Unholy Union

CO-WRITTEN WITH MELISSA

CH 3: Martini Hijinks

Feeling sick to his stomach, the Joker realized that it was that Caroline chick - or was it Carolyn? - his teeth subconsciously grinding together as he fought off yet another wave of nausea. She was sitting there with one arm draped over the side of her car, her blue eyes lighting up as she teased, "What, cat got your tongue? I said hello! Are you a friend of Maggie's?"

Friend? The word was laughable, but the Joker finally turned to face her and took pleasure when she visibly recoiled. 'Not so nice now, am I?' he bitterly thought. Clicking his tongue, he sourly returned, "Yeah, I guess you could say that...I was just...uh...visiting."

Carolyn's eyes flickered across his face skeptically, but whenever she determined that there was a boyish handsomeness about him despite the gruesome, mangled scarring along his mouth, she brightened once again in typical shallow fashion and urged, "Well why don't you re-visit her? I haven't met you yet, after all!"

The Joker groaned. "You have got to be kidding me - I just walked like a mile, so I have no intention of going all the way back there. Don't let my 'fit' exterior fool you; I'm a lazy, lazy man."

With a giggle, Carolyn slyly returned, "Well get in, you silly goose! I don't mind driving a friend of Maggie's...as long as you make sure to wipe your feet, that is. Uncle Roger just bought this for me, and I don't want to ruin the backseat just yet."

The Joker balked at her last words, not quite sure if he'd heard her correctly. After he reluctantly moved into the backseat, he wryly mused, 'Yep...definitely not like Maggie at all.'

Cupping his chin in his palm, he watched the various trees whiz by until the old, unpleasantly familiar visage of Collinwood loomed over them like some sort of bizarre, yet twistedly charming phantasm.

"Home sweet home!" Carolyn chirped, shutting off the ignition before laying on the horn. When Maggie came into view, she waved her arms back and forth with a vibrant smile on her face. "Hiya, Mags! I know it's way early, but I just had to come back...the boys around the summer house aren't nearly as exciting as the ones here."

Maggie stood on the stoop, her eyes puffy from crying, bottom lip quivering when she saw Carolyn's passenger. Carolyn sailed past her, fully expecting the man to get her bags, which of course he did not. Carolyn also didn't seem to notice the dotted blood on Maggie's dress, or the two bloodied hand prints on her upper arms from when J had handled her so roughly.

"I see you've met J," Maggie said softly.

"Jay? Oh, is that his name?" Carolyn returned to stare over Maggie's shoulder at the man still lurking near her Corvette. "Thought it might be Frankie or something, you know, as in Frankenstein?" Carolyn gave a silvery laugh and nudged Maggie's ribs. "Oh, I'm just teasing, you goof. I'm just happy to see you've finally met someone! Joe hasn't written or allowed you to visit once since he was taken to Wyndcliff, so it's about time that you moved on, sister!"

"He…he's not . . ." Maggie attempted, "I mean, we're not…"

"Hah, could've fooled me," Carolyn said, throwing her pocket book on the table near the door. "He certainly had the look of a man in the throes of some sort of passion when I met him on the road. And I didn't have to twist his arm to make him come back either, you heartbreaker, you!"

Maggie's eyes were riveted on J as he ambled up the walkway and onto the stoop. "I assure you, Carolyn, he didn't come back for me."

"Well then what did he come back for?" Carolyn challenged. "Men don't usually come traipsing back for conversation, you know." With a suggestive wink, she instantly bit back a laugh when the Joker entered the room, her brow only puckering slightly when she noticed he was empty-handed. "Did you get my things, Jay?" she asked, genuinely bewildered.

The Joker sent her an equally disbelieving look. "Uhh, no, do I look like a bell hop, or something? If I wanted to be some rich bitch's slave, I'd become a servant." Continuing his way into the drawing room, he shut the doors behind him with a reverberating bang.

"Oh! The nerve of him!" Carolyn exclaimed, folding her arms while shaking her blonde locks to and fro. "If you two get married, I am not coming to the wedding! Not after he...he..." Abruptly trailing off, her lips slightly pursed when she realized that this 'Jay' was exactly the type of man her mother wouldn't approve of. With this positive new outlook on his character, she gave a dismissive laugh while returning, "Oh well, I suppose I might've deserved that...how did you meet him, anyway? He looks like he got into an accident with a meat grinder. Too much LSD, I'm guessing?"

As she awaited Maggie's response, she heard a dark melody playing from the piano and shivered. "God, is he always so...so bitter? That's not exactly the type of music from a happy man, after all."

"He plays the piano when he is troubled." Maggie said, her eyes on the drawing room doors.

"Does he now?" Carolyn mused, one corner of her mouth lifting knowingly. "How very 'Phantom' of him. Too bad he doesn't have the mask, 'cause he could sure use it."

"Don't be cruel, Carolyn."

Carolyn was on her way to the drawing room doors when Maggie's words stopped her. She arched her brow. "You do dig this crazy cat, don't you?

"I despise him."

Carolyn giggled and shook her head in coy disbelief. She threw open the drawing room doors and ordered, "Play something by The Beatles! All that Beethoven stuff makes me wanna slit my wrists!"

The Joker had been lost in another troubled reverie when Carolyn opened the doors, his fingers sweeping along the keys with a fluidity that almost seemed impossible. Feeling the notes pouring from his fingertips, he felt as if he'd been slapped when Carolyn's words cut through him like a steel-tipped harpoon. Slamming his fists down onto the keys, an ugly, yet appropriate dissonance occurred that caused the blonde to jump, her mouth forming into a surprised little 'o' when he turned around and sent her a cold, calculating look.

"If you don't like what I play, you can leave" he returned with a cool, even finality.

Puffing her chest out with superiority, Carolyn hotly snapped, "I live here, Frankie, so you can't boss me around in my own home! Now get away from that stupid piano and let's play a good game of cards!"

The Joker sullenly rose from the bench, yet his features expressed a sense of hostility opposed to acquiescence. This woman was clearly accustomed to getting her way, and it infuriated him to no end that she most likely had been given all she'd ever desired. It seemed that only the most loathsome, spoiled little brats got what they wanted in life, and this dumb blonde was by far no exception.

Hunching his shoulders, the Joker fought the urge to strangle her as he snidely added, "If you want some Beatles, go put on a damn record. I'm not your little wind-up toy here to serve as your amusement, so go pester somebody else."

Carolyn crossed her arms. "God, Maggie, what do you see in this…this clown?"

Maggie came to the doorway and softly warned Carolyn to watch herself. She knew that Carolyn enjoyed the melodrama of a good fight, and this was mere foreplay, and since J enjoyed a good bit of verbal sparring himself, she gathered they were a match made in…well, in some place Maggie didn't want to be.

"If you two will excuse me, I need to change my dress and…lie down. I have a headache." Her eyes darted to J's face, still contorted with rage, then looked away quickly. Fearing she might burst into tears again, Maggie turned and ran up the stairs, not stopping until she reached her bed and fell upon it, sobbing. After a good while, Maggie finally pulled herself up from the bed and slipped out of her dress, her movements slow and weary as one in a trance. She hung the dress with the others destined for the dry cleaners and stepped into her bathroom to clean the blood off her arms. His blood, and she felt angry at the concern that flickered across her mind, even for something so small as a glass cut. She caught her reflection in the bathroom mirror and leaned forward to inspect her swollen lower lip. He had pierced his teeth into the dewy fleshiness with a savagery she'd never felt before, not even in more amorous moments with Joe. He'd not left a mark, but her lip was red and tender to the touch, more sensually full than usual. Coupled with her large, doe-like eyes she looked vulnerable, violated, and shaken.

She stood in her full length mirror, a wounded vision of satin and lace and scratches and contusions. She placed her hands over the bruises, matching her fingers to the marks he'd left, and hugged herself, staring imploringly into her own eyes. She remembered his height and the massive strength he seemed able to call upon at will and suddenly felt tiny and unimportant. Her father had always been the one to protect her, then Joe to some extent. Was she merely gravitating to the first man to come into her life since…no, that couldn't be it. Carolyn had tried to fix her up innumerable times, and Maggie had always excused herself after the first cocktail at The Blue Whale, not wanting dinner money wasted on a hopeless cause like herself. She hadn't wanted anyone near her, until this man…this fiend who was definitely mentally ill and according to his own admission, quite homicidal. She'd once read of captives that fell in love with their kidnappers. Was she so lonely that she'd allowed this to happen? To fall into his masochistic web and lay herself open to any number of mental and physical tortures? How could she, Maggie Evans, who'd always done the right thing and treated others so kindly, let someone abuse her like this man delighted in doing? What was the point, except to send her further over the precipice?

She sighed and moved back to the bed, curling into the fetal position on top of the covers, her folded hands tucked under her chin. She closed her eyes and tried to block him from her mind, tried to rest her tired eyes and let the tension drain from her. She would sleep, she told herself, and J would most likely be gone when she awoke. Problem solved.

Back in the drawing room, Carolyn was still sizing this stranger up with critical, snide eyes. "You know" she coyly began, "you no longer have to keep up this silly pretense with me now that she's gone...why are you really here, hmm?"

"I, uh...was friends with Bo, so I came by to deliver some news. And guess what? He's still crazy!" the Joker wryly returned, not bothering to disguise his annoyance with this blonde's intrusive, smug demeanor.

With a sneer, Carolyn corrected, "Oh, you mean Joe, as in Joe Haskell? Yeah, it's a real shame about what happened to him... But you know what else is a shame? How Maggie's turned into quite the little liar."

The Joker shrugged. "Ah well, gotta happen sometime, right? No one's perfect..." With his eyes giving her a meaningful once-over, he sneered while returning, "See? Just look at you! Case and point." Pleased by her ireful little cry, he pushed past her and began making his way out into the foyer.

"Hey!" Carolyn called, now furiously running after him, "You can't talk to me like that! Just who do you think you are, anyway?"

He looked at her critically, then elevated his shoulders. "I dunno...I never really thought about who I am."

"Well what is that supposed to mean?"

"Just what it sounds like, of course." Now making his way into the kitchen, the Joker ignored the sound of Carolyn's high heels clacking after him as he sat down at the kitchen table, a heavy sigh escaping his lips as she plopped down into the seat alongside him.

"What are you doing here?" she pressed. "And I mean the real reason…are you visiting Maggie?"

The Joker shrugged. "No, I'm here to pick up a shipment for my, uh…job."

"Ooh, well what do you do for a living?"

"I kill people."

With a vibrant laugh, Carolyn gave him a playful nudge while urging, "No, really…what do you do?"

"Um, I really kill people" the Joker impatiently returned, sending her an irritated look. "Contrary to popular belief, I am not a liar, and I have no reason to hide."

Carolyn noticeably quivered. "Y-you're a cruel and vile man!"

"Hmm, well let's try for cruel and loathsome while we're at it, shall we?"

"I'm serious!" she snapped, now rising from her seat as if she'd been burned. "How can you be so nonchalant about murder! Because of your attitude, I have no choice but to believe you're merely joking!"

The Joker shrugged, lacing his hands with a smirk. "Suit yourself, sugar pie; no skin off my back, after all." Now getting up from his chair, he snidely added, "Y'know, you're making me actually like Maggie since she's not so nosy. Chatty, yes, but not nosy. Now if you'll excuse me, Princess Barbie, I'm going to go take a nap in that hammock Maggie mentioned."

"Oh! You're despicable!" Carolyn shrieked, stamping her foot like a child before she turned about on her heel and went racing toward the stairs. "Maggie! Maggie!" she furiously called, now pounding on her friend's bedroom door with purpose.

Maggie awoke with a start and sat cross-legged on the bed, shielding herself with a pillow. Although she had discerned Carolyn's voice before surfacing into consciousness, she had the groggy disorientation of one awakened too soon. She pulled herself up and called out, "Come in" as she groped for her robe on the chair.

She knew it was going to be an unpleasant conversation from the way Carolyn bounded in and posed dramatically with her arms folded, fingers curled like a cat.

"Maggie, that man has got to go!"

Maggie sat at her vanity table and began to whisk her brush through her long, reddish-brown hair. "He had left," she said with an impatient sigh, "but you brought him back, for whatever reason. As a diversion I suppose, or something to fill your social calendar with. As I always say, be careful what you wish for."

Maggie saw Carolyn's eyebrows arch in the mirror's reflection. "Why, Maggie Evans! Got your tongue at last! Well, don't lash it at me, I'm your best friend!"

"If you were my best friend, you wouldn't have brought him back. I don't want him here any more than you do."

"Don't you?"

"Why would I? The man is a fiend." Maggie laid the brush down slowly and tried to make her face look convincing enough to satisfy Carolyn.

"Then why do you look like you've cried yourself to sleep?"

"He upset me earlier, talking about Joe. I wasn't prepared for his visit…or to hear how badly Joe was still doing."

"You're lying. He doesn't even know Joe. He told me as much."

Maggie's shoulders jerked at Carolyn's words. She took perfume from the table and dabbed behind her earlobes, her voice strained as she returned, "Well then I suppose he came here to concoct some elaborate lie just to upset me, or frighten me and well…he managed to do that and then some."

Carolyn moved to stand behind her shoulder, peering into the glass. Her face was eager for intrigue. "Did he…you know…take liberties?"

"Oh Carolyn, do you honestly think I would harbor my own rapist? What kind of ninny do you take me for?"

"No, I just meant...well you know, like in the movies the girl often falls for –"

"I don't want to have this conversation." Maggie rose from the table and moved to the mahogany cabinet that held her dresses. "Please, Carolyn, if you aren't going to let me take a nap, then at least let me get dressed."

Carolyn shrugged and ambled to the window, absently playing with the gold and sapphire necklace her mother had given her for graduation. From the upper floor her eyes followed the winding path to the wild flower garden, where J was sprawled in a hammock, one scuffed shoe dangling to rock himself to sleep.

"He's not so awful bad, you know." Carolyn scanned him from head to toe, focusing on the muscular forearms peeking from rolled up sleeves, and the way they criss-crossed his tight abdomen cinched by the odd green vest. "He's got the face of a boy… The green hair dye would definitely have to go. I bet Julia would know a good plastic surgeon for those awful –"

"Carolyn, the man is a psychopath."

"Not so much of a psychopath that you didn't hesitate to give him the run of the estate! He seems to know his way around pretty well for one who has only just arrived on a visit."

Maggie pretended to concentrate on the dress she had chosen from the cabinet. "I tried to be kind to him, but I should've known better."

Carolyn fingered the draperies, deep in thought. "Well, I wouldn't be so downcast, Maggie dear, because he doesn't seem in any hurry to leave." She motioned for Maggie to come look out the window, watching as her friend's face changed from despair to relief, then to something akin to despair again.

"I don't know why he won't just go," Maggie said softly. "Why won't he just go?"

Carolyn crossed her arms again, curled her fingers and drummed them against her elbows. "You tell me, Maggie," she said. "You tell me."

Several peaceful hours later, the sun melted into the horizon and dusk spread its fingers across the sky, thus blotting out the majority of the light so that only a rosy, purplish haze was left in its wake. With a rather undignified yawn, the Joker kept drifting in and out of consciousness, his bottom lip twitching as images of that irritating blonde danced through his head. Even in dreams, he yearned to squeeze her throat til she stopped breathing, his hands subconsciously curling into two tight fists as he gave a low snarl. She was more annoying than that redhead, but no matter...he'd be off for Bangor soon enough.

Rolling over onto his back, the Joker finally allowed his eyes to flutter open just as he noticed a tall, towering figure standing in his line of vision. With a yelp of surprise, he launched upward at a considerable speed, thus causing him to get tangled up in the hammock and go careening straight to the ground. With a low groan, he allowed his gaze to stray from the thin ankles to the long, shapely legs in front of him before realizing it was none other than the little bunny, herself.

"What the hell were you thinking?" he groused, now pulling himself up into a sitting position with a snarl. "You're supposed to wake someone up by calling their name, not by standing over them until they wake up!"

Maggie had not meant to stare at him so long, but in the half light he'd looked benign and boyish…almost human. The remaining sunlight streamed through the oak leaves, making his wild hair look golden in the places not dyed green. He slept fitfully, plagued by dreams no doubt, his scarred mouth twitching, one corner jerking towards the hollow of his cheek. His whole body began to respond to the nightmare, hands curling into fists and a low growl forming in his throat.

She was about to wake him, reaching out, when she remembered his aversion to being touched and recoiled slightly, her delicately manicured nails stopping inches from his chest. When he awoke with a yelp, she stepped back and gave a tiny, shocked cry herself, bringing her fingers to her lips as the hammock got him in a half-nelson, whirled around and unceremoniously relinquished him to the earth. He fell with a grunt at her feet, then glared up at her as if it were somehow her fault.

Maggie lifted her chin, her mouth one solemn line. "I trust you are well-rested, because you slept through lunch. Carolyn and I are having drinks on the lanai and a light supper, so we would be pleased to have you join us." Her brown eyes held his a moment and she swallowed nervously. "…Or not."

She turned and started down the garden path, stepping carefully in her stylish heels and stockings. A briary tendril wrapped itself around her ankle and she gave a frustrated utterance and bent to free herself and smooth the assaulted nylon. As she ran her hands up her calf she noticed him still sitting behind her, leering at her rather provocative pose, grinning cynically. She straightened slowly and tugged the hem of her dress, eyes locked with his. It was difficult for her to admit, but she enjoyed his eyes upon her, even when she knew he was formulating some cruel insult; even when she knew there was no affection or attraction in his perverse scrutiny. Or was there? Maggie waited, moistening her lips anxiously. She began to feel a flutter in her stomach and her heart beat accelerated despite her struggle to remain calm. He'd never held her eyes this long before, and she was completely baffled as to why. It both frightened and thrilled her. She didn't want to speak lest the moment crumble, and so she remained locked in place, silent and grave as a bunny in the sights of a hungry fox.

With a dark chuckle, the Joker finally rose and dusted off the back of his pants, his grin still in place as he teased, "Why the frozen pose, hmm? Is it because you somehow knew I'm a huge fan of sculptures? I actually prefer nudes, but I suppose you don't know me well enough for that just yet." With a laugh that rumbled deep in his chest, he shoved his hands in his pockets and strode in front of her, now turning toward her with a bewildered look on his face. "Uhhh, by the way, I have no idea what a 'lanai' is, so I'm afraid you'll have to lead the way. If it's some chick thing like a day spa, forget it. You've taken enough of my dignity away for one week."

Maggie wedged past him on the narrow path, her eyes cast downward. "It's a patio, you imbecile. Follow me."

The sun was disappearing behind the turrets and spires of Collinwood as Maggie ascended the steps to the lanai. Carolyn had lit candles and lanterns all around, giving the place an inviting, golden glow. She turned when she saw them and opened a shaker of martinis.

"One olive or two, Maggie?"

"Two," Maggie said, sliding into an ornate deck chair and crossing her ankles. "And make J's dirty. He likes everything dirty, apparently."

She glanced at J and wrinkled her nose sullenly.

"There's nothing wrong with honoring the roots of our forefathers" the Joker insisted with a wry smirk. "Native Americans were very cleanly people, so they were naturally surprised by the poor hygiene of the settlers. So, in a way, I'm just celebrating history via my poor hygiene." With a cheeky grin, he plopped down into the chair beside Carolyn and stretched, his sleeves riding down to his elbows as he sent her a smug smirk. "So was it your idea to pamper me, or the bunny's?"

"Well it most certainly wasn't mine" Carolyn huffed, passing out the drinks before she took a seat. Sending Maggie a warning glance, she then turned back to him and added, "I suppose she wanted us to all get to know one another, so why don't we just start with the obvious? How did you get your scars?"

The Joker instinctively flinched at her question, his eyes darkening as he felt an undeniable ache to take his blade, seize a fistful of her sunshine-blonde locks, and stick the steel past her full lips. Clicking his tongue, he began to bounce his knee out of nervous habit, a sneer quirking his lips as he finally decided on, "As a boy, I put a blade in my mouth and fell flat on my face."

"Oh, you did not, you liar!"

"Did, too! Painful memories...so very, very sad" the Joker insisted, yet it was obvious by his tone that he didn't mean a word of it.

"Carolyn, really!" Maggie said under her breath, clearly embarrassed. "J may not have evolved towards cleanliness, but you could use a lesson in manners. He's not going to answer you, so you might as well find something else to interrogate him about." She swallowed half her drink in one gulp and grimaced.

Carolyn ran her perfect fingernail around the rim of her glass. "Hmm, we shall see. I don't give up so easily, but we can defer the question for now. How about we progress to what your intentions are towards our little Mag-pie?"

A mortified Maggie sat up and put her feet on the floor, ready to spring up.

"Oh, we're all adults here!" Carolyn chided, tossing her blonde hair behind her shoulder. "It's the era of free love and free speech, so we might as well get it out in the open. You've got my friend tied up in knots, and you sit there grinning like a court jester."

"I need another drink." Maggie ran to the portable bar and, hands shaking, filled her glass.

"See?" Carolyn flicked her hand towards her. "You've driven the poor girl to drink! What are we going to do with her, Jay? She seems quite undone."

Maggie knocked back the martini and coughed at its potency. "I do not appreciate being made the object of sport, Carolyn. I've had enough of it for one day." She poured herself another drink.

The Joker quirked a brow, unable to prevent yet another sneer from crossing his lips. "Well I don't know about my intentions for her, but I do know about my intentions for you." Dragging his finger across his throat, he made a sound as though he were cutting through someone's flesh as he gave a giggle. Now leaning in close, he added, "Now don't worry, sugar pie, when I kill people who're my acquaintances, I tend to be much more kind with my methods. Instead of evisceration, I opt for an old-fashioned shot to the temple."

Cackling when Carolyn covered her mouth in horror, the Joker shrugged while admitting, "You're right, you're right...guns are so boring. I'll do the deed with a knife."

"Oh, please stop!" Carolyn begged, throwing her napkin onto the table in disgust. "Can't you ever be serious, you ridiculous brute?"

"Well can't you ever lighten up?" he snidely shot back. Now craning his neck so he could get a good look at Maggie, the Joker smirked while asking, "Care to share some of that booze, Maggaroni? It's not very nice to hoard it all for yourself, you know! C'mere and have a seat." With a sly smirk on his face, he pulled out the seat beside him and gave it a mocking pat, enjoying the various shades of red her cheeks exuded.

Maggie moved slowly to sit near him and filled both their glasses. Carolyn sidled over and jutted out her own glass, but when Maggie tipped the shaker, only one drop of gin quivered before forlornly dripping into the cup. Maggie shrugged, placed the shaker into Carolyn's other hand, then continued to sip her own drink.

"Oh, thank you very much!" Carolyn huffed, moving back to the bar. "Don't worry, I'll make the second batch, too. Sure, pay no mind to Carolyn, the third wheel. I'm just here to serve."

Maggie, ever mindful of propriety and pleasing others, began to pull herself from the chair, her first impulse to run to Carolyn's aid. She stopped when she saw J's eyes upon her. He cocked one eyebrow, clearly challenging her. She sat back down, balancing the martini primly on her knees, or at least trying to. She was beginning to feel the effects of the alcohol, and cursed herself for gulping three martinis on a nearly empty stomach. She'd not eaten since her cinnamon apple seduction that morning. She blinked at J, trying to focus. "It's awfully warm this evening, isn't it?" She passed a hand over her brow and sighed.

"Ahh, reverting to the ol' 'how's the weather?' ploy, are we? I didn't think you were that uncomfortable with me around" the Joker remarked, sneering as he watched her wipe at her face. "But in answer to your boring question, no, it's not that warm out, because otherwise I'd be complaining. I hate warm weather since I don't have an outfit with short sleeves and cut-offs." Taking a sip of his martini - he'd never been much of a drinker - the Joker watched as Carolyn came back to the table, clearly in a huff as she had a seat and took a generous sip of her beverage.

Catching his gaze, the blonde lowered her glass and coyly began, "So, Jay, do you have any brothers or sisters? Preferably brothers?"

The Joker clenched his jaw, swallowed once, then shrugged. "I, uh...yeah...sort of."

"Well what does that mean? Either you do or you don't, you silly oaf."

"Well then I don't" he half-growled, half-snarled. "It's kind of hard to have what's no longer around."

Bewildered by this response, Carolyn meekly mumbled something in response, then twisted her napkin in her lap. His eyes had been murderous at that moment, yet they'd also been filled with a type of pain that confused her. What had she done wrong?

"Stop asking about his goddamn family," Maggie slurred. Her words suddenly registered and she turned her whole body towards J and snorted like a girl who'd just told a naughty joke.

Carolyn scowled. "Well how was I supposed to know that his stupid family was off limits? It's not like this freak came with a how-to manual, you know!"

Massaging his temples, the Joker groaned as he felt an all-too familiar headache coming on. He'd been having migraines ever since he snapped, but typically when they occurred, he became more murderous and bloodthirsty than usual. Rising from the table so quickly that he upset his chair, he didn't bother looking at either of the women as he mumbled, "I, uh...I gotta go."

Still clutching at his pounding temples, the Joker dashed from the lanai despite the protests he heard, his legs refusing to stop until he found himself back inside Collinwood's kitchen. Plopping down heavily into a chair at the table, he cradled his head in his hands and quivered, gnashing his teeth as he fought to control his inner demons. Why now? Why did he have to start losing control when it seemed as though he was getting better?

Maggie was at his elbow within minutes. She knelt beside him, gripping his chair arm for support. "Come back to table, J" she gently urged. "She's just in a mood… Don't pay any attention to her." Maggie tried to catch his tortured gaze, but couldn't. "Come back and sit with me."

When he kept his head cradled, Maggie whispered, "I can make it better, J, if you let me try."

The Joker snorted, yet he still refused to lift his gaze to meet with hers. "What are you, God? You can't change my fate any more than you can change your own" he snapped, slumping further over until his forehead was touching the table. "Why do you care, anyway? This isn't anything that a sheltered bunny such as yourself could understand, so just...just back off."

His head pounding, he groaned and tried to ignore the blinding pain as he tried to shut out Maggie's presence. She was unnerving him more than anything, and he curled his fists as his world began to spin. "Shit...do you have an aspirin?" he finally asked, rubbing at the bridge of his nose as he shuddered.

Carolyn seemed to appear from out of nowhere, placing a prescription bottle onto the table. "Here…something better than aspirin. Mother has headaches, too, and this stuff will rock your socks off. Wash it down with a little martini, and you'll be right as rain."

Maggie fumbled with the bottle and spilled two tablets into her palm. She held them out to him, then insisted, "It's okay, J, I've taken these before. They work really well."

Giving Carolyn a distrustful glare, the Joker begrudgingly took the tablets from Maggie's hand and downed them in one gulp, not even bothering to take the offered drink. "Hope you poisoned me" he bitterly gibed, cracking his neck as he rolled his shoulders forward with a sigh. He felt as if he ached all over, yet he couldn't understand why.

Rather uncomfortable with Maggie's constant doting, he scooted slightly away from her and cleared his throat.

"May I entreat you two lovebirds to come eat the dinner I prepared?" Carolyn suddenly offered, hand on her hip. "I don't cook for just anybody, so consider it an honor. And I'm not a bad cook, am I, Maggie?"

"Hmmm?" Maggie broke her intense gaze from J's sullen features. "No. I mean, yes. Yes, you aren't." She pulled herself up and tugged on J's sleeve to return to the table.

Noting Maggie's weaving gait, Carolyn removed the cover from her dish and indicated that she take a seat. "You. Eat. Now. Get something in your stomach, or you're gonna be a miserable little git tomorrow."

They sat back down, Carolyn attempting small talk as J's eyes bored into her, and Maggie tackled the impossible task of unfolding her napkin. Minutes seemed like hours as she tried to eat, but the food tasted far less pleasing to her palate than the alcohol. She took several more gulps before Carolyn took the glass away.

"Maggie, eat something now!" Carolyn demanded.

"I'm eating, I'm eating!" Maggie snapped. She held her silverware aloft with a triumphant smile, but it tumbled from her grasp and made a clanging noise against her plate. She slumped over her lobster then, the Joker's lightning fast reflexes saving her from slicing her nose on a bright red claw. She gripped his arm for support and pulled herself back to a sitting position.

"Take me to bed, J…" she whispered, eyes round. "Take me…"

"I think she means put her to bed," Carolyn said, sliding back her chair. "And that's probably not a bad idea. Come on, pumpkin-"

"No, I want J!" Maggie snapped, then jerked her head back, seemingly surprised at her own gumption. "I want J," she repeated, softer this time, her bottom lip petulant and full.

"Alright, fine." Carolyn raised her hands in a sarcastic attitude of surrender. "Go to bed with the serial killer, see if I care." She shot J a warning look and waved them off.

As they moved up the stairs, Maggie stumbled and leaned against him, her little feet like lead. "See, I'm not such a goodie-goodie, am I?" she said. "Oh J, I don't want to be good. Show me how to be bad like you. I want to be bad..."

She could hear his uneasy chuckle in the darkness as they made a winding path down the hall, feeling gusts of air each time J kicked open a door, gruffly asking, "Is this your room?" to which she would giggle and shake her head. Presently they came to a well-appointed room of light blue, and Maggie clapped her hands like a little girl at Christmastime and squealed, "Bed! Thas' my beddie bye!"

They took a few steps forward and she placed her hand on his chest, stopping him. "Wait, be vewy quiet. The bed's moving! We have to sneak up on it!"

She let him take her a few steps closer, then Maggie fell back onto the bed, gripping his lapels so that he plummeted with her. She gave a little grunt with his full weight suddenly upon her, but continued to speak low and childlike, her eyes filled with trust and longing. "Stay with me, J. Don't go down to Carolyn. Stay with me…" She pulled him close enough to rest her cheek against his and whisper plaintively in his ear, "Don't be cruel to me, J. Not tonight. Be a good boy, J. Maggie loves you…"

To say that this situation was odd would be an understatement, because the Joker found it downright confounding. Trying to pry her fingers from the lapels of his shirt, he instinctively flinched and jerked his cheek away from hers when she pulled him snugly against her, clearly uncomfortable with her being so close to his scars. "You don't know what you're talking about, you crazy broad - you're completely trashed" he insisted, giving a grunt as he removed her hands from his shirt yet again. "Jesus, for such a small little thing, you've got an awful strong grip! Let go, or I'll tell Carolyn."

He naturally didn't want to go down to that foolish, irritating little blonde, but if it meant getting Maggie to behave, he'd bandy that threat in front of her for all he was worth. Finally managing to roll off of her, the Joker groaned and sat up into a sitting position. Eying her sleepy, dream-like countenance, he decided she must be just a little more tired than she thought. That, after all, would make sense as to why she'd said those odd things to him.

Rising from the bed, he urged, "Just get some sleep, alright? You're gonna have a killer hangover in the morning, but it happens to the best of us."

"Don' leave me, J..." she whispered, "Don't..."

The Joker flinched at her words, his mind's eye conjuring up the image of a little blonde girl clinging desperately to his wrist.

"Don't leave me, Jack...oh, please don't leave me! Daddy might come..."

"C'mon, angel, don't worry about that - dad's been sick, so I doubt he'll come in here tonight."

"But I'm scared, Jack - please stay with me..."

Swallowing the lump in his throat, the Joker hardened his gaze and looked straight ahead at the wall. "You don't need me here" he firmly insisted. "Just get some sleep, alright? You'll thank yourself in the morning."

Carolyn nearly careened into J as she entered Maggie's room. She stepped back and lifted her chin. "Ah, leaving so soon? You perverts work fast!" She saw Maggie lying on the bed at an odd angle, her feet dangling. "For goodness sakes, Jay, couldn't you at least put her to bed? What's the matter, never tucked anyone in before?"

Carolyn did not wait for an answer. She was pulling Maggie up into a sitting position, holding her shoulders to steady her. "Here we go, Magsie, time for Mr. Sandman."

"I want J" Maggie said tearfully.

"Forget Jay," Carolyn said under her breath, giving him a cold glance. "Come on, lean on me while I unzip you." Maggie fell roughly against Carolyn's shoulder as she reached around to the back of her dress.

"But I love him, Cawolyn, I love him." Maggie's voice was muffled in the folds of Carolyn's silk Nehru jacket. She was no longer conscious of J being in the room, her eyes vacant and staring into Carolyn's pale blonde hair.

"I can dig it, honey." Carolyn said, her tone surprisingly gentle. "We always love the ones who least deserve it. Now come on, shimmy shimmy…" Maggie complied, child-like, rocking on her bottom until Carolyn had pulled the mini-dress over her hips. She gathered the material in her fists and was just about to pull it over Maggie's head when she noticed J still standing in the doorway. She curled her lip at him. "What? Waiting for the floor show, freak?"

When Maggie caught the flash of retreating green and purple, she cried out and tried to stand, fighting against Carolyn. "Don't be mean to him, don't make him leave!"

"Sit down, Maggie!" Carolyn wrestled her back to the bed, holding her flailing wrists. "Let him go, he's not worth this. Don't ever make a fool of yourself over some man. Trust me. He's a big nothing, I can tell… You don't need that."

With Maggie's wrists bound in Carolyn's grasp, she had the attitude of prayer as she peered up at her friend plaintively. "Oh, but he needs me, Carolyn! He's all alone and doesn't have anybody… Me, I've got you and Barnabas and Willie, and…but J doesn't have anybody! Something bad happened to him, Carolyn, I just know it. Watch his face when he thinks no one is looking. Oh Carolyn, it breaks my heart…" She surrendered herself to the sobs rising in her throat. "Don't let him leave, Carolyn. He doesn't have to be near me… Oh, he hates me so much, Carolyn, and I don't know why, but he doesn't even have to look at me, just please make him stay…"

Carolyn shook her head sadly. "Maggie, you need help. This isn't like you at all! You didn't react nearly this badly when Joe was taken away, so you need to get it together."

"I'm tired of holding it together!" Maggie snapped, jerking free of Carolyn's grasp. "I'm tired of people telling me how to behave or who to take care of, or who to love!"

Carolyn stared helplessly at her a moment, then pulled back the bed covers. "Well, let's just see how much you still love J in the morning, hmm? I promise to keep the lunatic in the asylum for one more night. Oops, sorry, with your taste in boyfriends, that joke doesn't quite work, does it?"

"Just don't be mean to him," Maggie whimpered, meekly sliding beneath the covers and pulling them up to her chin.

"Alright, I'll be civil, but just barely." Carolyn extinguished the bedside lamp and started for the door.

"And Carolyn…?" Maggie's voice reached her through the darkness, small and fragile. "Don't be too nice to him either, okay?"

Carolyn gave a sarcastic snort. "Hah, don't worry, go to sleep, Maggie-Doo. As in now."

Carolyn walked down the corridor and onto the landing, where she could see J at the bottom of the stairs, threading his arms through his long purple coat. She crossed her arms and glared at him. "Hold on there, Casanova. Going somewhere?"

"Why, are you going to miss me?" the Joker snidely returned, not bothering to turn around as he slipped his hands into his gloves. Flexing his fingers, he re-adjusted the collar to his coat before turning and giving her a displeased look, his chest rising and falling in a deep exhalation of disgust as he shrugged. "Well what do you want me to say, hmm? You kicked me out, so I'm leaving. Buh-lieve me, sugar pie, after rubbing elbows with all sorts of people, I can tell when I'm no longer wanted. Not that, I, uh...really wanted to stay here, mind you. I've still got that shipment to take care of that I mentioned."

Frowning, he stared up at her as if daring her to contradict him, his hands forming into two tight fists as he remembered Maggie's slurred, drunken words. 'Love' wasn't a concept that he understood, and he'd be damned if he stayed around and allowed it to pull him under. Batman had failed because of love - so had Harvey Dent, for that matter - because the heart was the Achilles heel of the body. Love was humanity's one true weakness, and the Joker was determined to have zero weaknesses, especially in regards to something as revolting as caring for the well-being of another. He knew he was indebted to Maggie, yes, but his so-called 'feelings' didn't extend beyond that line of gratitude.

Carolyn sidled down the stairs and peered up at him. Hardly more than five feet tall, she looked like a pale wood nymph in comparison to his hulking frame. She made a "T" gesture with her fingers. "Hey, hey, truce okay? Will you just hear me out? I realize you find our hospitality repugnant and believe me, I have no love for you either, buddy-boy, but that girl –" she pointed up the stairs behind her, "– that girl up there has it in her head that she loves you. I can't fathom why, and frankly I think you've slipped her some mind altering Timothy Leary concoction, but the fact remains that she is falling for you. In all my years with her I've never seen her this way for anybody, not Joe and certainly not his cousin Tom when they dated back in the dark ages. If her Pop were here, he'd just send her to Florida to see her Aunt Emma or something, anything to get her the hell away from you. But I'm not her Pop and I can't make her pain go away, and apparently your leaving is going to make her worse off than she already has been for months now. Yeah, I know you think it's not your problem, and that she's some big bother to you now, but she became your problem when you elected to spend the night with her last night."

She let her words sink in. "Yes, I saw the guest bathroom. You have Maggie in such a muddle she forgot to clean the ring out of the tub." The Joker opened his mouth to speak, but Carolyn raised a finger, silencing him. "I'm not making assumptions about what happened last night. It's none of my business, though I really think it's in bad taste to deflower my best friend in the room next to where she teaches David trigonometry. If you slept with her and you're about to bail without so much as a goodbye, then you're a bigger swine than I ever imagined. If you didn't, then there's got to be a mighty powerful reason why you've remained here for over 24 hours, and I can't imagine it's Maggie's cooking, though granted her cinnamon apples are pretty good."

She could see him growing ever more restless, shifting on his feet and clenching his fists, then spreading his fingers wide like a spider's legs. "Look Jay," Carolyn continued, a bit more gently, "if you really want to leave her, then do it like a man. Don't skulk out of here leaving her to cry in her coffee. People have left her all her life, and according to her, you know a little about that sort of thing, too. Maybe that's what brought you two together…maybe misery really does acquaint one with strange bedfellows, and you're certainly one hell of a Caliban, I'll tell ya that. But that girl crying herself to sleep up there is the best friend you could have. She's the best gal ever, and she deserves better than you, but it's you she wants. As her friend I'd like to see her happy. She's been unhappy for so long, Jay, so I'm asking you, if you're gonna leave, then do it subtly. Let her cut the chord when she's ready. Give her something to occupy her heart awhile, because she obviously needs it."

When he remained silent she crossed her arms and sighed. "I'm not a woman accustomed to saying please, but I'll say it now if …if that's the only way. So please, Jay. Stay the night. Get your shipment in the morning, or go and come back, just…just be here when she wakes up."

She wrapped her arms around the banister and waited for his answer.

"Fine" the Joker snarled, "but don't expect me to be all buddy-buddy with you now that we've got a so-called truce." Irritably removing his coat, he turned his back to Carolyn and wondered what the hell he was doing. Maybe he'd only said yes because he was tired, or maybe it was the fact that while talking, Carolyn looked so much like her, but whatever the reason, he found that he didn't want to discover what was truly keeping him there. He had no obligation to Maggie, whatsoever, so with a bitter scowl he turned back around to look Carolyn in the eye.

"She doesn't love me" he firmly declared. "Believe me, I know – she's just confused and is willing to latch onto the first man who comes into her life. And lonely?" He gave a disbelieving scoff, his head shaking as he returned, "I am not lonely, peaches. If anything, I enjoy being alone, because it keeps me faaaaar, far away from clingy little bunnies like you two."

A little gasp caught in her throat. "I don't have to cling to anyone to get a man, Mister! And newsflash, the whole 'Lone Wolf' routine is a bore. We're on to that one. It's just another way of remaining emotionally unavailable so you can do whatever the heck you want, when you want, and we're supposed to find it oh-so-sexy that you're dispossessed and cut off because of some deeeeep, dark secret or longing for the one that got away. Blah blah blah. If you opened those impudent eyes of yours, you'd see life is a lot nicer with someone that loves you, for whatever perverse reason. But go ahead, throw away a chance at something decent! It's your funeral."

She turned and moved slowly up the stairs, stopping halfway. "Oh, and I assume you can find your way to your room again. Towels are in the airing cupboard, third door to the left. I'm not your maid."

The Joker gave a low snarl, "Coulda fooled me, princess - with an attitude like yours, you'd have to cling to a man, since I can clearly see why he'd want to run for the hills." Fuming, he folded his arms and lowly added, "I do not have a 'one who got away' story, and I do not want to be sexy to some empty-headed female such as yourself. If I did, don't you think I'd actually be trying to get you to like me instead of the opposite?"

Now irritably tromping after her, he muttered, "Love is a weakness, yet I suppose you haven't caught on to that yet, sugar pop. Don't worry, you'll learn with time...you're just too young to understand that."

"Oh, don't worry Jay, if your goal was to not be sexy, you've succeeded with flying colors. Purple and green, to be exact." She applauded him sarcastically as they nearly stalked each other up the stairs. "You don't have to be sexy for me, but it wouldn't hurt for you to be kind to Mag-pie. And "love is a weakness," eh? Thank you for enlightening me. How poetic. Did you think that up all by yourself? Oh, come on, Jay! How droll!"

She didn't give him time to answer, for she had reached her bedroom door and slammed it in his face.

Willie Loomis flattened himself against the intersecting wall, peering around the corner as Carolyn and the stranger made their way down the corridor, arguing fiercely. When she slammed the door, the freak stood uncertainly a moment, his fists clenched in fury. Willie reached for the assurance of the revolver that rested in the dark recesses of his pocket. He would use it if he had to, if that fiend went to Maggie's room. But no, he crashed into the guest room near Maggie's classroom, slamming the door and cursing under his breath.

Willie had waited in the foliage near the lanai for what seemed like an eternity, keeping enough distance that he could only see when the stranger emerged from the kitchen, pressing the bridge of his nose and sitting roughly at the table. Soon afterwards Maggie had been carried away by the monster, and Willie had inwardly panicked when it seemed that Carolyn was in no hurry to intervene. When she finally followed, he'd taken the opportunity to sneak in by the lanai entrance. He knew Collinwood well and took the backstairs to Maggie's room, waiting in the shadows for the opportunity to either save her or kill her aggressor. He was determined to do one or the other.

Maggie looked like an angel lying amongst the blue coverlets, her lips parted, one dainty hand curled on the pillow beside her. Willie knelt beside her and shook her gently. "M-Maggie? Wake up, huh, will ya? Wake up."

"J?" Maggie's eyes fluttered. She sat up groggily, and after slowly recognizing Willie crouching there, had the mortifying realization that she was in her bra and panties. "Willie Loomis!" She yanked the coverlet in one hand and did a roundhouse slap to his cheek with the other.

Clutching his stinging cheek, Willie's eyes widened in shock over the less than appealing reception, his lower lip protruding as he insisted, "Maggie, I-I-I was just' seein' if you were alright! I saw how that monster broughtcha up here, so I wanted ta make sure he didn't do nothin' to ya..." Respectfully averting his gaze when he realized her state of dress, he blushed slightly and mumbled, "He didn't hurtcha, right?"

Maggie glared at him. "Why does everyone assume I...we …uh…oh, God…"

Forgetting all propriety, she threw back the covers and stumbled to her adjoining bath, abruptly slamming the door behind her. She barely made it in time to empty what seemed like a bottle of gin and half a digested lobster.

Willie stood at the door, wincing and listening to her tortured heavings. "Y-you got morning sickness already, Maggie? I'll kill the bastard, I will!"

Maggie rested her forehead against the cool porcelain. "It doesn't work quite that fast, Willie." She struggled to stand, but felt her legs wouldn't cooperate. She lay in the fetal position along the curve of the commode base. "Go away, Willie," she called, hearing the brush of his hand against the door. "I'm alright, I'm just ill…food poisoning, no doubt. He won't hurt me because Carolyn is here… She won't let him. Now please, just go away!"

With a dejected look on his face, Willie pitifully nodded before mumbling, "Yeah, sure, alright Maggie…j-jus' call on me if you need anything, alright?" Trudging slowly out of her room as if, by some miracle of miracles, he expected her to pop out of the bathroom and beg him to stay, Willie sighed and continued down the hallway until he stopped in front of the guest bedroom. Glowering at the door since he knew that that…that thing resided behind the oak slab, the servant clenched his fists before taking a deep breath and continuing on his way.

The Joker, meanwhile, was spread out across his bed with one arm draped over his eyes, his scarred mouth in a grim line as he replayed Carolyn's words over and over in his head: 'That girl up there has it in her head that she loves you. I can't fathom why, frankly I think you've slipped her some mind altering Timothy Leary concoction, but the fact remains that she is falling for you.'

With an embittered snort, the clown prince pulled the covers over his head and groaned into his pillow. He was not in the mood to deal with some foolish, lovelorn bunny, yet for whatever reason he'd agreed to stay put. With any luck, Maggie would soon realize her mistake and move on, because he was not the type for love and romance.

Dark shadows danced across his eyes at the thought, his lips drawing further downward into a deep-set scowl as he contemplated all that he'd lost. He could have been the domestic, picket fence-loving type, but his aspirations had been destroyed with the death of Sarah, and then later on his entire family. No one was left for him in his cruel, cruel little world of dashed hopes and broken dreams, but he'd be damned if he opened himself up just because Carolyn said it'd be "good" for both him and Maggie. How did she know what was good for his soul? She didn't know him… Hell, he didn't know her, either, but he was fully aware that she was wrong with her assumptions of him 'needing' someone. He'd lived thirteen full years of his life on his own, so what made Carolyn think he was willing to change now?

With a deep exhalation, the Joker felt his lashes flutter closed as he gripped at his pillow, visions of Sarah, his sister, and Maggie dancing across his vision before he finally lost all consciousness and entered the world of repose.