He Didn't Come

She wasn’t sure what to make of it. Everything she was so certain of before has been blown out of the water, courtesy of Riddick. She was tense around him. So many emotions collided inside of her. On one hand she was ecstatic that he’d actually come back for her. On the other, she felt as though by agreeing to go with him, she had given in. Jack’s stubbornness was her pride and joy. She didn’t give in to anybody. She certainly didn’t want to admit that she’d yielded to anyone, even him.

She didn’t regret her decision. Neither did she regret what she said at the apartment. Her temper was as unstable as ever. Riddick needed to understand that, if they were going to be together.

What an odd thought… together. After so many years, the concept was completely alien to her.

As they stood together in front of his couch, she couldn’t stop the stifled sob that was born in her throat. When he felt him stroke her hair in response, it only confirmed her need to cry. His hand smoothed away her hostility and she found herself pressing even harder against him, almost as though she wanted to wriggle her way inside his skin. The feelings of strength and power thrummed through him, just like she remembered. She felt a security she hadn’t known in years. It was wonderful.

He showed her the room he had prepared for her. That almost made her cry again, right there. He had gone to all that trouble, and she had betrayed him by treating him like shit. The smaller bedroom contained an actual closet, instead of just a few cubbyholes, as well as small desk and a single bed with a light blue cover. There was very little in the way of decoration, however. That was all right; she’d never really been in a position where it would be possible to decorate. It was nice to have her own neutral space to do with what she liked.

His room was much like she expected, with a double bed covered in a black bedspread and sober furnishings. It looked like him, through and through.

“This is so amazing,” she said in awe as he gave her the grand tour.

“What is, kid?” Riddick asked.

‘Kid’ pissed her off a bit, but she let it go. Walking into the dojo, Jack shrugged. “Just… all of this. Actually being with you again. I thought this was gone forever.”

Riddick smiled. He looked touched. “Never say forever, kid. It’s bad luck.”

“Since when do you believe in luck?” she joked.

“Since I met you,” he said seriously. Jack stopped, shocked. Wow. He meant so much to her… and she meant a lot to him. The realization that she had been completely wrong hit home, and guilt swept over her again, like an unwelcome tidal wave. She forced a smile as he showed her the equipment.

Set in an alcove that had to have been a custom job even before Riddick had gotten hold of the ship, it was more than a dojo, really. There were all sorts of exercise machines, and each one was on top condition. It reminded her of the condition of Chap’s gym when she first arrived. It had definitely been well-used by the time she left. Riddick chuckled as she looked around eagerly.

“Now I can show you what those hot-shot vid directors would never even thought of.”

She laughed cockily. “I think you’ll be surprised.”

“I don’t know. Slam gets pretty rough, after all. You learn new ways to hurt people every day,” he shot back.

Jack flopped down on the mat, legs crossed. “How did you escape this time, anyway? And what made you look for me?”

Joining her on the padded floor, he shrugged. “How I escaped is none of your business. And as for why I came back, it’s like I told you. If it were up to me, I’d never have left in the first place. You’re my Jack.”

She stilled at his words. His Jack… wow. In all her life, only her sister had made an effort for her. Riddick, however, was the only person to make her feel so safe, and so loved.

Why else would she have been so hurt when he didn’t come for her? Why else would she slip so smoothly back into place in his presence? No one had ever made her feel like she mattered until Riddick had come into her life. No one had ever meant so much to her. Ever.

She felt differently about him now that she was older, too. While his raw strength had captivated her attention and made her want to emulate him as a girl, now he had her attention in an entirely different way. Something like her old hero-worship attitude was back, but it was different somehow. It surprised her, because she hadn’t felt anything like it, for him or anyone, in the years since their separation. Chap had been an all-girls facility, yes, but there had been occasional social functions put on by the administration that sometimes had boys in attendance.

All the other girls would swarm around them like vultures, but Jack was never interested. Just thinking about a guy touching her there—or anywhere—made her nauseous. Riddick was the only person she ever allowed to touch her. It was funny; this aversion to men only emerged as she got older. Yes, she had hated the idea of intimacy as a girl, but she didn’t hate men the way she did now. She was positive she wasn’t a lesbian, either. Being around so many girls for five years confirmed it, not to mention the rumors about her and Mika being completely untrue. In anything, Mika had come on to her once or twice. Jack had just faked ignorance. She had never really been interested in anyone. She never wanted to get close. It wasn’t safe to get close.

Riddick, though… he was like her center. He knew her soul. He was like gravity, drawing her in, with no hope of escape. Not that she wanted an escape. Oh no, just the opposite. She never wanted to leave.

~*~


Since neither had slept at all that night, they chose to sleep in their respective rooms the following day. Lying comfortably on his back, Riddick finally allowed himself to think through all that had conspired since he confronted her in her apartment. The holy man. It hurt that he was gone, but it was a detached emotion. There was no loss for him. He hadn’t seen Imam in years, so there wasn’t anything to miss. It pained Jack, though, which wasn’t a good thing.

He had looked forward to seeing her again, yes, but he had also been uncharacteristically nervous about it. He’d been worried about her, but he’d also worried that she would hate him. When she threw him out, all his worst fears seemed to come to life. She was his Jack. He was her protector. They belonged together. When she rejected him the way she had, the killing side, the animal side, the unrestrained side, had almost broken free. That was why he’d decided to get a quick fuck at the whorehouse; maybe it would have relieved some of his tension.

If anything, it had increased it. Jack had grown up so beautifully. Riddick first noticed it in the club as she fended off would-be ‘suitors.’ Those gorgeous legs that he remembered checking for cuts had looked so good in that miniskirt. As for the flattish chest she had once upon a time, the halter top she’d worn was a revealing testimony that that had definitely changed. Everything about her demonstrated a fiery young woman, rather then the messed-up kid he’d once known. Riddick found this new Jack incredibly appealing. The only problem was that she was still, he was sure, partially furious with him. Not that he could blame her. It only bothered him because there wasn’t anything he could have done to change it. It didn’t seem fair to him.

Then again, he had been the all-mighty Riddick in her thirteen-year-old eyes. While it didn’t make any sense for her to still feel resentful, he understood that the part of her that decided that he was to blame hasn’t ever been told otherwise. A belief set in stone took a long time to fade, after all. He only hoped that he could make her fully understand before too long. Despite the way she had seemed to crave his hugs, he could feel the tension when they were together. He wanted desperately to bridge the gap that had grown between them… but he was finding that he wanted more than they had in the past. It scared the shit out of him.

~*~

Conversation was distinctly lacking in the weeks that followed. Jack, once she accepted that she had nothing to truly blame him for, tried to make up for treating him the way she had. She didn’t know how, though. He’d done a whole hell of a lot for her. He actually cared about her, Jack, the person. She wasn’t just an object, and she wasn’t the resident psycho like in Chap. She knew that she meant something to him. She just didn’t know what.

There was a certain way he looked at her at times. She knew that he thought she wasn’t looking when he did that, because whenever she turned to face him when he was like that, he would look away. His eyes would flick to somewhere behind her and his face, so skilled at the act of deception, would shift into his typical nonchalant poker face. It did nothing but confuse her.

Even more confusing were her emotions. She tried to hate him for years, only to have her illusion blasted into oblivion. And now, against all the odds, they were together again. She hated the awkward moments that were so common now. She remembered being a kid, when Riddick started putting her shattered psyche back together. She had a role in his life then, and he had a role in hers. Now she didn’t know what she was to him. Friend? Student? Sister?

Love interest?

The concept of being in a relationship with anybody, even Riddick, was utterly foreign to her. She was probably crazy for even thinking it. Her aversion to sex, or physical contact of any kind, seemed totally natural to her. She did some research in Chap, though, and she found that most people that suffered from post-traumatic-stress disorders were overly sexual. Sex was the only thing that had remained a constant in her life. Why did she hate the very concept of it?

They continued their respective training, and Riddick quickly resumed his place as teacher and physical trainer. The only time things weren’t even slightly strained between them was in the dojo. She learned a lot more quickly, now that she wasn’t all aggression and fear. She’d been positively passive-aggressive as a kid, and now she was much more centered. Still, the level of aggression that emerged shocked her. She thought she’d put it behind her in Chap.

When she first got to Chap and all of the harassment started, it was hell. The self-esteem that had been slowly building during her time with Riddick plummeted, and her grades were nothing short of atrocious, despite the remedial classes they put her in. Sure, they plopped her back into therapy, but she just bullshitted her way through it. Riddick had helped her become a much stronger person than she gave herself credit for. Throughout her first three years, she attempted to run away numerous times and incurred more disciplinary action than anyone else in, she was reasonably sure, Chap’s entire history. Even so, throughout all of her struggles, she used tools Riddick had given her to continue rebuilding herself. She logged a considerable amount of time in the gym, and through training she learned internal discipline.

The awful realization that he was never coming back came when she was sixteen. It had been difficult for her to keep her dream alive for most of the past year. Only memories of how forcefully he reassured her in the closet had sustained her. There had been no drastic incident to trigger the revelation, no hint previously gone unheeded. Jack very simply woke up one summer night from a nightmare. She didn’t get dreams about the ship very often, but she had one that night. In it she had been trapped in the storage locker and couldn’t get out. No matter how hard she tried, the door refused to budge at all. In the dream, Jack was so certain that Riddick would come and rescue her, like he had in real life. He walked by all right, and she had pounded on the door and screamed for his help. He walked on without even acknowledging she was there.

She’d woken up with a silent scream just as one of the ‘rats who had sat down to smoke in front of her somehow realized she was there, though she was being as silent as she found possible. In the dream, she had known Riddick, and trusted him to save her, though in real life she’d had no idea that he was onboard at the time. The ‘rats stood and opened the door with frightening ease. A plasma rifle was extended toward her head. Her soundless cry of “Riddick!” echoed in her mind, but as she stared down the barrel of her death, she knew he wasn’t there. He hadn’t been there since something went wrong on D7.

Something inside her clicked that night, and she finally allowed in the one thought she’d been so careful to block out: maybe he meant to leave her there. The shopping, the jokes and smiles, the urgency in his eyes and voice as he told her to run suddenly didn’t mean a thing. In her dream, he left her in a locker to die. Maybe he’d done the same thing in real life, but on a space station instead of in a ship under siege.

The tears began seeping down her face before she even felt them coming. While she rejected the disloyal thought immediately, a traitorous part of her mind whispered, making her wonder just why it was so disloyal. Maybe, just maybe, he didn’t deserve her loyalty. Maybe he really had ditched her those years ago, and she’d been too stuck on her childish hero-worship to notice.

The thought hit her like a sledgehammer, accompanied by a fiery anger, directed both at him and at herself. She felt so stupid! She was wasting so much energy on escaping and finding him that she was royally fucking up the life she had. It wasn’t much a life, sure, but it was hers. She owed it to herself to make the best of it.

From that moment on, the pissy little fireball that resided inside her went into relative submission, and Jack threw herself into fixing the mess she had made of things at Chap. She didn’t give a shit about her social life, but academically speaking, if she didn’t get her act together fast, she was seriously screwed. Riddick wasn’t going to swoop in on a black horse and save her from herself like when she was thirteen and stupid. She had to fix things on her own.

Channeling the remaining rage into her training took care of a lot of her internal problems. The external shit she remedied by sucking up (though as little as possible) and sheer effort. It all paid off in the end; she got her sponsorship and got out of the system.

And then Riddick made his grand reappearance in her life, shattering all of her delusions again. Bastard.