Why So Serious?

Why So Serious Chapter 4: Don't Wake Channard!



Disclaimer: Don't own Hellraiser, don't own Harry Potter, don't own Warlock (there's a reference in there, see if you can find it), don't own Debra Messing (cuz there's a look she gives in the 'starter wife' and I love using it), don't own Jack Sparrow, don't own Muse, don't own transformers, don't own Rammstein, and do not sue me, I just use those characters. What I do own: Alice and Myra and the plot.



AN: Again, previous AN's apply here, anonymous reviews accepted, good and bad.



People, if you want more details on Alice and Myra go to Zerousy's page (link on profile) and read her story "Open The Gate: A Story on Pinhead's Daughters". Warning people; if you're looking for a lemon, not in this chapter. If you don't like cussing, too bad. Joker not in here too much.





Chapter 4: Don't Wake Channard!



**28 days later**



Alice and Myra sat on the comfortable black leather couch, using all of their concentration for what they were doing. If one of them blinked, it would all be over. The air was thick with so much tension that, if the two girls choose to, they could actually cut it with a butter knife. Ah, the benefits of being half demons and unnaturally gifted was gratifying; but now was not the time for them to care about their almost unlimited powers. If anything, now was the time to see which one could burn the others eyes out through a starring contest.



"Blink," Myra said, scrunching her (currently) black eyes.



Alice shook her head in defiance; her sky blue hair moving with the movement, showing yet again, that she was as stubborn as her twin sister. "No! You blink! I am not having my eyes burned out again." She did not want to be a looser today, even if she won most of the time doing THIS game.



If possible, Myra gave the best Debra Messing look to show her disbelief. "But you burned MY EYES out last time! I had to get the bucket and stick my head in it because you used it on high! It's YOUR turn."



"No," Alice argued, "I don't want to! It hurts! My eyes bleed."



"That's the point," Myra said, wishing she could roll her eyes. If she did though, Alice might blink and she'd miss her chance to do the bleeding eye trick that their good old buddy old pal taught them. "First we bleed each other's eyes out, then we get the bucket if it's THAT bad and stick our heads in it and wait for the blood to fill it up so our bleeding will clog, and then we proceed to go get some ice cream," Myra countered logically. She knew her sister's weaknesses, all too well unfortunately. They were 'special' twins after all. Hell, all Alice had to do was poke her finger and both of them would bleed. All Myra had to do was hit herself over her head (which was often) and Alice would feel it.



Alice's (currently) purple eyes widened in excitement at the mention of sweets; that was the five year old part of her kicking in. "I like ice cream!"



"Yes. I know this," Myra drawled on. "You eat four gallons of cookies and cream AND proceed to eat MY four gallons of chocolate chip cookie dough when I'm not looking. Let's not forget that when we order fifty pizzas to split between the two of us, you try and sneak one of MY pizzas on to your table! Just because we have almost an endless appetite does NOT MEAN you're allowed to eat MY FOOD. JUST BECAUSE©¤" Myra was cut off as the door swung open in the living room.



Fred and George walked through the door carrying boxes of nick-knacks to use in their latest experiments. "WERE'RE BACK!" the twins sang in unison. They set the boxes down and sat on either side of us, Fred grabbing Alice's attention.



Her eyes landed on Fred's face and she smiled widely at her fianc¨¦e. "Damn it," she heard Myra curse. "I was this close!" she muttered. She had a good feeling that her sister was using her fingers to show George how close she was to getting her to blink. Myra was just as sneaky as herself.



"So ladies, what©¤," George began.



"©¤have you been up to?" Fred finished. Both the girls thought it was cute when they finished each other's sentences.



Alice began to tell them about the conversation she and Myra had about one particular memory involving rum. "Well, oh, Myra, did you want to tell them about that one day when hell was literally on earth? You're better at words than I am." Without even bothering to get an answer first she turned around to face Myra, leaned back into Fred's firm chest and looked expectantly at her sister for her to start the story. Every memory was a story to her.



Myra shook her head and chuckled at the look on her sister's face. Typical Alice, always looking for a story when her brain decided to kick into child-like mode. She released a sigh and began the tale of when their father, Pinhead, literally 'let loose' on earth several years back when his soul was separated from his demonic self at the time.



"Well, let me just start by saying that we were bored one day. We were so bored, that when we looked in our cabinets for some alcohol to drink while watching the news, I realized that we had no rum. Yes, rum I say. We love rum. So we went out and looked for a bar¡­"



**Flashback**



"Myra, where's the rum gone?" Alice asked her better half as she proceeded to look through one cabinet after another for the good shit. Fuck beer, they wanted rum!



"Gone?" Myra asked, slightly surprised. "I just bought 30 kegs!" She scratched her head in thought. "Why is the rum always gone?"



Their thoughts clicked simultaneously as the answer came to them and they knew the other knew as well. There was only one reason why the rum would be gone. "Jack Sparrow," they said in unison.



Myra just shook her head. "You know, for a ghost of several hundred years you'd think he'd realize he's dead. It's not like he can drink it."



"Yeah. But I want rum!"



"Easy girl, there's always a bar. I heard about this club though from the guy that I bought the kegs from, mind you he thought I worked at this club called 'The Boiler Room'. That's the only place that stalks up on alcohol like what I was buying. Why don't we go there? Heard it's right down our alley," the better half suggested.



Alice thought about that for a second, her scattered mind trying to remember if she'd missed the club on the way home earlier. "Really? Cuz I didn't see it when I got back from the 7-11 after getting twelve boxes of Twinkies and ding-dongs. The clerk had her eyes popped open when I'd already gone through the first four in like, 2 minutes."



Shaking her head and slapping her hand to her forehead Myra sighed. "I meant it has dark, demonic, and horrifying art as its theme."



The shape of an 'o' formed on Alice's lips. "I like art."



"Yes, I know you do. As do I. Let's go."



Grabbing her keys and two helmets to her white motorcycle, Myra put on her green jacket, grabbed Alice's hand, and proceeded to head out to the garage. When they reached the motorcycle, Alice grabbed her helmet and put it on; Myra mimicked the action as she pressed a button on the remote and the garage door opened. They both got on and as Myra revved the engine, Alice latched her arms around her sister.



It only took several minutes before they reached their destination. When both were off the bike Myra leaned in closely to it and started to whisper to it, almost like it was alive. Scratch that, it IS alive. "Now remember my little decepticon, if ANYONE so much as touches you, you shock the fuck out of them or so help me, I will make sure you don't run AT ALL!" the last words were forceful. How she got her hands on a transformer that obeys her, let alone a Decepticon, no one knows.



As the twins entered into the club, the loud music vibrated throughout their bodies, making smiles creep up on their faces. "Shall we?" Myra asked Alice telepathically, though she knew the answer already.



"LETS DANCE!" her twin replied.



After about two hours of drinking the bar empty of their stock of rum and dancing wildly to the live rock band that was playing, the two just sat down at the bar for a few minutes, not a drop of sweat on them. The slightly chubby bartender came back around to them and asked what they'd like. "I'll have six glasses of Rum, two shots of Jack Daniels, and leave the bottle of Vodka," Myra said, Alice nodding excitedly in agreement.



The bartender's eyes widened dramatically at the order. "Miss, I think that's too much, surely you'd like a beer or something else. You've had five bottles of rum between you and your friend here already."



Alice narrowed her eyes at the stupid human man. She wanted Rum and Vodka NOW. And when she sets her mind on something, she goes through with it; screw everything else going on or that matters. She pulls out $500 and sets it on the bar. "This should cover it, right Barbie?" she questioned, her voice going dark and deep with annoyance. She felt momentarily glad that Myra chose to ignore the insult she'd just given the man and not hit her own head (making Alice feel it) for punishment.



Suddenly the bartender's eyes widened as he looked behind her and a smooth, deep voice came from the same direction. "Come on Clyde; let the ladies have their drinks. I'm sure they can handle themselves." Alice turned around and was met with the most ridiculous hair-do ever, come on, a pompadour. Instantly she wanted to kill it. The face that came with it was another story. The guy had a strong chin, enchanting eyes that seemed to draw whoever looked at them in and lips to die for. The next thing she knew a red rose was in front of her face.



She blinked a couple of times, wondering if this handsome devil was real. "For me?" She asked quietly.



A dashing smile creased his lips. "I only give them to the most beautiful girl in here. And tonight, you're the winner."



The biggest smile landed itself right on Alice's face when she'd heard that he called her beautiful. "Who are you?" she asked in a dreamy voice.



The sound of his voice when he laughed at her question vibrated through her very core. "You don't know?" Her head merely shook 'no' in response. "I'm JP Monroe, owner of the fine little paradise known as 'The Boiler Room'."



"You own it?!" her voice exclaimed. When she turned to ask Myra if she knew anything about it Myra was not seated at the bar any longer; instead, she was on the dance floor with the bottle of Vodka in one hand a glass of Rum in the other looking like she was having a good time. 'Figures she'd take the Vodka and leave me with a man that I can't even touch' she thought gloomily.



When JP's hand rested on hers as he gave her the rose Alice immediately expected to see his body parts ripped everywhere, right in front of everyone. The strange thing was that nothing happened. Nothing at all. 'Weird' she wondered, 'It's almost like what happened to my first boyfriend who somehow DIDN'T die once I claimed his soul'. "Maybe we could talk; I know a private room where it's quieter. Would you join me?" he asked suavely.



Automatically her mind thought hot guy plus me equals a very happy day. So she took his outstretched hand and he led her through the masses of people to a darkened side of the dance room where a door was. Removing a key from his pocket, he slid it into the lock and shoved the door open and led her in. Needless to say, when the door closed they fucked like rabbits.



(AN: told you no lemon, lol)



***



Back where Myra was, she was sitting at the bar, AGAIN, and drinking a White Russian to switch things up a bit. Ah, the taste of alcohol sent her taste buds going. She was definitely getting another one. Alice was right for once, she needed to 'let loose' for once, screw responsibility, this was wonderful. Of course she made sure not to touch anyone because a) she didn't feel like cleaning up body parts when someone died by touching her, b) she didn't feel like claiming souls, c) she was pretty sure that Alice was not going to help clean up willingly, and d) too many witnesses.



So she continued to drink her heart out, or in this case, her responsibility. Several alcoholic beverages and a glass of wine later she was out on the dance floor partying in a very secluded spot in the back bouncing up and down and head banging to the beat of whatever song was going. 'Why the fuck am I so up-tight again?' she pondered. 'You know, Alice was right. I need to 'let loose' more often.' And with that, she drunk, danced and partied. Again, good thing she was only half human, otherwise the alcohol in her blood would have killed her years ago.



With a never ending supply of blood from the victims of the cenobites in hell she couldn't bleed out and die, with an almost endless stomach she could go months without needing to eat if she ate enough and last but not least, neither of them could die because they shared a soul; short explanation, if only 1 dies they will grow back from whatever body part that's leftover (even if it's a hair), if both die, Pinhead sends them back up. So it's a win-win situation. Also, Pinhead hates his daughters enough to send them back up because they annoy the fuck out him.



***



After the sex, which sucked for Alice, standing in his black tank-top shirt she gazed at his art pieces of torment and evil and was reminded of home, not the home she was living in, but in hell. She hated it and she loved it at the same time, for that's where everything about her and Myra began. But that story's for another time.



While she noticed how no piece of art was the same, many of them had pretty much the same theme, death, torment, pain, rage and evil with no limit. That was until her eyes landed on a statue that she'd not noticed before. A very strange statue that gave off a feeling of familiarity to her. 'Why does that thing look familiar??? It looks like¡­fuck; it looks like father without his fucking pins! It even feels like evil¡­OH MY GOD, DID IT JUST OPEN IT'S EYES????? FUCK, it is him! Figures why the bastard didn't get torn to shreds, he's working for dad.'



She didn't know how long she stared at that statue but someone was talking to her and that drew her attention back to JP. "Are you even listening to me you dumb bitch? I said give me back my shirt and get the hell out of here!" he yelled.



"But-but the rose!" Alice started, trying to see what she did wrong, plus she thought he liked her. Disappointment was famous on her personality list and she would at least like to know what happened before she left.



JP wasn't listening though. All he cared about was the sex and as soon as he was done with her he wanted her gone. "I give them to a girl every night and do the same thing. Are you deaf? Give me back my shirt bitch and leave or so help me I will take it from you and kick you out myself!" he threatened.



'WHAT?! Oh, HELL NO!' she thought, giving him an evil look, wondering if her eyes were black with rage yet. She took one more glance at the statue that held her father and noticed that his eyes were staring at her until they closed again quickly. Her gaze returned to JP. "You know what? Everything you own is going to hell, and in less than 48 hours, you're gunna die." With that she grabbed her pants, put them on and left still wearing his shirt. She got Myra and they left the club for the night.



**End Flashback**



"Fred, George, let's just say that two days later, we came back to get shit-faced and one minute we were drinking and dancing, the next everybody there was dead," Myra finished.



Needless to say that both the twins had wide eyes by the end of the tale, actually believing every word of it because they knew the girls were more than they seemed. Suddenly, Fred spoke up. "I want to go to hell!"



Alice turned around and looked him in the eye as if he was crazy. "What? Are you insane?"



"You can't possibly be asking us to die!" Myra stated, her mind automatically assuming the worst. There was no way in hell she was killing her boyfriend and her future brother-in law.



"No! Not like that!" George answered. The girls looked to him now for an explanation. He took out his wand and started playing with it nervously as he prepared to ask his question. "Fred and I were just wondering what it's like down there, you know, since you guys talk about it so much. We just want to visit. Plus, haven't you mentioned that it's been ages since you've been down there?" His eyes traveled to his shoes as he waited for them to answer.



Both of them thought this over quickly. In Myra's opinion, it HAD been a long time since they visited hell. A long while, really. Probably since before they met the boys. Yup, a LONG time. That and she wanted to know what were the chances of her room (both girls have their own room in hell because they're badass) being clean. Not likely. Especially since it was Piston Head's (JP's) and Dreamer's (Terry's) favorite place to shag. Why you ask? Not even they know. Maybe because it's the only clean room in hell. 'God, I hope they didn't fuck in my room AGAIN. I'm sick of cleaning up after them like I do Alice. Well, at least she doesn't bring her men in my room at least, but I still have to clean up her messes when she screws something up.' Ok, it was time to go for a visit.



Alice, on the other hand, had simpler reasons for going to hell now that the idea was put in her head. 'I need to feed chatterbeast. I bet everyone forgot to give him his doggy treats I sent him for Christmas last year! Oh, and I can show Fred my room, I can go say hi to mommy (Angelique), I can bitch at the double-mint sluts (wire-twins) if they even think about touching my man, I can listen to my CD's that CD gave me, I can ask Barbie for some of his special drink mixes¡­.' And so the list went on in her head.



Letting a sigh escape her lips, Myra looked from George to Fred repeatedly as she prepared to give them the rules they had to follow, since yes, they were going to go to hell with her and Alice. "Ok, we'll take you guys with us to hell." Just as Fred and George were about to high-five each other, Myra put her finger up. "THERE ARE RULES FIRST. Don't give me those looks! You know I don't like rules as much as you guys but there is absolutely the NUMBER ONE RULE YOU MUST NOT BREAK, for if you do, we could all die. Well, you could die; Alice and I could just be shred to a million trillion billion pieces and put back together. The number one rule that you MUST OBEY at ALL COSTS is this: DON'T. WAKE. CHANNARD. He does NOT like to be woken up from sleeping. I'm serious; if you wake this guy up he will go 'Sonne' on your ass. If you have no clue what that is, watch Rammstein's Sonne music video. Snow White spanks one of the giant dwarf's! If you still think I'm not being serious, Uncle Channard will wake up, turn into Till Lindemann of Rammstein and become the Gorilla-Terminator and go ape-shit on you! So DO NOT WAKE HIS ASS UP!"



"Yeah, Till has a laser on his eye!" Alice piped up excitedly, her silky blue locks of hair moving as she nodded her head. God, she wanted those goggles that Till had. Again, her mind wandered to random places.



Both Fred and George looked Myra in the eyes and asked the same question at the same time. "Gorilla-Terminator?" they said in unison, turning to each other and back to her for greater detail.



"Don't ask," she waved off, closing one of her eyes as she did so, reminding herself to check and see if her Rammstein CD's are still intact and not dog toys by now. "It's a LONG story. Anyway, are you guys ready now that you know the number one rule?"



Fred reached over to the wooden table and grabbed a box of 'berty bots, every flavor beans' and stuffed them into his pocket. George dug his right hand into the box they'd brought home with them until he retrieved a small wrapped package of what appeared to be taffy, though knowing those two, it was more than just mouthwatering candy. "Aren't there any more 'rules' that you want to tell us 'mum'," Fred snickered playfully.



That was the wrong thing to say, for he received a specialized Myra trademark slap behind the head that felt like a baseball bat instead of a hand. "I'm not your mother! She's a very nice lady and I admire that she can keep seven children in line but I do not like people comparing other people to well, other people! And to answer your question, no, that's just the main one. I'll tell you the rest when we get down there."



George was glad he kept his mouth shut. A flashback appeared in his head from the previous week, for he had been victim to one of Myra's slaps behind the head before, and that was just because he called her 'pretty'. He had no clue as to why the woman could not take a complement but could take an insult like being called 'bitch' proudly. His girlfriend may be weird about complements and insults, but she was amazing as a person none the less. Out of nowhere, George suddenly wondered how they were even going to get to hell. Were they going to commit some form of sacrifice? Crack open a wall that holds a vortex to hell? Slip through space and time? "Myra¡­" his voice whispered. As she got up from her spot on the couch she looked back to George, signaling him to continue with a quirk of her eyebrow and a slight tilt of her head. The feeling of dread started to come over him as he thought of the possibilities of what her answer could be. Granted he liked breaking rules, but if going there had to do with murder¡­. "How are we going to go to hell?"



A very bright smile (which was rare) formed on her lips, as if to mock him and say she knew what he was thinking though he knew she couldn't read minds. She hadn't gotten that power in her many, many years of life. "George isn't it obvious?" she asked politely. The muscles in his neck tensed slightly as he feared the worse and shook his head lightly. A double voiced laugh escaped her throat in response and it made him jump. When she spoke again, her voice was normal. "We're using floo powder."



This time Alice was the one to speak up. "BUT I WANT TO USE THE BROOMSTICK! How come you always get to make the decisions, Myra?"



"First off, a) we can't fly to hell for fuck's sake, second) we broke our other brooms last time we tried and c)©¤"



"Did you just say a, second, and c?"



"Shut up Fred, or I'll have Alice slap you this time!"



"Yeah, shut up Fred! It's always rude to interrupt someone! That's why Myra hits me all the time! OUCH! What was that for?"



"For interrupting Fred, Alice! And you get one too Fred!" Myra smacked both of them over the head twice that received an 'ow' from each of them. When she was done she rubbed the back of her head from the force of the blow she'd given Alice. "Ouch, I forgot to turn the switch off so I wouldn't feel that. Now I know why everyone listens to me all the time," she laughed playfully. "Anyway, as I was saying, lastly, we're using floo powder because it's completely random and I feel like experimenting with the process."



With that she marched over to the fireplace, took her wand out of the pocket of her long white trench coat and cast a fire spell on the fireplace. The other's joined her around the fire as they each grabbed a handful of floo powder. Alice raised her hand and looked at Myra with a pleading look in her eyes. Myra sighed heavily. "Yes, Alice?"



"I want to go first."



"Then be my guest. Do you remember what to say to get there?"



"Uhh¡­.Grandpa's place?"



"Um, no."



"Mr. Penny-head's house of pain?"



"WHO??? Oh, you mean dad. Um, no. That's not what you say."



"House of a cranky cenobite?"



"Are you making this shit up to waste time?" Myra questioned, though surprisingly she was not mad. If anything, she was enjoying this little game.



"Dr. Channard's cenobite's gone wild house of loony untamable random wet bed accidents in Myra's room?"



Both George and Fred gave a disgusted look. "You wet the bed?" George asked her.



She merely rolled her eyes. "No, that would be Alice here. She's referring to the fact that cenobites love to fuck in my bed and NOT CLEAN UP THE FUCKING MESS!!!"



"I do not wet the bed!"



"Yes you do."



"That was ONE TIME!"



"Ok, fine whatever! Let's just hurry up already! And no, that is not what you say."



"Is it©¤"



"SHUT UP or I swear to god, I will take away all your wizard points! It's 'Leviathan's Hell', ok?"



"You can't do that! OK!" Alice said as if she'd been given fifteen cups of caffeine while bouncing up and down. "LEVIATHAN'S HELL," she yelled as she threw the powder in the fire. Right as the fire consumed her, she landed flat on her ass in a dark hallway of hell. Her ass hurt so bad that she heard Myra scream from the other world! "Hmmm¡­imagine that," she thought. A few seconds later she was joined by the other three.



Alice got up off the floor and dusted her butt off. A grey cloud of dust formed around her as she continued to swipe her butt and the process made Myra start to cough, which caught Alice's attention. "Oh! Sorry Myra. I forgot you're allergic to smoke and dust," she apologized. "I got to remember that the next time we come here using that mode of transportation," she whispered quietly so as to not wake up Channard. Her random thoughts went back to the last time they woke up 'uncle' Channard; there were cenobite bodies everywhere. Guess who had to put them back together?



Fred and George looked around the labyrinth and were slightly disappointed, though they knew they should have expected as much. Not all forms of hell have fire. "Ok guys," Alice whispered. "You two go with Myra, she'll show you around. I've got to go talk to my mommy Angelique. Bye!" And with that she stormed off without even hearing Fred's plea for a kiss good-bye.



Myra turned to the twins. "Now remember boys, what's the number one rule?" Myra asked once more, just to make sure they didn't fuck this trip up. Her body was positioned to face them and she had an accusing finger pointed in their direction.



"Don't wake Channard," they said in a quiet, bored tone. "But seriously, can we GO now? We want to sight see!" George requested enthusiastically. She merely chuckled a bit and shook her head a little which made her currently acid green bangs (all her hair on her head was green) fall over her eyes then led them down the nearest hallway while explaining the rest of the rules to them.



***



Alice was wondering down one of the many halls, a slab of meat in her hand ready for when she found her doggy as she went and looked for her mom. It was always her job to feed Chatterbeast a slab of meat; otherwise he'd chew her leg when he saw her. It's not that Chatterbeast didn't like Alice, he loved her. It's just that no one ever feeds him and she's the closest thing to food if she doesn't come with meat for him. Taking another left past Butterball's room, which smelled, she heard familiar chattering, but couldn't guess which of the three it could have been. Was it Chatterer? Chatterbeast? Torso? The sound was coming from her dad's room, so she followed it.



When came to the opening of the small cubical of a room she saw her father, Mr. Pennyhead as she'd currently dubbed him, scolding her precious doggy for something. "How many times do I have to tell you, you stupid beast? My pins are NOT for your amusement! Not only that, you've completely destroyed my knife! It possesses teeth marks now!" Alice did not like how Mr. Pennyhead was treating her dog. So with an ingenious thought that she stole from Myra's brain, and without thinking, she chucked the meat right in Mr. Pennyhead's face, hitting him right in the eye.



"Hey. Bye," she said as she quickly walked away, muttering as she went. "Fucking idiot. Talk to my dog like that? I throw a slab of meat in your face. See how you like that!"



Pinhead looked at the door as he lifted the meat from his eyes. "Was that©¤" he didn't get to finish talking, since a second later Chatterbeast attacked his face.



As Alice walked some more down the hall she was in, she finally made it to the downstairs steps that led to the level where Angelique's room was located. Before she stepped on that first step she made sure to turn off the freaky twin thing and then proceeded to step. Unfortunately, by the second step, she tripped on crack and tumbled all the way down. Yup, good thing she turned it off. Myra would not appreciate a head injury, no matter how fast it healed. When she reached the bottom step she quickly looked around and dusted her pants off before continuing as if nothing happened.



In moments she was standing before Angelique's door and right when she raised her hand to knock the door swung open, revealing Angelique in her cenobite form. Normally she went around in her human form just to be a slut. "Oh, Alice. I thought you were your father."



Alice shrugged. "No. He's too busy getting his face eaten." Without even waiting to be invited inside she strolled in there looking at her mother's room. It was the third biggest room in hell and it was surprisingly furnished with current day items. Then she felt the familiar sharp slap behind her head from getting hit.



"How many times have your sister and I told you not to be rude?" Angelique asked, mimicking Myra's usual stance of having her arms crossed over her chest.



"Uhhhh¡­¡­how long has Myra been my twin?" she asked, completely hating the fact that she couldn't remember how long Myra had been around for. After all, they were one person at first then they split up her soul and made Myra the better half. Even doing simple adding and subtracting was complicated.



Angelique's pitch black eyes rolled up in annoyance, then she shuddered as she had a flashback. "A long time. I'd know, I gave birth to that woman's body after your grandfather Leviathan finally remembered that I'm the only one who can still have a human form and is even able to produce a shell for your other half's soul. I swear, I'm never giving birth again. Hate the experience."



Alice's eyes started to tear up. To her that sounded like she regretted having Myra. "But you love Myra, don't you mommy?" her voice nearly cracked. "She's the good one!"



"Oh! No, of course I love her, though I'm not supposed to. I'm not supposed to love you either but I do. You're both my girls, even though technically neither of you are really mine, but I'm not going to bother confusing you on that. See, you've already forgotten."



"Forgotten what?" Alice asked confused.



"What I just said."



"What'd you say?"



"Nothing dear. Now, what'd you come here for?" Angelique diverted. No need to have Alice in tears over something as superficial as Alice not being her 'real' daughter. Then again, Myra was only her 'blood' daughter because she helped make her body. The soul came from someone who was already alive.



Alice had to think about why she came here in the first place. After about a good five minutes and six packs of red bull later she remembered. "Oh! Mom, I just wanted to tell you about the person on my ceiling in my room."



A quiet sigh escaped Angelique's lips. "Honey, that's Torso. You know this."



"NO! Not him. Someone else."



"What do you mean? No one else is in your room. I would know, I go in there to make sure your dad doesn't come in when you're not around."



A giggle escaped Alice's lips as silly thoughts ran through her head. "He wouldn't want to know what's in there."



"That's why I keep him out. But seriously, there's no one in there but Torso."



Alice got up from her spot on the bed and stood in front of her mother and stomped on her foot for emphasis. "Mom, just hear me out. There's a man in my room, and he looks scared with his blue eyes¡­"



***



Myra was just showing the boys around the hall where their rooms were. All the doors looked the same on the outside with the exception of the different numbers but on the inside, things were different. They arrived at Myra's door, which was labeled '61' and she opened the door. On the inside, it appeared to be like any other room the boys had seen with the exception of the hooks and chains hanging on the ceiling. The walls were green and black alternating in color but the ceiling remained black and appeared to be almost dome-shaped. What appeared to be bars and boards consisted at the top of the room and they looked to be able to support someone to hang from there. "This is my room. Now you've seen it. The one directly across it is Alice's, number '62'. It's a pig sty in there but you'd have to be crazy to go in there."



Just as she finished saying that, the twins raced across the hall and slammed the door open. What was inside shocked them. There were clothes everywhere and in piles about five feet high. And not just any clothes, but all forms of clothing. Men's clothes, women's, boys, girls, and whatever else there could be. From dirty to clean, used to new, torn to perfection, and rainbow socks flooding the floor. Shoes everywhere and possibly had not mate within reach. Garbage, knick knacks, food, CD's, electronics, the band Muse's cardboard cut outs, posters and DVDs. This room made their mothers' house look clean. "Yeah, so this is Alice's pig sty. She's always got©¤ hey! That's my CD!" Myra ran inside the room and fetched her Rammstein CD 'Mutter'. But as she turned around, the twins had disappeared.



***



"Fred, let's try this door."



"Why this door? It probably going to be like all the others. Personal hells."



"But this one has a sign. 'Keep Out, Frank's Hell'."



"Well then, what kind of rebels would we be if we didn't break the rules?" Fred said.



They pushed the door open, took a quick look around and their eyes landed on a skinless man looking at sheets on beds. He was covered in blood and appeared to be moaning. With quickness, they closed the door before they threw up.



"Seriously mate, that was disgusting! We should have followed the rules!" Fred said disgusted.



"Note to self, follow rules in hell."



"Truly," he agreed.



After about a half hour worth of wandering around, they finally came to a door with no number on it. They looked at each other, shrugged, then proceeded to walk inside. There was no warning on the outside so they didn't have any reason to not go in. But when they opened that door, they saw their worst fears. The most horrible thing in the world was happening before their eyes; they saw themselves trying to make people happy and laugh, but they were ignored. No one noticed them and everyone was so grumpy. Then they felt it; the cold hardness of the world. There was no laughter, no joy, and no happiness. Just the cold dark wasteland of stuck up people.



Quickly they shut the door and ran off in a random direction. Soon they found some stairs leading up. They quickly ran up them, jumping two at a time and managed to not fall down. Soon enough, they reached the top of the entire labyrinth and saw the dark crystal in the sky. When the black light that was generated from the object hit them, they saw everything they saw in the room. Seconds, maybe hours passed by until the scene ended and they found themselves by the edge that had a long drop down. "What a dozy," George commented. "Wouldn't want to fall down there Fred."



Fred turned his head to look at George. An evil thought passed through his head but he quickly dismissed it. George's thoughts were the same. But the temptation was too great not to ask. "Wanna jump?" they said together. Both of the laughed at their ridiculous thoughts. Suddenly, a giant box like thing popped out of nowhere. "Whoa¡­" they whispered.



"I wouldn't go in there if I were you," said Myra.



Both of them ran over to Myra and hugged her tightly. They'd never been so glad to see someone remotely normal. "Myra, where were you?" George asked.



"Looking for you two. Come on, let's go."



Just as the three of them turned around, they saw a woman with dark hair, pale skin and she was wearing a blue dress. "Leaving so soon?" the woman asked. Her voice sounded dark and treacherous. In fact, she was a snake in a hen house.



"Go away Julia!" Myra said as she grabbed both the boys' hands and started leading them away.



"Not so fast Snow White."



"I AM NOT A DRUGGIE HO!" Myra yelled, thinking of Rammstein at the moment. "You know what? YOU are a druggie ho! First you want to fuck your husband, then you want to fuck his brother? God that's just disgusting. Then after you backstab Frank, you go with Channard! You are one sick woman." And with that, she pushed Julia into the cenobite maker. In the background, she could hear Fred and George golf clapping. "Oh yeah, that's just nice, you go ahead and clap. Let's GO! We'll talk later about you running off!"



"It was Fred's idea," George argued.



"What!!!" Fred yelped.



Myra hit them both over the back of their heads and proceeded to run off back towards Alice. The twins in tow.



***



"Mom, I don't even know what a chemistry set is," Alice said as she looked at the small suitcase, her hands in her pockets fiddling with one of her knives. The cool blade felt good against her skin.



Angelique unlocked the small suitcase that sat between them and it reviled all sorts of colors (chemicals). "Here, just open it up. See? You can mix all these chemicals and make things!" Angelique said excitedly.



Alice's eyes grew wide at the sight of all the pretty colors, though she had no clue what they were. "COOL! I like that pink color. The pink color is nice. You think my blue-eyed friend would like it?"



One of Angelique's pale white hands rested on a part of her forehead that was covered in skin. "Dear, there's only Torso up there. There is no guy with blue eyes up there."



Alice looked down at her feet in sadness. "Yes there is.." she whispered. "I'm not THAT crazy."



Just then, Myra and the boys came into Angelique's room, and Myra was pissed. Angelique didn't feel like upsetting Myra so she remained quiet while the boys had fear on their faces and Alice continued to examine her new present. A few minutes went by in this manner and then Pinhead, Chatterer, Butterball, Female, JP, and Dreamer into the room. Unfortunately for them, Myra was about to burst.



Myra turned to Pinhead. "You fucking pin faced motherfuck!" Pinhead was about to reply about her insulting him but Myra cut him off. "No! You shut up! You know what? You would have been all good and everything, you would have been a great guy but you JUST HAD TO FIND THE BOX. And you had to know what's inside. Now look at you fucking ugly son of a bitch." She had her finger pointed and let's just say that these guys almost shit their pants. She turned to Butterball with a vengeance. "AND YOU! Worthless. Brainless. Oh my god. Don't even get me started on you, you worthless piece of shit! Who did you kill? Huh? Who did you kill? NO ONE! Why? Because you are FAT and SLOW! You have shit for brains and to tell you the truth, you're not even threatening. You know, if you hadn't of opened the box, you'd be at a fast food restaurant stuffing your fucking face you fat ass!" Then she set her eyes on JP and she became even angrier at the thought of him in her room. "AND YOU OF ALL PEOPLE! Actually, you're more attractive this way because you don't have that fucked up hairdo that you did when you were mortal. What the hell is that thing in your head? What is it??? You know what? You know what? I don't even CARE what it is. And you know what's even more pathetic? You didn't even open the box. But you tried to get your stupid ass girlfriend sucked into the fucking statue and look where it got you. Look where it got you. You know what? I don't even wanna, you know, fuck you. And a side note: STOP FUCKING IN MY ROOM!" Then she turned on Dreamer. "You know what? I have no sympathy for you." Myra made that especially cold. With ice on top. Then she turned to Female. "YOU-oh my god, stupid little whore! You think it's funny? You think it's funny that you were just a sweet little nun that just decided to think 'oh, I think it's a good idea for me to fuck everybody'. You know what? I'm GLAD you opened the box. Now you know how everyone feels. Be just as alone and so cold and empty inside." Her eyes landed on Chatterer. Oh, she'd been dying to say this. "You stupid little KID. What are you, like, 13 when you fucking opened the box? You know what? If you hadn't have opened the box, you MIGHT have had a chance with Alice, you stupid little shit! You know what? Everything I'm about to say relates TO YOU!"



Myra had to take a DEEP breath. "Shit for luck, plus shit for brains with shitty timing added to a shitty day in a shit hole with a shitty mouth when the shit hits the fan and shit out of luck saying oh shit when you gotta take a shit while some shit head yells where's my fucking shit, this is shit man, I can't take this shit, dude that's a piece of shit, and this is some crazy shit, no shit Sherlock, that's a pile of shit, get your shit off my desk because this shit ain't happening and when he thinks he's the shit why don't we go knock the shit out of him when he says holy shit!"



By the end of that rant, Myra was huffing and puffing. And then everybody heard it. That annoying sound coming from the most feared (before this rant) cenobite of all. Channard woke up. Of people to wake him up, MYRA was the one to wake him up after she told EVERYONE, what did she tell them? Don't wake Channard. Unfortunately when he did reach the room, Myra was NOT done ranting. But by now, Alice and the boys had started the fireplace while every cenobite in the room was literally stunned to silence.



Quickly Myra turned to Channard and pointed her finger at him. "AND YOU! YOU ARE ONE UGLY MOTHER©¤" she was cut off as Fred, George and Alice pulled her through the fireplace and landed back in their house. They all landed one by one on the floor on top of each other.



They took a few minutes to get over the fall and Myra relaxing. As Alice looked up over at the table, wondering if there was any food around because god forbid she not be hungry, she noticed something was on the table in the living room.



Standing up and dusting off, Alice walked over to the table and nearly had a heart attack at what she found. A joker card. "Sorry I missed you, see you when the fireworks start. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA."



Author's note: PLEASE REIVEW! If you love the fact that we found a way to include the word 'SHIT' a lot, review. If you hated it, review. If you love it review. If you think I'm a nut case, review. If you think it's a stupid idea that the joker is involved in any Hogwarts activities, review. If you don't like the fact that Alice and Myra are weird and freaky twins, review!!! If you don't like fact we used Rammstein, review! If you don't like the fact that there's so much shit going on, review! If all the above, REVIEW! We worked really, really, really hard on this.