An Even Greater Sin

Chapter 21: In a battle most dread...

Luke Skywalker had never thought that he would appreciate the sight of ships being destroyed, friends losing their lives- but it was the only way to distract himself from the memories of Palpatine's attack.

Trouble was, it was no better. It was just creating a new rage, one which affected Luke even more. He cared far more about those lives lost than his own innocence. He frothed at the mouth to see Palpatine waste lives in such a way.

His father's life, too, had been wasted. Thrown away on a mad quest for power and vengeance, picked up and dusted off by the Sith, who used him as something far worse than garbage. Luke hated to see Vader so subservient, this strong-willed man reduced to an attack dog. And it was all because of Palpatine.

Palpatine had stolen Anakin from him.

As he was stealing friends- comrades in arms, fellow pilots, confidantes and roommates and squadron-mates. He would even take his closest friends- the remainder of his family- from him as well.

Luke didn't want to lose everything. He didn't want to lose anything. So when Palpatine issued the order to fire upon the Rebel fleet, Luke's rage soared. Palpatine had no right to take those lives!

Palpatine sneered, and, in that sinister, rasping voice, hissed, "Good. Your longing is clear. Why not take my life? Strike me down. Do so, and you can become Master of your father."

His father. Luke's face reddened at the idea, but it was from excitement. He wanted his father, wanted to prove his love, wanted to prove his worth. Wanted to take back his father's heart from Palpatine's slimy grasp. He could free Anakin. It didn't matter what he called himself. Anakin or Vader belonged to Luke!

In a split-second, Luke's lightsaber flew from its resting place into Luke's waiting hand. He swung his blade downward, to eradicate this threat to freedom, this threat to his family, this threat to his father.

But there was another blade halting his. And it was red. And it was in the hands of his father.

His father wasn't accepting his gift of freedom.

In rage, Luke savored the idea of dominating his father- of MAKING him accept his love.

Darth Vader blocked the boy's saber easily- he had anticipated the strike long in advance. They pulled back, fighting face to face, and Vader saw the wild fury in his son's face, contorted to the point where he thought the boy's skin would crack.

The boy had gotten stronger since their last encounter- and more skillful as well. He had no clear fighting style, which became evident as he executed a series of standard maneuvers combined with moves that didn't fit anywhere except for in this fight. Luke's lack of training was evident, but his speed and his ability for improvising were great.

But Vader's mind was whirling with unspeakable thoughts. Luke had struck when given the idea of conquering Vader. The Dark Lord hated that idea- the boy would NOT make him his slave- especially with his sexual desires towards the elder.

In indignation, Vader fought back with all of the strength his bionic limbs would give. He would NOT be sexually used. Not again.

He allowed the Darkness to guide his actions.

Luke circled, turning his back to the Emperor. His focus was on Vader. On the way he moved, the way his respirator hissed, the way he sensed-

He sensed rage, now, and felt rage in return. Vader didn't want his love? Vader would receive his hate.

Bringing his blade up to smash against the other, he planted his boot firmly in Vader's chest, sending him flying down the stairs. Luke drank in the startled shock radiating from Vader, relishing the fact that he had given Vader something to fear.

And then, behind him a rasping chuckle. "Good, good! Use your aggressive feelings, boy! Give in to your lust! Take him!"

Lust? Luke felt a repulsed shudder roll through him, and he faltered, his saber lowering. He didn't lust for Vader- did he?

He wanted Vader, wanted the traces of Anakin within Vader. He wanted to prove he loved Vader-

And he couldn't do that if Vader continued to think that it was merely lust. Shutting his blade down, he took a deep breath.

Vader rose to his feet, and stalked up the stairs. "Obi-Wan has taught you well."

"I will not fight you." And he wouldn't. If proving his heart's true intent to his father meant sacrificing himself- then so be it. He WOULD not be misunderstood.

His father approached him, and he backed up warily.

Vader observed the boy, watched his expression shift from one of wrath to one of shame. So Luke did understand the wrongness of his lust. Vader's embarassment at being knocked down was potent, and he fueled his battle-hunger with it. He saw the uncertainty in the boy's face, and took the opportunity to attack.

"You are unwise to lower your defenses!" Luke's blade rose swiftly to block his own, and Vader strained as they warred. The boy was quite strong, and even Vader's mechanical limbs had their limits. They struck at each other for a moment, before Luke leapt, first into the center of a set of control panels, then, backflipping, onto a catwalk quite a bit higher than the boy's head. Vader's pride swelled, for a moment, before he clamped down on his admiration for the boy.

Luke inhaled deeply, watching his father from his high vantage point. He had to admit to himself- the man was still powerful. A powerful enemy-

But an even more powerful lover. He filled his heart, now, with memories of Anakin's embrace, warm and gentle, to keep this light alive. He had to maintain his hope.

And he sensed something, a faint echo of his own memory. It was half-remembered, a fraction of the strength of Luke's fond thoughts- but it was there. He sensed Vader's deeply buried hope.

"Your thoughts betray you, Father. I feel the good in you... the conflict. You could not bring yourself to kill me before- and you won't destroy me now." Indeed, three times before had his father had the opportunity to kill him- on Mustafar, within his mother's womb. On Bespin, as he hung on for dear life, lacking a hand. And even above the first Death Star- had his father's finger
faltered on the trigger, sparing his life? He believed so.

Vader seethed at the notion that Luke was too important to him to kill. He was not. Could not be. The boy's delusions about some fantastic ideal of love maddened Vader, made him want to shake the boy and beat some sense into his head.

Vader would NOT be bested by words. He rumbled threateningly, "You underestimate the power of the Dark side." He did not wish to kill the boy, but if he had to, to silence those voices within himself crying out for Luke's affection, he would. "If you will not silence your desires, then I will do it for you!"

Luke ducked as Vader's blade flew, spinning towards him. It sliced through the support of the gantry instead, and the metal gave way, sending him tumbling to the floor. He ducked underneath the blackened area, hiding from Vader. He had to draw out the other's heart- his true heart. Luke was pained by the fact that Vader continued to reject him, but he would NOT retaliate. He had to make Vader understand that his love was far more than skin deep. And the only way to do that was to show him kindness- whether or not he was shown any in return.

His father stalked him like a wild cat, skirting but never entering the dark recesses that Luke took refuge in. Luke tried to calm his heart, tried to empty his mind. That low voice, like the thunder of a soft rain, came towards him, touching his spirit. "You cannot hide forever, Luke."

He didn't want to hide. He wanted to give his heart to his father- to show his emotions freely. He didn't want to hide anything from his father... but he had to. "I will not fight you," he asserted, trying to place a tone of tenderness within his trembling voice.

But then, he felt a sharp pang, like a burn striking his arm. Leia.

She was in pain, shot in the arm by a blaster.

Luke's empathy screamed out for her, to help her. Save Vader, she was his only family. He couldn't lose her as well.

Vader's mind was racing. He did not understand how the boy could give off such tearful, fearful warmth-

But the boy's attention shifted, placing itself elsewhere. Far away, to... the Endor moon. His friends.

"Your thoughts betray you," Vader murmured, using Luke's own words. "Your friends are in pain- you can't hide this from me, my son. I feel your heart so strongly I hate it."

Luke couldn't shut Leia's pain out of his mind- but he was distracted, and neither could he shut Vader out. He felt that dark presence enter his mind, taking information from it the very same way Palpatine had.

In horror, he realized what Vader now knew.

"Your friends are very important to you- surely you realize that they will betray you in the end. When they learn how you feel about me, how you lust for their archenemy." Vader felt Luke's fear, and Luke felt Vader's sense of triumph. "Imagine how the Princess felt- your sister!"

Luke whispered a desperate, "No," shaking his head in denial.

"So, you have a twin sister! Your thoughts have now betrayed her too." Vader's elation at beating his son at his mind games was consuming him. "Did you hide your biological relationship from her as well?"

Luke didn't! He had told Leia as soon as he could after learning the truth! He wanted to scream these facts, to deny that he had done those selfsame deeds to Anakin, in a time which was now ancient history.

Vader knew he was angering his son- wounding him with his every word. If he had to bring the hatred out of his son to extinguish the desires that Vader damnably echoed, he would. He continued on. "Did you lie to her about me? Did you hide the fact that your father was her most hated enemy? Did you act as though you LOVED her?"

Luke's eyes grew wide at what Vader accused. He struggled to speak, but his voice wouldn't come forth.

"Did you fuck her up the same way you did me?"

"NEVERRRRR!" Luke screamed, lunging out of the shadows like a tempest. He raged at Vader, slicing, slashing, smashing anything in his path. His cries were inarticulate with fury, the howls of a wild animal.

How DARE he accuse Luke of disloyalty to Anakin? He had destroyed Anakin, taken Anakin's heart from Luke and handed it to the Emperor willingly. He had enslaved Anakin, and allowed Anakin's soul to wither in the sunless abyss of his soul. Vader had betrayed his mother, had betrayed Obi-Wan, had betrayed LUKE.

And Luke wanted revenge. He wanted to take this man and show him what TRUE lust was, to show him that his emotions were not mere delusions, to prove to Vader that he knew what the fuck he was doing. He slammed his lightsaber against the bar of blood-energy, to take, to conquer, to destroy the man who had given HIS Anakin to the Emperor.

It was over before Luke had even realized it had begun, and there he was, standing over Vader's weakened, wounded, disarmed body, his chest heaving with exertion and his pulse roaring in his ears. Somewhere, in the back of his mind, he registered a mechanical scream.

Slowly, as though coming out of a nightmarish trance, Luke blinked, his eyes focusing on the vulnerable figure of Vader wheezing below him.

And there was Palpatine, clapping and laughing at the show Luke had just given him. "Good! Your lust has given you hatred! It makes you truly powerful! Now, fulfill your destiny, and take your father's place at MY side!"

Palpatine's side? His... father? He stared down at the beaten form of Vader, and his eyes traveled to the stump of his wrist.

His mechanical hand, which had been the first thing that made him realize that Anakin was his father.

His prosthetic limbs, all but one acquired in that battle on Mustafar.

And Luke saw his lightsaber at Vader's throat, ready to strike. His lightsaber, held by...

Luke's own mechanical hand, replacing the one Vader had amputated in order to make Luke hate him. To stop Luke from loving him.

Luke didn't want to stop loving Anakin. And here, he finally realized, in every way, that Anakin Skywalker, Darth Vader, his father and his lover, were all the same man.

And they all feared that Luke's love was nothing but lust. But it wasn't.

With this revelation, Luke exhaled, shutting off his blade and tossing the deactivated handle aside. Turning to stare into those horrifying eyes, he spoke calmly, even though his throat was raw.

"Never. You've failed, 'Your Highness.' I will never kill the ones I love. I will never turn to the Dark side." Reaching into his heart and into the Force for the strength he needed, he vowed, "I am a Jedi... like my father, before me."

He felt his father's shock, and Palpatine's sulking anger. The despot scowled, and raised his bony arms.

"So be it... Jedi." And the universe became blinding blue pain.