Caribbean Wind

A/N: Thank you for your reviews! They really made my day.

Beta: My favorite howlong (many tongue!Johnnies for you!)

Disclaimer: Of course I own POTC! You see, Will ran off with his gay crew man from the FD and they now reside somewhere in Australia (they own a sheep farm). Elizabeth found out about it and got a divorce (courtesy of Barbossa); she now lives on the Black Pearl with Jack Sparrow. The Captain. They spend their free time having sex, and having sex. Sometimes they also have sex. Barbossa likes to watch them through a key hole. I told you I totally own this series.
Oh all right... I don't own anything.

Chapter 4

Every Grain of Sand

In the time of my confession, in the hour of my deepest need
When the pool of tears beneath my feet flood every newborn seed
There's a dyin' voice within me reaching out somewhere,
Toiling in the danger and in the morals of despair.

I gaze into the doorway of temptation's angry flame
And every time I pass that way I always hear my name.
Then onward in my journey I come to understand
That every hair is numbered like every grain of sand.

I have gone from rags to riches in the sorrow of the night
In the violence of a summer's dream, in the chill of a wintry light,
In the bitter dance of loneliness fading into space,
In the broken mirror of innocence on each forgotten face.

I hear the ancient footsteps like the motion of the sea
Sometimes I turn, there's someone there, other times it's only me.
I am hanging in the balance of the reality of man

Like every sparrow falling, like every grain of sand.

“Every Grain of Sand”, Bob Dylan

xxx

It was hot. It was very hot, and something pointy was trying to make a hole in his stomach. Jack opened one eye trying to examine the highly uncomfortable situation, and find a proper solution to this improper position. First and foremost - the pointy thing - ah, of course, the first lesson a man should learn was to never go to sleep with a loaded pistol strapped to his belt. Sometimes it was also the last lesson, if not learned properly and by heart. Thankfully his guts were not spilled on the clean sheets. He maneuvered the pistol from under him and then began to try and locate the source of sudden hotness. The sun - of course, well in his memories waking up with the first rays of sun was infinitely more pleasurable than this, he had to admit. If he was ever to sleep here again, he would make damn sure the curtains were drawn closed.

And yet something was still not right. He felt... he felt as if he was being watched, he turned around and his eyes fell on two feet resting on the bed just a few inches from his nose. A most peculiar sight. His eyes wandered up the long and almost completely bare legs, which unfortunately finally vanished under a blanket. He ignored the unnecessary cover and moved his stare up, only to meet a pair of hazel eyes smiling at him.

“Like what you see, love?” Jack growled and Elizabeth rolled her eyes in response.

“Thank you Jack,” she said after a second. “You could have left me there... where I was, but instead you came back to, once again, play my knight in shining armor,” there was a soft smile on her lips, and his throat went dry.

“You'd better don't tell this to anyone or you’ll completely ruin me reputation,” he replied. “You damn well know I would never leave a damsel in distress, that’s just me bloody nature, to help the helpless, etcetera, etcetera,” he shrugged his shoulders. “And I’ve already been to the place where you spent your last weeks. Not a garden party, it isn’t. No worse place to be than your own mind, I’d say.”

“You’re a wise man, Jack,” she said, suddenly growing serious.

“No, I’ve just been here and there, that’s all.”

Elizabeth considered his words for a few moments and then stared into the distance thoughtfully. “I think I just tried to run away, but there was nowhere to run away to... How can you hide from yourself?” She laughed darkly. “Does this make me an awful person? That I yearned to forget? I never wanted to give up.”

“Lizzie, a stronger man would have curled up on that island and died. It’s in human nature to fall apart, but you managed to put yourself back together. A caring soul and mind have to respond to such events like the ones you had to encounter,” Jack answered softly.

“It did not happen to you.”

“My mind has been lost long before this all happened to us, and me soul... well it’s far from being caring or gentle,” there was no treachery nor teasing in his reply, she could tell that he believed in his words wholeheartedly, and she felt a sudden wave of coldness overcoming her body, when she noticed the unusual darkness in his eyes and heard the hollowness in his tone.

“Jack -,” she began softly but he did not let her finish.

“You were left all alone, had to watch people you love, die before your eyes. Grieving does not mean you’re any weaker than me. I was stronger, simply because the only thing I’ve ever cared about was my own life.”

“And I took it from you,” Elizabeth looked down at her hands.

“You did not take it from me. I was stupid enough to make that deal with Davy Jones and simply paid the price for my idiocy. Maybe if the compass...,” his voice trailed off, as he considered something for a second. “But it doesn’t matter anymore, not now when I finally have me heading which will hopefully get me to the thing I want most.”

“That is...?”

“Ah... that we will discuss after a proper breakfast, young lady,” he answered rising up from the bed.

“I’m not hungry,” she complained.

“I'm afraid that’s for me to decide.”

Elizabeth stood up with a sigh, but before she made the first step, she felt dizzy and had to grab hold of the chair for support.

“Are you alright?” Jack asked alarmed.

“Yes... I believe you were right about that breakfast after all.”

“Captain Jack Sparrow,” he answered with a grin. “Come now, then, get back to the bed and let your Jack bring you something to eat. I really am your Captain in Shining Armor, am I not?”

Elizabeth laughed. “Thank you kindly, but I’d prefer to go to the kitchen with you. The sooner I start walking, the sooner I will be able to go back to my ship and see to my duties as the Pirate King.”

“As you wish, m’ liege. Get dressed, I will wait for you right outside this door, so if you need anything, just call me. You know . . . I will gladly help you take off your undergarments.” And with those words he left the room.

xxx

Elizabeth was sitting by the table, observing Jack preparing a meal for them both. It was such an unbelievably domestic picture and yet the pirate could fit right in, with all his braids and rings, and the drunken swagger, he looked as if he was born in a kitchen. And she found herself yearning for this kind of life, with a ship docked just a few steps away from her home, and a man who would be there to share her joys and sorrows. But not just ‘a man’, she realized - this man, and the sudden thought made her panic. Was she not a wife of another? How could she forget about it for even a moment?

A shadow passed through her face. Jack had not mentioned Will’s name, probably afraid she would once again turn into the same babbling mess she had been before, but the unspoken truths laid between them and she knew they would resurface soon. She did not know why Jack had returned to the Cove, she did not dare to ask him, afraid what truths his answer would hold.

And even if she was free from obligations toward her husband, she did not have any rights to this haunted man that danced between the kitchen tables just a few steps from her, playing with knives, probably for her entertainment only. Maybe once, when she had been free of guilt, and he had been free of his demons which had followed his every step since he had come back from the Locker, maybe then they could have had their chance. But they had lost it when the ominous sound of closing irons had announced her betrayal.

And yet he came back to bring her back to life, although she could not understand why.

She did not recall much of the last weeks. She had been aware that Teague had brought her to the Cove from her Island, but that was the last real memory she had of that time. Then there was nothing, only voices and panic, and scenes of the past, the constant sounds of fight, blood on her hands, a sword clashing against a sword, the sickening sound of human flesh torn apart by steel, agonizing cries of dying men. And sometimes she had found herself again on the cliff in Port Royal, corset tightening around her waist, stealing all the air from her lungs, only this time there was no Jack to cut the strings of her cage. She also had dreamt of the time when she had been trying to hide the chest, digging with her bare hands, deeper and deeper just to make sure it would silence the beating sound in her head, to no avail.

The next thing she remembered was his voice, not the words or meanings, just... the soothing music of constant guidance leading her back from the mist of painful memories. And in the end there had been the song; there was clearly some magic to it, and she thought it was the reason she could not recall the lyrics, which at the time had seemed so perfect.

“Where are you, dearie?” Elizabeth heard Jack asking and she looked at his concerned face. She then realized that he had been talking to her for some time now and must have wondered why she had not replied.

“Here, Jack,” she smiled reassuringly, casting her previous pondering away. “I just realized how much I really owe you. You were my guide from my personal hell.”

“Glad I could help. Now, scrambled or fried?”

“Excuse me?”

“Eggs, love. How do you want your eggs?”

“Oh. I - I don’t really know . . . ”

“Scrambled then, me specialty,” he winked at her.

Lizzie laughed and for a second felt Jack’s serious gaze fall upon her. Then he smiled, and started preparing her meal, humming some unknown, marine tune, while she just sat there, watching his swift moves with pleasure. After a moment her eyes began wandering across the room and suddenly she saw they were not alone anymore, for there was Teague Sparrow standing in the shadows. He did not know she had noticed him, and she took the liberty of observing his features, while he watched his own son.

If Jack was a master of hiding his emotions behind a mask of indifference, then his father must have been his teacher. But this time he did not know he was being observed and therefore was not careful enough, letting Elizabeth see the longing in his eyes, and the clear worry about his son’s fate, although she could not yet understand the reasons for this fear.

Suddenly Teague looked precisely at her; she realized then, he had known that she was observing him and yet let her invade his privacy. He bowed at her, touching his hat and then he was gone, disappearing in the shadows only seconds before Jack turned around with two plates in his hands.

“Now, shall we?” he asked, not noticing the distraction on her features, and she smiled hearing his gentlemanly manner of speaking.

They ate in silence. Elizabeth finished her portion first and although she loudly demanded to get more, he refused to give it to her. “Your stomach won’t like it, love. You haven’t eaten much for almost a month now. You need to wait a bit before you can start eating normally.”

Elizabeth scowled at him, but had to agree he was right. She already was beginning to feel a bit queasy and did not want to lose this wonderful breakfast, if only to not prove his point.

“What are you going to do now?” she asked, trying to distract herself.

“I believe that the answer ‘lie down and enjoy my morning’ won’t satisfy you, will it?” he saw her meaningful gaze and continued “Thought not. Well... I’ve got a unique map which shows where a unique place lies and... I really could use a ship with a crew, if you have one to spare.” He said the last part quickly and quietly.

“Another great adventure of Captain Sparrow? But a ship? What about your Pearl, isn’t she good enough?”

“Well... I don’t really know how to put it. I might have lost her,” he looked at his feet and Elizabeth thought his expression reminded her of a boy caught stealing sweets.

“Again?” she could not hide the amusement on her features.

“Yes, again,” he admitted, now annoyed. “And before you ask, yes, it was Barbossa. The bloody, mutinous bastard stole her from me when I was pleasantly distracted by...er... pleasurable company of...,” Jack looked truly lost. “Well, never mind, what’s done is done and can’t be undone, unless we... I mean I meet him when I reach my aim, for I have every reason to believe he desires what I desire and therefore his undesirable persona will appear in the most undesirable moment right where I’m going.”

Elizabeth took a few seconds to process his answer, and then she asked: “So... where are we going? And what is it that you want so much this time, Jack?”

“Ah... I was hoping that you would not ask, really. But it is only fair that I tell you, as you may also benefit from it yourself. Have you ever heard of Aqua de Vida?”

“The Fountain of Youth? Don’t be ridiculous Jack. Such a thing does not exist. It’s just a story for children.”

“It’s as real as the undead pirates or Davy Jones.”

“Insanity”

“Don’t say this to your husband; he might get offended.”

Elizabeth fell silent, and Jack wondered if he had not gone too far, but then he heard her speak. “So I could be immortal?” she asked quietly. “Live forever, have thousands of one days with Will?”

Jack’s stare was serious as he spoke. “You could live forever. With him, if that’s what you want. See everything and do everything. Be free of death.”

She stared at him for a few moments and then said “Alright, we’ll take the Empress and leave tomorrow morning.”

“No.”

“No?”

“No, you will rest for a week, and I will see to it. No sword practicing. No running around trying to perform kingly duties. No studying the Code. Just resting, eating and gathering strength. Then, if you’re strong enough, we will go.”

She considered fighting but realized it would do no good and nodded. “Whatever you say, mother.”

They left the kitchen laughing and went up the stairs and then numerous ladders to Jack’s old room. He left her there, saying he would find a place to sleep so that she would not have to sleep with him, not that he minded anyway. Some part of her wished he would stay, but the reasonable Miss Swann pointed out all of the possible dangers coming from sleeping with Jack Sparrow in one room, let alone one bed.

The moment the door closed behind Jack, Elizabeth found a bucket and threw up half of what she had eaten before. It seemed Jack was right after all. Despite everything, suddenly the comfortable bed seemed incredibly tempting. She laid down and closed her eyes, wondering what distant shores and strange lands were on her horizon this time.

xxx

Jack managed to walk down the corridor only a few steps, before he leaned his back against the wooden wall. He was so weak, so bloody pathetic and weak. How could he find answers when nobody bothered to show him any questions? His life was this pitiful labyrinth of half-truths and nonsense, and in the end every road led to the place he never wished to visit again. He needed wind in his hair and salt upon his lips. He needed freedom, but how could he be free, when his wrist was still shackled to that blasted mast. And then there were the teeth and his screams, and then nothing.

His head began pounding with pain and he wished he had some opium to ease this agony, but he did not dare to go search for it in the city, and his stash was empty. It was a small town, Teague would know about his need before he would even reach for the coins in his pocket.

But those headaches... it had first happened when he had come back from the Locker, and after that every now and then he felt the sudden, irresistible urge to blow his brains out.

The darkness was consuming him, inch after inch, second after second, and with every white flash of this torture he had to restrain himself from crying out loud. Why hadn’t he stayed on the sea, where he felt so peaceful? He had returned to the Cove, against his better judgment, hoping for something he would not have named, hoping to find the girl dancing around the bonfire, the girl he had known years ago. But she had long been dead to the world, and he mourned after her. Her innocent spirit had left this world when she had offered her rosy lips to cover a treachery, when she had found out what exactly she was capable of.

Instead of his girl, he had found this woman with a dark shadow on her face, the mark of death and loss. And with this sorrow in her eyes reflecting the blackness of her soul, she was more beautiful than ever, her power over him even more terrifying.

It would be wise to run away, now, when he had saved her, yet again; he owed her nothing. She would destroy him, if she hadn’t already... But that was beyond his power. He could no more leave her than he could leave the sea. He hated her; oh, he hated her so much for what she had made of him, but he was shackled to her, the irons clasped tight around his heart and soul. And he could breathe no more.

‘It’s not about living forever, Jackie, it’s about living with yourself forever.’ His father’s words stung even more when he understood the truth they held. Suddenly he felt the hot sun of the Locker burning the skin on his cheeks. Madness. Just another word for brilliance, is it not? Or maybe he was fooling himself all along. Maybe he was only insane, barely seeing through the bars of the asylum created by his mind.

The throbbing pain in his head was killing him and he fell to the ground, unable to think. One bullet. It would take only one bullet. “Put yourself out of your misery, Jack,” Barbossa’s tempting voice resounded in his ears. “And then we will feed my sweet little monkey Jack with your stinking meat,” the mutineer laughed loudly, and then the laugh turned into a cry for mercy coming from a hundred throats. There are people there! People - drowning or burning alive on the ship that has already become a flaming torch! And he floated on a barrel of rum, thrown overboard in the midst of the battle. He should be there. He should be dying with them. His hand moved involuntarily to his belt where his pistol hung, his fingers closed around the familiar, cold handle and then for a second he came back to his senses, realizing what he was about to do.

Suddenly a pair of gentle hands lifted him from the ground and he felt he was being led somewhere upstairs. The person put him on the bed and he finally opened his eyes to see who was helping him, trying hard to ignore the feeling of someone splitting his head in half.

“Marta?” his croaking voice was barely above a whisper.

“Yes dear, that’s me. You took care of the girl, now let Marta take care of you,” she touched his forehead. “You’re burning up. What hurts?”

“It’s me head... Opium, please... need.”

“Opium?” she wrinkled her nose, but then saw his face was contorted with pain and did not make any further comment. “I’ll see what I can do.”

“Teague can’t know. Neither the girl.”

Marta hesitated for a second. “He’s your father. No matter what you think, he cares for you.”

“Please.”

“Ah... alright.”

Jack closed his eyes, feeling darkness overcoming him. He was grateful for the escape he found in oblivion.

When he woke up hours later, he felt the sweetness of opium on his tongue and the strange, but pleasant heaviness of his head. It still hurt a bit but it was nothing compared to the previous evening. He was beginning to stand up when the door opened and Marta entered the room, eying him cautiously.

“How are you feeling today?” she asked.

“Better. I... thank you.”

“No need, lad. I used to know you when you were little, running naked around the Cove, and although you probably can’t remember me, I always treated you like a son,” she smiled and then handed a small pack to him. “It’s opium. I didn’t find much but it will be enough for at least two or three times. I reckon it was not the first time you were in such pain, and from what you said last night, it seems you think it will probably not be the last.”

“That’s unfortunately true. But... if there is something you need, I will do it. I owe you... well, maybe even my life.”

She seemed to consider his offer for a few seconds. “Actually, I do have one request.”

“I’ll do whatever you ask.”

“Before you leave, talk to your father. And I’m saying talk, really listen to what he says and let him speak his peace.”

“You ask a lot of me,” Jack shook his head. “But I promised, so I will do it. I wish you’d asked for something simple, though. Jewels, magic trinkets, cursed gold...”

“I’m sorry Jack,” she laughed. “Now, go to your girl, I’ve heard she has been trying to climb up to the highest tower already, and it’s a quite dangerous place these days. She should be resting and instead she will probably need rescuing.”

“I told her to stay in her bloody bed. A stubborn, stubborn girl!” He exclaimed and rushed to leave the room.

Marta watched him go, and as she did, sadness filled her old eyes. How could one man’s soul be tormented so? He’d said a lot in his narcotic induced dreams, and Marta wondered if he would ever find peace in this world. Teague’s firstborn son, some saw in him a dark-haired, heartless devil, but those who made the effort to know him better, could sometimes reach beyond his walls and notice the flawed, suffering man desperately hiding behind them.

She could not fully understand his struggle, but what she knew was enough to explain his agony. Elizabeth Swann-Turner, although recovering from her previous state, was still as out of Jack’s reach as she had been when she had been sleeping. And he could not escape from this woman, not ever, not anymore. For a man who had kept his heart guarded for so long, to experience an emotion so strong was destroying. He would burn and burn until there would be nothing left, except from the grey ashes of nothingness. That was Jack Sparrow’s fate, but there was one person, who could prevent it from happening, only Marta did not know if Elizabeth Swann would find it in herself to offer her heart to a man who pleaded for it silently, too proud to admit his heart had always belonged to her.

xxx

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