Fallen

 

AN: This leads straight into my other story Dozen, which is a bit more explicit, and will be updated periodically. Please check that out as well. Thanks for reading!

 

3.







He watched her as he made their tea. The sun had already dipped below the skyline of the Senate District, and it was starting to get dark. Aala stood on the balcony of her apartment, watching the traffic and the lights - and thinking...what? He wasn’t sure.



A chance meeting – he saw her every once in awhile, had even worked with her a few times, but usually they were too busy to stop for even a moment – this time had been different. He only bumped into her at the Senate building that afternoon. That had led to a cup of caf, which had led to dinner later that evening, which led to him bringing her a cup of tea on her balcony... and... then what?



Handling the hot tea carefully, he stepped out into the cool night air. There was a breeze; it ruffled his hair, a little longer now than before. She thanked him and smiled as he handed her the extra cup. She sipped it and turned back toward the air lanes of Coruscant.



He wondered if she would ask him to stay. He was afraid she wouldn’t. He was afraid she would get hurt if he did.



The thought truly hadn’t entered his mind until they had walked into her apartment and she had shut and locked the door behind them. He quickly and easily recalled the last time they had been this alone. They had been on Naboo; he had stayed to help oversee the restoration of order and take a reprieve himself after the vigor of the last few weeks and a day or two to grieve for the loss of his master. Turns out it was quite easy to loose yourself in that palace.



He told himself he had felt the need to keep an eye on her, but if he was being honest, he was drawn to her. Curious about her - her honesty, her recklessness, her eyes... and she had a knack for finding him. Though she had promised she wouldn’t leave the palace again, one night she disappeared, without telling him, and twisted her ankle slipping on the rain slicked rocks on the way back. It took him too long to find her and she was not in good condition.



Later, in her room, with her ankle wrapped and her body beginning to warm again, she had asked him to stay. And he had. The kiss was unexpected. He couldn’t remember who had moved first.



***



“Stay,” she whispered, her breath caressing his lips, her deep blue eyes searching his face.



“I – ” How had they gotten this close? He could feel her heart pounding in her chest, could feel the heat from the flush that now spread from her face and down the column of her neck. Brushing her hair away from her temple he moved his hand to press his palm against her cheek. He didn’t know what to say.



She seemed to sense this, and pulled back a little, giving him space. “Obi-Wan... I know you can’t give me anything. I just want to be with you, even if it’s only for one night.”



He lost himself in the sincerity of her eyes. “I don’t have to leave for two.” He couldn’t resist teasing her.



She smiled slowly. “Alright, two.”



***



“It’s getting late.” Or maybe he was getting impatient. Except he was a jedi and jedi weren’t impatient; Obi-Wan Kenobi was not impatient.



Finally, she turned to him. She looked down, then boldly met his gaze. “You don’t have to go.”



And yet he hesitated.



But she smiled. “Nothing’s changed, Obi-Wan. I know nothing’s changed. I don’t want anything from you; I just want to be with you, even if it’s only tonight.” She said those words like she had been planning them forever, but he thought he could still see a hint of uncertainty on her face.



“I don’t want to hurt you.” There. He said it.



“I’m tougher than I look,” she answered surely. “Besides,” she shrugged and her eyes took on a mischievous glint, “it’s nothing we haven’t done before.”



But it had been easier before, when he was younger, and hurting, and they were so isolated, they might as well have been in their own little galaxy; and when he knew he’d be leaving the planet in a matter of days.



***



“Aala,” her name was an affirmation, a caress, a plea. He drew his arm tight around her, pulling her body close to his. Their eyes locked and he studied the blue depths, searching for any reason he shouldn’t do what he was about to do, but he could find nothing. Her innocence was real, her desire was pure, her understanding was clear.



***



And it was the same now, and in the middle of the night, when there was nowhere he had to be, faced with the promise of her soft smile, and the knowledge that she would, in fact, be able to let him go in the morning, he couldn’t come up with a reason to resist.



“Aala...” his voice was husky as he brushed his fingertips across her cheek and slid his hand into her hair, pulling her close with his other arm. She closed her eyes and leaned into his body, and he brushed his nose against the sensitive skin just below her ear, nuzzling her neck and rubbing his stubbled cheek against her softer one. “Aala – ” he repeated, nipping at her earlobe. She shuddered in his arms, and he pulled her even closer, whispering, her skin warm against his lips. “ – there are about a dozen things I want to do to you that we never got the chance to do before.”

---

 

She lay in the peacefulness of Obi-Wan’s arms, but sleep evaded her. In the few years since they had reunited on Coruscant, these opportunities seemed to come very few and far between - she sometimes felt like all they had were a series of stolen moments, but then she had always known that this would be the way of things.



For once, their schedules had co-ordinated. She’d just returned from Naboo. With the Senate relatively quiet and her work at a lull, she’d quickly decided a brief visit home was in order and long over due. Obi-Wan had been away, off-planet, and they’d happened to return at the same time. She was loathe to just sleep through the short amount of time she had with him.



The problem, however, was that it gave her mind time to wander. And wander it did – into territory she really didn’t want to dwell over.



Usually, she would tell herself it didn’t matter, that she had never wanted a family of her own, anyway. There was no room for children in this life, or any other she had ever dreamt up for herself. And that was the end of it, and she would move on. Usually.



But now, laying here in the dark, all she could think about was her family. She’d forgotten how good it felt - her father’s stories, her mother’s laugh, Sola’s teasing and her children... they were simply beautiful – bright, shining lights. She loved her nieces so much. And she couldn’t help but wonder what if.



She shifted under the blanket, sliding closer to Obi-Wan’s warm body and wrapping her arm tight around his waist. But even if she was with someone else, someone who was not bound by duty as Obi-Wan was, even if, it wouldn’t matter. Her fate had been decided long ago. In the blink of an eye, her entire life had altered course.



Telling Obi-Wan had been hard, although she couldn’t remember why. They’d really only known each other for a couple days and she certainly hadn’t had any expectations of him. Maybe she felt they’d both already experienced too much pain; she wanted nothing more than to leave it all in the past.



***



The first twinges of regret were beginning to seep their way into Obi-Wan’s consciousness. The lights had long ago been turned out, and the heavy clouds outside hid whatever light may have come from the Nubian moons. Obi-Wan lay on his back staring through the darkness to the ceiling. Sleep was elusive. Aala lay curled on her side, blankets pulled securely up over her shoulder, facing away from him.



He didn’t think she was asleep, either. She had drifted off after... well, *after* but now she seemed restless.



This was awkward. At best.



His thoughts returned to his doubts, despite what she had said. Had he taken advantage of her? After all, she was hurt, emotionally distraught and alone...



He felt sick to his stomach, he hadn’t thought he was taking advantage of her at the time...



What if – she did fall in love with him?



What if she became attached?



What if she wanted more?



The last thing he wanted was to hurt her, break her heart, cause her more pain.



What if...



“Oh, blast...” he muttered to himself as a very alarming thought suddenly popped into his head. How could he have been such a fool?



Aala chose that moment to turn toward him. “Obi?” Her voice sounded small and fragile. Maybe if he didn’t move, he could simply disappear into the bed. “Are you awake?” She whispered.



“Yes,” he breathed. When she didn’t say anything, he finally turned toward her. She was lying on her side, her head resting on her hands, the blankets still pulled up over her shoulders.



“You...” she started. “I mean – I . . .” She took a deep breath. “I couldn’t bear it if you regretted this.” She said in a hurry.



“I don’t,” he assured her, then berated himself in his head. ‘How quick I am to lie to a beautiful woman,’ he thought. “I just, Aala, we didn’t... we weren’t...” Even in the dark, he could see her eyes grow wide as he fumbled for the right words, ‘she’s probably wondering what in space I am trying to say’ “Were you... protected?”



“Oh,” she blinked. “I, uh–”   she stammered. “Umm, I...” she shook her head, a pained expression contorting her soft features. “I can’t... have children...”



He was dumbfounded; he hadn’t been expecting that.

                                           

 Or the pain that was now evident on her face.    



“I’m sorry,” she continued. “I should’ve told you.” She swallowed. “I was in an accident, awhile ago...” she trailed off.



It didn’t matter, he could guess the rest. The look on her face was heartbreaking and it was obvious he still had so much to learn. How many lessons had this one girl taught him in just the few short days he had known her?



“It’s alright,” he reached out to her and pulled her close. “I’m sorry,” he whispered into her hair. And he had only been worried about himself, what any of this might mean for him, for his jedi morals. He felt like a jerk.



“It was a shuttle crash. I don’t remember any of it. There - there were only a few survivors.”



There were no words that could fix this atrocity, that could make any of what had happened to her any better. So, he simply held her in his arms. They had both lost so much.



He felt a tear drop on his chest and they laid in silence together for a long time, until Aala turned in his embrace to look up at him. She wiped the tears off her cheek. “I don’t want to think about the past. Or the future. None of that matters to me right now.” She moved to press her lips against his, and he kissed her back. Letting the blankets fall away, she rested her body flush against his, pulling him deeper into the kiss.



They came together in a slow, quiet way that melted his heart; he’d never known peace like this.



*



Dawn found them still awake, Aala sat on the bed facing Obi-Wan, her knees pulled up to her chest, wearing his thin sleep shirt. He was lying with his head propped up on his hand, the doubts he’d had only a few hours ago no longer plagued him. The daylight brought new understanding.



She laughed when he told her he worried he had taken advantage of her. “I twisted my ankle, and I was angry my little sister wasn’t doing what I wanted her to do.”



“She could have been killed.” He said half incredulously.



“But she wasn’t, she wasn’t even injured. You’ve been through a lot more. Maybe it is I who am taking advantage of you.” She smiled poking him in the chest.



He grabbed her hand pulling her towards him. “Not likely,” he said, laughing.



She smiled and laid down next to him on her back. His hand drifted to her stomach and he hesitated, not wanting to make her uncomfortable, but his curiosity won out in the end. He had made the decision to never have a family. What would it feel like to have it taken away? To never have the choice?



Resting the palm of his hand against the curve of her stomach, he looked down then back up at her. She sighed covering his hand with her own. “I never really thought that much about having children, not like my sisters. Maybe I knew somehow, that it wasn’t in the cards for me. It would just be nice to have the option...” She smiled again, reassuring him. “I’m okay with it. I just wasn’t expecting to have to answer that question last night.” Her smile grew wider, “You must’ve been going crazy with worry.”



“It’s not funny, I would’ve been cast out of the Order!”



She turned serious. “For one mistake? Everyone makes mistakes. Even Jedi Knights.”



“That would be a pretty big mistake, and the council is not terribly forgiving.”



She sighed and looked away. “We shouldn’t have done this.”



He caught her chin in his fingers and turned her head so she would meet his eyes. “No regrets, remember? I’m not allowed to become attached, have a relationship. Duty comes first, I can’t promise you anything, I can’t - I can’t come see you. But I won’t forget you or what this means to me.”



She nodded and he knew that was all she wanted.



***



She breathed deeply and Obi-wan stirred. He wrapped his arm around her pulling her close to him, then running his fingers through the ends of her hair. “What are you thinking about?” he asked quietly.



“Naboo,” was her simple answer.



He understood.