The Things I Never Told You

I felt relaxed and well rested when I awoke the next morning, and for a short time I stayed bed, wrapped in warmth and comfort. I still had no idea what I was going to do or how I was going to get Ben back, but there was a very strong feeling of peace, like everything was going to turn out all right.

Mind you, it could have just been that I'd gotten more sex in the past two nights than I had in over two months. I chuckled softly, finally getting up and grabbing my robe from the back of the bedroom door, headed to the bathroom. In the mirror, I thought I caught sight of a head of blond hair curled up in the mass of comforter on my bed, but when I looked closer, it was only a trick of the light.

When I left the shower, the only thing in the steam on the mirror was a large, slightly lopsided heart, and I smiled, tracing the outline with a finger and a soft feeling of wonder. I left it and pulled on clothes in my bedroom, trying to focus on a flicker of movement I'd seen in the mirror out of the corner of my eye, but finding nothing. Changing the bedsheets didn't take long, and after eating a bowl of cereal I poured myself a cup of hot coffee from the re-programmed coffee maker and settled down in my office at the desk.

My reflection cupped his cheek, giving me a soft smile, which I returned. "Morning, Ben."

His smile widened a little, and for a time he just looked at me. Then he picked up the pen, and I glanced down to find that he'd written simply, 'You're beautiful.'

I snorted, taking a sip of coffee, but I couldn't keep from smiling. "Don't be ridiculous. How are you doing? Tired?"

'I'm fine. Ready for another day of our dog and pony show?'

I laughed. "Something like that. Maybe we'll find something useful today." I paused, watching him for a long moment, enough that he raised an eyebrow in query. "I think I heard you, last night," I said softly, and wet my lips. "Just a whisper, while we were... um. I know it wasn't me."

His eyebrows knit together a little. 'Interesting to know. I wasn't trying to get through to you, though I wouldn't even know how to... I was just focused on you.'

"I know," I replied, and smiled. "It was really good, Ben. I... thank you."

'Anytime. I'll always be here. You know that.' He paused for a moment, pen hovering over the paper, looking up at me before writing again. 'Larry, if we can't find anything, if this is all there is, all we have... is that enough for you? Do you want me to stay?'

"Of course I want you to stay," I said firmly, feeling a rush of despair at the thought of him leaving. "I - I need you to stay. Please. Even just like this - it's enough. It's still you." I felt a gentle caress on my hair, watching his fingers brush soothingly along my jaw.

'I won't leave you,' he wrote, and I could see, could feel the emotion behind his words. 'I promise. As long as you need me, I'll be with you.'

~~~~


The first two people I saw that day were, quite frankly, completely bonkers. One of them offered me a drag off his joint, and all I could was stare at him as he kept talking, wondering what part of "Police Captain" he hadn't quite understood. I excused myself as soon as I could.

In the afternoon I arrived at a third contact after a brief conversation on the phone. He had been one of Dr. Merde's referrals, who had simply shrugged and said, "He understands about this kind of stuff." When I knocked on the door, a young man answered, a rather good looking Asian. "Can I help you?"

"I hope so. I'm Captain Larry Byrne. I'm looking for a Mister..." I checked my list. "Shin Mur - "

"Call me Shin," he said with a little smile, pushing open the screen door. "Come in, Captain." Shin seemed different from the others that I'd talked to in that he didn't try to explain his own importance, simply listening to me as I once explained everything that had happened, who I'd talked to and what I was trying to do. I liked him, I decided. Beyond the fact that he was cute.

"Your story is very interesting," he said finally, when I'd finished. "And I believe you. But I'm curious... do you know what he wants, Larry?"

I hesitated, thinking over the conversations we'd had, over what he'd done, how he'd reacted to everything. "He... he just said he needed to be with me. That he'd stay as long as I wanted him to."

"I see. Is it because he needs you, or because you need him? Will it change your life, if you carry on as you have been? Effect your relationships?"

I gave a soft snort before I could stop myself. But there was something about the boy that made me open up when I normally wouldn't. Or maybe part of me knew that if I held back, it would only hamper my search. "What relationships? Honestly, I'm a cop. I eat, sleep and work. I just... I need him."

"I can see how important he is to you," Shin replied with a little half smile, leaning back against the couch. "It seems that whatever state he is in, he has become very strong by being around you. I imagine your house is a place that was important to him?"

Ben hadn't been to my apartment many times before the accident. By the time I'd bought it he was already married, and most of his time was spent with his family. But the times he'd been there... when he'd been tired and lost, when he'd been fighting with Amy.... I could almost count them on two hands, and I remembered them all vividly, our passionate, stolen embraces despite our guilt. "Yeah," I said, and smiled.

"Good," he replied. "If you are to retrieve him, it should be in a place that is powerful for him. Your home, or his, or the place where he crossed over first, if you have access to it. You haven't been able to find anyone else who knows of these mirrors? Has anyone come back?"

"No," I said, giving a little shake of my head. "Everyone else who was involved is dead, apart from...." I stopped, and suddenly everything came together in a moment of brilliant understanding. "His son," I realized, remembering what both Ben and Michael had told me. "His son was pulled behind the mirrors - through, um, a reflection over a dark hardwood floor covered by only half an inch of water. And Ben pushed him back out from the other side, through the water. Alive." I was already up off the couch, stuffing the folder with the pictures back in the bag, my mind racing. I barely managed to remember to shake Shin's hand, smiling at his little amused grin. "I think I understand. I think I know. I - Thank you. Thank you so much." With that I left, racing back to the Mayflower.

I parked my car on the street, pressing the buzzer beside the door in the boards that ringed the property. It took all my self control to wait, not to press the buzzer multiple times, and I tried to present a composed picture to the day security guard, Sapelli, when he answered the door. I flashed my batch. "NYPD, do you mind if I take a look at the site?"

He frowned. "Your people still have it all taped up, officer. They said they were done."

"I know," I replied. "I'm with crime scene. I just need to check a few details inside for a report so we can close up the case, it won't take long."

He frowned, but let me in. "All right. Just watch that you don't go in too far - the building isn't stable, it's still settling after the explosion. Come with me, I'll lend you a flashlight. Forgive me if I don't go in with you, I don't trust the building after two fires."

I nodded, glancing up at the window of the trailer as we approached it and freezing. I could see, very clearly, the reflection of three figures. "I can see you," I murmured, feeling my heart race at the realization.

"Excuse me?"

I glanced to Sapelli automatically, and when I looked back at the window, Ben was gone. But I had to be on the right track with this if I could see him, didn't I? "I'm sorry," I said, taking the flashlight from him. "Thank you."

Sapelli shrugged and disappeared back into the trailer, and I crossed the property at a jog, ducking underneath the police tape that roped off the door and letting myself inside.

The interior of the Mayflower was dark, and it took my eyes a few minutes to adjust as I moved through the front entrance toward the back of the building and the staircase that I remembered leading down to the lower level. It was a little easier to see as I moved farther back, with beams of sunlight filtering down through the dust from holes in the dome roof. I shone the powerful beam of the flashlight over the area as I slowly made my way downstairs. Most the rubble that I remembered from the rescue efforts was gone, hauled away with backhoes and trucks to an external site to safely search through for the remains of victims. I could think about that dispassionately now, without the heart-wrenching sense of loss I'd felt after the accident. Ben wasn't dead, he was with me. He cared for me.

"All right," I said out loud, more for his benefit than my own. I started down the staircase, wading out into the foot and a half or so of water that still sat at the bottom of the site. Ben had gone through the events of that night with me in detail, and I'd photographed the page of writing, inverted the image digitally, and studied it in detail over the past few days, trying to find a connection. "So you brought the nun in through the main entrance, past the mirrors and down here. Then you went through the flooded basement to the walled off room from the mental hospital. That would have been... there?" I tried to remember where I'd found the photograph on the day of the accident. There was still shards of broken tile under the water when I reached the area, and as I moved past it the flashlight caught glints of broken mirror, submerged.

Overhead something disturbed some of the roosting pigeons, and I raised an arm to shield my head as dust rained down into the water. I shook myself off, continuing to look around the area. "You strapped her to the chair, but they must have taken that away with the rubble. And then all the mirrors shattered, so the only reflective surface left...." I looked down at my submerged calves. The beam from the flashlight cast ripples of light on the remaining rubble that slowed as the water calmed, until I could see my own reflection clearly. "The water. The roof collapse pushed you in, pushed through to the other side. But how do we get you back?"

I looked around the shell of the building with a frown, hearing it creak and crumble as the building settled. I shook my head slowly, feeling the confidence I'd had slowly ebb away. And there was no sign of Ben.

"Come on, Ben," I murmured, and ran a hand through my hair, dislodging more dust. "Tell me what to do. Give me some clue. What if you submerge yourself? Can you get through?"
There was no sign of him, though, no movement other than my flashlight on the water. My reflection on its surface was still mirroring me perfectly. Maybe the boy had been wrong after all, thinking he'd be strong here. Maybe I'd been wrong.

Finally I shook my head and started towards the second staircase, climbing carefully over the rubble. I could hear the remains of the second floor creaking above me, but I ignored it, lost to the despair my own thoughts. Maybe it was time to give up on this, to learn to live with Ben as things were now. But even with how good it was to have him with me, to know that he wasn't dead, the thought of never actually seeing him again was hard to take. Never being able to touch him, never feeling his lips on mine....

"Larry!"

The cry, unexpected, was enough to grab my attention. I froze, looking up to see the rubble crumbling. Then something under the water grabbed onto me and yanked, sweeping me off my feet. Caught off guard, I fell, the water closing over my head as everything went black.

~~~~


When I became aware of myself again I was cold, my clothes soaked through, but my cheek was warm from a gentle touch, a hand stroking me over and over. This wasn't Ben controlling my reflection, I realized with a surge of joy. This was his hand, his warmth. This was real. I tried to open my eyes and gave a breath of relief as the most familiar, longed for voice reached my ears.

"Larry?"

"God," I gasped, blinking my to clear my vision and struggling to sit up, reaching for him. "Ben!"

"Oh, thank god. Hold on - lay still. You might have hit your...." His hands were strong on my shoulders, solid, urging me back down to where I lay - on the basement steps, I realized, the water mere feet away.

I pulled him down to me though, wrapping my arms tight around his torso and clinging to him. It was so good to see him, to feel him warm and solid against me. "Oh god, Ben. Thank god, you're back, thank god."

"No," he whispered harshly, and pulled away, expression stricken as he looked down on me. Then he held up a hand - his right, and in the light filtering down from above I could see a jagged scar across his palm. "This should be on my left. I'm still behind the mirror. And you..." he faltered, staring at me, giving a little shake of his head. "At first I thought that I'd just moved your reflection somehow, that you were caught in the fall, that you might be... but you woke up here...."

I pushed past him and got to my feet, moving back to the surface of the water to stare down.

No reflection.

No... there it was. I could just see the light denim of my jean clad legs, trapped yards away under the fallen debris, half invisible under the water. "Oh god...."

"I tried to get to you in time when I saw the ceiling starting to crumble," I heard him say softly, behind me. "But I tripped on the rubble. I grabbed your ankle under the water and tried to pull you out of the way...." Ben gave a long, shuddering sigh, and even in the low light I could see the agony in his expression when I turned back to him. "I think - I think I pulled you through. God, Larry, I'm sorry."

"I'm on the other side of the mirror with you," I tried to take in the revelation. "Jesus...."

"It might not be too late," he said quickly, running down the steps into the water and sloshing towards the pillar. "Your reflection's still here, you can try and get back, try and get out alive."

Get back? The idea came with immediate revulsion. Go back to never being able to see him, to touch him? To have to communicate through a pen and paper? Go back to empty days of police work, without him by my side? "Ben." I followed him into the water and took his arm, pulling him back towards the steps. "I'm not going back. Not without you."

"I can't go back. But you - "

"I not going back," I repeated firmly, feeling a rush of relief, of calm move over me at the decision. Of peace. "Everything I need is right here. I'm staying here with you." I watched his mouth shift, anguished, and I lifted a hand to cup his face reassuringly, brushing his well shaped lips with my thumb. He was warm and solid and real under my touch, and I shivered at the feel of it. How long had it been since I'd touched him like this?

"No." Ben shook his head slowly and stepped back, pulling from my touch. "No - Larry, you can't. Not here, not with me. You can't - "

"Why not with you? Ben...."

"You don't deserve this," he said fiercely. "And you don't get it, Larry. This is it, this is forever. You don't go back now, you're stuck here. And you deserve a hell of a lot better than to be stuck here with me when all I ever did was use you - "

The words stung. "But you said you cared for me."

Ben gave a soft, helpless laugh. "Larry, I love you. I've loved you from the first time that I kissed you, maybe even before that. God, I wouldn't have even looked at Amy if I'd thought there was any way for us to be together."

It was true, I realized suddenly, thinking back on all the time we'd spent together. It was always me moving on, finding new boyfriends so that I wouldn't have to deal with my feelings for him. "I know," I said softly. "You asked me to stay twice, remember? I just...."

"Didn't think I meant it?" Ben asked softly, and I nodded.

"Couldn't believe that you'd want someone like me, that you'd want to give up marriage and a family for me." I met his gaze. "I'm sorry, Ben. Let me make up for it. Let me stay with you now."

"Larry, if you come to regret this, that's it. We're stuck here alone together, we - "

"I won't regret it," I cut him off with a little frown. "I thought you said you'd been watching me these past weeks? The only thing I regretted was losing you, and the only thing I'll ever regret is not telling you how much I loved you a hell of a long time ago."

"But if we're dead - "

"If we're dead," I repeated, "Then it's obviously up to us to decide whether to make heaven or hell out of this place. Isn't it? And if we're not dead, we can keep researching, keep trying to find a way back. Just... let's do it together, okay? We've spent so much time apart already."

Ben paused, then gave a slow nod. "Larry...."

"Shhh. It's all right. I want this, I promise you. I've never wanted anything more. I need you," I said softly, and gave him a reassuring smile.

Slowly Ben relaxed, the worried look leaving his eyes. He leaned in closer, not caring that we were still standing knee deep in water, stroking his arms around my waist and pressing his lips to my jaw. "I love you," he whispered, his breath in a shivering sigh against my skin. "I've always loved you, and I was such a coward.... God, Larry, I'm so sorry."

"Don't apologize," I murmured, heart pounding hard at his words, but he shook his head.

"Things could have been so different for us if I'd just pulled my head out of my ass - "

"Stop it." I pulled back to catch his mouth in a firm kiss, stroking my hands over his shoulders and pressing closer. "You weren't any more stupid than me. I should have seen it from the way you treated me. I just chose to deny it because I was afraid. That's having your head in your ass."

He laughed softly, beautifully, stroking his fingers through my wet hair. "I'll just have to make it impossible to deny," he said, voice low and husky, and I felt my breath catch in my throat.

"I'm looking forward to it," I managed to reply, trying to push away the surge of desire and wondering a little at the fact that he could still make me weak in the knees even after so long. "Lets get out of this place, okay?"

Ben nodded, pulling away but catching my hand in his, his grip warm and strong and sure. We made our way up the stairs together, and I wondered a little at how good it felt to do something as simple as walking hand in hand with him. He stopped at the entrance to the building, turning to face me and slipping a hand up to cup the side of my neck. "Larry... thanks for not giving up on me."

"I never could," I replied softly, and let myself melt into his embrace as he pulled me close to press his lips to mine.

It was a little strange, driving away from the Mayflower and seeing my car left behind in the rear view mirror. "So if we move things... does it effect their reflection, back in the real world?

"I don't think so," he replied. "I could only see proof of that when I was... talking to you. But anything we move that isn't touching us like clothes or food generally disappears or reverts within 24 hours." He chuckled softly. "As a result, I've gotten very good at hot wiring cars."

I laughed, feeling a surge of warmth as his hand moved to cover mine on the gear shift, giving it a light squeeze. We arrived back at my apartment building and I parked, taking him upstairs. It was a little strange, seeing everything reversed, and I automatically turned right towards my apartment when we stepped out of the stairwell, only to have him pull me to the left with a little smile. I chuckled again, unlocking the door and trying to adjust to the layout being reversed. "How have you been getting in and out of my place, anyway?"

"I had my keys on me when I went through the mirror, same as you," Ben said, slipping out of his shoes and looking around my apartment with a little frown. "We're not going to be able to stay here for long," he said worriedly. "When the real world figures out what happens, figures out that you're missing and assumes that you're dead or whatever, then whoever has to settle your estate, whoever you left stuff to...."

"My godchildren," I admitted with a little half smile, and saw him smile as well. I slipped my hand into his and squeezed gently. "I'm sorry I won't be around to take care of them for you, Ben."

He gave a little sigh, and shook his head. "It's all right. They'll have that man.... You know she's been seeing him for three years, Larry? Three fucking years...."

"Jesus, that's rotten. I'm sorry, Ben." I watched him, obviously still hurt and conflicted about it, but I couldn't stop myself from saying what I did in reply. "Makes me feel a bit less guilty for fucking her husband."

His gaze snapped back to me, startled, and then he gave a soft laugh. "Yeah. It does, doesn't it? Larry... god, I should have broken it off with her a long time ago, I should have made things right with you. I should have done right by you, and none of this would have happened...."

"Hey." I stroked a hand up his arm, squeezing his shoulder gently. "Enough of that. We're here now, aren't we? It's all I care about, Ben. I promise." I watched him relax again, and smiled. "So we'll stay here while we can. Then we'll find someplace else. Don't the five star hotels usually have a suite that they keep open just in case someone incredibly important comes to stay?"

Ben chuckled, looking thoughtful. "And what do we do when those famous people actually show up?"

I shrugged. "We eat their expensive food and sleep on the couch." I smiled then, catching his other hand and squeezing gently. "What's to stop us from doing anything? We could catch a plane to Fiji tomorrow if we wanted."

"But your home...."

I shook my head. "My home is with you. It's always been with you. Doesn't matter where we go."

He glanced away with a smile that was almost shy, reclaiming his hand to touch my face, warm and affectionate. "Maybe being stuck here isn't such a bad thing, after all. Not with you here."

I gave into the urge to kiss him again, stroking my fingers up into his hair. I couldn't help but wonder at everything, almost overwhelmed by the feeling of having him with me when I'd been so sure I'd never see him again, and certainly not like this. "We should get out of these wet clothes," I murmured, hands moving to unzip his sweatshirt and urge it off his shoulders. He gave a soft, appreciative noise, returning my kiss with an almost playful nip to my bottom lip, pulling off my jacket and tugging my t-shirt out of my pants. His hands slipped up under the wet fabric, surprisingly warm against the damp skin of my sides, stroking and teasing me just like he always had. It was so real, so familiar, and I kissed him more deeply, mapping the curves of his lips before tasting him. There was no mistaking his kiss, his strength and passion. This was really Ben.

"You're shivering," he murmured softly, a little worriedly, and pulled my shirt over my head. "Come on, get out of all this... come to bed and I'll get you warm."

I was, but it wasn't entirely from being cold. I managed a little smirk, wriggling out of my wet jeans and boxers and toeing off my socks. I glanced up to to find Ben watching me with a soft smile, and he reached out to trace the line of my hipbone with his fingertips, his hand warm as it smoothed up my side, his eyes moving over me slowly. It made me feel slightly self conscious, and I sighed as he pulled me closer to press a soft kiss to my collarbone. "I'm not a fit young cop anymore, Ben...."

"And you think I am? You think I care about that?" Ben's kisses trailed slowly up my neck, and I tilted my head back with a soft sigh, drinking in the touch. "Larry... all I need is you. All I've ever needed is you." His lips closed over my earlobe, sucking gently tugging at it with his teeth. His hands smoothed around my waist, then down to cup my ass, and the throaty tone of his voice sent a shudder of arousal down my spine. "You turn me on more than ever."

I swallowed, nuzzling his damp hair as my fingers pulled his t-shirt up, stroking hungrily over bare skin. It was almost unreal to hear Ben saying all the things that I'd longed to hear for so long, but it was so very, very good. I drew his shirt off over his head, then pressed my face to his neck, breathing in deep of the warmth and scent that my mind had never forgotten. "I am so fucking in love with you," I murmured, shivering at the words I'd never dared to admit to him like this before. "I always have been, Ben."

Ben's arms tightened around me, and I felt a shudder run through him. "Me too, Lar." I felt his sigh on my skin, a trembling kiss pressed to my jaw. "Oh god, I love you." He caught my mouth with his own, then, warm and trembling and yearning, and it was like all the emotion I'd held back and denied for almost twenty years had all come crashing down onto me now. I could feel myself trembling, kissing him again and again, gasping for breath when our lips parted. Moaning his name against his lips and craving more, wanting to hold tight to him and never let go.

His jeans were still damp, cold against my skin, and I forced my hands to stop their caress of his bare back to reach between us and tug them undone. He freed a hand to help me, fumbling wet jeans and boxers down over his hips and kicking them off. "So ridiculous," he muttered, and I glanced up, questioning.

"Ben?"

"Oh - " He gave a soft laugh, as if just realizing he'd said it out loud. "I just - sorry. I feel like a damn virgin, and I don't even know why. We've been fucking for - god, almost twenty years, Larry."

I couldn't help but smile, though I knew what he was talking about. I felt the same mix of trembling anxiety, with need and desire. "I know. It's all right, come on," I said softly, and tugged him towards my futon. It was easier, when we were curled together under the thick comforter, and we warmed quickly, relaxing to yearning kisses and gentle touch. I couldn't get enough of the way he felt against me, the warmth of his skin under my hands, and I finally urged him to lay over me, revelling in security of his weight against my body. We rocked together slowly, and he pulled back just a little to look at me, leaning on one forearm beside my head, his expression almost wondering.

"Thought I'd never have this again," Ben murmured, and I reached up to kiss him, stroking my fingers through his hair.

"I know," I replied, voice catching in my throat. I gave a low groan as his hips rocked a little more firmly against mine, his erection hard and hot against my own, pressed to my stomach. "Oh god, Ben... I need you. Please."

"I love you," he murmured again, shivering as if it brought just as much physical pleasure to say it as what we were doing. He reached to pull open the drawer of my bedside table, grabbing the bottle of lube and pausing with a plastic wrapped condom in his fingers.

I reached to take it from him and tossed it back in the drawer. "Leave it," I murmured, catching his mouth again. "Don't need it if you don't. I want to feel you...."

"Oh god, yes." Ben's kisses were hungrier then, and I shifted to let his slick fingers press between my thighs, pushing against them almost impatiently as he started to work two fingers into me carefully.

"Need you," I gasped, returning trembling kisses, unable to hold back whimpers of pleasure as his fingers twisted in me, working me just so, knowing so well how to make me gasp and squirm. My hands clenched at his back almost desperately, hips bucking up against his fingers, my cock straining, craving more sensation. "More. Jesus, Ben - please..."

"Shhh..." Ben kissed the corner of my mouth, lips moving along my jaw and down my neck, sucking at my throat as he worked another finger into me, pumping slowly into me. "Always going to be here," he murmured. "Make up for all the times I should have been. I promise."

I claimed the lube from where he'd dropped it, watching him as I slicked it over his cock, stroking him slowly. His eyes fluttered closed for a moment before meeting mine, dark and intent. Then he pulled his fingers away, shifting between my thighs as I pulled them up on either side of him, letting my eyes fall closed to savor the sensation as he slowly rocked into me. "Oh god, Ben...."

When I opened my eyes again, Ben looked as overwhelmed as I felt, and I drew him down to me, wrapping my arms around his shoulders and kissing him, slow and deep. The feel of him was exquisite, thick and hard and hot, and I could feel every inch of him press inside me, my body stretching to accommodate the familiar girth. He was shuddering - or I was, or both - and I arched up against him, lost in how good it all was to have him over me and inside me and all around me.

"Love you," I gasped, groaning as he rocked slowly in me, at the drag of his skin against sensitive nerves, the brush of the head of his cock just so inside me as he moved. "God, Ben... so good!"

He gave me a warm smile in agreement, dropping soft, breathless kisses against my mouth as he began to move faster. Each thrust brought a flood of sensation, the feel of his cock moving deep inside me as we moved together with a familiarity born of years of exploring each other's bodies. We connected with a burst of white hot sensation that added to the pleasure of my cock pressed against the firm warmth of his stomach, rubbing against him as coupled. Ben held my gaze with an intensity that I realized he'd always had, that I'd been too afraid to acknowledge, and it made me feel everything more vibrantly than I'd ever thought possible. I returned his gaze, revelling in the intimacy, in sharing emotion that was beyond anything I could put into words.

Ben dropped his head, forehead pressed to mine, his body shuddering, thrusts harder, more erratic. "So perfect," he gasped, and worked a hand between us to stroke me, each thrust driving me into the heat of his fingers. I choked back a cry, clenching around him at the increase in sensation, trying to hold back and savor it, riding the edge of a powerful orgasm. "God, Larry - " his groan was almost helpless, eyes falling closed. "Come on, love. You're so close, let me feel you. Let go, love..."

"Ben - !" I couldn't do anything but give in, bucking up against him with a throaty cry as the sensation and his words pulled me over the edge. I let my head fall back, my body tense and shuddering as waves of pleasure took me, holding him to me, my fingers clenched tight on his skin. Ben's cry echoed mine, choked and overwhelmed, and I felt him spill inside me, hot and slick as he thrust through his climax.

For a long moment we held tight, and I kept my calves pressed tight against his back, loving the feel of him still inside of me as we slowly came down. I always had, needing the extra few moments to prolong our intimacy. Then I realized in a rush of relief and joy that things would never be like that again. There would be no more hiding, no more pretending that we didn't have feelings for each other. No more watching him go back to a wife that only hurt him when what I wanted most was to take that all away. I could do that. He'd be here with me every morning and every night.

Ben was nuzzling my neck, dropping soft kisses along my skin. "You're amazing," he whispered, kissing just under my ear. "Always thought so. God, Lar, thank you for this."

"It is perfect, isn't it?" I mused, nuzzling his hair, letting his words wash over me, warm and beautiful.

"It is," he agreed, pulling back to meet my gaze with a warm smile. The stress and worry I'd gotten so used to seeing in him was gone, and it made me remember suddenly the first time I'd seen him, when we were young and carefree. He brushed his lips against mine tenderly, then eased away, disappearing into my bathroom long enough to return with a warm washcloth. I was all too happy to let him fuss over me, watching him with a little fond smile as he chucked the cloth through the bathroom door and curled up around me. "So... Fiji?"

"If you like." I chuckled softly, leaning in for a warm kiss. "I think anywhere we go we'll end up staying inside a lot for the next little while, if you catch my drift."

Ben gave a low laugh that sounded very appreciative. "Mm, definitely. Hell of a lot of things I want you to do to me...."

His choice of words perked my curiosity, but I didn't question it, certain that he'd reveal more of what he was thinking when he was comfortable. "Sounds perfect. We could even fuck on top of the Eiffel Tower, you know. Just saying."

Ben's laughter was contagious, and he wriggled closer to me. "If you like. God, you know I've never even left the States? I kind of feel like I've suddenly retired with no need for money and the sexiest man alive at my side."

"And we're still young enough to enjoy it," I replied, and gave a soft, pleased hum against his mouth as he kissed me again. It didn't really matter if this was death or life, I decided. This was definitely heaven.

~~~FINISH~~~

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