The crossover that someone actually asked for

“What was he talking about?” I ask Will and Grace.
“Um, which bit?” Grace answered.
“Well I understood his irritation at Jack. But why was he angry at me?”
“He always gets jealous when people don’t pay attention to him. He was feeling left out because he wasn’t the centre of attention, and when that happens he throws a hissy fit at anyone nearby. I wouldn’t take it personally.”
“Alright, but I would still like to understood what he said. Was I meant to somehow stop Jack flirting and drinking? And why did he call me cabinboy as if it were offensive?”
“Well… I guess he considers it poor form to let your boyfriend do whatever he wants right in front of you. At least when it means that he’s no longer the most entertaining person in the room. And he called you cabinboy because of the costumes, and since its *Captain* Jack over there, that would make you the cabinboy. Again, don’t take it personally, it’s easier to just make fun of the Jack-logic that makes the statements.” Will was trying to be helpful, and was sounding apologetic that his friend made such a scene. While it sounded almost simple, I was starting to understand that everyone here had made certain assumptions about me and Jack.
“My boyfriend?” I asked. “And he thought that I was obsessed with Jack?”
“Course you are!” Jack put his arm around my shoulders and smirked. “Isn’t everybody?”
“Aw, don’t they look cute?” Karen lifted her glass. “Let’s drink!”
As Karen and Jack ambled over to the desk to refill their glasses, I turned back to Will and Grace with shock and outrage.
“I can assure you that I have no interest in Jack besides the fact that he has agreed to help me rescue the woman that I love, who has been kidnapped. He is a drunken pirate! He threatened Elizabeth! He got slapped by just about every woman in Tortuga, and wasn’t even sure if he’d deserved it! His rum is more important to him than his honour, and he was quite content to leave Elizabeth in the clutches of pirates unless I broke him out of gaol. He has no respect for anyone but himself, is extremely arrogant, and somehow manages to believe that the outrageous clothes, hair and eye-makeup will make others respect him despite his actions.”
I pause for a moment, as all of that registers with Will and Grace. Jack and Karen have stopped talking, singing and even drinking, and are looking at me. I start again, this time directed at Jack.
“You are completely insane. And it’s contagious! You somehow manage to make the rest of the world seem insane too. There is no possible way that both of us could have been transported to some future, on the other side of the world, especially not one where there is an endless supply of rum for you, and where people assume that I am part of your debauchery! Is this what you meant when you asked what proper behaviours I was prepared to abandon? I can rest assured that you would not get off with so light a rebuke as a slap. You know I would have killed you last time if you hadn’t cheated, which of course you did because you are a BLOODY PIRATE!”
The rest of the room had gone silent after I finished yelling at Jack, waiting for his reply. Karen took another sip of her drink. Jack slowly walked towards me, looking surprising steady and resolved.
“Yes, I am a pirate. I know this. You know this. The bloody Commodore knows it. I know you have a deep hatred of pirates, and since I assume the only other pirates you’ve are Barbosa’s boys, I savvy. However, you already agreed to sail under my command. That makes me your captain, and that applies even if we don’t know where my ship is. I understand that you are anxious to get your precious Elizabeth back, but yelling my character traits at me is hardly going to help, savvy?”
“And what are you doing to help? Are you intending on drinking until you pass out, in the hope that we’ll wake up back in Tortuga? Now that is a brilliant plan from the great Captain Jack Sparrow. That’s right up there with steal Barbosa’s ship and plunder while he’s killing Elizabeth, which I is about what I expect from you. And don’t even try make me respect you because you call yourself a captain. I agreed to sail under your command because were sailing to save Elizabeth. Since we are a now even farther away from her, and you are not issuing any commands other than ‘drink up me hearties,’ I don’t think it applies.”
“Maybe we should leave?” Will suggested to Grace.
“Yes, you should. This is obviously between them.”
“Karen! This is my office, and we don’t even know them.” Grace was right, of course.
“I’m terribly sorry. We are intruding, and while I’m sure Jack didn’t even notice, we have already caused enough trouble here. Is there a lodging of some kind where we can stay for the moment?”
“Don’t worry, honey, I don’t mind. You can stay and fight all you want.” Karen gestured towards the other two. “They’re not even fun when they get bitchy.”
“Well since we’re not going anywhere then, we have to deal with your insubordination. I do not need to prove to a landlubber lovesick whelp that I am a captain, and a damn fine one at that. I am the only way you are going to get your strumpet back. You need to understand, *mate*, that at the moment, she is dead. Once we are finished here, we will find ourselves back in Tortuga, where she is alive and awaiting her gallant rescue. Now, however, we are finding where you belong. My plan for getting us back was to wait for you to figure that out, since that is all that stands between us and us being finished here. If you really want to get back, start taking a good look inside, coming to terms with your pirate blood, and getting used to the fact that all those rich folks up on the hill in Port Royal don’t want you, even if one lass on it decides she does. You sound quite adamant that you don’t belong with me, so I suggest that you decide on somewhere else that you could be welcome, savvy?”
Jack sounded almost bitter, and he turned away, sat down at Karen’s desk and nursed his drink. Karen refilled her glass.
“So you’ve already…” I gesture towards Will tentatively. “And Jack?”
“The great Captain Jack Sparrow managed.” Definitely bitter. “He pulled out the empty vial, waved it at me, then returned it to wherever in his clothes he had hidden it before. As he pulled his shirt aside, I caught sight of another tattoo on his tanned chest.
“You’ve already what?” Grace sounded quite shrill. “What did you do?”
“Don’t know really. Was just told that once the two people in the pictures drank this and my Will had figured out a few things, we’d go back home. I have no idea what it does, but I’m fairly sure it won’t hurt too much. He likes to play with people who interest him, but he’s no murderer.”
“Who isn’t? Who told you?” Will was looking decidedly worried. More people whose lives have been disrupted by pirates, whether evil or just drunk and interfering. I want to reassure them, but since I don’t know if it is going to be all alright, and have no idea what’s going on, I don’t really have anything to say.
“He’s a magician, owns a shop in Tortuga. He decided it, and we ended up here. I’ve had dealings with him before. He usually becomes interested in you if you are at a crossroads in your life. I’d just lost my ship when my first mate mutinied. Was filled with revenge, anger and a deep sense of rejection. He plays his little games that make you feel like a bloody puppet, then once you’re all done, you continue with your life without worrying too much bout whatever was troubling you. Since he’s interested in both of ye, tis something that one of you needs to help the other deal with, or mayhap be something that is troubling the both of ye.
“Well there’s nothing troubling us! We’re just fine, so get out and don’t slip me any magitiontions!” Will’s voice had an edge of hysteria to it, and Grace noticed.
“Will? Is everything ok?”
The voice from the corner by the elevator startled us all.
“No, it’s not.” Jack had returned, and no longer looked angry. “Will… You remember now, don’t you?”
“No, I don’t know what you’re talking about. I don’t remember anything. We need to kick them out so I can get back to work. I have more important things to do than stand here watching the costumed lover’s tiff, or listening to you rambling about something that I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Will?”
Jack ignored Grace, and walked up to Will. Holding his hands and looking into his eyes, he said, “It’s alright to admit it. It all came back to me while I was walking. We…”
“Yeah, we did. I don’t know how to feel about that.” Will admitted.
“You what? You didn’t!” Will looked at Grace, and answered her.
“We woke up together on the boat, and couldn’t remember what happened. We kinda just tried to forget it ever happened, and since we weren’t sure if anything had, it wasn’t that hard. But… I guess we both just remembered.”
“Just remembered?” my Jack snorted. “This is what you need to figure out. You shoulda just told me you’d shagged, and it would’ve all made sense.”
“This makes sense to you?” I can’t help but mutter. He glances at me, then returns his attention to Will and Jack.
“This is simple. Accept each other, or find yeselves someone else. You got it easy – I had to fight through an army of penguins before I figured out I’d die for the Pearl.”
“Penguins?” I ask.
“Aye, penguins. Very sharp beaks, good swimmers. Make good pets once you’ve fed them.”
Everyone blinked and looked at Jack as if he were insane. Since he is insane, I think he deserved it.
“And… back to me.” The other Jack broke the silence. “Will, this is important. I don’t want to try to deny it ever happened.”
“So where does that leave us?”
They disappeared instantly. Grace screamed, Karen and Jack took another gulp, and I’m even more confused.
“What just happened? Where are they?” Grace looks around wildly.
“Honey, who cares? Can you believe they finally slept together?”
“Karen! I care! They just disappeared!”
“I wouldn’t worry too much” Jack intervened, “I’m sure he’ll send them back here eventually.”
“Puh-leeze! It took them years to sleep together. Who knows how long it’ll take them to deal with that?”
“Honey, sit down and start breathing. Your face is not meant to match your hair.”
“It doesn’t work like that. He puts people back where he found them, and is usually pretty close with the when too.”
Will and Jack land on the floor on top of each other, with clothes in disarray.
“… And there they are.” Jack puts his feet up on Karen’s desk, finishes his drink and looks pleased with himself.
Will and Jack sit up slowly, look around them and try to put their clothes back on properly.
“Congratulations then! I love happy endings. Drinks all round!” Everyone ignores Jack as Grace rushes over to Will.
“Will! Are you alright? What happened? Where did you go?”
“A beach somewhere a hell of a lot warmer and more private than here. Will, can we take a holiday?” Jack answered.
“So you’re…” Grace tried to think of a way to ask.
“When there’s nothing else to distract you, its fairly hard to ignore each other. And I guess I stopped wanting to.”
“Why didn’t he send us to a bloody beach? A few less distractions would have been quite useful.” My Jack muttered to himself.
Will looked at my Jack. “You don’t want to be here simply as his guide, do you?”
Jack looked momentarily startled, then answered, “He’s a lot like his father. Good man, very loyal. Shoulda been him I made first mate, but I didn’t think the crew would accept someone they didn’t know. I owe his father a favour or few, which he isn’t likely to be able to collect now. Once Will gets over his outrage at pirates he’ll make a good first mate. So yes, I don’t want to guide him to his path and then watch him wander off on it. I want him on my ship.”
“Why? I’m not a pirate, and I don’t think I could be one without feeling ashamed at what I was doing. I can fight, but I fight fair and that includes not attacking people for no reason.”
“They don’t have to fight back. We board, we take what we want, and we defend ourselves if they object.”
“Jack. I want to know - why me?”
He hesitated, and the awkward silence was broken by the other Jack.
“Well it’s certainly not for your intuition. Why are the pretty ones always so dense? Other than yours truly, of course.”
“No! That’s not the way it works. Everyone wants the captivating captain, and he wants to stay a pirate and plunder the Tortuga whores. That’s how it happens. We did not end up here, coping with all this insanity, because he wants *me*.”
“Then why are we here, Will? How did you get from fighting me for including your lass in me escape plan to here?” Jack is back in control, inches from my face.
“I don’t know! None of this makes any sense!” I yell back at him, bringing us even closer.
“You don’t even have the foggiest sense of what comes next?” That infuriating smirk is out in full force.
“No, by all means, captain, why don’t you show me?” I was trying to sound sarcastic, and I’m fairly sure I was planning on insulting him more, but it didn’t quite work out that way. His mouth descended on mine, his hands grasping at me. The infuriation I had felt changed into something else, and I found myself kissing him back passionately. It felt like the fight, the arguments, everything since I’d met him had been building up to this moment, this one inexplicably perfect moment. The sensation of his lips on mine, his tongue, his hands, that silly bone in his hair brushing against my ear, the taste of him. The scent of salt and rum that fit him so perfectly seemed to become stronger, overpowering, and I broke away from him gasping for air. He looked both startled and happy, and glanced around him.
“We’re back! Tortuga!” He seemed absolutely overjoyed.
“I-uh, suppose so.” Which city we were in seemed less important than whether we were likely to be arrested if we kept doing that. Tortuga or the Americas, just as long as we weren’t going to be interrupted.
“But that means we found your path! You figured out your place is with me!”
“I-uh, suppose I did.” He grinned and kissed me again. It felt so exhilarating, being with Jack, and knowing that it was where I belonged now.