Secret Boxes
folder
1 through F › Brokeback Mountain
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
7
Views:
1,955
Reviews:
0
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
1 through F › Brokeback Mountain
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
7
Views:
1,955
Reviews:
0
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Brokeback Mountain, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Chapter 3
Back at Ennis’ house Jack wasn’t fairing as well. He had drunk half the bottle of Whiskey, gone through two packs of cigarettes and had got up and paced so much he was close to wearing a deep grove in the soft earth. The more he sat there the angrier he was getting. Three times he nearly gave up and left. He had been real close once, even got in his truck and driven off. It was only the thought of what awaited him back in Texas that stopped him and made him drive back down that driveway.
Today was the day he was going to give his ultimatum to Ennis del Mar. Either they live together or never see each other again. However much it was killing him to think of never seeing Ennis again, the pain he felt each and every time they parted was becoming unbearable. He was tired of all the lies, and secrets. Tired of all these long trips once or twice a year into the ass-end of nowhere. Always hiding and skulking around. Dining on the scraps that Ennis threw his way. It wasn’t like he didn’t understand why Ennis was fearful. The tale of Earl and Rich haunted him too. But, he also knew he was willing to risk death to be with Ennis all the time. He was willing to do anything to be with Ennis. It was Ennis who was unwilling to do anything for Jack. Was unwilling to take any risks, or make any big decisions. To Jack, it was beginning to feel that Ennis was just being a coward who was using him, holding on tight to a leash round his neck. One little tug and Jack came running. He was tired of being the puppet. For once, he was going to be pulling the strings.
*******
It was getting dark when Ennis dropped Junior and Jenny off. Jenny had fallen asleep in the truck on the way home. Being full of food and ice-cream plus the lull of driving sent her to sleep almost as soon as the truck had started moving. When Ennis pulled up outside Alma’s apartment Junior spoke again. Though Ennis didn’t know it at the time, it would be a conversation that would change his life, forever.
*******
Goddamnit Ennis…where the fuck are you? Get yer ass back here now…I wanna get this done…I wanna sort this shit out now
*******
“Daddy?” Junior said, hesitantly. She had a feeling this conversation was going to be tough and she was a little scared of her daddy’s reaction
“Yeh?”
“How long ya known Jack?”
“Why ya askin’?”
Please…not again…
“I ain’t never met any of yer friends afore…jist interested”
‘cause I ain’t never had any friends except him
“I met him in ’63. We worked together herding sheep on the mountains”
“Wow…ya known him”…she quickly did the maths in her head “…12 years! That’s a long time!”
“Yeh it is”
“Ya must know him pretty well”
“Yeh I guess”
“He must be a real good friend”
“Yeh…he is”
Or was...
“Daddy. Ya know I love ya right? No matter whut. Yer my daddy and I’ll always love ya”
“Junior? Whuts wrong?”
“Daddy…please don’t be angry with me.”
“Junior? Please tell me, whut's wrong? I won’t get angry with ya. I love ya too, no matter whut.”
“I want ya to be happy daddy. That’s all I want fer ya.”
“Junior…?”
*******
Fuck…don’t know if I can do this now. Once or twice a year is better than nothin’ ain’t it? No! It fuckin’ ain’t Jack…be strong…remember…ya tired of being his secret…tired of being his puppet…gotta take a stand, like a man. Yer tired of bein’ wrapped round Ennis del Mar’s little finger. Be strong. Remember how it feels every time he drives away from ya…every time he turns his back and walks away. It’s always Ennis that walks away first…you always wanna stay longer, stay forever. Ennis jist wants to get away from ya. Well, he ain’t walkin’ away from me again. It’s my fuckin’ turn…see how he likes it. But whut if he says ‘fine…nice knowin’ ya’ and ends it? Whut if he don’t change his mind and I never see ‘im again? Shit, shit, shit…be strong Jack…ya can do this
*******
“Daddy…ya should go see Jack and say sorry.”
“Whut ya talkin’ ‘bout?”
“Daddy, when Jack came and said hi to us he looked so happy, like he’d heard the best news, but when he left he looked so upset. Ya musta said somethin’ to upset him, and ya know ya did, ‘cause you looked so sad too. I know I don’t know whut happened, and I know I shouldn’t be sayin’ this, but I don’t like to see ya so sad daddy.”
“No ya shouldn’t be sayin’ it”
“Ya always told me that if I’d done somethin’ wrong or bad I should admit it and say sorry. Do what I could to make it right. Maybe ya should too. Don’t ya feel bad that ya upset ya best friend?”
“Junior…please…” Ennis pleaded. He wanted this to stop. It was all so painful, so hard to handle and yet so completely true.
“Daddy…ya best friend drove away so upset. I heard the door slam from inside the truck and he drove out so fast. Whut if he’s so upset he has an accident or somethin’? Don’t ya wanna make up with him?
“Yes…” Ennis whispered
“Ya always told us that it takes a big, strong person to admit when they done somethin’ wrong. Ya big and strong Daddy. Ya ain’t scared of nothin’. Don’t be scared to admit ya was wrong.”
“I’m scared…”
“Whut of daddy? Please tell me”
“Of losin’ ‘im.” He said quietly.
He couldn’t believe he’d just said that to his daughter. But, he was tired of lying, of pretending, of having all these feelings inside him and never letting them free. Seeing Jack today, seeing how hopeful he looked when he arrived, how excited, he was practically bursting with it. But the look he gave Ennis when he turned him away was eating away at his soul, his heart, his mind. He was sick of making Jack look like that. Sick of hurting him. He was scared that maybe Jack would be sick of it too and would leave him for good. Never want to see him again. He couldn’t handle that, it would destroy him. Apart from his girls, the thought of seeing Jack, even just once of twice a year was the only thing that kept him going. The only thing that stopped him from just putting his gun to his head and pulling the trigger.
“Whut d’ya mean daddy?” Junior was confused. She didn’t understand what her daddy meant about that. She looked at him, hoping he would tell her. She wasn’t disappointed
“I hurt him real bad today. So bad, he may not want to see me again”
“Whut did ya do?”
“There’s somethin’ he’s always wanted from me Junior. Somethin’ he’s wanted fer a long time, since ‘67 and I’d always said no, but he always had hope I would give it to him. He came here today, because he thought that finally I was givin’ him what he wanted. That was why he looked so excited and happy. But, I said no again and I think he’s real upset that I made him get his hopes up fer nothin’.”
“Whut was it?”
“Whut was whut?”
“Whut was it he wanted from ya daddy? Why don’t ya jist give it to him?”
“It’s…complicated. I would love to jist give it to him, but I cain’t.”
“Daddy, if ya want to give Jack whut he wants, then jist give it to him. It don’t seem real hard or complicated”
“It’d be dangerous to give it to him darlin’”
“Dangerous? Whut is it a gun or somethin’?”
“Somethin’ like that”
“But, he’s a grown man, he can handle a gun cain’t he? I’m sure he could. If he wants it so bad, he must be willin’ to risk it. I’m sure he’d be real careful with it. You afraid he’s gonna break it?”
“No…not break it. Afraid he’ll end up hurt and it would be my fault fer givin’ it to ‘im”
“That’s silly daddy. If he wants it real bad, like he seems ta, he might jist go out and get himself a different one. Wouldn’t ya rather he has yers seein’ as how it’s yers he really wants?”
Those words, masked though they were, hit Ennis hard.
Whut if Jack wants it so bad, he gives up on me and goes to get it from someone else? Whut if left today to never come back and finds another man to live with, someone who is willin’ to be with him all the time, someone who would tell him he loved him, someone who told him how he felt, someone who didn’t keep their feelin’s all bottled up? At least if he’s with you, you’ll be happy, so will he and you could be careful enough fer both of you. If he takes up with someone else, ya’ll never know how he is, whut he’s doin’. Ya’d never know if somethin’ bad happened to him, wouldn’t be able to help him, to save him
A tear escaped his eyes as he thought of losing Jack, which he made no move to wipe away. He just let it slowly trickle down his cheek
“Oh daddy, don’t cry. I didn’t mean to upset ya. I’m sorry daddy” Junior said, tears threatening to escape her own eyes, Ennis didn’t say a word, just let Junior words seep into him, fill him, warm him, complete him.
“Thank ya Darlin’”
“Whut fer?”
“Fer makin’ me see sense. I’m gonna go and sort this all out with Jack”
“I’m glad daddy. Don’t like to see ya so upset. You gonna give Jack whut he wants?”
“Well Junior, I’ve got somethin’ ta tell ya ‘bout that…”
Today was the day he was going to give his ultimatum to Ennis del Mar. Either they live together or never see each other again. However much it was killing him to think of never seeing Ennis again, the pain he felt each and every time they parted was becoming unbearable. He was tired of all the lies, and secrets. Tired of all these long trips once or twice a year into the ass-end of nowhere. Always hiding and skulking around. Dining on the scraps that Ennis threw his way. It wasn’t like he didn’t understand why Ennis was fearful. The tale of Earl and Rich haunted him too. But, he also knew he was willing to risk death to be with Ennis all the time. He was willing to do anything to be with Ennis. It was Ennis who was unwilling to do anything for Jack. Was unwilling to take any risks, or make any big decisions. To Jack, it was beginning to feel that Ennis was just being a coward who was using him, holding on tight to a leash round his neck. One little tug and Jack came running. He was tired of being the puppet. For once, he was going to be pulling the strings.
*******
It was getting dark when Ennis dropped Junior and Jenny off. Jenny had fallen asleep in the truck on the way home. Being full of food and ice-cream plus the lull of driving sent her to sleep almost as soon as the truck had started moving. When Ennis pulled up outside Alma’s apartment Junior spoke again. Though Ennis didn’t know it at the time, it would be a conversation that would change his life, forever.
*******
Goddamnit Ennis…where the fuck are you? Get yer ass back here now…I wanna get this done…I wanna sort this shit out now
*******
“Daddy?” Junior said, hesitantly. She had a feeling this conversation was going to be tough and she was a little scared of her daddy’s reaction
“Yeh?”
“How long ya known Jack?”
“Why ya askin’?”
Please…not again…
“I ain’t never met any of yer friends afore…jist interested”
‘cause I ain’t never had any friends except him
“I met him in ’63. We worked together herding sheep on the mountains”
“Wow…ya known him”…she quickly did the maths in her head “…12 years! That’s a long time!”
“Yeh it is”
“Ya must know him pretty well”
“Yeh I guess”
“He must be a real good friend”
“Yeh…he is”
Or was...
“Daddy. Ya know I love ya right? No matter whut. Yer my daddy and I’ll always love ya”
“Junior? Whuts wrong?”
“Daddy…please don’t be angry with me.”
“Junior? Please tell me, whut's wrong? I won’t get angry with ya. I love ya too, no matter whut.”
“I want ya to be happy daddy. That’s all I want fer ya.”
“Junior…?”
*******
Fuck…don’t know if I can do this now. Once or twice a year is better than nothin’ ain’t it? No! It fuckin’ ain’t Jack…be strong…remember…ya tired of being his secret…tired of being his puppet…gotta take a stand, like a man. Yer tired of bein’ wrapped round Ennis del Mar’s little finger. Be strong. Remember how it feels every time he drives away from ya…every time he turns his back and walks away. It’s always Ennis that walks away first…you always wanna stay longer, stay forever. Ennis jist wants to get away from ya. Well, he ain’t walkin’ away from me again. It’s my fuckin’ turn…see how he likes it. But whut if he says ‘fine…nice knowin’ ya’ and ends it? Whut if he don’t change his mind and I never see ‘im again? Shit, shit, shit…be strong Jack…ya can do this
*******
“Daddy…ya should go see Jack and say sorry.”
“Whut ya talkin’ ‘bout?”
“Daddy, when Jack came and said hi to us he looked so happy, like he’d heard the best news, but when he left he looked so upset. Ya musta said somethin’ to upset him, and ya know ya did, ‘cause you looked so sad too. I know I don’t know whut happened, and I know I shouldn’t be sayin’ this, but I don’t like to see ya so sad daddy.”
“No ya shouldn’t be sayin’ it”
“Ya always told me that if I’d done somethin’ wrong or bad I should admit it and say sorry. Do what I could to make it right. Maybe ya should too. Don’t ya feel bad that ya upset ya best friend?”
“Junior…please…” Ennis pleaded. He wanted this to stop. It was all so painful, so hard to handle and yet so completely true.
“Daddy…ya best friend drove away so upset. I heard the door slam from inside the truck and he drove out so fast. Whut if he’s so upset he has an accident or somethin’? Don’t ya wanna make up with him?
“Yes…” Ennis whispered
“Ya always told us that it takes a big, strong person to admit when they done somethin’ wrong. Ya big and strong Daddy. Ya ain’t scared of nothin’. Don’t be scared to admit ya was wrong.”
“I’m scared…”
“Whut of daddy? Please tell me”
“Of losin’ ‘im.” He said quietly.
He couldn’t believe he’d just said that to his daughter. But, he was tired of lying, of pretending, of having all these feelings inside him and never letting them free. Seeing Jack today, seeing how hopeful he looked when he arrived, how excited, he was practically bursting with it. But the look he gave Ennis when he turned him away was eating away at his soul, his heart, his mind. He was sick of making Jack look like that. Sick of hurting him. He was scared that maybe Jack would be sick of it too and would leave him for good. Never want to see him again. He couldn’t handle that, it would destroy him. Apart from his girls, the thought of seeing Jack, even just once of twice a year was the only thing that kept him going. The only thing that stopped him from just putting his gun to his head and pulling the trigger.
“Whut d’ya mean daddy?” Junior was confused. She didn’t understand what her daddy meant about that. She looked at him, hoping he would tell her. She wasn’t disappointed
“I hurt him real bad today. So bad, he may not want to see me again”
“Whut did ya do?”
“There’s somethin’ he’s always wanted from me Junior. Somethin’ he’s wanted fer a long time, since ‘67 and I’d always said no, but he always had hope I would give it to him. He came here today, because he thought that finally I was givin’ him what he wanted. That was why he looked so excited and happy. But, I said no again and I think he’s real upset that I made him get his hopes up fer nothin’.”
“Whut was it?”
“Whut was whut?”
“Whut was it he wanted from ya daddy? Why don’t ya jist give it to him?”
“It’s…complicated. I would love to jist give it to him, but I cain’t.”
“Daddy, if ya want to give Jack whut he wants, then jist give it to him. It don’t seem real hard or complicated”
“It’d be dangerous to give it to him darlin’”
“Dangerous? Whut is it a gun or somethin’?”
“Somethin’ like that”
“But, he’s a grown man, he can handle a gun cain’t he? I’m sure he could. If he wants it so bad, he must be willin’ to risk it. I’m sure he’d be real careful with it. You afraid he’s gonna break it?”
“No…not break it. Afraid he’ll end up hurt and it would be my fault fer givin’ it to ‘im”
“That’s silly daddy. If he wants it real bad, like he seems ta, he might jist go out and get himself a different one. Wouldn’t ya rather he has yers seein’ as how it’s yers he really wants?”
Those words, masked though they were, hit Ennis hard.
Whut if Jack wants it so bad, he gives up on me and goes to get it from someone else? Whut if left today to never come back and finds another man to live with, someone who is willin’ to be with him all the time, someone who would tell him he loved him, someone who told him how he felt, someone who didn’t keep their feelin’s all bottled up? At least if he’s with you, you’ll be happy, so will he and you could be careful enough fer both of you. If he takes up with someone else, ya’ll never know how he is, whut he’s doin’. Ya’d never know if somethin’ bad happened to him, wouldn’t be able to help him, to save him
A tear escaped his eyes as he thought of losing Jack, which he made no move to wipe away. He just let it slowly trickle down his cheek
“Oh daddy, don’t cry. I didn’t mean to upset ya. I’m sorry daddy” Junior said, tears threatening to escape her own eyes, Ennis didn’t say a word, just let Junior words seep into him, fill him, warm him, complete him.
“Thank ya Darlin’”
“Whut fer?”
“Fer makin’ me see sense. I’m gonna go and sort this all out with Jack”
“I’m glad daddy. Don’t like to see ya so upset. You gonna give Jack whut he wants?”
“Well Junior, I’ve got somethin’ ta tell ya ‘bout that…”