HERE I AM

HERE I AM (Part 4 of 5 parts)


It was late July when their cabin kit arrived. Two l8 wheelers
pulled up in their drive, fully loaded. Took a few hours to unload
but before long they had all the sections identified and sorted out;
stacked neatly near the new foundation they had a contractor come in
and lay for them. Plumbing was all set, new tools bought and waiting
to be put to use.

"You really think we can do this?" Ennis asked a bit worried about
it all.

"Sure we can, Cowboy, easy as pie." Jack said flipping through the
instruction book, a little worried himself but not letting on.

"Never knew you could buy a place mail order." Ennis shook his head.

The old man walked up. "What's all this shit?"

"Our cabin, Pa. See here? This is what it's gonna look like." Jack
showed him the picture on the front of the instruction book.

"You think you're gonna build that out of all this? You're dreamin.
It'll make nice fire wood though." He spit and walked away.

After a few false starts they got one wall up and stood admiring
it. "See? That wasn't so tough now was it?" Jack said.
Ennis full out laughed out loud. "Jack. It took us three days to
get one short wall up. We'll be lucky to get this up before first
snow." He wiped the sweat off his forehead on his sleeve.

"Well, we know what we're doin now. The rest should be a snap."
Jack, the eternal optimist!

"A snap? I'd like to know what your idea of a snap is." Ennis
laughed.

"You think the only snap I know is on the top of your jeans?" Jack
laughed, and tossed the instruction manual at him.

"Hey, careful there. We lose that book all this will be firewood."
He smoothed out the creased pages.


Took them another three weeks hard work, sun up till sun down, before
it finally began to resemble a cabin. Got the roof finished and the
windows in before late summer storm closed in on them and they spent
the day relaxing in the trailer. They laid around in their
underwear, smoking cigarettes and drinking beer.

"Nice havin a day off." Jack said, stretching out on the bed,
propped up with a pillow and watching TV. Ennis was frying up some
potatoes and eggs on their little stove.

"Sure is. Almost forgot what it was like." He gazed at Jack; still
having a hard time believing he was here in Lightning Flat and they
were actually building a life together.

"Whatcha starin at?" Jack asked, not looking away from the TV.

"How'd you know I was lookin at you?" Ennis asked, breaking up bacon
bits and adding to the mixture.

"I have great peripheral vision."

"What's that mean?" Ennis dumped the mixture onto two plates and
joined Jack on the bed.

"Means I can see sideways even when I'm lookin straight ahead," he
answered and took his plate; moved over so Ennis could sit beside
him.

"You kiddin?" Ennis didn't know whether to believe him or not.

"Nope," Jack answered between bites. "These baby blues can see
everything worth seein."

"Oh they can, can they? Did they happen to see where you put the
mail? I was hopin for a letter from Junior this week."

"Over there beside the microwave." Jack pointed with his fork. "Hey,
bring me back a beer, I'm thirsty," he added.

Ennis rifled through the stack of mail and pulled out a
letter. "Here it is." He pulled two beers out of the fridge and
brought them over. He opened his letter and began to read the two
pages. He folded it up, put it back in the envelope and walked back
to the sink. He stood there hands braced on the counter, head down,
staring at the floor.

"What is it?" Jack asked. He got up, turned off the TV and went
over to Ennis. He caressed the back of Ennis's neck and asked
again, "What is it? Something happen?"

"She's comin up." He said through gritted teeth.

"Here?" Jack asked; the reason for Ennis's change in attitude sank in.

"Comin for a visit with her Momma; gonna come up here to see me."
He gripped the counter tight.

"Well....that's good, isn't it? I mean, you said you'd be tellin her
some day, didn't you?"

"Not yet. I ain't ready to be talkin 'bout things yet." He
shot a worried glance at Jack.

"C'mon now." Jack massaged his shoulders. "It ain't all that bad.
From what you been tellin me 'bout Junior, I think she'll understand."

"She's just a kid, Jack. How's she gonna understand somethin like
this?" He was really scared.

"She's nearly 20, Ennis. Next month you said. You tell her right,
say all the right words and she'll understand."

"What words, Jack? You tell me that. What words can
explain....this?"

Jack held him tight. "You'll think of somethin when the time comes.
It'll come to you."


Three days later Ennis was nervously waiting at the Stop Inn cafe for
Junior to show up. He sat alone, worrying over his cup of coffee.
They had decided that Jack would keep busy around the ranch while
Ennis talked with Junior, the three of them meeting up later on if
all went well.

He was staring into his coffee, trying to come up with words when a
hand on his shoulder brought him around. Junior was standing there.
"Hey, Daddy, you were a million miles away."

He came to his feet and embraced her. "Hey, yourself, sweet girl.
Didn't see you drive up." He held her back and looked at
her. "Married life must agree with you; you're looking prettier than
ever. C'mon. Sit down. We'll have some lunch." He signaled the
waitress and she brought over some menus.

They ordered lunch and chit-chatted through the meal; Junior bringing
Ennis up to date on her sister and her mother's new house. How Kurt
was off for a two-week stint with the National Guard so she decided
it was the perfect time to go visiting.

"So where you livin now, Daddy? You got a place here in town?"
"Nah. Got my trailer. Pulled it up here. Got it set up on the
ranch." He answered as they were leaving the cafe.

"That was real nice of them to let you do that. Must be real nice
people you're working for." She smiled up at him.

"Uh huh. C'mon. Let's go out the ranch. We can visit there. You
can follow me. Ain't no way you can get lost." He smiled at her and
caressed her hair.

"Sure, Daddy. Lead the way."

Thirty minutes later they were taking the steps into the trailer.
"Wow, Daddy. This place is really big and look over there.
Someone's building a cabin." She walked through the front door and
was just as amazed.
"Oh my goodness. You've really fixed this place up. Don't look like
the same place, it's so nice. Glad to see you finally did get some
furniture. And I see you got yourself a washer and dryer back there;
a new fridge; and everything is so clean!" She teased him.

She sat on the corner of the bed and he sat on the chair by the table
in front of her.
"Sure I can't get you anything? Soda? Beer?" He offered.

"No, thanks, I'm fine."

They sat for a few minutes in awkward silence before Junior spoke.
"You got something on your mind, Daddy? You been awful quiet."

He scratched the back of his head and said, "I guess I just been
thinkin how grown up you are now."
That wasn't all he was thinking and she knew it. She sat waiting for
him to get it out, whatever it was.
"I do have somethin that needs sayin." Hands on both knees, rubbing
the denim smooth.

"Go ahead." she encouraged.

"Somethin happened to me. Years ago when I wasn't much younger than
you. I was 19. Before me and your Momma got married."

"What? What happened? Tell me, Daddy. You're scarin me." She
reached out and pressed her hand on top of his.

"Nothin to be scared 'bout," he stalled. Jack was crazy, he
thought. Ain't no words comin when I need 'em to.
"I met someone."

"Oh. You mean you had an affair? Before you and Momma were married?
Well, that's nothing important."

"It's more than that, honey. Gotta get this all out, cause it is
important." He straightened himself in the chair.
"Like I said, it happened before your Momma and I got married.
Didn't see this person again until 4 years later. You and Jenny were
just babies. But when we saw each other again.....well....it all
came back. What we'd been to each other."

The expression on Junior's face saddened up a bit. She kept quiet.
She knew her daddy needed to say his piece so she'd wait until the
end to say her thoughts.

"I ain't proud of this part but we saw each other coupla times a year
for the next several years." He watched her eyes and saw the
disappointment there. It cut like a knife but he went on.
"Now don't get me wrong here," he added quickly, "I ain't sorry I
married your momma and had you girls. You're the best gift a man
could have. It's just....." His words ran out.

"Just what, Daddy? You still seein this person? That why you and
Momma got a divorce?" she prompted.

"That's about it. Things are different now. We are both free and
we're....living together now." He had gotten it half out.

She stood up and walked around the small trailer.
"So this is a good thing then?" She asked.

"The best. The best ever happened to me." He stood up, walked over
to the kitchen area where she was standing, leaned back against the
cupboard and added. "There's more."

She looked at him with those big brown eyes and said, "Thought there
might be."

"It's....I mean...it's a fella."

"Jack Twist?" She asked.

"How'd you come to know that?" he asked a little scared.

"Oh Daddy! I wasn't a baby when you and Momma divorced. I knew the
two of you were miserable. The only time I ever saw you happy was
when you were packin up for one of your fishin trips with him. You'd
be gatherin up your stuff and whistlin."

She walked over to him and took his hand in both of hers. "I
remember wishin you'd be happy like that all the time. You always
seemed so sad. Jenny and I used to talk about it, later on when we
were older. I told her back then that I didn't think you were the
marryin kind."

"You knew? Jenny knows?" he was even more scared now.

"We wondered about it. You only ever dated that one girl that we
knew of and that didn't last long. I said to Jenny way back coupla
years ago, that if you did like men, I hoped it would be Jack Twist
cause he made you so happy. It is him, isn't it, Daddy?"

Ennis swallowed the lump in his throat and shook his head 'yes'.
"You OK with this?" he asked in a hoarse voice.

"Why wouldn't I be? Oh, Daddy. You don't think I'm one of those
awful bigots that can't accept anything but their own thinkin, do
you?" She hugged him close.
"All I ever wanted was to see you happy. Never did get to see much
of that. If Jack Twist makes you happy, then I love him to pieces."

He pulled her into a crushing embrace, pressed kisses into her hair.
"You don't know what this means to me, Baby Girl." He couldn't let
go of her.

"Well, tell me more so I can know." she said, tears shining in her
eyes. "Tell me everything."

They went back over and sat down again.
"This is his family's place. His Pa's gettin on and couldn't handle
it by himself no more so me and Jack are workin the place. And that
cabin you seen bein built? That's for us. It's our place. We're
building it." He was excited now to share his news. The hurdle had
been faced and was behind him.

"It's got two bedrooms, two bathrooms, gonna have a nice porch to sit
out on. We got all kinds of plans. I can't wait for you to meet
him; and his Momma too. She's a sweetheart. Pa's a real bastard
though so you might keep that in mind when you meet him. No tellin
what he might say. Don't care for me nor Jack much at all."

"Oh that's awful! Is Jack here? Can I see him? I've already met
him once, remember?"

"That's right, you did. Sure. He'd love to see you, so would his
momma. C'mon," he took her by the hand and led her outside.
They went over to the cabin first, Jack was there working with pencil
and paper making a list of stuff they needed at Home Depot. He stood
up with a smile when he saw them come through the door.

"Jack," Ennis beamed that tight little smile of his. "This is
Junior. Remember, you met her once before?"

Jack reached out his hand to her and she took it with a smile.
"Daddy's been tellin me about you. I wanted to thank you."

"Of course, I remember her." he said to Ennis and to her he said, "So
good seein you again. Whatever would you be thankin me for?"

"For puttin that smile on my Daddy's face, for gettin him out of
Riverton, for bein part of his life. He's been so miserable most of
it. Drank too much, smoked too much and didn't eat right. Look at
him now?" She looked over at her daddy, anxious and as excited as a
kid at Christmas. "He ain't never been that happy before. Never
have seen that expression on his face before today."

Jack smiled and winked at Ennis. "I guess you found the words?"

"They come to me." Ennis mumbled.

"Let's take her to meet Momma." Jack said, excited as a kid
himself. "She's dying to meet her."


They walked into the kitchen where Mrs. Twist was busy cleaning up.
"Momma, this here's Junior, Ennis's girl." Jack introduced them.

"Oh my goodness, she's beautiful!" She reached out her hand to
Junior. "So pleased to finally meet you."

"Thank you, Mrs. Twist. Can't tell you how good it is to be here."
They all sat down and Mrs. Twist brought out coffee and cookies for
everyone. They chatted happily for a time, getting to know one
another.

A chill fell over the room when the old pickup pulled up out front
and the old man slammed his way into the room.
"That the girl?" He stared at Junior for a moment. "Pretty. Must
take after her momma." and left the room.
A slight giggle went through the room and they were back to their
chit-chat.

"He always that friendly?" Junior asked Mrs. Twist.

"Believe me, honey. That was nice for him." They all laughed.


Jack and Ennis showed Junior around the place and filled her in on
all their plans. She was as excited as they were and shared in the
happy glow that surrounded them. By dinner time, Ennis was becoming
a bit worried.

"Maybe this ain't such a good idea. Maybe we should go into town, or
fix something in the trailer."

"Daddy, I don't care about him, whatever he says. I think we should
stay. I'm sure Jack's momma has been working on a meal for us and
it'd be a shame to disappoint her."

"What ever the two of you want to do, is OK with me; but Junior is
right, Cowboy. You know Momma's been plannin this dinner ever since
you said Junior was comin up."

"You're right. I know it. I'm just scared of what he might say.
Don't wanna go losing my temper."

"C'mon, Daddy, let's go. I'm starving." She took his arm and they
walked across the field to the house.

"You really eat every night at exactly 6:00?" she asked Jack.

"That's right. Breakfast at 6:00am, lunch at 12:00 noon and supper at
6:00, every meal I ever ate here. You was as much as five minutes
late, you missed the meal; period."

"That's a harsh way to live." Junior said.
They came into the kitchen and sat down.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" Junior asked.

"No, thank you honey. You just sit down and visit with your Pa.
I'll have it all on in a few minutes."


The table was set for five, one side having two place settings.
Junior and her daddy sat there. They were just settling in when Mr.
Twist came in and took his seat. Mrs. Twist placed coffee in front
of him and poured cups all around.
Mr. Twist sipped his coffee and stared at Junior.
"So how do you feel 'bout your Pa foolin 'round with Jack here.?" he
asked her.

Ennis stiffened up; Jack swallowed hard, cleared his throat.

"I think it's wonderful. I've never seen Daddy so happy." Junior
smiled sweetly at him.

The old man snorted and started shoveling food onto his plate.

"This smells great, Momma." Jack helped his plate.

"Sure enough, does." Ennis agreed, taking some.

"All this good cooking must have a lot to do with Daddy lookin so
much better. He was always so skinny before." Junior said.

"You mean he looked worse than he does now?" the old man asked.

Junior waited a beat then answered as sweet as pie. "Oh yes. He was
so unhappy last time I saw him. Skinny as a rail. He's filled out
more now. Smiles a lot. Definitely an improvement. Ranch life
agrees with him."

"Why wouldn't he be smiling? Got free room and board. Don't have to
worry 'bout gettin fired, long as he does whatever the hell
his...'boss' tells him to." He said the word 'boss' with a sneer.

"I know, isn't that great? With so many people bein out of work and
all. And Jack's such a great guy to be workin for. My Daddy's a
lucky guy, all right." Junior smiled at Mrs. Twist worried look.

Dessert was served and soon the meal was over. Mr. Twist had long
gone off into the front room for a smoke and the others were carrying
dishes off the table to the sink.
"You're a very smart girl." Mrs. Twist whispered to Junior standing
next to her at the sink.

'I've known people like your husband before. It don't bother me
none. They just like to rile you. I don't let it get to me. I do
worry about Daddy though and Jack. He talk like that all the time
around them?"

"'fraid so." she admitted sadly.

"Everythin all right in here?" Ennis asked as he and Jack brought
the rest of the dishes off the table.

"Couldn't be better, Daddy." Junior hugged him.
Jack watched the interchange, smiling with happiness.


The visit went well and Junior stayed the night at a motel in town.
Jack and Ennis met her in the morning for breakfast before she left
for Riverton.

"Feel better now?" Jack asked as they were driving back to the ranch.

"Yeah, Bud. I do. She's somethin else, ain’t she; my girl?" Ennis
reached over the console and took Jack's hand.

"She is that." Jack agreed and moved Ennis's hand between his legs.

"You got somethin on your mind, there Fella?" He gave Jack's bulge a
squeeze.

"I have. Ain't nothin we can talk 'bout though. Least ways not while
I'm drivin." He held Ennis's hand tight against him and moved his
hips back and forth.

Ennis pulled his hand away. "Better cut that out. You'll run us off
the road."


They made it home in one piece and were met with the old man qriping
about the stack of firewood dwindling down so they spent the rest of
that day sawing, chopping and stacking firewood.
After dinner they went to their cabin to look around and admire their
work.

"I have to hand it to you, Bud. This place is turnin out real
fine." Ennis said, running his hand over the new wallboard they had
installed in the kitchen area.

"Got somethin I want to show you back here." Jack led him back to
the bedroom area. He took out his lighter and lit a candle he had
put there earlier on a box. Beside the box was one of their old
bedrolls opened out.

"Thought it was time we christened this place." Jack smiled at him.

"When'd you do all this?" Ennis asked, smiling.

"Earlier. When you was on the can, when we was cleanin up for
dinner. You interested?"

"I'm always interested, you gotta know that by now." He pulled Jack
to him and kissed him.

"C'mere." Jack said and pulled him down on the bedroll. They pulled
their boots off first, then helped each other remove the rest of
their clothing. They rolled back and forth, first one on top, then
the other. They were breathless, their mouths kiss-swollen when they
finally broke for air. Jack reached for the lube he had stashed on
the box.

"You think of everythin?" Ennis asked.

"When it comes to you, Cowboy, there's nothin I don't think 'bout."
Jack squeezed some lube out onto his fingers and slipped his hand
between Ennis's legs.
Ennis opened up for him eagerly with a satisfied groan as Jack's
fingers entered him.

"You got some fine fingers there, boy." He whispered hoarsely.

"Got somethin else is even better." Jack answered, turning Ennis
over.

Ennis braced himself and pushed his rear back for Jack.
"Ohhhh Shit, that's good," he said as Jack entered him. "Can't
believe I lived so long with out this; with out you."

Jack made it last as long as he could then began thrusting in
earnest. His hand slipped around to grasp Ennis's cock and work it.
Ennis was just tipping over and grunting his release when Jack first
heard the noise. He was so close, he didn't want to stop but had to
look around.
A figure was standing there in the darkened doorway, turned and fled.
Ennis reached round then and grabbed Jack's hips with both hands and
pushed back into him and squeezed his muscles tight, bringing Jack
off.

Jack jumped off immediately as he came to his senses, grabbed his
jeans, hopped into them and ran out the door. Ennis followed.

"Jack? Jack, what's wrong?"

Jack put an arm out and stopped him at the front door. The two of
them watched as the dark figure stopped
by a nearby tree, braced himself against the tree with one hand and
had the right hand at his groin, going like a jack hammer.

"That the old man?" Ennis asked.

"spect so." Jack answered.

"He see?"

"Uh huh."

"Guess he musta liked what he saw." Ennis said quietly.
The old man had finished now and was heading back to the house.

"I swear, Ennis. I had no idea he'd be out here. I never known him
to go wanderin 'round after dark."

"Don't worry me none. It ain't like he didn't already know we was
doin it." he reasoned.

"That's true, but seein it is somethin else."


Next morning they went in for breakfast, the old man was already
there sitting at the table drinking coffee. Mrs. Twist was
saying "It's just awful, that's all. Just awful."

"What's awful, Momma?" Jack asked as they came and sat down at the
table.

"Your Pa's old friend, Joe Aguirre, you worked for him one summer,
remember?"

"What happened to him?" Jack asked, not really caring. He despised
the guy.

"He was shot last night. Someone caught him peekin in a window. Said
he was a peepin tom, spying on people 'round town over in Sage. Shot
him dead." She was aghast.

"That sometimes happens to people stickin their noses in where they
don't belong. Ennis said, staring at the old man.

"Didn't know him well," Jack said, "But if he was spyin on people, he
got what he deserved."

Mrs. Twist just went about putting breakfast on the table and sat
down with hers.
"It's just so sad." She murmured.

"It is and that's a fact Ma'am." Ennis said, staring dark eyes into
dark eyes across the table at the old man.

"He's a good man!" the old man spit out before shoveling food into
his mouth. End of discussion.


After breakfast the three men stood outside deciding which chores to
tackle first when Mrs. Twist call out the door to then.
"Jackie, Home Depot on the phone for you; you got somethin else on
order?" she smiled as her son ran on into the house.


The old man walked into the barn and Ennis followed him.
"You got somethin to say? Spit it out." the old man challenged him.

"No, sir. Not really." Ennis said, putting one hand on the old
man's shoulder and with one quick movement brought his knee up and
got the old man in the balls. He doubled over in pain, coughing and
spitting.

"Just this." he said between gritted teeth. "I ever catch you spyin
on us again, I'll cut that thing off a ya and you won't have it to
wring out on the trees 'round here."

He walked out of the barn just as Jack came out.
"Hey, our order's in let's go pick it up."

"Sounds like a fine idea to me. I could use a little drive 'bout
now."


There was no more spying on the Twist ranch and the old man seemed to
settle down a bit more and let his son take over the running of the
place. Mrs. Twist commented frequently to her 'boys' how their
presence had had a calming effect on the old man over the months
they'd been there. She was a happy woman at last.

The end of part 4 of 5 parts.