Comfort

 

 

Luke tried to sleep, but no sleep would find him.  He tried mediation, but he could not calm his mind.  Vader was still trying to call out to him.  Even, light years outside of the galaxy, he could not escape the call of the creature that might be his father.  Ben chose not to appear to him in the Force, nor could Luke commune with him.  He did not understand how it worked, whether Ben was ignoring him, or if there was more to communing with the dead than just calling their name out.

His thoughts were centered on Leia, the love he felt for her, even though he knew the desire he felt for her was wrong.  Not just because Han was his best friend and Leia’s true love, but something else was nagging at him.  He suspected that Ben had hidden even more information from him, something about Leia, but Luke could not figure it out.

He sensed Leia’s Force presence growing nearer, and he knew he would find neither sleep nor peace this night.  Leia entered his nightbay without sounding the chime, but she could no longer hide her presence from him.  Luke did not even bother to look up.  The overwhelming feelings of sadness and anger instantly filled the room with a darkness that made him afraid.  Not afraid because the love of his life was in pain, but afraid because of what it would cost him to provide her with the comfort she so desperately required.

She sat down next to his bed, grabbed his artificial hand, and started stroking the back of the hand.  Luke realized that, since he would not comfort her, Leia would do what she knew best.  She would play the part of the Princess honoring the wounded war hero, but neither of them was in the mood for any such games.  He was about to pull his hand away when she withdrew first.

Leia started hitting him as hard as she could, punching his chest, his arms, any part of his body that her fists could find.  He did not feel the physical pain, as her emotional pain was so strong in the Force that it was the only thing he could feel.  Luke had never wanted anything more in his whole life than he did right now to hug her, take her in his arms, and never let go, but he could not.  There was no physical gesture nor any words of comfort he could offer to her.

Instead, Luke just lay there and endured her anger, hoping it would abate.  It was not a healthy way for her to relieve her stress, but she had the luxury of not being in danger of turning to the Dark Side of the Force.

Sure enough, she stopped after a few minutes and changed tactics.  Leia leaned over and kissed him again.  Just as he did not have the strength to resist her kiss in the medbay or the viewing gallery, he lacked the strength to resist her now, and again he went hard instantly.  For the first time, though, unlike the four times that she had kissed him before, he returned the kiss with all of his passion for her, all of his anger at the galaxy and his mentors, all of his hatred for Vader.

Leia saw Luke's arousal, separated from her by only a thin sheet, and she smiled.  She slipped her hand down, and brought him to his full length, as they continued making out, locked in each other's embrace.

It was nothing like kissing Camie.  This was true love, not some dare that a popular girl had done to the nerdy boy.  It was real, but he knew it was wrong.  People would only wind up getting hurt.  Han would be hurt when they rescued him and he found out what happened.  Leia would be hurt when he resumed his Jedi training and cut off all contact with her for months at a time.  Luke was already hurting, but he found the strength to pull away, just as he was about to come.

Feelings of humiliation and doubt washed over the room as Leia stormed out.  It was then that Luke knew what he needed to do.  He waited until he was sure that Leia was asleep and put on his orange pilot’s fatigues.  He walked down to the starfighter hangar and used the Force to bypass the lock.  He then, slowly and sadly, opened the cockpit and jumped in.  With terrible remorse, he opened the hangar doors and flew off back towards the galaxy and the life that awaited him.