He Didn't Come

Riddick caught a lone tear with his thumb. The fear on her face pained him more than he liked to admit. “What are you saying, Jack?”

She took a deep, shuddering breath before opening her eyes. She stared at him openly. “I don’t want to be afraid anymore. I don’t know if you want me or not, but I think I want you. I hate living with this… demon inside me.”

Riddick felt his stomach lurch in surprise. Was she saying what he thought she was? Slowly, choosing his words with care, Riddick spoke. “I do want you, Jack. I’m not going to lie to you about that. You’re amazing. Strong. Brave. Beautiful, inside and out.” Oh, God, someone start the violins already! Where was all of this cliché shit coming from? The desire to kiss her suddenly grew almost overwhelming. He wrestled with his testosterone, forcing himself to be gentle and conscientious of her fears. “And you think you want me?”

She nodded.

“What do you mean, you think?”

Jack replied, “I’ve never wanted anyone before. Ever. Like I said, the idea of being touched there… it was awful when I was little. I want something, Riddick. I feel it whenever I’m with you. But I’m so scared.”

“What do you want, then?”

Bravely she said, almost daring him to contradict her with her eyes and the look on her face, “I don’t know. You know better then I would.” Her characteristic mood swings were back. From frightened child, she went straight to the falsely arrogant Jack he knew so well.

Desire leapt through him. “What do you want me to do?” This was so wrong. He was taking advantage of her confusion. He was a pervert.

He also couldn’t stop himself.

“What do you want to do?” she returned immediately. He knew that her sudden cockiness was a bit of a show, but it was better than the crying Jack of a moment before.

Riddick felt himself begin to harden as a million lewd images crawled through his mind at the same time. He ignored them all and considered how best to answer her. Don’t scare her… don’t you fucking dare scare her, he ordered himself harshly.

“I don’t want to do anything you don’t want to do,” he finally answered.

Jack snorted. “Then we’re deadlocked, because all I know is that I want you, but everything my body is screaming for, my mind doesn’t want even to consider.”

Screaming for, huh? Riddick mentally slapped himself and told him to focus on her. It was difficult, considering how best to answer her without just taking what he wanted, something that seemed more and more appealing by the minute. Before he could think of something to say that would seem the least bit harmless, she spoke again.

“Riddick… show me. I don’t want to be afraid anymore. Especially of you.”

Something inside his heart threatened to shatter when she said that. He didn’t even know how he really felt about her, but he wanted her almost desperately, and his desire combined with their obscure connection spelled emotional disaster if she were to reject him. “Jack, you’re scared of me?” He could not keep the horror from his voice.

Jack shook her head quickly. “Oh, no! Not of you. Never you. Just, the things you make me feel… like I said, sometimes Seth didn’t hurt me. Sometimes he made it feel good. But he would always find some way to make sure I understood that I wasn’t supposed to enjoy it. So I would feel guilty. It… it’s kind of hard to explain.”

Quietly encouraging her, Riddick said, “Please. Try. I want to understand.” Was she even aware of what she was playing with, here? Did she have any clue what she was about to unleash? One of them had better start thinking, quick… and he knew it wouldn’t be him.

She gave him a pale grin. “Okay. So… um, yeah. I know that I want something from you that’s kind of like how Seth made me feel sometimes. But the rest of the time it hurt. I don’t want you to hurt me.”

He rushed to assure her, “I won’t, Jack, I swear.” Please, he begged to himself, don’t make me be a liar.

She cast him a grateful look before going on, “And while I know it’s fucked up, I feel dirty for wanting it. Does that make any sense?”

“It makes perfect sense. I promise. If you’re absolutely sure you want to do this, you can set the pace, okay? I’ll give all the control over to you.” When she didn’t say anything, he elaborated. “You just decide how you want to do this. Do you want to touch me? You can explore, try anything you want, even just look if you want to. Or, I can lead. It’s totally up to you.”

The carnal side of him was begging to just throw her down and fuck her brains out. His erection strained against his pants. Somehow he restrained himself. Wrong, wrong, wrong! She was nothing but a scared little girl inside! This was the same as raping her. Why the fuck couldn’t he put a stop to it?

Jack spoke. “If it were up to me, I’d probably panic and try to gut your ass. I really don’t think it’s a good idea for me to initiate anything.”

“Are you sure?” Riddick pressed her. Despite his own internal war, his main focus really was on what was best for Jack. He didn’t want her to have any regrets. He wanted to soothe her fears, not engender new ones.

Jack closed her eyes. Riddick recognized the breathing exercises he once taught her when she was a kid. It concerned him that she needed them in the first place, but at least she was keeping herself under control. It made him proud, in a way, that she still used them.

“How do you want to do this, Jack?” Riddick asked, rising and walking to her side. “When? Right now? Wherever you want, remember. Whatever you say.”

“Riddick, if I wait much longer, I’m going to chicken out. I want to do this. I need to do this.”

He prayed she was sure, because he sure as hell wasn’t. He held a hand out to her, and she took it with an uncertain smile. “Where do you want to go?” he asked.

If she chose his bed, it might calm her because his scent was all over the place. His presence seemed to calm her down when she was upset, as long as she wasn’t upset at him. On the other hand, it was a strange bed. It might only frighten her more. If she chose her own room, it might help her relax because it was familiar. If, however, she freaked out, then the mental sanctuary her own space provided would be gone.

She surprised him, however. “The couch.” At his surprised glance, she explained, “It’s neutral territory. I can look around and not see bedroom stuff if I panic. I’ll see that I’m in the ship, and I should be okay.” She smiled apologetically, and forced a shrug. “I know… I sound crazy.”

Riddick surprised her by pulling her into a big bear hug, “I got you,” he whispered gruffly into her hair. She relaxed against his body.

“You make me feel so safe,” she whispered back.

“You are safe, Jack. I swear. I won’t hurt you.” I hope. He began leading her to the couch. “I’m going to ask this one more time: are you sure?” He was torn in two. He wanted her to say yes, but he was almost twice her age, and she was still more traumatized child than adult woman. This was wrong.

Oh, hell. He could say it was wrong until the Alliance crumbled, but it didn’t change the fact that he wasn’t doing anything to stop the dangerous turn of events, nor did it change the fact that she was going along with it quite willfully.

Or was she? Jack nodded, suddenly looking at the couch as though it was a Venus flytrap from Old Earth, and she was a fly, caught in its jaws. Riddick warned himself, yet again, to put Jack first, and not even think about his own raging needs. He repressed a groan when his conscience started nagging again, and he kicked it aside. He needed her. He would deal with why later.

They sat, and Riddick turned his body to face hers. “So beautiful,” he found himself whispering, reaching out to softly brush her long bangs from her face. She closed her eyes, boldly accepting his gentle touch. Riddick brought his forehead down to hers, leaning his own against it. When he spoke, his voice was hoarse.

“I’m going to start by touching you, okay?” His voice was husky, and slightly urgent. He tried to inject a note of calm into his words. “I won’t go beneath your clothes until you give me the okay. If you want me to stop, for any reason, let me know, okay?” See? he justified. I have self control. Really, I do.

Jack took a deep breath and nodded. “I’m ready.”