Clutching My Cure

Chapter Twenty

Obi-Wan was oblivious to his surroundings as his legs carried him out of the palatial home and down to the sandy beach. Naked feet sank into the warm granules, leaving tracks as he paused at the point where the waves lapped against the shore. His toes clenched in the wet grains as he tilted his face toward the darkening sky and let the breeze cool a face still heated by a combination of anger and almost staggering hurt.

The bitter taste of bile still lingered on the back of his tongue as he once again recalled the scene he’d just left. It had seemed almost surreal watching Xanatos return Qui-Gon’s open mouthed kiss, their tongues visible as they drank from one another. The sight of his lover engaged in such an intimate act with the hated Jedi Master had caused Obi-Wan’s stomach to clench into painful knots, his heart beating so rapidly he feared it would burst from his chest. Xanatos had been honest about his past sexual relationship with Jinn, but hearing about it was vastly different than being forced to watch it up close.

{ DeCrion is head over heels in love with you, so much so that he’s putting his entire life on the line just so you can have what you desire. Can you honestly be willing to let him do that? }

Chun’s earlier words returned to taunt him yet again. He’d thought about them often, mulling their relationship over in his mind as he attempted to see it from an outsiders point of view. It was true that ever since the day Xanatos had walked into his bedroom, the fallen Jedi had done nothing but give Obi-Wan everything he wanted. Every action and plan had been geared toward aiding him in achieving the revenge he’d longed for, Xanatos asking for nothing in return except for his company. While he had been selfish and blinded by anger, Xanatos had been mature and self-sacrificing.

{You can only push someone away so many times before they get the picture and leave for good. I for one don’t want a life based on lies and uncertainty, never knowing from day-to-day where I stand.}

A shiver seized control of Obi-Wan’s body as Xanatos’ warning words whispered in his ear. The thought of losing the older man sent a wave of panic sizzling through his veins. After only a few short weeks, he was finding it impossible to imagine a life devoid of Xanatos, kiss, touch, and looks of enduring love and affection. They had become a part of one another, the missing half that made up the whole. With Xan, he felt like a better person, a person he could be proud of for the first time in more years than he liked to recall.

Trembling fingers reached up to rub along the thin golden torque that wrapped around his throat. The precious metal seemed to warm beneath his touch as if Xanatos’ essence was seared into the threads and welcomed his caress. It made him recall endless sessions of lovemaking in which his hands and lips had stroked and tasted pale, muscular, long limbs. The sounds that Xanatos made while in the throes of passion were arousing by themselves; deep rumbling purrs of pleasure. Just thinking about them was enough to make his body harden, before panic began to set on as he once again contemplated losing his lover.

Hair plastered to his skull from the water’s mist, Obi-Wan spun on his heel and began to jog back to the house. He wasn’t ready to face Xanatos yet, his emotions entirely too unstable from seeing the two men in a passionate embrace. Wandering aimlessly down the hallways, he longed for someone to talk to, someone who’d listen without judging. Someone who cared about him and would make the pain go away, if only briefly. It wasn’t a sexual encounter he craved, but a friend to hold him and assure him that everything would work out for the best. It came as no surprise when he found himself standing outside a particular room, his chest rising and falling in sobbing breaths.

Before he could change his mind, he slapped the door control and slipped inside the room. The lone occupant looked up from the holobook he was reading with surprise. Concern quickly replaced it as he took in his guest’s sodden appearance as well as the shattered expression in jeweled eyes. Pushing the reading material away, Bruck slipped off the bed and hurried into the fresher without a word. Returning seconds later with several large fluffy towels, he found Obi-Wan frozen in place as shivers began to course through his body.

"You’re soaked!"

Letting the towels drop on the floor between them, he started removing Obi-Wan’s sodden shirt. "Get out of these clothes before you get sick."

Still dazed as if moving through a fog, Obi-Wan listlessly tried to help as his shirt was stripped and tossed across the room. The pants came next, Bruck having to drop to his knees in order to help pull the garments free from muscled legs. He couldn’t help but steal an admiring glance before using one of the towels to begin rubbing the chilled skin dry. Once satisfied that the worst of the chills had dissipated, he stood and used the remaining towel to dry the golden-red locks of hair. He used slow soothing motions that soon had Obi-Wan swaying on his feet, his eyes half closed in relaxed pleasure.

"Care to tell me what has you so upset?"

For once the other man didn’t respond to his softly spoken query with his usual snappishness. That alone was a clear indication of just how shaken he was. Long lashes fluttered several times before lifting to reveal wounded eyes that were a window to Obi-Wan’s anguished soul.

"I walked in on Jinn and Xanatos. They had their tongues down one another’s throats."

Bruck drew back at the flatly spoken words, his ministrations halting as he searched Obi-Wan’s gaze. "Oh….I…Did they say anything?"

"Xan told me they were getting reacquainted."

"Did Master Qui-Gon have anything to say?"

"I didn’t stick around long enough to give him a chance." Obi-Wan’s shoulders seemed to bow under a considerable weight. "I could lose him, couldn’t I?"

The first thought that came to Bruck’s mind was just how much the Force must hate him. Fate seemed to be testing him, waiting to see what he would say and do when faced with the ultimate temptation. He held his greatest desire in the palm of his hand. Just a few well placed words and he could drive a wedge between the two lovers and be waiting in the wings to pick of the pieces. His face flamed as he was forced to admit that a huge part of him wanted to do exactly that, his lips even parting to utter the words.

A sigh escaped instead as he was unable to go through with it. "I think the question you need to meditate on, is what it would cost you if you did lose him."

Obi-Wan nodded in agreement. "But not tonight. I’m so tired."

Bruck grasped his hand and led him over to the huge bed. Climbing on he reclined on his side and patted the mattress beside him. "Come and get some rest."

Obi-Wan searched his gaze for a tense moment before moving to comply. Bruck spooned his body behind Obi-Wan’s, one arm draped over the fallen Jedi, his palm resting against the flat stomach. His free arm acted as a pillow for Obi-Wan’s head, a blissful smile curving his lips as the other man reached up to thread their fingers together. Mere minutes later, Bruck felt Obi-Wan relax as sleep claimed him.

He lay awake most of the night just savoring the feel of the man he loved cradled in his arms. It was a memory that would have to sustain him the rest of his life.