Funny Girl ~Harley/Joker Fic~

It had been weeks...ok 3 days since you joined Joker's fearful crew. Everyone eyed you but amazingly enough, NEVER touched you without his permission. In your last few days you'd proven yourself more worthy than Joker had ever thought. You used all your best "assets" to help him in any way he needed you. Usually striking the average mans inner kink for the weird punk girl, and putting him to a quick yet painful death. Always to Jokers glee. Outside of work though, he kept you locked in a small dingy room. It only had on bed, the steel barred ones, with white paint chipped about and a dresser with a large broken mirror. It was pretty decent sized and held all your make up and clothing. Your CDs lay scattered around your floor. A bulky old CD player in the corner which blasted all your fav songs from the 90's, indie persuasion.
As usual, you sat alone bored. This time, Zero by Smashing Pumpkins cooed in your ears. You hummed the rocky tune as you danced around your room, with the old one eyed doll you found in your closet. She was nude, chipped and dug in with only a few locks of her horrible blonde hair left, now dyed your color. You HATED blonde hair. It was so...typical...boring. You gazed at her, "Harl, would you like to be my dame?" You said it in a low squeaked voice, mimicking Joker's own. Twisting your face in innocence and shock you reply to yourself, in the doll's point of view, "Why yes, I'd positively adore that." That's when an idea hit you in the middle of your playful game. You run to your mirror, sloppily adding black eye shadow, creating smokey sunken version of Joker's own. Yours were merely a feminine version of his. Applying mascara, you are careful to make em clumpy, but not too clumpy. As for your lips, dark red will do, that is worn generally pretty neat. As the song hits your favored part, you shout it growling it huskily with its every word, "She's the one for me, she's the only one I need oh yea. She's my one and only." You toss, Harl on the bed and sit on the floor waiting for the next track to start up right. "Is that a fact?" Turning, Joker stares down at your pretty face, not amused. "You're the only one I need?" Your heart sank. He isn't happy. Sure you adored him, but you didn't want him to know that you loved him. Not yet anyway. You'd never had a relationship yea, but you KNEW some things shouldn't happen. And this was one of those certain things. Lifting you up by your messy pig tails, he slams you against the wall full forced. "Stop fucking around, I keep you to work for me, not to play with little dollies. Got it?!" Dropping you before you can respond, he walks off. He turns at the door studying your face once more. "I like your make up, keep it that way." After he leaves, you clutch Harl once more kissing her all over, planting kisses on every inch on her tattered body. "See Harl? He does like me! We just have to try harder and prove to him we really are the right gals for him. What are you talking about? Of course he'll warm up to us. Every man has a heart, Harl. Even dark demented men such as Mr. J."
It was dinner time and you all sat around huddled up. Eating pizza drinking beer, whatever. You were doing a bit of both. Feeling friendly, you brought your CD player and blasted some good ol Nirvana. Out it sang in Kurt's low tone... "she has a moist vaginaaaa..I'VE BEEN SUCKING THE WALLS OF HER ANUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUS...OF HER ANUUUUUUS!" You danced along the room, them eying your every movement, Joker in his own corner doing so himself. As you twirled, you now down, your torn dark gray *formerly black* torn/lanky tu tu floating upward. They eyed your toned legs, torn up footless fishnets clinging to them, patent leather stilettos flexing them slightly. One foot with red, on with black. Three tattooed black harlequins on the right ankle with the red heel. Your butt was cradled with your favored black lace boy pants, with its matching see through bra poking out of your torn up vintage silk blouse. Crystal buttons going down the front, missing only two. Your hair now down swung around you, a few bits clumped into skinny dreads, the rest down normal and slightly tangled. Sure you were an unconventional beauty, but a beauty no less.
Each goon stared at you then Joker, him not taking his eyes off you. "MARIJUANAAAAAA...MARIJUANAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" He sang louder you grabbing a man by his face, scratching him across his cheeks with your free hand. Laughing louder with each strike. "Sorryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy." Giggling you twirl/dance slowly to a young, cute boy with dark hair. Stopping you look down on him, a twisted grin on your face. Before he can move, you jump down on him planting wet kiss right on the mouth. Lifting yourself, you slam pizza right in his mouth jumping back up, twirling some more. Grabbing your music, you hurry back to your room. Leaving everyone in a mixture of anger and confusion. Joker chuckled to himself. You were funsies.

~Nine months later~
Joker and you were inseparable. No, he didn't show you any sort of affection, but even you could see he enjoyed ldyour company. Even his out their mind goons didn't quite find the humor in the so called terrible things he did. You however, thought they were hilarious. You could do horrible things, kill mothers in front of children. Then throw them off buildings as they cried her name out. Honestly, the bitch was dead. How is she gonna save you? Pfft, kids. Tonight though, would be special. Joker had a special plan that would lure in the bat. You were never around when Joker met that treacherous fiend, this time he let you join the fun.
As planned, after taking some whore hostage, one of some asshole named Bruce's model girl friends, Batty was in the building face to face. Why anyone would dress like a damn bat was beyond you. And they said you were crazy. His little bitch was sniffling. For fucks sake, you only chopped off two of her fingers. She cou still give a decent hand job. Besides, your dogs were hungry. "Let her go." Wow, that's the gayest voice you'd ever heard. Please say he doesn't sound like that regularly or that's just fucking sad. "Batty, remember a loooooooooong time ago. When I was in jail, for killing people, stealing Harv- I mean Two Face," he chuckles a bit and continues at Batcraps glare,"and..uh...Susan-" "RACHEL!" Through chuckling, "Yea Bethany, well...your police took my favorite knife. I never got it back which is pretty rude. ou don't just take peoples things without giving them back. So, either I get it back OOOoorrr...this lovely thing gets it." He begins stroking her hair sending flames down your spine. Why was he touching HER?! Ugh. "I don't have your knife, after you blew up the police station it was probably lost for good." Man, this guy should really consider being in a vocalist and doing that pig squeal thing or something. He'd be a legend. "HARLEY!" BANG, her pretty little brains covered you and one of the goons who turn in disgust, puking a little. With another loud bang Joker shot him n the floor. How embarrassing, can't have goons with weak stomachs can we?Batman lunges at you, punching you in the face. "HOW COULD YOU?! I'm a woman!" On instinct you begin crying and his face softens. Joker takes this moment to kick him in the back, you whistle and his dog begins biting and twisting the bats body, blood curdling screams escape him. "Nobody move!" Shit, Gordon arrived. As planned, one of your men hit the lights, Joker grabbing you barely before as you run to your escape.