Sheep go to Heaven

Notes: Title is a song by CAKE, in case anyone was wondering.

Sheep go to Heaven, Goats go to Hell.
Chapter 3

John was in the kitchen making soup, the radio crackling out some old Frank Sinatra tune and the kettle bubbling to a boil when Balthazar appeared. The former demon leant in the doorway to the kitchen, shivering slightly without a shirt and watching Constantine pottering about. It was a few minutes before the feeling of being watched made the back of John's neck prickle and he turned, noticing the demon.

Upon seeing the halfbreed leaning in the doorway and supporting himself weakly against the door frame, Constantine stopped what he was doing and just stared. He couldn't help it, he'd never seen Balthazar look the way he did at that moment – human. His hair was hanging to frame his handsome face, his tired, brown eyes looking up at the exorcist like he wasn't sure if John would throw him out or attack him. His chest was bare and his skin almost glowed golden, flawless except the bandages neatly shielding the wounds at his wrists. The fact that he was using his tail as well as his hands to hold onto the door frame reinforced how fragile he looked, and Constantine could barely believe that this was the same creature he'd deported a few months before. Although, as a mortal now, he wasn't the same creature. He'd lost the untouchable air he'd previously had and now he looked... well, human.

“Do you have a spare shirt, Johnny?” Balthazar finally spoke, his voice rougher than normal with exhaustion and the aftermath of whatever drugs had been in him. His pupils were still a little dilated and John frowned, pulling a chair out from the large, wooden table and moving to help the former demon into it. Balthazar stumbled twice on the way, seeming relieved that the world wasn't moving any more when he finally sat down. His tail curled around one of the chair legs like an anchor and he sat patiently while John fetched a shirt, placing his palms flat on the table in front of him and feeling the grain of the wood against his skin, trying to ground himself. His bare feet on the floor helped a little, but the dizziness still swirled around him and he closed his eyes, gasping when John laid a hand on his shoulder a few minutes later.

“You ok?” Constantine asked, already knowing that he wasn't.

“Fine, Johnny. I'll be out of your hair in no time.” Balthazar replied, his voice cracking slightly to his annoyance. He took the white shirt John offered and put it on, not bothering to do the buttons up because his fingers were trembling too much to navigate them.

“Don't worry about it. Here,” John said, kneeling down in front of Balthazar's chair and carefully fastening the buttons of the shirt, trying to ignore the ever-present lust he felt around the former demon, intensified each time he accidentally brushed the half-breed's tanned chest.

“Thanks.” Balthazar said in a whisper once John was finished, watching the exorcist stand back up and take a pot of soup from the hob, ladling out two bowls and placing them on the table, one in front of Balthazar and one at a seat close enough to reach out and touch him. Adding a bowl of bread rolls and cutlery to the table, John grabbed his scotch bottle and a glass, setting them down next to his soup.

“Eat.” He commanded, glaring at the former demon until he complied. Balthazar looked down at the food in front of him and picked up a spoon, glad he hadn't managed to cut through the tendons in his wrists as Constantine had done the last time he'd been in the same position. He hadn't needed to eat as a demon and the sensation had been strange the first time he'd tried it, but the chicken soup Constantine had prepared was surprisingly good. Balthazar wondered if the exorcist had made it for his benefit, or was just sharing what he would've eaten anyway.

Turning away from the table once he was satisfied that Balthazar was going to eat something, John set about pouring out a mug of hot tea for the former demon. He would normally have just given him another glass and shared the scotch, but he had no idea what drugs had been given to the halfbreed and he was worried enough not to chance it. Tea was probably healthier anyway, he mused as he set the mug of hot, sweet liquid down in front of his guest.

“Tea. Drink.” Constantine ordered, more interested in watching the former demon eat than being polite, if he ever truly managed such a thing.

“You're being very hospitable, Johnny.” Balthazar commented neutrally, slightly on edge. He didn't understand why Constantine had bought him to his apartment. If it was just curiosity over what had happened, why was the exorcist bothering to feed him and tape up his wrists?

“I found you trying to fucking kill yourself, Balthazar, what do you expect me to do?” John frowned, pouring himself a generous glass of scotch as Balthazar slowly ate, savouring each taste because eating was still foreign to him.

“Kill me.” Balthazar answered in a slightly confused voice, not quite understanding. He expected it sooner or later, probably after he'd explained what had happened and Johnny's curiosity had been sated. It was what he wanted, after all. The food was still nice, though, and he was marvelling over the texture of bread when Constantine growled at him.

“I'm not going to fucking kill you, tell me what the hell happened.” The exorcist demanded, steadfastly avoiding staring at Balthazar's lips as he lowered his attractive eyes and sipped at the hot tea. It was sweet, and Balthazar decided he liked sweet things. The only thing he'd had before he'd changed was water, and he hadn't really been able to taste that. He wasn't even sure if water had a taste at all.

“What do you know?” Balthazar asked, unsure of how much Constantine knew of what had gone on. He didn't believe the claim that Constantine wouldn't kill him, but he set the thought aside for the time being.

“Midnite told me you were back. I figured you were up to something since you hadn't been annoying me, so I had him find you.” John claimed, watching the tiny smile that curved Balthazar's lips against the mug of tea.

“Well, when I got back up here someone was following me. Midnite couldn't figure out who it was, he's such a help sometimes.” Balthazar sneered, a little of the old demon showing through. John was almost pleased that it wasn't gone altogether.

“So, I guess they caught up to you.” Constantine said, eating his soup while he watched Balthazar dissect a roll of bread, dipping little shreds of it into his soup before eating them. Food seemed to fascinate him, and clearly eating had made him feel better. The shaking had stopped and the glazed look in his eyes had cleared enough that he no longer looked on the verge of collapse.

“Mmhmm. I remember walking one moment, and waking up in bed the next. I didn't know where I was, and there was something wrong with me.” He frowned, giving up on the last spoonfuls of soup in his bowl and going back to the subtle sweetness of his tea. “I hurt all over, it felt like something was burning right out of me.” He supplied, wincing as he remembered the pain. The closest thing he'd experienced to being burned before that was the acid sting of holy water or crosses. This burning had been the real thing and he'd spent at least a week alternating between screaming until his throat was raw or curling up, gritting his teeth and shuddering as each wave of pain rocked through him.

“You were becoming mortal.” John frowned, trying not to imagine the former demon in that much agony. He wasn't sure why, but the thought made him sick. The bedroom had to have been warded to soundproof it if Balthazar had been in so much pain – John couldn't imagine the former demon suffering in silence. He wished he'd checked the doorways while he'd had the chance.

“I didn't realise at first. Then I started to bleed where I was pulling on the chains, and I could feel pain. Lots of it.” The halfbreed smirked bitterly. “It took a few weeks to turn me, and I spent most of that time... well, not exactly up to trying to figure out who had me chained to their bed, anyway.”

“And then?” Constantine asked, hating the pain in the half-breed's expressive eyes as he remembered, trying to hide by sipping at his tea.

“I stayed ill for a long time. I don't know if that's normal or not. When I finally came out of it I must have been there for months. I don't know, I woke up and Gabriel was sitting beside the bed with a needle.” Balthazar shuddered, looking up to see the anger in John's eyes. “I don't know what he wanted, I didn't know he gave a damn about me one way or the other, Johnny. I didn't understand why he'd want me mortal and not just dead. I still don't know, I couldn't concentrate when he doped me. It made me weak, all I wanted was to go home.” He grit his teeth, looking down in anger. “If I'd known this was waiting for me I'd have stayed in Hell.”

“So you planned to escape by killing yourself and going back to Hell that way.” Constantine said flatly, the idea striking a little too close to home for his taste. It also bought back flashes of finding Balthazar with his wrists slit, and he took a large swig of scotch.

“I didn't plan anything. He went out to buy rice, which was all we ate because clearly he's never tried bread,” Balthazar said, procuring another bread roll and splitting it open to get at the soft inside. “Anyway, I tried to stand up and ended up falling over, the pain woke me up a little. I understood what was going on, so I did what I had to. Or at least I tried.”

“And you have no idea why Gabriel would do any of this to you?” John frowned, ignoring Balthazar's last comment and getting up, tidying away their bowls but leaving the bread out for the halfbreed.

“Not a clue. He is insane after all, maybe he doesn't have a reason. Maybe God told him to do it.” The former demon sneered. “Now, will you send me home or would you rather I did it myself?” Balthazar asked, glancing over at the kitchen knives standing neatly in their block beside the sink.

Constantine wasn't entirely sure why, but he hated the thought of sending the now mortal Balthazar back to Hell. Watching him eat and drink new flavours for the first time was oddly endearing and seeing him human and damaged bought out the protective side of John. The fact that Balthazar was so wickedly attractive wasn't helping, either.

Thinking fast, the exorcist took out a bar of chocolate from one of the kitchen drawers, moving back to sit at the table.

“Listen,” he placed the bar on the table, watching Balthazar's eyes fix on it in slight curiosity. “We need to find out why Gabriel singled you out, or it'll just happen again the next time you resurrect. Stay here until then. Besides, don't you want to try a few more things while you can feel them?” Constantine said, not having meant the innuendo behind his words but pleased when Balthazar picked up on it, a light flush colouring his golden cheeks. He'd never blushed as a demon, either, and John decided it would definitely be a shame never to see him do that again.

Balthazar lowered his eyes, licking his lips with his forked tongue as John's words bought to mind other things he might be able to feel more as a mortal. Without being constantly weak and drugged, being mortal didn't seem so bad. It was going to take some getting used to, but perhaps it was worth staying around a little longer. Besides, he really did want to know what on earth Gabriel had been up to and why the former angel had chosen him.

“Fine, but you're going to have to convince me that being mortal is worth it, Johnny.” Balthazar said, catching the chocolate bar as John slid it across the table to him.

“Taste that and get back to me.” Constantine replied, getting the feeling that he was going to enjoy the next few days.

TBC

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