Bordon's Girl

CHAPTER 27 An Officer’s Grief

Mrs. McKinnon had a lot of food for all the mourners who lingered after the funeral. Ban Tarleton was one of the officers who attended the service and stayed around afterwards to visit. He had really hoped that his friend Colonel Tavington would come down from his room to have a bite of supper and accept condolences. He did not make an appearance.

Around 9:00pm, Banastre became worried about Tavington. He and General O’Hara decided to go upstairs and pay a visit to the grieving officer.

Once outside his door, their knocks and calls through the locked door went unheeded. They fetched a servant who obtained a key and let them into the room. They opened the door to find the parlor empty. They saw baby clothes and blankets stacked up on a sewing basket next to the wingback reading chair. They saw a tiny rag doll, along with a toy bear sitting next to the fireplace.

“Tav?” Ban called through the suite.

“Go away,” he yelled from one of the bedrooms.

They saw a plate of food, which was untouched, sitting on the sideboard next to the door. Mrs. McKinnon had it sent up to the Colonel earlier. He wasn’t hungry.

The two officers entered the nursery first. Sadly, they saw the beautiful wooden cradle the Tavingtons’ had purchased for their firstborn in pieces on the floor. They saw the axe lying on the floor next to the mess and knew that William had hacked the thing to bits.

O’Hara picked up the axe as Tarleton made his way into the couple’s bedroom. He saw Tavington sitting alone on the edge of the bed. The forlorn man was playing absently with his pistol.

“Will?” he began, but Tavington cut him off sharply.

“Get the bloody hell out of here, Ban,” he scoffed. He was slurring his words badly.

“I’m insulted that you don’t want my company,” Ban said, being his usual funny self.

“Don’t you have a whore somewhere that you need to be with?” Tavington asked sarcastically.

“They’re all booked up tonight and I’m out of money anyway!” Ban retorted.

He was nervous watching William twirl his pistol about. Tarleton walked cautiously over to where Tavington was.

“Hey, Tav,” he began, “I’ve got a great idea. Looks like you downed that first bottle by yourself. Why don’t I get us another bottle and we’ll get drunk together.”

“I already am!” Tavington shot back.

“Okay,” Ban replied. “Then you can watch me get obliterated, and you can continue drinking until you pass out!”

William did not answer. Instead, he put the pistol to his temple. Banastre gasped inaudibly in fright, then walked a little closer to William. O’Hara was frozen in the doorway, thinking that he was going to see one of his top commanders blow his head off right then and there.

The quick thinking Tarleton tried to avert a disaster. “Willie, give me the gun.”

There was no response from the distraught colonel. The silence that hung in the room was deafening. Banastre could hear his own heart beating loudly in his ears. He tried to think of something fast to help his friend.

“Tav, you’re so plowed right now that you couldn’t hit the broadside of a barn. So don’t waste the ammo—we need it too much!”

Tavington just looked up at him, still holding the gun.

Banastre continued on. “I promise I’ll give the gun back to you tomorrow. Then you can shoot yourself when you’re sober and your aim is better.”

O’Hara shot him a scared look from the doorway. He thought that Tarleton was just a touch insane sometimes for doing the daring things he did.

Ban then added, “You may want to kill yourself anyway in the morning when you wake up with one Hell of a hangover.”

With that, Tavington handed the gun to his friend. O’Hara began to walk about the suite to gather the rest of the Colonel’s weapons. They both thought it was a good idea to confiscate them for the night so that William could not hurt himself.

William tried to stand, but fell back on to the bed. He struggled again to get to his feet, but he was too drunk.

“Uh…..listen Willie old boy,” Ban said. “Why don’t you go on to bed before you pass out and hit your bloody noggin on something on the way down.”

Tavington, in his waistcoat, breeches, and white shirt, did not fight him. He laid back into his bed and fell asleep.

General O’Hara and Colonel Tarleton left the suite after having collected all of Will’s weapons, including the axe. They wanted Tav to get some sleep. He would have some time off from duty while in mourning, so the poor, distressed man could get some much needed rest.

* * * * * *

For Colonel Tavington, the next few days were a blur. He did not visit his men; he did not socialize and took his meals in his room. Usually, the plates were sent back with most of the food still on them. Most of the time was spent in his room alone, where he sat idly or stared out the window. He would feel a pain in his heart or tears stinging at his eyes when he looked at Tess’ rocking chair. He kept imagining her sitting in it, nursing the hungry little babe or rocking the child to sleep. Hurt wrenched the officer’s being when he gazed upon his wife’s dresses hanging in their closet or the baby clothes she had made, still stacked upon her sewing basket. Tavington thought about throwing all his wife’s and baby’s clothes into the fire place and burning them to ashes.

Night was the worst. William could smell his wife’s scent on her pillow. He cried every night for her and when he finally fell asleep, it would be with him clutching Tess’ pillow to his chest. He would dream of her, wake up, and get out of bed searching the suite for her, only to realize as the sleep cleared from his mind, that she was dead. Will missed putting his arms around her in bed, spoon fashion, holding her to his body. He wished he could feel her asleep on his chest. Mostly, he ached to make love to her again, and wished she were lying naked next to him in their bed.

The mornings were nearly as bad. Even though he had been a bachelor until he married Tessa 7 months ago, he had gotten used to having her body next to him in bed. He hated waking up alone in the bed. He could almost hear her voice talking softly to him in the morning, while still laying in bed. God how he wanted to touch her swollen belly again, the way he had caressed it every morning while lying in bed with her. He missed her soft kisses upon his cheeks to wake him up.

The suite was too large for one person. It had become a very lonely place. He wished it was full of his family. He pined to see his wife busying herself around the room, caring for her family, mending his shirts—anything! He longed to see his baby daughter crawling or toddling about the place. William’s heart broke whenever he tried to imagine his infant laughing the first time or saying the word “daddy”. These were all things that would never be, or would not be again.

When the rooms pressed in on his soul and he could no longer take it, he’d grab his coat and charge out of the room. He’d stand or sit near their grave, saying nothing and feeling dead himself.

Six days after they died, he found himself once again standing at their graveside. He felt the urge to talk to them today. He knelt down and touched the white cross bearing their names.

“Oh….My baby Juliette,” he began, “I miss you so much, my child. Daddy had so much planned for you.”

He closed his eyes, sighed, and shook his head. William went on. “You were so very pretty as a baby. And, I know you must be the prettiest little cherub in Heaven.” A small swell of pride within him at this thought lifted the corners of his mouth into a smile.

Then, he spoke to his wife. “Oh, Tess, my love, I miss you as much. I envy all those that are in that place with you, for they now have you and get to gaze upon your lovely face.”

Tavington paused, fighting back those choking tears, not wishing to cry over the grave anymore. It was wearing him out. After a moment of hearing the wind rustle, he continued.

“Life seems empty and useless without you. You were everything to me. I miss your beauty gracing my life. But, I know that you are the most beautiful angel in Heaven.” With that, he kissed the cross, then left.

He walked to the barn and asked for his horse to be brought to him. He mounted his horse and rode to Fort Carolina, his first time to leave the confines of the plantation in over a week.