Crash and Burn

Darkness falling, tremors in the Force. The Force had been nearly silent for several days, and Jacen had to stop trying to figure out what everything meant, because it was starting to drive him crazy. He could only hope that it was something good, and focus on what was here and what was now.

Baby Gray-horn had come back, now missing her horn, and dragged the leg of something bigger for Jacen and Anakin to have for dinner. Anakin roasted a few slices of it while Jacen opened a can of compressed beans. They didn’t say much; they didn’t have to. It was the end of spring, and they had everything they needed - food, shelter, each other.

After their meal, Anakin crawled into his bed, which was little more than a pallet on the floor of the redesigned ship compartment. They didn’t have a strong enough power generator to send out any communications to other systems, and didn’t want to waste the power they had by broadcasting repeatedly to their own system while hoping for random traffic to pick them up.

Anakin held up the blanket to let Jacen in next to him, but Jacen wasn’t tired enough to go to sleep nor, at the moment, horny enough for another romp under the sheets. He kissed Anakin softly and went out to take a short walk alone.

The midnight breeze was cold against his cheeks and hands, but it was a pleasant kind of sting. That thought brought a flush of heat to his face, and he smiled to himself at the recent memories of some of Anakin’s new tricks.

Despite his feelings, though, which continued to grow, he wanted to go home. Hope was farther and farther away, and he didn’t want to live out the rest of his life confined on a single planet with only Anakin as company. He might have been the best company Jacen could ask for, but he missed their other friends and family. He sensed, too, that there was still a war raging out there, and he could do nothing for it from where he was sitting.

He loved Anakin, but Anakin wasn’t the entire galaxy, and couldn’t replace it. He wasn’t Jacen’s twin sister, his mother or father, or his mentor; he wasn’t a helpless innocent to protect nor an enemy to battle and grow from. He filled many roles, but even those were limited.

Jacen hugged himself and wished he’d thought to bring an extra blanket with him. The wind stirred up more and more, and belatedly, he noticed a pair of lights flashing through the sky overhead. They grew in size and intensity. His heart leapt into his throat, but when he reached out to the ship, he felt nothing malicious nor dangerous in it. Only someone familiar, someone he couldn’t quite place at first, but after a few moments the answer was clear.

Jaina. This time, it really was her.

He ran towards the incoming ship and reached it just as it touched down and powered off. It was a ship that looked similar to the Millennium Falcon, but half the size, and its boarding ramp was narrower. Jacen watched it extend toward the ground, and a tiny, hesitant figure clad in a dark flight suit appeared in the shadows near the top.

It took two steps down, then paused before running the rest of the way. “Jacen?” Jaina cried, and then she rushed over to him and threw her arms around him with a hold so tight that he couldn’t breathe. “Jacen.”

A thousand thoughts crashed into him at once, and the only one that he could pick out of the noise was that his twin sister was alive and safe, and had somehow found him. Maybe she had heard him from far away when he was in the clutches of the Sith… but it didn’t really matter. She was here, and she had a way off the planet.

“We all thought you were dead,” Jaina sobbed, and Jacen then noticed that the front of his jacket was wet with her tears. “Welk and Senator Quoll said you were, and I believed it, and everybody else believed it, but then I felt you in the Force again.”

“The Senator is the one that’s dead, and Welk disappeared,” Jacen said. He looked past the top of Jaina’s head to the ship – his salvation, but at the same time, he knew that his rescue would come at a price. A price he didn’t want to think about just yet.

Jaina stepped away and dried her eyes. “The Stellar Imperium is gone,” she said. “Unless Welk is enough trouble on his own, there’s not much he can do. The Empress was killed a week ago and her Grand Admiral signed a treaty that puts their worlds back into New Republic control, and the military has been split between the New Republic and the Imperial Remnant.” She took a better look at him. “You’ve lost weight.”

“Actually, I’ve gained some in the past few months. I’m all right.”

She paused, as though detecting some kind of change but being unable to wrap her mind around what it was. “I wish I’d come out here earlier,” she said softly. “I’ve had Welk’s destination data for a few months, but I couldn’t find this system on any map and thought it was a trap they were setting up for me. I had no idea you were here and they weren’t.”

“It was a trap, for awhile. I’ll explain it to you later.” There was a lot to talk about, a lot to catch up on. “How are Mom and Dad?”

“They’re still on Coruscant, alive. The quarantine hasn’t been lifted yet… there was a plague. That was what brought Dantooine down; everyone was killed. The second plague only stripped the Force from people who caught it, but that means almost everyone. Mom fell ill, and so did Luke, and…” her voice trailed off.

“You escaped it.”

“I was on Yavin 8 and that’s where Welk found us. I managed to get a few doses of the vaccine later when I knew where he’d flown from.” She sighed, and her shoulders sagged. “We can talk later, when we’ve gotten some rest. The past two weeks have been rough, and I had to steal this ship to get away from Bastion. Nobody else believed that you were alive, except a few that I talked to. Zekk, Valin, Tenel Ka-”

The mention of her name jarred Jacen into the present. “We’ll be on our way soon,” he said. “The Sith left part of their ship here, and there are some things they left behind that we’ll want to take with us. Rations, bandages, you know.”

Jaina nodded, and Jacen led her back to the dark metal blight on the landscape that had been his home for several weeks. He climbed into the main room and helped her up. “Don’t step on Anakin,” he whispered.

Jaina froze. “Anakin is here?”

“Where did you think he would be?”

Jaina’s face crumpled and she knelt down next to Anakin, who was sound asleep and wrapped in a red blanket. She gingerly put the back of her hand against his cheek, and then drew it back as though it burned her. “He’s alive… but… but Mom felt him die hardly a month after you left Yavin 4…”

“Bad injury and a harder recovery,” Jacen explained.

Anakin stirred, and Jaina looked to him as if he was something amazing that she had never seen before. Jacen left them to make their reunion, and silently started packing what little they had to take with them. He was still trying hard not to think.

Later, the task proved impossible. He was stuffed full of gelmeat and vacuum-sealed bread, lying on the top bunk in the ship’s small cabin. There was nothing else to listen to except the steady hum of the engines and the faint breaths from the bunk below him; Jaina was in the cockpit, a few doors away.

Jacen sighed and climbed down. He looked out the small viewport at the shrinking planet behind them, until it was only a speck among more distant stars, and everything dissolved and swirled into starlines. “It’s over,” he sad dully.

“What is?” The answer came from a sleepy voice to his left. “Being stuck?”

“I think so.” Jacen eased himself over to the edge of Anakin’s bed and sat down. “We’re going home now. I can’t wait to see everyone again, but… but it’s like we have two homes and we’re not just going to one, we’re leaving one.”

Anakin sat up and leaned against Jacen. There was a momentary struggle in his mind, and then Jacen put his arm around the other man.

“We’re over,” Anakin said. “That’s what you’re really saying.”

“I’m not breaking up with you, no.” Jacen wasn’t as sure as his words and tone were. What would their parents say? How would it affect their mother if a verified rumor was leaked about her sons being a couple?

“But we’re going to have to sneak around now, and hide what we’re doing. Maybe Mom won’t know, especially with the Force gone, and she might believe a lie anyway, but we won’t be able to be honest.”

“It’s a choice to make.” Jacen softly kissed Anakin, and instantly knew the choice he wanted: if he had to put on a mask to keep the one that he loved most, then he would do that. It was a sacrifice, but the other one was less tolerable.

Anakin fell back against the narrow bed and pulled Jacen with him. He wriggled free just long enough to strip off his pants. “You get on top this time,” he said, insistently, urgingly.

“You don’t have to do things you don’t want to do just to keep me around,” Jacen said. He put his hand on Anakin’s trembling thigh and kissed him again. “I made my choice, and that’s that if I have to lie to stay with you, then I’m going to do that.”

“Take me, Jacen. Please.”

Jacen sensed that Anakin needed this, for reasons he could only guess, and quietly excused himself to sort through the medicine cabinet in the hallway. It was a real cabinet, floor to ceiling, full of bottles and tubes with long names. Jaina didn’t shout out to him, and he thought – hoped – that she had fallen asleep in her seat.

He found a tube of medical-grade skin lubricant and took it back with him. He didn’t want Anakin to feel any pain, not now when he was opening up to Jacen in both figurative and literal senses.

He felt confined, somehow, with the top bunk only a few centimeters above his head (when he was kneeling upright) and the bare wall of the cabin to his left. Months in the open air had left him uncomfortable with small spaces, except when there was a large port to the outside, and now he was in a ship in hyperspace, with no way out until they got to their destination. The only thing that made it remotely pleasant inside the walled-in and locked room was that he was near Anakin.

Time was of the essence, and thankfully it didn’t take him long to feel a familiar swelling in his groin. He lay himself down on top of Anakin and kissed his mouth, his neck, his chest, working slowly down towards the belly button that he swirled his tongue around and into. Anakin raised and folded his legs, and spread them as wide as he could.

“Jaina’s going to wake up soon,” Anakin said.

“I don’t care,” grunted Jacen. He didn’t want to think about anybody other than the man who lay in front of him. He tested a small drop of lube on his own arm; it had a slight cooling effect, and made a shiny trail on his skin, but otherwise felt fine. He let it run into a thin cut on his forearm that had just begun to heal.

Satisfied that it was safe to apply to more sensitive parts, he squeezed some out onto his hand and smeared it over his thick manhood. The motion of his hand felt good, but there was a better sensation waiting for him very close by. He rubbed the now slick tip against the skin between Anakin’s scrotum and anus. Warmth, body contact. Jacen resisted the urge to start fucking him right away, and instead used his fingers for the first minute, as Anakin sighed and twitched before him.

This time, he didn’t use words to find out what Anakin wanted; he let the outward signs of his brother’s desire and impatience guide him. He pressed into the now loosened hole, and met some resistance, but natural pressure slowly reduced it, and when he reached over to squeeze Anakin’s hand, he felt an immediate release. He tried to go slowly, but found himself completely inside Anakin, who rolled his head back into his pillow and moaned quietly.

Anakin squirmed a little and then raised his head and whispered into Jacen’s ear: “Don’t hold back.”

Jacen did hold back, at first. He had to get a feel for Anakin’s body, the unexplored inner reaches that were almost, but not quite, the same as his own. He quickly figured out the angle of entry that made Anakin grasp the sheets and quiver with pleasure, and it made him hot all over and wanting to extend the feelings for both of them forever.

But he couldn’t. He was already gasping for breath, and sweat formed little beads of moisture on his neck and chest before running down in little streams that dripped onto Anakin and onto the bed. Jacen found himself near climax, too quickly, and he held onto Anakin’s knees to try to ground himself.

It was no use. Jacen felt the surge before he could stop it, and the rippling spasms squeezing around his cock drew out the last few drops of fluid. Something warm sprayed across his stomach; he’d held out just long enough, and once more he and Anakin tumbled into each other’s arms with the afterglow washing over them both.

Ten minutes later he untangled himself and stripped the sheets, and Anakin went to go wash up in the ‘fresher. They’d just say that Anakin couldn’t help himself and spent a little bit of time with his hands while Jacen slept in the other bunk. Jaina would believe it and probably not be inclined to ask any more questions.

He used the ‘fresher next and cleaned himself up quickly, then got dressed and casually went into the kitchenette for a glass of water. Jacen found Jaina there, fixing up a snack of crackers and cheese. She raised her eyebrows at him, but didn’t say anything.

“Thirsty,” Jacen said.

Jaina nodded and stepped away from the sink. “You didn’t sleep for very long,” she finally commented.

“Too keyed up, now that we’re going home. It’s been almost a year.”

Jaina hugged him briefly, then stepped back as soon as she inhaled, as though startled. “You’ve changed,” she said.

“What? Yeah, I didn’t like the way the flight suit fit.” Then he realized that she wasn’t talking about clothes. “Like I said, it’s been a year. I’m twenty now.”

“Already? I wouldn’t have guessed.” Jaina’s sarcastic tone, though, had a sad undertone to it; she wasn’t trying to be hurtful, but to cover up something else. “Time and wars change people. I wasn’t the model Jedi in these past months, to tell the truth. I had to kill Lumiya – she wouldn’t surrender and she would have gotten away if Zekk and I didn’t take her down. That might be excusable because it was necessary. But there’s a long list of people that didn’t have to die, and they did anyway, because my heart wasn’t in the right place.” Jacen nodded sympathetically, and Jaina continued. “If I tried to condemn somebody else for their actions in desperate times, I wouldn’t have any right to do it. I disappointed everyone and drove Lumiya to a new hiding place, and the war stretched on longer than it should have.” She drew herself up and looked Jacen right in the eye. “Staying on the path of the light is a lot more important than who you choose to love and how.”

Jacen froze. “So, um, you’re not with Zekk anymore?” he asked.

“We aren’t sure,” she admitted. “We’re not children and I don’t know whether I want a real commitment. But… this isn’t about me and Zekk. I... I had to use the ‘fresher and passed the cabin about a half-hour ago and I heard Anakin. No, no, don’t explain.” She put up her hand to stop Jacen’s stammering. “You and Anakin are young, and you were by yourself for, like you said, almost a year. Things happen. I’m in no position to judge. I’m just thankful that I found you, and that you’re both alive and coming home.”

“It’s not like that, Jaina. I love him.”

“Well, so do I. That’s not the point. I don’t want to see you leading him on, though, and breaking his heart when reality sets in. I don’t know how Tahiri is going to react to Anakin being alive; she misses Anakin but she’s seeing Valin now, and they’re getting serious. As serious as they can be with Valin coming up on sixteen, anyway.” She paused. “You’re not going to ask about Tenel Ka?”

“I’ll always be there for her as a friend, and I really hope she finds someone to share her life and have a family with.”

“No. It doesn’t work that way. She’s waiting for you.”

“I’m sorry about that, but I can’t change it.”

“Damn it, Jacen!” Jaina grabbed her own glass and a bottle of Corellian whiskey. “Why do you have to ruin your own homecoming?”

“I’m not ruining anything! Nobody has the right to map out my life but me. I make my own choices. And as long as he still wants me, I’m choosing to be with Anakin. If someone is really my friend, they’ll accept it and stop trying to change my mind. Two minutes ago you were telling me that it doesn’t matter, and now you’re singing a different tune.”

“There’s a difference between doing what you need to do at the time and giving into unhealthy feelings all the time.”

“Who are you to tell me what’s unhealthy if nobody’s getting hurt?”

Jaina looked like she’d been slapped, and she poured a more than healthy amount of whiskey over a few cubes of ice. “Maybe you’re right. I don’t know. Just… just don’t sit him on the couch and make out in front of me, all right? Not yet. This is too much for me to think about right now. If anything happens with the ship, handle it. I’m going to take a nap.”

She started to walk past him, but Jacen caught her arm. “Jaina, please don’t be mad.”

“I’m not mad. I’m just not ready to think about you and Anakin being lovers in the future instead of a couple of isolated days in the past. Give me time.”

Jacen let her leave, and returned to the cabin. Anakin was waiting for him, dressed in a pair of undershorts and a simple sleeved shirt. “What happened with Jaina?” he asked. “Something did.”

“She knows.” Jacen waited for Anakin’s outburst, but it never came; he only received a wary and uncertain look. “And she’s trying to accept it, but can’t right now.” He sat next to Anakin and held him in a chaste embrace.

“This isn’t going to be easy, then,” Anakin said.

“No. No, it won’t be easy at all. There are going to be times we can’t say what’s in our thoughts, and times when we have to play mind games to keep people happy.”

“How is that any different than before?”

It wasn’t. Not much.

“We’ll just have to see what happens,” said Jacen. “Choices have consequences. It’s a matter of deciding which consequences are worth it.”

“Am I worth the consequences, Jacen?”

Every part of Jacen’s answer, from the pause before it to the words themselves, was pure truth. “You are. Whether or not this new facet of our relationship is or not – we’ll just have to find out, because there’s no way to know until we try.”

Anakin nodded. “I love you, Jace. Don’t leave me, all right?”

“I’d never leave you.” They kissed each other and Jacen stood up. “I have to check the computer because Jaina had something else to take care of. You get some rest, too. We’ll be on Bastion in a few days and I don’t know what’s going to happen from there. The whole galaxy has changed.”

“So have we. We’re stronger now.”

“I think you’re right.” Jacen smiled and turned off the lights. “Good night, Anakin.”