No Rest For The Weary

A/N: I know that it has been a while since I last posted, but I am doing the best I can between 12 hour shifts and other projects taking up my attention and time. Thank you for your patience.

Lisa

---

Simmons paced his office. The shades were drawn shut, all calls put through to voice mail, all appointments canceled. The bags normally present under his eyes had seemed to have grown over the last week and a half. The requests for records of where the funds allocated to his department's budget were going were coming from higher and higher personnel each day. Each day he had to come up with more elaborate explanations, more spin to explain why his department had gone over budget many times over. More reasons to justify his absence and the absence of half of the Joint Chiefs. More excuses and false theories as to why several million gallons of fuel had suddenly gone missing. And now to make matters worse, there were reports that Megatron had returned and taken over control of the Decepticons from Starscream.

Simmons jumped as his phone rang, his heart nearly racing itself out of his chest and down the hall. He was about to chastise his secretary for not following orders when he noticed the light next to 'Star' was blinking. Simmons jerked the receiver off of the cradle, barking a harsh, "'Bout damn time!" into the speaker. He was about to go on when he heard a voice he did not recognize laughing on the other end of the line. It raised the hackles on the back of his neck, as though the Devil himself were laughing at his presumed dominance of the conversation.

"My, my Mr. Simmons. We need to work on your manners," said the voice, drawing a nervous gulp from Simmons. "You may begin again. With a little more respect, if you please."

Simmons didn't know whether to hang up or not. The new voice sounded vaguely familiar. It took several moments before Simmons matched the inflections to another voice he had hoped he would never hear again. And as he realized who he was speaking to, he could feel his stomach sinking somewhere around his feet. "Megatron?" The laugh confirmed his worst fears. Mouth suddenly dry, Simmons tried to work up a fraction of his bravado, but all that came out was a pathetic squeak when his nervousness stifled his ability to form a coherent sentence.

"That word was once my designation. However, since I have risen anew, a different designation is in order. I am Galvetron." The voice on the other end seemed amused with the silence. Perhaps he had imagined the human had lost consciousness or had any number of malfunctions in response to his one time captive returning from the Pit. "My pet has informed me that you had an arrangement with him concerning the eradication of a certain Prime in exchange for fuel." The statement was not a question, the voice waiting no longer than was necessary for Simmons to nod mutely on the other end of the line. "I wonder, perhaps, if the arrangement were still open for negotiation?"

---

"Chocolate chip cookie dough..."

"Unbaked?"

"Is there any other way to eat it?"

Optimus chuckled at Ellie, listening as she lengthened her list.

"Salt water taffy, Dr. Pepper, swimming in the ocean."

"What about your prosthetic leg? Did it not rust in salt water?"

"Nope, it was a titanium alloy." Ellie smiled. "Though most of the time I would have to take it off. Other wise I would have to wear this plastic sleeve over it that would keep the water out of the seat. The sleeve never wore well with a swim suit and if I didn't wear it, I would become nothing more than a fleshie bobber dangling a titanium lure since salt water doesn't mix well with electrodes."

"Yes, I suppose that would be problematic," Optimus chuckled. Though he supposed if Ellie did manage to hook a fish on the end of her foot, she would commandeer a boat and tell the driver to call for a fish fry.

Ellie got a wicked glint in her optic. "Sex on the beach."

"The drink or the act?" Optimus lifted one optical ridge over the other, trying not to laugh at the blank expression on Ellie's face. He seemed amused that Ellie thought she could pull a fast one on him.

"Well...both," Ellie recovered after a few seconds. "But I think Ratchet would weld both our asses to the wall if we ever tried it."

"Yes, I suppose you are right. The sand alone is enough of a deterrent. I have heard that it even hinders with a human's normal functions if it gets into certain places."

"Oh, you have no idea!" Ellie leaned back on her elbows, watching the sun set on the western side of the base. "So, what do you miss most about your home?" When Optimus didn't answer after a few seconds Ellie sat up. Optimus had a conflicted look on his face. Almost as though trying to remember brought him more pain than nostalgia. Ellie placed her hand on his shoulder, watching as Optimus' face went through an entire range of expressions from pained to a rather unusual smile that looked to Ellie like he was remembering one of those things that at the time, should not nave been funny.

Ellie began to regret asking Optimus about his home. Sure she was curious, but not if it hurt him this much. But the expression that seemed to win out was something along the lines of a sad smile. Ellie took the initiative as an errant thought brought a smile to her face. "You know what I don't miss," she asked, noticing that the question had distracted Optimus from his melancholy musings. "PMS, I really love not having to deal with it." One side of Optimus' mouth quirked slightly upward.

"You ever felt like someone had stuck a pair of pliers between your legs and locked them closed?" Ellie's expression brought the other corner of Optimus' mouth up as he shook his head. "And the cramps, bloating and let's not forget the constipation!" Ellie rolled her optics, an action which Optimus found both entertaining and disturbing at the same time. "Then there's shaving and having to get up in the middle of the night, fish for my leg and hobble to the bathroom before I christen the floor." Optimus burst out in deep laughter as Ellie ticked off the things that she did not miss about her human body. He had heard Mikaela complain about the same things before, but never in such vivid detail.

"Nicking your leg while shaving and then going swimming the next day is torture. Especially when you shave the bikini area. You'd be about ready to kill every other person at the beach." Ellie shook her head. "Then there's the occasional stomach virus, head cold, the flu." She seemed to stop herself, getting a thoughtful look on her face. "I don't think I would want to go back to being human if it was possible. Minus hitting my head on the top of a door every once in a while, this is a hell of a lot better than dealing with odd bodily functions that never seem to do as they're told." Ellie watched Optimus from the corner of her optic, noting his smile had gone and was replaced with a thoughtful frown.

Ellie laid her head on his shoulder, garnering his attention once again. "And I couldn't do this either," she smiled up at the Autobot leader. "Which is one of the bigger perks." Her arms had snaked themselves around Optimus' mid-section. As the Autobot leader accepted what he thought was an embrace, Ellie dipped a finger in between a gap in his armor. Optimus could not stop himself as he started squirming as Ellie's questing digits began teasing his main motivator cable, making his left leg twitch. The sensation was like having small insects crawling inside his armor, though it also had a strangely pleasurable flavor to it that turned the annoying tingling into an insistent wave of sensations that caused the most curious sound to form in his vocalizer.

Ellie smiled as Optimus made the same sound Ratchet had earlier, like someone was trying to get the last bit of shaving cream from an empty can. Optimus was trying his best not to laugh, but he was losing as his left leg twitched in the manner that a dog's would when scratched in his favorite spot. Optimus lost his battle to stay dignified and started laughing uproariously. It took a few moments for Optimus to regain control of his movement, and he turned the tables on Ellie as he returned the favor. Their positions changed as Optimus pinned Ellie down and started administering the same treatment, making her laugh so hard she thought she could feel the old human urge to wet herself.

The two were so engrossed in each other that they failed to notice that they had acquired an audience. Sunstreaker had followed the sounds of laughter and now wore a perplexed look on his face as he watched the Autobot leader laughing with his spark-mate. Sunny had never been in the fortunate situation to see his leader smile, and to watch him laughing was something he had thought the mech was incapable of! Though the situation seemed to change in tone as the two settled down. "Oh Optimus..."

"My audios!!" Sunny screeched, covering the sides of his head as well as his optics as best he could, making retching sounds as he backed away from the scene. The two he had disturbed watched him with a mixture of amusement and annoyance as the yellow warrior acted as though he had just walked in on his own creators. None noticed a shadow above the rocky outcropping as it moved a hand in the air toward a passing flock of birds. An almost undetectable low tone emanated from the shadow and the retreating form of Sunny was stopped cold as a streak of watery purple fell on his shoulder. As soon as the yellow mech registered what the substance was, the rest of the flock unloaded onto the helpless mech. Sunny screeched in horror as his newly repainted armor was covered in bird droppings stained purple from the birds' last meal of late season dewberries. Sunstreaker screamed obscenities at the air as he tried to aim his cannon at the retreating flock of birds in the distance. He was jolted out of his fury, however when a rock sailed through the air and made contact with the back of his head.

The warrior whipped around, his cannon ready to blast a hole into whoever had dared to ding his paint. But his cannon de-energized with a pop as his optics settled on Ellie, having flipped Optimus over until she was straddling him, her hands full of large stones with the next volley ready to make more dents in Sunny's armor. "Get a grip," Ellie's voice was low and dangerous, as it was never advisable to disturb a couple mid-coitus in any circumstance. Often the femme would be the first to visit violence upon the being that had interrupted her. "and go wash off," she mumbled something about Sunny being a 'pussy' and turned her attention back to Optimus. Sunny was frozen on the spot, confused as to what she had meant by that last statement when another purple streak appeared on his armor, and he ran full tilt toward the washing station.

"Where did you learn to 'sing' to make birds defecate?" Optimus was answered by a low chuckle as Jazz stuck his head over the outcropping, giving both his best lop-sided grin. "Ah saw it on an episode of South Park." Ellie shook her head as Jazz explained to Optimus what the mythical 'Brown Note' was. "It ain't actually the note, but it did give those birds a bit of an incentive to 'unload' on Sunshine." All three laughed as Jazz got up from his hiding place. "Ah'm gonna let y'all be. Don't do nothing you can't brag about later." Jazz waved as he made his way back to the main part of the base where he had heard that Master Sergent Epps was planning a spontaneous BBQ for every one on base. Knowing the Sgt., Jazz figured that he would think of something to get from one of the near by towns and would need a ride.

Ellie smiled back down at Optimus, making herself comfortable. "All alone at last," she sighed, leaning forward and resting her arms on his chest. "How long do you think this will last?"

"Ideally, I would hope for more than ten minutes," Optimus said as he placed his hands on Ellie's knees. "I would not want to rush anything as important as completing a spark-bond."

"Ahh, speaking of which," Ellie rested her head on her arms, looking almost directly into Optimus' optics. "How exactly does a spark-bond work? Is it something like soul mates?"

Optimus thought while searching the term 'soul mate'. He was still amazed at how similar the spiritual philosophies of Cybertronians and Humans could be. According to some ideologies, the 'twin-soul' would only be able to join with each other upon perfection of both, before rejoining with the creator. Other legends said that the souls were split because of some insult or slight to the gods. And too, with humans, it was also rare that these two halves ever found one another. "Yes, it is like Soul Mates. So few find each other, especially now that we are scattered across the galaxy. Many times, spark-mates pass within meters of each other, yet are so engrossed in their daily lives, that they never know who it is they just passed by." Optimus smiled, Ellie listening as she tilted her head. "I had wondered, on numerous occasions if I had done the same thing," Optimus trailed off. "I had even wondered if Elita were my spark mate many times," though Optimus cut himself off, hoping he had not over stepped. He had heard how upset some human women could get at the mere mention of past relationships.

"Oh?" Ellie seemed to have become more interested. When Optimus did not offer anymore, she poked him in the chest, causing the Autobot leader to grunt. "Come on! It was just starting to get good!" Optimus had to smile at Ellie's playful poking. Perhaps he should not have worried at all in regards to his own spark-mate's confidence in his discretion.

"She was, is the commander of the femme half of the Autobot army. She is also one of the few femmes that Megatron had openly feared. The second being Chromia, of course." Optimus chuckled. "Her temper was legendary among many Autobot mechs. In fact, Ratchet had many regulars in his Med-Bay because of her temper." Ellie whistled long and low, wondering how Optimus still functioned at all. "But she was, and still is a capable commander on and off the battle field. She always made sure those under her command came back after every mission. Even if she had to carry what was left."

---

Jazz grinned as he watched Iron Hide and Chromia stalk out of the med-bay. It seemed as though Iron Hide had taken Ellie up on her suggestion to them when she had locked them in the cell. Chromia slammed her elbow into his gut as Iron Hide tried to slip his arm, suggestively around her chest. Though knowing these two, that move would be considered more along the lines of foreplay than a rebuke. Though both stopped when they saw Sunstreaker scrubbing himself down to his primer coat trying to get the dried on bird droppings off of his armor. Had he listened to Ratchet when he had explained the acidic nature of 'bird poop', he would have washed immediately instead of threatening to make roasts out of the flock.

Jazz shook his head as he followed the strange smells of burning meat and coal. He still found it odd how humans would char their food, slather it in spices and sauces, drench it in salt and butter and then consume it. Many of the recipes Jazz had seen online had strangely taken perfectly healthy cuts of meat and vegetables and coated them with enough grease to change the oil on a '57 Chevy.

Epps was taking a half full beer can and dousing a rack of ribs with the beverage while laughing at Ron Witwickey as he jumped when the flames flared up. The BBQ was also to celebrate the first batch of energon created on Earth, which Sam sampled with great aplomb. Mikaela seemed enamored with how something so volatile could taste so good. Ratchet had compared her reaction to the energon to humans reaction to the fat molecule in a scoop of whole milk ice cream, or in a bar of dark chocolate. Though he did warn the two that there was such a thing as too much energon, which would produce a state similar to inebriation. The state was called Over-Energizing and would leave the mech in question with reduced inhibitions and a 'hang-over' when the effects had worn off.

"But that's the whole point!" Ratchet frowned as Iron Hide made his habits known to all.

"Not to the point of coming online in the brig three cycles later having been painted an irritating shade of fuchsia by your own spark-mate!" Ratchet shot back. "Nor is it fun enough to find out that said spark-mate had painted nearly the entire mess hall and half the inhabitants of the base the same color after you had taunted her about 'missing a spot' on your armor."

Iron Hide snapped his mouth shut amid the snickers. "That was you," he asked as Chromia slowly grinned, taking an offered barrel of energon from Prowl.

"Yep..." Judy laughed around the hand over her mouth as Iron Hide stared at Chromia. The others were slowly joining in.

"I had to clean the entire mess hall..." Iron Hide slowly recounted. "And scrub every micron of every mech..."

"You should have learned your lesson."

"What lesson?"

"Never insult a femme's choice of color for her sparkling!" Iron Hide looked as though his CPU had frozen.

"Sparkling?"

"Yes, Iron Hide."

"Sparkling?"

"Yes..."

"Our sparkling?"

"Who else's, you half-witted trash compactor!"

"When...how...how long have you known?" Iron Hide seemed unable to determine which question to ask first as his logic center struggled to process what he was hearing at the speed of an ox drawn cart.

"I suspected for a few vorns, though nothing could tell me conclusively. I still suspect, though no test will be able to tell for at least several more orns."

Iron Hide seemed dumb-struck, his mouth hanging open as he stared at Chromia. He moved his jaw several times before any sound issued from his vocalizer. "Three vorns already..." Iron Hide seemed to trail off before his face lit up with an expression that clearly screamed; 'I am the MAN!' Chromia shook her head as Iron Hide scooped her up, holding her smaller body against his in a rarely seen display of anything but vulgar affection.

"My sparkling..."

"Haven't we already established this?" Chromia teased, flicking Iron Hide on the side of his head as those gathered started clapping, Jazz the hardest. This had made everything that had happened more than worth the trouble.