Rum And White
folder
Pirates of the Caribbean (All) › General
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
22
Views:
2,636
Reviews:
4
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Pirates of the Caribbean (All) › General
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
22
Views:
2,636
Reviews:
4
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own the Pirates of the Caribbean movie series, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
The Chair
Title: The Chair
Author: Nita RIddle
Rated: R for languege. This chair has a hell of a filthy mouth.
Explination: Well, I've been busy so I haven't gotten a chanc e to go back and fix up RUm and White. And I felt guilty about that. So I decided to write a quick scene right here and now to appease you. And I did. The chair intriguies me. There is no beta and I might have mispelled syphilis and gonorrhea... someone, anyone, fill me in on the correct spellings. And fecking instead of fucking is not a spelling error. cha chair as well as I enjoy the sound of it. Feck.
~~~~~~
I am the chair.
This is true.
I AM the chair
I am the fucking chair that Jack Sparrow-Turner won't get his arse off of. Get off. I will you to get off. OFF ARSE! Remove yourself from my perfect body.
Oh ew... it's squishy.
See, normally, I don't care who sits on me but who knows where the hell that arse has been in the last 24 hours?
OW!
OmpH!
I am the chair. Still the same chair wilth Jack Sparrow-Turner's arse and now, William Turner's as well. Fecking big arse. Can't tell if it's the first or the second Turner.
Oh no. Oh no ohno oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh on oh no nononononononono.
ACK! MMPHFTMPH!
I am the chair with Jack Sparrow-Turner's fecking arse, one out of two William Turners, a Willow Turner and a Jonathon Turner. And a duck.
What the hell is a duck doing on top of the lap on the lap on the lap on the lap of the infamous Captain James Sparrows whose arse is on me.
Oh god, it's them. The Norrington's. They are here to visit. And they brought.....the birds. Oh god, the birds, the brids, why the bird? Does no one wiszh to take pity on an old chair?
oh.
Well Fuck you, then, fuck you all. May Captain Jack Sparrow-Tuners syphilis arse kiss you on your way out.
The duck is staring at me.
Oh hell, it flew down to me. It's poking me. It's looking at me and poking me with his big long beak and oh my god make it stop, you festering Jack Sparrow, please make it stop!!!!!
God bless you, Commodor Norington for comming in. Bless you! Especially for taking back the duck that worships the ground you walk on.
My only wondering consern is why hasn't the English Navy hanged you for witchcraft yet?
Oh Elizabeth, my darling Elizabeth, say something sweet and witty so these sociopath will get their arses off of me.
Alright, giving thegiftgift of rum is just as good as speaking. Yes! They are getting off.
Down Willow, Down Jonathon, Down William...
Wait. He's not moving
H's not moving!
Why, God of chairs, why isn't Jack getting off me? WHY?
His syphilis infested arse is still touching me! It's touching me.
Yes! He's off! Take that, filthy filthy blobs of arse
"Did that chair just molest me again?"
"I think it doesn't like you Jack."
"What kind of a chair would resist the temptation of Captain Jack Turner?"
This one. This chair can resist your gonorrhea arse.
Because....
I am the chair. My life is fucked up already, no Mother figure, Father figure, or Christ figure, spare me the fecking STD's.
Author: Nita RIddle
Rated: R for languege. This chair has a hell of a filthy mouth.
Explination: Well, I've been busy so I haven't gotten a chanc e to go back and fix up RUm and White. And I felt guilty about that. So I decided to write a quick scene right here and now to appease you. And I did. The chair intriguies me. There is no beta and I might have mispelled syphilis and gonorrhea... someone, anyone, fill me in on the correct spellings. And fecking instead of fucking is not a spelling error. cha chair as well as I enjoy the sound of it. Feck.
~~~~~~
I am the chair.
This is true.
I AM the chair
I am the fucking chair that Jack Sparrow-Turner won't get his arse off of. Get off. I will you to get off. OFF ARSE! Remove yourself from my perfect body.
Oh ew... it's squishy.
See, normally, I don't care who sits on me but who knows where the hell that arse has been in the last 24 hours?
OW!
OmpH!
I am the chair. Still the same chair wilth Jack Sparrow-Turner's arse and now, William Turner's as well. Fecking big arse. Can't tell if it's the first or the second Turner.
Oh no. Oh no ohno oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh on oh no nononononononono.
ACK! MMPHFTMPH!
I am the chair with Jack Sparrow-Turner's fecking arse, one out of two William Turners, a Willow Turner and a Jonathon Turner. And a duck.
What the hell is a duck doing on top of the lap on the lap on the lap on the lap of the infamous Captain James Sparrows whose arse is on me.
Oh god, it's them. The Norrington's. They are here to visit. And they brought.....the birds. Oh god, the birds, the brids, why the bird? Does no one wiszh to take pity on an old chair?
oh.
Well Fuck you, then, fuck you all. May Captain Jack Sparrow-Tuners syphilis arse kiss you on your way out.
The duck is staring at me.
Oh hell, it flew down to me. It's poking me. It's looking at me and poking me with his big long beak and oh my god make it stop, you festering Jack Sparrow, please make it stop!!!!!
God bless you, Commodor Norington for comming in. Bless you! Especially for taking back the duck that worships the ground you walk on.
My only wondering consern is why hasn't the English Navy hanged you for witchcraft yet?
Oh Elizabeth, my darling Elizabeth, say something sweet and witty so these sociopath will get their arses off of me.
Alright, giving thegiftgift of rum is just as good as speaking. Yes! They are getting off.
Down Willow, Down Jonathon, Down William...
Wait. He's not moving
H's not moving!
Why, God of chairs, why isn't Jack getting off me? WHY?
His syphilis infested arse is still touching me! It's touching me.
Yes! He's off! Take that, filthy filthy blobs of arse
"Did that chair just molest me again?"
"I think it doesn't like you Jack."
"What kind of a chair would resist the temptation of Captain Jack Turner?"
This one. This chair can resist your gonorrhea arse.
Because....
I am the chair. My life is fucked up already, no Mother figure, Father figure, or Christ figure, spare me the fecking STD's.