More Than Darkness
37
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This is a crossover smutty story featuring the character of
Tess/Salida ie Tess' Voice in Neon Dasies' OUATIM fics on ff.net, More Than
Eyes Alone Can See, and More Than Life,
and Sands/Jeffrey from Merrie's OUATIM fic on ff.net, Darkness Rising. This story
will make some sense, probably, if you read it without having read either of
our stories, but it'll make a hell of a lot more if you just read them. They're
all worth reading, we promise. ay, ay, on with the show.
Rated for what has happened, and what might happen.
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Salida didn’t know how long she slept, or what woke
her. What she did know was what
Jeffrey. Her first thought upon opening
her eyes was perhaps she hadn’t slept for that long.
watching her with an unreadable look on his face, as if he
were lost deep in thought.
“Lover?”
“What?
seeing something he didn’t.
“Well . . . how
long did I sleep?”
Jeffrey
shrugged. “A few hours.”
“You didn’t wake me
up.” That happened so rarely that she
was amazed. “You’ve been gone and you
didn’t wake me up.”
“No, I didn’t.
softly.
want to. I’m fat.
her head to supposedly look at the clock on her side of the bed.
hurt in her eyes.
Jeffrey heard the
tone in her voice and frowned.
“What? What is it?
growing more confused with each word. He
thought he had been doing something right.
Why the fuck did she seem upset then?
“You always wake me
up. And now after days away, you
didn’t.” Her voice was soft and
non-accusing, but no less powerful for that.
“I was trying to be
fucking considerate!” He wasn’t yelling,
but his voice was definitely louder than it had been.
seemed to be fighting over it. What the
fuck had he done wrong?
“Don’t yell at me,”
she whispered. “Just because you don’t
want me –”
“What the fuck are
you talking about? Of course I fucking
want you? Where the fuck did you get
that idea?” He was yelling at her, but
he wasn’t angry. Exasperated and
confused, yes, but not angry. “Just
because I decided to let you sleep so I could fucking watch over you for awhile
doesn’t mean that I don’t fucking want you, vixen.
when I fucking take my last breath. And
even then, I’ll still probably fucking want you.”
“But you didn’t
wake me up.” She sounded as confused as
he felt.
“No, I didn’t.
intending to, but I stopped myself and just watched.
hour. Yeah, I like to wake you up and
have my wicked way with you. That hasn’t
changed. But . . . I wanted to watch you
sleep.”
She turned back to
him. “You still want me?”
“I never fucking
stopped, Salida,” he said softly, reaching out a hand to run his fingertips
along her cheek slowly, never taking his eyes off of hers.
She moistened her
lips with the tip of her tongue before softly challenging, “Prove it.”
Jeffrey wasted no
time. He rolled over on top of her and
began kissing her mouth with a
passionate ferocity that had been building as they had spoke.
enough of her.
Salida made a
muffled sound of surprise, but she did nothing to struggle against him.
shoulders and her mouth grew soft and pliant under his, willing to allow him
anything he wished to take, which at the moment seemed to be her last remaining
scraps of sanity.
His tongue thrust
into her mouth, demanding she let him explore, demanding she accept this as
proof of his need. And she did.
he abandoned her mouth for her neck.
Jeffrey was beside
himself with need for her. When she had
said those words, “prove it,” he had let everything go.
the very instant their lips had touched.
He now knew only one thing: he wanted her, and he wanted her now.
A soft moan escaped
him, free to be expressed now that his control was a distant memory.
to the wind as he had; he was a man who needed at least a small bit of control
in his life to keep him from slipping the fine line into complete psychotic
mania. But he couldn’t give a flying
fuck now. He didn’t care about anything
except her. And that care was about tied
with the overwhelming desire to have his own needs satisfied.
He knew he was
bruising her delicate neck, but he didn’t care.
He felt the need to mark her as his and that was exactly what he was
doing. It was simple pure raw lust, and
it was burning through him without any barriers.
“Jeffrey,” she
gasped, her hands slipping to his hair where she pulled his mouth more firmly
against her. He was driving her mad with
every move of his mouth, lips, and tongue.
Her body was suddenly burning hot, and she was having trouble breathing
fast enough to fuel her mind. It started
to shut down; it wasn’t as if she needed it at the moment anyway.
If Jeffrey noticed
the trouble she was having, he gave no sign.
Or perhaps he couldn’t. If he had
to continue this while she was unconscious, so be it.
After fumbling and
moving of clothes, he thrust into her hard, not able to wait any longer.
Salida screamed as
he entered her, overwhelmed by the sensation.
Her fingernails dug into his back and she arched her body into his
blindly.
Jeffrey felt like
screaming himself, but he couldn’t. He
couldn’t make a sound, it was too intense.
The sensation of her fingernails digging into the back was just added to
the whirlwind. He could only hope to
hold on and not lose himself in the sensation.
If he hadn’t known better, he would have thought he was coming already
given the depnd bnd breadth of what he was feeling, but he wasn’t.
purpose but to further his own lust, kissing her when it suited him.
care.
Crying out each
time he entered her and each time he withdrew, Salida clung to her husband,
trying desperately to reach the release that was just out of grasp.
sensations that were swamping her, burning her nerves to a crisp, stealing her
sight, but there was none. Jeffrey was
ruthless, making her join with him over and over, his touches tantalizing but
too irregular to help her come. It was
torture. It was wonderful.
but still he didn’t join her. He
remained utterly silent except for the harsh gasping of his quickened breath.
ever closer to release, but still not hitting it.
sensation and frustration had been able, but he couldn’t.
pleasure of the moment. Since he couldn’t
speak, he used his mouth for better purposes – kissing every inch of skin he
came into contact with.
There was no method
to his madness, he kissed what was within reach, rocking against her hard
enough to make the bed rock and the mattress squeak.
had wanted. Not yet. Oh holy fuck, not yet.
it now. Can’t take more.
His thoughts had no real form to him either; he hadn’t the presence of
mind to form a coherent thought. He was
lost in a sea of passion and lust and for a brief frightening moment it didn’t
look as if he’d ever be able to find his way back.
that. He let himself fall a little more.
It was too much for
his wife though. She came fast and hard,
almost before she realized it was happening.
A scream died in her throat as Jeffrey kept knocking it from her lungs
with his passion. But all that really
mattered was the incredible sense of fullness and completeness that overwhelmed
her.
He didn’t stop, he
couldn’t stop. He had felt her come
almost at the edge of her mind, and while a part of was glad, the rest of him
screamed “Unfair!” He pushed it aside.
passions. He felt like he was going to
either pass out or explode from the sensation, but still he could not
speak. And it wasn’t for lack of
trying. It was as if his brain had
decided to give up his voice in order to further fuel his passion.
before and so without control. His
passions lay open at her feet, raw and exposed for her to dig through.
perhaps the first time in his existence, and still he did not come.
enough to overbalance the wealth of passion that filled him near
overflowing. He needed something to top
that passion, but he didn’t know what it was.
If he could have cried out in utter frustration and longing he would
have. The pleasure he had been feeling
was beginning to fade, leaving hmptympty and hollow inside.
the joy of it was beginning to abandon him.
He cried out silently for it to return; to let him know the completeness
that sex with someone you loved and were loved by could bring.
Somehow Salida
seemed to take note of his difficulties as she slowly came back to
herself. Jeffrey’s eyes were blank, and
his body starting to hurt hers. “Jeffrey
. . . stop. Please stop.
Just stop.” Her hands ran through
his hair, trying to calm him a little.
He didn’t want
to. He didn’t even know if he
could. But somehow hearing her say that
he was hurting her grabbed a tight hold of his lust and brought him up
short. He stopped.
He didn’t know how long he’d be able to stay this way, but he knew that
he didn’t want to hurt her. He’d never
wanted that.
“Shh, lover.
Let me make you come.
Please.” Her hands slid from his
head to cup his face. “Will you let me
help you? I want to see you come so
much. I want you to find release.
He simply nodded,
unable to do anything else. He couldn’t
understand it. What was he lacking?
of his restrained orgasm, but yet it wouldn’t let him come.
not entirely surprising in his case – and he could do nothing.
“Relax,” she
murmured as she pushed him onto his side.
“Just let me. Tell me what you
need me to do to help you. I’d do
anything, you know that, right?” Her
hands were fluttering over his body, touching every bit of skin that was
available to her. “Tell me how to help
you, lover. Anything.”
He didn’t
know. And what was worse, he still
couldn’t tell her that. Yet another
example of how his body seemed to be betraying him.
utter desperation and lust.
“Shh, don’t
worry. I’m not going to go anywhere
until you’re exhausted. Just sit tight
for a moment.” Very carefully she pulled
away from him and rolled over, reaching into the drawer of her bedside
table. She quickly grabbed what she
wanted, then returned to her husband; he was sweating with the torture of being
alone, of having her leave him, but she quickly solved that.
revealed what she held – a candlestick and a lighter.
He did what she had
asked without hesitation. He was beyond
a fight now. He only wanted to feel
again. That wasn’t too much to fucking
ask, was it? He was so mentally
exhausted – not physically, at least, not yet – that he didn’t even have the
strength to hope anymore. Those brief
seconds apart from her had been a kind of hell he never wanted to experience
again. He knew if he did he would be
irrevocably lost forever. And he’d die
before he let that happen.
Salida quickly lit
the candle, then tilted it, both melting the wax more quickly, and letting it
drop down onto Jeffrey’s unprotected chest.
The first drops fell over his left nipple, and like their first night
together, she bent down to scrape it away with her teeth, tightening her inner
muscles around him at the same time. She
blew on the area to cool it, then moved to his right nipple, and all over his
body after that, murmuring words of love and encouragement in between tortures.
Oh sweet holy
fucking hell. If he had thought he had
been aroused before he had been sorely mistaken.
too-sweet torment, and he wanted to push her away – it was too much – but he
didn’t. He couldn’t.
and he was moaning and muttering unintelligible words and phrases to
himself. He still hadn’t come, but by
god he’d taken a large step in that direction.
He could feel his breathing hitch in his throat as he vainly tried to
slow it down so he wouldn’t fucking pass out.
His body was radiating heat and his back was arched off of the bed.
“That’s it,
lover. Just let me.
I’m safe. I love you.
though her voice was rough and hoarse from her own release.
I love you. You know that,
right? I love you, and you love me, and
whatever else our child is or might be, it was created from this.
things.
Jeffrey couldn’t
take it anymore. He had more than
reached his limit. She had pushed him
far over that edge and now he was falling in earnest.
his eyes shut tight and his body tense from the sheer force of it.
with a mixture of moans and near whimpers at the strain of it.
the joy had returned. He was whole again
in her embrace and that was all that mattered.
Salida moaned as
Jeffrey bucked up into her, and she hunkered over, as if protecting them both
from the strength of his release. Her
lips found his and she kissed him, rejoicing in his shudders and the power of
him. She rode out his orgasm with him,
then allowed herself to collapse just to the side of him.
of him, but that was getting more and more impractical as the weeks passed.
Jeffrey couldn’t
speak yet again. He didn’t have the
energy. All he could do was lie flat on
his back, enjoying the weight of her against him and try and regain some
semblance of the control that held him together.
he managed. He swallowed, his throat
unbelievably hoarse and dry, and spoke.
“Holy fuck.” That was all he
could manage at the moment.
A small laugh
escaped her at that, and she planted a wet kiss on his cheek.
whether or not you find me attractive anymore.”
“That’s . . .
good,” he managed to whisper, still trying to clear his spinning head.
“Exhausted?”
“Nope.
least.
“Mmm.”
“Perhaps you’re the one that needs to take a nap now.”
“Not a bad
idea. Wake me up when it’s time to do
that,” he murmured.
“Will do.”
Jeffrey managed a
brief nod before allowing the darkness to swallow him without a fight.
Salida stayed for
another few minutes to make sure Jeffrey was well and truly asleep before
getting out of bed. She was hungry, but
there wasn’t much left in the house to cook with.
******************************
******************************
Jeffrey was awaked by something . . . he didn’t know exactly
what it was, only that it sounded like . . . purring.
confronted by a pair of gold ones staring back at him.
bearings, and opened them again. Sure
enough, the eyes were still there. “Why
are you fucking here?” he murmured to Obsidian, his voice thick with
sleep. “And why the fuck are you
purring? You’re loud.
Obsidian didn’t move; the purring growing louder.
bit distracting having a vibrating ball of fur settled on top of your chest as
you tried to sleep. “Vixen?” he called
out, hoping she was close by as he sat up gently, hoping Obsidian wouldn’t
stick his claws into his naked chest to hang on.
Salida didn’t hear
him. She was down in the kitchen,
cooking up some Mexican rice to go with her taquitos.
When no one
answered, he sighed, murmured a silent apology to Obsidian, and got up out of
bed. He would have taken a shower, but
it would have been more fun to have Salida with him, so he would wait.
and made his way downstairs to find his wife, looking sleepy and mussed.
“Hey there, sleepy
head,” she greeted him as she stirred her nearly-done rice.
Jeffrey gave her a
grunt in response and took a seat on the edge of the counter, leaning back
against a cabinet to watch her.
She didn’t bother
to try to start further conversation. It
wouldn’t work until he was further awake, and she didn’t really feel like
talking in the first place.
The hour was
getting late – it was a little past nine in the evening – but she’d missed
dinner early so was starving now. There
was enough food for Jeffrey to eat if he was still hungry, or hungry again, but
she wouldn’t be upset if he opted not to eat.
It just meant there’d be leftovers for her.
With her food done,
Salida dished up her own food, poured herself a glass of milk, and went to sit
at the table. Whether Jeffrey joined her
or not was his decision.
Jeffrey pushed
himself off of the counter and went to sit beside her.
have her fill. He propped up his head on
his right elbow and simply watched her.
He had a feeling he’d be doing that a lot in the next few days; just
watching her. He had missed her and now
he found he enjoyed taking pleasure in the little things as well as the
big. And he liked watching her.
At first the
constant attention sort of bugged her, but she forced herself to calm
down. They’d been apart for the longest
amount of time since they’d gotten married.
If he wanted to watch, that was fine by her.
entwine the fingers of her left hand with his right.
He took her hand in
his and brought it up to his lips, kissing her knuckles softly.
me. I’m still fucking tired.”
annoyed, in truth he was filled with pride that she could do that to him.
“It seems only fair
that you should suffer something you make me usually feel.”
“Maybe so,” Jeffrey
conceded with a slight shrug. “I didn’t
say I minded.”
Salida looked him him for a moment, her face completely serious, and then she winked before
returning to her meal.
Jeffrey let out a
genuine laugh at that before leaning back in his chair slightly and letting his
eyes fall shut.
“I like hearing you
laugh, lover. I missed it.”
“You’ll get to hear
it plenty fucking more, I’m sure,” he murmured, not opening his eyes but giving
her a small smile.
She soon finished
her meal, and instead of taking her dishes into the kitchen, she left them
where they were and pulled Jeffrey into the living room.
TV and started flipping through channels, looking for something half-ways
decent to come on.
Jeffrey was more
than a little amused when she saw the show she’d landed on was
Most Wanted. He grew less amused as he
watched it. Police are after this man, billionaire S. J. Sands, wanted in the
murder of almost thirty people. Sands is
considered armed and extremely dangerous and anyone who might come across him
is advised to take extreme caution and contact your local law enforcement
agency at once. They showed a poorly
drawn sketch drawing that Jeffrey snorted at.
It looked nothing like him.
“Change the fucking channel, vixen,” he muttered, not the least bit
amused anymore.
Salida didn’t
really hear the command though. Her hand
was frozen in a white-knuckled grip around the remote and all she could see was
her precarious world tilting just enough to crash.
Jeffrey saw that
she wasn’t reacting and wrenched the remote from her hand and turned off the TV
with more force than was perhaps necessary.
“It’s nothing, vixen. Don’t
fucking worry about it,” he assured her.
In truth, he was more than a little surprised at the contents of the
report himself. Had he really killed
that many people? He hadn’t been keeping
count. Not that he really minded, of
course. They were dead.
“Th-that . . . was
. . . on TV,” she said very slowly, as if trying to explain the reality of what
she’d just seen to herself.
“Yes, it was.
honored or insulted,” he said gently, trying to lighten things up a
little. It didn’t seem to be working.
“People saw
that.” They had to leave.
“Yeah, they
did. But you obviously didn’t.
“They have a
name. You’ve bought stuff while
here. What if someone remembers?”
bought things from aren’t likely to watch this fucking show, vixen.
“What if its a
guilty pleasure?”
“Vixen, you’re
worrying over nothing. I’m fucking fine.
this fucking hack show for help.”
“But what if they
do? Oh god, what if they do?
finding his arms and squeezing, proving that he was still sitting beside her.
“If you want to, we
will. We’ll travel to the other end of
the fucking planet if it’ll make you feel better, vixen,” he said softly,
holding her cl
sorry.” He didn’t want to leave.
fucking city. And the fucking house had
grown on him. And oh fuck, how would
kitty react? And Sands?
now.
Salida realized that
she was still babbling, even over his soft assurances.
to shut her mouth and take deep breaths.
She rested hereheaehead against Jeffrey’s shoulder and just tried to
calm down. Panicking wouldn’t help in
the least.
“I’m ok.
No one.”
“You promise?”
“I fucking swear it
with every fiber of my being.”
Salida nodded and
the tension in her body mutated into tiny shivers.
trying to get herself to relax.
“Yeah, they should
know better. Or at least talk to you,”
he said wryly.
“Are . . . are you
going to tell Sands about this?” she asked hesitantly.
“Uh . . . my first
inclination is fuck no, but I don’t know,” he said, his brow furrowing as he
frowned. “Fuck it.
that would be fucking annoying.”
“But what if the
police really do come? He’ll be pissed
to be caught off guard.”
Jeffrey
blinked. “Oh fuck.”
“Who’ll be pissed
about what?” Sands asked, staring at Salida for a brief second before taking a
look around to gain his bearings. “Hi
sunrise,” he muttered, not knowing what else to say to her.
run off to Hawaii with Aida or not.
“H-hello,
Sands.” Why did she feel like a deer
that’d been caught in the headlights?
“You’re up to
something. What is it?” Sands asked
warily, upon hearing the hesitation in her voice and turning back to face her.
She just stared
back at him, unable to explain. It was
all too much, and her hormones – or whatever the fuck was keeping her from
talking – left her brain dazed.
Jeffrey cursed and “What? “We’re thirty “Oh fuck. “Don’t fucking “Picture?” Sands' “Don’t fucking “He’s –” “And the fucking “Wh-what about the “Do they know my “S.J. “Is that fucking “No, they said “Is that supposed “No,” Jeffrey said “I stay with my Sands thought about “Whatever. “I don’t “But at least you “I suppose,” Sands “What the fuck do “There fucking must “Acting like “Acting like you’ve “I can defend “What the fuck are “That’s what I Sands didn’t want Jeffrey wandered “Here’s the answer: “Apparently so,” She’d just hurt his “Then don’t! “I don’t want you “Then say it. “Oh yeah. “Fine. He’d left. The house was Jeffrey heard the Salida watched him From the safety of It wasn’t until he A wave of relief “I had to get out “You could have “I don't know what “Join the fucking “Stop it!” she “Keep that up and That only made her “You didn’t fucking Salida practically “Shh, vixen. After a long time, “Are you alright, She nodded, Jeffrey kissed the “I don’t deserve “If you don’t “Don’t. “Sorry,” Jeffrey Jeffrey let himself “We have to see the “What time? “Not that “Isn’t that a “It’s an “Oh. “Yes I did. “Oh. “No. “If he throws a “It’s alright. “But you don’t like “So? “Do you really not “If I said I was “No. “One of us has to “Avoid starting “Oh. “But you “No. “If . . . if you “I don’t know, “Even when I told “I . . . like the “How . . .” she Jeffrey “We’re going to “I fucking figured “I don’t know why I “I don’t either She shook her “Good. “I know. Jeffrey didn’t like “No. “Yeah. “But . . . I think “But was it better “No. “I’m sorry. “Don’t. “You were mad at “What part of ‘just She shut her mouth, “Just close your “Rub my back?” she “Alright.” “Your voice rumbles “Is that good or “Neither.” “I love you “You’re “No I’m not. When minutes went It wasn’t the most ****************************** Jeffrey dreamt. He The nightmare faded Jeffrey woke up ****************************** Salida was in the shower when she heard Jeffrey Jeffrey had drawn Sands was in a “Oh god,” she Jeffrey just shook “Nightmare,” Sands “Must have been “Don’t,” Jeffrey “Everyone’s “Shh . . . no one’s “You are. “. . . like “. . . and we “Shh . . . I’m “No . . . “It could Salida didn’t want With a sigh, she “Just let us go,” “And you would “And you would leave “No, I wouldn’t –” “She wouldn’t “Can’t stay. “But the dream –” “Can’t let it “Won’t let it “Good. A few long minutes “And I won’t,” “I’m not asking you Jeffrey didn’t want Sands whispered a Salida stuck close Sands opened his “Downstairs,” “Alright.” Even the thought of “You’re strung “Oh,” Jeffrey said. “When is going to “Give yourself “Don’t want “A little cool Jeffrey still There wasn’t much Sands could hear Jeffrey handed the “I need to get ready Sands nodded. “I assume she’s Jeffrey and Sands “Sands?” “It was . . . bad,” “She’s not dead, “Aida. . .” “I’m here,” she When his hand made Jeffrey blinked at Aida had no idea “Siete ancora qui.” “Yes. “Non potete. “You can’t. Sands blinked at “And I didn’t Jeffrey wanted to “Don’t. How could she Jeffrey nodded a “What’s “Don’t. “I don’t want to She knew without “Does Salida know?” “No. That made Aida Sands just shook “Well, fferffer Sands didn’t Jeffrey frowned at Just as Aida was “Don’t . . . don’t “It’s not The doorbell rang A little bit of “Are you sure? “I’m sure. “Well I want to Aida watched the “Hello again,” “Your husband? “No, but I thought “Oh hello, “Aida,” she “A pleasure to meet “Who the fuck are “Mr. Sands! “What the fuck are “Surely you “Cousin? “Well . . . I can’t “I fucking heard “What did you want Jeffrey opened his Salida just looked “Fuck,” Jeffrey Aida hesitantly “I appreciate your Aida saw this and Jeffrey almost felt “If its normal He thought he might “Sands is “Sands isn’t “It’s not really a Another image “Let me talk to Jeffrey nodded and “Is Jeffrey still Sands shook his Giving her husb
a s
a soft smile, she stood up – cat in hand – and came over to have a seat by Sands “Want me to get you “Please. “You know I’ve got Sands nodded. “I know you “Sands.” “Why?” Sands asked, “Why what?” she “Why do you think “Can you assure me Sands “You know I love “You don’t want me She avoided the “I don’t care what “I don’t want you “You don’t even Aida nodded, and “What would be the “But you could get “It wouldn’t be the “Keep saying that “Who says I haven’t “But who says that “Don’t. “I know it hurts, “J-Jeffrey woke up “What show?” she He took a breath Aida closed her “I don’t know,” he “Do we need to “I don’t know that “Do you want to?” “Ask me that again “You don't really “Sie riefen für “And then what His voice was “More. “Oh my love.” “Why? “I can’t regret the “It won’t go “But you won’t even “It doesn’t Very slowly she “Is that what you “Sands –” she “Sie interessieren “I don’t His voice turned Aida looked at him “You fucking “Keep your fucking Salida’s eyes “That wasn’t the Sands grinned “Oh, so you think It was Sands’ turn She ducked, having “I told her that so “So you want her to “If she stays with “And what happens “You and Jeffrey Oh . . . the “You’re a fool, “Why do you “Yeah, except your “He doesn't need “Who was fucking Sands closed his “Her room’s on the Sands barely had “Just give me a It was funny. “That’s funny,” she “No. . .” Sands “I won’t stand it, “Tell me how to fix “You can’t make me “I can’t make you With a dejected “I’ll try. “That’s not what I “I’m sorry. She couldn’t keep “Do you mean that?” “Yes.” Sands closed his “I know you “Yes I do. “Then don’t say Sands nodded slowly Aida could feel him “Spitfire?” Sands “Damn you,” she He’d heard She had to remind Moving with the Sands wanted to ask Aida reappeared in Moving slowly, she Sands didn’t know “I’m not going to “Alright,” he said “Go clean up your Sands nodded and Aida heard his Sands moved to sit “I’m sorry. “I know. “I’m still sorry,” “I know you “Then what should I There wasn’t much “Not the “Just leave it be,
spoke up. “We’re now one of America’s
most wanted. How about a party?
Jeffrey drawled, his voice cheerful.
worried frown crossing his face.
people? Is that some kind of fucking
record or something? Should we be
calling Guinness right now?”
Jeffrey was. “This is not happening.”
worry about it. All they had was our
names. That’s it.
face paled.
freak out on me now, Sands. It was just
some kind of piece of shit drawing. It
looked nothing like us. There’s nothing
to fucking worry about,” Jeffrey responded.
and she had to swallow several times before she could continue.
About the picture.”
rest?” Sands asked.
rest?” Why hadn’t she just kept her
mouth shut? Sands was getting to her in
a way he never had before.
fucking name?” Sands asked, his ire rising.
all?” Sands asked coldly.
not liking the way Sands was fucking interrogating his wife.
to make me fucking feel better? So what,
are you going to fucking leave the city or not?” Sands asked with a scowl.
without hesitation. Sands turned to
Salida to get her response.
husband,” she whispered. “And I don’t
want to move. But I’m also open to
reason.”
it. “I say wait.
run. If this is just a fucking
ham-fisted attempt to rattle us then we’ll stay.
because it was the only option.
Sands,” Jeffrey insisted.
disagree. But that doesn’t mean that we
can be fucking stupid. We’ve already had
to fucking run four times. I’m as
fucking tired of it as you are,” Sands said, sounding weary.
know. That’s got to be better than not
knowing. Right?”
conversation, something she hated. But
her current shock was compounded by the fact that she hadn’t seen or talked to
Sands since getting pregnant. She had no
idea how he felt about it.
said slowly, giving her a suspicious look.
“What else?” he asked with a sigh.
you mean, what else? There is nothing
else,” Jeffrey responded with a frown.
be or sunrise wouldn’t be acting this way,” Sands pointed out.
what?” She knew what he meant, but that
didn’t mean she couldn’t play dumb.
got something to fucking hide,” Sands responded, growing irritated.
me. I have no idea what the fuck he’s
talking about. She’s not fucking hiding
anything, Sands. That’s all they
said. Leave her the fuck alone,” Jeffrey
ordered with a scowl.
myself, Jeffrey,” Salida murmured, observing Sands out of snly nly weary
eyes. “What do you think is wrong with
me, Sands? What could have possibly
happened that would make me feel a bit off-kilter?”
you talking about– Oh.”
thought. Now if you two will excuse me,
I think I’ll go clean up the kitchen a bit.”
She got up and left the room, not really caring if Jeffrey followed
after or if he stuck around to chew out Sands a bit.
to follow her. A part of him figured
that they had to talk about her impending motherhood, but he didn’t want
to. Hell, that was putting it lightly.
talk to her about that particular subject at this point in time.
say to her, so he said nothing.
into the kitchen a few minutes later. “I
think you fucking scared him off, vixen.
You’ll have to teach me that trick,” he said wryly, regaining his seat
on the countertop.
just get someone pregnant,” she muttered as she swiped cou counter with a soapy
sponge.
Jeffrey muttered in return, looking down at the floor slightly.
feelings. “G she she yelled angrily,
throwing her sponge across the wall.
There was an unhappy yowl that declared that she’d hit one of the cats,
but she didn’t care. “I hate this!
response before forcing himself to be calm.
“I didn’t mean to get you upset, Salida.
I’m fucking sorry. I’m an
inconsiderate bastard.” He moved to take
her in his arms. She could hit or claw
at him all she wanted; he just had to hold her.
“I’m sorry.”
to be sorry,” she said, trying to push him away.
feel without having to worry about hurting someone’s feelings, or making them
mad, or starting fucking world war three.”
the fucking time, vixen. So what if one
of us gets upset? We’ll fucking get over
it. And you’re a long way off from
starting world war three. pan>pan>Trust me on
that.” He didn’t let her go.
just barely moved it out of the way.
I’m saying then I just won’t fucking say anything.”
with her if he could help it. If that
meant fucking walking away from this one, so be it.
into the living room and sat down on the couch heavily.
retreating to leave nothing but the steady beat of guilt at the back of her
head. She was such a bitch.
suddenly too enclosed for her.
ran for the back door, throwing it open hard enough to make it rebound off the
wall. She’d undoubtedly woken Grant up
by now but she didn’t really give a damn.
She just had to get out.
door slam and his face paled and his heart shot up to his throat.
wouldn’t. He ran to the kitchen,
determined to chase after her into the night and bring her back kicking and
screaming if he had to. He came to the
front door and his eyes scanned across the yard.
her name loudly. This is happening. This can’t be
happening. She left.
back, that she had just needed to get out of the house for awhile – to take a
walk – but it was very hard. He didn’t
know what to do.
for awhile, feeling more and more guilt pile on her shoulders for not
immediately telling him she was right behind him.
branches that reached nearly to the ground.
It wasn’t hard – even for a pregnant woman – tomb umb up a ways, and
hide.
her chosen branch, she watched as Jeffrey called her name and looked around for
her, taking note of the near-panic in his voice.
– it had the same impact on her – but she couldn’t say anything.
was going into the house, a defeated slump in his shoulders, that she finally
found her voice. '> “I’m in the tree,
Jeffrey.”
flooded over him and turned to the sound of her voice and looked up.
trying not to show it at her running off.
of the house. It was trapping me.”
just said, ‘Jeffrey, I’m going for a fucking climb up a tree.’
You want me to leave you alone, I will.”
I want,” she said tightly. “One moment I
want to sleep, the next I want to fuck, and then I’m hungry, and then scared,
and then furious, and then nearly homicidal, and then I hate myself.”
club, vixen. I feel like that all the
time,” he muttered, taking a seat under her tree.
happens. If you don’t fucking believe
hinghing else, believe that.”
yelled, suddenly furious again. “Stop
saying that! I don’t know why you love
me. You shouldn’t love me. I’m a
fucking bitch who . . . oh god . . . who. . .”
Her words were choked off as she started to cry.
you’re going to get me wet,” Jeffrey murmured beneath her, refusing to get
angry. “That’s utter bullshit.
and you’re not a bitch. I love you more
than anyone else I’ve ever known, and that’s not going to change.”
cry harder. “Yes I am.
hurt me. And do you really want me to
start on the list of things I’ve done to you, vixen?
you don’t. But we worked through
them. Just like we’ll fucking work
through this. That’s supposedly what
married couples do. They don’t give up
when things get hard, and they don’t question their love for each other.
you. It’s as fucking simple and as
complicated as that.”
fell out of her tree trying to get back to the ground and to her husband.
once his arms were around her, she collapsed into him completely, still crying.
I love you.” He whispered these
words over and over again, holding her close and still as she cried into his
chest. He didn’t even comment on the
fact that he could feel his shirt getting wet.
It didn’t bother him. What
bothered him was the fact that she doubted his love for her.
though.
Salida finally stopped. Her breath
shuddered in and out of her lungs, her eyes felt gritty, and her muscles were
weak, but she’d run out of tears. Left
with no other choice, she clung weakly to her husband, hoping he’d take her to
bed soon.
vixen?” he asked softly, holding her even tighter than before as he felt the
tension drain out of her body. “Do you
want to sleep?”
murmuring some incoherent agreement that she
couldn’t even discern.
top of her forehead and scooped her up into his arms.
for much longer while she continued to gain weight from the pregnancy, but that
wasn’t the case now. He carried her into
the house and up the stairs slowly, but without falter, not stopping until she
was in bed. He wasn’t really tired
himself, but he would join her anyway.
He sat on his side of the bed and began to undress in silence.
you,” she whispered into the darkness.
She could hear the various rustles he was making cease as he took in her
words. He’d deny it – she knew he would
– but it was true.
deserve me, I sure as fuck don’t deserve you.
Thankfully, that’s not the way it fucking works.
deserved, I’d be dead or in jail right now.”
He hadn’t meant to give such a depressing example, but he couldn’t help
it. It was true.
a soft but harsh voice. As if to
emphasize that the conversation had reached a dead end, she rolled over onto
her side and slammed her fist into her pillow a few times in the pretense of
fluffing it.
said with a sigh. Should have just kept your fucking mouth shut, asshole.
laying flat on his back and staring up at the ceiling.
Wordlessly, she moved across the bed until she could rest her head on
his chest. It rose and fell with every
breath he took, and his heart beat reassuringly in her ear.
smile upon feeling her weight on her chest, and obliged her by not moving.
anything. “Get some rest, vixen.
doctor in the morning,” she murmured.
fucking thing off my hand,” he muttered.
He then frowned deeply as a thought occurred to him.
I have to get the stitches out, don’t I?
That’ll be fucking fun.”
doctor. The OB-GYN.”
doctor?” he asked with a frown, not understanding what she meant.
obstetrician-slash-gynecologist. I don’t
think she’s going to be able to do much for you.”
pregnant women. I think I got it.
though. I’ll fucking make Sands do it,”
he murmured. “You didn’t tell me what
time your appointment was.”
oncology clinic.”
get there? We can’t all fit in the
Porsche. Or did you want to take a
fucking cab?” This was good.
we?” She yawned.
Grant’s side tomorrow?”
him. He’ll just have to fucking deal
with it. They ran off to fucking Hawaii.
office.”
fit, you can blame me. For being stupid
enough to get pregnant in the first place.”
This was greeted with silence and she winced.
it when I talk that way either,” she murmured.
care, or are you just trying to avoid another fight?” she asked softly.
trying to avoid another fucking fight would you get upset?” he responded.
do what, vixen?”
fights.”
He wished that neither one of them had to fill that particular role, but
that didn’t seem to be a fucking option.
that,” she pressed anyway.
had thought I could have kids . . . would you have pressed the issue eventually?”
vixen. Maybe.
to me.”
you that I couldn’t?”
idea of having a kid, vixen. You fucking
know that. I don’t know why, I just do,”
he frowned as he said this, confused at his own motivations.
why it was. Why the fuck did he want
kids? He couldn’t answer that even
within his own mind.
swallowed. “How does
sighed. “You’ll have to ask him
that. He hasn’t fucking told me.”
have to talk about it eventually,” she whispered, glad for the darkness.
as much,” he agreed with a sigh.
was scared of him tonight.”
vixen. You haven’t ever been scared of
him, have you?” Jeffrey asked with a frown.
head. “Wary?
But never scared. I’ve never even
been scared of you.”
softly.
Sands. I don’t like being scared of him.”
it either. “Maybe you just weren’t ready
to talk about being pregnant yet. You
haven’t talked to him since you found out, have you?
and Grant had left.”
muttered.
the time helped. Well . . . me at
least. I couldn’t stand being so
uncomfortable around you, lover. It was
tearing me up just as much as it was you.”
the barest hint of betrayal at her unwillingness to have him back right away
past him. “I know.
than sitting around, watching me, waiting for me to say something and being
hurt with each minute that went by when I didn’t?”
Just fucking forget about it. I’m
here now."
me. When I asked you not to come
back. I should have changed my mind.”
fucking forget about it’ don’t you understand, vixen?
I’m not mad. Stop fucking
worrying about it.”
not wanting to instigate another argument.
She’d done her fair share of that lately.
but it was hard.
eyes and listen vixen. Let the sounds of
the fucking night put you to sleep. It’s
how I do it,” he murmured upon feeling her tense body and seeing her close her
eyes.
asked softly, trying to do what he asked.
In the past days she’d become accustomed to the creaking and cracks of
the house as it settled at night, and she heard the ticking of a clock across
the room, but no matter how exhausted her mind was, she couldn’t get her body
to relax.
rubbing her back gently but firmly, trying to relax her enough for her to fall
asleep. “Just let the sounds of the room
put you to sleep. Listen to the beating
of my heart, if you want. Don’t think
about anything except that fucking sound.
Focus on it and left your mind drift.”
He trailed off, growing completely silent so she could better hear, and
continued rubbing.
in your chest,” she mumbled, her words starting to slur a bit.
bad?” he couldn’t help ask with a slight smile, his hands moving up to her
shoulders now.
Even if I pick fights.”
too. Even if you think you pick fights,”
he said, his hands moving up to stroke her hair now.
patronizing,” she breathed, before giving up the effort of speech altogether.
it.” He kept rubbing her hair.
by and Salida didn’t reply, Jeffrey realized she was finally asleep.
one arm slung over his body, and her chest pressed against his ribcage.
comfortable position to sleep in, but he wouldn’t have moved her for the
world. He kept stroking her hair, simply
watching her sleep. “I love you
Salida. And I will protect you.
his own advice and get some rest. After
a few hours of fitful shallow sleep filled with disturbing dreams and
nightmares, he finally fell into a deep sleep and did not stir again until the
next morning.
******************************
didn’t often remember his dreams, but this was one that would stay with him for
a good long while. <
<
glass and men yelling; he immediately jumped out of bed after grabbing Salida’s
arm and shaking her awake. They ran.
chased. “Jeffrey, what’s going on?”
Salida asked, panic clear in her voice, all traces of sleepiness gone the
instant she had been yanked out of bed.
responded, running down the hall as an afterthought to grab Aida too.
by black clad men with guns locked on her.
scream as she lunged for him, thel ofl of Sands’ name on her lips as she was
gunned down right there in the bed.
Salida behind him as they raced down the stairs.
and now was utterly silent within Jeffrey’s head.
been screaming.
door when he head a loud CRACK. “Jeffrey?”
Salida whispered. He knew he should run,
but something in her voice made him stop and turn to look at her.
could get another word out.
determined to tear every man he came across apart with his bare hands.
knocked unconscious.
to a new scene; Jeffrey was trapped within its grasp, unable to wake up.
the wall of the padded cell, in rage and frustration, but there was no point.
had seemed – by begging the judge that he be put to death.
instead. Considered it a mercy for
someone so obviously insane. The doctors
had learned to keep him drugged to near unconsciousness and restrained after
the first suicide attempt. It had
failed. He had been so close, but even
death was taken away from. He had
nothing to live for and yet that’s all he had left.
screaming.
******************************
screaming. Not even bothering to turn
off the water, she threw open the shower curtain and grabbed a towel.
body, she ran into the bedroom.
“Jeffrey!”
up his knees and was sitting up pressed against the headboard, shaking, sweaty
and pale as the sheet he was trembling under.
He didn’t even acknowledge her yell, he was still lost within the
nightmare.
similar state. He had seen everything
Jeffrey had seen and now he could only repeat the word “no” over and over
again, willing the dream away.
breathed when she saw the state he was in.
“Jeffrey, what happened?” She
rushed to the bed and sat down beside him, her hands stroking his head.
his head violently and tried to move away from her, still not fully aware of
the world around him, or even that he seemed to have tears running down his
face.
managed, unable to say anything else. He
just wanted the images to stop. How
could he make them stop? He pressed his
hands against his eyes and tried to block them out but not being able to see
didn’t matter. They were still
there. Both men moaned, too hoarse to
scream again.
some nightmare,” she whispered, working to catch one of his hands.
offering proof that she was right there.
practically pleaded with her. “Not fair,
not real. Not fair, not real. . .”
interrupted by Sands.
dead. Oh god.
willing himself to focus on it and come back to reality.
from ranting.
dead. Everyone is present and accounted
for. Even the cats.”
– she thought Sands was here too – so badly?
Especially when they hated each other and didn’t hold the same things
dear to them?
Stolen away . . .” Jeffrey started.
spitfire. Both g-gone.
failed.” Jeffrey ended.
here. Aida’s here.
that, but I saw her in the kitchen when I was getting breakfast.
but it was just a dream.”
worse. God, so much fucking worse.
happen. So real. . .” Sands added.
not wanting to deal with anything else right now.
to let go, but she couldn’t let them sink away from her eithspanspan
style='mso-spacerun:yes'> And she couldn’t pull them back without being
decently covered at the very least.
gently pulled her hand away, and moved off the bed.
to put it on, and another two to move back to the bed.
and she wouldn’t be surprised if that was the case.
around their shoulders and pulled their body forward until their head was
pressed against her shoulder. She didn’t
bother saying anything – it wouldn’t help at the moment – but she did hold
them. It was all she could really do at
the moment.
Jeffrey tried pleading with her. “Can’t
let that happen. If we’re not around, it
won’t.” Sands nodded in agreement.
leave me for that? For a dream?
without you. I might not kill myself,
but I’ll waste away. Slowly.
Grant now?” she addressed Sands. “When
you’ve probably made all sorts of promises to her?
–” Jeffrey and Sands’ murmured comments
almost overlapped each other. “Can’t
leave.”
happen. Won’t let it happen.”
happen. We’ll stay.”
each other’s nerves real fast if we had to hunt you down.”
physical comfort, she knew she couldn’t.
Not with Sands here. But she
found she couldn’t ask him to leave either.
So she sat and held them, hoping they’d soon come to themselves.
passed before they spoke again. The
trembling had never quite stopped, and didn’t look as if it was going to any
time soon, but their speech was coherent once more.
vixen. I can’t,” Jeffrey murmured.
her, but Jeffrey silently pleaded with him to let him stay and Sands had
surprisingly agreed without hesitation.
Sands added softly.
to. I’m here if you want to talk, Jeffrey,
but I’m not going to force you to do anything.”
Pulling back a bit she met their eyes.
“Do you want to go downstairs?
Wait for Grant to finish primping?”
to, he wanted to stay up here within his wife’s arms, but Sands did and he
wouldn’t deny him that. He couldn’t deny
him the opportunity to prove to himself that Aida was alive and whole.
couldn’t have been th'>that cruel.
soft thank you, trying to will himself to stop shaking.
get out of this bed. It didn’t even
matter that they were going to see Aida anymore – although god he needed to see
her – he just had to get out of that
bed. Right fucking now.
to their side, to left as always, and stayed close incase their legs decided to
give out or something. “Go downstairs,
or see if Grant’s out of the shower yet?” she asked softly.
mouth to say that he wanted to go see her, but he stopped himself.
She was alright. She had to be.
alright before he could see her. He
wasn’t, but he had to try.
Jeffrey answered for him upon seeing his hesitation.
appearing to be more than a shadow by their side.
reached the ground floor.
food brought an feeling of nausea with it, so that was a definite no.
himself to stop shaking at least, but he wasn’t having any more luck than Sands
seem to. “Why won’t it stop?” he asked
himself in frustration.
out,” she murmured softly, directing them towards the living room and the
couch. “Adrenaline high.”
stop?” Sands asked.
another ten or twenty minutes. The
trembling should subside.” Making sure
they were seated, she went into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water from
the fridge. “Here,” she said once she'd
returned to the living room. She held
the bottle out to them.
it. I feel fucking sick,” Jeffrey said
with a shake of his head.
water might help. Just a sip or two,”
she urged, twisting the cap off and offering it again.
didn’t want it, but Sands grabbed it from her and took a few small sips before
pressing the cold bottle to his forehead and shutting his eyes.
she could say to that, so she took a seat across from them on the coffee table,
and waited in silence for Aida to appear.
Her footsteps could be heard above them as she went back and forth,
preparing for her day. Salida hoped that
was enough reassurance for Sands to relax a bit.
Aida moving about above them as surely as Salida could, but it brought no
comfort. He needed to see her.
alright. At least, he hoped it would.
water bottle back to Salida. “We’ll be
alright, vixen,” he said softly.
if I’m going to make my appointment on time,” she said softly.
there?”
his half dressed state. All he had on
was a pair of Jeffrey’s boxers.
seen you in boxers before. Don’t
worry.” Salida patted their shoulder,
then stood, stretching as she did so.
“I’ll send her down, and I’ll be in my room.”
leaned back into the deep couch, pulling their legs up close and wrapping their
arms around their chest. They were not
ok. Neither man could remember ever
having such a dream affect them like this before.
let them go. Perhaps what made it seem
so real is that it was based on something that could actually happen.
blatantly unreal within the dream it might have been easier to set aside.
downstairs.
that was making Aida so cautious, but when she caught sight of her husband,
that all disappeared. “Oh . . . my
love,” she breathed as she rushed to the couch.
“She didn’t say it’d been this bad.”
Crouched on the floor by his side, she cupped his face to make him look
at her.
Sands said, his eyes locked upon her face.
Sands. It’s ok.
inexplicably trying to comfort him.
had closed up and he hadn’t been able to speak another word.
him. He had seen her die.
him. She was fine.
touch her, needing to reassure himself of her presence; needing to know she was
real.
whispered, letting him touch and trace her face.
give. “I’m here and I’m fine.”
contact with her face his composure cracked, but no tears came.
Siete giusti. Siete vivi.
the stream of Italian coming out of Sands’ mouth, but did not comment on it.
what he was saying, but she listened anyway.
“That’s right. I’m still
here.” Moving slowly, she sat on the
edge of the couch. “I’m still here.”
Sands repeated back to her.
effortlessly, since Sands didn’t to notice she couldn’t understand a fucking
word he was saying.
And not going anywhere.”
speaking in Italian anymore.
I love you,” Jeffrey translated again.
“Sands, start speaking fucking English again.
complained. He must have been feeling a
little better.
that. “Che cosa significate?
Sorry about that. I didn’t
notice,” Sands said slowly.
mind. I told you that you could use
other languages if you wanted to tell me something, but didn’t want me to
know.” She combed her fingers through
his hair.
pull away from Aida’s touches but he didn’t for Sands’ sake.
for him, he could bear this for Sands.
“I’m here, Aida. Thought you
should know,” Jeffrey said softly.
stop? Giving the men a reassuring smile,
she murmured, “I won’t do anything too offensive.
thanks and Sands just leaned into her touch.
The trembling was finally starting to wear off, but the images hadn’t
stopped playing themselves on the backs of their eyelids yet.
wrong?” The question left Aida’s mouth
before she could stop it. Salida had
warned her not to get inquisitive, but how could she not when they were in so
much pain?
talk about it, spitfire,” Sands added softly.
asking that this was one of “those things.”
The ones she wasn’t supposed to want to know.
wanted more than anything to understand him.
she asked softly, certain that if the other woman did, she’d go insane.
No one can.” This came from both
men. They were determined to hold on to
this nightmare tight, not caring that it would surely poison them.
relax a bit. She was tired of being the
only one who didn’t know what was going on.
“Someday you’ll want to. Even if
it’s in Mandarin Chinese,” she murmured, not pressing any further.
his head. “No.
I just want to forget.” He closed
his eyes and forced himself to concentrate on the feeling her hand made as it
wound its way through his hair; nothing else.
stands for as long as you remember it.”
Ever so softly, she placed a kiss on his scalp, doing her best to not
make Jeffrey uncomfortable, but needing to comfort her husband.
respond because to respond would be to acknowledge that there was something to
remember. He didn’t want to
remember. He wanted to erase every trace
of the fucking nightmare from his mind.
the contact but forced himself not to move.
Sandsded ded this as surely as he needed Salida’s presence right
now. But he had had his time.
about to say something more, the doorbell rang.
The men tensed within her arms, causing her to worry.
What is it?”
answer it,” Sands said softly but with great intent.
them. It can’t be them.
he apparently wasn’t doing a very good job of it, because his face had paled
dramatically again.
again, followed by knocking that managed to sound cheerful.
tension leaked out of Sands’ shoulders.
Not a lot, but some. “They
wouldn’t knock. You can answer it.
was. Not to mention he wasn’t wearing
anything but his boxers.
later.”
slightly unsteady legs and beginning to make his way to the stairs.
fucking know who it is. I’ll be back,
kitty,” Jeffrey said, sounding full of false bravado.
wasn’t afraid. It was almost working.
men go upstairs before walking to the front door.
entry way, whoever it was outside rang
the doorbell again. “Oh my god, be
patient,” she muttered, finally getting to the door and opening it.
Martha O’Reily called out, before frowning when confronted with Aida.
My name is Martha O’Reily and this is my husband, Edward.
last time we came.” Martha apparently
wasn’t too daunted by Aida’s utterly confused look and kept going on, her bored
looking husband standing silently at her side.
slowly, wishing she knew what confabulation had been told to these two.
to look cheerfully confused. “That’s
funny. He didn’t mention you, dear.”
I explained that I had come to New Orleans to help him and his wife the last we met,” Salida drawled, coming into view.
Salida. What a pleasure it is to see you
again. Edward and I came by to see if
you’d like to take us up on our offer for dinner this evening.
about Mr. Sands’ wife. Do forgive me. .
. ?” Martha trailed off, waiting for
Aida to fill in the gap with her name.
replied, not bothering to be particularly friendly.
you, Aida. You are welcome to join us as
well if you’d like,” she said with a bright smile, refusing to be anything but
cheerful. If she had noticed Aida’s
attitude toward her, she gave no sign.
“Isn’t that right Ed–” She was cut off by Jeffrey arriving at the door,
looking at them both, and turning to whisper in Salida’s ear.
these people and what the fuck are they doing here?”
your wife, Aida over whether or not you’d like to join us for dinner tonight,”
Martha filled him in.
you talking about?” Jeffrey asked with a frown.
Martha gasped a little at his curse, but didn’t comment on it.
remember the O’Riley’s, right Sands?” Salida asked very carefully meeting her
husband’s eyes. Then turning back to the
couple on the doorstep, she said, “I’m sorry for my cousin’s behavior.
honeymoon trip to Hawaii yesterday. He
must not be over the jet lag yet.”
Jeffrey cut himself off at Salida’s stern glare and turned to the
O’Reily’s with a forced smile. “Of
course I remember you. Who wouldn’t?
dinner, but I’m still very tired with the jet lag.
Thanks for stopping by though.
Goodbye.” He pulled Aida and
Salida inside – one woman on each arm – smiled at the now slightly confused
O’Reily’s brightly, and closed the door.
“Never answer the fucking door again,” he muttered, letting go of the
two women and making his way to the couch.
say that we weren’t doing just fine until you showed up at the door,” Salida
said in a measured voice. She was really
trying to keep her irritation down, but it was growing harder and harder.
them knocking earlier and I wanted to know who it was.
all the details of the nice little lie you cooked up.
me to tell them? That Sands is married
to Aida and I’m married to you, but you both happen to be in the same
body? I don’t know about you, but most
people would see that as a polygamous relationship.
cousins and that you’re in the military and not around a whole lot.”
the irrational feelings that he was trying to make this all her fault, but
couldn’t. Spinning back to him, she said
in a low voice, “And excuse me for not fucking explaining all this earlier.
mouth to say something, he wasn’t entirely sure what that something was going
to be but it didn’t sound good in his head so he kept his mouth wisely
shut. “I’m sorry, vixen.
you. I’m just . . . off this morning. Sorry,” he
muttered again. “Don’t worry about the
fucking neighbors. They don’t
matter. I’ll just kill them later if
they get to be too annoying.” The joke
fell flat without a single shred of humor behind it.
at him for a moment, then muttered, “I need to finish getting ready.
upstairs.
muttered, slouching back in the couch and pinching the bridge of his nose.
coming on. “Sands, you’re fucking in
there. In my head.
headache I’d fucking appreciate it,” Jeffrey muttered.
walked into the living room and took a seat across from Jeffrey.
Aggie bounded into the room, being chased by Obsidian.
refuge in her lap while Obsidian delightedly pounced on Jeffrey’s foot.
desire to learn how to attack things bigger and meaner than you, but now isn’t
the fucking time,” Jeffrey addressed Obsidian, reaching down to pick him up and
settle the kitten on his lap. While
petting Obsidian wasn’t really doing much for his headache, it made him feel a
little better. He knew Aida was sitting
across from him, but if she wanted something she’d have to speak up.
swallowed hard, unsure of how her words would be received.
the poor man anyway. “Just give her a
few weeks. The worst of the temper
tantrums seem to level off after the first trimester.”
guilty for the amount of relief he felt.
“Thanks. Now I’ve just got to
make it through the next few fucking weeks,” he muttered under his breath.
that. It’s at the same time as your
appointment. I had planned to go, but
now. . .” he trailed off as a series of images flashed past his eyes:
blood from his slit wrists. Why hadn’t
they let him die? He shuddered,
startling Obsidian into meowing at him in irritation.
OB-GYN fair, then they’ll have her in a room decorated in soft pinks, where the
curtains are covered in frills, and the only medical equipment present is an
ultrasound machine.” When Jeffrey looked
at her curiously, she explained. “My
sister wasn’t what you’d call a prude.
She got pregnant before she was out of high school.
provide moral support with a few women I’ve worked with.”
be able to deal with that. Maybe.
“Do you . . . want Sands to go to your appointment?”
his other half after the fucking experience they had just shared.
uncomfortable enough coming with me as it is.
Something tells me today might be different.
him.”
fucking here. I don’t think he wants to
be around at the moment. I don’t fucking
blame him,” he muttered softly. “What’s
the hospital like?” If it was anything
like what he had seen in his dream, then there was no chance in hell Sands
would go. Jeffrey knew of his “dislike”
of hospitals – Sands had had it for almost as long as Jeffrey had been around –
and that would be working against him as well as the nightmare.
hospital. It’s an oncology clinic . . .
but it seems to be close enough. The
only part of it that reminds me of a hospital are the corridors and the machine
I have to lie in to get my radiation.
The rest of it involves sitting in a second-hand armchair with an IV in
my arm for an hour or so.”
flashed: winding white halls that never
seemed to end. Faceless doctors standing
on the sidelines as he was wheeled down.
“He’d go because he’s fucking stubborn . . . but he shouldn’t.
It wouldn’t be . . . good for him to be there.”
him. It’s best he knows about the change
in plans now rather than waking up in the middle of Salida’s check up.”
reached down into the deep, dark part of his subconscious that Sands had hidden
himself away in and yanked him out hard.
Sands blinked for a moment in fear and confusion before his eyes settled
on Aida’s face. “Hi spitfire,” he
murmured slowly, his hand absently continuing to pet Obsidian.
here?” She didn’t really want him to
be. The things she wanted to say would
probably make him uncomfortable.
head. Jeffrey had buried himself away
like Sands had, wanting to be away from the world for a moment.
him. “How’re you feeling?”
still determined to make him ask her to use it.
shrugged. “I have a hell of a headache,”
he muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose like Jeffrey had earlier.
bad as to be expected.”
some aspirin?”
said slowly, wincing slightly as Obsidian shifted his position and placed
an appointment today, right?” Her voice
was soft and her eyes concerned.
will. And yes I do.”
not. Besides, Salida’s seeing her OB-GYN
to check up on the baby at the same time I’m getting radioactive particles shot
at my brain.”
pushing aside everything but her first statement.
asked, wrinkling her brow. “Why is she
seeing a doctor?”
it’s better I not come?”
that you nightmare wasn’t about doctors or hospitals?”
hesitated. He could have lied, but he
had a feeling she knew the truth already and was merely getting
confirmation. “No.”
having you with me,” she murmured, finding his hand and squeezing it.
time, it makes an unpleasant situation even worse.”
to come?” he asked softly. If Obsidian
was annoyed that Aida had stopped Sands from petting him, he didn’t show
it. He merely yawned and buried his face
under a paw on Sands’ lap.
question. “Jeffrey would like to go with
Salida to her appointment.”
want, Aida?”
to sit by my side for over an hour, worrying and reliving your nightmare.”
know what the nightmare was fucking about,” Sands said hollowly.
I’ll let Jeffrey go with sunrise.
Could you get me that aspirin now?”
got up. She came back with the aspirin
and watched him swallow it. Taking the
bottle from his hand, she asked again, “Will you tell me about it?
point?” he asked, his voice sounding weary.
He hadn’t slept well last night, nightmares notwithstanding.
anyway.”
it off your chest,” she whispered. “It’s
not worth letting it stay inside you, haunting you.
fucking first one I’ve had. Nor the
last. They all haunt me.
and one day you might find out,” she responded, wondering why she was still
trying. “Is it really so hard to tell
me?”
found out already?” he whispered. “By
telling it I remember it. I don’t want
to remember it, Aida.”
by keeping quiet you won’t
remember? And of course you remember it
now. It’s still fresh in your mind.”
from her and hunching a little as if to escape her glance by making himself
smaller. He didn’t seem to realize he
was doing it.
my love, but does it honestly hurt any less to keep it to yourself?”
cats on the ground, she pulled him towards her and wrapped her arms around him,
offering what safety she could. “Tell
me.”
to a noise. It was the police.
me in. They came crashing through the
windows. He took sunrise and ran to your
room. You were . . . oh god.
her.
asked softly, not pressing for more at the moment.
and tried to calm himself enough to answer her question.
eyes and swallowed hard. “Are you
safe?” It was the first question that
came to mind.
answered honestly. He wasn’t in the mood
to reassure her.
leave?”
either. Jeffrey doesn’t want to.”
when you haven’t got me fucking trawling through my nightmares,” he said
evenly.
have to tell me tell me.
can say it in . . . in Russian if it’ll make you more comfortable.”
“What happened when Jeffrey came into our room?”
mich aus und wurden von der Polizei geschossen.
Sie wurden sofort getötet.”
happened?” she kept quizzing. This was
an instance when she didn’t need to understand.
All that mattered was that he find some relief.
utterly emotionless now. “Sunrise was
shot by the police. Jeffrey watched her
die.”
Or was there more?”
took us down. We were arrested, tried
and convicted. I begged the judge for
the death penalty but he wouldn’t listen.
He felt sorry for me. Locked me
up in a room with padded white walls and a straightjacket for company.
to her, she suspected she had died as well.
“Oh my poor love,” she whispered, squeezing him tight.
It’s something that very well could really happen the longer you stay
around me. Don’t be sorry.
pain you’re feeling?” she whispered. “I
can’t regret that there’s nothing you’ll let me do to make it go away?”
away. It never will,” he responded
solemnly.
let me try, would you? You didn’t even
want to tell me.”
matter. I told you.
change. Happy now?
coldly.
pulled away, tears pricking her eyes.
“I’m happy that you trust me enough to confide in me,” she
whispered. “It was never about topping
Salida. It was out of concern for you.”
tell yourself?” he hissed. “Bullshit.”
started helplessly before he cut her off.
Why was he being so cruel?
nicht sich für mich. Weibchen.
gelassen haben. Ich hasse Sie.”
out the German, his eyes cold and black.
understand,” she whispered, moving off the couch.
situation when she was in one, and she felt that danger now.
patronizing. “I said, you don’t care for
me. Bitch.
that. I hate you.
better, don’t you think? That means I
towards her as he spoke.n stn style='mso-spacerun:yes'> The cats
scattered. “You never cared about
me. I fucking trusted you.
bring more fucking pain. Thanks a
fucking lot, Aida. God, why do I even
put up with you? You’ll never understand
me. You say you’ll try, but that’s a
fucking lie like everything else. You
know nothing about me. Why don’t you do
us both a fucking favor and get out of my life before one of us says something
we might regret later?” He grabbed one
of her arms. “Just go,” he seethed.
once, her eyes full of pain, then fled the room.
abusing her, when Salida came down the stairs.
She didn’t look happy.
whoreson,” she said quietly. “You son of
a fucking bitch. Just how much to do you
think she can take before she hires a lawyer to draw up the divorce
papers? Because no sane woman would put up with that.
And above all else, your wife happens to be sane.”
nose out of my business, you nosy bitch,” Sands hissed.
life.”
narrowed right before she drew her arm back and swung at him.
sending him several steps back where he tripped over a cat and fell to his ass
on the floor.
right response,” she informed him as she looked down at his sprawled form.
manically, his bottom lip red with blood from where he had bitten into it.
and managed to stand without falling again.
“Oh? Do enlighten me then, since
you seem to be a fucking master of all the right responses.
after finding out you were fucking knocked up was the right response then, was
it?”
Aida just ought to commit suicide, is that it?”
She laughed. “We’re fucking
insane, Sands, but that doesn’t mean Aida will put up with what we will.
you don’t care either.”
to take a swing at Salida. “Don’t you
fucking say that, you bitch, don’t you dare.
She is the only thing in this
world I give even half a damn about.”
suspected he’d try that. “That’s why you
just told her you hated her – oh, excuse me, fucking hated her – and then told her that you think she’s a liar,
and you want her out of your life, right?”
that she’d fucking leave me and be safe!” Sands yelled at the top of his lungs
before crumpling to the floor, his anger utterly spent, darkness seeping in and
filling him with a gaping emptiness.
leave then.” Salida was relentless.
at the drop of a hat was making her stand up for a woman she didn’t like.
me, she’ll end up dead. If she leaves
she’ll be safe. I don’t want her to
leave.” The last line was whispered so
softly that Salida had to strain to hear.
to you if she leaves?” Salida knew she
was going to have to cancel her appointment.
There was no way she was going to make it today.
will get what you wanted. I’ll be
gone.” Sands was speaking to her, even
looking at her, but it was clear he wasn’t seeing her at all and was only
responding when questions were posed to him.
temptation to simply accept that was strong.
If she just stood by and did nothing, she’d have almost everything she
ever wanted . . . but something stopped her.
Sheldon Sands,” she spat. “Your wife
loves you. And while she’s probably
fucking pissed and considering moving in with a friend for a few days,
committing pseudo-suicide isn’t going to help her get over things.
happen to Jeffrey if you kick the bucket.”
care?” Sands still seemed to be looking
right through her as he spoke. “You
don’t. You never have.
leave me alone? You want me gone.
Everybody’s happy.” His voice was
practically monochromatic.
grieving widow and me when Jeffrey murders me in his sleep because he’s
unbalanced without you,” she muttered.
me. Why aren’t you taking what I’m
offering?” The barest hint of emotion,
of confusion, made its way into his voice.
around first, Sands? You or him?
have become so interdependent that the death of one means the death of the
other, I also think that you stand a better chase of surviving alone than he
does. I want nothing more than to have
you out of our life, but not at the risk of his.”
eyes tightly at her words. “Why should I
stay? There’s nothing for me here.
fucking second floor, Sands. And she
hasn’t come downstairs.” Salida was
getting exasperated by this point.
time to process her words before he found himself on his feet and racing up the
stairs. He had fucked everything
up. He had to fix it.
but he had to fucking try. He apchedched
his and Aida’s room hesitantly, wiping at his still bleeding lip absently – he
had bitten into it hard when Salida had punched him.
a reminder of what a complete fucking idiot he was.
“Aida?” he called out softly, not daring to enter the room.
its turn in the line of things plaguing him returned with a vengeance and he
was for a moment convinced that he would find her dead on the bed after having
called out to him. That quickened his
steps and he moved into the bedroom.
moment and I’ll be ready to go.” Her
voice was calm, as if she were talking about a jaunt to the store or
something. Her actions however, were
anything but casual. There was a
suitcase on the bed, half packed, and an odd sparkle on the nightstand.
he didn’t have a heart. If that had been
true, then he wouldn’t have felt it shattering now.
words came out in desperate cries.
“Don’t go. Please.
Stay. I can’t do this without
you. I love you.
don’t go.” He wanted very much to run to
her but he couldn’t. He was rooted to
the spot, unable to move. “Don’t. . .”
said very slowly as she folded a t-shirt.
“Oh well . . . it must be one of those things I’ll never
understand. But perhaps this is just
your attempt at a joke, in which case you’d be right about me not knowing you
and never understanding you.” Aida was
very careful not to turn and look at him.
She’d seen too many women trapped in abusive relationships to cherish
one herself. This had to be done.
moaned; a piece of his shattered heart broke even further.
left. No heano sno soul, no life.
Never a joke. You understand me
better than I understand myself, Aida.
You know me better than I know myself.
You always have. Please don’t do
this. I’ll do anything.
I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.
I got mad. You made me tell you
about my dream. I took it out on
you. Please, I had to watch you die in
my dream. I can’t lose you again.
Sands.” She emphasized his last name,
refusing to use his first name even though he’d given her the permission she
wanted. “I won’t stay here until I’m too
weak to leave, trapped with a man who verbally abuses me because he can’t help
himself. That’s what my uncle used to
say to my aunt when he beat her while he was drunk.
Don’t leave. I didn’t mean
it.’” The shirt went into the
suitcase. “She stayed.
alive. But she doesn’t love her
husband. I want to love you.
it. I’ll do it.
Just don’t go.” His lip had
started bleeding again but he paid it no mind.
What he did think about was the fact that he wouldn’t be able to change
her mind; that she would leave him. If
that happened . . . if that happened he’d make them all happy and blow the back
of his head off. Sure, Aida would mourn,
maybe, and so would Salida, but they would get over it eventually.
peace. He even had a gun.
temple, pull the trigger and it’d all be over.
He’d be over. But he didn’t want
that to happen. “Don’t go.
stay,” she murmured. “You can’t make me
do a damn thing. Just like I can’t make
you do anything. The most you can do is
convince me to stay, and I don’t know how you can do that.
do. You just have to know.”
slowly as she could? She didn’t want to
leave! Her heart screamed at her to
stay. To forgive.
her point, the next time he chose to take out his anger on her would come
sooner and be worse.
stay,” he repeated dejectedly. “You’re
right. I can’t.
I can’t make promises. I can’t
say this will never happen again because I don’t know that it won’t.
I can. I can only ask you to stay and
say that I’ll try. I’ll try to
change. Because I love you too much not
to. I don’t want this to happen
again. And as long as I’m . . . like
this, it could. I’d try to change for
you.” He didn’t know what else to
say. He wouldn’t give up yet
though. If she still wouldn’t stay, he’d
keep fighting until she would. He wanted
to keep that gun out of his hand.
sigh, Aida took a seat on the bed.
“That’s all I can ask for, isn’t it?
For you to try. All I can ask for
without ruining other lives, and at least one of those an innocent.”
I’ll do whatever you want. I’m so
sorry, spitfire. I never meant to hurt
you. Never.
want. Every nightmare, every thought,
everything. Just don’t leave me.”
want!” she yelled, standing to look at him for the first time since he'd come
into the room. Her eyes were red-rimmed
and her cheeks were wet with tears. “You
can’t bribe me with your confidences. I
don’t want your duty. If I wanted duty
I’d go home. I want you to
that I’ll do whatever I can to help you.
I got married to stand at your side, not to be the whore in your bed.”
It’s hard. I’m not used to asking
for help,” he whispered. “And I would
with conviction.
fighting. She wasn’t strong enough.
I’ll stay.”
Sands dared to hope. His heart was still
shattered, but not beyond repair. At
least, he hoped not.
rubbing at her temples.
eyes and felt his entire being give off a wave of relief.
are. You don’t have to say it
again.” Her voice was flat.
anything. Words aren’t always
necessary.”
and moved to stand beside her. He wanted
nothing more than to take her into his arms and never let go, but he
couldn’t. Not yet.
standing beside her, and she would have left him there for some time, but a hot
tickle in her nostril roused her. With a
strangled cry of frustration, she shot up and ran into the bathroom, stemming
the flow of blood from her nose with one hand.
Ripping several Kleenex out of the box, she sat down on the toilet
seat. It was the last straw.
dammed up anymore. Her hand slowly fell
back into her lap and blood dripped off her lip onto her shirt.
called out, worried beyond measure at her abrupt leaving.
know why she had run out. The only thing
he did know was that she didn’t run away from him, only to the bathroom, and
that was enough. He opened the bathroom
door and looked in on her. All he saw
was the blood. Blood on her face, on her
lips, on her shirt. It was much too
close to the image in his nightmare for him to handle it properly.
of no over and over again. “You said you
wouldn’t leave me. Don’t do this.
I can’t –” He tripped and fell
backwards, landing hard on the floor. It
was there he remained, murmuring to himself and shaking his head.
other over what he had seen. Was she
really dead? He couldn’t bear to
check. If she was, then it wouldn’t
matter – he’d be joining her soon, and if she wasn’t then she had to come out
of there sooner or later and assuage his fears.
He preferred that option.
whispered. “It’s just a bloody
nose. I’m not dying.”
yet. Halfheartedly she grabbed some
more tissue and mopped up what blood she could.
The initial bleeding had stopped, but her face was still a mess.
her. “I’m sorry.
He didn’t move from his position on the floor leaning against the bed
though.
herself to be patient. The man had
watched her die in a dream. Die because
of him. He was still rattled.
making excuses! her rational mind screamed at her.
rather his current fear.
tired motions of the very old or those in extreme pain, she leaned over the
sink and turned off the faucet. As soon
as the water was warm, she started washing the blood off her face as best she
could.
if she was alright, but he didn’t. He
didn’t want her to get mad at him for something he said so he simply kept his
mouth shut and waited for her to return.
seemed. He was sitting against the bed
on the floor and the trembling in his hands had almost stopped.
the bedroom sans blood and bloody shirt.
She wanted to comfort her husband, but a small, vindictive part of her
kept her focused on finding another shirt.
The one she grabbed was an overlarge tee that had belonged to one of her
brothers and was soft with too many washings.
It should have been turned into a dusting rag long ago, but she hadn’t
had the heart to throw it out. Just like
she didn’t have the heart to ask her husband to leave.
pushed her suitcase off the bed and crawled under the covers.
had never happened.
what to do. And he sure as hell didn’t
know what to say. He had watched his
wife move about the room as if he hadn’t even existed, and it had hurt.
appointment now. So I’ll-I’ll just
go.” He said the words, but he didn’t
move from his position on the floor.
ask you to leave, Sands.”
him.”
softly, leaning his head back against the bed and raising a hand up to wipe the
blood off of his lips and chin. It hurt
like hell, but it was just something else that he had deserved.
made him remember what was important – Aida would have been gone.
not dwelling on it for more than a second.
If he did, he’d start trembling again and he didn’t know if he’d be able
to stop. He had come so close to losing
her.
face,” she murmured.
rose to his feet and walked to the bathroom without a word.
more than a little. In addition to the
blood, his face was very, very pale. If
he had gotten any sun at all in Hawaii – god, even thinking about how happy he
had been then with her cut deep into him – it didn’t show now.
his overall appearance any either. He
turned on the faucet and cupped his hand under the water, bringing it up to his
chin and lip and staring transfixed as the water in the sink turned red.
moment before pulling away again to look at himself.
besides licking at it, there wasn’t much else he could do.
clean towel and walked back into the bedroom.
approaching footsteps, heard his hesitation.
With a resigned sigh, she reached out one arm and patted his pillow, and
invitn fon for him to have a seat.
where she had directed him, still not saying a word.
sleep and that was the last thing he wanted right now.
his waking hours were fucked up as it was already without adding to it.
can’t let you walk over me like you were.
You understand that, right?”
he murmured.
are. But you don’t need to keep saying
it.”
say? I know I treated you horribly,
Aida. I have no excuse.
that’s a lie. At the time I meant every
word I said. It doesn’t matter that I
wasn’t really aware of what I was saying, or that I don’t mean them now.
had had the chance. I tried to hit
Salida,” his voice was very soft.
to say to that. “I wouldn’t have let you
hurt me, Sands.”
point. The point is, if I had the
chance, I would have tried. There’s no
excusing that. I don’t blame you for
wanting to leave. I would have wanted
the same in your position.” He felt his
lip bleeding again and was tempted to simply ignore it and let it bleed, but
she had already told him to get cleaned up once, so he licat iat it.
taste of the blood brought with it.
Sands. There’s nothing we can do to
change the pa
“Fine.
it go.”
“That’s what I
do. I dwell over things.
I brood. You were right about
that,” he murmured, still not looking at her.
“Then stop.”
“I don’t know how.”
“Well . . .
thinking about something else usually helps.”
“Can’t say that’s
going to be easy considering all the ‘fun’ things I have running through my mind
already today,” he muttered.
He was taking this
harder than she was. In her heart, Aida
knew she’d forgiven him, so what was the point of letting him suffer
needlessly? “I forgive you, Sands,” she
whispered.
“Don’t.
deserve it,” Sands said softly.
“Who says
forgiveness is ever deserved?” she asked softly.
“Why?”
on his face. “Why forgive me?”
“I love you.
did wasn’t enough to drive me away. So
why bother holding on to it? I’d rather
save my strength for other things than use it to keep being mad at you.”
“I don’t understand
. . . but I’m not goingarguargue with you over it.
How could he not
understand a simple thing like forgiveness?
Was it him, or was it that no one had ever shown it to him before?
“Why?
with a frown. '> “No one hated them.
“They didn’t love
you. That’s more than enough reason for
me to hate them.”
“Was that your
reason this time?”
“Do I need
another?” How would his life have been
different if he’d had his parent’s love?
“It’s enough that they didn’t appreciate the gift that was given them.”
“I wasn’t a gift to
them. I was a burden,” he muttered under
his breath with a scowl. “No I guess
not,” he said aloud, shrugging slightly.
“But you should
have been. Because you are.
gift.”
“Not today I’m
not,” he said, turning to look at her with sorrowful eyes.
“No.
“How can you say
that? After what I did –”
“Because without
you, I’d be wasting away in my apartment, too poor to afford the medications
they’ot mot me on, much less the treatment.
And I would be alone. Because of
you I’m not alone. And that’s what’s
“You’re not.
“Then you
fee from you.”
“Alright.
a smile shifting across his face for a brief instant.
Aida rolled across
the bed until she was pressed against Sands’ legs.
she murmured, looking up at him though half open eyes.
The contact of her
body pressed against his calmed and reassured him more than any words she could
have possibly said. “Don’t believe that
I can go without arguing?” he asked softly, the ghost of a smile returning for
a longer instant before fading away.
“No.
“Oh.”
“Why not?”
“Because you didn’t
mean it. You were only using it as a
bribe, and your name means more to me than that.”
“Oh.
“It’s not a matter
of whether or not I want to use it, Sands.
It’s a matter of whether or not you want to hear it.”
“Alright.
“Something like
that, yeah.”
“Ok.”
She heard the
closed tone of his voice. Glancing up at
him she asked, “Just what would it take to make you want to hear your own
name?” There was no mistaking the quiet
humor in her inquiry.
“A legal document
changing it to something worth hearing,” he responded dryly.
“Be serious.
the diamond ring still on his nightstand and presented her hand.
He turned and
grabbed the ring, gently sliding it on to her right ring finger.
eyes darting to the nightstand for a brief instant before moving back to her
hand. “About the name . . . I don’t
know. I just don’t like it.
Too many . . . associations."
“But I could give
it better ones if you’d let me.”
“You already
have. Some.”
That made her hope
a bit. “I already said that I’m not
going to use it again unless you ask. I
just want to know how I’m supposed to make you want to ask.”
“I can’t tell you
what I don’t know, spitfire. I’m
sorry. I just don’t know.
“Use your
imagination and assume I won’t say no,” she pressed.
“Probably the
easiest way to get me to ask you to use it is to put me in a position where not
asking would be unthinkable. Where
having you use it is the best – and only – option.
“Like if I started
calling you Mr. Cuddlebottoms or something?” she asked wryly.
Sands made a
face. “Not quite what I had in
mind.” He took a breath and pushed all
of his hesitations regarding her aside.
“I told you that you made some good associations with my name.
Most of those occur when you’re screaming it as you’re lost in
orgasm. Work on that point, and it’ll
take you a long way. Get me to a certain
point and no further and I’ll be begging you to call me by my first name.
still won’t like it – but it’ll be a start.”
She looked at him,
none of her thoughts showing in her eyes.
After a period of silence she murmured, “I’ll keep it under
consideration.” What she was really
thinking was that forgiveness or no, she wasn’t ready to be intimate with her
husband yet.
“I’m just saying,”
he murmured softly. He leaned back
against the headboard. The headache that
had been plaguing him earlier had come back and seemed to have brought
friends. He made face and pressed the
heel of his brow to his forehead for a long moment before letting his hand drop
and blinking a few times before looking down at her.
“It doesn’t
matter. I’m already late for it.”
“Its in three
hours,” a new voice disagreed. Both
Sands and Aida looked up to find Salida lounging in their doorway.
murmured, a strange tone of regret in her voice.
“Thank you.
softly, looking over at Salida with a frown.
“Don’t.
she’d come. “Three hours remember.”
Sands sighed and
placed his hand to his head again. “Fucking
great. Now she’s pissed at me.
muttered darkly.
“Don’t worry.
everyone. Hormones,” she explained
shortly.
“If that’s supposed
to make me feel better, it doesn’t,” Sands said with another sigh, wincing a
little as he tried to push the pain away through the sheer force of his
hand. It wasn’t working.
“Com’ere,” she
sighed. If he still had a headache, she
should do something to make it go away.
“You don’t have to
do anything. I’ll be alright,” he said,
lowering his hand and looking at her.
“See?” He didn’t sound very
convincing.
“I thought you were
going to try to stop arguing,” she murmured.
“Come here.”
“I wasn’t –” he
paused on the verge of an argument.
“Fine.” He moved over to her.
“If you weren’t
arguing, then you were being stubborn, and that’s just as bad,” she told him,
as she gently rested her fingers against his temples.
Sands had been
about to say that he hadn’t been stubborn, but knowing how stubborn he could be
it was a safe bet that he probably had been.
He settled for a nod.
Very carefully,
Aida started caressing the thin skin of his temples.
contrast to what felt like the raging inferno inside his head.
more and more sure until she was massaging the headache from his brain.
effort to do so.
Sands blinked,
trying to keep himself awake. Her
fingers had dulled his headache enough that he could ignore it awhile ago and
now they were serving to put him to sleep.
“You can stop now, if you want.
Headache’s gone. Well, it’s not
as bad anyway. Thanks.”
“Sleep will help it
go away,” she murmured, not stopping.
“Stop.
I don’t want to sleep. I’m
fine.” He realized that his words had
been a bit harsh and made an effort to calm down.
soothing voice. “Sleep.
“How do you know I
won’t? It wasn’t even me having that
fucking dream last night. It was
Jeffrey. And yet, I still saw.
I don’t want to have it again. I
can’t.”
“I’ll watch your
eyes. The moment you enter REM sleep,
I’ll wake you up a little. It might not
be as fulfilling as real sleep, but it should help.”
Sands still didn’t
trust it, but he couldn’t deny that he was tired.
mirror earlier; the dark circles under his eyes and his pale face, and he knew
that even a little bit of sleep would work to changing that.
For a little while. But don’t
forget about your appointment. Salida’s
appointment. Whoever’s appointment.”
“I won’t.”
forehead. “Sleep.”
He still didn’t
want to, but with the combination of her soothing voice and fingers he didn’t
seem too have a choice. He was fast asleep
before the fleeting warmth of her almost kiss across his forehead faded.