A change in the winds

Chapter twenty-three: Speculations

Malak took Kenna down to his cabin and closed the door. She sat down on the bed and sighed.

''I did as you advised me. I told him the truth.'' She looked up at him and he saw that her eyes were full of tears. He sat down beside her, wrapping an arm around her shoulder.

''And apparently he didn't take it too well,'' he added with a sad frown. ''What did he say when you told him the truth?''

''He didn't believe me at first. I can't blame him. I don't even believe it myself.'' She shook her head in disbelief.

''And then what happened?'' her father asked concerned. He had been through the same ordeal his daughter was now facing and knew how hard it was. His wife, her mother, had also taken the news of his angelic heritance as a joke at first but to his astonishment quickly accepted what he was. She had been the light of his life and he really missed her. He could see a lot of her in Kenna, her stubbornness and determination, and the pure good will of her heart. She was his world now and he would never let anything harm her.

''He said it was too much for him. I understand that, I would be shocked as well if I found out he was a mythical creature.'' She wiped a tear from her cheek and Malak gently rubbed her forearm.

''The only thing you can do now is give him time to process what he's been challenged with. He will realise that he loves you too much to let you go,'' her father assured her, hoping that he was right. If Jack wouldn't take her back, she would be devastated and he didn't want his daughter to be hurt.

''I'm not sure he will. You didn't see the look in his eyes when he saw my wings. I haven't done anything but complicate his life since I joined the ship. He deserves to be with someone he can trust, someone human.'' Fresh tears filled her eyes and some silently fell down her cheeks.

''Kenna, it's not your fault that you're a nephilim, and he will apprehend that once he's calm enough to think things through. You know he's been with many women and none of them suited him. Maybe he doesn't want a simple girl, maybe he wants someone more challenging and that's why he chose you. You'll just have to give him time to realise that.''

''What if he doesn't want to realise it? What if he's had enough? I can understand that he wants a little challenge but I wouldn't say that being an angel would qualify as ‘a little’ challenging. It's a big bite to swallow.''
''Of course it is. For some it would bee too much to handle but I have faith in him. He doesn't seem to be a man who gives up when things get complicated. I think you two will work it out.''

''You're always so optimistic. I wish I had your faith,'' she said with a small smile. ''It kills me to have him hate me. I love him so much.''

''He doesn't hate you, he's just confused. Give him some time to think it over and then you should have a talk with him to sort your things out. Once he fully understands what you are and why he will accept you as you are.''

''What if he doesn't?'' she asked, her voice cracking as the tears fell more freely from her eyes. Her father held her closer, kissing her hair.

''He will. I'm sure of it. But if I'm wrong then he doesn't deserve you.''

''I can't live without him.''

''Let's just stay positive and see how it goes.'' He kissed her forehead and gave her a smile. He started to stand up from the bed but Kenna held him down.

''Do you have to go? Can't you stay with me for a little while?'' she begged.

''I guess Jack can't be angry at me for staying with you at a time like this.''

Kenna smiled grateful. ''Thanks. I don't want to be alone.''

''I told you I would be here for you when you needed me and I'm not going to break my promise,'' he said with a smile as he hugged her closer.

---

Jack stood by the helm, too confused to be able to concentrate on what lay ahead - good thing they were out on the open sea. He couldn't believe what had happened and was starting to think it had all been just a dream. She couldn't be an angel. They must have their wings out at all time, don't they? He had never seen her fly, well that would have been a bit obvious since she was trying to hide her identity for him. She didn't have a halo, but there was that strange golden light emitting from her during their passionate night together. God, this was so confusing. People you thought you knew couldn't just turn into angels! Don't you have to be dead to become one? A shiver ran down his spine, she was alive wasn't she? She was warm and soft and she bleeds. She had to be alive. He rubbed his temples with his fingers. Why did he always have to get himself into these difficult positions?

It wasn't that he didn't love her, he most certainly did. He had never before found anyone he wanted to have by his side forever and now the person he chose was an angel. Maybe he was destined to be with someone who wasn't completely normal. Could a human and a mythical creature have a relationship? This sounded absurd to him so he pushed the thought away. Angels and humans don't mix. If the stories he had heard were true then she would live forever. Would he want her to see him getting old and grey while she still held onto her youth and beauty? Would she want to be with him after he turned old or would she move on? This thought hurt him more than the others. Giving away his heart was a risky business but he had decided to jump into the deep end to see where it led him. That was before she became an angel, at least to him. Maybe it had been a mistake to give his heart to her. Maybe it would only resolve in her leaving him once he had lost his rock hard abs and get wrinkles all over his face. Would he be able to cope with that? Would he be able to continue his life without her?

Gibbs came up to him, interrupting his train of thought. He saw that his Captain was more troubled than he had been earlier that morning and hoped that he and Kenna would work out their differences soon. He missed his old friend.

''I'm not here ta pry Capt'n. I just came ta ask ye if ye wanted a break ta get somethin' ta eat. Ye've got ta keep yer strengths up.''

''Don't worry; I'm not holdin' it against ye. I'm sorry how I acted before…I just have a lot on me mind,'' Jack said with a sigh.

''Well, I'm all ears if ye ever want ta talk.'' Gibbs offered.

''Thanks mate,'' Jack said with a small smile and patted him on the shoulder. ''Take good care of her while I'm gone.''

''Always do,'' Gibbs replied with a smile.

Jack went down to the galley and grabbed himself something to eat. He hadn't noticed how hungry he was until now and quickly swallowed a bowl of porridge and a glass of goat milk. He tore himself a chunk of bread and ate it with some butter. The food felt good, comforting in a strange way. With his stomach full, he could think clearer and he saw that if he was going to get this problem straightened out he had to get some rum. He stood up from the table and went to his cabin. There he saw his bed been made up - he hadn't done it so it had to have been Kenna. He felt a pang of guilt rush through him and he buried his face in his hand. He sat down on her side of the bed and raised the covers to his nose. They smelled faintly of her. Another wave of pain rushed though him and cut off the air to his lungs. Why did he have to love her so much? He wouldn't have hesitated to throw her off the ship if she had just been some girl he took along for pleasurable company. You could always find a new one in the next port. She was something else. He didn't know what it was about her, or even if it was real, but he felt vulnerable without her. The thought of her not being beside him in the mornings, filling him with warm joy whenever she laughed at his silliness or the motherly care she had for him, made it hard for him to breathe. He would miss her too much. He couldn't imagine his life without her. He had been so sure they would spend their lives together that the thought of her leaving never occurred to him. He would never have wished her away but now he wasn't sure he could keep on living with her as if nothing had changed.

He stood up from the bed and found a bottle of rum in the small cabinet by his desk. He drowned half of it in no time and wiped his mouth on his sleeve. The alcohol seeped into his bloodstream, calming him as well as numbing the pain in his chest.

---

After a long conversation with her father, Kenna went up on deck to get some fresh air. Her father had helped her a lot but she didn't have the same faith in Jack taking her back as he did. Of course, she hoped he was right, but being the pessimist of the family her hope seemed rather bleak.

She glanced up at the helm and saw that Jack wasn't there. Gibbs gave her a wave and a smile, which she returned half-heartedly. She shouldn't think about where he was it would only make the separation worse. He had a right to be wherever he wished to be, which would most likely be in his cabin drinking rum. Well if it helped him sort out his thoughts then she was happy. The sooner she got to know his decision the better. The wait was killing her.

The weather was nice, sunny and a gentle warm breeze blew from the south. She closed her eyes and enjoyed the caress of the warm wind on her face. After coming aboard the Pearl, she had finally realised what people found so great about the sea. The feeling of the wind on your face, the salty aroma in the air and the sun high up in the sky, bathing you in its warm rays was the greatest feeling in the world. You felt free. Of course there were days with constant rain and wind whipping the sails back and forth but the good days were worth it all. During those bad days you could just snuggle up to your beloved and enjoy the heat emitting from his body, feeling his gentle fingers trail patterns on your forearm and the soft touch of his lips on yours.

She quickly shook off these thoughts, she couldn't think like that. There might never come a chance for her to experience that again. It was better to keep the fantasies away; it wouldn't hurt as much when he would disown her.

She felt a presence behind her but didn't need to turn around to see who it was. The feeling of his body pressed tightly up against her convinced her that this could be none other than Christian.

''What do you want, Christian? I thought you had learned your lesson,'' she said without taking her eyes of the sea.

''That ye knew it was me gives me great satisfaction because it tells me that ye and the Capt'n aren't on the best terms,'' he purred in her ear and planted a kiss on her neck.

''And what if we aren't? What good does it do you?'' she asked, not bothering to push him off her. He wasn't stepping over any serious boundaries.

''If ye and Jack are through it gives me a chance ta claim ye as mine.'' She could hear the smugness in his voice and cringed.

'' I don't think so. Even though we were through, I would never even consider starting a relationship with you,'' she said, turning around to face him.

''Ye're just sayin' that now because ye think ye and Jack will sort out yer differences. When ye realise it be all over ye'll change yer mind.''

''I can promise you now that I won't ever consider it. You've done me too much damage.''

''Ye haven't been nice ta me either. I have a scar ta prove it.'' He raised his burnt hand to prove his point.

''That was your own fault and you know it.''

''Perhaps, but I'm willin' ta forgive ye. If ye let me have ye I'll promise ta take good care of ye.''

''I don't doubt you will, but I don't want anything to do with you. You're only after me because I'm not like the other girls. I don't fall down at your feet, begging you to love me. I'm independent and it turns you on. You want the excitement of chasing after me but I wonder, will it be worth it once you get me?''

Christian watched her with curiosity, coking his head to the side. Was it that obvious? No man could deny that having to work for the thing you wanted gave you more pleasure once it was yours. Having it too easy killed the excitement. As he took a good look at the woman in front of him, he could imagine that she was a good catch but as she said, would he loose all interest in her after the competition was out?

''Yeah, I believe it's worth it. Ye're not like other girls I've met. I'm sure ye'll keep me interest.'' He reached out to touch her face and she did nothing to stop him. He gently cupped her face with one hand, brushing his thumb over her cheek.

''It doesn't matter anyway. If Jack doesn't want anything to do with me then he will send me off the ship.'' She turned around to face the ocean. Christian moved closer to her, pressing his body against hers on the rail.

''I could come with ye. We could find a new ship or even get our own.''

Kenna laughed. ''You, a captain of a ship? I'd like to see that.''

''Ye don't believe I could?'' he asked, thrilled that she hadn't pushed him off her yet. Maybe she was warming up to him.

She turned her head to meet his. ''No, I can't see it. I think you lack leadership.'' She felt his warm breath on her face and realised that their faces were only inches apart. She quickly moved out of his arms, which surprised him.

''Somethin' wrong?'' he asked puzzled.

''You know what's wrong. You shouldn't be here. Jack might see you. You remember the deal you two made don't you?''

''Why are ye bringin' it up now? It didn't seem ta bother ye before,'' he said confused.

''I was willing to allow you to touch me because I just didn't have it in me to push you away, as long as you wouldn't step over my boundaries. I've been through a lot today and I didn't want your presence here to add more problems to my day. You seemed to be able to behave yourself so I didn't make a fuss.''

Christian's face turned thoughtful and if she wasn't mistaken, a little sad.

''You didn't think I had changed my mind did you?'' she asked, feeling a little sorry for him.

''No, of course not.'' He tried to shrug it off but she could see that her reaction to him had triggered some hope in his chest.

''I'm sorry if my actions mislead you to think that I had warmed up to you. I can't deny that talking to you felt nice but this is as far as our relationship can go.''

He took a deep breath and when he looked at her again the old confident grin was back. ''If ye say so, but don't be expectin' me ta wait for ye forever.''

Seeing his old cocky grin made her cringe but it also made her happy. This man could be so delusional. ''If I so unfortunately realise that I belong with you then I guess it's just my loss.''

Christian grinned at her. ''Ye're so cold blooded, is that an angel thing?''

''No, I've always been like that,'' she replied with a smile.

''Wait a minute, are ye tellin' me that ye haven't always been an angel?'' he asked confused.

''No, I've only been an angel for a short while. I guess I always had it in me but it didn't come out until a few weeks ago.''

''How can that be? Ye don't just turn into an angel all of a sudden.''

''I know, it's genetic. Too complicated for me to understand so I don't try,'' she said with a shrug.

''Ye keep surprisin' me…no girl could ever compare ta the thrill that comes with yer presence,'' he said with an amazed laugh.

''I'm one in a million. I wonder if that's a good or a bad thing…''

''For most men ye would probably be too much ta handle but for an adventurous man like meself ye be perfect. Ye never cease ta amaze me by yer beauty and grace, as well as yer fiery temper and yer need ta be in control.''

''So you're saying that I'm a beautiful control freak?'' she said with a raised brow.

''Somethin' like that,'' he replied with a grin. ''Maybe yer angelic heritance has somethin' ta do with that. I've never met a woman as independent as ye.''

''Then you have been looking in the wrong places. Not that it surprises me; the women you meet are probably all whores. If you would take the time to meet women with another profession than to please men for payment, you would see that not all of us are hopeless. Most of us are strong and determined, looking out for our best interest. Of course there are some who are destined to be treated inadequately but that does also count for men.''

''Ye may be right but why bother findin' a woman like that when ye have one in front of ye?'' he said with a grin.

Kenna sighed and shook her head. ''You are so stubborn.''

''It be a part of me charm,'' he added with a wide grin.

''I'm not sure it's very charming. Being confident is always a good trade in men, but your confidence borders on being pure self-admiration. You honestly believe you are the sexiest man alive don't you?''

''There's no doubt about it,'' he replied with a smirk.

Kenna drew in a long breath and exhaled. ''Well, I hope you'll find a girl one day that will think the same.''

''I don't have ta go very far. Ye have admitted it yerself that ye think I'm attractive.''

''Yes, I can't deny that. But your looks aren't enough for me to overlook your terribly egoistic mind. You're ready to do anything it takes to get me, even though you have to hurt me in the process. I don't want a man who would treat me like that.''

''I was never gonna hurt ye. The only time I did was an accident. I have a terrible temper and I get insanely jealous….''

''This is one more reason for me not to like you.''

''I can work on that. I promise I won't ever hurt ye again.''

''It's not enough. The damage is done. Besides, I'm in love with Jack, even though he may not love me back.'' Her face grew sad and Christian felt a sudden urge to hold her. He reached out and pulled her in his arms, hugging her comfortingly.

''I don't know why this makes me sad but it does.''

''You aren't getting soft on me are you?'' Kenna said with a laugh.

''Who knows, ye've flipped me world around.''

''Yours wouldn't be the first. Jack's world is falling to shreds by now.''

She sighed and Christian rubbed her upper arm.

''What are ye two fighting about? I can't believe ye told him yer secret. Not after all that ye've done ta protect it.''

Kenna pushed herself gently away from his chest. ''I did. He asked about the burn mark on the door and I had to tell him the truth.''

''Ye told him ye're an angel?'' he asked stunned. ''No wonder he be so mad.''

''I know…it's a lot to handle. I just couldn't keep lying to him.''

His face went suddenly pale. ''Did ye tell him about our agreement?''

''No, I couldn't get very far. He pretty much cut me off after he had heard, and seen that I wasn't lying.''

He breathed easier. ''He's never gonna take ye back. Ye betrayed his trust and that's not somethin' he takes lightly.''

''I'll have to find a way to earn back his trust. I can't live without him.''

Christian cringed. ''Don't go all sentimental on me. I hate whiny women.''

''Ye should have told me that before. It would have made things much easier for me.'' She chuckled.

He snorted and shook his head. ''Ye really dislike me. There be nothin' I could do ta change that?''

''Nothing in your power I guess. Your personality would have to go through a major transformation.''

''I will get ye ta like me. Be sure of that. Ye will be mine.''

Kenna laughed. ''Keep dreaming, but please stop harassing me.''

At that moment, Jack walked out of his cabin. Kenna was facing the ship so she noticed him immediately and stiffened up. When Christian saw her reaction, he turned around and saw Jack walking towards the helm. He grimaced and turned back to Kenna. She had a strange mixture of sadness and hope on her face and he sighed. There was no way he was going to keep her attention now.

''Are ye gonna go talk ta him?'' he asked a little bitter.

''I don't know if I should. Maybe he wants to be left alone.'' She was still staring at him by the helm but quickly looked away when he turned her way.

''Oh, crap.''