More Than Darkness
32
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This is a crossover smutty story featuring the character of
Tess/Salida ie Tess' Voice in Neon Dasies' OUATIM fics on ff.net, More Than
Eyes Alone Can See, and More Than Life,
and Sands/Jeffrey from Merrie's OUATIM fic on ff.net, Darkness Rising. This story
will make some sense, probably, if you read it without having read either of
our stories, but it'll make a hell of a lot more if you just read them. They're
all worth reading, we promise. Anyway, on with the show.
Rated for what has happened, and what might happen.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“Sands? What are you
thinking about, my love?” Sitting in a
worn La-Z-Boy with an IV in her arm and the TV droning in the background, she
reached over and brushed his face with the tips of her fingers.
Sands started when
she touched him and turned to her quickly with wide eyes before visibly calming
down. “Sorry.
“What are you
thinking about?” Her voice was as soft
and soothing as she could make it.
“You don’t want to
know,” he murmured under his breath, cursing his overactive imagination and his
. . . phobia of hospitals and doctors. He
didn’t like calling that, but it was more than just plain fear.
“Yes I do.
fears – robs them of their power.” He
wasn’t convinced, so she tried another tack.
“Besides, there’s nothing good on.”
He cast a ce tce toward
the television and then back at her. “I
was dreaming up worst-case scenarios about being in this fucking hospital.
“Like what?” she
asked softly, leaning over so she could rest her head against his shoulder.
A brief image of
himself screaming, strapped to a gurney being wheeled fast down a blinding
white corridor by faceless doctors in white coats with syri of of mind numbing
drugs passed before his eyes and he shook his head.
“You know I’d never
let anything happen to you,” she soothed.
“As your wife I have some
power in these things. Nothing can
happen to you here without my consent.”
Sands just looked
at her as if he didn’t believe a word.
“It’s true.
that you didn’t want.”
Sands wanted to
feel relief at what she was telling him, but he couldn’t.
doctors here knew what he was and what he had done they’d lock him up in a
heartbeat no matter what Aida said. Maybe
it was an irrational fear – Sands personally didn’t think so – but it was real
enough to him and it wasn’t letting him go.
“Don’t you know I’d
do anything for you?” She wanted so
badly to calm his fears.
“Yes.”
any more than he could.
“Do you want to go
for a walk around the block? I’ll be
done in another twenty minutes. You can
go and I’ll meet you out front.”
“I’m alright,” he
said, almost believing it. “Don’t want
to leave you.”
“And I don’t like
watching you brood. I’ll be alright.”
The objection
sprang to his lips, he was not
brooding, but he held it back. “No.
“Then that’s okay
too.” Sighing, she lifted her head a
bit. “I take it you’re at least somewhat
recovered from the big news? I didn’t
see you at all yesterday.”
“Recovered?
“And why is
that? Resigned to what?”
“Resigned to the
fact that, for all accounts and purposes, I’m going to be a father without
every having slept with the woman having the child.
creeping into his voice.
“To what accounts
and purposes?” she asked. “Something
tells me that Salida and Jeffrey won’t be begging you babysit and they won’t be
pinning this on you. They’re not going
to ask you to change diapers, be up all night with a colicky baby, or warm up
bottles.” Swallowing her own feelings on
the matter, she asked, “How is it different than if you’d donated sperm to a
couple who wanted a baby?”
Sands frowned at
that. “It’s not the same,” he insisted.
want it to be mine.”
“But you don’t want
a kid,” she pointed out wryly.
“No, not really.
want it turning out like me.
“Well, just look at
things this way – you don’t have to carry the baby for nine months.”
“Thank God.
of people,” he said absently.
Aida ignored that
last comment. “Oh look, here comes the
nurse. We can go soon.”
“Halle-fucking-lujah,”
he muttered under his breath, rising to his feet to greet the nurse.
The attendant was
pleasant enough, but obviously eager to go on her lunch break.
several beeping machines, competently taping a cotton ball over the puncture
wound, and then discharging them.
Walking out of the
medical building and into the strong sunlight, Aida stuck close to her husband’s
side. “I don’t want to go back yet.
“That’s fine by me.
Where do you want to go?”
“Let’s just
walk. I won’t have the energy to do so
for too much longer.”
Sands made a face.
hospital, so fine. You want to walk, we’ll
walk.”
“We won’t wander
too far. After all, we’d have to walk
back to the car eventually.” The private
medical practice that Aida’s doctor had suggested was in one of the older parts
of
people had lived and done business in for a hundred years or more.
stores tucked away in this part of town, and Salida had always enjoyed window
shopping.
“Eventually,” Sands
repeated, not liking the sound of that.
the way, spitfire.”
They’d been
wandering for about forty-five minutes when they came across a small used-book
store. Aida stopped in front of it,
practically trembling with eagerness to go in.
“I take it you want
to go in?” Sands drawled with a smirk, noticing her eagerness.
“Can we?”
in her pale face, a smile beaming at him.
“What would you do
to me if I said no?” he asked with a grin.
“Can I get some?”
“Get as many as you
want. Go crazy,” he said with a smile.
Twenty minutes
later, Sands was handing over several twenties as the bookstore employee loaded
paperbacks and hardbacks into three or for plastic bags.
as many books as she wanted . . . or at least as many as could be carried
between the two of them. There were
fantasies, science fiction, historical fiction, romance novels, poetry, plays,
even children’s books. Anything that had
caught her eye, Aida had tried to get.
“You even remember
half the stuff you got in here?” Sands asked wryly, looking over the bags laden
with stacks of books.
“No.
hands to find out. And when I’m done
with them, I’ll donate the nicer ones to the library, and the rest can go to Goodwill
or something.” She took three of the
bags, and left one for Sands to carry. “We
can go now if you want. I won’t even
make you cook dinner.”
“Really?
incredulity into his voice as he could manage.
“I was thinking
that Chinese might be nice, but if you want to cook that badly . . . .”
“Chinese it is,”
Sands said without hesitation.
******************************
**************************<***
As Sands was driving them home, they drove by a
multiplex. Aida reached over and rested
a hand on his leg. “Let’s go to a movie.”
she wasn’t ready to give that up yet.
“A movie?
pulled into the parking lot.
“Well, there’s not
a whole lot playing.” Aida leaned
forward in her seat and scanned the marquee.
“Let’s see . . . some cartoon, what looks like a family movie . . .
something rated ‘R’ – oh, you should like that.”
Sands quirked an
eyebrow at her. “Oh I should, should I?
looking at her with a wry look.
“Because something
tells me that unless a movie has a lot of action, violence, gore, cursing, etc,
it’s not going to hold your interest.”
Sands reached over
and grabbed her hand, placing a kiss on her palm.
he groaned. “Sorry about that, blame
Jeffrey,” he muttered.
“I don’t mind . . .
I suppose that under the right circumstances it could be endearing.
left or something.” Twisting her hand to
twine her fingers with his, she asked, “So do you want to go in?
mob movie.”
“Why not?
the end, I say what the hell,” he said with a smirk, releasing her hand only to
get out of the car, but letting her reclaim it as they walked up to the
theater.
“And what makes you
think the bad guy gets away in the end?”
“Those are always
the best movies. And villains are always
the most interesting characters, don’t you think?”
all knowledge that he had killed. He
didn’t think throwing that knowledge in her face would be such a good idea.
struggle of the protagonist not to become like his enemy be just as intriguing?”
she asked while Sands paid for their tickets.
At the time of day, there weren't too many people around – families with
young kids, some teenagers roaming in groups, a few singles.
Sands shrugged.
more fun,” he muttered, handing her one of the tickets.
no he couldn’t have. He would be lying
to himself if he believed that. At
heart, he was a villain. There were
nothing of a hero in his character, only a love of the kill.
damsels to save in his future. Only more
people to kill, more bodies to bury. And
he was good at it. He was good at
killing. Perhaps it was the only thing
he truly did well.
“Popcorn?” Aida
asked, switching the topic for the moment.
He was getting that brooding look on his face again, and she didn’t like
it.
“If you want some,
go ahead. I don’t want any,” he said
with a wave of his hand.
something to drink? Or any candy?
“Too sweet.
so I just got used to not eating or wanting it,” he said with a shrug.
“If you don’t eat
any popcorn, then how are we supposed to ‘accidentally’ touch hands?” she asked
in mock exasperation, hands on hips.
“What do you mean?”
he asked with a frown.
want to do that? You don’t want to hold
my hand?”
She sighed.
known each other long, and they go to see a movie, they often flirt with each
other by brushing hands as they both go for popcorn,” she explained.
there with the guy pretending to stretch and then wrapping his arm around his
date. Didn’t you go to any movies with
girlfriends as a teenager?”
“No.
frowned. “We’re married, spitfire.
and even seduce me into your bed if you like.
was speaking tuned back into a confused frown again.
“Well, now I want
to. You’re going to be properly schooled
in flirting by the time I’m done with you.
And there will be a test, so
pay attention.” She bought popcorn and a
drink and a box of licorice.
Sands rolled his
eyes. “Alright, fine.
into the theater by placing a hand on the small of her back.
“See, you’re already
learning,” she teased.
“What? “You’re being “Points? “Points. “But you already “The point is that “I don’t feel like Aida sighed, but “Thank you. “If marriage were “You love because I’m “It’s one of the “What do you mean, ‘boss “I’m ‘afraid’ that “Alright. . .” he “Yes, oh wise ****************************** “So wait, this guy’s a cop pretending to be in the Mafia, “Only you would say “What? An old man behind Aida turned to deal “That’s what I “Just watch your movie.” “You’re no fun,” he ****************************** As they left the theater, both of them blinking as they Perhaps it was “If you could go “Just humor me,” he “Anywhere in the She shook her head, Sands shrugged. “Then we’ll have to ono on a trip sometime,” she said, waiting for him to unlock her door so she “Why sometime? “We . . . we can’t “Forget them. “But I have another “Will you die in “No . . .” “Then what’s What “Then let’s go. “Ok. ****************************** “You’re not going to sleep the entire flight, are you?” “Then lean your “I’m not tired,” he “Are you worried “God, I fucking The plane was “Don’t get me “Then why are we “We’re doing this “I won’t be Salida,” “I’m not asking you “I will.” She nodded and “You know, I’ve “Never?” he asked “The farthest I’ve “Well that sounds “Your mom worked?” “Not in the way you “My mom ran “Sounds . . . interesting,” “What? Sands let out a “What did you do ept ept to myself a “I read, wI “Did you always “That or be a rock ‘n “I didn’t know what “When did . . . ?” “When did I start Aida closed her She wanted to An emotionless mask had been thrown up over “Do you want to “Why not?” he muttered By this time Aida “Getting my Masters She clung to him, “I’m sorry . . . I But couldn’t he do Did she make any “I can’t change. By this point, Sands eyes drifted “I know,” she “Sometimes I wish. And she wanted that “No. “Shh,” she hushed “You matter,” he Once she was sure ****************************** Sands started awake suddenly, his eyes going wide as he took “S’alright. “Why did you let me “I thought you “Oh. “Don’t be. “But you don’t . . “I also don’t like “I’m still sorry. She glanced up and “I’m more content “What do you mean? “You said you Sands gave her a “For what? “Just . . . listening. Aida wanted to “What’s wrong?” he Sands gave her a She immediately Aida let him hold “When does our “In about “Then yes. “I’ve got one,” she “Then let’s go. “No, I was planning “I didn’t know . . “Sands, wait up!” Sands closed his “We’ll get “No, it’s ok. “No. “Fine. “Alright. Sands nodded. “Oh my . . . Sheldon! “Great Aunt The overbearing Sands couldn’t say “You need to be “What are you doing “Oh you know me, Sands was just “Are you quite Sands felt himself “I’m sorry, “I know just the “Oh alright, lead As soon as the two ****************************** “Are you sure you know where you’re going, Sheldon? “Trust me, Aunt “Of course you may! Sands took the dog ****************************** Aida was sitting in an uncomfortable plastic chair, legs She was still “Aida? She looked up at “About what?” he “Us. “What do you mean?” “Like . . . if you “Oh. “Shh,” she hushed “You’re here. “Salida would,” she “Yes, she probably “I’m sorry,” Aida “Yes, it does,” he “I do . . . but it “I can’t show you She let her mind work Sands nodded “That’s reassuring,” “I won’t lie and She wished he hadn’t ****************************** It’s fucking hotter “Find somewhere to “Sounds like a plan ****************************** “Welcome to the Hawaii Prince Hotel. “Yes, we’d like a “I’m sorry sir, all “I’ll take whatever’s “Oh well congratulations. “Perfect. “Very good, Mr. and Sands nodded and The elevator ride “Sands?” she said “If it were up to “Ok.” Sands unlocked and Sands rolled his The room was There were no rooms There were no “That view is “I’ve never stayed “I love the beach . They stayed at the “Take a nap. She grinned and Sands shrugged. “You don’t have to “No, a nap sounds “Alright.” “I love you, Aida,”
polite. A gentleman.
he asked, utterly confused by this point as to where she was going with all
this.
sure you have a very firm grasp of?” He
was still looking at her as if she were speaking a foreign language.
bed with the first guy they meet. There
has to be something there that they like, being a gentleman for example.
decide whether or not to pursue a relationship.”
pursed this relationship. We’re fucking
married.” He paused, and the frown that
he gave her held a touch of suspicion. “Why
are you doing this? What’s the point?
have to go through all of this?” He let her enter the theater ahead of him,
electing her to choose their seats.
you missed out on part of the dating experience,” she explained, leading the
way. “I’m not doing this to torture you –
I’m doing it for fun. Just because we’re
married and you can score practically any time you want to doesn’t mean that we
can’t flirt and have fun.” She picked
two seats halfway down the theater, and halfway across.
playing games, spitfire. I’m not in the
mood.” The look he gave her was just shy
of regul. ul. “Can’t we just sit here
and watch the movie without all the rest?
But not now.”
mood for games. Thinking about all the
people you’ve killed and the reaction your wife would have if she really knew
the full fucking truth about them tended to be a little . . . depressing.
nodded. this just as she had in the matter of his name.
“I love you,” she offered as apology and peace offering.
armrest between them alipplipping his arm around her shoulders and pulling herose,ose, kissing her forehead. “I don’t
mean to be fucking difficult,” he muttered softly after a few minutes of
silence, waiting for the movie to begin.
easy, everyone would make it,” she pointed out wryly.
make you unique. And that’s one of the
reasons I love you.”
difficult?” he asked wryly, raising an eyebrow as he looked down at her as if
to say he thought she was completely insane.
reasons, yes. What would I do with a
husband who I could boss around without fear?
How boring would that get?”
Previews for upcoming movies started playing.
around without fear?’ You’re afraid of
me?” The frowned returned, his brow
furrowing with it this time.
you won’t do every single thing I want you to do.
you won’t do every single thing I want you to.
I didn’t mean a literaar, ar, just the knowledge that I don’t have
absolute power in this relationship, and I wouldn’t want it even if I had
it. You
don’t scare me. Except perhaps you get
in one of your moods and want to get drunk, but that’s another matter
entirely. It’s more like afraid
drawled. “Look, let’s just fucking
forget all this and just watch the movie, ok?”
husband of mine,” she teased gently.
Before he could retort, she rested her head against his shoulder and
turned her attention to the screen.
******************************
right? That’s the story?” Sands asked
softly, wanting to make sure he understood what was happening.
liked, but it was still a half-decent movie.
being in the Mafia better than the FBI?” he smirked as he said this.
that,” she whispered back. Then cocking
her head a little to the side, she murmured, “Don’t you think that guy looks a
little bit like you? an>Lan>Like, if you had
shorter hair and he was better looking?”
pussy FBI agent? I’d never be in the
FBI. Bunch of boring fug bug bureaucrats
if you ask me. He doesn’t look a thing
like me. I think you might need to get
your eyes checked, spitfire,” he drawled.
them rudely interrupted and asked if they were going to be talking the entire
time.
with him before her husband could. “Possibly.
fucking hate about going to the movies,” Sands muttered under his breath.
mumbled, but didn’t speak up about the man again.
******************************
emerged into the bright sun, Aida sighed in contentment and longing.
She didn’t. She wantore ore time
with Sands. Salida had had Jeffrey to
herself for a long time, and while she could admit this probably wasn’t the
best time for an extended vacation, she wanted more time.
selfish. Perhaps she just needed time to
know her husband better.< sty style='mso-spacerun:yes'> Perhaps it was
because a very small, cold voice was telling her that this was all she had and
she’d best make the most of it before time ran out.
back.
anywhere, where would it be, spitfire?”
woke her from her musings.
said, squeezing her hand.
world?” He nodded.
she asked, as if there was a wrong answer to his question.
Hmm . . . that’s really where you’d go?”
he asked absently, staring off into the distance in thought.
he muttered to himself.
a smile on her face. “Why?
be cold this time of year isn’t somewhere I’d want to go. And I like cities.
could get into the car. “Why the sudden
curiosity?”
for her and moving around to the driver’s side, but get getting in.
with you, right now? I don’t care where.
Pick someplace.
so be it,” he said with a shrug, speaking over the roof of the car.
just go,” she protested, more because it was what was expected of her than
really having any confidence in her own words.
“What about –”
appreciate some time to herself.” Sands
didn’t really believe this, but he didn’t really care either.
one. It’s only right,” he said with a
smirk.
treatment on Friday,” she breathed, highly tempted by his offer.
the next few days if you don’t get it?”
The words sounded flippant, but cou could see he was deadly serious.
this.
stopping you?”
I’m willing, I’ve got the money. We can
buy whatever we need when we get there. Let’s
just go. style='mso-spacerun:yes'> He was fng ong oddly hyper.
important. And only just.
him when he found out what was happening, but he genuinely didn’t care.
Let’s do it.”
******************************
Sands asked with a frown as Aida prepared to lean back in her first class seat
as if making to sleep. “What the hell am
I going to do for nine or however many hours this thing’s going to take?
safety spiels as Sands frowned and turned to her.
earlier, but I really hate flying.”
misinterpret that. “I’m not going to
freak out or anything, I just really, really, hate it,” he muttered.
chair back and come talk to me,” she murmured.
“And it’d probably be good for you to get some sleep eventually – you’ll
want to be bright eyed and bushy tailed when we get there.”
muttered. “Aida, I didn’t want to bring
this up now either, but I figured sooner would be better than later.
to all this. Well, that’s not true.
I just don’t know how much. I’ll try to
keep him at bay as much as I can, but understand that I can’t control him all
the fucking time. If I could, I wouldn't
be telling you this.” He frowned, not
for the first time wishing that he had his own mind to himself for even a few
days. But he didn’t, and sooner or later
Jeffrey would show up to make things . . . difficult.
that he might take it out on me?” she asked softly.
hope not. I just don’t know, Aida.
by now, but the truth is I can’t really say what he’ll do.
least try and get him focused on me. It
wouldn’t be the first time,” he murmured, his eyes immediately looking down to
his cut hand and arm. He just stopped
himself from reaching up to finger the cut along his jaw as well.
taking off, but Aida didn’t pay much attention to it.
cheek. “I don’t want you to do
that. I don’t want to see you hurt any
more than you are now. I don’t want to
spend all our time for our honeymoon in the hospital bandaging and stitching
various cuts.”
wrong, spitfire, neither do I. But if it
comes down to a choice of him hurting anyone, I’d rather it be me than you
every single fucking time.” He paused to
consider his next words, never noticihe phe plane taking off, a fact he was
ultimately grateful for later. “I might
be overreacting. I hope I am, but I don’t
think so, Aida. He wouldn’t have wanted
to leave sunrise. Especially not now.
away. . .” He let the sentence hang in
the air, not venturing to say what Jeffrey would do exactly.
doing this?” she asked, more worried than Sands wanted her.
a stop over –”
because we need to. I refused to let
Jeffrey control my life. I have my own
life to live, my own wants and needs.
she said softly. “If you two start, I
can’t promise to stay on the sidelines.”
to, Aida. Just . . . be careful, ok?”
close to his heart as if she’d protect him here and now if she had to.
think any more about what I just told you.
nobody else’s.”
swallowed, trying to follow his advice.
never been on a plane before.”
with a frown. “And yet you seem to be
dealing with it better than I am,” he was dutifully not looking out any of the
windows of he plane as he spoke, not wanting to know just how high up they were.
“And I’ve been on a lot of planes.”
been away from home is Atlantic City, when I was twelve, and we drove the
entire way in a van with no AC.”
like a lot of fun,” Sands said sarcastically.
my father, but nothing more than that. My
. . . parents weren’t the type to take vacations.
work,” he muttered, the hint of bitterness that arose whenever he spoke about
his parents surfacing with a vengeance.
she asked gently, wanting him to know he didn’t have to answer if he didn’t
want to.
mean. Her work was her fucking social
standing. Her dinner parties.
flawless households. Or maybe she still
does. She was a cleaning lady.
used to take us with her as she went from house to house.”
Sands said softly, not knowing what else to say.
teasing smile on her face. “Might as
well know the rest. My dad was a
contractor – did a lot of roof work. In
the winter when the weather was nasty he’d stay home because he couldn’t work,
and that’d always put him in a temper.
Not that he ever took it out on us.
But sometimes when we were being exceptionally rowdy, he’d go outside of
ten, twenty minutes at a time. One day
my oldest brother, John, listened at the door and heard my dad letting out all
the curses he didn’t want to say around us.”
short laugh at that. “My father ran an
investment firm. But he was from a rich
family. So was my mother.
he muttered. He had been trying to think
of some kind of happy anecdote he could share with her about his childhood, but
he honestly couldn't think of one. He
didn’t know if that was because he blocked them all out or if there genuinely
weren’t any. He didn’t remember large
portions of his childhood. In
retrospect, that might have been Jeffrey’s fault, but he didn’t know for sure.
all day?” she asked innocently, backpedaling when she saw the look on his
face. “Well, I mean, I had five other
brothers and sisters. There wasn’t a
moment of quiet in our house – not even at night.
sleep. And when we weren’t all fighting,
we were noisily getting along.”
lot. There weren’t any other kids that
lived nearby. Hell, there wasn’t
wondering what would happen if I ran away.
could.” Each sentence was slightly
clipped. He didn’t mind answering her
questions, but he couldn’t help himself from reacting to them either.
it.
cI
could. Our town had a pretty small
lending library, and we didn’t have money to buy many books – even used
ones. But we did get a paper every day,
so I got used to reading that. I used to
organize the six of us into a miniature play troupe and we’d act out some of
the stories.”
want to act?” he asked softly.
roll star. Isn’t that what most children
want? Before they grow up and girls
decide they need to be teachers and boys decide to become businessmen?”
I wanted to do when I was you.
only chose psychology because it seemed interesting.
to answer some . . . questions about,” he hesitated before speaking again, “why
I did what I did,” he said slowly.
she wasn’t sure how to ask what she wanted to know, so she let the question
hang and hoped he’d figure out what she was asking.
wondering if I was insane?” he asked with a sad smile.
school hamster in fourth grade that I won’t get into.
apparently no reason at all. I’d just
get . . . angry. But I never . . . killed
anyone until my parents though. And
Jeffrey didn’t show up until after I was out of grad school.
he is now. He . . . grew up with me.”
had changed.
eyes and shuddered. She didn’t really
want to hear these things, but she knew she needed to.
husband, then she needed to know what his life was like be he he met her.
apologize: for asking, for bringing the memories up, for his childhood, but she
didn’t. Instead, she leaned forward and
wrapped her arms around him, placing a soft kiss on his neck.
his face and he didn’t react to her touch.
again so easily.
tell me more?”
bitterly. “I’ve always known there was
something wrong wit.
young. I’d sometimes see and hear things
that weren’t there, talk to voices that no one but me could hear, and delight
when they talked back. They were my
friends, you see? There were more than
Jeffrey. There still are, but he’s the
strongest. The rest are only phantoms.
I never feel remorseful for it. I know
what I do is wrong, I just don’t care. I
never have, and I don’t think I ever will.
people I kill either. I sometimes wonder
if I wasn’t sent – by who I don’t know – to take those people from the earth.
stylso-sso-spacerun:yes'> He >He wasn’t even looking at her as he spoke
anymore. If he was aware that he was
telling all of this to her, he made no sign.
around them overheard.
was trembling, wanting desperately to clap her hands over her ears bfraifraid
of how he’d react if she did. Deep
inside she knew he needed to say all this, to spill it like poison from a
wound, but it didn’t make it any easier to hear.
in Abnormal and Clinical Psychology didn’t really tell me anything I didn’t
already know. It just gave names to my .
. . diseases.” He fell silent then, as
if his ability to speak had been somehow switched off.
look both insane and sociopathic and haunted and utterly weary at the same
time.
still trembling, trying to comfort and be comforted at the same time.
playful . . . they could talk about anything, they did things together, he did
things simply because he knew it’d make her happy. . . .
she was forced to see his other life. He
might as well be an undercover agent himself, infiltrating her world, but not
losing touch with the one he came from.
can’t change . . . what I am, Aida,” he murmured slowly, still not looking at
her.
more to try? Take medications that would
drown out Jeffrey? See a doctor?
sort of difference in his life at all?
so softly that she only heard him because she was so close.
anything she had to say probably wouldn’t be welcome, so she didn’t say a
thing.spanspan>She tightened her arms around him
as best she could, and just held him.
shut slowly and he let himself be held.
soothed, not daring to question his certainty.
“I know.”
. .” he paused then, his voice growing even softer so that she had to strain to
hear it despite their close proximity, “that I could.
so painfully for him. “It’s
alright. I don’t matter.”
side of his face. “You’re exhausted.”
him again. “Just sit there and rest your
eyes. I’ll be right here.
insisted again, his face screwed up in a frown.
few minutes later with that frown still on his face.
he was asleep, Aida let her tears flow, never making a sound, and never raising
her head from his chest.
******************************
stock of where he was before he calmed down.
Aida up as well. “Sorry.
quite looking at her.
sleep?” He didn’t really know why he was
asking exactly, it just occurred to him to ask so he did.
might need it since I’ve been hauling you around all day.
afternoon. You were going to need sleep
eventually.” And oughought it might help settle your mind.
. like to hear about all that. I know
you don’t.”
to get bitten by mosquitoes, but I can’t let them keep me a hostage in my own
home.”
again, turning to look at her for the first time.
smiled, but her eyes slowly slid away from him.
“I know.” I know you’re too afraid to.
comment on it. “Hope you’re enjoying the
honeymoon so far, spitfire,” he muttered bitterly before cursing himself under
his breath. “I’m sorry.
conversation today. I didn’t mean to
talk about it at all. I just wanted us
to have . . . fun. Without all the drama
that invariably fills our lives.”
when I’m with you than at any other time.
Even if I’m miserable. So don’t
apologize for wanting to get away with me.
And who says that in the long run, this discussion wasn’t a good thing?”
to anything good? Stories of my past
only lead to fucking contention between us,” he muttered bitterly.
mouth shut.”
needed me because no one would talk to you.
I offered to listen. I will
mean they’re not important.”
curious look then, as if she had just told him that everything in the world
would be alright and made him believe it without a doubt.
could love him so much and so honestly.
hospital and cook for me, then I can listen to you.”
It . . . means a lot,” he murmured
almost sheepishly.
cry. How could anyone leave their child
to become a man who was so used to being alone that he didn't even
asked with a frown, seeing a wave of emotion pass over her face.
dead, I’d be tempted to do the job myself?
“I . . . I just love you. A lot.”
small half-grin. It wasn't much, but it
was there. “I love you too, Aida.
draw a line with a finger down her cheek and along her jaw.
responded to him, craving his touch. Her
nerves were raw and she wanted nothing more than to loose herself in just the
two of them.
hand and gently brought her to his chest, wrapping his arms around her and
holding onto her tightly, burying his face in her neck, his hair falling
forward to curtain his face. “I love
you,” he repeated softly, needing to say it again.
her until almost everyone who was going to deplane had.
a bit?” she asked softly. “This is our
last chance before landing in
plane leave again?”
forty-five minutes.”
pulling at his seatbelt with his “good” hand.
hand and I never got in the habit so we’ll have to watch the time.”
murmured, using her fingers to comb out hair gone flat from lying still so
long. Not that there was much to comb.
awhile,” he muttered, rising to his feet, careful not to hit his head on the
overhead storage compartments. “You
coming?” he asked, moving out into the aisle.
on staying here the entire time,” she teased, confidently standing up.
the storage compartments and she knew it.
. if you wanted to. Forget it.
acknowledging the nod from the head flight attendant as he passed.
up, but he didn’t look back either. He
needed air. He needed to be somewhere .
. . else. He didn’t necessarily need to
be away from her, but his mind had begun to associate the plane with the
memories of his past and he just knew he needed to get away from it.
she called, hurrying to keep up with his longer legs.
scheme might work some of that off, but it obviously hadn’t.
eyes in a grimace, but stopped just before the entrance to the terminal, not
looking back at her. “Sorry,” he
muttered when she had caught up, opening his eyes and casting her aewayeways
glance. “I just needed to get . . . away.”
away. We’ll get away for a long
weekend. Away from everything.
you don’t want to.” She stopped then,
worried that perhaps she’d misunderstood.
“Or did you want to be alone for a little bit?”
for a bit, that’s all.” That wasn’t all,
but he didn’t feel like explaining the rest.
attempt to at least sound like
everything was back to normal and fine even if it wasn’t.
Silence. She drew a little
pattern on the floor with the toe of her shoe.
“Are you sure you don’t want
to wander by yourself for a bit? You
wouldn’t hurt my feelings if you said yes.”
before our flight.”
She took the few necessary steps and pressed a soft kiss into his
cheek. “I’ll always wait.”
his way toward the front of the terminal and out through the front doors.
known he’d been holding and tilted his head up to embrace the hot
sunlight. Being in that plane, memories
beating down on him from all sides, had filled him with a sense of
claustrophobia. He needed the space now
to clear the cobwebs away in his mind.
Is that you?”
funeral! Goodness, that must have been
what, ten years ago?”
Prudence?” Sands asked, his eyes wide and horrified.
completely overdone makeup, the small yappy fucking rat dog on her arm . . . dear
God, it wasn’t possible.
woman came bounding over to him, her pearl necklaces rattling around her fat
neck as a small squad of people carrying her luggage strived to keep up with
her. The moment she reached him, she
grabbed his face in her hands and had been about to give him a kiss on the
cheek when she noticed the cut along his jaw and pulled away in horror.
a word. He was no convinced he had to be
hallucinating. There was absolutely no
way his great aunt Prudence and her rat dog could be here.
more careful! You look positively
wretched! Doesn't he, Clarence?” she
addressed the dog, rubbing her face in its fur and cooing to it in baby talk.
here, Prudence?” Sands asked slowly.
Sheldon. Always flitting about in the
world. I just recently got back from
month's stay in
bought!”
nodding at this point as she prattled on about the places she had visited in
France, the important people she had met, the fancy parties she had attended.
intently that he realized she had asked him a question.
alright, Sheldon darling? You’re not
looking well at all. I asked how you
were managing your father’s company. You
did take over after he and your mother died, didn’t you?”
go very still. “No, I fucking didn’t.
ground as well,” he murmured under his breath too quietly for her to hear.
Sheldon. You’ll have to speak up.
their surroundings. “Dear me, this is no
place to chat! Let’s go inside and sit
down for awhile.”
place,” Sands muttered. “You can leave
your baggage here. I’m afraid our talk
will have to be a short one. My flight
leaves soon.” He was practically moving
and speaking on autopilot now, but he wasn’t without purpose.
the way, dear child,” Prudence said with a nod, waving a hand to have him go in
front of her while she followed behind, her little dog still in her arms.
of them were well out of sight, each and every person carrying her luggage
dropped it to the ground and groaned in relief.
******************************
ever heard of,” Prudence said slowly, looking around her as their surroundings
grew dark as they moved in the shadow of the airport terminals.
Prudence,” Sands said slowly glancing around to make sure they were alone.
abandoned small airplane hanger. It may
have still been in use, but for now it was empty and suited his needs just
fine. Now if he could only get her to
come closer. “May I pet your dog, Aunt
Prudence?” he asked, as innocently as he could manage while thoughts of murder
were spiraling through his head.
You needn't have asked, dear boy!”
Prudence said with a smile, holding out her small dog in fur clad arms.
in his arms and broke its neck easily. Before
Prudence could scream, he clamped his left hand over her mouth and nose while
moving his other hand to grab the sting of pearls around her neck tightly.
behind her, strangling her with her own jewelry.
he was determined. “Perhaps I never
mentioned, but I killed my fucking parents, Prudence.
again.” With a violent jerk the line of
pearls broke and scattered everywhere, bouncing on the cement pavement.
dead dog, her tongue hanging out of her mouth and her eyes staring up at him
with a glassy glaze. Sands kicked her
hard in the ribs over and over again, his rage unabated.
being dead, only then did he leave her to return to Aida.
******************************
crossed, one foot bouncing, and wishing she understood her husband better.
but that only put him in a bad mood.
to pry, but I want to know him better and he doesn’t offer information.
wives that don’t really understand their husband.
noticing the planes coming and going.
that enough? Would he tell me if it wasn’t?
and that made her heart hurt for him.
staring out the window when Sands came back.
out the window in an attempt to see what he thought she was looking at.
him and smiled gently, although he didn’t see it since his gaze was focused
outside. “I’m fine.
waist, pressing her face into the front of his shirt.
asked softly, looking down at the top of her head.
Mostly me. If I’m really offering
all you need from me and whether you’d tell me if I wasn’t.”
he asked, tensing slightly in her arms.
needed me to be more supporting or understanding, or even just to keep my mouth
shut. I was wondering if you’d ever tell
me or if I was just supposed to figure it out for myself.”
should. If I did, then maybe you wouldn’t
have to hear all the things you didn’t want to hear about me,” he said softly.
him, placing a finger over his lips. “You’ve
given me more than I ever realistically expected out of life.
money. I just want to make sure that I’m
being the wife you need.”
all, either.” He couldn’t really explain
why he had just killed Prudence other than the fact that he’d never liked her
and she always insisted on calling him Sheldon.
someone? Especially family?
said bitterly, immediately shocked at herself.
She didn’t know where that had come from.
would,” Sands said distantly, not looking at her any longer.
somehow betrayed. But he wasn’t angry.
apologized softly. “I’m your wife but
sometimes it feels as if she understands you better than I do.
murmured. “But with that understanding,
comes a price. A price you don’t want to
have to pay. Believe me.”
doesn’t help at times like this. When I
can see you’re hurting and I can’t even so much as empathize.
know what it's like.”
what it’s like, and I wouldn’t want to. I
don’t want that for you, Aida. I never
have. I’d rather have you ne
und
understand me than understand me like sunrise does.”
but it still sounded somewhat distant.
over that. Aida knew she should simply
be content that Sands loved her enough that he didn’t want for her life to be
like his. But that’s where some of her
need to be the perfect wife came from. “Alright.
slowly. “You don’t, though.
she tried to tease. “Not really.”
say that I sometimes don’t mind the questions you ask . . . the things you make
me remember. . . And yes, I sometimes
wish you understood me better, that you understood that I’ve killed and will
still kill, but you still listen. And
you still love. That’s enough.”
reminded her of that. But she was
determined to move past it. “Then I say
we leave behind the rest of this emotional crap behind us and enjoy our
honeymoon. Com’on, we’ve got just enough
time to hit that store over there and buy a few things to keep us occupied on
the rest of the flight.”
******************************
here than in
Orleans
him after stepping outside of the air-conditioned airport.
begin to sweat under his long hair. “What
do you want to do first, spitfire?” he asked with a frown as he looked down at
the white lei that had been placed around his neck.
stay, get some food, and then jump into bed?”
to me,” he said with a smirk before stepping up to the curb to hail a cab.
arrived and moved to sit next to her once she was inside.
addressed the driver. The driver merely
nodded, no doubt used to such requests and they were on their way.
******************************
suite for three days please,” Sands said with a nod.
of our regular suites are booked. We
have a few premium suites available or many fine rooms.”
the best. We’re on our honeymoon.”
We do have a honeymoon suite if you’d
prefer that? It’s very nice, I assure
you.”
handing her one of his credit cards.
Mrs. Sands,” the woman said a few minutes later handing him back his credit
card and a couple of room keys in a labeled envelope.
made his way to the elevators with Aida following close behind.
to the top of the hotel was a long one. The
honeymoon suite seemed to be located under only the presidential suite.
hand as she closed her eyes and took a moment to rest.
nap on the plane and she was beginning to wonder if some afternoon/early
evening play wouldn't have to wait until after she’d taken a nap or
something. Not that she had anything to
nap in. Or even a toothbrush for that
matter.
quietly. “We don’t have any clothes.”
me, we wouldn’t need any,” he said with a smirk.
out. Their suite was conveniently the
only one on the entire floor, so the door was easy to find.
opened it, waiting for her to step in, but she didn’t.
wryly and murmured, “You never carried me across the threshold.”
eyes a little at that and laughed. “A grievous error on my part.
sticking the keys in his right pocket and scooping her up into his arms and
moving into the suite, using his foot to kick thor sor shut behind them.
somewhat stunned at what he saw. “Uh,
wow,” he muttered, still holding her in his arms.
enormous, and while it was simply furnished, everything was obviously
expensive. But the room’s most
attractive feature more than made up for the scant artwork and pain walls:
three whole walls of the suite were made up of floor-to-ceiling windows.
below, leaving both Sands and Aida speechless.
to speak of – everything was open, to make the most of the view.
was sunken, a food seven or eight feet below the floor of the living area.
and a small rail ran along the edge of the room.
curtains, but the bed had a gauzy full canopy to give the illusion of
them. The walls were a soft ivory, the
moldings and crownings a muted gold that shone in the sun.
motif, a pattern that was copied on the bedspread and sheets.
fruit basket on the table, accompanied by a plate of cheese and crackers and a
bottle of wine. And another bottle, this
one of champagne thoughtfully set to chill.
Some employee had obviously been busy while Sands had been filling out
the necessary paperwork.
amazing,” Aida breathed, most of her mind still occupied by the pounding surf
far down below.
in a honeymoon suite before. We need to
get married more often,” he murmured with a smirk, finally setting her down on
the ground. They both walked up to the
windows and stared out. “This is quite
possibly the best room I’ve ever stayed in.
into the bedroom area. He was actually
rather hungry, and decided to take advantage of the food offered.
raspberries and wandered back up to Aida.
. .” she murmured, her eyes never straying from the scene before them.
window and stared out for another five or ten minutes, before Aida shook
herself out of her trance. She was tired
of standing upright. It took no more
than a few seconds to kick off her shoes after she took the time to shake her
head and rub at her eyes.
with a small sigh, popping a few of the raspberries into his mouth and chewing
slowly.
nodded. “I don’t want to, but I think
you’re right.” Moving slowly and
carefully – her joints were already starting to ache from the radiation – she
walked to the bed and brushed the canopy out of her way.
picking the chocolate macadamia nut candy up off her pillow.
rest of the fruit he had picked up. “It’s
probably best we’re both . . . well rested for later,” he said with a wicked
smirk, moving down the stairs to join her.
hesitated with a frown. “I don’t know
when Jeffrey will show up, though, so maybe I shouldn’t.”
sleep. I just don’t want you to
leave. You can sit and watch TV if you
want. It won’t keep me up.”
good. Jeffrey’s been keeping me up – well
physically anyway – a lot lately and I could use the rest while he’s not here.
dreams, the real reason he probably didn’t sleep as well as he could have.
he murmured, kicking off his shoes and climbing into bed next to her.
alter ego alone – this was as much her fault as his.
husband, Aida let her eyes close.
he whispered after leaning in to kiss her on the forehead.
to him before closing his own eyes, resting his chin on the top of her head.