Gilbert's New Girl

A week or so later, Becky called to tell Gilbert she was going into hospital on March 2nd. He asked his boss for a weeks leave, but because he was on a temporary contract with Food Land he was not entitled to paid leave. Gilbert hadn’t imagined his leave request would cause a problem, especially as they weren’t having to pay him for his time off, but his boss said that if he took the time off, then he couldn’t hold his job for him! It was just one more thing for Gilbert to worry about, but he knew what he had to do, and job or no job, he knew where he needed to be. The night before he was due to leave, Gilbert was in the kitchen with me, while Tally was busy upstairs packing his suitcase. ‘Becky promised me that she would tell Mary Jane that she could come and stay with me, I mean if she needed to, if she had to,’ he said quietly, ‘she said she would give her that option.’ It was his way of preparing me for the possibility, remote as we both believed it to be, that he could return with his daughter in tow. ‘Mary Jane is your flesh and blood, Gilbert and she’s welcome here anytime she wants to come.’ Poor Gilbert! He was chewing on the inside of his cheek, and I could tell from the way he was breathing that he was struggling not to break down. ‘Will you take care of Tally for me?’ he asked me, his voice thick with tears. I touched his face gently, ‘Of course I will. Tally will be fine as long as she knows you’re okay.’ Unexpectedly, Gilbert put his arms around me, burying his face in my neck. I felt the warmth and wetness of his tears touching my skin and at that moment I thought my heart would break for him. All I could do was to hug him tighter and rub his back. I knew he was hurting, and I knew he was afraid, and although I was heartbroken for him, I was also deeply touched that he had turned to me for comfort.

The next day after Gilbert set out for Michigan, driving Tucker’s new car, scared that his old truck wouldn’t make the long journey, Tally broke down and cried her eyes out. Her tears were not for herself; she could only think of the sorrow and anguish Gilbert was going through, and it tore her apart. Tucker and I did the best we could to comfort her, but the poor girl was bereft until Gilbert called her to say he was fine. On the day that Becky underwent her surgery, I was a nervous wreck waiting for Gilbert to call. I had taken a day off work, too worried to even think about leaving Tally alone. It was late afternoon when Gilbert finally called. The surgery had gone well, but the next forty eight hours were crucial. He sounded relieved that Becky had made it through, but you could also hear the exhaustion in his voice. Mary Jane was coping well, he said, but she shied away from Gilbert, from his affection, but he understood her need to distance herself from him. He might have understood it, but it still must have hurt him to be rejected by his daughter. That night I couldn’t sleep for thinking about Gilbert alone in his motel room. And I was filled with regret for all the times when he had felt alone and miserable in this house with me. Times when I could have knocked on his door and asked if he was okay; it wouldn’t have taken much to show him some sympathy, but I was too busy feeling sorry for myself to reach out to him. Tucker was right. I might have been there, but I wasn’t there for Gilbert.

Becky continued to do well, and by the end of the week when Gilbert was due to leave, the doctors were confident that she was out of danger. They told Gilbert that it would take a few months for her to recover completely, but she was over the worst of it now. Once Mary Jane knew her Mom was going to be okay, she relaxed enough to acknowledge Gilbert’s presence, but things were still awkward between them. Mary Jane hadn’t seen Gilbert for three years and although she wrote to him two or three times a year, and occasionally spoke to him on the phone, the contact between them was not enough to allow the closeness of a daughter and a father. Becky’s grandmother tried to explain Mary Jane’s behaviour to Gilbert, but he stopped her, saying, ‘She’s got her priorities right. She needs to focus on her Mom right now, and the last thing I want is to make things tougher by expecting her to pretend to feelings she doesn’t have….feelings maybe I don’t deserve.’ Nana had hugged Gilbert and told him that she had never thought of him as a bad father. She said he was as good a father to Mary Jane as Becky had allowed him to be. The last day of Gilbert’s visit was the first time he had the chance to really talk to Becky after her surgery. She was still very weak, but she anxious to thank Gilbert for being there, ‘not only for Mary Jane,’ she said, ‘but it helped to know that you were rooting for me too.’ She and Gilbert promised to make more effort to keep in touch for the sake of their daughter, and when Gilbert told Becky that he had asked Tally to marry him, she held his hand and smiled at him. ‘She’s perfect for you,’ Becky said as she stroked his hand. ‘I’m really happy for you Gilbert, you deserve the best and I think you’ve got it with Tally. Now go on home to your girl.’

On the long journey home, Gilbert called Tally at least four or five times and when I asked her if everything was all right, she smiled with tears in her eyes. ‘He said he just needed to hear my voice.’ Poor Tally had missed Gilbert so much, and yet she had never once voiced her own feelings to him while he was in Michigan. She knew he had enough emotions to deal with already, and she was sensitive enough to spare him the added burden of knowing she was miserable without him. In those last few hours as we waited for Gilbert to arrive back home, Tally couldn’t settle at all. She cleaned the kitchen and worked her way through a mountain of ironing, glancing at the clock every few minutes. In the end I had to shoo her out of the kitchen to go and get ready for the moment Gilbert walked back through the front door. When she came back downstairs she looked so young and so pretty, and her love for my brother was so strong that I could feel it radiating off her and wafting through the house like the top notes of her sweet perfume. Once again, I felt a pang of envy for the power of love that she and Gilbert shared, but at least I now knew that love like that existed and maybe there was hope for me after all.

I made a decision that I would stick around only to welcome Gilbert back home. I would not bombard him with questions, or demand to know every single thing that happened. He would be tired and all he really wanted was to be held in Tally’s arms until he fell asleep wrapped up in her love. I called Tucker and asked him if I could come over to his place for the night. Poor Tucker was taken aback, but he said yes. ‘Don’t worry about making up another bed,’ I told him, ‘I feel like I need some company tonight.’ There was a long silence on the other end of the line, and then I heard Tucker exhaling a long, slow breath as he said, ‘Me too, Amy. I could use some company too.’