Forbidden

FORBIDDEN

By Raythe

DISCLAIMER: Not mine. No money made.

PAIRING: Luke x Vader

WARNINGS: Slash/Incest/AU/Daddykink/BDSM

RATING: NC-17

HINTS AND STUFF: This chapter shows more of Luke’s reactions to what has gone on between Vader and Qui-Gon. It also gives another window into the Vader and Qui-Gon dynamic. And it introduces a cool new space ship.

Thank you all for your enthusiastic support and critical comments. And please continue to let me know what you think! You’re comments are my life’s blood.

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE: IN THIS LIFE

Luke’s POV

Luke grabbed a thin blanket from one of the shelves in the detention block to wrap around Vader’s bare torso. He hadn’t been able to find anything to clean the now-dried blood off of Vader’s silken skin so concealment had to do. Vader’s eyes tracked Luke as he retrieved the scratchy covering and searched in vain for water to wash him clean. The Dark Lord made no sound, nor had hardly moved, since Luke had first tried to shift out of his arms. Vader had growled low and pulled Luke closer.

“It’s all right, Father. I just want to try and clean you up a bit so we can go back to our quarters without attracting too much attention. I’m not leaving you. I promise,” Luke had told him gently.

Slowly, almost agonizingly, Vader had released Luke from his arms, but not from his gaze. It was as if the Dark Lord feared if he let Luke out of his sight even for a moment that he would disappear.

‘Shouldn’t I be the one clinging to him? Worrying that he will leave me?’ Luke had thought. ‘Qui-Gon touched him. He touched Qui-Gon. Not willingly, but still. Being with Qui-Gon would make more sense than being with me, wouldn’t it? No worries about the taboo of incest … at least, I think not, considering the ancient Sith said that Qui-Gon was Vader’s father in a past life not in this one.’ Luke shook his head in confusion. He didn’t know what to make of that revelation. His mind hooked onto other aspects of Qui-Gon and Vader together instead. ‘Having Qui-Gon as his lover might help Vader more than hurt him. They might even have more confidence in Father’s ability to lead, considering his now youthful looks, if he is paired with a more mature-looking lover.’

Luke hated that his logical brain could bring up a thousand reasons why Father should be with Qui-Gon and not with him making his heart ache more. He thrust such thoughts from his mind. It did no good to worry about the future. What would come would come. Luke focused instead on the man before him.

He tenderly brought the blanket around his father’s bare, muscular shoulders. Vader was still exhausted by his … activities … with the slavers and seemed to need Luke’s direction for even the most basic of tasks like holding the material closed. Luke placed a hand at the base of Vader’s spine and began to lead him towards the doors. He didn’t rush his father because he doubted the other man had the energy to move faster, but Luke was also dreading when those doors opened and Vader and Qui-Gon saw one another. Luke worried at his lower lip with his teeth.

‘What will they do? Will their eyes show the love that they won’t admit with their mouths … at least to me? Will Vader run to him and beg his forgiveness? Will Qui-Gon embrace him, murmur it’s all right and not to worry and he’ll fix everything? Will I be left out in the cold … like before … like always?’ Luke squelched those last thoughts. He wanted his father to be happy, to have what he needed, and Vader needed Qui-Gon. ‘But not as a lover! I’m his lover. I’m all he needs for that! Please, oh, Force, please, let that be true!’

Just as they neared the doors, Luke stopped and turned to his father. Vader was gazing down at him. Luke didn’t know if the older man had turned towards him when they had stopped moving or if his father had been staring at him the entire time they were walking. His amber eyes were empty. Luke shivered. Where was the bright flicker of intelligence, humor and power that usually resided there? Would it come back when they were away from the blood and the gore and the lifeless bodies? Luke cupped his father’s chin and drew his face down so that they were level with one another.

“Father, I love you,” Luke whispered. “No matter what. Understand?”

There was a brief glimmer of Vader’s old self in his expression, or so Luke hoped, just before he closed his eyes and covered his father’s mouth with his own. Vader responded to his tongue gently probing against closed lips by opening his mouth and letting Luke inside. Luke felt his heart clench as his father’s arms suddenly slid around him and the Dark Lord took control of the kiss. Was this a reawakening of his old self? Luke hoped so as he slowly drew back, his mouth swollen and tingling. He opened his eyes and met Vader’s gaze.

“Father?” Luke asked, all his hope coloring that one word.

The older man’s eyes were clear again, not foggy and distant, although they showed a bone-deep exhaustion. “I’m all right, Luke. This … this …dullness … will pass soon and I … I will be back with you fully. The Dark Side … drains one to nothing inside.”

“I could replenish you if you wanted,” Luke offered.

The older man frowned then nodded.

Luke gathered the Force energy in the room and sent it into Vader. The Dark Lord sighed and his eyes fluttered closed for a moment. When he opened them he looked much more himself. At least the emptiness was gone and he was standing straight on his own.

Vader kissed Luke’s forehead. Luke’s body began to heat when his father’s thigh brushed against his sex as the chaste kiss continued. He knew though that it wasn’t the time for intimacy and the heavy iron scent of blood in the air cooled his desire as fast as it was aroused. Vader was almost languid and at ease against him, but suddenly a quiver ran through his strong form and he tensed.

His voice quavered as his eyes riveted on the closed detention block doors. “Qui-Gon is …”

“Outside, yes.”

There was an almost wild look in Vader’s eyes as if he would turn and flee again. But there was no where to go. Instead, he took a deep breath and squared his shoulders, but there was still a fragility about him that Luke had not seen before.

‘He is not acting as if a potential lover is outside. More like a person in authority or … a parent …he has displeased and is afraid to face,’ Luke thought and something in his chest loosened.

“There’s no reason to be afr—anxious, Father. He is not angry with you,” Luke said as he lightly stroked Vader’s arm. “He’s merely concerned about you.”

“Most people do not forgive as easily as you do, child of my heart.” Vader tightened his grip around Luke. “I almost … killed … him. I said loathsome, disrespectful things then I … then I used Force-Choke on him. He didn’t even try to resist me or defend himself.”

“He trusted that you would stop,” Luke said.

Vader’s expression twisted with self-hatred. “Then he is a fool! Because I almost didn’t. Almost … couldn’t.”

Luke saw no reason that he could not have resurrected Qui-Gon again even if Vader had killed him, but the damage that would have been done to both men if Vader had actually taken the elder Jedi’s life might have been irreparable.

Vader stared sightlessly at the door even as he pulled Luke closer to him again. “I mustn’t let my emotions rule me. The Dark Side may sing to me, but it does not mean I must listen. If only … if only that knowledge …”

“What?” Luke asked.

His father had a wry, sad smile on his face. “I was going to say, if only that knowledge had made a difference before. And if it hasn’t before why do I think it will in the future?” Vader’s shoulders suddenly slumped. “Maybe … maybe it is a hopeless task. Perhaps I am incapable of … mastering myself.”

“Father, no, you will!”

“Luke … we both know that this is hardly the first time I have … hurt those I care for,” Vader said, his eyes filled with a bone-deep despair for a moment, one hand skating down Luke’s cheek. “I almost killed you in your mother’s womb and I took your hand on Bespin! And I love you more than anyone or anything. That I would attack Qui-Gon because I was afraid of being …” Vader shook his head, not finishing the thought.

Luke gripped Vader’s forearm. “We’ll find a way for you to control this so it won’t happen again. I promise.”

Vader gave Luke a fond, sad smile, clearly unconvinced, but unwilling to burst his son’s belief in him. Luke’s mind suddenly flashed back to the animated way that Qui-Gon had spoken to him about his theories on controlling the Dark Side, which from what Luke could determine, entailed a heavy emphasis on the student learning to control himself.

‘That’s the kind of training that Vader needs. But would Father submit to being taught again? Would he place himself in the role of a Padawan or Apprentice now that he has taken on the title of Master?’ Luke knew his father’s pride stung at the fact that he lost control so would he see a suggestion of training with Qui-Gon as an even greater insult? ‘And would I want to Vader and Qui-Gon to spend that much time together, alone, bonding like that?’

Luke peered up at Vader. Deep lines marred his father’s brow and over their bond Luke sensed that his thoughts were black with self-disgust and despair. Luke swallowed. Did he want Vader to go on as he was, feeling such hideous thoughts, prone to uncontrollable rages, if with Qui-Gon’s help Vader could master himself? And what of those who would suffer when the Dark Lord lashed out? Would Luke’s jealousy and fear seem that important when faced with the destruction his father was more than capable of creating?

‘Am I so pathetic … so selfish?’

Luke feared perhaps a part of him was. Inside he knew he was still the desperate and frightened little boy who longed for his father more than anything or anyone in the universe. Yet conversely he believed that he was not worthy of Vader’s love.

‘I may feel these things, but it does not mean they must rule me.’

Drawing on that strength, Luke said, “Qui-Gon can help you with control.”

“What do you mean?”

“He told me that he knows a way of controlling the Dark Side … or rather of training Dark Side users in such a manner that it stops the effects of the Dark Side’s siren song of destruction,” Luke explained.

Vader’s eyebrows drew together in confusion. “But what could a Jedi know of controlling the Dark Side?”

“That was my thought exactly,” Luke said. “And when I asked him that same question, he told me of a theory he has. About Dark Side and Light Side users. Let me tell you.”

Luke then told Vader all that he and Qui-Gon had spoken about on in the Observation Deck regarding how some people were meant to wield the Dark and others the Light. Vader’s expression was curiously blank.

“He led you to believe that he thought himself a natural Dark Side user?” Vader asked after a long pause.

“Yes,” Luke said then asked tentatively, “Do you … do you think there is any truth about what you learnt in the vision about Qui-Gon being a Sith Lord in the past? I mean it would make—“

“No!” Vader interrupted him, his jaw set in a tense line. “That blasted Sith lied. He must have.” Vader’s hands clenched and unclenched at his sides. His eyes spoke many emotions. They reflected when he went from anger to hope. He asked softly, “Qui-Gon truly thinks he knows of a way to teach Dark Side use so that the user remains in control? He really believes this?”

“Yes, he is quite convinced of it. Perhaps you could ask him for … help.”

Vader’s expressive mouth thinned and a bitter laugh broke free. “After what I’ve done do you honestly think that he will want anything to do with me, young one? I’m surprised he hasn’t asked to be dropped off at the nearest star port and fled to join Obi-Wan’s side.”

With a sigh, Luke said, “You don’t seem to understand how he feels about you, Father. How he … how desperate he is to help you.”

Vader threw up his hands as he said, “Because it is illogical for him to care for me! I was six when he left and we knew each other for only a few days. How could he feel anything for me? Is it only his failure with Xanatos that moves him or … I just don’t understand!” Vader sounded utterly bewildered at the older man’s feelings for him, but Luke heard the thread of hope in his voice that Qui-Gon could feel so much for him even after such a short time.

Luke was the one to give a bitter laugh this time that drew Vader’s eyes down to him. “You have that affect, Father. I hardly knew you and I was … was beholden to you in a way that your being my father cannot completely explain. There’s something about you that … that speaks to people. I understand why he would … want you.”

“Luke … there is nothing between Qui-Gon and I … romantically. What happened in the vision … it wasn’t … wasn’t real. Wasn’t what I wanted.” Vader’s eyes were full of pleading for understanding, for belief. His hands clutched too hard at Luke, but the boy didn’t try and draw away. Even hard touches were preferable to none at all.

“I know.” But it still hurt. “Please consider speaking to him about training you, Father. Please just … just consider it.”

Vader sighed then nodded. He raked a hand through his long hair, grimacing when his fingers caught in the curls that were matted with blood. Horror suddenly appeared on his face as he saw the red stain that covered his hand. He scrubbed his palm clean on his pants while his eyes darted into the nearest cell and caught sight of the remains of one of the slavers. He then focused on Luke: huge amber eyes and a slight tremor to his voice as he said, “Young one, I … I’m sorry I have forced us to remain in here so long. It cannot be … be pleasant for you. We … we will go. I am ready to face him now.”

Luke squeezed his father’s bicep. “There’s nothing to fear, Father. You will see. He … he just wants … to make sure you’re all right.”

“Illogical that he should but … I take your word for it.”

With one last squeeze of Luke’s hand, Vader pulled away and pushed the button to open the doors. The Dark Lord was holding his breath. Luke found he was doing the same.

Qui-Gon leant against the far wall; the dark brown and cream robes setting him off against the stark white panels: an elegant, powerful and commanding figure. He was alone; the storm troopers were long gone as they dared not be present when their Lord emerged from the detention block.

‘Why does he have to be handsome and strong and kind?’ Luke thought bitterly for a moment. ‘Why can’t he look like Yoda and exude exasperation with every breath? Because Vader would never respond to that kind of authority. Qui-Gon radiates strength and leadership without … without being overbearing. You just want to be near him and do as he asks.’

Qui-Gon’s piercing grey eyes were fixed on them. He pushed off from the wall, but made no move to advance towards them. Luke knew that before all this happened the Jedi Master would have come near. He would have reached for Vader. A gentle touch on the Dark Lord’s shoulder and a fond smile that would have disarmed Vader like nothing else could.

‘He’s holding back. Why? Oh … because of me. He thinks I’ll feel threatened if he physically touches Father,’ Luke thought and his brow furrowed. ‘Shouldn’t I feel glad that he is staying away? Giving respect to the fact that Vader is mine not his?’ But Luke felt no gladness.

Vader’s gaze met Qui-Gon’s then abruptly skipped to the floor where it remained. Luke could feel his father’s shame and grief arcing out of him in waves. Qui-Gon’s pained expression showed that he felt it, too, and the desire to ease and comfort rolled off of him, but he remained where he was. Again the man resisted helping Vader, because of Luke.

‘This … this is wrong. There shouldn’t be this distance between them. But neither of them will fix this. Only I can.’

Luke’s jealousy still simmered in his gut, but it was not going to stop him from doing what had to be done.

‘I know Father loves me. And I know that Qui-Gon does, too. They will suffer so as not to hurt me. I cannot allow this. It’ll rip us apart in the end and we’ll be at our enemies’ mercy and there’s simply too much at stake.’

With a deep breath, Luke stepped forward and said, “Enough of this.”

Vader’s head jerked up, his gaze zeroing in on Luke. Qui-Gon’s eyes had also darted over to him.

“I won’t have you two avoiding each other because of your fear of hurting me. Its one thing if this is about … about hurting each other, but not … not if it’s about me. And I sense that at least your reticence, Qui-Gon, is based on your desire not to harm me rather than anything to do with Father.”

When neither man spoke or moved, seemingly flummoxed by Luke’s statements, Luke grabbed Qui-Gon’s hand and placed it on Vader’s shoulder. Vader’s eyes searched Luke’s face.

Luke met that concerned gaze and said, “I know you didn’t betray me before and you … won’t in the future. You need him. He needs you. And if you’re both too afraid of acting on that need, because of me we’ll be in trouble. We have to be united against Obi-Wan and Palpatine and this … this new Sith Lord. Qui-Gon is essential in helping you get a hold of your powers, Father. We can’t do this alone.”

Vader ran the back of one hand down Luke’s cheek. His eyes glowed with warmth instead of the eerie Dark Side power. “My son … as I’ve said before … you never cease to surprise me.”

“I’ve got to keep you on your toes, Father. Can’t have you getting bored,” Luke responded with a gaiety he didn’t exactly feel.

“Little chance of that happening.”

Qui-Gon still had not spoken, but there was a lightness coming off of him that Luke knew boded well. He had not removed his hand from Vader’s shoulder and Luke saw him give it a gentle squeeze. Vader accepted the comforting touch. Slowly, Vader turned his head to regard the other man.

“Qui-Gon—”

“Anakin—”

They spoke at the same time. Both men smiled.

“Please, go first,” Qui-Gon said.

“I …,” Vader cleared his throat; his pallor alternated between flushed and pale. He clutched the blanket more tightly around him. “I don’t know what to say. How can I possibly ask for your forgiveness for what is … unforgivable?”

“You don’t have to ask, because I give it to you freely.”

“There’s no excuse for what I did,” Vader said softly. “I could have ki—”

“But you didn’t. You stopped,” Qui-Gon said firmly, his expression almost fierce.

Luke smiled at how convinced Qui-Gon was of Vader’s abilities to control himself even after being attacked. ‘Perhaps he needs such a strong belief in order to not be afraid.’ Considering what Vader was capable of one needed quite a lot of faith not to be terrified. But Luke sensed that Qui-Gon would never allow Vader’s temper or powers or anything else stop him from helping the Dark Lord whether Vader wanted that help or not. Qui-Gon would be a good Master for Vader, Luke realized, and felt both pleased and sick at that thought.

“It was too close,” Vader breathed.

“It was very close. But it taught us both something,” Qui-Gon said.

“That my temper rules me?” Vader asked, bitterness lacing his words. “That I lash out at those who are only trying to help me? That those who … who care for me … are not safe around me? I already knew that!” Vader swallowed deeply. “But even that knowledge didn’t stop me, did it?”

Qui-Gon’s eyes were kind as he said, “Not altogether. But you pulled back, which I know you have not been able to do in the past.”

Vader pressed his lips together. He didn’t respond for a long time. “I don’t want to hurt you or Luke again. I want … I want control and I … I can’t seem to master that on my own.”

Luke could feel the shift in the atmosphere as Vader said these words. Qui-Gon was the one holding his breath this time. His eyes were fixed on Vader as if he hoped to see the words before Vader spoke them. Vader’s head was still down, unable seemingly to meet the Jedi Master’s gaze as he admitted he needed something from another.

“I need … I need your help. Even if it means …” he gave a sigh, “being a …Padawan-learner and wearing a damn braid in my hair, I’ll do it. Whatever it takes. I never want to hurt another person I love again. Would you … would you help me?”

Qui-Gon gave a laugh that startled all three men, but it was full of joy. He wiped away tears that had suddenly formed at the corners of his eyes. “Forgive me for laughing. It’s just … you have no idea how long I have wished to have you as my Padawan and now … now you offer it to me! Life is so strange and wonderful sometimes for as cruel as it can often be.”

“You’ve really wanted this?” Vader asked, amazement tinting his voice. “Even knowing how difficult I can be? Even after I … hurt you?”

“For over thirty-years I’ve wanted it. And your character and the difficulties you face make me want it more not less,” Qui-Gon said, the earnestness in his voice ringing out like a clear bell. With an impish grin, Qui-Gon said, “But don’t worry. I won’t let being your Master go to my head. As proof of that, I won’t make you braid your hair, Anakin.”

Vader’s lips turned up into a smile. “Thank you … Master.” He said the last softly. His expression was difficult to read as if he had been granted something he wanted very much, but was tinged with sadness, too, from knowledge of a life lived without that very thing.

Qui-Gon glowed at the title. Another squeeze of Vader’s shoulder and then the Jedi Master released his hold.

“It won’t be easy, you know,” Vader said.

“I’m always up for a challenge,” Qui-Gon said.

“You may very well be ruing this day not too long from now,” Vader said with a laugh.

“I think I will be more often remembering it with great fondness,” Qui-Gon answered quietly. The tone made Luke smile even as his chest hurt. Qui-Gon loved his father. The open, almost longing look on his face and the slight huskiness to his voice made that abundantly clear to Luke.

Luke glanced over at his father. He saw that Vader had colored slightly and was scuffing the ground with one boot. For a moment, he saw Vader as he must have been all those years ago as an eager, young Padawan, desperate for his Master’s approval.

‘This is how he should have been. Not angry and bitter. If Qui-Gon had been his Master the Empire would never have been, because Father would never have needed the sweet, poisoned lies that Sidious told him,’ Luke realized with startling clarity. ‘I doubt I would have been either. Whoever my mother was … she would not have turned Father’s head from Qui-Gon Jinn. How can I compete with this … this force of nature between them?’

Luke swallowed his pain, but didn’t release it as he had been taught to do. It was too big and too dear to let go of. When Vader lifted his head and met Luke’s gaze, the boy tried to hide what he was feeling. The fact that Vader had their bond closed down to a trickle since the torture began helped, but the Dark Lord was no fool and Luke knew his face often showed what he was feeling just as clearly as the bond did.

“Luke …” Vader said softly and reached for him.

“Don’t worry. It’s nothing. Just … just been a long day,” Luke lied.

Vader’s eyes narrowed. Qui-Gon’s head was down this time, so Luke couldn’t tell what the older man was thinking from his expression.

“I’m fine, Father. Truly. I just … just need to rest, I think.”

‘And run away from this sick feeling of being squeezed in a vise. I can’t do this here. Please, Father, understand!’

Whether Vader heard the thought or just guessed what Luke wanted and needed, he dropped the subject. But he didn’t move away from Luke, instead his arms slid around the boy and held him close. Luke tried to resist the urge to melt against him, but it didn’t work. He sagged against his father’s strong form, his head pillowed against Vader’s broad chest.

Qui-Gon cleared his throat softly and said, “I know that we all need some time to recover from … from all that has occurred, but … we need to discuss our next course of action.”

Luke gave the older man a quizzical look. “Aren’t we going to Corsucant?”

Qui-Gon’s silvery gaze fixed steadily on Vader’s face. The Dark Lord could only meet it for a few moments before his cheeks flushed and he turned his head to the side.

“The Force Web in my mind makes me very vulnerable to Sidious, Luke. He intimated that he would be able to control my powers as well as … my body … without my consent in the future,” Vader explained, his hands clenched into fists at his sides. “I think he may … not … be lying.”

“But if he has this ability why hasn’t he used it before now?” Luke asked.

“I believe that it may be a question of physical proximity in combination with those crystal sacs we found in Engineering. My belief is that as the Executor gets nearer to Coruscant, Sidious’ control over Anakin will grow,” Qui-Gon explained. “It explains why when Vader faced the large droid in the sparring chamber he … momentarily … was frozen, unable to act, but was able to break free, but when Anakin was in the detention block, many light years closer to Sidious, he was unable to free himself without my help.”

Luke clutched tighter at Vader. “What can we do? How can we stop Sidious?”

“We must find some way to disrupt the Force Web if not remove it altogether from Anakin’s mind. Otherwise … it will be too dangerous for Anakin to be anywhere near the Emperor … ever,” Qui-Gon said.

Luke felt chilled. If the Emperor could control Vader’s powers he knew the elder Sith would have no compunction about using them. And the thought of what Sidious could do with those abilities under his control was too horrible to contemplate.

“What’s our first course of action?” Luke asked.

“We need to get off of this ship and away from those crystal sacs. Yet if we merely have the Executor drop us off somewhere, Sidious will have a starting point to look for us and we need as much distance and concealment as we can get. Anakin, you said something about having a plan to get off the Executor without anyone knowing we had, correct?” Qui-Gon asked as he clasped his hands in front of him and Luke was struck by how easily the elder Jedi gave orders and his comfort level in doing so. Not to mention Vader’s and his own acquiescence to Qui-Gon’s leadership.

The Dark Lord nodded. “It’s a ship of my own design. It can exit the Executor while it is hyperspace.”

Luke gasped. “But that’s impossible!”

A genuinely happy smile crossed Vader’s full lips. “Not for the Deathstryke. She is … perfect. Almost. But what she lacks in polish is made up for by the simple fact that she can get us out of here.”

“Well, I’ve come to have great faith in machines that aren’t perfect. After one ride in the Falcon, you’ll believe anything is possible,” Luke said.

“I still cannot believe that flying hunk of junk eluded the Imperial Fleet for so long,” Vader said.

“Does Sidious know about the Deathstryke’s capabilities?” Qui-Gon asked.

“He believes her a failure,” Vader said with a cold smile. “I made quite a show of sulking about it in front of him. He actually gifted me with a Viridian Class Fighter as a consolation prize so I’m sure he believed my act.”

“Now that we have a means to get away where should we go?” Luke asked.

There was something in Qui-Gon’s eyes for a moment that gave Luke pause. He didn’t know what the emotion was that he had seen, but it worried him.

“I … I believe we must go to Tatooine and find the necklace that Salara told us about,” Qui-Gon said.

Vader gave a snort of disbelief and said, “You honestly think that will help? Besides the likelihood of us ever finding it is miniscule! It could be anywhere. Watto was desperate for funds after the Bunta Eve Race. He would have sold everything that wasn’t nailed down, including the necklace, probably for nanos on the credit in the end.”

“But he didn’t sell the necklace to Salara’s husband though,” Luke pointed out.

“Perhaps he truly believed he could sell it for more to someone else or that he could make the man offer more by playing coy. In any event, I’m sure that he sold it to someone years ago,” Vader said. “Force, I remember when I saw him last he was a mere peddler on the street selling trash. He wouldn’t have kept anything of value while he lowered himself to that.”

“You saw him when you went back to Tatooine looking for your mother?” Qui-Gon asked softly.

Vader nodded and Luke felt a flash of pain from him.

The Dark Lord suddenly asked, “Did you intend to leave her …” Vader stopped and swallowed harshly. “It does not matter. Forget that I said anything. We have to concentrate on the here and now.”

Luke wondered what his father meant to ask. He glanced over at Qui-Gon, but he received no help there. The Jedi Master looked at Vader closely, but did not ask him to elaborate. Luke sensed that he would though later. ‘When they are alone …,’ Luke squelched that jealous thought.

“I believe it must be possible for us to find the necklace otherwise he would not have shown it to us,” Qui-Gon said. “And I’m not willing to rule out that it won’t help.”

“Wait a minute. Why do we need the necklace? And who showed you it?” Luke asked, realizing that he hadn’t asked the obvious.

Qui-Gon and Vader looked at one another and Luke knew that something was passing over their bond. Again the pain of being excluded even slightly wore on Luke. So he held onto his father more tightly and was rewarded by a kiss on the head from Vader. There was no sense of jealousy from Qui-Gon because of that act and Luke didn’t know whether to feel pleased or annoyed.

‘He wants to help Father not bed him!’ But Luke knew that helping Vader was only part of what Qui-Gon wanted. Could Qui-Gon have been Vader’s father in the past? Could he be his father now? Wouldn’t at least one of those explain the powerful connection between the two men?

Vader interrupted Luke’s thoughts when he explained, “The Sith in the Archive … showed us the necklace during the vision. He intimated that it was a way to free me from Sidious. I don’t believe him, but … what choice do we have?”

“I admit that I, too, doubt this ancient Sith’s veracity on many things. However, as Anakin so aptly put it, we don’t have any better ideas right now and we must do something. This course looks to be as good as any other,” Qui-Gon said.

“I suppose there is one benefit to going to Tatooine,” Vader said with a slight smile.

“What?” Luke asked.

“It would be the absolute last place in the universe the Emperor will think to look for us,” Vader answered.

Qui-Gon’s eyes then took in how Luke was slumped against Vader and the tiredness in the Dark Lord’s stance as well. “I won’t keep you any longer now that we have determined our next course. We should, however, prepare to leave soon.”

“It won’t take long to prep the Deathstryke. We must … well, I must get clean,” Vader said and drew the blanket around him tighter with a look of distaste down at his soiled chest. “And we should all eat. After I give some orders to Admiral Piett, I believe we will be ready to go.”

“Let us meet up in a few hours then,” Qui-Gon suggested.

“Yes, Hangar Bay 13E,” Vader responded.

“Onto our next adventure,” Luke said softly. “I wonder what it will bring.”

Vader’s POV

Vader tipped his head back, allowing the water from the shower to sluice over his naked body. The dried blood was long gone, but he still felt unclean. He soaped up again and made the water hotter. With the blood and gore washed away, the wounds from Sidious’ cruel use of him stood out lividly against the paleness of his skin. His right nipple was a massive purpling bruise and stung as the hot water hit it. Scrapes ran down his sides and large bruises bloomed along his hips and inner thighs.

These marks were physical proof that he had been helpless. If Qui-Gon had not come when he had, Vader knew Sidious would have had the droid rape him. He swallowed the bile that rose in his throat and his heart began to pound. He could almost feel how it would have been to have the droid’s cold metal probes brutally sodomizing him while Sidious cackled in his ear. His hands clenched into fists and he shook. At that moment he felt a rush of warmth and the sensation of being cradled against a strong chest. Vader froze, panic trickling through him at this sudden unseen visitor, but then he realized it was Qui-Gon who held him in a mental embrace.

‘Qui-Gon?’

‘Yes, it is I, Anakin. Let go of your fear. Everything is all right. Sidious will not have you again. I will protect you. I swear it,’ Qui-Gon sent over their bond.

Vader’s hands unclenched as he was brought back to reality: the rape had not happened. It would not happen. He was safe. For now.

‘We will find a way to free you from him,’ Qui-Gon sent and Vader thought he felt one of the older man’s hands brush over the crown of his head then down to his neck.

Vader’s shoulders slumped as the tension drained from him from the soothing touch. But then he realized how much greater the bond must be for Qui-Gon to be able to send these sensations to him. ‘The bond is—’

‘Stronger. Yes, much stronger.’

‘Is it because we are Master and Apprentice now?’

‘Partially, I believe.’ Qui-Gon sent, but did not elaborate on what he believed the other reasons were for the greater connection.

Vader didn’t ask him to, because he worried that Qui-Gon would talk of the vision and the ancient Sith Lord. He couldn’t speak of that quite yet.

‘I am well now … Master,’ Vader sent, still hesitant about using the title, but not for the reasons he thought he’d be. It was not that he resented calling another man ‘Master’ but that he feared that Qui-Gon would suddenly say he didn’t have the right to do so.

‘Good. I am here whenever you need me. You are not alone in this, Anakin, or anything else anymore,’ Qui-Gon sent and the sensation of being held grew and another tender brush of invisible fingers carded through his wet hair.

‘You … you can release me now, Master,’ Vader sent as an unaccustomed blush heated his cheeks. He realized that even though Qui-Gon was not physically holding him naked in the shower, the mental embrace felt excruciatingly intimate since nonetheless.

‘Forgive me. I … your distress was so acute …,’ Qui-Gon murmured and the sensation of being held slowly dissipated as if the other man were still reluctant to let him go.

Vader was silent for a moment. For all that he had said to Qui-Gon after the vision, he truly didn’t know what the Jedi Master felt about what had occurred. Did Qui-Gon want to be his father? His lover? His Master? Or all three? And did it matter so long as Qui-Gon understood that Luke was the only one who would share Vader’s bed?

As if sensing some of what Vader thought, Qui-Gon sent, ‘We must talk later about … about many things. You know this?’

Vader shut his eyes for a moment. ‘Yes, Master. Just not … not right yet.’

‘I know, my Padawan. When you are ready … or when it must be done.’

Vader felt warmth explode in his chest being called ‘my Padawan.’ The reaction was so strong it took him off guard. Apparently, Qui-Gon was not the only one who had wanted the Master-Padawan relationship all along. It almost overcame his dread at the thought of the conversations they would have.

‘One last thing, Anakin. What did you want to ask me earlier outside the detention block?’ Qui-Gon asked.

Vader swallowed. He blamed that question sneaking out of his mouth on the stress he had been under. It was based on something he had thought of often after Shmi had died, but had believed he’d long since stopped caring about. The question was simply whether Qui-Gon would have left Shmi on Tatooine as Obi-Wan and the Jedi Counsel had, or whether he would have rescued her.

Vader’s fondest belief back then had been that, if Qui-Gon had lived, his mother’s death would not have occurred, because the Jedi Master would have saved her or would have allowed Vader to do so himself much sooner. This was his chance to find out if he was right. But was it a good idea to ask? What if Qui-Gon’s answer disappointed him? Would it tarnish the image he had of the Jedi Master? Would it taint their nascent Master-Padawan relationship? He didn’t want that.

‘Or am I just being a complete coward?’ Vader thought to himself. ‘I should accept the man as who he is. Not put him on a pedestal from which he is sure to fall.’

Yet he still wanted to know the answer.

‘Master … I was going to ask … what your intentions were towards my mother. About whether you had … had any plans to attempt to free her after we left Tatooine,’ Vader sent.

The bond was quiet, though there was a comforting hum coming over it.

Qui-Gon sent, ‘I should respond to your question with the statement that we should not live in the past, nor agonize over those decisions that we cannot go back and undo, but accept that they occurred along with the emotions they bring, and then release them.’

Vader’s shoulders slumped and his chin dropped to his chest. That was the answer that one would expect to get from a Jedi Master. It was the sensible answer. But it didn’t help the pain in his heart.

Then Qui-Gon continued with almost a mental sigh, ‘But that is not the answer I am going to leave you with. I find it dissatisfying and … sterile. But I am uncertain if I should say more.’

Vader’s head had jerked up when Qui-Gon had decided to give another answer, but as the Jedi Master continued a puzzled frown crossed his lips. ‘Why uncertain?’

‘It’s just that I … I don’t want to make you any more bitter towards Obi-Wan because of this.’

‘I doubt that could be possible, Master. I have no good feelings left for him. If they were not gone when he left me in the lava then they were scoured clean when he arranged to have my son burnt to a cinder.’ Vader’s eyes narrowed dangerously. Dead or not, Vader would find a way to make Obi-Wan pay for that.

‘Yes, I feared that was so. But in regards to your mother … you must understand that I never told him my plans. He never had any idea what I intended to do. I did not expect to … to die and leave so much unfinished.’

Vader felt his chest go tight. ‘You had a plan? To save her? Tell me what it was!’

‘This is all hindsight, Anakin. I do not even know if it would have worked.’

‘But it could have!’ Vader’s heart beat faster. ‘Tell me … please.’

‘I had a sum of money saved--’

‘Money? Of course … funds to buy her!’

He felt Qui-Gon’s amusement tinged with concern at the violence of his emotions. Vader’s thoughts on his mother had always been chaotic and since he had realized his own culpability in her death, he found his interest in what Qui-Gon would have done greater than even before.

‘I’m sorry, Master, I won’t interrupt again.’ Vader forced himself into silence and quieted his feelings so that Qui-Gon could tell him what the plan was. He feared the older man would decide against it if he continued on like this.

‘I knew that Watto had foolishly bet all his funds on the Bunta Eve Race and after he lost … well, I guessed he would have to sell almost all he owned and a slave, as you know, is an expensive possession to keep.’ The dryness in Qui-Gon’s tone let Vader know how much the older man despised the thought of considering anyone a possession.

‘He always grouched that we ate him out of house and home even though Mother grew most of our food and … scavenged in … in trash bins for the rest.’

Vader swallowed as he then remembered the moment he’d found that out. His mother had given him all the fresh food they had in the house. She had refused to take any even though there was nothing left for her to eat. Then she had told him that she had a task to do and he should remain inside playing while she was gone. He had followed after her instead, trailing her stealthily to a trash heap in a better part of town. She hadn’t been uncertain in her destination and that alone had let him know she’d gone this way many times before. Her eyes, when she realized he’d seen her picking up half-rotten vegetables and maggoty meat and eating them, were so defeated. Slaves were normally well-fed and watered, because they were expensive property, but Watto always kept them just on the edge of deprivation. Vader snapped back to the moment when Qui-Gon mentally spoke to him again.

‘To say I am sorry for what you both suffered is a paltry thing, but I am. I knew things were … worse … than they looked when we visited you and then that damn Gungan was eating everything,’ Qui-Gon growled the last part.

Vader couldn’t help the smile crossing his lips as he remembered how Qui-Gon had caught Jar-Jar’s tongue in mid-swipe of a parle fruit. That was his first glimpse at Force-enhanced reflexes and speed at work. And Qui-Gon’s simple action had electrified him. He had thought of how many he could help with such skills. Vader grimaced. He had either fallen far from that ideal or become less naïve.

‘That was our food for … the week. But I wanted you to have it. Mother did as well. You were our guests and you were … Jedi,’ Vader stopped and winced. He had idolized the Jedi so much back then, which was probably why his hatred of them became so great later.

‘Great Force, your food for the week? We shouldn’t have taken any of it! Why didn’t I think … realize--’

‘We didn’t want you to know. It would have been shameful,’ Vader interrupted. ‘And … our home looked relatively … prosperous. Mother always managed to make things … pleasant. Happy. We didn’t want our life to be ruled any more than it already was by slavery and Watto’s whims.’

‘I … I wish I had gotten there sooner … gotten you away from there younger,’ Qui-Gon sent then went silent, ruminating perhaps on the rest of Vader’s life as a slave.

The Dark Lord did not want Qui-Gon to question him on what other hardships he had endured back them. He kept those things in a dark place in his mind behind a locked door, which he resolutely ignored. In order to distract the older man’s train of thought and get back to his original question, he sent, ‘Please go on. Tell me … tell me how you planned to save my mother.’

Vader could feel the Jedi Master gather his thoughts together before he sent, ‘I guessed Watto would not sell Shmi to me even for twice the going rate out of spite for getting you away from him. But through an intermediary, I was sure he’d rise to the bait. A rather … disreputable friend of mine … had agreed to make the transaction for me as well as changing my Republic credits into good currency on Tatooine. I would funnel the money to him and he would purchase your mother and bring her to Coruscant … where she would have been free. I had enough saved to then set her up in a small apartment and … and could have provided for her.’

Vader realized he was holding his breath. ‘She would have been free and safe on Coruscant …’ Vader let the breath go. She would have been on the same planet as him. He could have seen her, been with her, felt her hands on him, and heard her voice in his ear. ‘Would you have … let me … see her?’

‘I doubt I could have stopped you,’ Qui-Gon sent with an amused chuckle, but then sobered, ‘but of course, I would have. You were not like other younglings that had no memories or connections to your parents. You had lived six years with her. Severing that bond would have been … was … damaging to you.’

Vader stood there. The shower water splashed against his back and shoulders, but he hardly felt it any more. He was focused on that last moment he had spent with his mother. She lay broken and bleeding and dying and still … still her thoughts had been of him and how proud she was of her Jedi Knight son. He clenched his hands into fists.

‘She never … never blamed me for … for not coming back for her,’ Vader sent.

‘I know. I was with you then. It wasn’t your fault … what happened to her.’

Vader felt the hot burn of tears behind his eyes and his shoulders shook. ‘Then whose was it if not mine? She had me alone to care for her. I was her only family. I was her son! I could have used a fraction of the money I frittered away from my pod-racing … my own allowance as well … to have freed her and saved her, but I didn’t!’

‘My Padawan … do not torture yourself with this. It is a dead end. It will lead no where.’

‘You died before you could help her, but I lived and could have done as you had planned to. What is my excuse? I have none!’

The sensation of being embraced returned, but Vader fought against the comfort. He thrashed against the phantom arms, but it was no use. He was held tight. His chest heaved with sobs that he tried to stuff back into his mouth. He didn’t want them to come out. He didn’t want Luke to hear and find him ripped apart emotionally again. So the words and the almost howls of anguish, spilt out over his bond with Qui-Gon like a torrent instead.

‘She was my mother and I … FAILED her!’

‘You didn’t, Padawan!’

‘I did! I was weak and stupid and selfish and … and she DIED! I was in the lap of luxury with the Jedi and she was sold to a blasted moisture farmer! Out in the desert … away from the safety of the cities … near the sand people! The sand people … monsters!’ Vader slammed his closed fists against his thighs, digging at his own limbs with anguish.

‘You couldn’t know what would happen, Anakin!’ Qui-Gon’s presence filled him, trying to stem the black rush of self-hate that poured out of Vader’s soul.

‘I had visions of her agony, but I ignored them. Don’t you understand? I was more afraid of being censured by the Force-damned Council than saving my own mother! Who ate garbage for me! Who—’

‘You did go to her! You went. You defied the Council and Obi-Wan. You did go!’

‘But too late! Too late.’ Vader sank down to the floor, tucking his legs against his chest and wrapping his arms around them. Tears were falling and mixing with the water of the shower as he sent, ‘And when she … she lay cold and still in arms … all I had to offer her was … was their blood. All of it. Spilt everywhere. Pooling on the sands like ichor … thick and heavy and almost sweet-smelling and … you shouted at me to stop. And I didn’t. I didn’t!’

‘Anakin, hold on, I am coming to you.’

At first, Vader thought, ‘Please, Master, I need you!’ But then with a sudden spike of fear mixed with understanding, he realized how this would look to Luke: that he turned to Qui-Gon before his beloved son; that they’d been speaking while Vader showered; that he’d hidden from Luke what he was feeling. He could explain all this away as innocent, because it was, but he knew that Luke would be hurt. The boy would put that hurt to the side and give him that sad smile and accept, but inside his son would be bleeding. He couldn’t do that. He wouldn’t do that. He’d already hurt his boy too much already.

‘Qui-Gon , don’t come to me! Don’t!’

Vader felt the other man freeze at his mental shout.

‘What? Why?’

Vader forced his breathing to even out. He gripped the tile walls, counting breaths, until his chest stopped seizing. He wiped a hand over his red, streaming eyes. He reeled in his emotions, shoving them down deep inside him behind that door.

‘You mustn’t come,’ he sent much more calmly.

‘I am coming to you. This is not up for debate, Padawan. You need me.’ Qui-Gon’s strong spirit almost compelled Vader to obey, to stop resisting, but the Dark Lord struggled against it.

‘I need you … not to come right now.’

‘For Force’s sake, why?’

‘Because of Luke!’

Their bond went strangely silent then. Vader realized that Qui-Gon was consciously blocking whatever he was thinking and feeling about the boy. Vader didn’t know why.

‘What about Luke? Tell me, Anakin.’

‘He is already rubbed raw by what happened between us in the vision. I know he is jealous and uncertain about his place with me. I can’t put him through more now. I am … will be … fine.’

He felt Qui-Gon contemplating what he said, but he could not read the other man’s emotions again. He sensed that the Jedi Master had stopped running and was now only walking to him.

Finally, Qui-Gon sent, ‘I understand your concerns, Anakin. I … I do not wish to hurt Luke either, but … he cannot ...’

‘Cannot what?’

Qui-Gon’s embrace tightened around him as the older man sent, ‘He cannot interfere in our training. There will come times, like now, when … when things will get very emotional and very deep very fast and … you must rely upon me to guide you out of the torrents of emotion. Nothing must come between a Master and a Padawan during those times. Not even Luke. Do you understand?’

‘You will not come now though?’

There was a long moment of silence. Vader could almost picture the man either pacing the hallways like a caged lion or standing stock still with those penetrating eyes fixed forward, debating if he would honor Vader’s request.

‘I will stay away for the moment even if I do not think it is wise,’ Qui-Gon sent finally. He did not sound pleased.

Vader rubbed his face with his hands. ‘I don’t know what to do about … anything. I don’t know how this should be between us. I don’t know how to be a Padawan anymore if I ever did. I’ve been a Sith Apprentice for so long.’

‘I believe there should be great trust between a Sith Master and Apprentice, that there must be, in order to face the dangers that the Dark Side poses to the users.’

Vader gave a soft laugh. ‘That is not what my experience has taught me. The Master and Apprentice can never trust each other. They are at odds. Adversaries. Enemies at the basic core. Because the Master, for as much as he teaches and relies upon his Apprentice, his ultimate goal must always be for that Apprentice to … fail.’

‘Because in order for the Apprentice to become a Master, he must kill his Master, correct?’

‘Yes. That’s the only way.’

‘That’s the only way that you were taught, but it is not the only way, Anakin.’

‘Do you think yourself a Sith Lord? A natural Dark Side user?’ Vader asked.

‘All I know for certain is that I am … your Master. What else that makes me, I’m not sure. But in the end … that I am your Master, that it is my solemn duty to protect, teach, guide and care for you … is all that matters,’ Qui-Gon answered, his mind voice had the lulling quality of an ocean. ‘I do not seek your failure. Your successes are mine. I want you to attain mastery. That is the path we are set upon together and, if you let me help you, I will do everything in my power to see that we reach the end.’

‘That … that sounds perfect. I only wish I could believe that I am entitled to walk such a path.’

‘Then trust me, because I know you are,’ Qui-Gon sent, so certain, so sure.

Vader slumped further against the shower’s tile walls, overwhelmed with the changes that had occurred not just in the last 24 hours, but over the last week as well and he drained by the emotional upheaval that seemed to grip him this day. He stared blindly forward. Qui-Gon’s confidence and strength was alluring. His offer of protection and guidance something that Vader had never experienced.

‘I should not need your help,’ he sent weakly. ‘I am 43 years old and still … a Padawan! The oldest Padawan in history, I’m sure.’

Qui-Gon’s mental chuckle made Vader smile slightly. He was relieved his smile didn’t feel like a ragged gash across his face.

‘We never stop being students, Anakin, and there is no shame in needing help.’

‘You say that only because you are the one helping rather than being helped. You are the Master. You … you are everything you should be. Strong and confident and wise … a tower … a pillar … a monolith,’ Vader sent the last almost absently.

‘Unfortunately, I am flesh and blood and fail all too easily. My shortcomings will probably show up all the more powerfully because of these supposed strengths. And you are wrong that I am only the teacher in our relationship. You are teaching me as well,’ Qui-Gon sent with gentle warmth and affection.

Vader closed his eyes. ‘I’m … I’m so tired, Master.’

‘I know, my Padawan. Rely upon my strength now to sustain you.’

A pulse of energy flowed over the bond and Anakin felt not only his mental and physical aches ease, but there was also a sense of peace and calm left behind that he knew could not be his own.

‘Master, what is this?’ Vader probed at the feelings and realized they came from a structure that was very similar to the Force web that Sidious had constructed.

‘It is to help you with control.’

A panicky fluttering filled Vader’s chest. ‘But … but it’s an outside control. It’s … it’s you. You are trying to control me like Sidious!’

‘No! This is not like the Force web. I would never do that to you. Think of it as if you were standing at the edge of a cliff and you leant too far forward … this is the safety line to keep you from falling.’

Vader’s shoulders tensed and his mental voice was icy when he sent, ‘You put this in my mind without my permission!’

Qui-Gon’s response was very carefully and steady, ‘It is a part of the training, but … you are right. I should have told you about it and … asked for permission. Already I have misstepped. I am sorry, Anakin. Do you wish me to remove it?’

Vader twisted his hands in his lap. He wanted to scream, ‘yes’ and punish the other man for his presumption, but the images of crushing Qui-Gon’s throat, of severing Luke’s hand, and of Padme’s crumpled pregnant form rose up in his mind’s eye and stopped him. ‘No, it may remain … for now. But … but I may change my mind if you overstep again.’

‘I understand. It is not a permanent construct in any event. Just for training. You will hardly notice it.’

Vader did not find that last part comforting. He wanted to be aware now of how others were affecting him.

‘I need to be alone now, Master,’ Vader sent.

He felt his Master’s understanding yet the concern for his well-being remained, but Qui-Gon sent simply, ‘Of course. I am here should you need me.’

Vader felt Qui-Gon pull back, leaving only a faint awareness of his presence and apparently giving the Dark Lord his privacy. Vader’s thoughts whirled. He felt like he was falling with no idea if he would grab a ledge or end up splashing into deep water or smacking into concrete.

Over the patter of the shower, he could hear Luke speaking to Artoo outside in their chambers, instructing the droid on the food they required. Merely the sound of his son’s voice made him feel warm inside. Vader swallowed as he let his hands drop down by his sides. He didn’t deserve to take comfort from his child. Although Luke had accepted what had gone on between him and Qui-Gon was not voluntary, he had felt Luke’s pain at his unwilling betrayal. And on top of all that, the boy had found him with the slavers.

‘Covered in blood and gore … like some animal run amok,’ Vader thought with disgust. ‘Will this construct in my mind stop that from happening again?’

Yet the construct was but another connection between Qui-Gon and Vader. The Dark Lord felt a frission of guilt over the intimacy of the bond that he and Qui-Gon now shared. He had never understood until this moment how others could affect and be affected by the Master-Padawan bond. Luke felt his and Qui-Gon’s increased closeness keenly and believed he was losing some part of Vader to the older man. How was he to assure his son that this was not so?

The door to the bathroom suddenly opened. Steam rushed out and cooler air came in along with Luke. The boy wore nothing. He was naked and golden and Vader’s breath caught as he quickly washed away any signs of distress. Despite their kisses and caresses back in the detention center, he had not thought his son would let him near for a time. It was something Padme would have done to punish him. But Luke was not Padme. Luke was like no one else he had ever known.

“Do you wish to bathe, Luke?” Vader asked, not wanting to push an intimacy his son did not want at this time, while he clambered to his feet.

“No,” Luke responded softly as he opened the glass doors to the shower and stepped inside. “I just want to be with you.”

Vader turned the water from scalding to something far more comfortable in temperature, but his eyes never left his alluring son. Luke spread his hands wide and they hovered over Vader’s chest for a moment as if uncertain whether he was allowed to touch. Vader grasped them and placed them against his skin. Luke made a soft, pleased sound then gave a little gasp as he saw Vader’s injured right nipple. His fingers trailed down the cuts on Vader’s sides. It was the lightest of touches, but Vader could not hold back the flinch. It did not hurt only he felt shamed to have Luke see how weak he had been.

“Father, you’re hurt! Did Sidious do this to you?”

Vader gritted his teeth and nodded. He didn’t want to think of Sidious now. He just wanted to think of his son.

“You should have said you were hurt before! I didn’t see … it must have been under the blood … let me heal you now,” Luke said

“You don’t need to.”

Luke looked up at him questioningly. “But I want to.”

“I mean … they are minor injuries. I don’t want you to tire yourself more by healing them.” And Vader felt he deserved them for being so easily overcome. But Luke would not be denied.

“There’s plenty of Force energy here. I won’t have to use any of my own.”

Vader stood still while his son healed the wounds. It was strange to see them just fade away as if they had never been in seconds. Smooth, unblemished skin that his son gently stroked was revealed. The boy then tipped his head back. Water ran enticingly down his slender neck and gushed over his pink nipples and flat, muscled stomach. Luke smoothed his wet hair back from his forehead and looked up at Vader. His eyes met Vader’s then flicked away. The Dark Lord saw the taut lines of his body radiating tension.

“You want to ask me something,” Vader intuited. “But you don’t know how.”

Vader wasn’t sure he was capable of another conversation today, but Luke mattered more than anything and anyone. He would go through fire for the boy. So a conversation was hardly asking for much.

“I know what I want to ask. I … just don’t know if I want the answers,” Luke said. His hands were splayed across Vader’s chest, thumbs moving in lazy circles over Vader’s pectoral muscles in a way that almost tickled but felt good nonetheless.

“Since I’m not sure what you are going to ask, I can only promise to answer truthfully,” Vader said as he strained to hear anything over their bond to alert him to what Luke was going to say, but it remained stubbornly quiet. Was his son blocking him?

‘He’s protecting himself from me. Hiding his emotions.’

“Alright,” Luke said and swallowed then said, “I need to know … if you’re still mine. If you still want to be … only mine,” Luke said softly.

“Yes, to both,” Vader answered with out hesitation.

Luke pressed his body full length against Vader’s. The Dark Lord moaned softly. They fit so perfectly together. His cock began to rise from its nest of dark curls. Vader ran his hands down Luke’s back until he palmed the smooth, full globes of his son’s buttocks. He ached to sink inside his son’s body, make them one again, and banish the feeling of another’s hands on him. He wanted to assure his son that they were together and he was with no other.

“But if you had a chance … if he offered it to you … would you want Qui-Gon, too?” Luke asked, his breath puffing lightly against Vader’s neck.

Despite the mild tone of his son’s question, Vader heard the raw edge. Why his son was so shielded from him became very clear.

“Father, I need to know if … if you want … him.”

Vader drew back to see his son’s face. Luke shut those luminous blue eyes. He was shaking despite the warmth of the water and Vader’s body beside his. Vader placed the first two fingers of his right hand under Luke’s chin and tilted it up. Luke’s eyes opened. He must tell the truth. All of it. Even the one part Luke would not like, because it was the only way to convince the boy of the veracity of the rest.

“In another life … one without you in it … I would have wanted him,” Vader admitted.

Luke went pale and his lower lip trembled. Vader stilled the trembling by running his thumb over the quivering flesh.

Vader’s eyes caught and held his son’s tremulous gaze as he continued, “But in this life, Luke … this life, our life … you are all I want. All I’ll ever want.”

Vader then sealed that promise with a searing kiss.