More Than Darkness

Sands grunted as he unwrapped the gauze around his forearm slowly, revealing blood soaked layer upon blood soaked layer. The fact that the cut was still slowly seeping blood concerned him a little but he didn�t comment upon it. He just unwrapped it and threw the bloody gauze away and rewrapped it as best as he could by himself before returning to his wife on the back porch. He had wanted some fresh air, and together he and Aida had made it outside without incident. He didn�t know how she had slept, but he didn�t feel much better. He knew that he had slept heavily-he hadn�t even dreamt-but he didn�t feel refreshed like good deep sleep was supposed to make you feel.

"You look like I feel," Aida croaked when he reappeared.

�And how�s that?� he asked with a slightly scratchy voice himself as he took a slow seat next to her.

"Like crap."

�At least he didn�t go for the face this time,� Sands muttered.

"Someone around here sounds a little vain," Aida teased.

�I neither admit nor deny any accusation you might send my way.�

"Mmm-hmm...that's as good as an admission you realize."

�No, this is better. Yes, I�m a wee bit vain. I like myself. When imaginary parts of me aren�t trying to kill the rest of me�or anything like that,� he muttered with a frown as he confused himself.

"Whatever. The end result is the same."

�What end result? Me admitting that I�m vain or the killing part?�

"The fact that you are vain."

�Oh. Look at the way I dress. Of course I�m vain,� he said with a slight smirk.

"That's not something to be proud of, my loveable wacko."

�Your loveable wacko? Thanks ever so, spitfire,� he said with a wry smirk.

"Well...since we're going for the truth and all. And you are a wacko." She stuck her tongue out at him.

�Real cute,� he muttered but was unable to hide the smile that found its way to his face. �Ok fine. Touch�. You have me there. I�m as whacky as they come. But at least I�m lovable.�

"Well...I've been meaning to say something..." Aida trailed off, a trace of her devilish smile on her face.

�Meaning to say what? You can�t just trail off like that and grin. It�s�not nice.�

Aida's grin grew.

The more her grin grew, the more his frown did. �What were you going to tell me? Don�t toy with me Aida. Not now.�

At the tension in his voice, Aida's smile slipped away. "I was playing. I don't have anything to say."

�Oh. I�m sorry,� he said with a sigh. �I didn�t mean to ruin your fun. Sorry.�

"No. I should have known better. This isn't really the time for jokes, is it?"

�It should be. There should always be a time for jokes between us,� he said with a sigh. �I didn�t mean to spoil it.�

Aida smiled, although this time it was more reserved. "There are times when jokes are inappropriate."

�I�m still sorry,� he said wearily. �Now I feel all moody and depressed. I�d much rather be joking,� he muttered.

"You could make me some soup," she offered. "I'm sure we could find that amusing."

�Something tells me that soup-making wouldn�t be particularly amusing, but I�ll make you some anyway if that�s what you want.�

"I don't want anything, but chicken broth sounds the least offensive."

Sands shrugged absently and then gritted his teeth in a wince as the action reminded him of Jeffrey�s love of knifeplay and revenge combined. �That sounds good,� he said after taking a moment to think through the pain. �Chicken broth is supposed to be good for colds, right? Or is that chicken soup? Are they the same?�

"Chicken broth doesn't have any actual chicken in it. Just the broth that chicken was cooked in. Chicken soup is supposedly good for colds, and it has pieces of chicken in it, along with noodles and sometimes vegetables."

�Then why don�t you want any chicken noodle soup? If it�s supposed to be good for colds?�

"I can't eat that much. Broth is easier to digest."

Sands nodded slowly. �Alright. I guess I�ll go make you some.� Even as he said he would however, he didn�t move. God, he didn�t want to move right now. Moving hurt too much. But if she wanted to eat, he would get her something. She had been right before. He was supposed to be taking care of her. Not the other way around. It was time he did that. He got up out of his chair slowly, and turned to her. �Do you want to come along or would you rather stay out here?�

"I want to come." Aida stood and wrapped her arm around his waist. "What a pair we are."

�Yeah,� he said with a sigh. �This is like the blind leading the blind,� he muttered as they made slow progress to the kitchen.

Aida just tilted her head back and kissed his cheek in response to that.

He gave her a fond but slightly puzzled smile in return but didn�t comment as they entered the kitchen. �Take a seat. I�ll go get your broth. It can�t be that hard to warm up soup, can it?�

She solemnly held up her right hand. "Not at all."

�I�m holding you to that,� he murmured as he located a can of chicken broth, a can opener, and a pan. �I can�t guarantee that there will be a bowl left intact though. You may have to eat it out of the pot. I�ll go shopping for some tomorrow, I guess. And pick up our pictures.�

Aida grimaced. "Do we have any mugs? There might be one or two saved in the dishwasher."

�I�ll check when your soup is ready. I�m sure I can find something,� he said as he opened the can of soup and dumped it slowly and carefully using his left hand into the pot that had been set on the stove. He then turned the stove on to what the can suggested and went to search for a bowl or cup for Aida. �You�re in luck. There�s two bowls and one mug in the dishwasher. Guess you won�t have to be eating out of the pot after all.�

�Do we know why she wrecked everything yet?"

Sands shook his head. �I can only assume that she and Jeffrey got into some kind of fight. I don�t know the details and neither of them seem particularly keen on sharing them.�

"We should make them go shopping for new things. No sense in making you suffer. I know how much you hate shopping after all."

He made a face at the mention of shopping and nodded. �Alright. She broke it, she can fix it. Good enough for me.�

"And while they're out, you can appear briefly to buy me a present."

Sands smiled. �What would you like this time, soon-to-be-birthday-girl?�

"One of those armchairs that give massages." She grinned. "And you should approve. It's big and outrageously expensive."

�I should approve, huh? We�ll see,� he said with a wry grin. �I guess I can get you one of those. If that�s what you really want.�

"You'll never get me out of it except to bathe. Do you know how nice those things are?"

�Can�t say that I do. It doesn�t seem like something that would have been around when I was younger.� He shrugged and spooned her now hot chicken broth into a bowl and brought it to her with a spoon. �Enjoy.�

"They've got a couple at the clinic, but you have to reserve time on them. A lot of them have built-in heating units so they're really good for sore joints." Aida waited to drink her meal; in the meantime, she wrapped her cold hands around as much as of the bowl as she could.

He frowned a little as he saw what she was doing. �Are you cold? I can get you a blanket if you want.�

"No. I'm fine," she said quickly. "Besides, body heat is a better way to warm up."

�Alright. If you change your mind, let me know,� he murmured as he eased himself into a chair next to her.

Aida immediately climbed into his lap, then pulled her bowl of soup across the table so it was in front of her again. "Hello."

�Hi,� he said with a small smile. �Just be careful,� he warned. �Among other things,� he gestured to the gauze-wrapped wounds on his arms and hands and chest, �I�m not myself today.�

"If I waited for that, I might never get to hold you," she sighed, resting her head against a relatively undamaged part of his shoulder.

�You�ve got a point there,� he said with a sigh himself. �Sorry.�

"You shouldn't be."

�And why is that, Aida? If I�m not sorry, then who should be? Certainly not Jeffrey. He doesn�t care. And neither do any of the others, apparently. So that leaves me to be sorry. It�s really my fault anyway. So I�m sorry.�

"You shouldn't be sorry because there's not a thing you can do to change who you are. And it's not like you ever hid the...the difficulties...we'd face from me. We're both here willingly, so there's nothing to apologize for."

�I couldn�t have hid anything from you even I�d wanted to. You would have found out sooner or later,� he murmured. �What would you have done then? What would you have done if you found out like that? If I hadn�t told you?�

Aida closed her eyes and thought about it. "I don't know... But if you hadn't been honest with me from the start, I'm not sure I could have taken all this."

�How can you take all this?� Sands asked her with a weary frown.

"One day at a time?"

�Yeah. Sure,� he murmured.

"I don't think about how I do it. I just keep a single goal in my mind: get through the day. And then I do what I need to reach that goal. And I've succeeded so far. I plan to continue to succeed."

�Why can�t I do that?� he muttered to himself. �Oh yeah. Because every new day brings a new problem that just compounds all the others.�

"You're brooding again," she warned. "Keep this up and you'll die of a heart-attack or something at the age of 40."

�Maybe even sooner at this rate,� he muttered under his breath. �What does brooding have to do with having a heart attack?�

"I don't know, but I do know it's not good for your health. So stop it."

�And what happens when I tell you I can�t?�

"Then we teach you a new way to look at things so you naturally stop."

�What if it�s more natural for me to simply brood?�

"Sands, have you ever thought that perhaps we'd never have met if it hadn't been for Jeffrey and Salida?"

�No. Not once,� he said firmly.

"Well, do you think that's true?"

�No, I don�t. Neither of them had anything to do with it. If it were up to them you wouldn�t be here and I wouldn�t exist.�

"Why were you out and about the day we met?" she persisted.

�That doesn�t mean anything. I could have gone out for all kinds of reasons.�

"Why were you out that day?"

�Because I was given that day to be free of them both in exchange for leaving so sunrise could fuck Jeffrey,� he muttered.

"So if that deal hadn't been made, we wouldn't have met. Right?"

Sands shook his head. �I refuse to believe that.�

"Why?"

�Because I don�t owe either of them anything. Nor do I fucking want to.�

"Who says you owe them anything? It's just a fact that you were out that day because you couldn't stand them any longer."

�Fine,� he grunted. �Yes. I was out there because I couldn�t stand to be in that fucking place for one more second.�

"But what it all boils down to is that if they didn't exist, we wouldn't have met, and you'd be married to some blonde college graduate whose idea of a good time is charity work."

He frowned deeply, not liking that possible future at all, but didn�t say a word.

Aida saw the slight frown and shook her head. "And that's one of the ways I deal with all this."

He shook his head. �That won�t work for me. No matter if it�s true or not. It just won�t.�

She shrugged. "Well, it was worth a try." Having said that, she picked up her bowl and started sipping from it, dispensing with the need for a spoon.

He just kept frowning, discomforted by the fact that she was trying in the first place and yet appreciating it at the same time. Like everything else in his fucking world, he was of two minds on the subject.

"How are you feeling? Is your cold still being exceedingly annoying?"

�Compared to everything else, it doesn�t really bother me all that much anymore. But I�m sure that�ll change now that I�m thinking about it again,� he muttered.

Fed up, Aida put down her bowl and turned in Sands arms. She grabbed his face and looked deeply into his eyes for a moment, then kissed him deeply.

When she pulled away, he looked at her with a confused frown now. �What was that for?�

"Are you in a better mood yet?"

�Who said I was in a bad mood?� he murmured.

"I decided. Are you in a better mood yet?"

�I don�t know.�

"Hmm..." If he didn't know, then she hadn't done a good enough job. With that in mind, she kissed him again.

�If I say I�m still in a bad mood does that mean you�ll kiss me again?� he asked when they had separated.

"I don't know...I don't like to reward lying. If you're going to, you'd better make it good."

�Fine. I�guess I feel better,� he said with a slight shrug before closing his eyes at his own stupidity as pain shot through his shoulder and cursed under his breath.

"Aw...kiss the owie," Aida murmured, laying a kiss on his shoulder that he barely felt.

�Thanks,� he murmured. �I�m alright, I guess. As long as I can remember to stop shrugging or moving quickly or pissing off Jeffrey for awhile I should be fine,� he said dryly.

"What did you do to piss him off in the first place? I don't mean to pry, but..."

�No, I guess since you had to clean up the aftermath you have a right to know. I made some comment to sunrise that sent her into another of her �poor me, I don�t want to be a mother� phases,� he muttered. �Jeffrey wasn�t too pleased by this.�

"You're going to have to have a sit down with her eventually," Aida sighed.

�And say what?�

"I don't know. Maybe you don't say anything. Maybe she needs to talk to you. But this is a rather complicated dilemma. You can't keep avoiding this forever. Neither of you can."

�Watch us,� he muttered.

"I'll watch more things like this happen," she replied, gesturing to the remains of the mess around them.

�She�s not going to want to talk to me about it. Especially not now.�

"Fine. Then don't do it now. But set a date that you're going to do it by, and then do it."

�Fine,� he muttered. �It�s not going to change anything though.�

"And there you are being a pessimist again."

He almost shrugged again but caught himself at the last moment. �Doesn�t mean that�s not what will happen.�

"Doesn't mean that is what's going to happen."

�Fine. We�ll see.�

"Yes. I suppose we will." Aida returned to her meal.

Sands sighed. �I�m sorry.�

"Well then stop. You don't have anything to feel sorry for."

�How do you know?�

"What do you think you're apologizing for?"

�I don�t know. Everything,� he muttered.

Almost before the words had left his mouth, Aida was kissing him again.

�Why won�t you let me upset?� he murmured against her lips, not wanting to pull apart just yet.

"Why do you want to be upset?" Aida's eyes were closed and she sighed her words into his mouth.

�I don�t know. Because I feel like I should be.�

"Mmm...faulty thinking. Gotta correct that." She leaned closer and lightly pressed their lips together.

�Feel free to correct me all you want if this is what I get out of it,� he murmured between kisses. He wrapped his arms around her as best as he could without ruining the moment with a jolt of searing pain and held her close while he kissed her.

"What are you doing for the next hour? I think you need some extra study."

�I�m your willing and attentive pupil,� he murmured as he leaned in to kiss along the underside of her jaw.

"Class meets upstairs."

�This�is going to hurt, but it will have been worth it,� he murmured before picking her up into his arms and carried her in the direction of the stairs, not letting any pain he might be feeling show on his face.

"Won't hurt for long. I promise." Wrapping her arms around his neck, Aida started pressing kisses into the underside of his chin.

Sands let himself be distracted by her gentle kisses as he made his way up the stairs. It was a little harder than he had remembered-probably due to the blood loss he had experienced-but as long as he had his wife in his arms he couldn�t complain. He made his way into their bedroom and laid her down on the bed as gently as he could before moving around to the other side of the bed so that he could lay down beside her on his uninjured left shoulder.

Aida rolled onto her side, meeting him in the middle of the bed. Her arms went around him and down his back as the tip of her nose traced along his mouth.

�I�ve missed you like this,� he murmured. �I�m sorry, it�s probably selfish of me, but I have,� he admitted after she had moved her nose away so that he could speak.

"It's not selfish. It's honest. And I've missed you too." For a moment, Aida simply laid on the bed, enjoying the novelty of being so peacefully close to her husband.

�Oh please. You miss the things he does for you, you mean,� Valencia bit out harshly, moving herself away from Aida as quickly as she could. �You disgust me.�

"Sands?" The moment his name left her mouth, Aida felt a bit embarrassed. Why was her first move always to check out whether or not she'd been left alone?

�I�m here,� he said with a sigh. �Just leave, Valencia. This doesn�t concern you.�

�Of course it does, Sandsy. Everything you do concerns me. I�m supposed to look after you.�

�Why? I can take care of myself just fine,� he muttered.

�The cuts on your arms that Jeffrey gave you say different,� Valencia pointed out gently. �You two need a referee. That�s me, I suppose.�

"You're not a referee. You're an interfering busybody."

�You shut your mouth, bitch. I wasn�t talking to you. You�ll know when I�m talking to you because I�ll say �hey, bitch,� Valencia hissed.

�That�s enough,� Sands said forcefully. �I don�t care who you are, where you came from, or what you�re trying to do for me. Aida is my wife. That�s never going to change. If you don�t like it, just leave. In fact, leave anyway. Things were much easier without you around.�

�Now you�re just being idiotic, Sands. Things were shit before. And they�re still shit now. And I�ve got news for you. Bastard isn�t dead. Don�t ask me if he�ll ever be able to take over again like he did because I honestly don�t know, but what I do know is that you need me. You need someone else on your side or you�ll lose,� Valencia said solemnly.

�You can�t be on both my side and Jeffrey�s at the same time. It doesn�t work like that,� he muttered, not liking what she had told him at all. Bastard couldn�t be back. He had gone through too fucking much for it to have all been for nothing.

�Of course it does. You two aren�t all that different you know, for as much as you like to claim that you are. You need each other. And now you need me. Deal with it, darling. There�s nothing you can do to change it.�

"For a...personality...who claims to want to help, you're sure stressing my husband out." Aida didn't know why she was so intent on annoying this new identity, but she was. She didn't like this one at all.

Valencia ignored her as if she didn�t exist. She knew who Sands was really loyal to. �But you don�t have to ever worry about me. I would never hurt you.� She hesitated and thought a moment. �Unless it was for your own good.�

�That�s extremely comforting. Thank you,� Sands said dryly.

�Now don�t be getting snippy with me. I�m being honest with you. I only want what�s best for you.�

�If that�s really true, then you�ll leave me alone right now,� Sands pressed.

�Why? So you can be alone with her?� the look she sent Aida was definitely an unkind one. �She�s not good for you, Sands. She�s only dragging you down; making you weak. You know this as well as I do.�

�Valencia, leave,� Sands said firmly. Valencia did as she was ordered and Sands sat down on the bed heavily and placed his head in his hands and closed his eyes.

"I really don't like...her..." Aida said slowly.

Sands laughed without mirth but didn�t move nor open his eyes. �And who said I did?�

"I'm sorry," Aida immediately apologized. "That was a little self-centered."

�Don�t be sorry. You meant what you said. I don�t hold it against you.�

"But...but it's not my problem. Not really."

�No, it�s not, it�s mine, but that doesn�t matter,� he said with a weary sigh.

"You're tired." It wasn't an accusation or even a statement. Merely an observation.

�For all I�ve slept today I don�t feel any more rested. Not to mention the fact that arguing with yourself in two different incarnations at the same time can be a little exhausting. Oh, and I might had lost more blood than is healthy as well. So yeah, I�m a little tired,� he murmured. Still he didn�t open his eyes or lift his head up from his hands.

Aida laid her hands gently on his shoulders and tried to pull him backwards. "Come lie down next to me."

He sighed a little and let himself be pulled, ever so gently. The cut across his collarbone stung at the moment, but he had realised that it would hurt no matter what he did because of it�s placement across his chest so he did his best to ignore it. �I�m sorry this had to happen, Aida. I know you don�t want me to say that, but I can�t help it.�

"Do you still want to...?"

�Please,� he said with as much ferventness as he could manage. �I don�t want to think about anything else but you. At least for a little while.�

"Alright." Very carefully, Aida kissed the small indentation behind his ear, wanting to take the time to be gentle.

Sands let his eyes flutter shut at the contact, his entire focus concentrating on that one kiss so that the sensation exploded across his sensitized skin, nearly sending a shudder through him. �I love you, Aida,� he murmured, reaching out to run gentle fingertips over whatever part of her that he could reach. He simply wanted to touch her.

"I love you too." It was hard sometimes, but it was more than worth it at times like these. Using a single fingertip, she turned his face towards her so she could kiss him just as gently as she had before.

Sands kept the kiss gentle, enjoying the attention she was placing upon him. It made things easier; easier to forget the world around him and easier to concentrate on only her. He hooked his left arm around her waist and simply held her close as they kissed, wanting and needing to be close to her.

As they ever so sweetly made out, Aida found a growing desire in the back of her mind. It had nothing to do with her husband though. It had to do with that . . . woman. The nerve she had. Well, Aida was going to go out of her way to prove Valencia wrong at every turn, and this was just the first of many.

Some of that feeling must have leaked over into their kiss, because Sands suddenly broke it off.

He frowned at her, trying not to look hurt that she seemed to be distracted while she had been kissing him, but failing miserably. �If you want me to just stop, I will.�

"No...no stopping. I was just thinking about her. I shouldn't be, I know, but -"

�Why shouldn�t you be?� Sands muttered, still feeling hurt.

"How dare she think that she knows you and what you need better than I do?! I'm your wife!" Aida sat up, a scowl on her face.

�Yeah, and she�s only another one of the fucked up parts of my brain,� Sands muttered, not bothering to sit up next to her.

"So you think she knows you better than I do?"

�I don�t think anything, Aida. I don�t want to talk about it,� he said with a weary sigh. That had been the one thing he�d asked for and here she was bringing it all up again. �Just leave it alone. Please.�

"Alright." Doing so didn't make her happy, but she'd do it since he'd asked.

He could see the hesitation on her face and frowned deeply, hurt and weariness etched into every line of his face. �Fine. You want to talk about it? Go right ahead. I�m not going anywhere. Rant all you wish. Here, I�ll even give you a topic: Valencia claiming that she knows me better than you do. Can you imagine that?�

"Don't," Aida whispered.

�You�re the one who started it. Not me,� he pointed out. �All I wanted to do was forget about it all for a little while. But you couldn�t even give me that,� he said bitterly.

"You're right. I'm a horrible wife and she would take care of you better." Aida pushed herself up off the bed with her good hand and went to her closet. "I don't know how you've put up with me," she said caustically as she climbed into a cardigan.

�So you want to blame this on me now, is it? You�ve decided I�ve got reason to be sorry after all? Fine. It�s all my fault. You know what, I bet I wanted another woman in my life to make things more interesting. Why not just create one in your fucking mind. It�s not like it�s too crowded in here already, I�m sure that�s exactly what I thought,� he said wearily, sinking back on to the bed.

"Well, I'm sorry that my acting skills are so out of practice that I can't pretend not to be upset about her appearance. Then again, I thought the one place I could be myself was our bedroom."

Sands closed his eyes tightly and pinched the bridge of his nose with his left hand to ward off a headache. �I don�t want to fight about this, Aida. What do you want me to say? I�m sorry about Valencia but I don�t know what to do about her. I didn�t ask her to show up. She just did.�

"I'm not asking you to do anything about her. I'm asking you to be realistic when it comes to how quickly I - hell, both of us - can get over her appearance."

Sands nodded. �Alright,� he said with a sigh. �I�m sorry. I was being selfish I guess,� he murmured.

"And if I could take this in stride, we wouldn't be arguing at all."

�I shouldn�t have expected you to. It wasn�t fair.�

"And we were just talking about how I have been."

�What do you mean?� he asked with a sigh. Still he didn�t sit up on the bed, although he did open his eyes and cock his head slightly to the side to look at her as he spoke.

"Downstairs. We were talking about how I get through my days."

�What does that have to do with anything?�

"I don't know."

�Oh.� He frowned. �Sorry,� he murmured, not knowing what else to say. He moved his gaze to the ceiling and wished fervently that things were different. All he had wanted was to be close to his wife. That was everything to him. And now all he wanted was to be left alone. And yet, he didn�t want that either. He never wanted that.

Aida sighed in return and came back to the bed. "I think the mood's effectively been ruined, but I wouldn't be against some cuddling," she offered, trying to make peace.

�If that�s what you want,� he said absently, looking at her again slowly.

"But that�s not what you want, is it?"

�I don�t know what I want.�

"But you know that what I'm offering isn't it."

�I don�t know,� he said with a sigh. �I don�t want you to leave. But�I don�t know.�

"Well...why don't we start with cuddling and just see where that goes?"

�Alright. I�m sorry I don�t know what I want. I just�don�t. Not right now,� he said as she moved next to him.

"Let's just be together," she murmured, gently sliding her arms around his torso.

Sands nodded against her and mirrored her movements by wrapping his uninjured arm around her as well. Almost as soon as he had done that, he pulled her close and did his best to bury his face in her next as he could. The reaction was almost without thought. He only wanted to be near her; to hold her and to be held by her. He didn�t want to be alone. Not now.

After several minutes passed that were only filled by the sound of their breathing and the slight rasp of her hand against his hair, Aida whispered, "I'm sorry we fight, and I wish we could find a way to never do so again, but the fights never mean that I don't love you."

After a moment�s wavering, he pulled back a little so that he could look at her. �I know that. I really do. I didn�t always, but I know now. And I love you too. Always. No matter what or who might come between us.�

"As long as we keep reminding each other of that...I think we'll be okay." Aida smiled bravely at her husband, trying to will him to agree with her.

He gave her a small smile in return. �We will be. I promise.�

Just hearing those words from him were enough to make her melt into the bed. "You're being optimistic again. I like that."

�It�s not optimism. I don�t hope that we�ll be alright. I know we will. That�s realism,� he murmured.

"I'll take that. Have any other predictions you want to make while you're at it?"
Sands shook his head, not as sure of everything else as he was that one fact. �No, because then you�ll just get upset and call me a pessimist again.�

"Then you're probably right that I don't want to hear them."

�That�s why I didn�t say anything,� he murmured with a sigh. �I�m sorry I upset you earlier, Aida. I didn�t mean to. I was just�I was feeling hurt that you�d rather talk about Valencia than be with me. Sorry. Silly, right?� he muttered, forcing a smile.

"No. Not really. I tend to overreact to certain things, as I'm sure you've noticed."

�It�s not your fault. I do the same thing,� he said with a sigh.

"Which is why we're quite a pair, we need to remember that we're in love, and we need to stop obsessing."

�We are in love,� he couldn�t quite help the trace of questioning in the statement. He knew they were in love. Of course he did. She had said it, hadn�t she?

"Yes. I know it's amazing," she drawled, a wry smile on her face. "But we really are."

He tried very hard to give her a genuine smile and very nearly succeeded. He did love her, he knew that. Why was it so hard to accept that she loved him back right now?

"What?" she asked when she saw that there was something lurking behind his smile. "What is it?"

�It�s nothing. I�m alright,� he attempted to reassure her.

"You look like you have indigestion...but you haven't eaten anything."

�It�s all par normal with me,� he said with a sigh. �Don�t worry about it.�

He wasn't telling her something. Aida was sure of it. But until she knew a tactful way of broaching the subject, she was going to keep her mouth shut.

�It�s just my semi weekly bout of self doubt,� he said with a mirthless laugh. �That�s all.�

"And what's this week's topic?" she asked guardedly, not really wanting to know the answer.

�Don�t worry about it. It�s not your problem,� he said evasively.

"Alright." If he didn't want to tell her, it must really be bad.

�You wouldn�t want to hear about it anyway,� he murmured.

"If you don't want to tell me, I certainly believe that."

�Right,� he said with a sigh, willing the feeling to go away. She loved him. He knew she did. She had said it and she had meant it. Why wasn�t that enough? �Tell me you love me,� he asked almost too soft for her to hear.

"What?" she asked. This had apparently come out of the blue. "Of course I love you."

He nodded. �Tell me again,� he asked in an even softer voice.

"I love you."

Was it enough? Damn it, it should have been enough the first fucking time. �I love you too,� he said in that same soft voice, ignoring all doubt and moving close to her once more.

"What do I have to do to prove it to you?" she asked, a bit bewildered. For her, the simple fact that she was here with him should have been enough to erase a lifetime of doubts, at least in her.

�I don�t know. Nothing. You don�t have to do anything. Don�t worry about it. I�m fine.� His voice was slightly muffled as he spoke against her.

"If you were fine, you wouldn't have asked. I don't want you to ever doubt where you stand with me, or I with you."

�I know you don�t. It�s irrational. I know you love me.� He almost sounded convinced.

"What does rationality have to do with anything? Knowing you're being irrational never makes anyone feel any better."

�I�m sorry,� he murmured. �I do love you, Aida. I know that I do.�

"And me?"

He opened his mouth to say a measure of the same-that he knew that she loved him-but he couldn�t. What was love? It wasn�t something you could touch or taste or see, it was invisible to those outside of it and blinding to those who had it. Had his parents ever loved him? With the knowledge of the years since he had cared about such a thing now he didn�t think they ever had. They might have said it, they might have pretended as if they had meant it for appearance�s sake, but they had never once loved him and he knew it. But he did know that Aida loved him. Of course he did. She was his wife. She was supposed to love him. Somehow, that knowledge didn�t comfort him.

"You don't believe me, do you?"

�But I do. All the time. Just�� he couldn�t say it. He couldn�t admit that he doubted their love right now because he didn�t want it to be true. What kind of a husband was he that he doubted his own wife�s love for him when there was no reason for it? Not a very good one.

"Just what? You can tell me and I'll do my very best to reassure you. I thought we'd just confirmed that this was the one place where we could always be ourselves. And sometimes that includes doubts."

�But I don�t want to have doubts. I shouldn�t have doubts. I should know that you love me,� he said with a saddened frown. �Why don�t I know that?�

"I don't know the answer to that. But I'm willing to help you find it."

He gave her a pitiful look. �I don�t want to doubt that you love me, Aida. I don�t like it.�

"I know you don't, my love. I know."

He closed his eyes briefly at the �my love,� hoping that he would get something out of the words, but nothing changed. �It�s�hard,� he took a breath, opened his eyes, and continued, �It�s hard for me to know and understand love.� He didn�t want to blame his parents-it was a used up excuse-but what else was there?

"I understand that. And I've always known that you'd need time to learn how to love, and to learn how to recognize love. I knew that almost from day one. Didn't you ever realize that? That love wasn't something you could learn in a day, or a month?"

He shook his head. �I figured I�d understand because you�re my wife. I�m supposed to love you and I do.� He was pretty sure he did at least.

"But the longer love lasts, the more it changes."

�Into what?�

"It doesn't change that way. It doesn't mutate into a different emotion." Aida sighed, trying to think of a way to explain herself. "If you went up to a couple who'd been married for 50 years, and asked them if they had truly loved each other when they first were married, they might very well say no because all the life experiences they've had has made their love stronger, more patient, less passionate, more sure. The basics of love always stay the same, but the way that emotion is demonstrated is subject to change."

Sands nodded, understanding that at least. Or believing he did at any rate. �And what are the basics of love? How�how do I know?� he asked with a desperate frown. �I want to know.�

At his question, Aida's mind cast back to lessons she had learned as a child. "Love is patient," she whispered. "Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."

Sands nodded, committing all that she had said to memory. �I do love you, Aida,� he said softly. �And I believe that you love me as well.� Believing wasn�t knowing, but he was getting closer at least.

"I do. And I enjoy it."

�You enjoy what? Loving me?� He didn�t know if he could understand that, but that wasn�t all that different from what he normally felt towards her. He often couldn�t understand what made her stay with him despite�well, everything. This was just another part of that.

"Yes. If you don't enjoy love, what's the point of it? People don't fall in love to suffer."

�I know that,� he said with a slight nod of his head. �But sometimes those in love suffer anyway,� he muttered.

"That's part of life."

�I suppose so,� he agreed with a slight sigh. �It shouldn�t be, but it is.�

Aida kissed the top of his head. "It's not all bad though."

He gave her a weak smile. �No, it�s not. If it were, none of us would survive.�

She kissed him again and fell silent.

�I�m sorry I brought this up,� he said after a few long moments of silence. �I didn�t mean to. I don�t want to doubt you,� he said softly. �It�s not fair.�

"How is it not fair?"

�It�s not fair of me to doubt your love for me. I should know better,� he said softly.

"We all have doubts sometimes, my love. That's a part of life too."

�Yeah, but there are some things that you shouldn�t doubt. Love is supposed to be one of them,� he said with a trace of bitterness in his voice.

"Doubts don't listen to shoulds and shouldn'ts. Besides, if you can voice them and then we can settle them together, where's the harm in them?"

�I don�t know. Don�t listen to me,� he murmured. �You�re right.�

"I always want to listen to you."

�Even when I�m spouting nothing but nonsense?� he muttered.

"Well...you don't do that too often, but you're adorable when you do." Aida smiled.

�If you say so,� he said with a slight frown, not really believing her.

"I do. And your wife is all-knowing, remember?"

�I remember,� he said with a small smile. �That and a very dangerous sexual predator. Don�t think I�ve forgotten that.�

"Mmm...yeah. That doesn't seem like the kind of thing you would forget." Now that he was starting to concentrate on other things, Aida allowed herself to relax the rest of the way into the bed.

�No, it�s not. And I won�t. I wouldn�t want you to catch my off guard,� he said, his smile turning up fractionally at the corners.

"I'd never do anything like that," she said seriously.

His smile faltered. �What do you mean?�

"Oh, I don't believe in taking people by surprise." To clue him in to the fact that she was joking, she allowed her fingers to skitter quickly along his ribs.

He tensed away from her and immediately drew in a hissed breath at the pain the sudden action brought. �You can tickle all you want later. But not now. Please,� he said, giving her a ghost of a smile to let her know that he was alright.

"Sorry. Forgot." Aida quickly kissed him under the chin.

�It�s alright. I�m fine,� he said, giving her as big a smile as he could muster at the moment when she pulled away. �I like it when you do that,� he added to further lighten the mood.

"Do what?"

�Kiss me like that.�

"Like this?" Once again she placed a quick, chaste, sweet kiss under his chin.

It was easier to smile this time. �Just like that. It feels nice, I guess.�

"Well that's good. Does it feel as good if I do this?" She placed the same kind of kiss on his face, this time on his cheek.

�Always,� he answered with another smile.

"And this?" She kissed the end of his nose.

�That actually kind of tickles,� he murmured, moving a hand up to rub at it when she had moved away. �But feel free to continue.�

"Alright." She pecked him on the lips.

�You might want to try that last one again. I don�t think you waited long enough for me to figure out whether or not I liked it.�

She did it again, just as quickly.

Sands sighed and took matters into his own hands. He reached out and pulled her close, giving her a long look before moving in to kiss her. While her kisses had been light and brief, his was heavy and languid, full of lazy passion and desire. He laid a quick kiss as she had before on the corner of her mouth before pulling back to look at her.

"Now see, I like the cute, short kisses -" She didn't get any farther than that before he cut her off.

�You can have your cute, short kisses later. I promise,� he said after another long kiss. �I like those kinds too,� he murmured, placing a few of those said kisses along her jawline.

Aida mentally shook her head, and closed her eyes. If he wanted to lavish his attention on her, she certainly wasn't going to protest. This was the reason they'd come up here in the first place.

He saw her close her eyes but didn�t comment on it. He simply kept on kissing a slow line across her jaw and down the sides of her neck in turn, pausing at each kiss just long enough to breathe in the scent of her skin before moving on to the next spot along his line of kisses. After a few moments of that, his hands-or the one that wasn�t hurting him at least-decided to join in on the fun, and they moved to her sides as he gently pushed her flat on the bed, and began moving in random patterns across her body.

A contented sigh escaped her, and Aida resettled herself, her own good hand coming up to rest on his shoulder.

�I love you, Aida,� he murmured after another slow passionate kiss. �I really do.�

"I know, love. But I love hearing you say it."

�I love you,� he said again. �You are the only person I�ve ever truly loved. You are everything to me. I know that as well,� he murmured as he moved the collar of her pajama shirt aside so that he could kiss the bare skin of her shoulder.

"What about Sid?" she murmured, trying to keep her brain from shutting down on her.

�Ah, ah. I said person. I don�t think Sid quite qualifies,� he murmured, unbuttoning the top button of her shirt so that he could kiss along her collarbone slowly.

"But do you love him?"

�I don�t know. He�s a cat. He�s not a person,� he murmured between kisses. �I would miss him if he was gone, I guess.�

"Good enough for me," she sighed, cupping his jaw as she gently pulled him up to meet her lips again.

He moved overtop of her as he kissed her, wanting to be closer to her but not knowing how much she wanted. The lazy passion that had been fueling his earlier kisses vanished and was replaced by a growing need to consume her and to be consumed. He would fight it as best he could until he was sure of what she wanted, however.

Comforted and reassured by her husband's presence, Aida did the unthinkable...she fell asleep. Ever so slowly, her hand slid off her husband's shoulder to land on the bed.

Suddenly fearful that something had happened to her for a moment, he reared back to look at her intensely. �Aida?� he called out, worry in his voice. When he saw that she had simply fallen asleep, he rolled off of her and on to his back with a groan of frustration and pain. �That�s not fucking fair,� he muttered.

�What�s not fucking fair?� Jeffrey asked suddenly, startling Sands into scowling. He looked down his legs at the evidence of his pronounced arousal and then over to Aida�s sleeping form and got the picture. �Oh. Well that fucking sucks. You know what? I�m almost sorry for you. Almost. But now that you�re not having playtime with the missus, I think I�ll go see mine.�

�Fuck you,� Sands muttered, but let Jeffrey do what he wanted. What else was he going to do?

�That would be rather difficult considering we share the same��

�Just go,� Sands interrupted, not interested in hearing Jeffrey�s explanations.

Jeffrey just smirked and left to find his wife.