Home Shool

Megamind spun his chair around at the sound of approaching footsteps, then recoiled in surprise.



"Roxanne!" he gasped, clutching himself. It was customary for him to remove his cape in the Evil Lair, but in mixed company, he felt severely underdressed. "I … I wasn't … Ollo! Welcome to Chez Mind."



"No, silly, it's me!" she said. Roxanne spun the dial on her wrist, and in a quick flash of blue light, morphed back into Minion.



"The Disguise Generator!" said Megamind. "Good thinking. But … when did you scan Roxanne?"



Minion grinned sheepishly and checked his fingernails for dirt. "Sometime. Ago. You know, the time, when we had … some … time. Before?"



"Excellent. So what's the plan?"



"Well, " said Minion, "I thought we'd start simple. Why don't you try and compliment me - err- Roxanne?"



"But why?"



"Ladies love it, Sir. In fact, it's expected. Remember how you used to trade off insults with Metroman? Well, it's sort of the same on a date, but you say nice things instead of mean ones." Minion turned the dial again and assumed the image of Roxanne. "Now," said Minion/Roxanne (Moxanne?) "Say something sweet."



"I … I like you?"



"Not bad, for a start," said Minion, beginning to sashay around the room in an exaggerated yet startlingly accurate imitation of Roxanne, "but try to be more creative." He jutted out one hip and pouted his lips. "Tell me what you like."



Megamind took in the feminine form and swallowed audibly. "I like …the swell of your hips. They stick out much farther than your waist and I find the ratio most pleasing."



"Ah!" said Minion, bringing those hips tantalizingly closer, "That is mistake number one! You just called me fat."



"No I didn't. I merely said that …" he spread his hands in a pantomime of the shape of Roxanne's hips. Minion sniffed and stamped his foot.



"Yes you did! You think my butt is big!"



"No! Roxanne! Not at all. I merely meant that … your body is womanly. Beautiful. Soft and curvy and delicate. Yet you are also strong. And smart. Did I mention curvy and delicate?" He covered his face. "Oh, it's no use, I'm terrible at this. I'm used to GETTING compliments, not giving them" . When he looked up, Roxanne was giving him a shy smile.



"You really think I'm pleasing?"



"Of course I do! Why do you think I was compelled to kidnap you all the time?"



Minion smoothed his hands across Roxanne's firm abdomen and pressed his shoulders together to accentuate her bust. "Anything else you like?"



"Gods yes!" sighed Megamind. "Those! Those fleshy mounds of gravity defying intrigue. When pressed together they have an uncanny resemblance to buttocks, and for some strange reason, I find this pleasing as well."



"Wow. Sir, we are really going to have to set aside a whole day just to work on your wooing."



"Why? What did I say?"



"You compared her breasts to an ass.



"How about I tell her my desire to 'motorboat?'"



"How about we move on to the next thing?"



Megamind steepled his fingers and nodded. "Alright, and what is that?"



"Kissing."



"Oh good! I've already done that!"



"And how did it go?"



He made a face and shook his head. "Not well, I'm afraid. That reminds me. Note to self--Design safety lock for Disguise Generator. Okay, where were we?"



Minion took a step closer." So, you've kissed her - I mean me - before?"



"Good God, this is confusing, Minion." He placed his hands on the smooth shoulders, to push them away.



"Then don't think about it. Just think of me as 'her.' I'm Roxanne, and I'm going to take care of you." She put a hand to his brow and caressed the slight indentation there. When he sighed and said nothing more, she slid her fingers up and across the smooth dome of his head. "So soft," she whispered, bringing her other hand up to mirror the first."



"I know. I exfoliate."



She caressed down behind his ears and around under his jaw, then back up along his temple to his brow, in a slow, soothing circuit. When he visibly relaxed she continued the tender strokes and snuggled into his lap.



"Wait! This is awfully …I don't think … I'm not sure I-"



"It's okay, Megamind" she whispered, breath warm against his cheek, "I'm going to take care of you. Trust me." She brushed her lips across his and pressed her body closer. "Do you trust me?"



"Yes," he sighed, and she smiled as she felt him tremble beneath her.



"Then kiss me." She met his mouth again and plied him with little kisses, slowly deepening them until his arms released their grip on the chair and slid, tentatively around to the small of her back. She slid her tongue across the seam of his lips then cautiously slipped inside.



"Kissing with tongues?" he breathed, "How simply decadent."



"It's French," she said, taking his bottom lip between her teeth and nibbling.



"Brilliant. First fried potatoes, now this."



"Shut up, Sir" Roxanne slid her hands up to his neck and dragged her lips across his cheek to nibble on his earlobe.



"Tongue in the ear, what is this? Portuguese? Swahili?"



"Okay, forget it." Roxanne spun the watch dial and Megamind grunted under the sudden weight of his servant. "If you're not going to take this seriously, then I've got … Robo-sheep to attend to." He extricated himself from Megamind's lap and started back towards the work bench.



"Minion, come on! I was just trying to be funny."



"Well," Minion grumbled, crossing his arms, "I don't appreciate it when I'm really putting myself out there, and you're just clowning around."



"It was just a joke." He spun his chair closer to Minion and patted a furry arm. "I'm sorry, I'll stop. It's just," he hung his head and peered up at Minion through his lashes, "I'm nervous. Humour is my defence mechanism."



"Lasers are a defence mechanism. Body armour is a defence mechanism."



"You're right. You're right! From now on, no jokes. I'll be good. Now, where were we?"



Minion remained standing, arms crossed and foot tapping.



"Come on Minion." He jerked his head, indicating his lap. "Come back. You know you liked it too."



"Did not."



"Come on, my Fishy-Wishy. Who's my Furry-Fishy? Who is?"



"I am?" asked Minion, still pouting.



"Are you?" Crooned Megamind, "Are you my Funky-Monkey-Fish!"



"Well, I don't see any other … Monkey-fish here, so yeah. That's me!" he said, visibly brightening.



"That's right, you are! You're my man eating shark. He pantomimed casting a rod, and reeling it in. "Come here Fishy. Oh!" he cried, yanking his invisible fishing rod, "I think I hooked a big one!"



"Whoa!" squealed Minion, pretending to be reeled in. "You got me!"



"Yeah, I do," he said, once Minion stood in front of him again. "So what do you say? Should we try again?"



Minion scuffed a toe on the wood floor and shrugged. "Okay."



"Great!" said Megamind, clapping his hands together, "what comes after kissing?"



"You're going to like this, Boss. First Base!"



"Ooh Sporty!"



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