The Weakness in Me

Chap 3: A lover who loves me…

Elizabeth drew her curtains aside, closing her eyes and leaning into the warm sunlight. She enjoyed the fact that those curtains shut out the sun so completely, but sometimes it was nice to open them and just enjoy that delicious heat. She blindly reached for the window and pushed it open, leaning out to get fresh air. The smell of the sea was everywhere in Port Royal. Sometimes it was a nice air of salt. Today it was particularly fishy. She sighed and opened her eyes. It was probably a market day and the wind was bringing that wretched smell up to her window. The street was fairly abandoned, except for two figures leaning into each other against the wall of the building across the street. Because of the glint of the sun in her eyes, she couldn’t quite make them out… but she could tell they were caught in an act of passion. Her neighbors could be such bores about public displays. Then again, she had had her curtains open last night. She was certain it was too late in the evening for her to have been caught engaging in such a public display.

She raised her hand to shield the sun from her eyes so she could get a better look at the two to give them a piece of her mind later on about fornicating in the streets. A cold, sinking feeling developed in her stomach as her eyes focused on the two men below. They were both familiar. One was too familiar. She closed her eyes and slammed the window shut, turning away to look around her room. Nothing of Will’s was in evidence, as usual. The paranoia she had felt the previous night about him just taking his clothes and leaving rose again and she raced over to their dresser. She ripped the drawers open, pulling his clothes out, frantically counting and accounting for. She tried to calm herself down, realizing that she was just trying to reassure herself that he wasn’t disappearing.

No, he wasn’t disappearing. He was just moving in a sinuously, sexual way against that damned pirate in the street just outside her window. She would be damned if… she would be… she couldn’t decide what to do. All she could do was count his clothes and stew in her anger. What would she say to him about it? What would she do to Jack if she were to see him, aside from bash him over the head with the heaviest object she could lift? She did her best to arrange the clothes as they had been before she started tearing at them, although she frankly didn’t care if her husband found out she had flown at them in a fit of paranoia. Maybe it would even be better if he found out… so she could bludgeon him, too.

It came as no surprise to her that Will was attracted to the pirate. What surprised her was that he would actually act on that attraction while married to her. She did not particularly care about what he may or may not have done with the scoundrel prior to their engagement, but this was just down right vicious of him. Not to mention uncharacteristic. He had once said something to her about kissing Jack in an alleyway, but that he had felt terrible afterwards because he was so worried about her and it seemed so… odd. How could he then turn around and repeat the action, whilst married to her, in front of their bedroom window?

She grabbed her hairbrush and started to brush her hair, taking her frustration out on the tangles that had developed the night before.

*~*

Will had come out of his front door at the usual time to find Jack waiting for him, leaning against the wall on the opposite side of the street. He had stridden over, intending to yell at the man to leave him alone. Before he could even get the words out, Jack had pulled him against the wall, filling his mouth with the taste of stale rum and apples. Will resisted, saying things along the lines of ‘Elizabeth will see’ and ‘this can’t happen’… but the resistance didn’t last long. It couldn’t last long. Jack’s lips were warm and demanding, his hands delivering fluttering caresses. Will’s body wasn’t protesting to the contact. Indeed, his mind wasn’t putting up the fight he thought it would, either. The night before, as he felt Elizabeth’s lips on his body, her hands caressing his skin… he had thought of the small man who was eagerly kissing him now. Jack’s hand slid down his stomach, toying with his britches.

“No, no… not now… Elizabeth will—“ Will started, and the sound of a window slamming made him cringe. The peculiar creak about it before it made that final percussion against its frame was familiar. It was Elizabeth’s habit to get some sun and open the window if the weather was permitting. He pulled away from Jack, looking up at the window and adjusting his britches to hide his excitement from anyone else that might be watching. There was no sign of Elizabeth in the window but the curtains were open.

“Dammit, Jack.”

“I’m sorry, lad… I couldn’t help myself. I’m also sorry about all that I said about her yesterday, leaving you and all. I came by here last night and—“

Will turned on him, pushing him against the wall by his shoulders, “Sorry isn’t enough. Especially about that. Not now. Not when I have to come home this evening and explain to my wife why I was kissing an old rat like you outside of our window.”

He pushed Jack again, harder into the wall, displeased with the fact that the pirate wouldn’t react to the pain he wanted to inflict. Really he wanted to slam himself against the wall, beat his head in for being so careless and idiotic about his choices. He could have pulled away from Jack instead of grinding his hips against him. He could have not crossed the street. He could have burned the letter. He could have pushed the man off of him on the Interceptor. He could have not kissed his throat in the alley. There were so many things he could have chosen not to do. So many decisions that could have been made differently. He fought against the thoughts that followed. He could have let Elizabeth die. He could have let her marry Norrington. He could have returned the favor to Jack on the Interceptor. He could have stayed with Jack, gone with him on the Pearl. He could give into his body and what it wanted from the pirate. But… love was important, right? He knew he loved Elizabeth. He had loved her since he had first seen her. Did he love Jack?

Will pulled away from the pirate and hurried down the street. He was late to the shop and Jacob would be getting nervous by now. Will was never late.

Jack watched as Will walked away from him before relaxing. The back of his head and his shoulders ached from being slammed against the hard stone wall. He frowned and reached back to feel the slightly damp spot on the back of his head, turning to look at the stone behind him. There was a small spot of blood on the gray surface, a bit more on his fingers. The scalp bled too easily. The wound didn’t hurt terribly… but the anger in Will’s eyes did. He looked up at the Turner bedroom window and spotted the vague form of Elizabeth, hurrying around the bedroom. He had no doubts that she had witnessed the thoughtless display of passion. There was no use trying to justify it. It was a stupid thoughtless act that probably got Will in deeper trouble with his wife than it was worth.

Maybe it was best that he just leave before he interfered with their life too much. His longing for good old-fashioned Turner companionship could be solved. He could take his memories of his friends and leave them at that. He had had to do that with his family. He knew he was capable of it. It was just a matter of desire.

The window creaked open again and he found himself looking up at Elizabeth. Her face was cold, almost calculating. She was a strong woman and that look almost scared him. Almost.

“Well, if it isn’t the scoundrel himself. Still outside my window.”

“Aye, hello, Mrs. Turner.” There was nothing else to say.

“I would invite you in for tea, but under the present circumstances, I don’t see it fit to have such rubbish at my table. You might corrupt my good china.”

“I’m not much for tea in the morning.”

“No, I suppose it would be that vile drink. Rum. The key to all of Captain Sparrow’s tasteless adventures.”

“Aye…”

“I think I hate you, Jack.”

“I think you’re justified in it,” Jack replied and turned to leave. He didn’t want to continue the conversation. He didn’t know what to say. His original intention had been to retrieve Will. He would visit them, make Will realize that Elizabeth couldn’t really care for him… but none of it worked out. They did love each other, and Will was very resistant to the idea of setting sail with him.

“Wait, Jack!” he stopped when Elizabeth yelled from the window, waiting for her to continue. When she said nothing, he turned and tipped his hat. Then, he went on his way. There was nothing for him in this. Not anymore.

Elizabeth watched him leave, trying to say something. She wanted him to come back. She wanted to talk to him about what she’d seen, so she could understand it better. She wanted to get her anger out on Jack so that Will wouldn’t have to bear the brunt of it when he got home. Watching the pirate become smaller and smaller she leaned against the window and let herself cry. This just wasn’t right. Nothing was working out how it should.

*~*

By the time Will got home, Elizabeth still had not found words for what she wanted to say. She sat across from him at their overly large dinning table, watching him shove forkfuls of fish into his mouth. Her own appetite left something to be desired. She didn’t feel like eating the dour fish that was laying across her plate, nor the potatoes that accompanied it in great white clumps. The smell was sickening and it was bringing back memories of this morning. Elizabeth didn’t particularly want to deal with it just now. It could wait. It could wait a long time.

The silence between them was maddening.

Will looked up at her, chewing in a slow and measured way that she usually adored. It made him seem so strong. Now, it just annoyed her because it looked like he was trying to think of excuses and explanations. He swallowed, an irritating gulp, followed by more as he drank from his water glass.

“I hurt him.”

“What?” she set down her fork. This was completely unexpected, “Why?”

“I know you saw. I know. I… I got so mad at myself, and so mad at him. I jammed him against the wall. I know he got cut on it. I saw the blood when I was coming home,” Will wasn’t looking at her. He was looking down at his plate, his thoughts hidden from her in his closed face. Had he enjoyed this brutalization? Was he regretting it?

“I… yes, and I was angry. I wanted to hurt you both.”

Will nodded to himself and continued, “I didn’t want it. I want you to know that. He’s just… being so determined. So unlike himself, if that makes any sense at all. He always seemed like he cared about others, but he’s being selfish. I suppose I am, too. I know I could have chosen to do things differently. I could have…”

“Unfortunately we can’t go back and make decisions again, for what we think we want in this moment,” Elizabeth reached across the table and grasped his hand, “no matter how much we would care to.”

“He thinks you’re going to leave me.”

“He doesn’t know me that well, then.”

They sat in silence, Elizabeth petting his hand in an attempt to comfort him. She placed her anger aside for the moment. It was clear to her that he was torturing himself over his actions and that was satisfying enough to her at the moment. When he seemed calmer she would tell him exactly what she thought of the exchange. Will shook his head and she looked into his face. His deep, brown eyes seemed all the deeper for the fact that they were glistening with tears. Whether those tears were for her or Jack, she couldn’t tell.

“I love you, Will,” she said softly, reaching to cup his cheek. He shook his head and pulled away, leaving her at the table with the fish. She could barely hear him mumble ‘I love you too’ as he left the room.