More Than Darkness
51
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"Couch, chair or bed?" her asked as he walked into
the house with Aida in his arms. She still didn't really like being carried
like this, but Sands hadn't given her a choice. Not that she seemed up to
arguing with him.
"Bed.
do was keep her head upright on her neck as she propped her temple against his
shoulder. However, it was all she had
the energy to do, so she did it stubbornly.
"Bed it is
then," Sands said with a crooked smile as he carried her up the stairs.
Their household was becoming a very quiet and slightly lonely place now that
the two women spent much of their days sleeping. He remained silent as he
walked until laying her down gently on top of the covers and pulling them out
from under her before tucking her in. "Do you want me to stay?"
"Please."
"Why are you
scared? There's no reason to&quo" he said with a frown as he let himself
be pulled down onto the bed. He laid down beside her, propping his head up on
an elbow to look at her.
"I'm so
weak..."
"Stop that
right now. You are not weak. Not now, not ever. Yre sre strong, vibrant and
beautiful every moment of the day."
"I can't even
stand up without help," she said in a slow, stark voice.
"There are
more than one kind of weakness, spitfire. You're not any of them. I don't want
to hear that word out of your mouth again, savvy? Even if you could barely
blink your eyes you would never be weak. You would be fighting for that blink,
wouldn't you? You're strong. In more ways than one. You're stronger than
me."
"You fight
every day of your life," she whispered.
"If anyone is the fighter, it's you."
"I'm not a
fighter. I'm stubborn. There's a difference."
"Stubborness
isn't always enough and we both know it."
"Fine. I
fight. But that doesn't mean that you don't."
Rather than wasting
time and energy on arguing, Aida sighed...and immediately thought of a topic of
conversation that Sands would hate, but one that had to be dealt with
eventually. For now she put it off, but
she made a mental note to ask him about it later.
"Do you still
want to talk or do you want me to let you sleep?" he asked softly.
"You haven't
said anything about Sheldon appearing yet," she murmured.
"I was going
to ask, but I didn't know if you'd rather sleep. What did you two do?" he
asked softly.
"He played
with your rabbit for awhile, and then we went outside, and then he wanted to go
for a walk and we were going to -"
"-but you
realised that that would probably be a bad idea since I'm effectively the
pariah of the neighborhood," he finished with a frown.
"That
and...Sheldon's not exactly you even if you look alike.
from there on is a little fuzzy."
He whispered a
curse. "I should have been there for you. Why didn't you tell Sheldon to
get me?"
"I didn't want
him to think I was upset with him."
Sands grunted in
frustration and fell on his back onto the bed, scrubbing a hand across his
face. "It doesn't matter if he thinks anything, Aida. He's not real. You
are. You matter more than anyone else."
"If he's not
real, then Jeffrey's not real, and Salida's not real, and I can do anything I
want without consequence," she muttered tiredly.
"No, you
can't," he argued.
"Then he's
just as real as everyone else."
Sands grunted at
that, feeling suddenly as weary as she surely must be feeling just by arguing
about thisuot;uot;I thought you were tired."
"I am."
"Then stop
arguing and get some sleep."
"You're only
saying that because you don't want to discuss this," she accused, her
voice growing hoarse from all the talking she was doing.
"Maybe so. It
doesn't change the fact that you need rest or that you're losing your voice
anyway."
"I'm tired of
you slamming door all all the things you don't want to talk about," she
muttered, picking at the blankets. He
was right about one thing - she was
tired.
"Fine,"
he muttered. "All doors are open. I'll talk about anything you want until
you've either fallen asleep or can't talk anymore. Jeffrey and Sheldon aren't
real. They never have been, nor never will be. But that doesn't mean that they
can't affect the world around them. They obviously can as you've seen.
Therefore, your actions could have consequences sometimes."
"If they can
affect the world around them, then they're real on some level."
"Not any of my
levels," he muttered.
"Fine.
all this?
"Fine. I don't
care what anyone else says. They're voices inside my head. They don't have
bodies but mine. They don't speak except with my voice. They're
"Fine."
"The doors are
still open. This is your nickel. What do you want to talk about? This is your
chance. Your pass, as it were."
"It's not like
you're cooperative even when you say you will be," she muttered under her
breath.
"Oh? Then how
would you have me be? I'm listening. I'm trying my best for you."
"I wouldn't
have you be anything other than completely honest with yourself."
"I'm being
honest," he said with a frown, turning his head on the pillow to look at
her.
about."
"No, you don't
believe me, I can tell it in your voice. Why don't you think I'm being honest.
I was."
"I believe
you," she sighed, not wanting to get into this.
"No you don't.
Now you're just humoring me," he said with a frown.
"Please...I'm
tired, Sands."
"Alright. I'm
sorry. I shouldn't have started an argument with you. Get some rest, spitfire."
He sighed and sat up on the bed so that he could take his shoes off and
everything out of his pockets, remaining silent asdid did so.
Part of her was
glad he didn't push her for more of her opinions, but another was weighed down
by the same opinion that she didn't want to voice; that she thought he was
purposely turning a blind eye to the reality of his predicament.
conversation to have while both parties were fully aware.
"Help me with
my pillows please?" she asked softly, trying to raise herself off the bed
with her good arm while she tried to shift the numerous pillows that had
accumulated behind her so she could sleep, sit up, or recline more easily.
He turned back to
her and stuck his legs under the covers before reaching over to gently help her
sit up. "How do you want me to help?"
"I want to lie
down, but there's too many pillows. And
they're all lumpy."
"Alright."
He reached behind her and began pulling out pillows and tossing them to the
foot of the bed or off the sides until she was left with one. He then took that
single remaining pillow and fluffed it as best he could before placing it back
where she could rest her head on it. "Like that?"
Aida shook her head
and looked at him apologetically.
"I need one more."
He nodded and
grabbed his own pillow and placed it on top of hers after fluffing it like he
had the first. "Better?"
"Yes.
"You're
welcome," he said with a small smile for smiling's sake. "Do you need
anything else?"
"No.
"Alright.
Someone will," he said as he laid down next to her, laying his head on the
bed because he didn't feel like going after one of the pillows he had tossed
away. "I love you, Aida."
"I know.
"Good. Get
some rest, spitfire. Feel better." Something suddenly occurred to him and
he sat up in bed. "Wait, you didn't want me to sleep up here earlier
because you didn't want me to get you sick. Should I go?"
"Just face the
other way. I don't want to be left
alone. Not while I know I'm alone."
Sands sighed. He
didn't want to face the other way. He wanted to hold her close and keep her
safe. But…her health came before his wants. "Ok. I'll stay here with
you." He laid back down and rolled over so that he was looking across the
room to the wall.
Aida snuggled close
to his back, briefly rubbing her nose against his spine.
a deep sigh, trying to relax enough for her mind to slow down.
Sands closed his
eyes upon feeling her move against his back and her hot breath through her
shirt. He tried to relax, but it wasn't easy. He could feel Sheldon moving
about in his head telling him to go downstairs and get Saturninus. That he had
dropped him and that he was ly aly and cold down there. Sands ignored him.
"You're
tense..." Aida murmured.
"It's nothing.
Sheldon's…never mind. I'm fine. Get some rest."
"Sheldon's
what?"
"Forget it. He's
fine. Sleep."
"Alright."
lower chest, her hand reaching for one of his.
He took it after a
moment's hesitation not because he was reluctant to hold her hand but because
his thoughts had been elsewhere and he hadn't noticed. He brought it to his
lips and kissed her knuckles gently before letting it fall back to where it
would be comfortable for her to hold it.
"I love
you," she murmured again.
"I love you
too. Sleep."
&;Yes;Yes,
sir," she muttered.
he said with a sigh. "Or don't.
"Yes,
sir." This time, there was a hint
of a smile on her lips.
"Don't call me
sir," he murmured.
"Yes,
sir."
"Just don't,
Aida. I don't like it." He was quietly serious.
"Not
funny."
"You're not
funny."
"No, I'm
not."
Aida sighed.
"You're the
one who said she was tired. Don't look at me as if I sent you to bed without
supper."
"You don't
know how I'm looking at you?" she smiled, her eyes closed.
"I can guess
well enough."
"My eyes are
closed."
"As they
should be. You're supposed to be sleeping, remember?"
"You're the
one who keeps talking back."
"You're the
one who keeps talking in the first place," he countered.
"See...? There
you did it again."
"I did
not." He frowas has he realized he had just proven her own point. Fine. He
could play the silent act as well as she could
"And
again." Once more Aida smiled
against his back.
He just grunted and
reached down to pull the sheet up over himself. Not that he was cold, but that
being extra warm was nicer.
"I think
grunts count."
"No they
don't." He sighed. "Ok fine. No more talking from me. Sleep. Love
you."
"Love
you."
He kissed her
fingertips but didn't say a word and closed his own eyes.
"Sands?"
"Whatot; "Poetry?" "Now?" "Please? I'll "Alright. What is more That stays one And buzzes What is more In a green More healthful More secret More serene More full of What, but Low murmurer Light hoverer Wreather of Silent Most happy Thee for That glance so "That was "More?" "Do "Not "'To die: to sleep; No more; and by a sleep to say we The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep; To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub; For in that sleep of death what dreams may come When we have shuffled off this mortal coil, Must give us pause: there's the respect That makes calamity of so long life;'" "Hamlet," He nodded. "Mmm...didn't "Why not? The "I read a "Mmm..." He just kept Jeffrey dragged himself out of Aida's embrace and shuffled Salida shrugged, He frowned at her "It got "Yes, I can "How would I "Someone woke "Fuck "I'd say go "Bastard." "Probably. "If you don't "I would but Salida finally "Of course "No shit, "Oh I don't "Then why "Hot air "What is "You're the "Well, "That's all I "Apparently." "Well that's "There's no "Surely. Go Salida ignored him. "Have a nice Meanwhile, Salida Jeffrey's mind on It took Salida a "You're the "I didn't come "We "You started "Now you're "Then why were "Why shouldn't "Because I'm "And you had "Not "Well...a "I didn't love "I wouldn't "Why? What "I woke up, if "Fine. Fuck "Whatever." He frowned at that If he was expecting Jeffrey just stared Inside the house, Salida Jeffrey didn't When she couldn't "You can break She ignored him and --Jeffrey grabbed Salida glared at Jeffrey followed This time she did "Oh, you've "Let...me...go..." "No. You're "I "I expect you "Stop looking "I am looking He didn't understand. "Let me He saw the "Just let me "What are you "Nothing." "Do you "Jeffrey..." "Promise me, "No." "Why "Because I That hurt. Why Without looking He knew exactly It was nearly an After a few more Whether he was "What did you tell "I'm not ready Jeffrey opened his "It's not just "Is there "I don't He nodded. She looked up at "Because I'm "I know. "Then let me say Salida sighed and "Don't worry "I didn't "No, you She didn't argue "Why do you "Because you He frowned at that, "It's not your "I'm not Salida laughed He shrugged. "I doubt you "An hour ago I "But you He just shrugged. "Right." He frowned. "I make you "You don't "Well...I feel "Why do you "Because I can "I do not look "Yes, you "No I "It's a little That only caused All of a sudden, "I wasn't "Not "How was I "Delicately. "That hasn't "But it's not "How do you "Because...well...it "Good enough "But at "That doesn't "Noo..." "Then what's "Well...I He gave a low "I don't "Don't worry "Order "Alright. What "Burger "I don't think "They don't deliver?" "Not that I "Oh...we could "Ok. We could "Alright. "I'm not Salida didn't let "Or we can "You can't "I could try "You wouldn't He sighed. "No...no "I wouldn't "I like it "Why? Not that "It makes me "Good. That's "I love "You're making "Ohhh...but Jeffrey sighed. "But I don't "I don't want She sighed. "We can go "I want a "Then you "I wanna "I wasn't "Okay." "Vixen, if you "Can we bring "If you "And then I "No. You can "Wait...you "Oh. Yeah. He scowled a little "Yes. "What? What's "Yes...I was "Just thinking "I don't want "That's alright. "Alright." "What would "Cheeseburgers? "Anything else?" She shook her head. "Alright. I'll "Okay. He nodded and By the time Jeffrey got back, Salida was freshly out of the If Jeffrey was The food made up Jeffrey just Halfway through her Instead of taking Salida grinned, Jeffrey just smiled She just smiled This time he kissed "Jeffrey?" "Hmm?" he "Why is it "What do you Well...now it's "It would seem "Well...sometimes "Oh. I don't "But...never Jeffrey took the "I already "Alright," "Wait...you're Jeffrey pouted. “See? "What do you "You "You can't "That's "Your point being?" "You have a "Oh yeah? Well "That's why I He sighed. "Life's not "Yeah? Well "I only made "Not a very Salida rolled her When she didn't Salida slipped a His actions began "Jeffrey...not He nodded against Fed up with the "What was "No...don't He nodded, glad "I'll wash my He made a face at Salida whimpered Jeffrey moved a A soft sigh escaped Jeffrey allowed It wasn't until Jeffrey felt her "I don't "I'm "It's not your "I am Salida reached for "I know you "I wish I knew "It's alright. "I'd like one "You were "But I didn't "Then why Transfixed by that "You're "Only for He nodded and gave
help me fall asleep."
'What is more gentle than a wind in summer?
soothing than the pretty hummer
moment in an open flower,
cheerily from bower to bower?
tranquil than a musk-rose blowing
island, far from all men's knowing?
than the leafiness of dales?
than a nest of nightingales?
than Cordelia's countenance?
visions than a high romance?
thee Sleep? Soft closer of our eyes!
of tender lullabies!
around our happy pillows!
poppy buds, and weeping willows!
entangler of a beauty's tresses!
listener! when the morning blesses
enlivening all the cheerful eyes
brightly at the new sun-rise.'"
nice," Aida murmured, sounding ever so much sleepier than she last had.
you..." she yawned, "mind?"
really." He cleared his slightly scratchy throat now and spoke softly. <
<
end
she muttered, also giving the reference.
"The first one was Chaucer."
like him..."
Old English?"
English? I read it in modEnglEnglish and
still couldn't..." - yawn - "stand him."
lot," he murmured as an excuse, rubbing his fingertips along her hand
gently.
rubbing and eventually silence descended and while he wasn't entirely sure if
Aida was asleep or not, it was a safe bet that she was close if she wasn't
already in Morpheus' embrace. He bade her a silent sleep well and settled
himself against her and tried to catch some sleep of his own.
down the hall feeling like run-over shit. His nose felt like it had swelled to
at least twice its size and when he tried to use it to breathe it made an
annoying whistling sound. Fuck this. He was never going to be sick again. It
just wasn't worth it. The fact that he had a headache sharp enough to lose a
finger on didn't help matters any either. Wait, speaking of cuts, what the fuck
had happened to his hand? He pressed at the Band-Aid that covered it and winced
a little as a sharp pain answered his prodding. Whatever. He'd deal with it
later. He continued taking the stairs loudly and heavily until he was greeted
by the sight of his wife. "Did you have a nice rest, vixen?" he asked,
wincing a little as his voice cracked. Clearing his throat didn't seem to help.
but didn't otherwise answer as she kept her eyes glued to whatever mindless
drivel she was watching on the TV.
reaction but didn't really have time to question it as his attention was
immediately drawn to the broken window. "What the fuck happened to the
window?" he asked as he walked up to it and stared hard at the cardboard
covering the broken glass as if willing it to explain itself.
broken," Salida said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world and
she couldn't believe he'd just asked that.
see that. How?" he asked dryly.
know. I wasn't here when it
happened. Go quiz someone who was,
Inspector."
up in a bitchy mood," he muttered. "Don't take it out on me. I didn't
do anything."
you," she hissed under her breath for his remark.
right ahead but I'm afraid you'd bite," he said with a scowl. It seemed
her bad mood was more than catching.
What's your point? You obviously don't seem to mind. Was that supposed to make
me feel bad, vixen? Was I supposed to say oh boo hoo, my own wife thinks I'm a
bastard? Got news for you sweetness, I've been called worse. Even by you. How
about that?" he asked coldly.
like my attitude, then just fuck off."
my hands are cold. Want to help me warm them up? Oh and I love the attitude,
vixen. It suits you."
looked away from the TV. Her eyes were
narrowed; she was pissed. "As it so
happens, no, I don't want to help you.
But then again, I don't suspect that bothers you.
not. Why would anything you said bother me? That would imply I cared." It
wasn't true, but he meant it at the time. He was becoming just as pissed as she
was and he didn't even know what the problem was.
Sherlock. Good thing neither of us are
under that illusion, isn't it?"
know. You seem to be under all kinds of illusions lately. Like the fact that
you think I want to hear you whine and complain about the next new thing in
your oh so miserable existence. I don't."
don't you just stop talking to me? Maybe
by saving all the hot air, it'd warm your hands up."
doesn't really warm your hands up, sweetie, it just gets them moist so that the
cold can come and get them. But hell, this is June. Maybe you're right. You're
so often right about everything now a days, aren't you?"
smartass. You figure it out." He didn't want to fucking argue anymore. It
was too passive. He wanted to break something but he didn't want to break her.
Not yet.
apparently I don't know everything, because it sounds like you're rambling and
talking nonsense to me."
ever do. Didn't you know? Everything I've ever said to you was rambled
nonsense. I didn't mean any of it. Not a word. Honestly, I don't know where my
mind goes sometimes. All those proclamations and beliefs. It was all a fucking
sham. A lie. I'm a very good liar."
if I had meant any of the things I had said, I'd be hurt right now.
unfeeling voice.
too bad. You know how much I like to hurt people. Oh well. Maybe I'll get my
chance later. You never know."
lack of humanity on the face of the earth so no, I don't imagine you'll have a
lack of chances. Now will you leave me alone?"
crazy. Burn the fucking house down for all I care. It's relaxing or so I've
heard. I'll come back to dance around the flames."
life vixen," he said with cheerful bitterness and strode out through the
door with his shoes gathered in one hand and his car keys in another. He made
it all the way to the Porsche and got inside, started the engine, and
then…nothing. He couldn't do it. He couldn't just drive off and leave her. He
was absolutely fucking livid at her right now and yet his hand refused to
release the break so he could drive off into never-never land and e hee her forever.
Her and Aida and hell, maybe he'd get lucky and leave Sands behind as well.
Stranger things had happened. But he couldn't. He banged his hands on the
steering wheel hard enough to bruise later and screamed as loud as he could in
utter rage. It didn't even help a little. Still he couldn't fucking leave her.
He was fucking stuck.
sat inside, totally and completely unconcerned as she watched her show.
she liked it like that.
the other hand was racing. He needed to leave but he fucking couldn't.
Something was holding him back. Once he severed that tie he could leave with
ease. He got out of the car and stalked back into the house, determined to
severe all ties to this fucking place and now. "What the fuck is your
fucking problem?!" he shouted instead upon seeing her again. That wasn't
good. That hadn't been what he had meant to say at all. Control was slipping
wildly as he began to pace rapidly across the room.
moment to respond, but when she did, she laid it all out on the table.
I've decided to stop that. It
unnecessarily complicates things."
didn't care then we wouldn't be having this fucking fight right now and you
would just leave like I tried to."
one that came back to have the argument.
Besides, I paid the down payment on the house.”
back to have a fucking argument. I came back to wonder why we had one in the
first place." Maybe that was true. There was a fair chance that it was.
didn't. You did."
it," he muttered, still pacing. "I just fucking came downstairs and
you were pissed at me."
jumping to conclusions.
you taking it out on me? I hadn't fucking done anything to you."
I have taken it out on you? I'm sure
that same argument has never made you think twice before killing someone."
your fucking husband. Because I won't fucking hurt you." Ah, but he
already had done that. Over and over again.
never hurt any of the other people you killed before you finished them
off. Of course, that was usually done in
short order of meeting them.
Right?"
always…" he murmured, not liking where she was taking this.
majority of them then." As if that
was enough to prove her point, Salida returned to ignoring him.
any of them, Salida. I didn't even care for them. I care for you. And you care
for me too. I know you do. You can't fucking deny it any more than I can."
test that right now," she muttered.
"I'm not exactly in what you would call a cooperative, good, or
even mediocre mood."
happened?" he was picking at still bleeding wounds, but he couldn't seem
to help himself. He wanted to know what had brought all of this on.
it's any of your business."
it. Be irritable. I'll be on the back porch if you decide to care about me
again," he muttered.
but didn't say anything as he walked past her still in bare feet and out onto
the back porch. He then sat and sulked for awhilighlighting cigarette after
cigarette until he had a ring of smoke around his head like a grey rain cloud.
It suited his current disposition.
Salida to come in search of him eventually, all reconciliation, apologies, and
explanations, he was about to be disillusioned.
His wife didn't move from the couch, and she froze her brain any time a
small part of her tried to tell her how bitchy she was being.
out across the lawn and continued to chain smoke. He could feel it tearing up
his already sore throat but he honestly didn't give a damn. He had to do
something with his hands or else he'd end up doing something he thought he just
might regret later. Maybe not; he wasn't one for regrets, but it was possible.
He brooded and smoked and brooded and smoked some more. Then something
decidedly annoying happened. For the first time, he could hear and feel every
single one of the voices that resided within Sands head start yelling and
complaining at once. It was as if someone had stirred an anthill. They sensed
his rage and frustration and seemed to feed off of it. God they were fucking
loud. How could Sands stand this all the fucking time? Having to deal with him,
the brat and bastard was hell enough, but this? This was something fucking
else. It didn't exactly change how he thought about Sands any, but it did make
him think. If only as an attempt to ignore them. They would go away eventually.
started to get hungry. Since it was
painfully obvious that no one else was going to get her anything to eat - which
was completely unfair - she had to make it herself.
audible even on the porch.
care. If she wanted to tear up the fucking kitchen, that wasn't his problem. He
had considered doing it himself on the way out onto the porch. He just sat back
in his chair and smoked and brooded, trying to ignore all the screaming within
his head.
find what she wanted, Salida began to systematically break every dish and glass
she could while she dumped everything else one the ground.
being used - she destroyed it.
everything we own in the fucking house if it makes you feel fucking better."
He called to her, loud enough for her to hear even over the sound of breaking
glass. If she kept it up, he was going to have to go inside and stop her. He
didn't want to have to do that. He wanted to stay out here.
moved into the dining room. Vases full
of flowers went flying, the table cloth got ripped down the center, pictures
got knocked off the walls. Just as she was
considering how to best demolish the overhead light -
her by the shoulder and spun her around to face him. "You're going to stop
this right fucking now. I don't care if your hormones are raging on overdrive.
You're acting like a fucking spoiled brat and I'm putting a stop to it. You can
fucking hate me all you want, scream at me, even beat the shit out of me, I
don't care. You're done."
him for a long, tense few seconds, then she jerked herself free and went into
the living room, continuing her path of destruction.
after her and grabbed her wrists tightly while trying not to hurt her, forcing
them down to her sides. "What part of you're
done did you not understand?"
more than glare...she spit at his feet.
fucking turned part camel now. Lovely. You're still fucking done." He
didn't let go.
she hissed, trying to jerk her hands free without any of the concern he was
currently showing her.
acting like a fucking child. I refuse to let you fucking tear up everything we
own just because you're throwing a hissy fit."
to act like the fucking grown woman that you are."
at the body, Jeffrey, and look at me.
at you, Salida. I don't fucking care what you say. You're grown up enough to
clothe and feed yourself, to find a fucking house, to pay the fucking bills,
you're a grown woman."
and pressure she was feeling right now.
Just because she had the knowledge didn't mean that she was prepared to
use it.
go," she whispered again, pulling half-heartedly at her hands.
weariness pass through her eyes at his comment and asked her about it.
"Why do you think you're a child? Do you want me to treat you like a
child? Send you to your room? Give you a fucking time-out? I will if you don't
stop this."
go."
going to do if I do?"
promise? No more breaking everything in your path?"
Salida. And promise me that you'll talk to me about this. About what happened.
I don't understand. I don't want to upset you. I don't like it. Help me
understand and I'll let you go."
not?"
don't want to. Just let me go.
didn't she want to make this better? All he wanted to know was what had happened.
That's all. And she wasn't even willing to do that. "Fine," he
murmured; releasing her.
back, Salida went upstairs, managing to hold in her frustration until she got
to their bedroom and had closed the door behind her.
she started to tear the room apart. The
thumps were audible from downstairs.
what she was doing up there but what could he do? She obviously didn't care
about what he said any longer or how he felt. He had asked. He had wanted to
understand. How hard was it to just explain what he had done? He must have
fucking done something or else it wouldn't be like this now. But for the life
of him he couldn't figure out what that something was and she wasn't going to
tell him. So he left her to her destruction, trying with all his might not to
care. It had been so easy once upon a time to not care about anything; to let
the world pass by in a wave of apathy. It wasn't like that now. He cared and
some days it felt like it was killing him. This was definitely one of those
fucking days. He sat down on the couch and stared at the blank television
screen and wished he was in a mood enough to just go somewhere for awhile.
Somewhere else. But he stayed seated on the couch, barely moving at all.
hour later when Salida quietly made her way down the stairs.
her husband sat, and took a seat next to him.
She didn't say a thing. She
merely sat and stared at the same blank TV screen that he did, keeping up the
silence he'd iatedated.
minutes he couldn't stand it anymore. He didn't really like silence, which was
unfortunate. He liked the solitude, but not the silence that went with it. He
never had. And he especially didn't like silences like this one; oppressing and
awkward. He spoke up softly, still staring at the blank television. "I'm
sorry. I don't mean to start fights. I should have found out what was wrong
before going off on you." He paused and frowned. "Fuck. I shouldn't
have gone off on you at all."
right or wrong about that, Salida was careful not to voice an opinion about it
at all. Instead she whispered, "I
did tell you. You refused to believe me."
me? I'll believe you now. Or…I'll try." He wished he could give promises,
but with such a general statement as the one she made, he wouldn't be honest
with her if he promised to believe something he couldn't necessarily agree
with.
to be a mother," she breathed, crawling across the couch until she could
comfort herself with his nearness.
"I'm too young."
mouth to respond with the automatic, "no you're not," but forced
himself to think about it. She wasn't as old as he was. How old was she?
know what to say. What could you say to that? 'Oh, I'm sorry I got you knocked up but I thought you said you couldn't
get pregnant.' Yeah, that would go over well. The problem was, he couldn't
think of anything any better or anything at all that wouldn't launch them into
another fight. "I don't know what to say," he said softly. He
couldn't say he was sorry because he would never truly be sorry for the
opportunity to have children with her.
that..." she murmured, utterly miserable.
"Sometimes I just can't...I can't...master...my emotions.
anything I can do to help?" he asked after a few more minutes of helpless
silence. He didn't want her to be miserable but he didn't know how to help her.
He could try his best to make her happy, but if her own body was working
against her, then what help could he possibly give?
know. If I don't even know what I can do
to help myself, I certainly don't have a clue about what I can tell you to
do."
seemed a trite and glib thing to say so he kept his mouth shut.
him piously. "Why aren't you holding
me?"
an idiot," he said self-depreciatingly before moving to wrap his arms
around her. He hugged her tightly for almost a half of minute before relaxing
the tension in his arms and leaning his head against hers gently. "I love
you, Salida," he whispered.
you remind me."
it again. I love you very much, Salida. Every bit of you. Every part, every
expression, every word out of your mouth and every mood. All in one. All for
me. I love it all."
closed her eyes. "I'm sorry I was
such a bitch earlier, but I really wasn't upset with you.
about it. It's fucking forgotten. I'm sorry I walked out on you," he said
softly. "I shouldn't have. It won't happen again."
mind. But then again, I was being an
ass."
weren't. You were upset. That's a far cry from being an ass, vixen."
since she doubted that he would change her mind.
loyal."
say that?" he asked curiously.
won't even let me bad talk myself."
not understanding. "But it wasn't your fault."
either, so why should you suffer?"
suffering."
dryly. "Is that something you could
promise me without lying?"
"I don't think I'm suffering, so yeah."
were thinking that an hour ago."
was to pissed off to be suffering," he said with a shrug.
"Not because of you," he assured.
"Why do you think you make me suffer? You don't."
miserable at times. I still remember everything
we said earlier."
make me miserable. You…make me think over things sometimes, but not
miserable," he stubbornly insisted.
like I make you miserable."
feel like that? You don't," he insisted.
see your face after some of the things I say.
Personally, I think it looks like a kicked puppy."
like that."
do."
don't," he said with a petulant frown.
bit more miserable than the one on your face now."
his frown to deepen. "Fine. Whatever. I'm not miserable or whatever now so
don't worry about it."
Salida smiled. "You're treating me
like normal."
before?" Jeffrey asked with a confused furrowing of his brow.
really. Not since the other day."
treating you then?"
changed. I don't like arguing with you. And I like treating you as if you
should be cherished sometimes. I don't know, it's like I'm supposed to or
something. It's my job."
normal," she pouted. "I like
normal."
know it's not normal?" he asked, smiling a little at her pout before
moving a little closer to her but still able to see her face if he angled his
head just so.
isn't." She now looked confused.
for me," he said after a moment of mild amusement. "I'll try my best,
vixen," he said, leaning down to kiss her cheek gently.
first...we didn't argue at first."
mean anything, vixen. We're not arguing now, are we?" he held her even
closer, wanting to be near her.
the problem? I don't see one."
guess there isn't one...except I'm hungry."
chuckle at that. "Did you leave anything intact in the kitchen?" he
asked lightly, trying his best to make light of the situation rather than
remind her of what had happened. He hoped she would take it the way he had
meant it.
know..." She blushed.
about it. Breaking things can be fun," he said with a smirk before
continuing on, "You have three options then. We can go out, I can go out
and get you something while you stay here, or we can order in."
in?"
would you like?"
King?"
they deliver, but I'll go get you some if that's really what you want."
know of, no. Burger King doesn't seem like the kind of place that delivers to
me, vixen. More of a drive up kind of place. They don't come to you, you go to
them." He frowned in thought. "You know, there aren't a whole lot of
restaurants that do deliver."
get food and go to a park," she suggested hopefully.
do that. In a minute," he said, not wanting to get up from holding her
quite yet. He also didn't know where he had left his shoes, and that could
constitute a problem.
trying to starve you or anything. I just don't want to get up yet," he
said with a slow sigh, wrapping his arms around her tightly for a brief moment
before letting his grip go slack. "Alright, I guess we can go. I think I
left my shoes in the Porsche."
go of him.
stay for a little while longer. I'm for that idea too," he said with a
short laugh when he found he couldn't move. "This is better anyway."
He leaned his head against hers gently and closed his eyes, breathing in her
scent and letting her presence envelop him.
hold me while you drive," she murmured.
really hard," he responded in turn. "I'm stubborn. I could make it
work."
be able to see," she pointed out, "and your legs would fall
asleep."
"Maybe we should just stay here for a little while then because I don't
want to let go just yet."
letting go." She wasn't about to
fall asleep, but she was very content with where she was.
dream of it, vixen," he said softly, raising his head a little so that he
could kiss her forehead gently, but still not opening his eyes yet.
when you kiss my forehead."
I don't like it too, that's why I do it, I was just curious." He kissed it
gently again, letting his lips linger on her skin for a brief second before
pressing his head against hers again.
feel safe. It's soothing.
how I want it to make you feel," he said with a small smile, opening his
eyes slowly to look at her. "I love you, Salida," he said softly.
you."
it difficult for me to want to leave, you know," he said with a soft laugh
and a sigh.
I'm hungry."
t;Tht;Then let's go."
want to get up."
you to either, but to get food you have to."
whenever you want. If you want to stay here awhile I will more than agree to
that. If you want to get food, then we'll go."
picnic."
shall have a picnic. But that means you have to let me go so that I can get up
and go get your picnic."
come."
going to leave you here, vixen. Not coming was not an option."
don't move then you don't get your picnic and you stay hungry," he
reminded her gently.
a blanket so we can lay in the grass?"
like."
won't have to move?"
stay laying with me until the stars come out and the night passes if that's
what you want."
left a note...earlier."
Sands and kitty went to the hospital. She's sick or something. I don't
know."
leave. I mean, maybe we should picnic in
the back yard."
at that, but nodded. "Do you still want Burger King though? We can go get
some and bring it back I guess."
wrong? Do you want me to go and get it?"
just thinking..."
what, vixen?" he asked with a frown beginning to border on frustrated.
to go."
I can go. I don't mind."
wanted a shower. And she wanted to
shower alone.
you like from Burger King? I've never eaten there before."
be back in a little while, vixen," he said and extracted himself from her
grip as best as he could while being gentle.
kissed her on the forehead again before making his way out through the door and
into the Porsche. His shoes weren't there, but he figured it didn't matter if
he didn't have them. That's what drive-ups were for, weren't they? Well, that's
what he was going to be using it for in any case. He did his best not to speed;
not wanting to get pulled over, but a desire to get back to his wife's arms
quickened his movements.
shower and setting up a blanket outside.
Luckily it was the middle of the week and all the neighbors were at
work. Or at least she assumed they were.
upset about the fact that she had showered while he was gone he didn't comment
on it. He merely laid down fln hin his back on the blanket she had been about
to pick up and spread out again and stared up at her with a mildly playful look
on his face before offering the bag of food up to her.
for whatever complaints she might have.
Salida took it and plopped down on the blanket at his side, ripping into
a burger.
smirked at little, content at his well-timed bribe, and crossed his arms
beneath his head and glanced over at her with a bemused smile on his face. He
had gotten enough to feed whoever wanted to eat-or so he thought-and was
content to wait while his wife had her fill.
second sandwich, Salida picked up a french fry and wordlessly offered it to
him.
it from her with his hand, he moved over and gabbed ahold of it between his
teeth and ate it out of her hand.
delighted for some reason, and offered up another fry, giggling when it
disappeared in the same way.
up at her after he had finished off the second fry, happy that she was happy.
"I like to hear you laugh again, vixen."
shyly and held out yet another fry.
her fingertips and as much of her hand as he could reach before taking the fry
from her.
she asked as she kept playing their game.
murmured as he chewed and swallowed a fry.
safe to play sometimes and not at others?"
mean?"
safe to play, right?"
so, why?"
you don't want to play."
know. I'm moody," he offered as an explanation. It wasn't a very good one,
granted, but he didn't know what else to tell her.
mind." She offered a fry.
fry but continued on after he had swallowed. "No, what did you want to
say? Tell me, vixen."
know the answer. I don't need to ask
anymore."
he said after a moment before leaning over to lick the salt slowly from her
fingers before she could grab another french fry.
sick." She made a face as she
rubbed her fingers on the blanket.
"No licking."
"Oh come on. I don't feel sick. And I haven't coughed in a while, have
I?" Unfortunately, fate or whoever thought it would be amusing to send him
into a coughing fit at that moment and he rolled away from her and coughed into
his hand, cursing this cold and those responsible with every fiber of his being
before turning back to her a moment later looking both irritated and a touch
miserable at the same time.
the cold germs on them.
mean 'see'? There's nothing
coughed!"
prove it," he muttered.
ridiculous."
cold," she grumped. "And you
can't prove that you don't."
having a cold fucking sucks," he muttered irritably.
don't want one."
"I'm not trying to give you one. It's just…I wanted to…this is fucking
unfair," he pouted, laying back on the blanket and glaring up at the sky
as if cursing the clouds for his illness.
fair," she said soberly, squeaking when he lunged at her.
fuck that. So I have a cold. That just means you have to do things a little
differently if you don't want to catch it. That doesn't mean I'm going to give
up all of my fun," he promised as he pinned her to the blanket, but
gently, allowing her movement if she really wanted to get up. It wouldn't be
half as fun if she was controlled quite yet.
an observation," she said innocently.
good one from my point of view," he murmured as he leaned down to kiss the
side of her neck gently. He was going slow, giving her time to lead things if
she so desired. He only wanted to be close to her again. If that included more,
all the better. If not, then he would survive.
head toward her shoulder, almost brushing him away, but she didn't stiffen up
and she didn't make any kind of verbal protest.
As long as he kept going slow, she'd probably allow him to get as far as
second base before she balked.
protest, he kept kissing her, but didn't fully allow himself to relax in case
she changed her mind and wanted him to stop suddenly. It would be easier to do
that if he didn't put all of his concentration into kissing her. Of course,
this all sounded good in his head. In reality, as soon as he felt her warm skin
beneath his lips, the beating of her pulse against his mouth, it went to hell.
He went slowly though, kissing a line down the column of her throat and across
her collarbone to the other side of her neck and up again.
hand free while she twisted the other to twine her fingers with his.
stroked the soft skin there as he continued his ministrations.
to speed up a little; he couldn't help it. Her very presence quickened his
breath and heated his blood. A hand moved up her side slowly, but no higher
than her rounded stomach-not yet-while he kissed along the underside of her
jaw.
too far," she breathed apologetically.
The last thing she wanted him to do was to stop now, but she also felt
that he deserved fair warning.
her and moved his hand down to entwine his fingers in hers. If she were holding
on, then he wouldn't be tempted to take things further. It wasn't so bad
really. He liked holding her hand. He began kissing across the plain of her
face everywhere he could reach save her lips. He kissed her nose, her cheeks,
her chin, her forehead, but avoided her slightly pouted lips as if unaware they
were even there.
aimlessness of his kisses, Salida turned her head, and briefly, their lips
brushed against each other. It was a
random kiss, but so gentle and sweet that it made her insides turn to romantic
jelly.
that?" he asked after the kiss. "You sighed. Do you want me to
stop?"
stop," she murmured, her lips following his.
that wasn't what she had wanted. He had been about to throw himself into the
kiss wholeheartedly when he stopped. "You don't want my cold,
remember?" he reminded her with a sigh. "That's why I wasn't kissing
you on the lips," he muttered, deflating a little.
mouth out with soap afterwards," she promised.
that and looked her over to judge how serious she was being. When he had
decided she truly did want him to kiss her despite the consequences, he did so
without further hesitation.
softly, but did nothing else. Her body
was relaxed on the blanket and under her husband's, and her mouth obediently
responded to his.
knee between her legs so that he could move closer to her and slowly deepened
the kiss once she had given him permission. He had missed this; the
intoxicating taste of her that nothing on earth could match. He longed to touch
her, but he kept his free hand in hers, knowing that if he did now he wouldn't
be able to stop when she wanted him to.
Salida as she slowly pressed her tongue into her husbands mouth.
once again allowing him to take control.
himself a little moan in response to let her know just how much he appreciated
what she was doing for him. Because as much as she might be handing the control
of things over to him, she could stop him with a word. That's all it would
take. He kept kissing her, tracing the contours of her mouth with his tongue as
if it were for the first time as his hand squeezed hers.
Salida's eyes slowly opened mid-kiss that they reached trouble.
hovering over her, blocking everything else, made something inside her cramp in
fear, and the rest of her body responded accordingly, tensing even though she
was enjoying herself.
tense and immediately pulled away as if her skin had turned to fire and he had
just suffered contact burns. "What? What is it? What's wrong?" he
asked with a worried frown.
know. I think I got claustrophobic there
for a minute." Salida rubbed her
face with hands that were suddenly trembling with shock.
sorry," he said, moving up and off of her to sit upright at her side to
give her some breathing room. "I didn't mean to."
fault. I don't even know why it
happened. I'm not claustrophobic."
sometimes," he murmured with a slight shrug. "I don't know why."
him, distressed at the thought that her irrational and misplaced fear had
somehow hurt him. "I was enjoying
myself. I want to enjoy myself."
were. I'm not mad at you, vixen. You have all the control in how far we take
things. I don't want to make you uncomfortable," he said, not moving away
from her touch.
why I did that," she sighed.
"I don't like it when I do
things without explanation."
I don't need an explanation," he told her softly, giving her a small
smile.
though."
probably just reminded about….what happened," he said with a frown,
looking away from her. "I don't blame you for wanting to stop."
want to stop."
did-sorry. It doesn't matter." He turned back to her and gave her a small
smile, bringing her hand up in his to his lips to kiss her knuckles gently. He
held their hands enjoined for a minute just below his mouth, looking deep into
her eyes as if to see into her very soul. "I love you, Salida," he
said suddenly, not moving his intense gaze away from hers.
gaze, Salida found she couldn't answer.
All she could do was stay still and allow him to look his fill.
beautiful," he said with a short exhalation of breath. He didn't know how
she had managed to grab him so effectively just then, only that he couldn't
seem to look away. Not that he would ever want to. He finally needed to blink
however, and he did so reluctantly, breaking the spell.
you."
her a smile. "I'm glad. I like having you all to myself while it
lasts." He immediately wished he hadn't said the last part, not wanting to
spoil the mood.
long enough. It always does."
He nodded and
leaned towards her slowly. He didn't attempt to kiss her again; he just wanted
to be as close to her as she would let him be at the moment. He didn't really
know why he kept feeling this way, only that the feeling was strong and not
easily ignored.
Salida wrapped her
arms around him, tugging and turning at the same time.
on her, half on the blanket while her head was pillowed on his shoulder.
she got to bask and relax all at once.
He just smiled a
little and enjoyed her presence. He still didn't like laying around in the sun
like she did, but he liked being with her, and that was pleasure enough.
"See? Nice
picnic," she murmured, nuzzling his neck with the tip of her nose.
"Nice enough
for me," he agreed, enjoying the feeling of her resting against him while
being held at the same time.>
>
"I think...I
think we're going to be alright."
"I hope
so," he responded in turn, resting his chin on the top of her head and
tilting it slightly so that his cheek was pressed against her hair.
"We arpan
pan
style='mso-spacerun:yes'> We just need to take it one day at a
time."
"Whatever it
takes, wife mine," he vowed softly.
"See?
attitude?"
"We
won't," he answered her.
"I -"
Sands blinked up at
the blue sky that was definitely not his bedroom ceiling and frowned before
interrupting whatever it was that Salida had been about to say. "You're going
to have to wait, sunrise because I need to go check on spitfire," he said,
managing to sound this side of sorry without having to try too hard.
Jeffrey scowled and
cursed at Sands' inopportune timing.
"Aida is sick
so shut the fuck up, Jeffrey," Sands said through gritted teeth. "You
get your precious time with sunrise once I know she's ok."
"Jeffrey,
stop," Salida said quietly.
"You’d want him to do the same if it were me."
Jeffrey sighed, his
anger fading at her quiet insistence. "I'll be back as soon as I can.
Enjoy your sun," he said with a small smile as Sands moved away from her
and stood up on the grass.
"I'll be
here." Now that the blanket was
empty, Salida stretched out to her full length like a cat and happily closed
her eyes.
Jeffrey sighed a
little in longing to see her relax, but Sands was already walking away before
he could look at her any longer. Jeffrey frowned but didn't say anything to
him, only silently willing that he hurry the fuck up so that he could get back
to his wife.
Sands ignored him
for the time being, his entire focus centered on Aida. He entered the kitchen,
only half noticing the path of destruction Salida had leftd ded deciding that
he'd worry about it later. He stepped around broken glasses and dishes
carefully however, not wanting to step on something sharp since he wasn't
wearing any shoes. Once he had traversed the likely battlefield successfully,
he climbed the stairs and made his way into his bedroom to check on Aida.
The room was hot,
almost stifling without the AC on, and Aida had an unhappy look on her face. At
some point in time, she must have added another pillow to the two already
behind her. Now she was half-propped up,
but still sound asleep, heat and all.
Sands moved to turn
the AC on, but set it on low, not wanting her to get too cold. He then walked
over to the side of the bed and kissed her gently on the forehead as to not
wake her up. He then just stood at the side of the bed and watched her for
awhile, ignoring Jeffrey's impatient pacing in the back of his head. He would
not be rushed in spending time with his wife anymore than Jeffrey would.
Aida shifted
restlessly as if she sensed he was near, and the slight frown on her face
deepened, but she didn't wake up.
When it was clear
that she wasn't going to wake up, Sands sighed a little, kissed her again, and
left the bedroom as silently as he had entered it so that Jeffrey might have a
chance to spend time with sunrise for awhile since he couldn't really spend
time with spitfire. He just hoped that little bit of sympathy would go a long
way. He wanted to check again on her later.
"You'll get
your chance,t; Jt; Jeffrey spoke up as they descended the stairs. "Kitty's
sick and I guess I can understand the extenuating circumstances," he said
with a quick shrug. "You can check on her later. Now, go away. Let me be
with my wife."
Sands snorted at
Jeffrey's impatience but left as he had wanted. He would be back to check on
Aida soon.
When Aida woke up, it felt as if her throat was on fire and
her wrist hurt like hell. Not only that,
but she was cold, and Sands was nowhere to be seen.
Since she'd never
been one to sit around and wait for others to help her, Aida managed to get out
of bed. Slipping on a pair of slippers,
she wobbled her way downstairs. The
sight that met her was enough to make her sit down in shock - the living room
had been destroyed, and she could see more mess spilling from the kitchen.
indiscriminately. Aida began to pick up
the pieces of the nearest one, only gathering a few before tears started
slipping down her cheeks. too much. She couldn't deal with this
right now.
Sands had just been
about to go upstairs and check on her when he heard her moving about in the
living room and followed his ears. When he came to her he saw that she was
crying, guessed the reason why, and immediately went to her. "I'm sorry,
spitfire. But they're not all gone. Just a few. And I'd get you a hundred more
if it would make you feel better."
"That's...that's
not it," she whispered, trying to control the sobs that were beg to to be
let loose.
"Then what is
it? What's wrong? Please tell me, Aida. I don't want you to cry," he said
with a sad frown.
I don't want to
clean, and my throat hurts, and...and..."
Despite her best effort, the sobs came out anyway, tearing at her
already sore throat.
just long enough for a second of pure panic before moving in to hold her, not
knowing what else to do. "You don't have to clean anything. I'll do it.
I'll go and get you something for your throat if we don't have anything here.
Please don't cry, Aida."
The desperation in
his voice helped her regain control, although the price of that control was a
seriously bad case of hiccups. After
each little explosion, she'd moan in pain.
"What do I do?
Will a glass of water help?" Sands asked, already standing up to get her
one.
"Did-"
*hic* "-you get-" *hic* "-my per-" *hic*
"-scription?"
He nodded.
"Will that help?" he asked this side of frantically. He hated not
knowing what to do. It made him feel weak and useless. He needed to know what
to do.
"I'm
sup-" *hic* "-posed to take it every-" *hic* "-six
hours."
"Ok."
That was something he could do. He moved into the kitchen, somehow avoiding the
broken glass despite his haste, and returned with a wine glass filled with
water-he couldn't find a whole cup nor a mug-and the bottle of pills he had set
on the kitchen table. He handed her the water and opened the pill bottle and
tapped out the dosage into her palm.
Aida swallowed them
very carefully, then leaned back into the couch.
"I'll check.
I'll be right back." He was more careful this time, but somehow managed to
step on a piece of broken glass anyway. He didn't know if it had broken the
skin or not, but it stung enough that he cursed loudly. He returned a few
minutes later with a slight limp and a pair of different cans of pop in his hands.
"Take your pick."
Aida took the can
of 7-Up. "Thank you."
"You're
welcome," he said with a frown at her continued hiccups before shifting
his weight off of his injured food. "Is their anything else I can get
you?"
Aida shook her head,
then handed over the can. She couldn't
open it.
He opened it for
her and handed it back before taking a seat on the couch next to her and
inspecting the bottom of his foot. More
of my blood spilt today. Lovely.
"What did you
say?" Aida asked weakly.
"I didn't say
anything," he said, putting down his foot.
"Yes, you
did. Did you hurt yourself?"
"I stepped on
a piece of broken glass in the kitchen. It's nothing. It doesn't even
hurt."
"If you'll get
stuff to clean it with, I'll clean it.
Or you could carry me into the bathroom and I could take care of it
there."
"I'll go get
what I need. You just sit there and enjoy your pop," he said with a smile,
kissing her cheek in passing and moving into the bathroom to get what he
needed, still limping slightly. Fuck, he lied. It hurt like a son of a bitch.
He returned a moment later and sat on the couch next to her, his arms laden
with medical supplies.
Aida took the
handiwipes from him first, pulling his leg up into her lap before she gently
wiped the cut, keeping a sharp eye for glass while she was at it.
she could tell that there was no glass left in the cut.
and wrapped it around his foot several times before taping it securely in
place.
"There,"
she whispered, freeing him.
"Do I get a
lollipop or something now?" he asked with a bemused grin as he looked down
at his now cleaned and wrapped foot.
"Sorry.
"Aw, too bad.
Because I really wanted something sweet in my mouth," he teased gently. He
would have kissed her then to finish up the innuendo, but he figured she
probably was neither up to it nor in the mood right now.
Wordlessly, Aida
started to hand him her drink, then thought better of it and pulled it back
towards her.
"Do you know
what happened?" she asked as an alternative.
"No idea. But
I figure that it wasn't Jeffrey who did it. I'd probably have a few more cuts
if it was."
"Good thing
none of the flatware was expensive," she sighed, closing her eyes and
leaning her head back on the couch.
"Yeah,"
he said absently, turning towards her and leaning the side of his head against
the couch as she was. "Is there anything I can do for you?" he asked
softly.
"I'm
bored. But the house is a mess and
that's going to drive me crazy. What if
one of the cats hurts itself on all this glass?"
"I'll clean it
up and the cats are smarter than that, spitfire."
"Not if they
were playing and just happened to race through the room, never realizing the
risk they were putting their little paws .&qu."
mouth.
"I said I'd
clean it up, Aida. You're obsessing over something that you don't even need to
worry about. Are you going to stop worrying about it or am I going to have to
keep my hand here a little while longer?" he moved his hand away so she
could answer, but prepared to move it back again depending on her answer.
"But they
could have -"
He cut her off by
putting his hand back. "Could have doesn't exist anymore because it didn't
happen and even if had, you couldn't have prevented it. You need to stop
worrying about this. Everything will be alright."
Aida sighed and
rubbed her eyes. "Fine.
them to the vet if they need it."
"Alright,"
he said, letting his hand fall back to his lap.
The antibiotics
made Aida sleepy, and as she sat there on the couch with her eyes closed, she
started to drift off.
"Would you
rather be in bed?" he asked softly, trying to make his voice as
noninvasive as he could while he watched her start to fall asleep.
She shook her
head. "Wanna stay with you."
"Then you
will," Sands said with a gentle smile that she could see and moving in closer
to her so that his forehead nearly touched her cheek.
"I hate being
on so many meds," she complained between several yawns.
and now this one. And none of them do
anything for my arm."
"I'm sorry. I
could get you some ice if you want. I wish I could do more," he said with
a frown.
"No.
I'm already cold."
"Do you want
me to get you a blanket?"
"Ok, I'll be
right back." His first thought had been to go and get the blanket Jeffrey
and sunrise had been using, but he figured sunrise was still out there so he
climbed the stairs, trying not to wince as the action pained his foot, and
grabbed a blanket from the foot of their bed and returned downstairs with it in
hand.
to lie down on the couch.
"It's no big
deal. It's just a blanket," he murmured with a shrug as he spread the
blanket over her. He then looked a little lost as to what to do next before
deciding to lift her covered feet and sit down on the couch before laying her
feet down on his lap again. He then leaned back against the couch and turned
his head to look at her again.
"What are you
lookin' at?" she asked with a small smile.
"Haven't you ever seen a sick woman before?"
"Actually no,
but that's not what I'm looking at."
"What are you
looking at then?"
"Just
you," he said with a small smile of his own.
"Well you
should stop. I look like crap."
"No you don't.
You're as beautiful to me now as you were the first day I met you, Aida,"
he said seriously. "Why would I want to stop looking at you?"
"Because my
eyes are all red and puffy from crying, what hair I have left is patchy, I'm
paler than a boneyard, and have next to nothing left on my bones."
"You're still
beautiful. Exquisite even."
"Bah."
"You can
any less true."
"You need to
have your eyes examined if that's what you see."
by his loyalty.
"Now it's my
turn to say bah. My eyes are just fine, thank you. I think your perceptions are
off."
"I think
you're seeing me through rose-colored glasses."
"What did I
just tell you? I don't need glasses. Let alone rose-colored ones."
"Fine.
managing to be optimistic."
"Bah,"
Sands murmured.
"No,
really."
"I still say
bah."
Aida just kicked
him gently in the stomach.
"Hey now, no
kicking spitfire. It's not nice," he said with a smirk. "Fine. I'm being
optimistic," he admitted grudgingly.
"And you sound
so happy about it."
"I just bet I
do," he murmured stubbornly. He didn't bother to stop and think of why it
was so hard to admit that he was being optimistic, he just let the reaction
alone.
"You said I
was supposed to help you start being optimistic."
"When? I don't
recall having ever said that before."
"The first
week we knew each other. You said I had
to help you because you didn't think I could beat the cancer."
"Oh," he
said with a furrowing of his brow. "Fine. Yea for optimism," he said
dryly. He then sighed. "Sorry."
"Why aren't
you happy about it?"
"I don't
know," he said with a sigh. "I've never been an optimist. I've never
wanted to be one. Optimists are always disappointed in the end."
"Sands...that's
the exact opposite of what you were just saying about my appearance.
be disappointed?"
"No…," he
said slowly, now a little confused by his own reactions. "I'll expect it.
I'll be happy. I won't be disappointed."
"Then you have
nothing to be afraid of."
"I'm
not," he said with a frown.
Aida gave up and
fell silent.
"I'm still
sorry. I…I don't know. I guess…I taught myself not to be optimistic. That
doesn't mean I don't think you'll get better though. I do."
"Well...at
least I'm making a dent."
"I
guess," he said softly.
Several minutes
passed in silence. Eventually she
sighed, "I'm tired."
"Then sleep,
spitfire. "I'll sit right here beside you if that's what you want."
"But the
mess..."
"You sleep and
I'll clean it up. When I'm finished I'll come back."
"Alright."
He slowly extracted
himself out from under her and walked over to her side so that he could kiss
her forehead. "Sleep, my beautiful brave spitfire."
"Mmm..."
He smiled at her
response and made his way into the kitchen to survey the mess Salida had left.
There were broken dishes everywhere and he was now cautious as to where he
stepped. It probably would have just been easier to put on a pair of shoes but
he didn't feel like having to search for them. He sighed and began to search
for a broom. He figured that they must have one somewhere, now all he had to do
was find it. After a few minutes of searching, he finally located a broom and a
dustpan in a hall closet he hadn't even known existed before now. It was also
filled with other cleaning solutions. He quirked an eyebrow at that and took
what he needed and began cleaning up.
About halfway
through the job, Salida sauntered into the house.
she'd made, she walked into the kitchen and retrieved a banana.
wordlessly watched Sands as he cleaned and she started to eat.
"I just wanted
to say thanks for the mess," Sands addressed her with sarcastic sweetness.
"I'm sure it was a load of fun."
"No, actually
I don't think it was. I don't think I
felt much of anything as I was doing it."
"Is that
supposed to make it better or worse?"
"It makes it a
fact. I really don't care about the
mess."
Sands rolled his
eyes at that and kept cleaning. "So you would rather I just left it
then?"
"I don't
care. However, something tells me that I
can't say the same for your...lovely wife.
I doubt you'd be cleaning otherwise."
Sands narrowed his
eyes at that. "Fuck you if you want to live in a fucking sty. I
don't," he muttered.
"Whatever."
"How about we
go back to ignoring each other? We get along ever so much better that
way," he muttered.
"Oh, I don't
know about that. We've had talks
before. Ones that remained civil for...a
good length of time."
"Well this one
obviously didn't."
"I wouldn't
call this a conversation." Salida
dropped her peel on the floor.
He scowled at her
action. "Would it be so fucking difficult to pick up after your own shit?
How the fuck do you expect to manage to take care of your fucking children if
you can't even pick up after yourself?"
Salida paled
dramatically at this unexpected attack.
Sands hesitated for
a moment at that. "I'm just saying," he murmured.
"You're
right...I knew this was a bad idea. Why
doesn't Jeffrey believe me...?"
Salida slid off the table and vaguely wandered towards the stairs.
doing...?" Without throwing another
glance over her shoulder, Salida went upstairs and out of sight.
Sands watched her
go with a feeling of impending doom settling heavily upon his shoulders.
"Ah fuck. What did I just do?" he asked himself with a deep frown. He
thought a minute about what he had said to her and paled a little himself when
he figured it out. "He's going to kill me," he murmured. "What
to do, what to do?" Jeffrey hadn't shown up yet, but Sands knew that once he
did, their blood would be spilheirheir fights gave fighting with yourself a
whole new meaning. "Fuck. Maybe if I just went up and talked to her?"
No, that wouldn't help. Not from him, and definitely not right now.
"Talk to
who?" Jeffrey asked with a slightly slurred voice of one who had just
woken up.
"Uh, Aida. I
was going to talk to her but she was asleep. I'll have to do it later,"
Sands said quickly.
"Whatever.
Where's vixen?"
"Upstairs."
"Fine."
Jeffrey took a step in that direction and winced as it sent a twinge of pain
through his bandaged foot. He looked down on it and guessed where Sands had
gotten it and saw that there was nothing more to do to it so he continued on.
Salida hadn't even
made it to the bed or a chair before she had collapsed, not only under the
feelings of impending disaster that her pregnancy was currently inspiring, but
out of guilt. The first thing she'd seen
when she'd entered her room was her cat in the middle of the floor...teeth
pulling uselessly at a sliver of glass.
Without hesitation or consideration for the prickly cat's punishing
claws, Salida had scooped the feline up and removed the glass herself, tears
running down her face from the guilt of having passively injured the one life
she was responsible for, not from the pain of the scratches the bled freely on
her right arm. Now all she could do was
lean against the wall and gaze sightlessly down at the cat in her lap.
Jeffrey entered the
room and immediately everything stopped. His eyes went to his wife's form in the
middle of the floor with her cat in her arms and just stared, not knowing what
to do. "Vixen? What is it? What's wrong?" he asked in a small voice,
fearing her answer. He had only been gone for a little while. What the fuck had
happened since then?
"I can't do
it. I can't be a mother.
children?"
"Yes, you
can," he said, moving across the room to her and taking care to not bring
her notice at his slight limp from the apparent cut on his own foot. It
wouldn't help matters at the moment. "No one can protect everyone and
everything all the time, Salida. It's not fair, it's not right, but it's true.
It's the way things are. If it wasn't that way, we wouldn't need fucking doctors
or police or prisons or whatever."
"But I caused
the situation that hurt my pet. An
animal who depends on me for everything...especially safety."
"I'm not
saying you don't have to be careful sometimes, but it still wasn't your fault.
You couldn't control where your cat went or what she did anymore than I could
have."
"But I put
everyone in this house in danger!"
"So have I.
More than once, Salida."
"What are we
doing?" she asked in a harsh whisper, looking at her injured pet.
"We are having
children just like millions of others in this fucking country. And I am
thinking that you will be a good mother. Despite all that you may say to the
contrary."
"Sands doesn't
agree with you."
"What?"
Jeffrey asked with a frown. "What do you mean? What did he say to
you?"
"He asked me
how the fuck I'm expecting to care for my children if I can't even pick up
after myself. He tried to take it back,
but I know he meant it. If he can see
how unsuitable I am, then I must be right.
Right?"
"I'm going to
fucking kill him," Jeffrey murmured under his breath. "Fuck Sands. He
doesn't know you. I do. You're wrong. You're going to do just fine. We'll have
our problems, but that's normal. We'll deal with them."
"And when I
fail, history repeats itself."
"You're not
going to fucking fail. And what do you mean, 'history repeats itself?'"
"Sands'
parents failed him. Look at how they
ended up."
"We're not
Sands' fucking parents. We're not going to be like them. You don't ever have to
worry about that."
Salida merely
laughed. The sound was edged with muted
hysteria and bitterness.
"Why do you
laugh? It's not true. You're not like Sands' fucking mother. You care."
"And I show it
oh so well, don't I? A regular Martha
Stewart, aren't I?"
"No one
expects you to be Martha fucking Stewart. I'd much rather have you. And if you
didn't care then you wouldn't be worrying about this like you are."
"I care
because I don't want to see the look on your face when I hurt one of our
children," she murmured. "I
think that would break my heart."
"You're not
going to hurt one of our children," he said with a frown. "Why are
you so convinced that you will?"
"Do you see my
pet?"
"Yes, and I
see that she has a cut paw. That doesn't answer my question."
"That's my
fault!"
"I set you
off. Or at least, I didn't stop you. It's my fault too. And yet, I'm still not
worried about you hurting our children. Why are you? Why are you really? What
happened today is just a convenient excuse."
"No it's
not. I was starting to believe you were
right. And then Sands told me what my
heart believes, and then I found Des trying...trying to pull the piece of glass
out with her teeth..."
"But that
doesn't change anything!" His voice was beginning to sound a little
desperate now. "Sands doesn't know what he's talking about. He doesn't
know you and he doesn't know what you're going through. He just said whatever
he did to be a fucking asshole. And Des is fine. It's just a small cut, Salida.
It's hardly even bleeding anymore. It probably wont even scar."
"Since when is
a scar criteria for what hurts and what doesn't?
other ways?"
"But it's just
a cut. A small cut at that. It doesn't mean anything. She's fine. She'll be
fine. It doesn't mean that you intentionally set out to hurt her. You didn't.
It doesn't mean that you will hurt her again either. You don't know that you
will or that you won't. You can't know one way or another. You can only be here
if and when something like this does happen. It's not your fault, Salida. It's
no one's fault."
"It is my
fault. I'm the one who made the
mess. I'm the one who didn't clean it
up."
"Would you
have cleaned it up had you known what was going to happen to Des?"
"I...I think
so. But it never even occurred to me
that anything could be so stupid as to walk through all that broken
glass."
"Would you
clean up something like that now knowing that she could be hurt again?"
"Y-yes..."
"Then what are
you still worried about? We both know now to clean up something like this if it
happens."
"But there's a
thousand different things that could hurt a child before we - I - learn to
clean it up."
"Then we've
just got to be a little fucking proactive. That's all. What do you think they
make all those fucking baby books for? The babies? They make them for parents
like I who don't have the first clue what to do with a child."
Salida just shook
her head. "I need to think about
all this."
Jeffrey deflated at
that a little. He had been so sure that he was getting through to her.
"Alright. I guess you've got time. Do you want me to take Des to the
vet?"
"I don't think
it's that serious. I'll keep an eye on
her."
Jeffrey nodded.
"I guess…I'll go downstairs and finish what Sands started."
this to me and Salida.
"Alright..."
Salida whispered.
He sighed. "I
love you, Salida. You…think."
She nodded, and
returned her gaze to the cat.
He looked at her a
little sadly but didn't say anything else as he walked out of the bedroom.
"Sands? Wake the fuck up you nosy bastard,"
Jeffrey seethed as he paced back and forth on the back porch angrily.
"If I do, what
are you going to do to me?" Sands asked cautiously. He gasped in pain as
Jeffrey took a hold of his pinky and ring fingers and wrenched them painfully.
The bones didn't quite break, but they sure as hell bent really well. "Let
go of me!" Sands gasped. "I didn't fucking do anything to her! I just
wanted her to fucking help me clean up!"
Jeffrey just
twisted the fingers harder, grunting under the pain. "It wasn't your
fucking business. You shouldn't have said anything. Now you're going to fucking
pay." Before Sands could ask what that meant, Jeffrey forcibly walked into
the house, his every manner and gesture lined with barely restrained fury. He
grabbed one of their knives in his left while letting go of Sands' hand
briefly. He then stalked into the downstairs bathroom and locked the door
behind him so that they wouldn't be disturbed.
Aida was woken up
by the slamming of the bathroom door.
For a moment she didn't move, but then she forced herself off the couch
and weaved her way to the bathroom.
"Sands?"
she called out in her raspy voice.
"Are you alright?"
Whatever Sands
might have said was cut off by Jeffrey's growled response to her. "This
isn't your fucking business, kitty. Leave." He then turned his attention
back to Sands. "I am going to make you fucking pay for everything you've
done to hurt my wife. It's a long list; this may take a fucking while." He
drew a stinging bloody line down the inside of Sands' forearm with the knife.
It was deep and bled like a son of a bitch. "That was for what you said today.
Oh and if we pass out from blood loss I'll consider my job half over."
Sands yelled.
"You fucking bastard! Give me the fucking knife!" Sands fought to get
the knife from Jeffrey, but with the new cut along the inside of his arm and
his sprained fingers, this was difficult. Which was probably what Jeffrey had
been intending all along.
"I thought you
liked pain? You'll be in sheer ecstasy by the time I'm through with you,"
Jeffrey hissed.
Aida backed away
from the door, not quite believing what she was hearing.
emergency key she knew was above the doorjamb somewhere.
Sands moaned painpain as Jeffrey drew another cut along his collarbone for some offense or
another. Something having to do with bastard, he thought. He had stopped
listening beyond the third and fourth cuts. "Stop this. I didn't mean to
say it. It's not my fault." He held Jeffrey's attacks off as best he
could, but more often that not he just ended up with cuts that Jeffrey hadn't
intended by grabbing the knife at odd angles.
Jeffrey didn't
stop.
It took several
long, clumsy seconds for Aida to find the key, and even longer moments of
fearful expectation before she finally managed to unlock the door, but unlock
it she did. On limbs that felt a bit
like jelly, Aida opened the door, gasping at the sight that met her.
"I thought I
told you to leave?" Jeffrey grunted from his place on the floor. They
hadn't quite made it to the passing out stage and thereby half finished yet,
but there were a nice array of black spots lining the edge of his vision at the
moment. And the pain…well, let's just say they were in a great deal and leave
it at that.
"Oh my
god..." she whispered, practically falling into the medicine cabinet in
her haste to get gauze. Lots of
gauze. "You're going to kill
yourself one of these days, and that's certainly not fair to Salida and
I," she reprimanded the man as she roughly wrapped the cotton around the
cut in their arm.
Jeffrey and Sands
both let out a little moan of pain at her rough actions. "I know where
most of the major blood vessels and arteries are. I was careful," he
gasped out.
"You weren't
careful. You were a bastard."
"No, Sands was
the bastard," Jeffrey hissed. "He shouldn't have said that."
spanspan>"I fucking
told you I didn't mean it," Sands murmured.
"Do you even
think about your wife before you do things like this?" Aida asked, the
pleasantness of her voice ringing false.
"No. He just
thinks about fucking revenge. Like I do," Sands muttered, leaning his head
back against the wall.
Aida ignored her
husband for the moment and waited for Jeffrey to answer her.
"I thought
about her," Jeffrey said with a frown. "With each fucking cut I
thought about her."
"Right.
consider her feelings, because no
woman likes seeing her man hurt like this.
And if she's smart, she'll give you hell for doing it."
and then collarbone and chest after she'd unbuttoned their shirt.
"Stop for a
minute, Aida, please," Sands gasped, his mind reeling under the mixture of
bloodloss and the added pain she was causing.
"Fuck,"
Jeffrey muttered, and braced his hand against the ground as if he felt like he
needed to steady himself from falling over. Perhaps he did.
At her husband's
plea, Aida remembered that it wasn't just Jeffrey that she was punishing, and
she stopped immediately.
Sands began to take
deeper breaths in order to try and fight off the dizziness he was feeling.
Unfortunately, this just sent him into a dry coughing fit that left him feeling
worse. "You bastard," Sands gasped to Jeffrey.
Jeffrey didn't
reply.
Aida slowly got up,
slowly filled a cup - that was miraculously unbroken - with water, and slowly
sank back down to give to her husband.
"Here...this should help."
Sands took a
careful sip before going to into a coughing fit and banging his head against
the wall behind him. He then moaned in pain and shut his eyes tightly to ward
off the pain that had suddenly overtaken him. "Oh…fuck. My head
hurts," he moaned again, and Jeffrey pressed the heel of his hand to his
forehead in attempt to ward off the impending headache himself.
"You have to
stop that," Aida scolded, her voice barely audible any more.
me."
"He's not
supposed to be taking care of anyone but himself, bitch," a voice hissed
at her.
Sands and Jeffrey
both blinked at that and would have looked at each other in confusion had such
a thing been possible.
"And he
doesn't need your help. He doesn't need anyone's help," the voice
continued.
"Sands?"
Aida asked uncertainly, starting to inch back from the men.
"Wasn't
me," he murmured, his face paling.
"Well it
wasn't fucking me either," Jeffrey said with a frown.
"You don't
have to say anything to her, boys. She doesn't really care about either of you.
I do," the voice said firmly.
"Ok, this is
starting to freak me out," Jeffrey muttered.
"And who are
you?" This was a really bad time
for this to be happening; Aida was having a hard time even hearing herself.
"Valencia,"
she said with a glare in Aida's direction.
Neither Sands nor
Jeffrey had anything to say to that.
"Oh..."
"Hold the fuck
up. Who the fuck are you?" Jeffrey addressed her incredulously, his
mingled horror overriding the pain they were currently in.
"Oh, don't be
scared, honey. I'm not going to hurt you. Or Sands. And I'm not going to let
either of you hurt each other anymore either. You need to stop fighting. It's
her and that other one's fault. They put too much stress on the both of
you."
"This is
fucked up," Sands murmured.
"At least
we're in agreement that they need to stop..." Aida offered, her mind
spinning. Or was it the room?
"I wasn't
talking to you. Kindly shut your trap and leave us alone," Valencia
muttered, not even looking towards Aida when she said it.
"Don't talk to
her that way." It was Sands' turn to glare now. "I don't know who you
are, or where the fuck you came from, but you don't get to talk to her like
that."
"Oh my Sandsy,
don't be mad at me. I only want what's best for you," Valencia said
kindly. "She's not good for you. Can't you see that?"
"Of
course...of course I'm good for him."
"Only the
truly ignorant would make such a claim. He worries about you when he should be
worrying about himself. When he should be taking care of himself. The other
one's the same way."
"What 'other
one'? You better not be talking about vixen that way," Jeffrey growled.
"You shouldn't
worry about her, hon. And the way you two fight it's a wonder you haven't
killed her by now. Not that I would blame you if you did."
"I'm not the
one that causes stress," Aida panted as she used the counter to pull
herself up. "It's you..."
"How dare you
accuse him of anything? Or me? I have done nothing but look after them both.
What have you done?" Valencia hissed. "You let them do this to each
other." Shed upd up her bloodied and gauze-wrapped arms weakly.
"Again."
"So did
you."
Valencia sent her
such a hate-filled look that Sands stepped in fearing that … she … might launch
herself at Aida. "Look…Valencia…can you leave me and Jeffrey alone for a
little while? All this arguing is making my head hurt. And you know I'm
sick…" he tried to sound miserable so she would feel sorry for him and
leave. He didn't have to try very hard.
"Oh I'm sorry,
Sandsy. Of course I will. I'll be back later to check on you both, alright?
Don't let her tell you what to do. She's not good for you." With that,
left, leaving Sands and Jeffrey both reeling in her wake.
"Well that…was
different," was all Jeffrey had to say for the moment.
"No
shit," Sands muttered.
"And she hates
me. What else is new?"
onto the counter with a white-knuckled hand.
Sands saw that she
was about to fall and made his way to her as quickly as he could without
falling down himself.
"We have to
stop meeting like this," Aida murmured as they managed to help each other
to the couch.
"I don't
disagree," he gasped, sinking into the couch and trying very hard to keep
still so that the movement wouldn't pull at his cuts.
"Ok, who the
fuck was that and what is she doing
in your head?" Jeffrey asked with an angry frown.
"You're asking
me? What the fuck are you doing in my
head. I don't have any answers for you," Sands responded wearily.
Aida just kept
quiet, refraining from asking why all the people in his head seemed to hate
her.
"Jeffrey, just
leave me alone. Please. This is all a little much right now." Sands
sounded just miserable enough that Jeffrey considered it.
"Fine. But
we're going to have a conversation about this. About her later."
"Fine. Just
give me a little peace for a while," Sands murmured, and sighed when
Jeffrey had left, sinking deep into the couch and closing his eyes. "I'm
sorry, Aida. I don't know what happened."
"I guess that
makes two of us then."
"I made some
stupid comment to sunrise about kids earlier that sent her off in a huff. I
guess Jeffrey took offense," he said dryly. "I don't…I mean…" He
took a breath and attempted to clear his thoughts. "I have no fucking idea
about the rest."
"Don't worry
about it. We'll deal with it together."
but she didn't want to leave her husband uncomforted.
though. We both do."
"She.
Fuck," Sands muttered. "This can't be good," he murmured,
letting his eyes fall shut again. "Rest. Right. Can it be here? I don't
think I'm good for the stairs at the moment."
"We'll both
stay here." Aida dragged a pillow
up onto his lap, then pulled her blanket around her again.
comfortable as she'd get on the couch.
"I love you."
"I love you
too," he murmured, letting mental and physical exhaustion finally overtake
him. He was asleep within minutes.
Aida stayed awake
for quite a bit longer, her mind churning through everything that had
happened. The appearance of this new one
really disturbed her. She didn't know
why, but it did, and she wasn't sure what she was going to do about it.
But she was going
to do something.