Nothing Else Matters

When Daniel awoke, it took him a few moments to remember where he was and what had happened. He remembered the bar and the embarrassingly large amount of bourbon all too easily, but everything else was a bit fuzzy. He wasn't quite sure how he'd agreed to come to John's home in Shell Beach, but he remembered with all too much clarity how good it had felt to be pulled close to the other man, how defenseless he'd been against his own emotions.

He closed his eyes again with a soft groan, rubbing them blindly with the back of a wrist, the pleasant oblivion of the alcohol having turned to a pounding headache. The thought of facing John left him feeling vulnerable and a little terrified, especially not being able to clearly recall if he had said or done anything inappropriate in his inebriated state. He fought to push the fears down for politeness's sake. John had been very kind to him, though he still wasn't entirely sure how he came to run into the dark haired man in that little bar in the first place....

He sat up and looked blearily around the neatly kept bedroom, which, he saw once he'd put his glasses back on, was clean and bright and simple, a little refreshing. His coat, jacket and vest hung from a hanger on the back of the door, along with a white bathrobe. He'd just finished the glass of water when a light knock came at the door, a soft call. "Daniel?"

"I'm up," he replied with a sigh, looking up as the door cracked open.

"Hey." John gave a soft smile, already dressed. "How are you feeling?"

He managed to return the smile. "Like I've had -- too much to drink," he replied frankly.

John gave a soft chuckle, entering the room and perching beside him on the bed. "Hold still, I think I can help a little with that." Warm hands cupped either side of his head, and John closed his eyes, voice a little distracted. "Don't worry... this is one of the first things... I taught myself." He felt tingling warmth spread from those hands, through his skull and down his spine, soft and comforting, and he watched John with wide eyes as he pulled his hands away.

"How to -- heal a hangover?"

A little grin. "It comes in handy. Hey - if you want to shower or anything, the bathroom's down the hall. I'll leave some clothes here for you."

"Thank you," Daniel replied gratefully, "For both. And for letting me -- stay."

A little wistful smile. "It's good to have company. I'll be downstairs."

"John..." he tried again, and stopped, watching the other man as he turned back into the room, raising an eyebrow in response to his call. Daniel wet his lips. "If I - if I said or did anything -- inappropriate...."

John smiled again and shook his head. "Don't worry, doc. You were the very picture of propriety. See you in a bit."

"Thank you..." He watched John leave, still a little uncertain about it, but decided to take him at his word.

Between whatever John had done and a hot shower, he felt much more human. When he returned to the room there was a buff coloured suit hanging from the door. Although it wasn't his usual colour, he found himself quite liking how well tailored it was. Once he was dressed, it seemed rather more appropriate for Shell Beach than his regular wardrobe, for the mid morning sun that streamed through the sheer white curtains. It was beautiful, John's house, in a simple, comfortable way. Perhaps it wasn't so much how it looked as how it felt - warm and inviting and full of sunlight. But what was he doing here? He tried again to think back to the night before. He remembered tears, and John's hand stroking his hair, and the dark haired man talking... about what? He couldn't remember, and it frustrated him. He felt like he was missing something important, some idea or realization that hung just out of reach.

John was already seated at the table when he found his way into the kitchen, sipping a cup of coffee. The table was laid out with an impressive spread of fresh fruit and various pastries. He looked over it all before sitting at the other place setting, raising an eyebrow at John. "Are you expecting -- an army?"

The dark haired man laughed, warm and at ease. "Oh, no... I guess I did overdo it a little, didn't I? I just didn't know what you'd want. Don't worry, just eat what you like. It won't go to waste."

He smiled. "Thank you. If it's not too much of a worry, might I trouble you for -- some tea? Orange Pekoe?"

"Oh!" John looked a little surprised, and moved aside a few of the dishes to make room for the tea service that was Tuned into being, delicate blue and white china. "I'm sorry, somehow I assumed you'd have coffee...."

He smiled, more touched than he wanted to let on by John's fussing. "No, no, this is all very -- kind of you. Thank you." They sat in silence for a few moments, eating, and Daniel reflected that being with John was strangely comfortable, much more so than he'd expected, even if only in silence.

He sat back in his hair finally, sipping his cup of tea. "Thank you for taking care of me -- last night," he said softly. "You shouldn't have had to -- deal with that kind of immaturity. I'm very sorry for -- my behavior...."

John sat back as well, watching him with a little wistful smile. "There's nothing wrong with a little indulgence. You have nothing to be sorry for, Daniel. Really."

The words were familiar, and he watched John for a long moment, letting the memories of last night slowly start to come back to him. "You're not a coward, John."

Dark eyebrows raised slightly. "What makes you say that?"

"Last night -- you said...."

"Ah." John glanced away, looking a little embarrassed, and took a sip of his coffee. "Debatable. But thank you all the same."

Daniel watched him, still trying to piece things together. "But you asked for forgiveness.... for what?"

John's gaze still evaded his, hands wrapped around the coffee mug. "For... for hurting you."

"You haven't..."

"No?" Green eyes snapped to his, troubled. "I treated you very badly, in the beginning, when all you offered me was help."

"You had no reason to -- trust me, John...."

"Regardless, it's inexcusable." His lips tightened into a thin line, and he shook his head slightly. "It was vile of me. It was no better than what They did to you."

"Not for a moment." Daniel felt his eyes narrow. "Don't ever class yourself with -- Them. You are more brave and -- noble than anyone I have ever -- had the fortune to meet. Circumstances were unfortunate then, we all did what -- we had to."

"There was no reason for me to have to - "

He shook his head, holding a hand up to cut him off, speaking gently. "I forgave you for it a long ago, John. Please don't continue to -- let it have power over you."

John looked back to him, looking almost astonished, and more than a little touched. "... thank you. It's... it's very sweet of you, to say that."

He lowered his eyes, feeling the tips of his ears heat self-consciously. "There is no need to -- thank me. You have given me freedom. I can never -- repay you for that."

"You saved my life. Or at least from whatever horrible end they had planned for me. You've never owed me anything, Daniel."

He looked so eager, so sincere, and Daniel found he didn't dare hold his gaze, for fear of bringing back the overwhelming emotions of the night before, for fear of losing control again. But John was still speaking, still nursing the cup of coffee.

"It was very selfish of me," he said, softly, "to disappear out here after everything had happened, and just desert you in the city. I was only thinking of myself and my own pain. I'm sorry about that, too."

Daniel managed to shake his head. "You were looking for your wife. I'm very sorry, by the way, that it didn't -- work out. I did try to make her imprint - her new memories, that is - so that she would -- love you...."

A flash of surprise from John. "Really? That's how she thought she knew me, it was your doing?"

He felt the heat in his ears intensify, moving down slowly to his cheeks. "I had hoped you would -- be happy. I am sorry that it failed."

"No...." John was still watching him, a little incredulous. "It didn't, she did - love me, or at least like me, I guess. But... I don't love her." He glanced away. "I'm not even sure I really felt love for Emma, to tell you the truth. She's not who's important to me anymore."

Daniel tried to talk, to ask him who it was, but the words stuck in his throat, afraid of the consequences of such an answer. "I... see," he managed finally, swallowing.

John caught his gaze, green eyes to blue. "I'm sorry it took me so long to find you. I wasn't sure you'd want to see me after everything, after I deserted you.... It's just... it's hard being here on my own, you know? Knowing I can change all this at a whim, that nothing is real. You can't explain that to people. I couldn't tell Anna." His gaze was hopeful, as if begging him to understand what was left unsaid, and Daniel wet his lips lightly after watching for a moment.

"I know," he said softly, then spoke again, hesitantly. "I think, perhaps... that I need your company -- as much as you need -- mine."

John left out a relieved sigh, nodding. "Yes, exactly. I do, Daniel, very much, as strange as that may sound."

He gave a soft, tentative smile, trying to push aside the tension, the desire that made his heart beat fast. "Thank you for -- having me here, John."

His friend returned the smile, setting down his empty coffee cup. "You will always be welcome here."

~~TBC~~~