Jack's Cure

(A/N: ::Squee:: You reviewed!!! You’ve no idea what an assurance that is! I love you all! MizEmotional: hope you enjoy this chappie as much as the last! J Flossie: I’m doing my best to crank ‘em out quick! Hope you like this one! DarkBubbleGum: Thankies! I just see Jack as being somewhat exasperated as well as frightened by Anamaria. And he also wants to bang her ;-) Wintermoondancer: I’m glad you enjoy it. I shall keep going! Thanks for the review. Mercurial: Thanks so much! :-D Indeed, I love these fictions that create an element of Jack that is a bit deeper and perhaps a little more serious but I’m too silly for anything but a farce. ::Crosses fingers:: and I hope you like my smut >.> Thanks again to all! I would have quit this whole shin-dig if weren’t for you.)

“Now, young William, what seems to be the trouble between you and the lovely Miss--us Turner?” Jack inquired, obviously glad to be safely tucked away inside the empty smithy and well away from the jail, Norrington, and anything wearing a red coat.

Though he hadn’t been able to escape Anamaria. She refused to go back to the ship, explaining (more like yelling) that if she left Jack behind she would only have to come get him again and that was how she had wound up thrown in jail in the first place. All this was said while she pummeled Jack with slaps and punches and even a kick to his shins.

So she stayed, much to Will’s chagrin.

That was just one more person who would know of his embarrassing predicament. It was hard enough now, as he paced uneasily while Jack lounged lazily on a few stacked up crates, expecting an answer. With Anamaria standing just a few feet behind him, arms crossed in expectation as well, it was nigh impossible for Will to find the right words.

“Well-- it isn’t that our relationship has turned sour, or that she doesn’t interest me, or that there’s anyone else who interests me more--”

“Whoa! Hold on there, whelp. I distinctly remember asking what the trouble *is,* not what is *isn’t.*” Jack interrupted.

“I know that!” Will snapped in frustration, causing Jack to make a face. “But those are all the things Elizabeth thought when she found I--I--”

Jack tried rolling his hand gracefully by his slender wrist to coax the rest of the boy’s confession out.

“I-- can’t get an erection…” Will mumbled quickly, his cheeks burning in humiliation as he ducked his head.

For a moment Jack looked utterly perplexed, his kohl smeared eyes screwing up in puzzlement, “What?”

“Ican’tgetanerection,” Will mumbled again, even faster as he fixed his dark eyes on the ground.

Jack was obviously about to say ‘what?’ again when suddenly Anamaria interrupted with irritation: “ ‘E can’t get ‘is pecker up, Jack.”

Realization dawned on the sloe-eyed pirate and his lips parted in revelation as though someone had just told him a huge and horrifying secret. Will was surprised when he came out with his next words as the black smith had expected the man to laugh heartily at his expense and make some snide comment.

“Well why not?!”

“I don’t know!” Will blurted, feeling as though Jack were accusing him of some terrible crime.

“Well what d’you want me to do about it?!” Jack slurred looking just a little perturbed now.

“I don’t know--u’reu’re a pirate!” Will replied in desperation.

“Not really *that* kind of pirate, lad,” Jack replied warily, “I mean there have been times-- a man gets a mite lonely out at snd and all but--”

“That’s not what I meant!” Will interjected, horrorstruck.

Jack paused, taking this into consideration. He was beginning to calm now, and his eyes drifted over the humiliated black smith with the first twinkling of complacency. Taking a deep breath, he leaned back lazily on his elbows, still regarding Will with that sinful gleam that usually came before he said something particularly outrageous.

“*You* can’t perform your husbandly duties, so you want *me* to do it, is that it, whelp?” he growled, looking just a little too ready to accept the task at hand.

“No!” Will snarled

“Well then I suggest you tell me precisely what it is you *do* want me to do, because I’m not a mind reader, William,” Jack chided languidly, spreading his spindly hands expressively.

“Can’t you give me a bit of advice? A few words of wisdom? A tip?” Will pleaded urgently as Jack continued to look like he was at a loss.

The pirate suddenly sat up, swinging his legs over the edge of the crate to address the frustrated newly wed, “To be honest, boy, I’ve never had this particular problem. The opposite situation, mayhap, but never… well-- you know,” Jack explained with a smirk as he looked pointedly at Will’s crotch.

Will simply frowned in reply. What a help Jack was being. Anamaria remained blissfully silent in the background, listening intently.

“Perhaps if you told me what happened. Why d’you think this is happening?” the pirate inquired.

Oh god, here it comes, Will thought.

“Every time I lay eyes on her I get-- embarrassed,” Will explained.

“Why’s that?” Jack pressed, his interest visibly piqued.

With a deep breath, Will began to explain with a wince.
___________________________________________________________________________________

When he had finished recounting his wedding night, Jack remained silent, apparently deep in thought. Finally parting his lips to speak, he played idly with the braids of his goatee.

“So she licked the spunk right off your hand, eh? Always knew that girl was a vixen…” he purred, his voice resonating dinsiinside of his flat chest as his dark eyes glazed in fantasy.

“Jack!” Will snapped in outrage.

Jack was startled out of whatever lurid daydream had had him enrapt a moment before.

“Oh, yes, right… hmmm… well, it’s a predicament to be sure,” Jack admitted. “And you’ve never had this trouble before, eh?” he drawled.

Will looked uncertain as he shook his head, “Elizabeth-- was-- *is*… my first time.”

Jack’s eyes widened a bit and he realized he had put his foot in his mouth, “Oh! Ohh…” his gaze traveled from the ground back to Will fleetingly. “You’re still a virgin?” he inquired as though shocked.

“Yes!” Will replied brusquely.

Jack raised his hands defensively not for the first time since the conversation began, “No offense, boy, no offense. Just a surprise is all.”

Will’s brow quirked, “Why?”

“Well, you’re an attractive enough lad--”

“Why *really,* Jack?” Will pressed, rolling his dark eyes.

Jack tried to look offended that the boy didn’t think he was capable of giving a compliment but his pride won out and gave in with a shrug and shameless smile, “Well I was quite accomplished by the time I was thirteen.”

“Thirteen?!” Will echoed, his brows shooting up.

Jack nodded as though it were nothing.

Will tried to imagine what a thirteen year old, overly hormonal Jack Sparrow would have been like and gave up, unable to picture Jack without facial hair.

“Why don’t I ’ave a talk wi’the fille for ye, Will?” Anamaria suddenly queried, startling both men with the reminder that she was still there.

Will turned to the dark beauty with a baffled expression, “I’m not sure I see what good that would do. It doesn’t really have to do with Elizabeth.”

Anamaria’s lips quirked and she gave something of a smirk, “Ye’d be surprised, boy.”

Jack clapped his hands together once and slipped from his seat on the crates.

“That settles it then. Everyone back to the Swann mansion.”

(A/N: Just a warning that in the next chapter, there will be some pretty steamy fem slash and possibly some male/male action as well. For those of you who no likies, I suggest you stop reading now. But who knows? I might convert you ;-) )