Clutching My Cure

Disclaimer: They belong to Lucas and Watson.

note: A sort one, but hopefully sweet. :)


Chapter Forty-Four


“Left did he?”

Obi-Wan continued to stare at the spot his lover had only moments ago stood. His heart continued to race as fast as it had as he’d watched the scene below unfold. Fingers lightly touched the glass as if seeking some lingering trace of Xanatos’s strong presence.

“Yes.”

“How feel you about that?”

Making a face at the window at the continued prodding, he finally turned to face the ancient Jedi Master. Slanted green eyes twinkled as Yoda waited for a reply.

“I’m surprised, pleasantly so, that he’s allowing me this opportunity. I know how difficult it must be for him to leave knowing I’m here,” Obi-Wan confided as he sat down cross legged on the round seat directly across from the wizened Jedi.

“Love you deeply he must.”

“I believe so.” A rueful smile accompanied the words. “He actually said the words out loud the last time we spoke. That alone is a huge step for him. He’s normally so careful to keep his emotions hidden.”

“Hum,” was the noncommittal response. “Speak of this friendship you’ve formed with young Chun we must.”

A betraying blush flooded Obi-Wan’s face at the direct demand. He hadn’t been aware that Yoda was aware of the physical relationship he and Bruck had engaged in recently. It was disconcerting to even think of speaking openly about it with the Jedi Master, and yet he sensed that Yoda had a genuine reason for asking other than mere voyeurism.

“It started as a way for us to hurt Master Qui-Gon. Xan and I both knew it would upset him to find out that we had debauched his innocent apprentice.” His gaze fell beneath the unblinking stare as he admitted to his bad intentions. “After that it was my attempt to fill the emptiness in my life. Bruck was someone who openly loved and desired me and that appealed to the part of me that has always felt.. inadequate.”

“What if things don’t work out with Xanatos? Seek Bruck out again will, you?”

Obi-Wan shook his head immediately. “No. I’ve discovered recently that I couldn’t use him that way. He deserves someone who loves him the way he wants to be loved. Even if I lose Xan, I can never offer Bruck what he needs.”

Approval shone in the reptilian eyes at his words and filled him with a sense of pride in himself. He had come to some startling revelations in the short time he’d been at the Temple. The meditation Master Yoda had lead him through going a long way to helping him take a step back and view events in his life more clearly. He would never forget the molestation he was subjected to as a child, but he was able now to release the anger and fear he’d felt. Master Yoda had explained that by holding onto those negative emotions, he was in a way allowing the pilot’s abuse to happen over and over again.

Reaching that point had been a milestone. Obi-Wan had felt the knot in the pit of his belly slowly loosen, a nearly overwhelming sense of freedom flooding him.

“Hurt he will be.”

The simple words effectively captured his attention. “I know. But I don’t think it will be as difficult for him now as it would have been a week ago. He seems to have come to some realizations himself in recent days.”

Slanted eyes lit up with interest by both his words and the slight smile that curved his lips. Unwilling to divulge Bruck and Garen’s secret, Obi-Wan was grateful by the sudden opening of the door. The subject of their discussion burst into the room, his tanned features glowing with happiness as he strode forward and pulled Obi-Wan to his feet. Arms wrapped around the smaller man, Bruck buried his face in Obi-Wan’s neck as he rocked him back and forth.

“I can’t believe you really came! I ran into Master Eitan as we disembarked and he told me you’d asked to come for a visit.” Pulling back he cupped his one time lover’s face between his hands, eyes making a thorough survey. “You look different.”

“Oh?” Obi-Wan‘s reply was noncommittal.

“You look more relaxed and.. Happy.”

Obi-Wan turned to meet Yoda’s warm gaze, a look passing between them that spoke highly of the connection they’d made. Bruck suddenly became aware of the Master and blushed ferociously as he offered the diminutive Jedi a deep bow.

“Forgive the intrusion, Master Yoda. I was excited to hear of Obi-Wan’s presence at the Temple and didn’t stop and think.”

Yoda waved the apology aside as he slipped from his cushioned seat and hobbled toward the door. “A breather we both need. Leave the two of you alone I will.”

No sooner had the door slid shut than Obi-Wan found himself drawn close, Bruck’s mouth locking over his. He remained passive in his friend’s embrace, accepting the tongue that slipped between his lips while at the same time refraining from reciprocating. It didn’t take long for Bruck to realize he was alone in the exuberant foreplay and he drew back with a look of confusion.

“What’s the matter?”

Obi-Wan spoke slowly, weighing each word carefully. “I’m trying to prevent you from doing something really stupid. Besides, you seemed to forget about me quick enough once Garen made his feelings known.”

Bruck’s face flushed with shame at the softly spoken admonition. Lifting pale blue eyes that shone with contrition, his fingers gently fingered a lock of Obi-Wan’s hair.

“You’re right and I’m sorry. It’s not that I don’t love you, because I do, more than you will ever know. I guess I just realized that you will never feel about me the way you do DeCrion and it stung. I know everyone is waiting for me to fall apart once you and Xanatos work things out and I’m determined not to be on the receiving end of pitying looks.” A tremulous smile twisted his lips. “And as much as I hate to admit it, Muln is a delicious specimen.”

Bruck visibly relaxed as Obi-Wan began to chuckle, his next words holding a promise. “I am crushed that I can’t be what you need, but I’m learning to accept it.”

“Nothing would make me happier than to see you and Garen together,” Obi-Wan confided. “The two of you go well together.”

“Well I’m not making any promises. I don’t know if I could live with his over inflated ego and annoyingly animalistic sex drive. The man has zero knowledge of what foreplay is.”

Obi-Wan struggled not to burst into laughter at the disgruntled look on Bruck’s face. Biting his lip, he got control of himself before pulling Bruck close for a friendly hug. “I know first hand that you are more than capable of instructing him. Look on it as yet another mission.”

Excitement lit Bruck’s eyes at the challenge, his mind already racing with plans. Linking his arm with Obi-Wan’s he began to guide his friend out of the meditation room.

“So how long are you staying?”

“I’ll be leaving in the morning,” Obi-Wan shared, pausing to offer him a nervous grin. “I know where I belong now. Although that doesn’t mean I’m going to make it easy on him. His allowing me to leave Telos still pisses me off.”

Bruck began to laugh uproariously at the pronouncement. “I can’t say I’m sorry to hear that. Let’s go find Bant and go out for evening meal.”