Frustrations of a Jedi or The Fragrance (Complete)

Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan

Obi-Wan walked in to Qui-Gon’s room and immediately Qui-Gon sat up, the cloak wrapped around his chest. Seeing him sit like that made Obi-Wan smile. Still staring at him, Obi-Wan removed his cloak and moved towards Qui-Gon and sat at the edge of the bed. There was a tensed silence for a few minutes with both of them trying to avoid contact. It was when Qui-Gon placed a hand on Obi-Wan’s shoulder that the younger Jedi looked up and stared into his Master’s blue eyes. He could see sorrow and sadness in his Master’s eyes. Just staring into his eyes and feeling his hand on his shoulder made Obi-Wan shiver and he could feel goose bumps forming on his skin.

Qui-Gon said, “Obi-Wan, I…. I’m sorry for what happened.”

Obi-Wan asked, “What are you sorry for? It’s nothing that I have never done.”

Qui-Gon smiled weakly “You know what I mean.”

Obi-Wan shook his head “No I don’t”

Qui-Gon lowered his head. It was then Obi-Wan knew he was right- something was seriously wrong. He could feel Qui-Gon’s frustration, confusion and sorrow.

“Master…. look at me.” When Qui-Gon did not look up, his Padawn repeated “Look at me…. please.”

Qui-Gon raised his head and once again, they looked into each other’s eyes. Obi-Wan could see his Master’s sadness and confusion in his eyes. As he looked deeper, he probed Qui-Gon;s mind, trying to find the source of his misery. Soon, he found the spot and knew what it was, a name and face that he thought was long forgotten.

With a bitter tone in his voice, Obi-Wan said “Xanatos”

At the sound of his former Padawan’s name, Qui-Gon moved his head away from Obi-Wan’s gaze and his Padawan knew he was right. He placed a hand on Qui-Gon’s shoulder and drew closer to him until his face was almost brushing his Master’s beard. Qui-Gon could feel his Padawan’s breath on his face and felt his body shiver under Obi-Wan’s cloak.

Obi-Wan whispered “He became more then a Padawan, didn’t he? You loved him, didn’t you?”

After a moment’s hestitation, Qui-Gon nodded and replied in a soft and sad voice, “Yes. We were lovers for a long time. I was in love with him and I thought he was in love with me too but then…….”

His voice began to choke and Obi-Wan saw a small tear form in the older man’s eye. He wrapped his arm around Qui-Gon’s shoulder and drew himself closer to him.

Qui-Gon cleared his throat and continued, “It happened just after I killed his father. I didn’t want to do it. It had to be done but he hated me after that. He told him that he had been using me all this time, that I was his last resort for sex. I thought he was just saying it as payback but I found out from other Padawans that he had been telling the truth. It broke my heart, Obi-Wan. It really did.”

The tears began flowing down his face quickly and he leaned his face into his hands and he sobbed. Obi-Wan had never seen him like this before and it tore a hole in his heart. He held Qui-Gon as tightly as he could, his Master’s head resting on his chest as he sobbed. Obi-Wan rocked Qui-Gon as he cried like a mother rocking her baby to sleep. As the tears subsided, the two Jedi were still for a moment.

Eventually, Obi-Wan spoke “What does it have to do with you being ashamed of masturbating whilst thinking of me?”

Qui-Gon looked up, “What makes you think I was thinking of you?”

“It’s obvious. You were calling my name, Master.” He gazed at his cloak wrapped around Qui-Gon. “And this cloak that you are covered in. It’s mine, isn’t it?” He took hold of the cloak and smelled its fragrance. Yes, that distinct smell was there. The smell of Obi-Wan. “Yes it is mine.” He looked back at Qui-Gon and his voice became stern, “So don’t lie to me. How can you lie to me and tell me you wasn’t thinking of me whilst you’re wrapped in my cloak and masturbating whilst calling my name?”

Without looking at his Padawan, Qui-Gon said “I have to.”

Obi-Wan became more agitated, “Why?”

Qui-Gon turned to look at him with watery eyes “Because I didn’t…. I didn’t.”

Obi-Wan cried out impatiently, “Didn’t what?”

His master declared “I didn’t want you to know that I was in love with you.”

Obi-Wan’s eyes widened in shock. He knew. He had been right but yet it was still a shock to hear his Master say the words. He drew himself closer to Qui-Gon until their faces were almost touching. For reasons unknown to him, he asked, “What?”

Qui-Gon took a deep breath, “I love you Obi-Wan.” His voice was almost dream-like. It was filled with awe and love. “You are the most beautiful person I have ever seen. You are the most….”

He was interrupted because Obi-Wan had launched himself into a kiss. He started kissing Qui-Gon’s lips before probing and filling his Master’s mouth with his tongue. After a moment, Qui-Gon moaned and began to play with Obi-Wan’s tongue. He took his Padawan into his arms and turned him over sp that he was on top of Obi-Wan, ravishing his mouth.

The kiss eventually parted. Obi-wan opened his eyes and saw that he was bow below Qui-Gon and his Master was now smiling at him. He smiled back and began to stroke his Master’s face.

Obi-Wan whispered “How long have you felt this way?”

“For as long as I can remember.”

“Why couldn’t you tell me?”

“Because you’re young. You’re beautiful. Why should someone like Xan….. like you be in love with an old man like?”

Obi-Wan was in shock. “You said Xanatos.”

Qui-Gon blinked his eyes, “No I didn’t”

Obi-Wan sat up and said in an accusing tone, “Yes you did. You nearly said Xanatos How dare you compare me to him? How dare you?” He got off the bed and stared out of the window.

Qui-Gon looked at Obi-Wan and said “I was not comparing you.”

Obi-Wan looked back at Qui-Gon. Defiantly, he said, “You were. You think I’m going to be like him.” Shaking his head, he turned back to stare out of the window and sighed “You don’t have much faith in me, do you?”

Qui-Gon laid back on the bed and stared at the ceiling. “It’s not like that all and you know it. It’s just…..”

Still staring out of the window, Obi-Wan called, feeling tears in his eyes, “It’s just….. what?” I’m young. That I am sexually active like Xanatos was? That I am going to play with your heart? Well, I may be as gifted as him when it comes to skills but there’s one thing that makes us different from each other.”

Qui-Gon looked towards his Padawan “What’s that then?”

Obi-Wan turned and stared at his Master. Qui-Gon could see tears falling from his eyes and down his face. To see his Padawan in tears broke his heart but then he saw Obi-Wan smile.

“I love you, Master.”

Shocked, Qui-Gon gasped “Say that again.”

“I love you, Qui-Gon.”

The elder Jedi closed his eyes and soaked in what he has just heard. He had never heard Obi-Wan call his Master by his real name since before he had become Obi-Wan’s apprentice. However, to hear him say the words he had desired for so long filled his heart with happiness and confusion. He looked away from his apprentice, unable to believe what he had just heard.

Obi-Wan sighed and continued, “I had been feeling lost for a while. Like all the Padawans around me, I experimental in casual fun and all that but not sex. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I just felt something missing. Whilst everyone else was experimenting in free sex, I felt there was more to it.

“It was only until tonight that I saw you calling my name. When I left, I realised there was more to it than you just pleasuring yourself. I saw you and it turned me on and thinking about it made me realise that I loved you and you was the one thing that I was looking for.

“So you see, that’s what makes me different from Xanatos. I love you and you have to believe that.”

Qui-Gon still looked down at the robe wrapped around him and began to rub it. He wanted to believe what he had heard but there were too many thoughts in his head. An old wound had been opened and it was not the best feeling in the world. He had no idea how much time had passed until he heard his door open. He looked up and saw Obi-Wan leaving the room.

“Obi-Wan, wait…..”

Obi-Wan turned to him. “Don’t.” Qui-Gon could heart a hurt tone in his voice. “Just don’t.” And with that, he was gone.