Not My Diagnosis

We walked down the halls of solid white and I motioned to the doors and stopped after several. "This is where we keep those with strongest need of our help. Some of them we cannot even talk to. Most of them suffer the same symptoms so it provides a slight ease to the staff with the consistency and work around that particular subject. A few of our subjects are suffering a constant delusional psychosis where our personnel cannot even enter the room. If you wish to see..." I slid the view slider back to reveal a woman with padded gloves on trying to burrow into her flesh, screaming. A few of the officers stepped up, but most were wise to stay back.

"As you can see," I continued as the few pulled away in disgust and I closed the slider, "we have detained her as we see healthy. We would tie most of them up, but as my research has proven, there are certain patients who will die if they cannot move. The idea is to keep them from harming themselves, and that is what we have done, without the barbaric tactic of stringing them up and walking away. If you are wondering, we just wait for them to go to sleep, or for some amount of sanity to take hold as it will come in waves. That is when we try to work with them. The adrenaline just needs time to wind down. Within this window we do our best to solve the problem as well as provide them with a supportive diet which you can examine downstairs if you wish." I looked around with a breath. "Any questions?"

Mr. Wayne spoke up, of course, "Yes...um... I noticed when you opened the slide there, we could hear her, but when you closed it it was silent again."

I raised a brow, "That was more of a statement, but to answer your underlying question, we have taken our recent funding and put it into soundproofing the rooms up on this level. The screaming of other patients was absolutely not conducive to the others' recovery. It was a necessary addition." Half of them nodded unconsciously and I flashed a quick smile. "Any others?"

"What's your next project here for the Asylum?" came another amused question from him.

"We are currently working on a full lock-down system for the entire Asylum. You gentlemen work hard enough. It isn't fair when they get out, is it?" They all made indeterminable noises and shook their heads, a few of them taking further notes. "Anything else?" Silence. "Very well. Miss Jessica, will you please see the group down to the kitchen? They are welcome to a free meal to sample what we spoil the patients with."

She started off and paused when Bruce didn't follow. I glanced between he and she. "Go ahead, Jessica, I will catch up. I have another appointment with Dr. Crane here," he smiled lopsidedly to her and she nodded and took off down the stairs, some of the officers hesitating before continuing downstairs.

I watched them leave and looked to him, a wicked grin making me shiver as I started to walk down the hall. He followed by my side. "Do you mind telling me what this is about?"

"I needed an alibi for tonight, and what better than to show the other half of gotham where I was besides my house when it hit the ground? Out checking my stocks, like all upstanding billionaires."

"And the police for witness."

He smiled. "And you didn't tell me I would be held at knife point and drawn on."

"I would have, had you called." I stopped in my step as we near the end of the hall. "I actually have real business to attend to, so, if you would like, you may stroll around the campus, perhaps go talk with the Joker again. It seems he's taken a liking to you."

"Well, I was hoping you would show me that little cell you have prepared on this floor. And since when did you move your office?"

"I moved it upon a certain visit where I was stabbed in the stomach," I growled, turning on my heel and walking down the hall.

He reached for my wrist and missed, as I felt his fingers grace it. "Now wait, this is why you lead me here, isn't it?"

I stopped and turned to face him, my fingers mindlessly playing with the frame of my glasses. "I didn't bring you any where, in fact I was hoping my dear friend was fast enough to break track, but your need for an 'alibi' is what brought you here." He moved in closer. "I, actually, still have several reports to write and-" He let his hand make their way to my waist, snaking around it and back down my hips. "-And file." His lips found my neck and started there, my heart palpitating and breath hitching.

The door opened.

He jumped away from me and my knees buckled, fortunately catching myself with one. "Dr. Crane, are you all right?" Jessica sang as she ran over to me. She hesitated to touch me, which was wise, and I made my way to my feet.

"I'm fine, thank you. Just a bit more tired than I had suspected." She nodded and cleared her throat, trying to remember what she was supposed to be saying.

"Oh... I'm sorry for the intrusion, but some of the men on the second floor are getting a bit... rowdy.

"And you need me because...?"

"Well, it's the Joker..." I quirked a brow. "He's escaped."

"What do you mean 'escaped'?" I took off down the hall with a glance to the third party. "Please, stay here, Mr. Wayne."

"He's still in the building, but we're having a hard time apprehending him." Her step at my side slowed and she fell behind me as we walked down the stairs, obviously apprehensive.

I made it down the stairs and saw the circle of nurses and detainers juggling straight jackets and siringes full of tranquilizer. I briskly made my way towards them and through the circle, walking up behind the Joker man, grappling his wrist and manipulating the knife out of it. He turned in a flash and then laughed. "Oh, jeez, don't do that. I thought I was going to have to kill someone." He pawed for the knife.

"What are you doing out?

"I was hungry. And this lad here was kind enough to bring me something to snack on after some careful persuasion. And then he just leaves the door open!" He laughed. I looked over to who he was referring to and saw a large welt on his head.

"If you would, in the future, as I have asked before, Thomas, do not interact with this one beyond what is necessary." The man nodded and I looked back to my current involvement lunging for the knife in my hand. I stepped out of the way and he stumbled towards some of the nurses, who gasped and moved. "Now, Joker, I can't have you pulling stunts like this or I'll have to take away your toys and move you to third."

"What's the problem? I didn't hurt anyone. I'm just having a little fun." He walked up to me, addressing me with a hand as if he had a weapon in it. "You know, things are a bit too serious around here," he lowered his voice, "And if I were you," now mere inches from my face, "I would think about putting a little sunshine in this old prison. How about it, sweet-tart?"

I raised a brow and inhaled, "I will consider it." He paused an then laughed, walking back around the circle. "I will escort you back to your cell now, and you may have this back if you behave." I brandished the knife at him and he fell into a hypnotic stare for a moment.

"Yeah, yeah. Let's go."

He broke through the crowd of uppity employees and stopped dead when he passed by Mr. Wayne, who, to my knowledge now, had followed us down and to the crowd. "Sweet-cheeks! How are you doing here? Did they lock you up yet?" His voice was low and sketchy, but as long as I could hear him it wasn't a problem.

Bruce chuckled, of course, "No, no, not yet. Though I have been invited to see one of the cells later."

The Joker paused in his breath and moved to examine his face better. "What happened to your face?"

"What do you mean?"

"It's smudged." He prowled back to his cell and we all followed. He soon brought out his mirror and held it up, Bruce examining his face and the streaked tribal art that I had failed to notice earlier. I touched my jaw and could feel the faint oil left upon my skin. The pale-faced man turn to my movement and stared at me; I didn't move. He crept towards me and took my hand from my neck, turning it over to reveal the lipstick I had wiped off. He looked up to my eyes and over to Bruce and back again for several seconds before he clapped once and started to chuckle, which turned into a laugh.

I exchanged a look of terror with Bruce and he fought a smile, which made it worse. "I get it now, I see. Ok. That's fine. If it's a secret, though, you'll have to tell me so I don't go tellin' the press."

I barely nodded, the group still behind us. "Good good. I like secrets! Keeps people on their toes. I might just have to tell you one of mine one day to make it fair. I guess you get to wipe that off, Brucey-boy. You should of told me you were taken." He chuckled and walked back into his cell, replacing the mirror. "I'll have to mark you with something else."

I turned and dismissed the orderly and they went back to their milling about. "Say, where'd all the coppers get to? Shouldn't they be here?"

"I suppose they are still downstairs," I replied, watching him dig around through his different shades. He walked back over to Bruce and started to draw on his other cheek in purple. When he was done he stepped back and made the frame motion with his hands again.

"There we are," the Joker muttered. He held up the mirror for Bruce and revealed to him a purple bat across his cheek. He stared at it for a moment in what looked like shock and I didn't move. Then he laughed.

"Say, that's not bad," he chuckled as his fingers touched his cheek. "I guess I get to play Batman now. I don't know if I could do all that running around though."

"Ah...the Batman," the patient mused. "Now there's a man that belongs here. Or dead." He laughed his hyena's laugh again.

"Yes, well if you catch him for me, you be sure to let me know who's under that mask, though, you should try to make sure he stays a bit alive for the Doctor here. He'll be the one examining the lunatic when we catch up with him." Mr. Wayne smiled and glanced to me, then back again to the madman.

He was still laughing. "I'll be sure to string him up on some silver wire for you, peaches." The lunatic meandered back into his cell and I closed the door, offering his knife to him which he ravenously collected from me, staring at it for a time. I ended up mindlessly wandering down the hallway to my office.


{I hope you five-hundred plus readers are enjoying it so far. I can't tell, yet, I continue to update on time, and even to the precision of three point five days. I also hope in vain I am not murdering the Joker's character, but I'm sure you'll tell me if I am.
~Dr. Crane}