Jenny Jones
folder
Star Wars (All) › General
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
6
Views:
1,421
Reviews:
11
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Star Wars (All) › General
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
6
Views:
1,421
Reviews:
11
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own the Star Wars movie series, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Episode 4
A/N: Thanks to everyone who reviews! I thrive on reviews!
Announcer Dude: Hello to you all! Have we got an offer for you! Are you tired of being picked on? Would you like to stand up for yourself? Are you far too short to do so? Well, worry not! We’ve got authentic, genuine, and real copies of Yoda’s Lightsaber For Midgets! You get this and an instructional video from Yoda himself for only 19.95! Call 1-800-555-YODA. Please specify whether you want real, genuine, or authentic. Thank you.
Pippin: I want one! I want one! *calls number to order*
Lessa: Welcome back! Here I am to announce your new host! Yay!
Yoda: The host I am! Awful this is! My job she has stolen!
Lessa: Shut UP, you conniving old troll!
Yoda: CONNIVING OLD TROLL I AM NOT!! CONSPIRACY IT IS!!!!!!!!
Lessa: Yeah, whatever! In any case our new host is. . .Drum roll please!
*crickets*
Lessa: Damn our cheap ass budget! Our host is Logan!
Logan: Dude, sweet!
Cheebs: *not present*
Lessa: Dude, where’s Cheebs?
Atticus: *present and accounted for* Um, janitor’s closet?
Lessa: Whoa. TMI!
Atticus: Well you asked!
Lessa: *shudder*
Logan: Today’s guest is Qui-Gon! *death glare from Lessa* Ghost!
QGG: HEY! You had it right the first time!
Logan: Yeah, well, I’m more afraid of her than you.
QGG: Asshole. . .
Obi-Wan: (from a honeymoon far away) Did he just swear? What the hell?
Logan: So what’s the problem, Jedi ghost, dude?
QGG: The politically incorrect idiocy the author uses in this piece of fiction!
Logan: Say that again?
QGG: *gnashing teeth* What that bitch calls me and the term “Jedi ghost”!
Obi-Wan: (from honeymoon far, far away) Holy shit, he did!
QGG: I demand that she cease immediately!
Logan: Okay, Lessa, your turn.
Lessa: Dammit, it’s my fic and I’ll say it however I please! Don’t make me get the Ghostbusters in here!
QGG: *smugly* They’re on vacation.
Lessa: Okay. . .*Thinks, which is not her strong point* Ouch. Okay, I’ve got it! *stomps off to find pay phone*
Logan: Okay, so we’ll move on while we wait for Lessa to get back. Our next. . .
QGG: Get that woman back here!
Logan: Have some PATIENCE!
Atticus: Isn’t that what YOU were always telling your Padawans?
Audience: Ooh. . .Treated.
QGG: *grumble*
Logan: Okay, so here’s Gollum!
Gollum: Bagginsssss sssssstole the Preciousssssss and we wantssssssss it!
Logan: O….k…. So what’s the problem?
Gollum: We told you, Preciousssssss.
Frodo: Gollum, dammit, how many times do I have to tell you to stay in your cave?
Gollum: But we wantsssss the Preciousssss!
Frodo: PRECIOUS IS DEAD!!!!!!!!! Get that through your thick, disfigured SKULL!!!!
Gollum: Dissssfigured we are not!!
Yoda: Sound a little like me he does. Stay here he will. Good companion he will be.
Atticus: *dirty minded freak he is* Ew. . .
Logan: Right. That gave me a really nasty mental image, there.
Lessa: I’m back!
QGG: Good! Back to business!
Lessa: You gotta wait a bit.
QGG: What the. . .
Logan: Our next guest is Ron Weasley!
Ron: Wazzah?
Logan: What’s the problem?
Ron: See, there’s this girl. My girlfriend. I think she may be cheating on me with my best friend.
Logan: Let’s bring out the friend, Harry Potter!
Harry: No, Ron, Hermione’s not with me!
Ron: Then why does she keep turning me down?
Harry: Ask her!
Hermione: Hello, everyone!
Ron: Why do you keep turning me down when I ask you out?
Hermione: Umm. . .
Snape: I believe I can answer that.
Ron: *shudder* How’s ‘at?
Snape: Hermione is my girlfriend.
Ron: Hermione?
Hermione: Well, um. . .Yeah, actually. Sorry, Ron, but you’re not man enough for me.
(Snape and Hermione leave together)
Ron: *jaw drop* WHAT?!
Harry: It’s okay, Ron, there’ll be someone else!
(They walk off stage, Ron practically in tears)
Logan: So who is coming, and when are they planning on arriving, Less?
Lessa: Patience. He’s had to hop a plane.
(2 days later)
Logan: Damn, it’s taking this guy a long time!
Lessa: Good thing I can use my Amazing Authorly Powers to write up some take-out!
(Sounds of cab outside)
Lessa: Yay! The exorcist is here!
QGG: Exorcist? What’s that?
Lessa: *evil look*insert evil laugh here*
Constantine: What seems to be the problem here?
Lessa: Oh my. . .*faints*
Atticus: Dammit, why’d she faint?
Logan: *pointing at QGG* That’s the problem! It’s a Jedi ghost!
Constantine: Really. Well.
Lessa: *waking up* Dude, I just had this AWESOME dream about how I called this guy I heard about from a friend to exorcise Qui-Gon-Ghost and he turned out to be TOTALLY hot!
Atticus: Uh, Lessa?
Lessa: Oh my goodness. DAMMIT HE IS HOT!!!!!!!
(To make a long story short, QGG is exorcised)
Lessa: *drool* Thank. . .you. . .
Constantine: Sure.
Atticus: *sigh* On behalf of Lessa, hang around.
Constantine: *shrugs* Why not? I don’t have anything better to do.
Lessa: *dies* Oh, I love him. I want him. Ooh. . .
Cheebs: *randomly entering* Hi everyone!
Atticus: *jaw drop and sweat drop* Cheebs! You were in that closet for more than two days!!
Cheebs: That Pippin sure does know his way around a closet!
Atticus: CHEEBS!!! Did NOT need to know that!
Cheebs: Sorry. What’s wrong with Lessa?
Atticus: *shrugs* She’s in love.
Cheebs: Again?
Atticus: Yep.
Cheebs: *groans* Who is it this time?
Logan: The exorcist. *points*
Cheebs: Too bad I’m taken.
Lessa: HEY!!! He’s MINE!!!
Constantine: What the hell?
Lessa: Uh. . .Uh. . .Nothing?
Logan: We’ll go to our commercial break now, to save Lessa from further embarrassment.
Lessa: I’m not embarrassing myself!!
Merry: Dude, Pippin! You know your way around a closet?
Announcer Dude: Hello to you all! Have we got an offer for you! Are you tired of being picked on? Would you like to stand up for yourself? Are you far too short to do so? Well, worry not! We’ve got authentic, genuine, and real copies of Yoda’s Lightsaber For Midgets! You get this and an instructional video from Yoda himself for only 19.95! Call 1-800-555-YODA. Please specify whether you want real, genuine, or authentic. Thank you.
Pippin: I want one! I want one! *calls number to order*
Lessa: Welcome back! Here I am to announce your new host! Yay!
Yoda: The host I am! Awful this is! My job she has stolen!
Lessa: Shut UP, you conniving old troll!
Yoda: CONNIVING OLD TROLL I AM NOT!! CONSPIRACY IT IS!!!!!!!!
Lessa: Yeah, whatever! In any case our new host is. . .Drum roll please!
*crickets*
Lessa: Damn our cheap ass budget! Our host is Logan!
Logan: Dude, sweet!
Cheebs: *not present*
Lessa: Dude, where’s Cheebs?
Atticus: *present and accounted for* Um, janitor’s closet?
Lessa: Whoa. TMI!
Atticus: Well you asked!
Lessa: *shudder*
Logan: Today’s guest is Qui-Gon! *death glare from Lessa* Ghost!
QGG: HEY! You had it right the first time!
Logan: Yeah, well, I’m more afraid of her than you.
QGG: Asshole. . .
Obi-Wan: (from a honeymoon far away) Did he just swear? What the hell?
Logan: So what’s the problem, Jedi ghost, dude?
QGG: The politically incorrect idiocy the author uses in this piece of fiction!
Logan: Say that again?
QGG: *gnashing teeth* What that bitch calls me and the term “Jedi ghost”!
Obi-Wan: (from honeymoon far, far away) Holy shit, he did!
QGG: I demand that she cease immediately!
Logan: Okay, Lessa, your turn.
Lessa: Dammit, it’s my fic and I’ll say it however I please! Don’t make me get the Ghostbusters in here!
QGG: *smugly* They’re on vacation.
Lessa: Okay. . .*Thinks, which is not her strong point* Ouch. Okay, I’ve got it! *stomps off to find pay phone*
Logan: Okay, so we’ll move on while we wait for Lessa to get back. Our next. . .
QGG: Get that woman back here!
Logan: Have some PATIENCE!
Atticus: Isn’t that what YOU were always telling your Padawans?
Audience: Ooh. . .Treated.
QGG: *grumble*
Logan: Okay, so here’s Gollum!
Gollum: Bagginsssss sssssstole the Preciousssssss and we wantssssssss it!
Logan: O….k…. So what’s the problem?
Gollum: We told you, Preciousssssss.
Frodo: Gollum, dammit, how many times do I have to tell you to stay in your cave?
Gollum: But we wantsssss the Preciousssss!
Frodo: PRECIOUS IS DEAD!!!!!!!!! Get that through your thick, disfigured SKULL!!!!
Gollum: Dissssfigured we are not!!
Yoda: Sound a little like me he does. Stay here he will. Good companion he will be.
Atticus: *dirty minded freak he is* Ew. . .
Logan: Right. That gave me a really nasty mental image, there.
Lessa: I’m back!
QGG: Good! Back to business!
Lessa: You gotta wait a bit.
QGG: What the. . .
Logan: Our next guest is Ron Weasley!
Ron: Wazzah?
Logan: What’s the problem?
Ron: See, there’s this girl. My girlfriend. I think she may be cheating on me with my best friend.
Logan: Let’s bring out the friend, Harry Potter!
Harry: No, Ron, Hermione’s not with me!
Ron: Then why does she keep turning me down?
Harry: Ask her!
Hermione: Hello, everyone!
Ron: Why do you keep turning me down when I ask you out?
Hermione: Umm. . .
Snape: I believe I can answer that.
Ron: *shudder* How’s ‘at?
Snape: Hermione is my girlfriend.
Ron: Hermione?
Hermione: Well, um. . .Yeah, actually. Sorry, Ron, but you’re not man enough for me.
(Snape and Hermione leave together)
Ron: *jaw drop* WHAT?!
Harry: It’s okay, Ron, there’ll be someone else!
(They walk off stage, Ron practically in tears)
Logan: So who is coming, and when are they planning on arriving, Less?
Lessa: Patience. He’s had to hop a plane.
(2 days later)
Logan: Damn, it’s taking this guy a long time!
Lessa: Good thing I can use my Amazing Authorly Powers to write up some take-out!
(Sounds of cab outside)
Lessa: Yay! The exorcist is here!
QGG: Exorcist? What’s that?
Lessa: *evil look*insert evil laugh here*
Constantine: What seems to be the problem here?
Lessa: Oh my. . .*faints*
Atticus: Dammit, why’d she faint?
Logan: *pointing at QGG* That’s the problem! It’s a Jedi ghost!
Constantine: Really. Well.
Lessa: *waking up* Dude, I just had this AWESOME dream about how I called this guy I heard about from a friend to exorcise Qui-Gon-Ghost and he turned out to be TOTALLY hot!
Atticus: Uh, Lessa?
Lessa: Oh my goodness. DAMMIT HE IS HOT!!!!!!!
(To make a long story short, QGG is exorcised)
Lessa: *drool* Thank. . .you. . .
Constantine: Sure.
Atticus: *sigh* On behalf of Lessa, hang around.
Constantine: *shrugs* Why not? I don’t have anything better to do.
Lessa: *dies* Oh, I love him. I want him. Ooh. . .
Cheebs: *randomly entering* Hi everyone!
Atticus: *jaw drop and sweat drop* Cheebs! You were in that closet for more than two days!!
Cheebs: That Pippin sure does know his way around a closet!
Atticus: CHEEBS!!! Did NOT need to know that!
Cheebs: Sorry. What’s wrong with Lessa?
Atticus: *shrugs* She’s in love.
Cheebs: Again?
Atticus: Yep.
Cheebs: *groans* Who is it this time?
Logan: The exorcist. *points*
Cheebs: Too bad I’m taken.
Lessa: HEY!!! He’s MINE!!!
Constantine: What the hell?
Lessa: Uh. . .Uh. . .Nothing?
Logan: We’ll go to our commercial break now, to save Lessa from further embarrassment.
Lessa: I’m not embarrassing myself!!
Merry: Dude, Pippin! You know your way around a closet?