The Immortal Heart

A/N: usmorgan, you might have hit the nail on the head about Zeus there. Hopefully he'll show his more compassionate side in this chapter.


Chapter 20

“Demeter was very particular about this,” Hestia told her brother before leaving him alone with Hades. “She said that under absolutely no circumstances must Hades be left alone, not even when he goes to relieve himself. Should he ask for it, we must say no. Do you understand?”

Poseidon nodded, although honestly he did not understand his sister’s worry. Hades slept soundly and did not seem like he would be much of a problem. “I will stay with him at all times,” he said. “You can tell Demeter that.”

“Thank you brother,” Hestia replied sincerely, and she kissed him on the cheek before leaving.

Poseidon watched her leave before turning his attention back to Hades, who remained sleeping in bed. Uncertain of what do to besides remain close by, the younger god took a seat on the edge of the bed. He considered placing a hand against his brother’s hair.

“Has she gone?” Hades’ voice asked, startling the other. Surprised that his brother was awake, Poseidon nodded before he mentally berated himself, as Hades had his head turned away from him.

“She has,” he said. “I apologize if I woke you.”

“You did not. I was already awake.” Hades’ spoke in a voice that lacked any warmth or emotion of any kind, and it was an unsettling thing to listen to him in the dimly lit room.

“Is there anything I can get you?” Poseidon asked, feeling a little useless. Hades finally turned toward him, eyes open to reveal a watered, red quality. The younger god wondered how much his brother had cried in the past week, and how much longer he could possibly cry. How many tears could a heartbroken god have within him?

“You are very thoughtful, brother,” Hades finally said, staring at him. Poseidon managed a small smile as thanks, though in his mind he felt as though his brother’s depression was as easily spread as disease, and latching itself onto him.

With some effort, Hades sat up, but he winced visibly and Poseidon moved to assist him, receiving the dismissive wave of a bony hand. He wondered how much his older brother was actually eating.

“Are you in pain, brother?” he asked. Hades’ face read of utmost pain in response to the question, but whether it was physical or emotional was still to be revealed.

“I have no child to feed,” the lifeless voice spoke again. “Whatever milk I had has not left me. It hurts to touch…” He lifted a hand to hover over his chest, the nipples still puffy and dark.

Poseidon gave a sad frown. He had no knowledge of such pains like Demeter, and he felt like an idiot to say he understood. How could anyone in the family truly understand what their eldest brother felt?

“You want to do something for me,” Hades mused aloud.

“Anything.”

“I need a bath.”

“Of course.”

“Alone.”

“Hades…” Poseidon said, thinking back on Hestia’s admonition not to let Hades out of his sight under any circumstances. “I cannot do that.”

“I wish to cleanse myself, and I want privacy. Is that too much to ask for?” Hades sounded bitter now, even resentful, and there was a hint of desperation in his voice.

“Brother…” The younger god placed his hand gently on Hades’ bare shoulder in a vain attempt to offer comfort. He was not very good at this, but he had to try. “Our sister asked me to stay with you at all times. She was very specific about that.”

“I see…” Hades sagged back against the pillows and seemed spent just from sitting up for a minute. “Never mind, then.”

Distraught by the other’s withdrawal back into complete apathy, Poseidon tried to offer Hades a reasonable compromise. “Let me follow you inside, and I can look away while you bathe yourself,” he suggested. “Does that work with you, brother?”

//No// Hades thought. //That would not work at all// “I would like some absolute solitude. Not more than a few minutes… Brother, please…?”

He looked up at the other, thinking that Poseidon was kind, and though a part of Hades felt bad for it, he would use Poseidon’s soft heart against him to get his will through. This might be his one and only chance to go through with his plans.

“Oh, alright,” the younger god finally said. “Go have your bath. I’ll wait for you in here.”

The weakest shadow of a smile graced Hades’ sad, pale face for just a moment. “Thank you, Poseidon.”

He slowly rose from bed, dizziness, pain and general weakness making it a cumbersome process, and walked toward his bath chamber with languid steps. Hades made no attempts to cover up his nakedness, even though he felt Poseidon’s eyes on him. It did not matter anymore, not after this. He could only hope that his weakened body would grant him a quick death in the water before his poor brother would get suspicious and come in after him.

Hades quietly descended the steps into his bathing pool, relieved to finally have made a decision and had the stomach to go through with it. He kept walking even as the water level gradually deepened and he was unable to keep his head above the surface.

Eyes closed, he thought of Zeus, who did not care for him anymore, of Hera who likely would welcome his death, and of Hestia, Poseidon and his sweet, loving Demeter, who would mourn his passing. He was sorry to soon be making them unhappy, but it did not matter. He wanted to be with his child.

Hades inhaled.

*

Shortly after Poseidon’s allowing his brother some privacy, Demeter knocked and entered.

“Only me, brother…” she called out as she came into view. Instantly she saw her brother’s bed and discovered it was empty. The god she did find was Poseidon, standing at the doorway to Hades’ bathing pool.

“Where is he?” she immediately asked, her alarm bordering on anger. Surely Poseidon could not have been so foolish…

Poseidon saw his sister’s face and immediately felt as though he had made the worst decision of his life. Was it so hard to have said no?

“He needed some solitude,” he offered feebly. “He’s having a bath…”

Demeter was almost through the doorway faster than her brother could turn around to join her. Only a second passed between her arrival to the pool and his, but one second was all it took for him to hear a horrible scream.

Poseidon could not think. All he knew was that he was running, and the sight of a body under the water made him dive into the pool. Only when he was under the surface and grabbing up Hades into his arms did he allow himself to think. Demeter had seen their brother under the pool, limp and lifeless as he felt now. How soon had it taken Hades to drown himself? Immediately? Poseidon hoped not.

Demeter was still screaming, or rather crying, when Poseidon’s head broke the surface and he began to swim toward the pool’s edge as fast as possible, dragging Hades with him.

“Hurry, you idiot! Get him out of there!” the goddess cried frantically as Poseidon lifted their drowned brother out of the pool, and as soon as Hades was in her reach, she grabbed him by the wrists and hauled him toward herself with a strength that belied her slender frame.

“Hades??” Demeter tapped at her brother’s cheeks, desperately searching for any signs of life in his cold, livid face. He was no longer breathing; Hades’ ribcage was as still as that of a corpse, but his heart could still be beating beneath it. “How long was he in here before I arrived?!” Demeter shouted at her younger brother, who had joined her on the floor and looked on in shock. “How long, Poseidon?”

“I… Five minutes, maybe six…” the god stammered. “I swear, I… I d-didn’t know he would…”

Five minutes, maybe six… Perhaps there was still hope. If so, Demeter would not simply let her brother die. She pressed her fingers against the pulse point in his neck to feel if Hades still had a heartbeat. To her great relief, she felt something. It was very weak, but it was definitely still there.

Fuelled by the fluttering, fragile pulse against her fingertips, Demeter was quick to turn the unconscious god onto his side and beat her fist against his back, anything to expel the water he had inhaled and make him breathe again.

“Breathe…” she begged of the motionless body. “Why did you do this, you imbecilic… BREATHE, I SAY!!”

Tears flowed down her face as her efforts came to naught. The water had to come out, but she could not make it leave Hades’ lungs. Out of impulse, Poseidon grabbed their brother and turned him back on his back.

“What are you doing??” Demeter cried, but Poseidon ignored her. He had no idea what he was doing, but he knew he had to try somehow. He had made this horrible mistake and now he was going to fix things if it was the last thing he did. All he knew was that the water did not belong inside his brother.

Please, he thought. Please, do not die…

Poseidon pressed his lips against those of his brother, concentrating. If only he could draw the water from Hades’ lungs, perhaps then the elder god had a chance. Desperately, he tried to will the water to him, so focused on the seemingly impossible task that his hands began to sweat.

No, not sweat. He lifted a hand off of the floor and saw a puddle there. Realizing what had happened, he continued to focus, never questioning how he could have achieved what he did. He felt water rolling down his back and off of his arms until a jerking movement happened beneath him and his older brother finally coughed.

“Hades…” Demeter wept, hardly believing that her brother was alive, let alone breathing. In those moments that she watched Poseidon exercise his abilities, she feared he was too late.

Hades was unaware of the time between inhaling the water and the very first moments he was coming into consciousness again. He thought he might have remembered being somewhere foggy and gray, but his memories of such a place were soon forgotten, because now he was waking up again, coughing and gasping and shivering all over. He had felt lips against his before he began breathing again, the hairs of a beard brushing against the stubbly skin of his cheeks.

“Zeus…” he murmured, his voice weak. Had his youngest brother brought him back? “Zeus…?” he repeated.

“It is only me, Hades,” Poseidon’s gentle voice replied, and soon the image of his other brother cleared before Hades’ eyes. Realizing that his attempt to end his own life had failed, Hades’ first response to being brought back was anger.

“Why?!” he cried out, droplets of water still sputtering from his mouth. “Why did you do this? Why not just let me die?!”

“Hades.” A different voice this time, belonging to his sister. “That was a very foolish thing of you to do. Almost as foolish as our brother letting you out of his sight.” She glared knowingly at Poseidon, and the god had a distinct feeling that she would not easily forgive him for this.

“I wanted to die,” Hades insisted, and now he was sobbing again. “I have nothing left to live for, sister. My baby is dead, Zeus has deserted me, and I am not good for anything else. I wish you hadn’t saved me…”

Demeter realized that they would not get anywhere with Hades in here, on the cold floor of his bath chamber, with the god himself lying naked and dripping wet in Poseidon’s arms, shivering like an autumn leaf in the wind.

“Let us get him into bed,” she decided, standing up and motioning to Poseidon to do the same. “It is time we did something we should have done long ago.”

Poseidon lifted his unfortunate brother and carried him back into his bedroom, where Demeter was already waiting for them. She covered Hades with a sheet as soon as he was placed on the mattress and began to rub his clammy, pale skin in an attempt to both warm and dry him.

“I will stay with him while you go get Zeus,” the goddess said calmly. “Go at once, we’re wasting time.”

“Zeus…?” Poseidon asked. He knew that the one could not simply tell Zeus to do something. “I don’t know if…”

“But I do,” Demeter interrupted. “Tell him about what happened, and make sure that he follows you back here. Do you think you can manage that much?”

“I… I’ll try…”

Feeling pathetic, Poseidon made his exeunt. Demeter stayed where she was on the bed with Hades.

“You should have let me die,” he muttered.

“I will do no such thing,” the goddess replied, more patient with her brother than she had expected to be. Then again, she and Poseidon had just prevented him from killing himself. What else could happen?

“None of us will let you,” she stated. “We all love you so much.”

“I do not doubt your love,” Hades said plainly. “And I welcome it. But please forgive me when I say that it does nothing for the love I had anticipated for so long… from my child.”

A single tear rolled down his face, landing on his sister’s arm. The heat of the tear was strange when the rest of Hades felt so cold. Demeter held him tighter.

“I miss him,” he quietly said. “So much.”

Demeter did not have to ask who “he” was. She remembered quickly making up an answer as she took the dead remains of her ill-fated nephew away. She had told her brother he had a son.

“Does it sound pathetic?” Hades asked her. “To miss what was already dead when it was born?”

“Your child was not dead when it grew inside you,” Demeter replied. “You had plenty of time to get to know him.” She kissed his shoulder. “It is not pathetic at all.”

“I miss him.”

“I know, dearest.”

“Now I speak of my brother,” Hades corrected her, almost as though he was thinking his words instead of being conscious of speaking them. “Do you think he will ever come back to me?”

“He might,” Demeter answered. “Our brother is seeing to that personally.”

*

“Zeus?” Poseidon knocked on the door to Zeus’ private quarters, trying to swallow the lump in his chest and simultaneously think of a good way to give the news to his brother. “Zeus, are you there?”

“I am here, Poseidon. What do you want?” the younger god asked.

“May I come in?”

“Fine, do come in.”

Zeus was lying in his bed with an almost untouched chalice of wine by his side. He gave his brother an impassive glance when the other entered but quickly resumed gazing at the clouds which passed by through his window.

“Zeus… There is something you must know,” Poseidon said, his voice as well as his posture weighted down by sorrow and guilt. “It concerns Hades.”

“What about him?” Zeus inquired.

“Well… Our brother almost died just recently. He tried to end his own life by drowning himself.”

The vacant, disinterested expression on Zeus’ face turned into one of absolute shock as soon as the words had left Poseidon’s mouth. “What are you saying?!”

“He needs you, Zeus. He tried to kill himself because he is convinced that you no longer care for him. I tried to convince him that he was wrong, but he won’t listen to me. Only you can help him now, brother. You do still love Hades, do you not?”

“I do…” Zeus admitted, cheeks hot with shame. Not until now did he truly realize how badly he had handled things after losing his child. “I have just needed time to think…”

“What Hades needs now is his mate. And Hades is still your mate, isn’t he?”

Zeus stood up, knowing he could not postpone the inevitable any longer, or he might never get another chance to face his brother. “Where is he now? Is he alright?”

“Follow me,” Poseidon said.

When Zeus realized Poseidon was taking him to Hades’ quarters, the youngest Olympian simply ran ahead and entered the room – as always – without knocking. Both Demeter and Hades flinched at the sudden sound of the door swinging open with impatient force, and Demeter was absolutely shocked that Zeus had arrived at all. Even though she had wanted him to come, she had not truly believed he would.

Hades saw his brother staring at him, and he stared back for an awkwardly silent few moments before hiding his face behind his sister. For a week now he desperately wanted his brother and now that he had gotten his wish, he was ashamed to be seen by him.

“Zeus…” Demeter said, uncertain what else to say. She could not simply ask him why he decided to see Hades now after so long.

“Would you please excuse us?” Zeus quietly said. “I would appreciate some time in private with our brother.”

Nodding, Demeter stood up, disengaging herself from Hades, who oddly enough tightened his grip on her for a moment, not wanting her to go. In his fragile state, he was suddenly worried to not have his sister with him, but he knew this discussion had to happen without her presence. As the goddess left, Poseidon planned to follow her example, but not without giving a wary glance to Zeus, as though wordlessly daring him to try injuring their eldest brother’s heart any further.

The two remaining gods seemed frozen in silence for several minutes, one standing still as a tree and trying to think of a way to start conversation, the other curled up in his seat on the bed, avoiding any judging glances and staring at the floor. Zeus knew he had to say or do something, lest they both remain in an uncomfortable quiet for hours.

“Hades…”

The sound of his brother’s voice saying his name made Hades look up as though he had been startled. His large eyes looked up at Zeus; big, confused and frightened, and Zeus felt as though everything they had shared in the past year and a half had been erased, as though they would have to start all over again in a quiet spring, exchanging careful touches and looks as though utterly unfamiliar with one another.

“Hades, why did you do it?” Zeus asked. He assumed that no further elaboration on what “it” was would be needed.

“Because I have lost everything,” Hades replied quietly. “My child, you… Everything that ever mattered.”

Zeus took a few steps closer to his brother and finally stopped just at his bedside. “You haven’t lost me,” he said, urging to reach out and touch Hades’ wet hair but at the same time almost afraid to do so.

“Then why did you desert me?” the older god asked. There was no accusation in his voice, only sadness. “I haven’t seen you once since…” Hades broke off his sentence, the memories of the birth being too painful to recite. He was already crying, but at least he was still coherent enough to speak intelligibly.

“I was wrong to do that.” Zeus gave a heavy sigh and finally sat down right next to his brother on the mattress; his oldest brother, who was already so small and weak and seemed to have shrunk even further since the taxing experience of birthing a stillborn, deformed child. Only his eyes were ever so big.

“We all grieve in our own way, Hades. I thought I could do that by blocking it from my consciousness, and in order to do that, I forced myself to stay away from you. I made a mistake. I had no idea that you…”

“I believed that you hated me,” Hades whispered. “I will never be able to give you another child. Why would you want me now?”

“I wish nothing more than our child being alive, but it was not the baby I fell in love with. It was you, my brother. I loved you before I learned of our child, and I love you still.”

“But still, I…” Hades’ words were stopped completely when he felt lips against his, and this time it was truly Zeus who kissed him. The elder god’s tears did not stop, and he sobbed as they kissed until his brother pulled away and cupped his face in his large hands. Zeus did not guide the older god’s face up to him so that their eyes could meet. He simply wanted to touch him, to feel that his eldest brother was there in front of him, to feel that he was alive.

“I love you,” he whispered as he held his brother’s face close, and he kissed away the tears on Hades’ cheeks. With each kiss Hades found himself falling further into a quiet state of calm. Carefully, he kissed back, his lips landing on Zeus’ square jaw, not yet completely covered by his beard.

“Yes,” Zeus said in encouragement. “Please, again.”

Hades kissed his brother a second time, higher and against a pronounced cheekbone. Zeus smiled at the other god’s uncertainty.

“It feels so good to touch you again,” he said, nuzzling against Hades affectionately. “To be near you.”

Hades did not smile back, but sat still, eyes closed as he relished the feel of Zeus’ powerful body against him, large strong hands touching him. Neither god made any sort of sexual advance on the other. Presently they only wanted to be close, physically and emotionally.

“Are you alright?” Zeus finally asked, although the question sounded a bit silly when he heard himself say it.

“Not truly,” Hades said, his tone sullen. “But it’s not so bad now that you’re here with me.”

“Do you wish me to stay the night?” Zeus’ question was only out of courtesy; after what Hades had attempted, he would stay to keep vigilance over his brother whether Hades gave his consent or not. The Olympian leader received a weak little nod against his shoulder from the god who presently did not have the strength for anything else.

“Sleep now, brother,” Zeus whispered, caressing his brother’s tangled, damp hair as Hades’ eyes gradually slid shut. “I will not leave you again.”

“Do you promise…?” the older god murmured, sounding as though he was already slipping into the world of dreams.

“I promise,” Zeus replied, and this time he really meant it.

*

Several hours later, Demeter peeked in through a small crack in the doorway just to make sure that both her brothers were still within the chambers and that Hades was out of danger. A small smile came to her lips at the sight of the older god safely enveloped in Zeus’ arms and both of them soundly asleep. The loss of Hades’ unborn child had been a tragedy, but perhaps there was still hope for their small family, even after this.

Demeter soundlessly shut the door and retreated to her own quarters, yearning to spend the night in her loving sister’s embrace.


TBC...