More Than Darkness
26
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This is a crossover smutty story featuring the character of
Tess/Salida ie Tess' Voice in Neon Dasies' OUATIM fics on ff.net, More Than
Eyes Alone Can See, and More Than Life,
and Sands/Jeffrey from Merrie's OUATIM fic on ff.net, Darkness Rising. This story
will make some sense, probably, if you read it without having read either of
our stories, but it'll make a hell of a lot more if you just read them. They're
all worth reading, we promise. Anyway, on with the show.
Rated for what has happened, and what might happen.
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Sands smiled to see
her wearing nothing more than the slip he had bought her and the diamond ring
on her right hand. “Mmm.
said, taking her in his arms and running his fingertips down her silk covered
back slowly. He held her like that for
awhile before leading her scantily clad and beautiful form back into her bedroom,
whilst he remained fully dressed. “Sit
down on the bed,” he instructed, smiling when she did so.
shoes and socks off but no more. He left the rest – his shirt, pants, belt and
knife – up to her. “You’re going to have
to take off my shirt, spitfire. It’d
take too long otherwise,” he held up his hands.
time on.”
Aida looked at him
askance, but got to work. She first
removed his knife and belt. Setting them
off to the side, she then worked on pulling his shirt out of his pants.
worked agonizingly slow, letting her fingers dart inside his waistband now and
again.
Sands felt himself
respond to her teasing, but didn’t make a sound.
like to play, my naughty spitfire.”
“You never said I
couldn’t,” she pointed out. Then, she
jerked Sands towards her as she threw herself backwards on the mattress.
immediately locked lips with him.
Sands grunted at
the impact, but didn’t break the kiss. After
a few moments though, he pulled away and looked at her, his breathing slightly
quickened. “Are you trying to test my
patience, spitfire?” he asked with a smirk.
“Perhaps,” she
teased back. “You’ve been gone for so
long . . . why do I think I won’t have to test long before you give in?”
“I don’t know,
spitfire. Because if you’re thinking
that, you’d be mistaken,” Sands said, a both completely serious and slightly
playful look on his face. He was
determined. He prided himself on his
control of the world around him; it was about time he started employing that
upon himself.
Aida pouted, but
didn’t say anything. Instead she moved
her gaze to the buttons of his shirt.
She unbuttoned them quickly enough, making a sound of disappointment
when he moved away before she could explore the plane of skin available to her.
Sands kissed the
tip of her nose after seeing her pout, but it didn’t let it sway him.
his pants – thankful that she had unbuttoned them for him – before reclaiming
his place on top of her and moving his hands to the right side of the slip and
the lacing that held it all together.
It took a little
time, but he was able to loosen the ties enough on either side to lift the slip
up enough to expose her naked waist and chest.
one of her nipples, determined to get her aroused enough to get her as
impatient as he usually felt. He didn’t
really believe it would work, but it’d be nice to turn the tables on her for
once.
Seeing that he was
determined, Aida let go of her attempts to manipulate him, and let herself melt
into the mattress as her husband kissed andked ked his way across her
chest. Closing her eyes, she let the
fingers of one hand play with the ends of his hair while her other hand rested
limply on the sheets. There was a faint
smile on her face as she let him build her need and as she simply enjoyed his
company.
Sands glanced up
and saw the faint smilpearpear on Aida’s face and answered with one of his own.
There
are some advantages to going slow, he thought.
like that. While he continued
kissing her chest and stomach, he marveled at her pale skin.
tone, he absently thought that maybe he should go outside more.
when she let out a soft gasp, he knew she was ready.
to position himself before her.
She thought about
it, and ended up shaking her head. “No,
let’s play more first. What else did you
buy?”
He sighed, but
moved away from her, trying to repeat to himself to be patient.
and grabbed the bottle of scented massage oil he had bought and held it out to
her. “Would you like a massage,
spitfire?” he asked with a smile.
Aida nodded.
“That all depends,
spitfire,” he said, sitting back on his heels, the bottle in hand.
“Well, part of the
secret to going slow is to build a person’s arousal, and then let it die, over
and over and over again. So I suppose
you should start on my front. And then
my back. And after that I suppose I
should leave things to you.”
“Sounds like a
plan,” he said with a smirk before looking at the at the bottle and then his
hands. “Fuck it,” he said, setting down
the bottle at her side and unwinding the gauze around his right hand using his
few unbroken fingers awkwardly and even his teeth if need be.
to be able to feel her underneath him with at least one hand if not both.
he wasn’t stupid enough to believe the fingers were healed yet, and sunrise
would probably take it out of his hide if he damaged Jeffrey’s hand further.
“Sorry if it’s
cold,” he said, squirting a small amount onto her stomach.
ignoring the pain in his hand as he did so.
scabbed over, so there was nothing much more he could do to it.
his own blood as massage oil instead.
Aida breathed
deeply, surprised at the way the oil smelled.
It was fresh and clean . . . something she would have picked out for
herself. Something she
similar in her purse. “How’d you know?”
she asked, trying to keep still under his roaming hands.
“I rifled your
purse,” he said evenly, a hint of mischievousness reflected in his dark eyes.
She laughed, and
struggled to sit up. He fought her to
make her stay lying down, but she didn’t give up.
lightly over and over. “You went through
a woman’s purse? Without
permission? You’re lucky I don’t put a
hex on you or somethingwomawoman’s purse is sacred.”
“A hex?
snickered but didn’t move to stop her from smacking him.
new batch of whatever the hell women carry in those things, I’ll do it again.
placing his now scented hand on her chest.
She rolled her eyes
and flopped back down on the bed. “You’re
hopeless. I hope you realize that, even
if you don’t regret it.”
“Why should I
regret it? It was fun,” he said with a
wicked smirk, moving his hand to her chest, and rubbing his thumb over her
nipple over and over again quickly. “And
I’m not completely hopeless,
spitfire.”
“Yes you are,” she
contradicted, trying to speak through a soft moan.
his constant touches were getting to her.
“Oh really?
but moving his hand to her shoulders, not wanting her to become too aroused
yet.
“I’ll ‘enlighten’
muttered. “You enjoy being
difficult. With everyone.
with me. You’re a different type of
difficult with me. Others you just like
to piss off. Me you like to tease.
together when she was focused on where his hand was going to appear next.
“Hmm, you might be
right,” Sands said with a smirk before moving his hand down to finger her
clitoris. “I do enjoy teasing you.
with a wide grin. “And no, I don’t care.
Not in the least.”
delighting in hearing her moan again before pulling his hand away.
A sigh escaped her
as he pulled his hand away, but she did as she was told.
her arms and tried to relax. But despite
her efforts, a small gasp escaped her as Sands poured oil on her back; it was
chilly, and she hadn’t quite been expecting it.
Sands smiled at her
gasp, but didn’t comment as he began working the oil into her skin. He was
beginning to get a slight headache from the smell, but he figured this will
have been worth it. “I love you, Aida,”
he whispered, moving her hair to the side with his left hand.
While on her front
he worked to arouse, now he worked to relax, and wouldn’t stop until his wife
felt like melting into the bed. He
started at her neck and shoulders and worked his way down, careful to attend to
evinchinch of her bare skin. It had been
a bit of a shame to see the new slip he got for her thrown over onto the floor
next to the bed, but she would always been more beautiful to him without a stitch
on than with the most alluring scrap of lingerie.
“That’s nice,” she
murmured, shifting a bit to lie in a more comfortable position.
fall asleep. Of course, I’d probably
have wet dreams or something . . .” she let her words trail off as she arched
into the hand caressing her spine.
“We can’t have
that,” he said wryly, kneading his hand into her ass and thighs.
he knew it was time to change things around again.
let his still hardened arousal rest upon her butt before moving it in-between
her legs. He didn’t do anything further
than that. He just kept himself propped
up above her on his elbows, leaning down to kiss her neck.
he breathed softly into her ear, nipping lightly at it as he did so.
“Like what?” she
asked breathlessly, resisting the urge to move back into him.
“Fuck you six ways
from Sunday so hard that you won’t be able to sit up straight for a week,” he
drawled, his voice thick as he caressed her wet opening with the tip of his
arousal.
the bed no more than an inch or so, but enough for the tip of his arousal to
slide into her. Which in turn produced
another moan.
This is was it.
whether or not he had the patience and determination to keep things slow or
fuck her hard and fast like he wanted. Deciding
to go for broke, determined to outlast himself, he thrust all the way into her,
but ever so slowly, and just waited for a minute to allow the both of them to
take pleasure in the sensation before pulling back out of her and doing it all
over again, keeping with that same slow rhythm with the pause in-between.
he paid them no mind. Things were just
getting started.
Aida groaned, and
tried to push back, but he kept her hips pinned to the bed with his hand.
her feel, she let herself sink back into the mattress and enjoy the moment.
After completing
the slow rhythm an innumerable amount of times in this position, he decided he
wanted to be able to look at her. Pulling
out of her completely was a bit akin to torture, but he did so, and sat back
awkwardly. “Turn over, spitfire,” he whispered.
A deep sigh escaped
her, but Aida did as she was told.
Settled on her back, her eyes slowly fluttered open and she smiled at
him, a slow, lazy, sexually charged smile.
Sands responded
with a smile of his own to match before thrusting himself deep inside of her
again, his eyes upon her face the entire time. <
st
style='mso-spacerun:yes'> The look upon her face was worth the slow pace
he was setting. There were no words to
describe it; her features were both tightened in frustration, and relaxed in
utter contentment and bliss. He imagined
his own face must have reflected at least some of that.
as he continued the pace he had set, but he could also feel his body begin to
both buzz and ache with arousal. It was
a curious sensation, and not an entirely unenjoyable one.
“Sheldon,” she
whispered, trying to get closer to him. “Please
kiss me?”
He sighed a bit at
the use of his name, but he couldn’t bring himself to be upset about it.
currently focused on bringing them both pleasure without breaking the pace he
had set, but for now, he did what she asked without complaint.
ordered himself not to move as he kissed her.
clearly not lacking in passion.
When they broke
apart, Aida smiled up at him, softly caressing his face.
promised. “You’ll want to hear me use it.”
“If you say so,
spitfire,” he said softly, not believing it.
“I
training methods. You’ll see.”
Sheldon,” she whispered, then drew him down for a long, deep kiss.
whispered his name again, repeating the kiss as well.
“Don’t,” he
whispered. “Just don’t.
someday – with as persistent as you seem to be, that’s a likely possibility – but
don’t. Not now.”
She sighed in
disappointment, but really wasn’t surprised.
Letting her head fall back against the pillow, she looked at him for a
long moment, then whispered, “I love you though.
was teasing him.
He frowned slightly
in spite of her smile, but forced himself to not to.
“
still teasing even though there was a note of frustrated arousal in her voice.
Hearing that
frustration brought a hint of a wicked grin to his face.
but curious as to what her answer would be.
She had to stop and
think about that. “Umm . . . tomorrow I
make you cook dinner?”
“Maybe if you want
food poisoning,” he said with a smirk.
“I’ll tie tin cans
to the bumper of you car?” she tried again.
“They wouldn’t
last,” he said evenly.
“I’ll take a dose
of Tylenol PM tomorrow and sleep through the night?”
“You wouldn’t,”
Sands said with a slight glare.
She looked at him
and shrugged. “You’re probably
right. How about I would insist that we
make love in total darkness? You strike
me as the type of guy who likes to see what he’s doing to his lover.”
“Fine,” he said
with a slight glower. She knew him far
too well for the short amount of time they had known each other, let alone been
married. He started moving inside of her
again, gasping as the movement reminded his body what it had adapted to.
wringing the pleasure out of every minute of it.
Aida’s head flew back,
the tendons of her neck standing out as the pleasure of feeling Sands move
inside her became nearly unbearable. “Th-that’s
nice,” she breathed, instinctively moving with him.
Sands forced
himself to slow down even further, not wanting her to come and end things quite
yet. He didn’t know how long it had been
– he’d stop thinking about the passing of time awhile ago – but he knew he wasn’t
ready to end it yet. “I’m glad,” he
drawled in response.
Without thinking
about it, her hands started to roam.
Starting at his arms, they moved to his back and down to his hips.
his face. Gently she pulled him down
until she could start planting kisses on his neck.
covering a cut she was sure she didn’t want to see – but persistent.
him, so she would.
Her touches – both
gentle and firm – were driving him insane.
moaned, but he wouldn’t give in. He
might spontaneously combust in a few minutes, but he wouldn’t give in.
A few more minutes
passed, Aida’s need growing exponentially with every passing second until she
was writhing and whimpering under her husband’s body.
her. There was nothing besides their two
bodies engaged and brimming with pleasure.
Nothing holding her down but his hand on her hip.
that made her gasp. It was so intense,
so primal, so overwhelming . . . she needed to come.
She needed to release the boiling sea of energy that had replaced her
veins before she died of pleasure.
Sands saw that his
wife had about reached her limit, that she needed release, but he wasn’t ready
to give it to her yet. “Who are you?” he
asked seriously.
“Aida Grant,” she
gasped. “Your wife.”
Sands stopped all
movement and pulled out of her. “Wrong
answer,” he said slowly, not moving to thrust into her again as much he might
have wanted to. “Who
She cried out as he
pulled away from her. She’d told
him. She’d told him she was his
wife. She’d told him her name . . . her
name. Her old name. “I’m Aida
to make him come back to her. “The woman
who loves you.”
“And who do you
belong to?” he asked, positioning himself in front of her again, but not moving
further.
“You,” she gasped,
her hips instinctively arching towards him.
“I belong to you.”
“Not good enough,”
he said, moving away again. “I’m not so
sure you believe it.”
That was going too
far. If he wanted to act out the Spanish
Inquisition, he could do it later.
Before Sands could
react, Aida tensed, then threw herself off the bed, knocking Sands onto his
back. Her lips tore viciously at his
before she pulled away. Hovering over
him, close enough to feel his arousal but not taking him inside her, she turned
his game on him. “I’m Aida Sands, the
woman who loves you. And you belong to
me,” she breathed. Her desire had dimmed
a hair as he’d teased her, but she knew it wouldn’t take much to build it up
again. “Now claim what’s yours already,
or I will,” she demanded.
“Now who’s the
impatient one?” he asked wryly, a bit surprised at her forcefulness, but
enjoying every minute of it. She
narrowed her eyes at him. “You didn’t
answer my question, spitfire,” he reminded her.
“Yes I did,” she
panted. “But you’re welcome to lay there
until you remember what I said.” And
with that, she moved to get off the bed.
“Don’t you dare,”
he hissed, grabbing her hips as best he could.
“Then stop teasing,”
she shot back. “I’m yours, I love you, I’ve
got your ring on my finger, and I’m dying to have you inside me.
The only response
he gave was to pull her down to meet his lips.
fire. He was done teasing.
Aida whimpered as
he took her mouth. She was more than
willing to let him be in control as long as he didn’t needlessly tease.
pounded into her. She wanted, period.
Sands didn’t have
the capacity to make her wait any longer.
over on the bed so that he was in the dominant position again before thrusting
deep inside of her. Not slowly as he had
been before – but fast and hard. He was
going to make good on his earlier promise to fuck her so hard she couldn’t sit
up straight. He didn’t really want to
hurt her, but he was beyond restraint now.
looked down at her. If he concentrated
he could hear the racing of her heart and his own beneath their chorused
groans, grunts and gasps. It was an
intriguing sound, but not one he could keep his widely shifting focus on.
the next he was feeling the way their bare skin moved together, and the next he
was watching her eyes flutter with passion and desire before smelling the
combination of the oil he had covered her in and a scent that was purely her, doiits its best to tease him into madness and raging lust.
After having spent
so long in foreplay, it was difficult for Aida to reach her release.
inches beyond the grasping of her fingers in the sheets and the gasping of her
lungs. All she could do was wait for
Sands to eventually push her there, to give her the final nudge she needed to
fall over the edge.
Sands seemed to
sense her problem for it was the same with him.
in a good way – if something didn’t happen soon.
both pushed him inside her even deeper, and rubbed her clit with every thrust.
“Oh god,” she
gasped, suddenly moving frantically under him as the added stimulation against
her clit sent a jolt of sensation along her spine like a lightning bolt.
teetering, so close to falling over it. “Oh
please.”
Sands was dimly
aware of her pleas as he thrust into her sharply, but he couldn’t seem to grasp
what she was asking for. The only thing
he was currently aware of was the sanctuary of her body, the warmth of her
touch. He leaned over and began kissing
her neck hard enough to leave a path of bruised flesh in his wake.
grabbing her hip hard enough to hurt, but he couldn’t bring himself to let go.
move down his fingers.
His lips were all
it took to finally push Aida into release.
With a loud cry, she felt every single muscle in her body convulse,
making her body go rigid with completed des
Tears leaked from her eyes as she struggled to breathe through the
intense pleasure, and her nails dug into the mattress hard enough to make her
fingers hurt, but she paid all of it no mind.
Finding her way though release and back to Sands was all that really
mattered at the moment.
Sands wasn’t too
far behind her. His grunts and moans
grew louder and louder as his thrusts grew in both intensity and cadence, but
still he couldn’t find release. He could
feel it building deep inside of him ready to spring, but he was denied that
final pleasure. “Aida,” he moaned,
needed her to do something. He couldn’t
think clearly enough what that something was exactly, but he needed her to
bring him to release as he had for her.
“Love you,” she
gasped, still feeling aftershocks run through her body in time to his
thrusts. Gently, she pulled his face to
hers and placed a soft, tender kiss on his lips, letting every emotion in her
heart spill into him through it. Her
love, her joy in being with him, her pleasure, her relief that he'd come back
to her; she let it all go. “Come for me,
Sheldon, my love. My heart.”
Sands came with a
yell, his thrown back as every tendon in his neck stood out in tension and the
gauze slipped a little under the strain.
spent, an almost pained look upon his face.
on top of her, breathing heavily.
Aida didn’t bother
to do anything more than wrap her arms around her husband and press a kiss
against his ear.
Sands wanted to do
nothing more than to fall asleep in his wife’s arms, but the wetness of blood
on his right hand demanded his attention.
catch a glimpse at it out of the corner of his eye.
kissing her neck softly.
She made a sound of
protest, but loosened her arms. “What’s
wrong?”
He pulled away from
her and leaned back on his heels, holding up his hand to show her.
with a slight wince and a sigh.
Aida moved to get
up in order to help him care for it, but he pushed her back down.
as well as the next woman.”
He looked at her
then, judging how much she wanted to help, and nodded slightly.
hip. “Sorry.”
She shrugged.
shirt and wrapped it around her shoulders, not bothering to button it up.
He smirked at that.
“Between us?” he asked wryly.
himself like she had. He didn’t see the
point. “Come on,” he said, holding his
bloodied hand against his chest in an attempt to not get any more blood on the
bed or floor than he already had.
Aida led the way to
the bathroom. The bright lights over the
sink made the cut seem ruthless and unforgiving across the flesh of his
palm. She didn't ask how he’d gotten it –
she didn’t really want to know all the gory details of his fight with Jeffrey –
but she did feel some anger towards Salida.
What good had the other woman done?
She’d done nothing to prevent any of the wounds.
around Sands’ palm, she was scowling fiercely.
“What’s wrong now?”
Sands asked upon seeing her scowl, raising his now bandaged hand up to scratch
at the place on his neck where the bandage had slipped there.
it, and her scowl deepened even more.
“What was she
doing?!” his wife exploded. “I side with
her so you’ll let her go, thinking that she might be able to keep you from
getting hurt, and you come back like this.
Even if she doesn’t care so much for you, one would think she’d
intercede for her husband. But this is
disgraceful.”
“There was nothing
she could have fucking done, spitfire. She
was out on the couch, completely losing herself within her own mind – something
I’m both glad and sorry for understanding’s sake that you’ll never fully
understand – and Jeffrey and I were in my bathroom away from her.”
“Then why did she
insist on going?” Aida wasn’t going to
let this go.
“Maybe she thought
it would make a fucking difference. It
wouldn’t have – I doubt that anyone could have stopped Jeffrey and I that night
– but she didn’t necessarily know that.”
“That’s no excuse
for not trying. I can’t believe she just
gave up like that.”
Sands sighed, and
knew Aida would never understand Salida’s reasoning in going.
the fuck do I tell her instead? “Aida,
all this,” he gestured to his face and neck, Jeffrey’s arm, and his hand, “was
done with one piece of a broken mirror in Jeffrey’s hand.
piece. The reason he used it was simply
because I made a comment about his relationship with Salida.
comment. That was all it took.
the two of us, but I have little doubt in my mind that I would have done the
same in his place. Now in light of all
that, what do you think will happen if you go after sunrise with all of this?”
he asked slowly.
There was a
petulant look on her face, indicating that she knew the answer and knew that
giving it would box her into a corner. “It’s
not like I couldn’t ask her directly without him finding out,” she evaded, her
eyes now fixed on the floor.
“Do you really
believe that?” Sands asked slowly.
“Well . . . if
Salida didn’t tell him. . .”
“And why wouldn’t
she tell him? He’s her husband.
pressed. “Don’t make the mistake of
thinking that sunrise is your friend, spitfire.
a schizophrenic, just like me. That Tess
is buried deep within sunrise’s subconscious doesn’t make her any less real.
that wouldn’t be wise.” He paused then,
going over his next words to her. “And
don’t forget Aida, you’re the minority in this group.
softly.
Aida didn't have an
answer for that. Turning her back to
Sands for the moment, she ran a washcloth under the faucet and started wiping
bloodstains from her skin.
Sands sighed, and
leaned against the doorframe, watching her back.
“Why should you be
if no one could have prevented anything?” she asked bitterly.
sighed. “I’m sorry.
head. “I suppose I should just be glad
that you came home to me.”
Sands walked up
behind her, trying not to look into the mirror to see himself, wanting to
forget what had happened between him and Jeffrey.
tightly from behind, leaning back to rest his chin on the top of her head.
to be reminded of that. She had to
realize that every action made against Jeffrey and/or Salida would have
consequences. It was a hard lesson, but
one he felt she needed to learn.
She shivered.
quietly. “Why don’t you get help?”
“Help for what,
spitfire?” he asked, looking at her in the mirror.
“To make him go
away,” she breathed, not wanting Jeffrey to hear her.
furious with her now.
Sands closed his
eyes, thinking about all the times he had wished he could have done something
just like that. Each instance led to a
sickening realization. “I don’t think
any doctor would be able to help someone like me, Aida.
She froze in his
arms. Part of her thought that being
locked up might be for his own good. But
the rest of her – the majority of her – rebelled at the idea.
hear. He didn’t mumble to himself.
He could function on a day to day basis.
He could love . . .
whispered. He loves. She’d accepted
everything so easily on the surface, but what proof did she have that Sands
wasn’t a womanizing conman? What proof
did she have that Jeffrey was real?
“What are you
thinking about?” Sands asked, growing slightly uneasy at her silence after
saying what he had. He wouldn’t lose her
over something he couldn’t control. He
couldn’t.
“I love you,” she
whispered. “But this has all happened so
fast that my mind hasn’t had a chance to stop spinning.
questions I find myself asking myself.”
“I love you too,”
he responded before tensing slightly. “What
questions?”
“Just . . . just
reassure me that you haven’t lied to me.
This entire . . . everything is just so . . .”
women. You hear stories of business men
with a wife in five different cities. I
want so desperately to believe you . . . but there is still a voice of doubt
insisting that I’m being taken in. I don’t
believe it . . . but you must admit that any sane person would have a hard time
accepting two men living in the same body having separate lives.”
Sands pulled away
from her then. “So what, you think it’s
all a lie? That I’m a lie?” he asked evenly, his eyes narrowed.
She turned to him,
agony reflected in her eyes. “No, I don’t.
for you is based on a lie. But in the
same way that you need to be reminded to be optimistic . . . I need to be
reminded that . . . that even if you would lie to everyone else in the world,
that I am the one that you would never
lie to. Tell me that I am the only woman
you love, and I will believe you. Remind
me that perhaps I will never fully understand you, and I will accept that and
be content with what I know.” She couldn’t
lose him, not now. “You can’t leave me,”
she whispered. “Not like the last time.”
“I wouldn’t lie to
you, Aida,” he said slowly. “And I’m not
leaving you. But how can I leave this
be? How can I just accept that you have
doubts about me? About whether or not it’s
all a big lie? That there is no Jeffrey,
that I did all this,” he gestured to the injures he had once more, “just to
perpetuate the lie? What do I have to do
to convince you? Do you want me to tell
you about all the people I’ve killed? How
about the time where Jeffrey went sliding into a psychotic episode from drugs
meant to suppress me and attempted to
kill sunrise? Ask her about it sometime.
It was barrel of laughs,” he said dryly.
“Don’t,” she
whispered. “Would you have preferred I
kept my mouth shut and let my fears grow?
I’m not asking you to accept them . . . just to help me move past them.”
“And how am I
supposed to do that?” he asked wearily.
“I don’t know.”
atmosphere. “They say love is blind, so
perhaps that will help.”
It didn’t, but he
pressed on anyway, not knowing what else to do.
of resignation that shouldn’t have been present in such supposedly joyful
words.
“I’m sorry,” she
whispered. “It’s just that I have bad
memories of people who said they loved me, but who left me when I needed
them. Just don’t pay any attention to
me. I’m probably overwrought.”
“And you think I
don’t have the same kinds of memories?” he asked bitterly before frowning.
She couldn’t stand
to see him in such pain. Pain she’d
caused for the most part. “I am your
wife, and I will believe in you,” she promised softly.
hers, right hand in right hand. “Tell
me?” she asked, fingering the wedding band she’d bought him.
“You know I got to
visit my old house when I was away, spitfire?” he asked, his voice still
bitter. If she wanted to fucking know,
he’d tell her.
Shook ook her head.
“No, you didn’t tell me that.”
“Well I did.
again.”
Her eyes widened,
but she didn’t say anything. What was
there to say to that?
He pressed on
without pause, turning away from her. “Jeffrey
wanted to take a fucking tour. He wanted
to show sunrise all of the remnants of my twisted childhood.
step foot in that fucking place again, but he didn’t care.
“No,” she
whispered. “But I want to hear.”
could help all his pain go away. Or at
least some of it.
“I hated that
fucking place. For seventeen years I was
a ghost. No one fucking cared about me.
freak. ‘Look at little Sheldon.
repeated the words of the people he had known growing up; their movements,
their sneers. He remembered it all.
All the words she
wanted to say were stuck in her throat. Any
words she could think to say would be interpreted as pity, and he’d be angered.
She’d had enough of his anger for the
day. After such a long absence – and
right after their wedding day – she did not want to argue any more.
Instead of saying
anything, instead of trying to make him turn around, she wrapped her arms
around his waist and rested her head on his shoulder blade.
and hope that he’d gain some measure of peace by letting so many years of
bitterness out.
“I fucking killed
them. I burnt the house down with them
in it. I couldn’t stand it anymore.
fire to get me too. I listened to their
screams and I didn’t care. They had
never cared about me, why should I care about them?
to be gone. I don’t really know what
happened next . . . but I think it was Jeffrey who got me out.
“The next thing I
remember is sitting on the front lawn and watching the place burn.
remember it all. I remember the sight of
my mother’s precious artwork being consumed by the flames.
them. I’m not sorry for any of it,” he
whispered. There were no words after
that, only images. The place under the
stairs where he would go when he wanted to get away from everyone.
were going to yell at him. His mother’s
garden that had somehow survived the fire.
wall of flame. It had been one of the
most beautiful things he had ever seen.
She couldn’t help
it. Halfway through his diatribe, she’d
started crying, absolutely silent on his behalf.
listening to someone scream as they burned alive made her shudder . . . but
what could she do? If she backed away
from him, if she let him know that in this moment he scared her, she didn’t
know what he would do. Her imagination
provided plenty of details, but she forcefully turned it off and tightened her
arms. Trying not to let out a sob, she
pressed a kiss into his back.
“Believe I’m insane
now?” he asked bitterly, trying to ignore the feeling of he arms around him,
wanting to pull away. But he didn’t.
looking at her. He didn’t want to know
what he’d see reflected in her eyes.
“Come to bed,” she
whispered. “I can’t make the past go
away, as much as I’d like to, but I can be here for you now.
“No. I can’t stay
here. I need to go.
not I think I might start tearing the place apart.
“I’ll come with
you,” she murmured. “I don’t know what
you need, but I need to be with you right now.
“And what if what I
need is to fucking go out and take my rage out on the first person that
stumbles across my path? What then,
Aida?” he asked, pulling out of her grasp to turn and look at her.
She was startled by
the violence in his eyes, but held back the shudder that wanted to work its way
through her body. “I trust you,” she
whispered, completely captivated by him.
me.”
“That’s not good
enough. How can you fucking trust me not
to hurt you when I don’t?”
“I love you,” she
told him again. “Love demands trust.
but to stop trusting entirely is to let love die.
time again. I made a promise to myself
that should I ever marry, I would not let it happen to me as well.
step towards him, “then hit me now, and I won’t blame you.
right thing.
Sands pulled back
with a frown as if she had asked him to shoot her in the face instead.
“Then trust me when
I say you won’t hurt me.”
“You don’t fucking
understand. I don’t always have control
of myself, Aida. I could be tearing your
fucking place right now – I’m about this close – and you could try and stop me.
It wouldn’t take much.
be dead. Like that.
what was happening. I’m not saying that
I might just stop like you wanted me to without doing anything else, but I
might not. How can I trust myself when
there’s always that chance? I can’t,
Aida. I just can’t.”
“And you would have
me let you go without protest?” she whispered.
back to me? And you say that you might
not have come back to me at all?” She
blinked away tears. “I love you, but I am
too selfish to let you do that.”
“Fine.
don’t fucking care anymore. But know
this. In the mood I’m in now, I want to
destroy something. Take care that it’s
not you. I-I wouldn’t be able to live
with myself if that happened, savvy? I
may not trust myself, but I trust you to take care of yourself.
“I won’t,” she
whispered, trying to smile. “I may be
foolhardy, but I’m not a total idiot.”
“You’re going out
with a sociopath hell-bent on doing some damage before the night is through.
that anything else remains to be seen.
here.” He strode out of the bathroom,
not looking back. It was up to her to
keep up.
******************************
Dressed in sweats and a pair of sneakers, Aida trailed her
husband down the stairs of her apartment building.
still didn’t think it was a good idea. To
keep from deciding against her presence entirely, she kept silent.
Sands didn’t bother
acknowledging her as she trailed his every movement like a silent shadow.
didn’t want her here – but there was nothing he could do about it.
enough time to shut the door behind her before roaring off into the night.
just needed to go. It was about ten
minutes of aimless driving later that he finally spoke up.
his breath.
His words alarmed
her. “You’re not going to get drunk, are
you?” She’d seen enough men that got
mean when they got drunk to be worried.
“You bet your ass I
am. What’s the fucking point of drinking
if you’re not going to get drunk? But if
you don’t want to, I’m not stopping you.
a scowl.
“I understand the
need to numb the pain, Sands, but getting drunk won't help if you’re already on
the edge of your control.”
you should have stayed back at your place, because nothing you say to me right
now will make me change my mind.”
She knew she could
probably change his mind, but it’d take more effort than she had energy to
waste at the moment. “At least if you’re
going to get drunk, will you at least get a six pack or something and bring it
home?”
“As long as I get
to rob the liquor store,” he said, not entirely joking.
“Do you have a
mask?” she asked, not bothering to purposefully misunderstand him.
“I’m not going to
fucking rob the liquor store. I don’t
want to get shot tonight and that’d be a surefire way to do so,” he said, sounding
slightly exasperated with her.
Aida was quiet for
a few blocks after that. Nothing she
said was right, but he got annoyed with her for being quiet as well.
could tell. But it was better to be here
even if he didn’t want her than to let him go out alone.
Sands made her wait
in the car as he went into the brightly lit liquor store.
full of hard liquor. Oblivion was what
he wanted, and if he drank even half of the box away, it was what he would get.
He opened Aida’s door and set it on her
lap. “Don’t even think about doing
thinthing to them. I’ve compromised
enough for one night,” he warned before closing the door and moving around to
climb into the driver’s seat, starting the car and heading back to her place.
but maybe this would be enough. He
didn’t really believe it, but he was going to try anyway.
Aida held the box, but
she wasn’t happy about it. Her small
town had had its far share of town drunks, and she’d had a few relatives
counted in their numbers, so she knew what alcohol could do.
but she knew it wouldn’t work. She just
hoped that she wouldn’t see her aunt in the mirror when she woke up in the
morning – a broken and battered woman too blinded to admit she was in a bad
situation. But then again, I suppose I’m there already, she thought with some
humor.
Sands remained in
silence until they had once more pulled up in front of Aida’s apartment
building. He got out of the car without
a word and walked over to open the door up for her, taking the box from her
hands. When she had gotten out and
closed her door he juggled the box and his keys to lock up the car.
up to her apartment.
Aida didn’t do
anything other than turn on the lights. She
then went and collapsed on the loveseat.
reconsider. “Please don’t get drunk.”
didn’t have any hope that he’d listen to her, but she had to at least make the
attempt.
“Why not?” he
asked, setting the box down on the floor next to his feet.
get drunk if there’s not a good reason. I’m
not an alcoholic, Aida. I’ve got enough
problems as it is without adding that to the mix.”
“Because nothing
good ever happens when people get drunk,” she murmured, more to herself than to
him.
“Who says?
rein I have to keep over myself all
the time. How is that not good?”
“Then get drunk,”
she said seriously. “I won’t sit and
watch someone else I care for get loaded.”
“Goodnight,
spitfire. Don’t worry about me so much.
need this. Get some sleep.
sitting down heavily on the loveseat.
Aida nodded and went
into the bedroom quietly. Despite her
words and her desire to get some sleep after several sleepless nights and some
wonderful sex, she didn’t go to sleep. She
laid awake in thrknerkness and strained for any sound that her husband might
make, and cursed herself for even opening her mouth that evening.
quiet. But it was much too late for that
now.
******************************
******************************
After searching Aida’s kitchen for something suitable to
drink out of he sat down on the floor in front of the loveseat and pulled the
first bottle out of the box. It was a
bottle of good scotch. He had bought four
bottles of alcohol – each a different kinbut but he had so been hoping that it
would be the scotch he pulled out first.
and knocked it back with one movement. He
winced as the alcohol burned going down, but it was a good sensation too.
do it so fast that he was puking his guts out now rather than later.
sooner or later, but for now he was pushing for later.
He didn’t exactly
remember finishing the bottle of scotch, but the drink in his hand seemed to be
vodka, so he must have at one point or another.
have the energy to go looking for something to cut it with, so straight it
would have to be. He could no longer sit
up straight as the room seemed to be tilting to the left, but some masochistic
part of him decided that he wasn’t drunk enough yet, so he kept drinking.
He had about a
quarter left of the bottle of vodka when he knew he’d had enough to meet his
needs. He couldn’t even think straight
anymore, let alone dwell on the past. He
attempted to rise to his feet from his place on the floor to go and join his
wife in bed, but he found himself back down again before he had time to
respond. He lay flat on his back for a
moment before rolling over on his stomach and crawling slowly in the direction
of the bedroom.
Aida heard him
coming, but she didn’t get up to help him.
drunk, but she wasn’t going to condone it either.
into the bed, but she didn’t turn over to look at him.
smell the reek of alcohol on his breath, and most likely his clothes.
Sands muttered
something that sounded vaguely like a goodnight and did the only thing someone
who had ingested as much alcohol as he had could do; he passed out, flat on his
stomach, fully dressed and with his hair in his face.
Knowing she’d get
no sleep for the time being, Aida got out of bed and went into the living room.
Picking up the box of liquor, she took
it into the kitchen and started to systematically open each one and pour it
down the drain. She’d be damned if she
let him get drunk two nights in a row. And
if he got upset, then she’d face it.
******************************
******************************
Sands came back to consciousness the next morning with a
groan and a curse. He cracked a single eye open and frowned in
confusion. It can’t bill ill dark out, he thought to himself.
was and reached a hand up slowly to move his hair out of his face.
he hadn’t. Sunlight filled the room – unbelievably
bright – and it made him want to crawl into the deepest cave he could find just
to get away from it. “Fucking sun,” he
muttered, his throat dry.
“Look who’s up,”
came a dry drawl from the doorway. The
tone was less than quiet, seemingly designed to send off a brand spanking new
round of pounding in his head.
“Oh fuck,” Sands
said, his head threatening to split in two.
“If I wanted to
sound as if I were yelling, I’d go ahead and do it,” she pointed out
reasonably. “You’re the one that wanted
to get drunk last night. I see no reason
why I should have to lower my voice because of that.”
“Uh . . . because
you love me?” Sands tried. Anything to get her to talk more quietly.
against his temple in a futile attempt to halt the pounding within.
“I’m not actually
yelling because I love you. If I were to
whisper, then I’d be pitying you.”
“Don’t pity me.
could manage when mumbling into the bed and completely hung-over.
“I won’t.”
she was moving soon, even if it was into a house with two people who didn’t
like her. She put two slices of toast
into her toaster and waited for the bread to brown.
bedroom.
he was until the room stopped spinning, but he couldn’t.
I hope Aida called sunrise. He
rolled over on his back and sat up slowly.
so good. Now stand up.
trouble, but as soon as he did he knew it had been a mistake.
After losing all of
the contents of his stomach into Aida’s bathroom toilet, he simply laid his
head on the rim and sat there, enjoying the coolness of the porcelain against
his forehead. Now I fucking know what sunrise feels like these past few days.
he decided it was time to go out to meet Aida.
would deal with it. Well, at least there doesn’t seem to be anything left in my stomach to
come up. Knock on wood.
feet unsteadily once more, and made his way out to see his wife.
“Well, if it isn’t
Sleeping Beauty,” Aida said in that same dry voice.
afraid we don’t have any.” As he sat
down at the table, she sat a plate of eggs and bacon in front of him; he eyed
it reproachfully. “What’s wrong?
The sight of the
food alone was enough to turn his stomach.
his once more raging stomach. “What do
you mean we don’t have any alcohol left?
“Well, you’d
apparently had your fill,” she observed, not going to let him off the hook for
this. “Of course, if you get the urge to
drown your sorrows again, you can always go out and get more, now can’t you?”
“I suppose,” he
said with a sigh, not up to arguing with her over it.
“I already know you’re
sorry,” she said. “But what exactly are
you sorry for? For getting drunk last
night or waking up this morning?”
“I’m sorry you’re
upset with me.”
Aida had to sigh at
that. “Iot uot upset with you.
frustration with herself. “Eat or don’t.
I’m going to go clean up a bit.”
“It’s just what,
Aida?” he asked softly before gesturing to the food.
quite yet.”
“You didn’t want to
hear it last night; you don’t need to hear it now.
start talking about the past.”
“Do you want to
tell it? If so, tell me anyway.
nod.
“It doesn’t need to
be said, Sands. Just another piece of a
history that doesn’t matter.”
garbage. “You should understand that,
right?”
“Yeah, I should.
me from getting drunk last night over a few past memories, now did it? <
st
style='mso-spacerun:yes'> If you want to tell me, I’m listening.
Aida looked at him
and shook her head. “Take a couple
aspirin, it’ll make you feel better,” she advised, leaving the room.
Sands sighed after
her exit, but he would keep his word and drop it.
mind back up someday that was up to her.
slowly back to the bathroom and opened the medicine cabinet.
prescriptions by the dozen with her name on them.
could only assume that they had to do with the tumor.
closed the cabinet and took a long look at himself in the mirror.
like it – but seeing it was still surprising.
way back to the kitchen for a glass of water.
throat felt like sandpaper right now and that would have made it even worse.
out to the living room to join Aida.
face void of any expression. He’d never
seen her like this before, and he didn’t necessarily like it now.
made an effort to say or do something to comfort her, but as it was, he simply
sat with her in silence.
After a few
minutes, Aida threw a glance at him from the corner of her eye.
story.” All he did was reach over and
take her hand in his bandaged one. He
didn’t meet her eyes as he absentmindedly played with her fingers, but he
didn’t leave either.
There was silence
as Aida gathered her thoughts. The
ticking of the clock filled the room as until she quietly said, “I was raised
in a town about two hours north of here.
It’s a small place. I swear that
half the families are decedents of failed
farmers and trappers.” She mused on that
for a bit before continuing.
“We didn’t have a
town drunk. We had family drunks. Growing up
there wasn’t a lot of money in our town – not that we were aware of it as
children – and many adults made a bit of extra money with home breweries and
stills. My dad made moonshine, believe
it or not, and my uncle who could fix anything that ran on four wheels but who
had no talent for making alcohol used to come over often.
something never had the money to pay him immediately, so he was always
upset. Which wasn’t to say that he
wasn’t kind to my siblings or my aunt.
He was. But he came over much too
often to drown his sorrows in a mug, and when he got drunk he was a
whether they were family or not. He once
broke my oldest brother’s jaw by accident.
He paid for the hospital bills out of his own pocket . . . but that
never made the pain go away.” She
stopped, unsure of how far she should go.
“There’s not much
more I can say before I go past the realm of explaining why I prefer not to be
around people who are drunk and move towards complaining,” she murmured.
I'm close to . . . is uncomfortable.
That’s why I asked you not to last night.”
“I think I
understand,” he said slowly. “No one in
my family ever drank enough to be considered a drunk.
before shaking his head. “But that’s
besides the point. All I can tell you is
that last night was an exception. I may
like to drink, but I don’t like to get drunk.
over myself. But sometimes I want that.
“Yes, but it doesn’t
comfort me,” she whispered. “I
understand the need to feel freut tut that is not a price I would ever pay.”
Sands sighed.
“Let me tell you
another little story, Sands,” she said softly.
“Once upon a time, there was a girl who met a boy.
the girl began to believe she was in love.
Until one day, she found out that she was very, very sick.
her affections, she told him, after hours spent dallying in bed.
gotten drunk. She spent days waiting to
hear from him, but he never called, and he never wrote.
collect his things, but the real blow was the note he left.”
Sands didn’t really
think he wanted to know what the note had said, but he couldn’t help himself
from asking. “What did it say, spitfire?”
“‘I’m sorry you’re
sick. You’re a nice girl, and it’s
crappy that this is happening to you.
Call me if you get better.’ And to
add insult to injury, he ended the letter by saying that under different
circumstances, perhaps he would have loved her.
But considering the way things were, it was best for both parties ‘to
see other people.’”
Sands felt a cold
rush of rage pass through him – a need to tear whoever had done this to her
apart. Slowly.
style='mso-spacerun:yes'> You’re my wife.
own heart out.”
She squeezed his
hand. “I understand.”
on tears she’d refused to shed. “It was
from then that I decided that to get through life, one had to go with the
flow. To have your fun while you could
because who knew when someone or something was going to come along and tear you
down. And it worked – or mostly worked –
until last night. After those same hours
spent in bed, after that same need . . . ‘I need a drink.’ That’s why I asked to come with you.
memories were too much and I had to prove to myself that I wouldn’t be left
again.”
“And are you
convinced? Because I am
roses the next few weeks, but I will stay by your side.
matter what happens.”
“I do,” she whispered, moving until she could lean her head against his
chest.
“I never asked you
to be perfect, Aida. I’m far from
perfect lf, lf, and I know it,” he said, laying his cheek down on the top of
her head. “I just asked you to be mine.”
“I am.
“Not even me?” he
asked softly, hoping she would understand what he meant by that.
“You’d have to try
harder than you’ve tried at anything in your life to make me stop loving
you. I can be just as stubborn as you
can, Mr. Sands.” She nuzzled her face
against his chest where she wouldn't hurt him.
“Just call me
Sands. Or even . . . Sheldon.
said softly, pulling her a little closer to him.
“Do you really mean
it?” she asked. When he looked at her
with a question in his eyes, she clarified, “I know you love me, and I love
hearing it. But I was asking about your
name. If you really don’t want me using
it, I won’t. But . . . but I like it.”
“My previous
statement about using it in public stand, but other than that. . .” he fidgeted
slightly. “I guess you can use it.
I don’t like it?”
“Do you understand
why I don’t like you getting drunk, even if I won’t stand in your way?” she
shot back gently.
“I think I do,
yeah,” he said with a slight nod.
not saying I might not get drunk in the future, but I will take your feelings
into consideration the next time.”
“And I will never
use your name – a name I now like more than any other – in public.”
“You like it now
more than any other?” he repeated, his brown furrowed as he frowned.
he had never told it to her when she had asked.
“I still say that I
can make you like it too. Or at least
make you like hearing me say it.”
“And I say that you’re
more insane than I am if you think that’s going to happen, delusional
wife-mine,” he said with smirk to let her know he was joking.
“I’ll wear you
down,” she said confidently. “I always
get my way in the end, you know I do.”
She didn’t want to get up, but they did have errands to run.
“If you say so,”
Sands muttered. His eyes widened
slightly as a thought occurred to him. “Fuck,
what time is it? Did you call sunrise?”
“Shh,” she calmed
him. “I did.
relieved to hear that she wouldn’t have to leave the hotel.
she might suggest to Salida what might be wrong with her, but she didn’t think
the other woman would be pleased to hear that she was showing most of the signs
of pregnancy. There was something in her
attitude that made Aida wary of voicing her concerns.
“Ok good.
she?” he asked with a small frown, feeling the man in question stir in the back
of his head slightly.
“I think she
assumed that since I was the one on the phone, that you were both . . .
indisposed.”
“Indisposed?” he
repeated wryly. “You didn’t tell her I
was drunk off my ass?” he asked with a raised eyebrow.
him to do it earlier, but he hoped she hadn’t.
Aactuactually
laughed. It was sounded a bit guilty and
self-mocking, but it was a laugh. “After
what I've blamed her for, do you really think I’d let her know that I didn’t
manage to do any better?”
“No . . . I guess
not,” he said slowly with slight shake of his head – an action he quickly
regretted. “Fuck,” he whispered,
shutting his eyes tightly, trying to will the pain away.
couldn’t magic everything away as much as he might have wanted them to.
She saw that he was
still in pain. “Take a nap, my
love. I still have some cleaning to do.
won’t make you shop for too long.”
“Shopping . . . right,”
Sands said distastefully. “Fine.
it were . . . I’m going to need it. What
are you going to be cleaning?”
“The dishes from
last night . . . and all the rice that mysteriously ended up on the floor.”
said that.
“Mysteriously . . .
right,” he drawled with a raised eyebrow.
not going to argue.” He leaned over to
kiss her cheek before rising to his feet.
need me.”
“Get some
rest. I promise not to need you until
you can stand without the room spinning.”
“That would be . .
. good,” he said over his shoulder, heading in the direction of the bedroom.
into the room and collapsing once more upon the bed with a soft groan.
Aida shook her head
and got to work. She didn’t plan on
coming back here after tonight.