Is This Love Real?

Chapter Four
Secret Longing

For a long time, Jareth stood motionless on the tower. How peculiar that the biting winds and icy rain didn’t have an effect on him until he was alone.

‘Why now?’ Was the foremost question in his mind. For all the time he hadn’t even heard a whisper about her, and now she has the audacity to just show up?

In order for her to cross over to the Underground, she would have had to use great will power and wanted to be here with a strong desire. ‘So,’ he thought, ‘little Sarah finally wanted to come back?’ Well, it was a fine time she decided to trespass into his kingdom.

As he turned away and disappeared in a rustling of his cloak, he sneered in scorn at the spot she had been standing.

‘Let her come’ he thought, ‘I can always make time to play with her.’


**

Sarah simply stood before the mirror, staring at her shivering figure. ‘What just happened?’ she asked herself, knowing the answer, but posing the question regardless. She knew what happened, she was somehow transported to a tower on the Goblin King’s castle! And Jareth had been there.

Was it normal for the king to act as his own security? While Jareth seemed to put up many fronts, and she always questioned what he was thinking, since one could never tell, tonight she had seen him with his mask lowered. There was no way her being there was his doing, he’d been as dumbfounded as she had been. But, before he’d known it was her, he’d been so cold and rough. She’d never heard him speak like that, not in all the sarcastic and arrogant comments he’d made during her time in the Labyrinth. If she hadn’t already been shivering on the tower, his voice would have sent a few down her spine. It stood as a reminder, that while she beat him at his game, he was still dangerous and ruthless.

How easily he made her feel like a little girl again, cowering under his gaze. And yet, part of her had to admit that when he had been looking at her, it wasn’t just fear she felt, or shock she saw in his eyes.

There was a soft knocking at her bedroom door.

The sun hadn’t risen yet, and Sarah honestly didn’t know if it was late or early. As her bedroom door creaked open, dim soft light poured in from the hall’s nightlight.

“Sarah, it’s freezing in here, what are you doing?” whispered Toby from the doorway.

Turning slightly, to look at toward the door, she sneezed. “Nothing” she squeaked out, sniffing. The last thing she needed was to catch a cold.

As Toby made his way into her room, it took him a moment to realize what was wrong with the picture before him. There she was, dripping wet and shivering. “Sarah!” he hissed out, not wanting to wake anybody up. Rushing forward, he grabbed her hand, but recoiled quickly. She was freezing to the touch.

“Toby!” she said, happy he was there, since she could tell him what happened, “I went back.”

Taking her hand again, he pulled her along, and she followed without question. Quietly, he shuffled along in his Scooby Doo pajama bottoms, slowing his steps as they passed their parents’ room. For an older house, he was glad there weren’t any creaky floorboards or door hinges.

Once they were inside the bathroom, he closed the door gently and turned to Sarah, “You went back to the Underground?” he asked, walking past her to the tub, where he turned the faucet on. It took a moment to get used to the brightness, the light reflected off of the white tiling of the floor and the sky blue color of the walls

While the sound of water resounded through the bathroom, Sarah smiled and prepared to answer, “Yes! I don’t know how, but I went back, only for a little bit.”

“I take it, that you went swimming?” he asked, ushering her over to the bathtub. “Get in” he ordered.

“What?” she asked, too excited to have even noticed how he’d been directing her about since came to her room.

“Don’t make me pick you up and put you in there.” He said defiantly, crossing his arms confidently.

Smiling softly, she chuckled lightly. “Okay, okay” she raised her hands in concession and stepped into the tub. There was only a little water in the bottom, and it felt scalding. But, she knew it was probably lukewarm.

It was awkward, sitting with her clothes on, but she didn’t really care. So, as she crossed her ankles she drew her knees up and hugged them, while the water slowly filled up.

“How did you get there?” Toby asked, sitting Indian style on the toilet, right across from the tub.

“I don’t know”, she answered truthfully, entirely at a loss for the answer herself, “I went to sleep and woke up, on top of a tower. And, I don’t know how I got back either. There was this strange wind. I thought I could hear someone calling my name. And then, I was back here, looking at Jareth through the mirror, but he went away too, and it was as though I hadn’t gone anywhere.” All her words were slightly rushed in her need to confide in Toby.

“Except that you’re soaking wet and freezing”, he intoned sarcastically.

“What if it was a dream?” This was suddenly a newly rising fear within her, “I was really worked up before I went to bed, all I could think about was the Labyrinth.” Sniffling, she suddenly felt dejected, “What if I’m losing my mind, and nothing really happened.”

Eyeing his sister keenly he remained silent for a moment, debating whether he should tell her everything about what brought him to be outside her bedroom door in the first place. He knew Sarah hadn’t been dreaming, she’d gone there, he was certain. “You’re all wet, was it raining there?”

She nodded, “But, it’s also raining here, maybe I was sleep walking or something.”

“Yeah, but for autumn, its pretty warm outside, you wouldn’t have gotten so cold from being out there on a night like this.” He supplied.

Raising her head from where it rested on her knees she looked her younger brother in the eye. After a few moments, she sighed, “It’s just too much to hope for.” She could never hide anything from Toby. He knew, even if she’d never admit it, that she wanted desperately to go back to the Underground. He knew how much she missed her friends, and how lonely and hurt she felt, and how wretched it felt to have started questioning the truth behind it all.

Seeing the wistful pleading in her eyes he consoled her, “I woke up tonight, because I had a dream.” Licking his lips he unfolded his legs and hung them down the edge, swinging them slightly. “Don’t get mad at me,” he secured, waiting for her to give a small nod, “but I dreamt you were wearing this really pretty white dress. I’m not sure if it was in the Labyrinth…” he paused.

Sarah watched as Toby’s eyes became kind of dazed, as if he was falling back into the dream he spoke of while he retold it.

“I think it must have been in the Underground, but it seemed different from what you’ve told me. Well, anyway, there were so many people there-”

Sarah cut in, “People?”

“Well, not really, I guess. There were some who looked human, but a lot of them were like the creatures you told me about. I don’t remember, you know that, but I do think I could recognize them. There were definitely Goblins and Dwarves, and these little colorful jumbo flies buzzing all around.” He pulled a face at mentioning these creatures.

Chuckling Sarah figured they were faeries, “What were they all doing?” she asked.

“Watching and waiting…” he answered, hesitant to tell her the rest. As it was, he didn’t like the dream because of what it implied, and he knew she’d like it even less.

“For what?” she prompted.

Clearing his throat he continued, “For you.” When he saw the expectant look on her face, he continued, “They were all watching you, as you walked down this long aisle. You were so beautiful,” he seemed to be reminiscing now, “the sun was setting, and I could see you from in front, while you walked facing the sunset. I think your dress must have had crystals on it or something, ‘cause it was sparkling and stuff.”

Furrowing her brows she asked, “Was this some sort of wedding?”

“Yeah,” he said meekly, hoping to end it there and explain further why he knew she hadn’t merely dreamt her little visit tonight.

“So, I was getting married in the Underground,” she said a little mirthfully, “who was the groom?” she asked stifling a laugh and smiling with amusement.

“Jareth” he coughed into his sleeved, doing his best to obscure the sound of the Goblin King’s name. “So, what I was getting at-” he futilely tried to redirect before she cut him off.

“I’m sorry, did you just say you had a dream about me, marrying Jareth?” she scoffed, abhorring how the idea didn’t disgust her.

“Hey, it was dream. The last thing I want is for you to go off and marry some jerk who doesn’t deserve you!” he bit out a little too venomously.

“That’s sweet of you Toby.” Realizing they had fallen slightly off track, she asked, “so, why do you say I wasn’t just having a dream, like you?”

“After I woke up, I knew you were gone.” He stated.

“But, I wasn’t gone, you saw me in my room.” She countered.

“No, you had just gotten back. I know you weren’t here Sarah. And now you smell like the winds. You were there.” He stated more firmly this time.

“Toby, there’s no way of being sure.”

“I’m telling you, I know.”

Sighing, she gave in, unable to resist the appeal that there was in knowing she’d been there again. Not to mention, Toby’s conviction was solid.

Reaching forward, she shut off the tap. Once the water wasn’t pouring out, her movements in bath seemed loud. And when she settled back, the silence became pronounced.

“How did you know I wasn’t here?” she asked, curious at where his conviction came from.

“I always know when you’re near me. I just know.” He said lamely, like she should have already known. Upon seeing her confused look he added, “You do the same thing all the time, you can feel when I’m around too.”

“No I can’t”, she said incredulously, but not sounding like the ability to do so would be a bad thing.

“Yes, you can.” he stated soundly again.

Quirking a brow in question, and minor annoyance that her little brother could be so sure and positive of everything he said, when all she felt capable of doing was questioning herself.

“Whenever I run off somewhere, or hide from mom or dad,” he had the inhibition to look chagrined upon seeing her reprimanding glare. “You always know. Half the time you come running up behind me and we’re back home before anyone else knows.”

It was true. Toby had these tendencies to walk off or play his own game of hide and seek. Most of the time he wasn’t trying to intentionally worry anyone, but there would be a frog or toad or cricket and he’d follow it off into the woods. It was also true that more often than not, Sarah knew when to take a quick stroll down the street and into the woods to catch up with him. And, whenever Karen would ask her to tell Toby, dinner was ready, she didn’t even think twice about where he was. She’d just walk right up the hall closet, knock on it, and tell him it was time to eat.

While he spoke true, Sarah had never stopped and analyzed any of it. She figured that perhaps there was some sort of pattern to his behavior, which she had somehow committed to memory on a subconscious level. Like, if he hadn’t hidden under the sink in the past week, then he’d probably be there later on. Or, if he hadn’t been to the park lately, he was liable to wander off sometime before lunch.

Now that Toby made it sound like she had some sort of sixth sense regarding him, she couldn’t stop picking apart different instances. There hadn’t been anything she could classify as abnormal. It wasn’t like she could feel him nearby one moment and gone the next, but he was making it sound like that’s how it was for him.

“I think I just know how much mischief you can get into.” She reasoned.

Shaking his head, Toby tried to make her understand, “You only think that because it makes more sense. I know you are the same as me, cause we were both in the Underground.”

Sarah smiled at him, starting to feel better for the warm water, and more at ease.

“Just trust me, I can tell when you’re here. And, when I woke up, you weren’t here.” Slipping off his seat, he walked over to the towel wrack and pulled out the big fluffy-white one he knew Sarah preferred.

Mulling over Toby’s words, she rest her chin on her knees, still hugging them close for warmth. As he came over to her, holding a big towel out, she smiled, “Since when have you been so grown up?” she commented.

“Since I’ve had to take care of my sister.” He replied, waiting for her to stand up, so he could wrap the dry material around her.

From the first day Toby could talk, he’d been extremely smart. At the age of three, Sarah found he carried on better and livelier conversations than most of her own friends and peers. Still young to the world, there was little experience he could speak with, and yet he seemed to thrive off of Sarah’s experience. He was no common five year old.

Sarah wouldn’t be surprised if once the school board finally got a hold of him and recognized what was in that mind of his, that he’d be put grades ahead of everyone. There were times, such as now, that she felt she wasn’t the adult in the pair.

Hugging the towel around herself tightly, she pulled the plug with a foot and let the water drain before stepping out. As it was, she didn’t have any clothes to change into, so she just tried to dry herself off as much as possible. After ringing her hair out and patting it down, it had progressed from dripping wet to damp, which satisfied her.

She moved quickly across the bathroom floor, since the tiling was cold against her feet and opened the door to leave. Toby was right behind her, as she made her way back to her bedroom. Taking a hint from Toby’s earlier actions, she tiptoed past her father’s room, knowing Karen was a light sleeper.

Once her bedroom door was safely shut behind them, she scurried over to her bed, and dove under the covers. They weren’t warm now, but in a few minutes she’d feel a blessed heat that she had been missing dearly since being on that tower.

Her head was still buried when she felt a sinking pressure on the mattress. Still bothered by uncertainty, she asked in a muffled voice, “Do you really think I was there?”

The mattress told her Toby was moving closer, and with a bouncing jolt she knew he’d made a final jump to land next to her. “Yes. Besides, you smelled like the winds.”

Turning about, she lay back, but pulled the blanket down from her head, “Like the strange wind from today?”

He mumbled an agreement, watching that same wistful look cloud her eyes. He hated seeing that look. Each time he saw her eyes stare forward and fill with some longing, he felt a pain. The majority of the time, she didn’t even know she was doing it, since no one seemed to notice or mention anything. But, when he saw it, he knew she was thinking about the Underground. Ever since Hoggle had stopped appearing in her mirror, he knew she’d been longing to go back. Every single day he caught her waiting in front of that silly piece of glass, and each time he did, she had the same sad look in her eyes.

“Do you want to go back so badly?” he asked, laying on his stomach and draping an arm over her neck. He knew she wanted to leave, but that meant she’d leave him. And, if she went back, then he’d be the one staring into the mirror for hours, waiting for her to appear.

“No” she assured halfheartedly, “Why would I go back?”

“Because you’ve always wanted to, and the only reason you didn’t was because you thought you couldn’t.” as he ranted, his voice became more muffled as he buried his face in one of her pillows.

“I’d never leave you, you know that.” She said, petting his head.

“Not even if Jareth asked you to?” he spat with venom again.

Sarah was picking up on a pattern here. Every time Toby mentioned Jareth, he spoke with anger. It would seem he hadn’t taken any liking to the Goblin King. “Toby, being here with you means more to me than visiting the Labyrinth ever would.”

“Admit that you want to go back, don’t lie about it.” He demanded, hating how she always had to hide her feelings on everything.

After a moment’s pause, she started to play with his hair soothingly, “I would love to go back, and now I have. Why don’t you tell me what’s really bothering you?” she asked in a tit-for-tat tone of voice.

Tightening his arm around her neck, he hugged her close, “I had that dream, and it was like you were leaving to be with him. And then I woke up and I knew you weren’t here. I really thought you left. I was scared. But, when I saw you were in your room I felt so relieved…” he took another moment, “but now I’m still scared, ‘cause you said the Goblin King was there, and every time you talk about him, you get this real sad look, like you wish you were somewhere else.”

“Toby,” she cooed, giving him a warm hug, “I’ll never want to be anywhere but right with you. I won’t go anywhere without you, I promise.” She said, almost wishing she hadn’t. There was a big part of her that wanted to go back, and stay perhaps longer than just a visit, but now she couldn’t. Now, she had to stay here, for Toby.

“So, does this mean, you’ll take me with you next time?” Toby asked, now hosting the idea that he might return to the Underground as well.

“Go, to sleep” she mocked, stifling a yawn. It had been a long night. One, which was devoid of any worthwhile sleep. Now as they lay next to each other, and she felt her fingers and toes returning to normal temperature, weariness over came her.

The two of them fell asleep, both wondering at the new change of events. It was everything Sarah secretly hoped for and everything Toby feared.