Freak is an Ugly Word

Six days and nights passed before Jessica opened her eyes with no recollection of where she was or what had happened. Her mind seemed to have tumbled as well when she fell down the stairs. Only small bits and pieces of what had transpired flittered through her head like wings of a butterfly. Ever so slowly she regained a little bit of herself as hours and days passed by in a dreadfully slow way. The holes of her mind seemingly filled themselves as she pulled herself back together. With each rising and falling of the sun she regained something of herself. The hours of rest, when the moon dominated the sky, brought dreams of horror and angst. Almost her mind was back to the way it was before the drug Reece had forced her to take. Almost.
When the sun ruled the sky and beat its heat upon her through the shimmering rays that passed through the single window above her bed Jessica felt a twinge of emptiness. Something was missing. A someone that she had grown accustomed to in their short time together. Big Sister had all but vanished and not a trace of her was left. The hot boiling mind consuming anger Jessica had felt as she poured her emotions into their shared vessel was all but nonexistent. Hollow and dead was the beating chambers of her chest, as was her mind. No longer would that being be there. The detested feeling of loneliness washed over her heart like waves over the beach at high time.
All too quickly that feeling of utter weakness came and settled into the deep pit of her stomach. Big Sister had offered Jessica her strength and the young woman had taken plenty of it. But without that entity she was left with nothing. Power that had once been there was replaced with fear. The monster of fear held her captive and there was no white knight in shining armor that could ever save her from its hideous presence. Fear had to be overcome by oneself and she did not have the strength nor the will to try and do so. Instead she was left to embrace it until the tears of self hate flowed from her eyes in thick streams staining her all too pale cheeks.
The article that Adam had read informing his friend of the harsh side effects of the drugs had a small flaw. Mistranslation. The article had originally been written by a Hindu scientist. It had leaked on the internet leaving whoever so chose to translate it. Though, most of the translation was correct the translator, whoever that might have been, had misinterpreted a few things incorrectly. One of the major being the side effects. What had been “one or all personalities disappearing” had become “the converging of personalities”. How they made that mistake, no one knows, but no one took the time to fix it either and so it stayed as it was.
Never understanding what the medicine had truly done Greg was left to watch the woman he cared deeply for cry helpless throughout the passing days. The sight of her disheveled form tore him from the inside out. With each tear that fell from her eyes he felt as if a piece of him went with it. Two weeks of such a thing and he could hardly stand it any longer. “Jessica,” he called softly to the young woman when the tears seemed to finally cease their nearly endless flow.
Jessica looked up at him sniffling. The normally swirling storm gray eyes of hers seemed dull and lifeless. A response was not possible for her. To open her mouth would just ensue more tears to flow. So, she sat staring at him sniffling waiting for him to speak.
“Jessica,” he said her name in a near whisper. Standing from the chair next to her bedside he seated himself on the bed and wiped her tears away with his thumbs. “You can’t keep doing this. You’re going to have to get out of this bed and this room eventually. I’m sure you don’t want to stay here for the rest of your life. This place is horrible, no one in their right mind would want to.”
“But I’m so weak now,” she answered her voice trembling so greatly it was hard to form the words. “I’m back to the way I was. I can’t go back out there, they’ll kill me!” She shook her head. “I was only strong because of her. Now, she’s gone and I’m back to being stupid pathetic Princess.”
A twinge of anger pulled at the invisible strings of Greg’s mind at the way she belittled herself. “You were not strong because of her, you were already strong. The life that you were forced to live made you into that person. You don’t need her, you never needed her, you never needed her, just thought that you did. That strength that you experienced was from you and you alone.”
Jessica released a breath of air that was supposed to resemble a laugh. “I don’t believe you,” she told him while shaking her head. A question had been burning in the back of her mind ever since she had awakened. She never asked it for her time was mostly spent wallowing in self pity. “Greg, why did he push me down the stairs?” The fact that Joker had pushed her down the stairs had been the clearest point in her memory.
A heavy sigh fell from Greg’s lips. He had been hoping that the question would never be asked, but it had been and now he had to answer it. “You were pregnant.”
At the sound of the past tense Jessica’s eyes widened. She had been pregnant but no longer. Relief washed through her in cascading waves. In her eyes she was unfit to be a mother and would never be able to handle such a thing. Having lost the child was a good thing to her. But why, at the same time, did she feel the pain of loss?
She did not want a child. They were selfish little creatures that wanted everything but gave back nothing. Crying and screaming they wrangled people into giving them their undivided attention. Little children were the worst. All of them seemed starved for attention though they were supplied amply with it. It seemed as if they needed the attention of everyone, even strangers eyes upon them, or they felt neglected. When they grew into their teenage years, they screamed words of hatred at the people that did nothing but love them. They deliberately disobeyed their parents just to see their reaction. All of them believe them to be invincible and did anything that they pleased.
No, she did not want a child. To be a mother she would have to be patient and understanding and Jessica felt she lacked those qualities. It was not only that that kept her from wanting a child but the fear that it would turn out like her, as she had with her mother. Though her other persona had been helpful, not everyone could be or would be that lucky. She would not want any creature to be doomed to the same fate that she had been. Living in a world of nothing but the mad and sick.
Before she could feel any more sentiment of losing a child she had failed to realize was growing inside of her she pushed the thought away. Instead she thought of the things she had lost and feared losing. One of the things she feared losing was sitting next to her on the bed running comforting fingers through her hair. With longing in her eyes she gazed up at him and he saw what he felt. She wanted to leave that place and never see it again. The only obstacle obstructing her way was a petty blond haired silver eyed woman. Reece.
Both knew trying to convince the woman to let Jessica go was futile. No matter how much money Greg donated to her pockets she would never release her. There was nothing more in this world that Reece wanted more than to keep Jessica under her “care”, except Joker of course. The fact that the younger woman had to answer to Reece made the woman feel empowered. Drunk with that power she decided that it was best for the world if Jessica stayed there. Most disagreed with the woman and wished for the young woman’s release. Sadly, those people had to answer to the tyrant and could not state their opinions without feeling the harsh lash of her wrath.
Being in the hospital did not bother Jessica. What bothered her was that she felt she was getting worse instead of better. The people were nice, most of them, and it was free room and board, something she had never experienced before. But slowly the monotony of it all was driving her to the darkest brink of insanity. With each passing day she was falling farther and farther into the deep pits of the hell that was her mind. So deep she had fallen she feared she would never be able to make her escape.
“Jessica,” Greg called stopping her fall and lending her a helping hand out of the pit. Her once glazed over eyes returned to the almost awed like attentiveness he was used to. “You have to leave this room. You can’t stay here for the rest of your life.”
Heaving a great sigh, Jessica replied, “I know. I would love to, but I know that I can’t. I’ll have to go out there sooner or later and face them.” Greg suggested the former to the latter. “You’re not going to go with me, are you?” asked Jessica with downcast eyes.
Greg shook his head though he knew that Jessica could not see it. “This is something you have to do by yourself, like getting your necklace back from Joker.” Just the mere mention of the fact that Joker still had her necklace captive around his neck sparked anger within her. A rather large and unnerving appeared on her face. Knowing what it meant, Greg could not help but smile himself. She was going to be just fine. Woman seemed to have the ability to jump right back from any situation given to them. Just let them cry their tears, have their release, and they will be back to normal in mere seconds. He always admired that gender quality of theirs.
Leaving her with a kiss on the forehead and a farewell Greg made his way toward the exit of the building. Eyes with a rekindled flame watched his retreating back. No, Greg was not retreating and Jessica would not describe it as such. He was simply leaving her to do what needed to be done. Getting her necklace back. It became top priority in her mind. There would be no more laying in a bed crying in self pity. None of that had room in her anymore. She would save her tears for something worth while. For what she saw as an actual loss.
Having no knowledge that a creature grew inside of her she did not consider such a thing a true loss. Maybe, if she had known about it, Jessica would feel differently. But she did not know about it and it was now gone forever. Classifying the child as an “it” made it easier to cope with the loss. No matter what her mind told her, her heart had taken quite the blow when she had heard those words pass through Greg’s perfect lips. A pain that most women in her position go through.
Haphazardly throwing the covers off of herself Jessica placed both of her bare feet on the cold milk colored tiled floor of the room. With little to no effort Jessica pushed off of the bed and stood. It was much easier than she had anticipated. Now, all she had to do was walk out of the room. The hardest part of all. Somehow, she knew she was going to manage it. Slowly, placing one foot in front of the other she walked out of the room without looking back.
All too quickly she made it to the one room she knew everyone resided in, the Rec Room. And there they all were, sitting around the rounded table playing games or reading a book. The one person she wanted to see happened to not be there much to her dismay. Joker must have been in one of his “therapy sessions” with Reece. There was nothing more Jessica wanted than to ball up her fist and give him the hardest hit she could muster. Unfortunately he was not there and she was left do nothing but wait for him with the others.
“Hey,” Ivy gently called to the young woman as she sat down in one of the empty chairs surrounding the table. “Feeling better?”
Jessica smiled ironically. “Considering all that’s happened, yeah, I feel good.”
“Glad to see that you’re back to normal,” commented Crane. He had held much dislike for Jessica while she was on the drug. She had an annoying quality about her that he could not stand. He never did like children.
Yes. Everything was back to the way it should have been. Jessica was off the drugs and back on her birth control. It had been made obvious to all, even the more respectable doctors of Arkham, that she needed to take it. Another thing that had been made obvious was that security had become lax since Reece took the reigns of leading the hospital. Some had decided it was time for a change in leadership though the woman had only been head of the hospital for a short period of time.
With those facts and Greg threatening to sue the hospital the board would have no choice but to fire the woman. The men would have no qualms with that considering they had believed her to be unfit for the posistion in the first place. Though Reece had fought tooth and nail to get that posistion, she was soon going to lose it. The only person she had to blame was herself, but she would not see it that way. Her ego and personality would not allow it. To her, she was the greatest gift to the planet and could do no wrong. Instead, she would place the blame on Jessica who would gladly accept it with a smile, anything to piss off that woman.
An hour passed by since Jessica had arrived in the room. Crane and Riddler, she had finally learned what people called him, were playing a game of chess and Mad Hatter was reading a book. Several minutes before Ivy and Croc had left the room for some alone time, everyone knew what that meant. A twinge of jealousy had pulled at Jessica’s emotions as she watched the couple leave the room. Though she did not want to feel it, it could not be helped. She had had an emotional tie to Croc and could not help but feel a little upset that he could get over her so fast. But who was she to talk? Had she not jumped into the arms of two other men as soon as they opened them? Greg’s intentions toward her had been quite different than what Joker had planned for her, but she did it all the same.
Jessica pushed her envy away feeling she had no right to the emotion. It upset her to know that she could be so selfish. Croc had every right to do whatever to whomever he chose. She could not dictate that. Such feelings were petty and to feel them would just bring her down to Reece’s level. That was a place she did not want to go. Being like that woman would taint her soul even more than it already was. A burning hatred was held deep within her for that woman and she did not want to give herself even more reason to hate herself.
Bored out of her mind and tired of just sitting and watching Crane and Riddler play chess Jessica decided it was time to do something. “I’m going for a walk,” she announced to the table while standing.
With excitement in his eyes Riddler stood up. “I’ll go with you.” It was not an offer. Even if it had been and she refused he would still tag along. Crane scoffed at the man. Eyes narrowing to slits Riddler reeled on him. “Find something funny, Scarecrow?” he spat at the man.
“Yes, I do,” Crane stated a cocky smile on his face. “The idea of you walking is just about as ridiculous as the information you bombard us with each and every day.”
If there was one thing Jessica could not stand it was watching someone being degraded. Years of her life had been spent with the harsh words of others who looked down upon her. When Riddler’s eyes flickered with the hurt she knew all too well she felt the urge to stick up for the man, as she had done with Mad Hatter. “I would love the company. I don’t see any problem with it at all.” As sweetly as she could Jessica smiled at Riddler. Silent gratitude appeared in the form of a smile from Riddler.
As they started to walk Jessica saw the reason for Crane’s atrocious words. There was a slight limp in Riddler’s step. It made the going slow, but Jessica did not mind. With nothing else to do even a slow walk would not make her turn around. All it did was make her curious as to why he had to walk in such a way. So curious, she questioned him about it.
Riddler’s brown eyes shifted in their sockets nervously making it clear that he really did not want to talk about it. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” Jessica told the man.
He sighed in relief, but decided to tell her anyways considering how nice she had been. “Abusive father,” was the only answer that he gave her and it sated her curiosity. All too well Jessica understood abuse. She had lived with it for five years, not including the verbal abuse her father had bestowed upon her in his besotted state.
Though the man had apologized for what he had done Jessica still could not find it in her heart to forgive him. She may have verbally stated that she forgave him, but they were just word, desolate and empty as the desert was when the sun was high. For an odd reason words seemed to make people feel better even if they are nothing but lies. A little lie went much further than the truth, Jessica had come to discover. Strange how most want the truth but preach nothing but false hopes to the world.
Uncomfortable with the topic they were on, Jessica quickly changed it. “How did you end up here?”
“Interesting,” Riddler mumbled to himself, but Jessica heard it all the same.
“What’s ‘interesting’?”
“The fact that you changed the subject. Most people would ask just how my father abused me and what exactly had caused my small deformity, but you did not. Instead, you changed the subject leading me to believe that you yourself were abused.”
“Maybe I was, maybe I wasn’t,” Jessica replied stiffly.
A smile appeared on Riddler’s face, joy that he had figured out part of the girl’s history. Jessica had been a little offset when he had first met her but it led him to want to figure her out. The others would not delve into her story piquing his interest even more. She was a puzzle to him and he loved puzzles. Though only a few pieces of the puzzle had been linked together he would figure the rest out soon enough. Once every piece was together the entire layout of her would bring him much satisfaction at solving yet another puzzle.
“Dodging the statement as you had just proves my theory. Not to mention the other signs that you have unknowingly gave me.” And she had given him plenty of signs. An inquiring eyebrow raised high on Jessica’s forehead. She really wanted to know what signs he was speaking of. So, Riddler informed her of them. “Your eyes dart back and forth constantly as if seeking out any ill intent someone holds for you. The distance you keep from me is half of my reach so that you don’t seem impolite as well as so you can jump away from me to get out of my reach. The reason for your clumsiness is the way you walk. You walk stiffly ready for any blow that you think will come at any moment. I have never seen you relax, even when you were on that drug of yours, except when you play the piano. It seems the only time that you let everything go.”
“Anything else?” Jessica’s tone was sharp and biting.
“Yes. When someone passes us you make sure to watch their every moments. If one even raises their hand to scratch their head you flinch.”
“You know,” started Jessica, “when I said ‘anything else’ I really didn’t mean for you to continue.”
Riddler sighed heavily. “I know it’s just a compulsion I have.”
Before Jessica could comment on the matter shouting was heard from several doors up from where they were positioned. The commotion caused them to stop and see what was about to transpire. Human curiosity was such a troubling thing. Instead of turning back and ignoring what was going on, they drew closer, trying to make out the words that were being shouted.
Once they were close enough, the shouting grew more distinct but they still could not understand what was being said. Then, suddenly Joker burst through the door giggling madly. Spotting Jessica he quickly came behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. Confused Jessica just stood there having no inkling as to what was happening. “Sshh,” he whispered in her ear. “The Flower is mad.”
That is when Reece made her entrance, or exit out of the door. She was in a disheveled state. Golden hair was ruffled and ragged looking, her clothes were wrinkled, but her silver eyes shown brightly with anger. Seeing Joker with his arms wrapped around Jessica made them glow all the brighter. “You!” she seethed pointing her index finger at Jessica. “This is all your fault!”
Turning around to face the man, Jessica’s eyes narrowed as she asked, “What did you do?” Joker just shrugged as if he did not know the answer to that question.
“He moaned your name!” Reece shouted indignantly catching the attention of all around her, including passing orderlies and nurses.
Jessica burst into a fit of laughter. She just could not help it. Biting her lower lip to stop the fit of giggles she turned to face Reece. When she faced the woman the laughter quickly ensued once again. This was just too much. Too priceless. Reece would never come to realize her own stupidity. Joker was just fucking with her. Trying to upset her to see her reaction. All she was doing was playing perfectly into the hands he had dealt her. Jessica should know she had done the same exact thing once upon a time.
With Reece still trying to bore a hole into her head, Jessica left freeing herself from Joker’s grasp. She had to get away from those people, if not she was surely going to die of laughter. The only place she could think to go where she could laugh uncontrollably was her room. A hand held on her side from the pain she made her way to that very place giggling madly.
When she reached the door to her room, which was shut for some odd reason, Jessica closed her hand around the knob almost devouring the thing. Giving it a little twist and push she opened the door. “Jesus fucking Christ!” screamed Jessica slamming the door closed. What she had saw had been horrible. Croc sitting half naked on her bed with Ivy on her knees. That was not something she had wanted to walk in on. She may have been a prostitute and used to seeing such things, but it still made her highly uncomfortable.
Then realization dawned upon her. That had been her bed. Her fucking bed! Now she knew that had been a frontal attack from Ivy. Little bits and pieces of Ivy’s actions against her slowly replayed themselves in her mind as if staring at them on a strip of film. Short choppy scenes. Jessica had some knowledge that the red headed woman did not like her, but to do such a thing was horrendous and evil, not to mention a bit creepy. God, how stupid she had been! To think that the woman actually liked her. Maybe Ivy did somewhat, but it did not show at that moment.
Storming away in a random direction Jessica got as far from the room as she could within the confines of the asylum. Little did she know that Joker was slowly creeping behind her having left a screaming Reece just to follow her. Poor Riddler had been abandoned by both and was forced to stay with the woman when yanked him inside of her office.
Curiosity tugged at Joker’s brain as he passed the door that Jessica had slammed. He decided to sate the emotion; he was still only human after all. Opening the door he burst into a fit of giggles. Croc was now standing trying to pull up his pants while Ivy was still on her knees. “You know,” Joker started after the giggles had resided, licking his lips, “that’s Snow White’s bed, Ivy?” Momentarily he waited for a response. “Oh, don’t want to talk with your mouth full?” Screeching with laughter he slammed the door shut and then preceded in the direction Jessica had headed in, humming off key the entire way.
As Joker was humming Jessica was walking down a flight of stairs. Reaching the bottom she continued onward into a dark and dismal hallway. Not a speck of light filtered through where she was. Even the light from the steps she had just traversed down seemed to be swallowed by the all consuming darkness. So dark her eyes could not adjust to it, but she continued on none the less. Hatred and rage forced her onwards though a small sick feeling that could only be fear gathered at the bottom of her stomach.
Laughter that could only be described at utterly insane bounced around the dark passageway. Screams of pain and horror filled was little void that the laughter could not cover on its own. Her heart pounded erratically as incoherent whispers assaulted her ears. The mixture of sounds would drive even the sanest to the point of madness. Stopping dead in her tracks she readied herself to turn around but a voice calling to her made her hesitate. “I see you,” it whispered to her through the darkness.
Jessica’s heart stilled as her body had done. Every fiber of her being was telling her to run, but the control she had over her muscles had left her. All she could do was stand there and shiver uncontrollably. A hand brushed her hair and she yelped as if it had burned her twirling around. Now, in the black void, she had lost all sense of direction. Even if she had found the ability to run she would not know which direction to take.
The very same hand found her face and slowly traveled down to her waist. Large and callused it was telling her it belonged to a male. “You’re so pretty,” he hissed in his slime covered voice. “You’re like an angel. God must have sent you to me. I must have not fallen from his grace.”
His hand slowly traveled back up. When it met the back of her neck she was roughly pulled forward. Jessica’s small frame came into contact with the only thing separating her from him. Cold metal bars pushed into her flesh as he continued to pull as he tried to make her go through the bars. When she did not pass through them as he had expected she would he grew distressed.
“Why won’t you come to me?!” he screamed at her in a near panic. “Why?!” Silence grew heavy between the two. Jessica was so frightened even tears would not form. When he chuckled darkly they finally did come in great streams. “I see,” he whispered. “I see what you are. You were sent by the Devil. You’re my temptation to sin. I will not fall for such a thing, you evil temptress.” His thumb gently brushed her cheek. “This poor girl. How horrible of you to choose her as your vessel. I will save her so that you will never touch her again. I will send her to our Lord and Savior. He will protect her from you.”
His hands came together around her throat and squeezed tightly. Instinctively Jessica’s much smaller hands wrapped around his wrist, squeezing them tightly in hope that he would let go. It was to no avail. No matter what she tried, hitting him, pushing him, nothing worked. He just continued to slowly squeeze the life out of her.
All too soon she slipped into her own darkness. The darkness of unconsciousness. The pain left her as her hands went limp at her side. He continued to squeeze still feeling her pulse on his palms. It was starting to slow drastically and he knew she was almost gone. An unpleasant smile formed on his face knowing he was doing the right thing. Soon she would be fully healed of the demon inside of her and join the other angels in heaven where she should have resided in the first place. This world was not a place for angels. It was dark and twisted full of sin. There she would be unscathed by such evil things.
When a hand grabbed his wrist he nearly dropped the poor girl to the floor. “Let her go,” it hissed evilly at him. He knew that voice all too well. The voice of the Devil himself. Late at night, or what he thought was night, the Demon King himself would come and visit him in the form of a man with face painted like a clown. Whispering words of evil through the bars causing him to scream endlessly and harm himself just to make him stop. It only enticed the man even more and the man would laugh mockingly at him.
Many times he had tried to physically assault the man. Many times he had failed because of the bars he was held in. All the man had to do was step back a few steps and he was no longer in reach. It frustrated him to no end. Another soul he could heal was just out of his reach unlike the one in his arms now. That is why he dubbed himself the Healer, because he, and he alone, could heal those the demons had took possession of.
“I’m going to heal her,” the Healer insisted tightening his grip on Jessica’s neck. Already her pulse was hardly nonexistent. Then something clicked in his brain and it started to work in high gear. The Devil never cared about his subordinates before. He had always just let him kill them without a word of protest. Now, he was stopping him, but why? Why would he do such a thing?
It was a trick, his mind insisted. Satan did not want him to let go but kill her. She really was an angel! God had sent her there for him to protect her, not kill her. That is why she would not slide through the bars. It was another test sent by God. If he killed her it would be a sin against the one who judged all.
With that realization he let her go. Jessica’s all too limp body fell to the floor. The Healer watched as the Devil picked her up and carelessly threw her over his should. “No!” he bellowed loudly enough to overshadow the laughter and screams of the other inmates. “You can’t have her! She’s mine!”
Joker cackled madly. What a game he had just played. Normally, he would have just let the man kill Jessica, but seeing the opportunity to mess with an already demented mind he could no let it pass. Spending much time with “the Healer”, as he liked to call himself, he knew the man’s personality very well. Most of his nights, he was aloud to roam freely when the other patients were asleep, were spent torturing the man. He had known by trying to stop the man that he would see it as him, the Devil, trying to actually get the man to kill her. Walking off with her would do even more damage. It had all been too much fun for him.
Still cackling, the Healer’s shouts barely a whisper now, he walked up the steps. The harsh lightening of the hospital forced him to squint. Once they adjusted themselves he decided where to take Jessica. He could not possibly take her to her own room considering what he and she had just walked in on moments ago.
While deciding on where to take her another thought crossed his mind. Snow White was now just one person. The weak minded simpleton he had met before. Another opportunity had presented itself. He could once again toy with her mind. Take it to places he had not taken it before. The thought, also, made his decision on where to take her. His room.
Over the past few days Joker had become quite bored with his new toy Reece. She proved to be too predictable and everything she had tried to accomplish in getting rid of the one person she saw as an obstacle had ended in complete failure. Snow White just seemed to have the ability to thwart any plans against her. Maybe it was just luck.
But her luck had just worn out now that Joker had new plans for her.

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Another chapter out for all of you. Thanks for rates and reviews. Keep them coming please.