Bordon's Girl

CHAPTER 26 Labor Of Love

The next few days were difficult for Tessa Tavington. She grieved hard every day for her brother. She wasn’t eating or sleeping. What little of each she did get was only because her worried husband begged her to, for the sake of the baby.

Tess was so deeply depressed. The baby’s clothes that she had been sewing prior to the trauma now sat on a basket, left undone and untouched. Tess’ old bedroom, when she and Bordon had lived there, had been made into a nursery. Things were left unfinished in it, as well. Tavington now dressed the cradle he’d made for the baby with a soft mattress, sheets, and quilt that Tess had made for the baby. He recalled how Tess could not wait to finish things in the nursery, now she had lost interest.

She did not speak of the baby or touch her belly. When Tavington caressed the swollen abdomen, he thought that even their child was mourning, for the baby seemed not to move or kick as much. He knew that the baby had to be feeling its mother’s sadness.

Through all of Tess’ grief, Tavington stayed close to her and continued to be her strong pillar of support. She needed her husband badly at this time. He was patient with her and things that went undone, having great faith that her grief would lift soon.

He knew she was getting better just a week after Bordon had died. The light of a candle had awoken him and he noticed he was in bed alone. Tavington looked up to find Tess out of bed and sewing some of the baby’s clothes.

William left their bed and went to her. He knelt before her and smiled as he placed his hand on her knee.

“I’m so far behind,” she said, smiling wearily down at her husband. “I’ve got to get these clothes done.”

“At 3 in the morning,” Tavington asked. He noticed that she looked very pale and ill at ease.

“I know, William,” she began. “I couldn’t sleep. I just……..I can’t seem to get comfortable anymore.”

“You need your rest,” he remarked.

“Yes, I know,” she agreed, “but, I didn’t feel well laying there. I was so uncomfortable. I couldn’t relax. I actually felt better once I got up and walked and sat. I feel easier sitting upright than reclining backwards.”

She put down her needle and thread and reached out to touch Will’s cheek. She smiled delicately at him.

He put his hands on both arms of her chair and raised himself to her. William brought his face to hers and kissed her gently, yet passionately. As he pulled back from her, he noticed that she was shaky and pale. He was concerned.

“Darling, do you feel alright?”

“No, not really,” she confessed. “I feel flushed one moment and cold the next, hence why I am wrapped in this blanket. I’m sick to my stomach and nauseous, too.”

Tavington touched her forehead with his hand. Then, he put his cheek against hers, searching for a temperature. “I think you may have a fever. I’ll get the doctor.”

“William, no, I don’t feel well, but I am pregnant. This is to be expected,” she commented, trying to calm her husband. She took his hands in hers knowing that Will was worried.

“I’ll be fine. I am just miserable right now because I am so large with this child. As soon as the baby is born, all this will dissipate, and I’ll feel much better!”

With that, she gave William’s hands a reassuring squeeze and smiled sweetly at him. “Go back to bed, Will. I’ll be fine. I promise to get back in bed when I am tired.”

“Alright,” he relented. He brushed a light kiss against her lips and smiled. “I love you.”

“I love you too, William,” she repeated his words.

As William turned to go back to bed, he heard his wife call back to him.

“William,” she began. He turned to look at her. “I haven’t been able to go down to his grave. It’s just…..It’s…….” her voice trailed off.

Tavington rushed back to her side, fearing she was near to tears. “Shhhh…..don’t”, he said.

She shook her head and sighed. “It’s just too painful right now,” she remarked, but remained strong. “But after the baby is born, I will go to him them. I’d like to take our child there with me.”

“Sure,” Tavington nodded with a comforting expression on his face. He was very pleased that she had not broken down when she spoke of her father this time. William felt better now, knowing that she was getting over her brother’s death.

* * * * * *

Tess did find her way back to bed, but did not sleep. She was still so uncomfortable as she lay there, unable to rest. She had only crawled back into bed to be close to William because she was cold.

Now, the two of them were up. William had to beg her to come to breakfast. He was worried that she was not feeding the growing infant inside her enough. She refused, though, feeling too sick to her stomach to eat. She was thirsty, and did agree to do with him downstairs to the mess for some kind of warm drink.

Tess took William’s arm as they descended the staircase. She leaned hard on her husband. She felt weak and dizzy.

After two more slow steps down, she stopped suddenly and grabbed her back, feeling a spasm in it. She groaned and asked to stop for a moment until the ache passed.

A minute later, it dissipated slightly, enough that she could resume the steps. But after more steps, she grasped her belly, moaned and held her breath.

“What is it?” Tavington asked with concern.

“I just feel so sick, William,” she replied. “Maybe this was a bad idea. I’ll just go back to our room. Would you please have then send some tea up to me?”

“Yes,” he said. “I’ll help you back up, then I’ll go on.”

“Alright,” she said.

As William turned to head back up, he noticed the grip of his wife’s fingers on his arm to be very tight. He noticed her body was trembling and she looked strange.

Instantly, she groaned again in pain, grabbed her middle and doubled over. Her breathing had turned to panting. She felt the pains in her side and back now. Her knees were weak.

“Oh God!” she moaned.

“What is it?” William asked in fear.

“I’m not sure,” she remarked. “Would you please help me to sit down here.”

William eased her down upon the stairs and knelt upon a step a couple of steps below where she sat. He was worried. He reached up and stroked some loose tendrils of hair back out of her face. She was flushed.

Tess cried out again and leaned forward, resting her head in her lap. This cry brought part of the house staff and Mrs. McKinnon, the house mistress, running to the stairway.

“William,” Tess whispered through labored breathing, “I think the baby’s coming.”

“Alright,” he replied nervously and afraid. “Let’s get you back up to bed.”

William looked down at the horrified people at the foot of the staircase. “Could you please fetch the Midwife. We need her.”

They complied and one of the servants set off with a message for the Midwife, an American that was an English loyalist, staying with a loyalist family on a nearby plantation.

William picked his wife up and carried her up to their room. He forgot his hunger, now filled with excitement and worry over the impending birth of his child.

He tucked Tess back into bed. She was breathing erratically and whimpering. William left her only for a moment to retrieve a bowl of cool water and a clean linen. He placed it on the table near the bed.

As he dabbed the wet rag across her flushed skin, his wife winced with a labor pain. He looked at her pretty face and saw that she was fighting hard to be brave and fight back tears. Will leaned over and kissed her forehead. He smiled down at her as he took her hand.

“William, it hurts,” she said. “Oh, it hurts.”

* * * * * *

An hour had passed since Colonel Tavington had put his wife to bed and he was still sitting with her. He had hold of her hand and was wiping her down with a cold rag.

Tess squeezed his hand hard and whimpered whenever a labor pain hit. Will was trying to help ease her pains. She had rolled on to her side and he rubbed her lower back and shoulders, as well as stroked her cheeks and forehead tenderly. He felt badly, thinking that she wouldn’t be in this position if he would not have made her pregnant.

Finally, after another hour, the midwife arrived. She was ushered into the Tavington’s room by a servant. Her name was Hannah. She brought a young lady with her named Jane. Hannah explained that she would be leaving soon to return to Ireland and that Jane would become the midwife for the English estates and the Fort in that area. One of the female house servants was assigned to fetch things the midwife needed.

“Colonel, I’m sorry, but you’ll have to leave now,” the young midwife, Jane said.

He nodded his head. He leaned down and kissed Tess’ lips softly. “I have to leave now, but I’ll be right outside the door,” he said, trying to reassure her with a smile.

Tessa’s face contorted and she burst into tears. She was in pain and very afraid. “William, please don’t leave me,” she sobbed. “It hurts and I am afraid.”

This tugged at his heart and made his throat tighten. It took everything he had to fight back his own tears. He didn’t want to leave his young wife. He wanted desperately to stay with her, help her through the pain and comfort her fears. But, he knew well that he would not be allowed to stay.

He caressed her cheek and smoothed back her hair. “Tess, you’ll be fine,” he said, feigning confidence, “You are in good hands.”

“But, William….,”she wailed.

“Shhhhhh,” he tried to calm her. “Everything will be alright And when I come back in here, you’ll be holding our baby.” With that, he squeezed her hand and brushed a light kiss against her forehead. “I love you.”

“I love you too, William,” she sniffled and watched him as he left the room.

The women went to work after the Colonel left.

“Mrs. Tavington, your labor is moving very quickly,” Hannah said. “Your baby will be here before you know it!”

“It’s so painful,” Tess cried.

“I know,” Hannah said in an understanding voice. “The first child is always the worst. After this one, you’ll know what to expect for the rest of your children. The pain with them should not be as bad.”

Tess started to cry again. The younger lady, Jane, sat down next to her on the bed and dabbed her forehead with water.

“Just think, Mrs. Tavington, when this is done today, you’ll have a beautiful baby. And as you hold it in your arms, you’ll forget all this pain you felt.”

Tessa felt a little reassured and tried to calm herself. She felt exhausted already. And she had to push yet.

William passed an anxious hour outside their bedroom. He was trying to stay calm himself. He got up to pace when he nearly ran Mrs. McKinnon over. She had come up to check on the progress of things and bring tea to all of them.

She gave the Colonel a reassuring look and stayed in the room with him for a moment. They both sat down as she gave him a cup of tea. He took a sip and set it down. Then he heard his wife scream. His head whipped back to look at the door, wishing he could see through it.

Mrs. McKinnon knew he was worried. She put her hand on his elbow in a comforting manner. “She’ll be fine, Colonel. Pain is normal in childbirth.”

William could say nothing. He was very worried about his wife. Her groans of pain were breaking his heart. He felt completely helpless. She was going through so much to bring a tiny life into the world.

Mrs. McKinnon spoke again. She knew that this would be the worst birth for him as a first time father. The waiting during the children to come wouldn’t be this bad. “Colonel, in a few hours, there will be a new little Tavington.”

“Yes,” he said, and sighed.

“Do the two of you want a boy or girl,” she asked politely. She was trying to take his mind off of his wife’s birthing in the next room.

“Either is fine with me,” Tavington said, taking another sip of his tea and seeming to ease slightly. “My wife would like to give me a son, though, for the first child.”

“Have you chosen names?” queried Mrs. McKinnon.

“Yes,” he answered. “Um….Patrick William Geoffrey for a boy, and Juliette Elizabeth for a little girl.”

“Oh, Colonel, those are fine names for your children,” Mrs. McKinnon remarked.

With that, there was a groan, then a louder pained scream that came from the room.

“William!”

Tavington jumped to his feet with a look of panic on his face. He heard the hurt in Tess’ voice as she called for him. He stalked with purpose to the bedroom door. He was going in there.

Mrs. McKinnon was able to grab his hand before he turned the doorknob. She pulled back on him, trying to get him to calm down and take a seat.

“Colonel, Colonel,” she pleaded, “Please, sit back down. Everything will be fine. It is painful, but I assure you, that both of you will remember none of this when you are holding your child in your arms that first time.”

She saw the look of helplessness and utter desperation on his face. She had to do something. She pulled the man back over to the couch and physically pushed him down to sit.

“I’ll be right back, sir,” she said in a calming voice. “I’ll go check on her and come back out to stay with you.”

He nodded his head numbly. She quickly disappeared through the door.

William heard the voices of the midwife and Tess again.

“Alright, now, push,” he heard the midwife say.

“Oh! Oh……My God!” he heard his wife cry out. “Please make it stop!”

William put his head in his hands as he felt his eyes sting with tears. There was nothing he could do for her. This was so traumatic for both of them, that at that point, he thought they’d never have another child. He rashly decided that he’d be as careful as possible from then on when he made love to her, so as not to make her go through this again. His mind raced through the foolish thoughts.

Mrs. McKinnon appeared again. She saw the distraught Colonel with his head in his hands. She went to him and touched his shoulder.

“Why don’t you come downstairs to the parlor, sir. Let me make you something a little stronger than tea.”

He was hesitant to leave his wife’s side. Then, after a moment of thought, he relented. He nodded, thanked Mrs. McKinnon, and followed her downstairs.

* * * * * *

Later, just after two that afternoon, Tess was on her last push.

“Alright, Mrs. Tavington,” Hannah coaxed, “The baby is almost out. I know you’re tired, but just one more push should do it.”

Tessa Tavington was worn out, weak, and feverish. Jane helped her to sit up so that she could bear down once more. She groaned aloud as she did.

“Well, well, the first Tavington child is a daughter,” said Hannah.

The baby was very quiet, not uttering a cry as she came out.

Tess smiled and lay back on the bed, panting. She closed her eyes and tried to relax though her body hurt all over. Jane motioned for the house servant, who was back in the room with them, to come near the bed.

“Would you go to the tents and fetch Dr. Kain for the mother, please,” she requested in a subdued voice. “She is very feverish and I’d just like him to have a look at her.” With that, the servant set off to find the Doctor.

“May I hold my baby,” Tess asked.

Jane helped the young mother to sit up slightly. Hannah brought the infant, wrapped snugly in a blanket to her and placed her in her arms.

A beautiful smile crossed Tess’ face. “Oh, she is so pretty!,” exclaimed Tess. “And she is so quiet. Look, she is sleeping already. She is as tired as I am. Birth must be as hard on the children as it is on the mothers.”

Soon, Doctor Kain, one of the camp doctors, entered the room. They took the baby from Tess and asked her to lie back and rest. She was very weak. She did not fight them and was happy to relax.

Hannah went through the door to inform the anxious father. “Colonel,” the older midwife began, “Your wife has given birth. You have a daughter.”

Tavington stood up and felt himself swell with pride and excitement. He was pleased that the process was over and that his wife was no longer in pain. He was very happy that his child was finally here. A huge smile crossed his face and lit up his ice blue eyes. He was very anxious now to see his two Tavington girls.

“How is my wife?” he asked first of all.

“She is weak and feverish,” Hannah replied. “The doctor is checking her out now. She is very tired. We would like her to rest.”

Tavington nodded his head. “When can I see them,” he asked, nearly unable to contain his excitement.

The woman hesitated for a moment, then spoke. “Colonel, your child—“

“Yes?” he answered before she could finish. He was very eager to get to his wife and daughter.

“Sir, I’m sorry to have to tell you this,” she said in a soft voice that conveyed dread, “but your daughter was stillborn.”

Tavington was still so caught up in his own excitement that he hadn’t really understood what she said. “What?”

“Your child,” she repeated, “she was stillborn.”

Tavington just looked at her blankly, as if he hadn’t heard what she said, or didn’t understand.

The midwife continued. “I’m sorry, sir, but the baby was born dead.”

Tavington felt his knees go weak and felt as though the world stopped moving around him. The woman could see that he was shaky, so she took hold of his elbow.

“Why?” Tavington asked.

“We are not completely sure why this happens,” she answered. “I think that things must go wrong, sometimes, as the child develops, and this may cause them to pass over when they are within the womb. The woman still delivers the baby, anyway.”

A moment ago, William was overjoyed. Now, his heart sank as he recalled the pain his wife went through, only to bear a dead child. He knew that she would be crushed. She wanted the baby so much; they both did. He was worried now, about Tess and how she would take this.

“Does my wife know?” he asked.

“No, she hasn’t been told,” answered Hannah. “She was very overcome with pain. She asked to see the child and we let her. We told her nothing, wanting to talk with you first. She thinks that the baby was asleep.”

The Colonel was wracked with anguish. Oh God, he thought. Why did this have to happen! William’s thoughts spun crazy circles in his could not think straight.

“Uh……don’t tell her. I’ll tell her,” he said. He would hate to do it, but felt he was the one to inform her. He knew he could be compassionate as he did, and comfort her as she found out.

Hannah apologized in sympathy, then went back in to help with doctor with Tess. No sooner had she left the room then the young midwife, Jane appeared, with a bundle in her arms.

“Would you like to hold your daughter, sir,” she asked, very compassionately.

“No,” he said, shaking his head numbly. “I don’t think I can.”

“Would you like to see her,” Jane offered gently.

“Oh……I…….,” he stammered. It was almost as if seeing the baby would be too much for him to take.

Jane wanted to make sure. She knew that sometimes regret followed if a child was buried soon without closure on a parent’s part.

“Are you sure Colonel,” she asked. Then, very directly she said, “After she is buried, you may regret having not seen her.”

Will shook his head, then walked to Jane. She pulled back the blankets to reveal the face of his infant.

Tavington’s sorrow seemed to dissipate momentarily. “She’s beautiful,” he said in wonderment. “She looks like Tess.”

“Yes she does,” Jane said in a comforting manner. “She is a very pretty infant.”

Tavington suddenly changed his mind. “May I hold her?”

“Yes sir,” said Jane with a smile. She then handed the dead infant to the Colonel. She placed the tiny babe into his two large hands. He then shifted the child to where her head lay in the crook of his right arm, cradling her.

Jane stayed near him, looking at the silent baby. “What do you call her, Colonel?”

“Oh, we wanted to name her Juliette Elizabeth Tavington,” he commented.

“That is a beautiful name for a beautiful girl child,” she said with a smile. “I must check on the doctor and Hannah to see if I may help with anything,” she said excusing herself.

Tavington was now alone with his dead daughter. He walked into the baby’s room of their suite, which was Tessa’s old room when she and Bordon lived there. It was as if he wanted his child to see what would have been her nursery.

He walked over to the cradle, which would remain empty now, and continued to look at his child’s tiny face, its eyes closed. She had a full head of light brown hair. Tavington soon found himself rocking the baby gently in his arms, as if he was trying to comfort her or get her to sleep. He stopped when he realized what he was doing.

William walked over to the rocking chair where he had imagined that his wife would rock their infant as she nursed it. He sat down in it, still looking down at his child.

The officer pulled the blanket back even more to reveal tiny arms and two tiny feet. He marveled at how small she was. He brushed his fingers over the tops and bottoms of the girl’s small feet, smiling at how soft the skin felt and grinning at her tiny toes. Then, he caressed the baby’s tiny hands. He could hold one of her hands between two of his fingers. After that, he brushed his index finger gently across her lips, expecting her to start to suck on his finger. She didn’t.

Then, he touched those little hands again. William put his index finger tip into the palm of one of the tiny hands, wanting desperately for the baby girl to close her hand tightly around his one finger. This she did not do either. He had momentarily, upon the joy of seeing his infant, forgotten that she had died. Now he remembered, and it broke his heart. Ever since he had felt this child move within his wife’s body, he had looked forward to becoming a father and was truly ready for it. That was all in vain.

Tavington brought his face down to his child’s and kissed her forehead, then the tip of her little nose, and her soft cheeks gently. After that, he rebundled her and placed her upon his shoulder. He felt his eyes moisten with his tears.

He brought the baby back down and held her close and curled up upon his chest. As he did, he began to sob aloud. Tears streamed down his face as he grieved for his dead daughter, hopelessly wishing this not to be true and asking over and over again, “Why? Why?”

After a few more minutes, Jane came and took the infant and told him that he could see his wife. He stopped just outside their room to compose himself; he didn’t want Tess to know he had been crying. He knew that she would ask why.

William padded quietly into the room and over to the bed. The colonel stood silently at her bedside, looking down at her with relief on his face and love in his eyes. Will knew it would be hard to get through the loss of their infant, but together, and with their deep love for each other, they would get through this tragedy.

Tessa was resting back, but still looked uncomfortable. William was pleased to finally see her. He had decided not to tell her about the baby until she was a little stronger and thinking clearly. Her physical pain was clouding her mind and thinking.

Colonel Tavington sat down next to her on the edge of the bed and took her hands in his. He brought them both to his lips and kissed them. Then, he leaned over her and said her name very softly.

“Tess,” he whispered. “Tess.”

She opened her eyes and smiled up at him through her pain. “Will,” she murmured.

He leaned down just a little further and kissed her lips.

“We have a daughter,” she said in a weak voice.

“I know,” he replied with a smile.

“Did you see our baby?” Her voice was strained.

“Yes,” Will answered. “I held her.”

“Isn’t she beautiful, William?”

“Yes, she is,” he agreed. Then he added tenderly, “Just as you are.”

“She is going to be a good baby,” Tess remarked. “We won’t have any trouble out of her.”

William could only nod, trying to hide his sorrow. The image of the empty cradle flashed instantly across his mind. He frowned and sighed.

Tess did not notice this and went on. “She was sleeping and so very quiet,” she noted. “She didn’t cry or make a sound. She will be a quiet little child.”

Will forced a smile. “Yes.”

A look of worry crossed Tessa’s face. “Where is she now?” She questioned this as she struggled to get to a sitting position.

“It’s alright, darling,” he comforted. He lied, “She’s in the other room asleep. Mrs. McKinnon is watching her. She’ll be fine.”

Then, his wife’s face contorted in pain. She groaned aloud and touched her abdomen.

“What is it?” asked Will with concern.

“They told me the pain would pass after I delivered,” Tess stated, “but it hasn’t.”

William touched her forehead. It was very hot. He put a cold compress on it.

Suddenly, Tess cried out in pain again. She clutched at her belly and drew in a sharp breath, which she held. After she expelled the air, she was panting as tears began to roll down her face.

“William,” she sobbed. “Help me! It hurts!…….Please!”

Tavington looked down and his eyes widened in horror. The sheets, which had been replaced with fresh clean ones after the delivery, were now soiled crimson. Will panicked and jumped from the bed, watching the blood stain soak and spread in the area between her legs.

William ran to the door and yelled for the doctor. The man ran into the room with both midwives in tow. They pushed the Colonel aside and all three began to work frantically on Tess.

About that time, as Tavington looked on at the situation in shock, Colonel Tarleton and General O’Hara knocked at the door. They pushed it open and saw the commotion in the room. Not knowing what was going on, they walked in. Hannah begged the two men to take Colonel Tavington out of the room.

They complied and tried to gather up their colleague. He fought them physically as they tried to push him outside. “Let go! I’m staying with my wife this time!” he exclaimed.

“William! William!” Tess called out for him in a tearful voice. “Don’t leave me! I want William!”

“Tess!,” William was reaching for his wife as Banastre and O’Hara were tugging him away. “Tess!”

The two men finally wrestled and dragged the strong colonel from the room. He sat down on the couch with the two other officers to wait.

After awhile, Ban had to excuse himself to get back to duty, and O’Hara had to leave to go back to the Fort. William sat by himself agonizingly, for just under an hour.

Finally, he heard the door open and the doctor came out. He sprang to his feet to meet him.

“May I see her now,” Will blurted anxiously before the doctor could even say anything.

“Yes,” he said in a weary voice. The man had worked very hard.

“Thank God! She’s better now,” Tavington sighed in relief as he closed his eyes.

“Uh….Colonel….,” Doctor Kain began, “No. She’s not better.”

“What?” Tavington asked. He seemed confused.

“She isn’t good. She is very sick and weak,” he announced. “And she’s lost a lot of blood. We did the best we could to stop the hemorrhage, but it was difficult.”

The Colonel listened intently, still not comprehending things.

“Colonel Tavington, she’s dying,” the doctor said in an apologetic voice. “I’m sorry, we did the best we could do. I don’t think she will last the night. It is in the Lord’s hands,now.” The doctor squeezed his shoulder, then sat down wearily.

William stood there numbly, shaking his head. He was in absolute disbelief. Did the doctor just tell him his wife is dying?

Tavington went into the room and straight to the bedside of his wife. She was as white as a sheet and breathing shallowly. William knelt at the bed and folded his hands in a prayer. He prayed silently to himself. God, please don’t take her from me! It is enough that you have taken our little girl. Please! She and I have the rest of our lives together. We want to have more children. Please don’t do this! We want to spend the rest of our lives together!”

He looked up from where he knelt at her bedside and looked at her for a moment. She looked bad. He knew she would die soon. As he stood up and stared down at her, his eyes welled up in tears. Tavington could not believe all that had happened and was still happening.

Colonel Tavington put his arms under his wife’s limp body and picked her up out of bed, grabbing the quilt from the footboard. William carried Tess over to the window bed, a place she loved to sit, and he sat down there, holding her in his arms and supporting her upon his lap. He wrapped the blanket about her.

William held her up with her head lying upon his shoulder so that she could look outside. “Tess, Love, look!,” he told her, “It’s a beautiful day outside. We have snow. Everything is covered in white. The sun is shining and making the crystals in the snow sparkle.”

Tess opened her eyes weakly to look out the window. Everything was a blur to her.

“I love you, Will,” she whispered, barely audible.

With that, William dipped his head to kiss her lips softly. His cheeks were wet with his tears.

“I know you are hurting, Tess,” he began, his voice breaking, “but soon you won’t be in pain anymore.”

He started to weep harder. “Oh God!” Tavington cried out. He soon took a deep breath and tried to choke back the tears.

William tilted his dying wife back, cradling her in his arms and looking down at her. He made the painful decision to let her go. He wanted to, in a sense, give her permission to die, not wanting her to feel any anguish at leaving him behind, if she knew she was dying. He just wanted to let her know that it was alright to leave.

“Tess, if you see your father now,” he began tearfully, “you go on to him. It’s alright, darling! He’ll protect you now.”

He felt Tess slipping away. Her breathing had slowed considerably. He pulled her back up against him, her head on his shoulder. He tightened his arms about her weakened body. Tavington stroked her soft hair, tussling her tired curls, now disheveled.

“I love you, my darling,” he whispered to her. He then kissed her cheek.

Tavington watched his wife and felt her as she took her last breath. He let his tears go, and wept against her hair.

“Oh, God, Tess,” he sobbed. “I don’t understand.” William cried as he continued to hold his wife’s body.

“I love you so much,” he cried. “I always will.”

* * * * * *

The funeral was held in the McKinnon estate family cemetery. Some of the officers were buried there. Major Geoffrey Bordon had been laid to rest there only a week before. Now, young Tessa Bordon-Tavington and her infant, Juliette Elizabeth Tavington, were to sleep for all eternity there, as well.

Tessa had been dressed in her wedding dress. It was the beautiful ball gown that she had worn the day that she and William had eloped 7 months earlier. Their baby daughter was dressed in the white satin and lace Christening gown Tess had worked so hard on and sewn herself. Infant and mother shared the same coffin. Little Miss Juliette was placed on her back on top of her mother. Tess’ arm was wrapped around the baby, as if she was holding her as she slept.

The funeral, held shortly before sunset on Jan. 9, 1781, was well attended. Most of the officers and the Green Dragoons were there. Many women were there. All of them, rich or poor, stood side by side united by a common emotion. Whether camp followers, military whores, common servants, wealthy ladies of title, or officer’s wives, they wept together, all feeling the familiar pain of losing an infant or young child.

William stood numbly near the casket, looking at his wife and baby daughter. Tavington could not control his feelings at that point, and cared not that people saw him weeping for his two Tavington ladies, whom he loved and missed very much.

At the conclusion of the short service, Tavington wiped the tears from his face and neared the casket. He leaned over the coffin and placed two evergreen wreathes upon the bodies. He placed a small one, wrapped with a pink and white ribbon, on his daughter, and a larger one, wrapped with a lavender colored ribbon, on top of Tess.

William leaned over his infant girl, caressed the smooth light brown hair on her head, and kissed her forehead.

“Daddy loves you,” he murmured to her.

Then he moved to his wife. He kissed her forehead, then her cheek, and finally, her lips, which were so very cold.

“I’ll love you forever, Tess,” he whispered.

Colonel William Tavington straightened up and stood tall. He turned and left the funeral, his second in just a week, and the second one he left before anyone could come up and offer sympathy. He did not wish to talk to anyone.

Will headed straight to his suite, which he knew would be very lonely and large without his beloved wife and baby. He stopped first at the dragoon supply tent, and picked up an axe. He then made it to the house and commandeered a bottle of Irish whiskey from the parlor’s bar. With axe and liquor in hand, he disappeared into his suite to continue his grieving in private.