Almost Alice

1Disclaimer: I not own Alice in Wonderland, the characters, the fandom, the songs used herein or references to the movie. All rights remain with respective owners. I make no money from these writings.

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse.

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above earth or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream, down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face and I...

Tears stream, down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face and I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you.

Fix You - Coldplay

McTwisp hopped sadly along the little path. His duty today a most unhappy one. To confirm the destruction of the passage between Overland and Underland. Alice's passage. It had burned for nearly two days. After the murder of the white queen, they'd found her poor maid a tangled bloody mess in the shrubbery.

The poor woman had told all she knew before death had taken her. Stayne, it seemed was far more vicious than they'd given him credit for. And before they could act, news of the great fire had reached them. Tarrant had fallen deep into his madness and though he insisted on coming, the others felt it best he not approach the passage. Lest he be lost in his madness forever.

Currently the hatter was in his home, pacing the halls in worry and grief, waiting for McTwisp to send word.

The rabbit's copper colored eyes moved slowly over the charred destruction of the area. The door hung at an odd angle, blackened and burnt, the stone steps covered in soot and ash. The grass and flowers at the base of them twisted black twigs now. The sunlight touched on charred forms, McTwisp dared not look too closely at.

"Oh dear" he said sadly, "Its true. Underland has no champion anymore. What's to become of us?"

A tiny motion caught his eye and he spun to face it. A scrap of ruined fabric fluttered ever so slightly on the breeze and he crept closer. The fabric was attached to a little soot smudged lump and the closer he got the harder it was to breathe.

There, just at the edge of the scorching, curled tightly into a ball was a person. A tiny person. As he knelt over the form, he could just make out the strands of gold in the dirty mess and felt his heart stop. His eyes slid back to the ruination of the area and found small tracks, as though something had been dragged through the fire to rest as close to safety as could be reached.

Something or someone.

Could it be? Was it possible?

Closer he drew, nostrils filled with the scent of fire. Heart thundering madly.

"Alice?" he called softly, gently nudging her small form with his pristine paw.

No movement, no sound. Nothing.

"Oh Alice, Please you must be alive." he pleaded. But the curled form remained still and silent.

Carefully, so carefully he scooped her up into his arms and began to hop back to where the others were. It was slow going this way but he just couldn't leave her. When he neared the clearing where Bayard and the others were waiting, he shouted for them loudly.

"Bayard! A hand please, a paw anything!"

The hound rushed to his side, "McTwisp, what is it? The passage?"

The rabbit shook his head, "Gone. Destroyed. But Bayard you must run to the hatter's house. Look. She was there. I think this is Alice."

Bayard turned his eyes to the black curl marring the rabbit's fine waistcoat and sniffed. Burned hair, singed flesh, blood, fire and there underneath, faint, the scent of Alice. Of human girl. He bayed loudly and bounded away from the slow moving rabbit.

He loped swiftly through the bracken and bramble, tore through brush and thistle. Pounded over branch and brook, twigs snapping and flying under his paws. Until he saw the hatter's home just head. Looming up from the forest floor. And he howled.

Tarrant heard the sound of Bayard's voice approaching, the howl long, loud, insistent. Something was wrong, it must be. Rushing through the door, he met the hound in the yard. "What is it? What's happened?"

Bayard panted for breath, "P..passage…gone. Burned."

Tarrant's gaze turned sad and he began to turn away. Well, they'd known to expect it hadn't they? He'd lost his queen and his Alice in a matter of days. It was like losing his family all over again. Only somehow much worse.

"Tarrant. Its Alice!" Bayard managed.

Tarrant nodded, "I know. Lost to us. Forever and always." his voice was sad now.

"Tarrant! She has returned, McTwisp has her. Though she's badly wounded from the fire."

The hatter's eyes flashed angry yellow and then orange at the thought, "The wee one is hurt? I'll kill em. Tear him into tinay bits I will…I'll eat his….."

"Tarrant!" Bayard interrupted, "We must hurry to her!"

Those eyes flashed from yellow to green to blue and back again before settling on a strange yellow green. The madness barely held in check. "I'm fine, thank you" he managed to stammer. Patting his pockets he nodded, "Lead on Bayard, we mustn't wait."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
McTwisp nearly cried out with happiness when he heard Bayard barking in the distance. Alice wasn't heavy, no, but he was faster on four legs than he was on two and the longer she went without care, the worse her odds became. He'd noticed the burns and scrapes on her hands and legs. He'd tried to clean her up a bit with his kerchief, but that hadn't worked and he feared hurting her worse.

The hatter broke through the trees. A wide eyed questioning look on his face. McTwisp thought he might rum them ore in his haste, but then he was sliding to his knees and skidding to a stop inches from the rabbit. "Where is she? Where is my Alice?" he babbled out in a rush.

McTwisp lifted his arms to the tall man. Tarrant held out his shaking hands.

"Can it really be her?" the rabbit asked softly as he transferred her to the hatter's trembling hands. She was tinier now than before. Barely the size of the hatter's littlest finger.

Tarrant peered down at the wreckage of a woman in his grasp and gave a wobbly smile. "Its Alice. I'd know him anywhere." He lifted green eyes to the waiting rabbit, "Hurry on to my house McTwisp. Find my softest cloth and finest threads, I'll need warm water. Someone call for the hare. Hurry now, hurry."

He watched the rabbit dash off, the hound right behind. Then he cast a malevolent orange orb over the area. Almost hoping to find the knave nearby. His need for violence and blood rising. But when his eyes fell on his Alice, the need to tend and protect overcame it.

His Alice? Yes of course she was his. For who else's would she be? He gave a soft giggle, "You must live my Alice, Underland needs us now. So much has happened. And there is too much to tell you. But there is time for that later. Later."

He held her gently, cupped in his palms, willing her muchness to remain with her. Her life to continue. He ran off home as fast as he could. Whispering encouragement to her as he went.

Upon arriving at his home, he found McTwisp waiting with a bit of Upelkuchen. But Alice was in no condition to eat it. "That will have to wait dear friend" he said gently, "We must wash and bandage her first. When she wakes, she can be bigger."

The March Hare arrived soon after and set out a wide teacup filled with warm water, he stirred in a generous amount of salt. "It will help" he insisted seeing the Hatter balk.

"Put her in there" Thakery commanded softly and the hatter gently placed the tiny Alice into the water, her little face resting against the pad of his fingers. "You drank far too much Pishsolver Alice" he gently admonished. The blackened soot and skin floated to the top.

"Thas right" Thakery said.

They repeated this process three more times until the hare was satisfied she was ready for a proper bath. He refilled yet another tea cup with plain warm water and handed it to Tarrant. Then he left the room, to find his carpet bag of medicines. "I'll go mix up something fer the pain."

Tarrant looked down at Alice as he nodded.

With long, slender fingers he gently washed the soot from her skin and even covered the cup with a kerchief when he snipped the ruined garment from her body. It wouldn't do to have a naked Alice about, even if she was very small. Even if he would very much like to see. He tucked the clean, material around her carefully as he lifted her from the now murky water.

His eyes moved over the cuts and bruises, burns and scrapes and he carefully tended them. He even used his finest tweezers to remove the bits of charred wood from her wounds. Then he dabbed the hare's tinctures onto the small wounds with his smoothest pinhead. Once wrapped, bandaged and clean, he sat back to look at her. His lovely Alice with her pale skin and her ruined golden curls.

He touched the unruly locks with his fingertip. "I'm afraid I'll have to cut your lovely hair Alice, it looks a bit like mine. When you wake." Reaching over, he accepted a tiny spoon from the hare, a light blue fluid shimmered in it's bowl. Strengthening potion. Yes, she would need that.

He managed to work a drop down her little throat, then he lifted her up and headed above stairs. Feeling the fatigue of the day come on him. "Tarrant?" the hare called from the bottom of the steps, "Do ye need anything else at the moment?"

Tarrant turned and nodded, "Rest Thakery, its what we all need. You may use your usual room of course. Lock the doors and windows tightly."

The march hare nodded and turned to see it done.

Then Tarrant vanished up the steps to his own room to sit in his chair before the fire, a tiny Alice nestled on his chest, over his heart. Covered with a clean, dry kerchief and safe with her hatter. He nearly went cross-eyed staring at her until the ache bloomed behind his eyes and he chuckled at himself, so happy to have Alice here again.

Then the pain of the death of the queen and the uncertainty of Underland rose up and he couldn't help but gently cup his hand over the once champion as though to shield her from all harm for always. This was how he drifted to sleep.

The search parties looked over the entirety of the Ascot grounds, but could find no trace of Alice anywhere. They did find a charred hole near the base of the tree where the fore seemed to have started but a look inside showed nothing but scorched earth and burnt tangled roots.

"Perhaps she burned entirely away" Hamish had remarked, "The fire must have been very hot to burn in such wet weather." And many agreed. Tragic that the mad girl had returned home to visit the grave of her mother only to be taken over by her madness and rush headlong to her death in a fire.

Margret heard the whispers, the stories but she couldn't bring herself to believe them. Alice had seemed so alive at that last moment. She couldn't believe it, simply couldn't.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tarrant woke several times that night and two others to Alice whimpering or crying out in a sleep she seemed unable to wake from. She would thrash ever so slightly and Tarrant, fearful she'd hurt herself further would cup his hand over her and breath soft comfort to her. He'd stroke his fingertip delicately down her back to soothe her and she would fall back to restful sleep.

It was difficult for him in those times, for her words spoke of dark times in her own world. Of things loved and missed and lost.

What would poor Alice find when she woke to Underland once more?

Alice woke slowly to thunder in her ears. Not thunder, a drum, a great drum. Like the ones she heard a few times in Nippon. She was warm, so warm and something smelled wonderful, like the teashops in China or the spice markets in India. Only so much better. Perhaps she had merely dreamt the sad letter and the terrible homecoming.

She slowly blinked and stretched, feeling muscles pull tight with ache and hurt flood her body. She tried to sit up only to brush against something soft and warm. The warmth shifted and she could see light. She was under a giant hand. And just within her line of sight a giant button. She jolted upright, letting out a strangled groan at the pain the movement caused. Her palms burning as she shoved up against them.

"Alice! You're awake!" came a voice and she lifted her head once more to peer upwards into large green eyes and a gapped toothed smile.

It all came back to her in a rush, the cemetery, the carriage, the fire at the Ascot estate. Falling down the hole and the fire.

"T..Tarrant?" she whispered, afraid she was still dreaming. Her voice was rough and cracked from the smoke she'd inhaled.

He beamed back at her, "Of course. Its good you've come home Alice. There is much to tell you." And she heard that sad note in his voice and her stomach tightened up.

"What's happened?"

He shook his head and it was then she noticed his hair. It was no longer wild and sticking out in all manner of ways. But smooth, bright curls that hung to his shoulders. His eyebrows were trimmed and his color was better now. He looked very different, but was still handsome.

"First you need to be your own size. You really do have a bad habit of being too small or too tall Alice." he gently chastised. Then he handed her a bit of Upelkuchen. She ate it slowly, her throat still raw from the smoke and swallowing hurt terribly.

She had to take a moment when the stretching began, barely having time to register that she was sprawled naked across the hatter's chest before he lifted her up easily and settled her gently in his bed. He tucked the coverlet around her and poured her a small glass of water, which he helped her sip slowly.

She accepted his help when he spooned a vivid purple medicine into her mouth, oddly it didn't taste bad and the sharp aches lessened.

She was too tired and sore to be embarrassed about her state of undress, besides he had been very gentlemanly and not mentioned it. Only made sure she was properly covered by the bedclothes.

"Better?" he asked, not lowering his eyes from her face.

She nodded, looking up at him as he stroked a thumb against her cheek. "You looked a frightful mess Alice." he told her, "We were all so very worried about you. How do you feel?"

She tried to smile but failed, "Like I've been beaten soundly. Heaven's but I hurt Tarrant." Her voice sounded more normal now. He spun from her to rummage in a nearby cupboard, returning with a shimmering blue liquid.

"Strengthening Tonic" he said simply as he uncorked the bottle, "Gave you some last night, not enough though. No, you were much too small and far too asleep." He held the bottle to her dry lips, "Just a sip Alice." he warned.

So sip she did and moments later she did feel better. The ache was still present but nicely dulled. This, she could manage. She sat in still silence for long minutes before finally looking at the hatter.

"You don't look well Alice, your eyes are much too red."

And then she lifted her hand to him and when he moved closer, she fisted the silk of his shirt and drew him closer to bury her face against him and weep. Tarrant gathered her close, murmuring soothing sounds against her hair as he stoked her back. "So you know then? The white queen is dead and Stayne wishes to take Underland."

She pulled back to look up at him. "What? Mirana…Stayne? What are you saying?" She blubbered at him. His green eyes shifted to yellow and then to pale blue.

"If you didn't know why are you crying so?" His voice was tinged with sad confusion and clear concern.

Alice closed her eyes and leaned against him again. Breathing in the sweet scent of tea and the darker shade of male beneath the costly cloth. "I…I lost her…."

"Who dearest?"

She shook her head and Tarrant gently clasped her face between his hands and forced her to meet his gaze. It was a forward move, and more forceful than he had been with her before. "Who?" he repeated in a soft voice.

Tears rolled over her lash line as her eyes flooded anew, "My….m…Mother." she gasped out. And the hurt tore threw her with a vengeance. She had been afraid to openly grieve with Margret. Margret had some time to resign herself to the loss when Alice had returned. It would not have been kind to reopen the wound for her.

The hatter felt his heart break for Alice. He knew only to well what the loss of one so loved felt like. He pulled Alice closer to him, and pressed kisses to the top of her hair as he gently rocked her. "Cry Alice. Let your heart empty all the grief it needs to."

"And now the queen and u…u…Underland" she rambled against his chest.

He shook his head, not that she could see. "Not your concern Alice. There will be time for that later. Take your own crying time. Its yours. I will handle whatever comes. You are home, that's all that matters right now." And he meant his promise.

He knew that most of Underland expected Alice to champion the white kingdom again. Even he had supposed that was to be. But not like this. There was no ruler to champion and the champion was broken, terribly hurt and broken. Tarrant could only do one thing. "We'll fix you Alice, I'll fix you. No matter how long it takes."

And she let herself go limp in his arms as he held her. Letting him hold her for a just a little longer.