PotC MST

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Another fic from Tali. If anyone is interested in writing a badfic to be MSTed feel free to email me at AlienEeeter@yahoo.com

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“What did you do?” Their host had just reappeared in an elaborate ball gown circa 1987, and was surveying the room.

“I’m not drinking cold rum,” Jack replied, sitting on the floor in the center of the rum bottles. “And I got bored.” The fifty or so bottles splayed out around him, creating a sun pattern.

“So you consider yourself the center of the solar system?”

“Of the universe.”

“You have to do something about these conditions!” Elizabeth protested. “Will and I can’t make out on the couch if Norrington wants to sit on it!”

“Aren’t you tired of doing that yet?” The former commodore asked.

Elizabeth shot him her most dazzling smile. “It keeps me busy.”

“Well some people find it painful to watch.”

“Here here!” Jack said from the center of the universe.

“Just proving to you two that I’m not gay.” Will insisted.

“He pays far too much attention to my arse,” Elizabeth informed them.

“You have to admit, she looks pretty convincing in drag,” The devil-woman said thoughtfully. “Speaking of, I have a new story for you.” She started to hand the papers she had brought with her to Will.

“I’ll read it,” Jack said. “Turner’s too emotional for this sort of thing.” He carefully stepping out of his sun, taking the papers and stepping back.

“Have fun, Kiddies.” And the woman was gone. Jack, secure in the sea of rum bottles, began to read:

>>>>>Title: Pirates of the Carabean: I Heart the Commadore

NORRINGTON: Dear Lord, no.

>>>>>Author: ~Tali

WILL: The same author as last time? I don’t want to listen.

ELIZABETH: But look! It appears to be about the commodore, not you.

>>>>Rating: R/NC-17
WARNING: SLASH
Disclaimer: I do not own the charecters, the Carabean, or any pirates.
Feedback: Please!! *bounces like a crack monkey* Please forgive me... Its mostly crack fic... not so much bad fic... you can understand.

JACK: No, actually, we don’t understand.

>>>>>Commadore Norington stood proud and tall. His chest puffed out his wig slightly askew watching the bustly harbor town below him. He was a man. He was a proud manly sort of man...

ELIZABETH: More of a man than anyone else in this room anyway.

JACK: Except maybe you.

ELIZABETH: Well, maybe me.

>>>>>except when he was whining nad pleading with Elizabeth to marry him... accept him... love him. No when she was around he was kind of a pussy.

JACK: Pity that didn’t work out for you.

NORRINGTON: Shut up.

>>>>But this story is not really about our beautiful sexy amazingly gentelmanly Commadore, its about the boy, child really looking up at him from the sewers.

JACK: New character?

>>>>>far below the Commadore's balconey was an angelic faced fire rat. William Turner was a babe really,

WILL: Not me again!

NORRINGTON: Is this implying that I’m *old?*

ELIZABETH: Well, you and Jack are both like, 15 years older than Will and I. Practically middle aged. I’m surprised neither of you are going grey, honestly.

JACK: Captain Jack Sparrow is *not* middle aged!

>>>>>not nearly the man our dear sweet Commadore was. He was a dirty baby though, a filthy little slut who's only goal in his entire life was to catch the eye of our beautiful Commedor.

JACK: I like this story.

WILL: It’s horrible.

NORRINGTON: Stop being such a girl.

>>>>>So he stood below the balcony and watched the commadore while beating off like a monkey in a zoo with out a care for those genteel whores around who didn't want to see such a display.

ELIZABETH: Quite a randy little fellow, aren’t we Will?

JACK: You would know.

WILL: Hey. She’s the one who pounces *me.*

NORRINGTON: I guess we know who the bitch is in this relationship.

>>>>>"AH HA!" He yelled as he splattered stickey whiteness all over the side of the Handsome and Brave Commedore's home.

ELIZABETH: Ew.

>>>>>He'd had an idea. Running toward the Goveners mansion he stopped and tucked himself away,

JACK: Not much to tuck, I’m sure.

WILL: I hate you.

>>>>because he'd forgotten... he was a pretty boy, but not a very smart one, even at 24 or something like that.

ELIZABETH: You are fond of going off and doing stupid things.

WILL: To save your neck.

ELIZABETH: Not that I ever asked you to.

>>>>>Sneaking into Elizabeth's room he sneered at the sleeping woman. If he thought it would win him the heart of his Beloved Commedore he would kill her right there, chop her ugly head off or something.

ELIZABETH: Will! How could you?

WILL: It’s not me! I didn’t write this bloody thing. It’s more something that would come out of Jack’s mind.

JACK: Not my mind. My mind would have more bondage in it.

>>>>>Instead he stole her favorite dress.

ELIZABETH: (looking smug) Who’s in drag now?

WILL: (grumbles something unintelligible)

>>>>>The dress was stunning, all white with tiny purple flowers, and a corsset tight enough to give even Elizabeth cleavage there for it made Will look like he was packing a full C cup.

ELIZABETH: That’s it! I’ve had enough of people complaining about my body. If I had more ‘cushioning’ as you boys so called it, I wouldn’t be able to dress and live the way I wanted to.

JACK: Just come out and say it. You wish you were a man.

>>>>>After putting on his newly stolen dress, silk stalking and dainty slippers he styled his curls into a lovely look shaved as close as he could and went to Commedore's house.

ELIZABETH: Well arent you pretty Will! This is something we should try when we get home.

WILL: No.

>>>>>Knocking he waited for an answer. When the Commedore opened the door he was shocked and disgusted at what he saw.

NORRINGTON: Thank god, I’m in character.

>>>>>"WILL!? What are you doing? Why are you in Elizabeth's dress?" He nearly threw up all over the lovely fabric. He would have to make sure she burned that dress, because he would always see Will when ever she wore it.

JACK: Nightmares. Horrible Nightmares.

>>>>>"I have come for you my love. I want to be with you always. Marry me... take me from this horrible place. Make me your wife!" He whispered his still soft and femine voice flowed from his mouth.

WILL: (burying his head in his hands) Make it stop. Please make it stop.

>>>>>>"EEWWWW!!!" Norrington shuddered. "YOU"RE SICK! YOU NEED TO BE LOCKED UP! GO away!" He slammed the door and shook his head. "Boys these days... get up to such madness."

NORRINGTON: I go from ‘You’re sick’ to ‘boys these days’?

ELIZABETH: Bad writing.

NORINGTON: An understatement to be sure.

WILL: Is that all you’re worried about?

NORRINGTON: Well, as long as I’m not buggering you.

WILL: Maybe I’m doing the buggering…

NORRINGTON: You’re in a dress.

>>>>>He sighed as he started up the stairs and into his bedroom. Taking hsi robe off to reveal his well tanned, perfectly muscled, and very well endowed body.

ELIZABETH: (staring at Norrington) Take off your shirt.

NORRINGTON: What? No! It’s hardly proper.

ELIZABETH: What do you care about proper, at this point in your life? C’mon, take it off.

WILL: Elizabeth!

ELIZABETH: I just want to know what I’m missing.

>>>>>"Whas tha' Lurv?" Jack Sparrow smirked legs akimbo and fully naked on the bed in our handsome Commedore's bed.

ELIZABETH: More bad writing. Redundancy.

NORRINGTON: Lets not focus on the writing and be more concerned with the pirate that suddenly appeared in my bed.

JACK: I’m on top.

NORRINGTON: In your dreams.

JACK: My wildest and my wettest.

WILL: Excuse me! And you’re concerned with my intentions!

JACK: The difference is, James and I, being older and wiser, are comfortable enough with ourselves to make these jokes. You on the other hand, are young and self-conscious, and feel the need to prove yourself.

>>>>>(After a thorough bath of course)

Jack tossed down the papers in disgust, nearly upsetting one of his rum bottles. “What exactly is everyone’s problem with my hygiene?”

“Well,” Elizabeth told him, “There is a reason you’re way over there and we’re all over here.”

“I hate you all.”