Tell me your dreams

Title: Tell me your dreams (5/16?)
Author: Mahie/EvenStar
Reply to: persefone_rj@hotmail.com
Pairing: Jack/Will
Rating: NC-17 (later)
See Part 0 for other info.
No infringement is intended.
'thoughts'
---

The storm was so terrible that Will was becoming crazy. Jack hadn't come back with Charles yet and Will was biting his nails worriedly,
all the time blaming himself.
'If they both die, it'll be your fault, you asshole.'
Will couldn't stand it. To lose bes best friend and the man he was starting to fall in love with.
Finally Jack came back with the lad, Gibbs had thrown them a rope and
Will and the other crewmembers pulled them onto the ship.
"Are ye crazy, lad?" Jack spoke to Charles, loudly. "You could get yourself killed!! If ye do it again, I'll lock ye in the brig!"
"Sorry, Captain," Charles replied. "It won't happen again."
Charles was soaking wet and still trembling with fear, but couldn't help feeling enraged. Firstly because he didn't /want/ to be rescued.
Secondly because Jack had said out loud for every single crewmember to hear that he would lock him in the brig if he jumped again. And thirdly - and most important - because Jack was the one with whom Will was falling in love, not him.
'I hate you,/Captain/.' Charles thought, enraged. He was so irritated
that he couldn't even care that Jack had saved his life. He didn't give a damn. Jack could kill him and he would feel the same.
Rage.
But Will realized how much Jack worried about his crew; he wasn't selfish.
Will noticed that one of his many questions was answered; Jack could be
trusted. He wasn't there only because of his affairs. Well, of course
the main reason of the trip was getting the Pearl back. But he /cared/
about other peoples’ sakes. He was a pirate and he cared about people.
Will couldn't forget the way Jack looked at him when he saw him in
front of his cabin door. Jack was such a sweet person and Will was really happy to be near him.
He had to plan on how to approach him...to feel closer...to close that
distance between a famous pirate captain and a nobody like him. Because
this distance was just a question of image. It would be obvious, a famous pirate captain and a humble blacksmith...they would be completely different, right?
But deep inside, Jack was a person just like him - the same fears, the same wishes. He was human, for God's sake!
Though Will saw him as some kind of hero or god; and he had to forget about that if he wanted to be with him. For he had already realized that what Jack wanted the most was to be treated as a normal person.
Will pushed his thoughts away and ran to Charles when he saw his friend
was alive. Breathing relieved, Will approached him. They were on a covered part of the ship and Charles was being taken care of by the crew's doctor.
When Charles saw that Will was next to him, he looked up at him. He didn't know what to say, but his expression was sad.
He must have suffered much to decide something so radical such as
killing himself. Will said:
"Oh, Charles," he held his friend tightly and Charles held him back, trying to hide the tears that were falling down his cheeks. "I'm so sorry."
Charles looked at Will and said nothing. Then Will said:
"When you're done here, we are going to talk."
Charles nodded. It would be the wisest thing to do and he knew it.
So, as soon as the doctor said he could go, he and Will went to talk.
Will had asked Anna if there was an empty cabin where he could talk to
Charles, and as there wasn’t, she let Will go to her cabin with his friend. Will thanked her and went there.
He and Charles sat on Anna's bed. They didn't know what to say. But
Will spoke:
"Why did you do it, Charles?"
"You know why I did it."
'Dammit.' Will swore to himself. Put his hands on his hair. Sighed.
Then said:
"Is it so hard that you want to kill yourself? My God, we've been friends all of our lives! Why does it have to change?"
Charles felt really bad; he started to cry. Will held him tightly:
"I'm sorry...it's not your fault...I didn't know what I was sa." ."
"Oh, you did, Will. You said it because you'd never even thought that I
could be more than your friend."
Will fell silent. He had nothing to say.
Charles was right. He hadn't even thought of it.
"And you never realized how I felt." Charles managed. Will sighed. Was he this insensitive? Gods, Charles was by his side every day! They were neighbors. They worked together. And Will had never noticed anything.
"You know I'm absent-minded. It's not a reason to hate me!" Will said sadly.
"I don't hate you, Will." Charles said, looking him in the eye.
"You...you never really thought about being with me?"
Will felt his eyes watering. Was it better to tell the truth? Or lie?
"I'm sorry, Charles. It's not /you/...it's me...you know I never had
anyone...you know how fucking difficult it is to me to approaching the
girls...or guys...I'm not used to being loved..."
"Of course it's /me/, for if it was Jack..." he spat.
"What do you know, Charles? I can only daydream about him. I don't have
the guts to try and tell him how I feel! You know how I am, dammit!"
"Why him?" Charles asked, hurt. "Why not me? You don't even know him!"
"I cannot explain this to you because I myself don't know. You cannot
explain love, you cannot explain passion or desire."
Charles' face was a mask of sadness:
"Do you love him?"
"Well...no." 'Not yet'
Charles fell silent again. Then he managed to find all the courage left
in him and asked:
"We could try, Will. I know you don't love me now...but I could try and
show how much I can love you...so that you'll love me back..." he was
so sad that he had to fight the tears that wanted to fall again.
Will didn't say a thing. Charles couldn't resist. He touched Will's
cheeks with the backs of his hand"Pl"Please?"
And so he kissed Will again. Will tried to respond. He really did. But
he realized he couldn't stay with Charles because he pitied him. It was
not fair - neither to him, nor to Charles. And now that he had been so close to Jack, he couldn't even think of being Charles' lover. He was in love with Jack. He couldn't deny it anymore; couldn't pretend it was just lust. It wasn't love, for they knew each other so little. But they already felt something like a connection. And such a tenderness. Will noticed how tender Jack was to him - when approached properly.
"I'm sorry," Will said and stood up. "I can't," Will wanted to cry too.
'Fuck, why is everything so damned difficult?'
Charles nodded, resigned. He did expect that. But was sad as hell. He
excused himself and left. Will went after him:
"You won't be doing anything stupid again, will you?"
"No. But why do you care?"
Will felt hurt and said:
"Because you're my best friend, Charles."
"Not anymore, because I cannot be just a friend anymore." He told Will and left.
Will stayed there, stunned. He started to cry silently, as if not to bother anyone. He sat on the floor, next to the stairs that led them to the kitchen and to the brigs. Didn't realize someone came and sat next to him:
"How is he?"
'Jack'
"He's not well." Will replied, sadly. "He loves me but I don't love him
back. That was why he threw himself off the ship," he looked at Jack.
Jack nodded. He stayed there, next to Will, who said:
"Oh, God...it's so much...these stories about my father, and the medallion...and now Charles..." Will cried again and Jack held him.
"It will all work out in the end, Will. I'm sure of that."
"Thanks." Will smiled at him and Jack smiled back.
"Captain..."
"Jack." Jack replied. "Ye can call me Jack, lad."
"But you said that day at the tavern..."
"Forget what I said. I was just teasing ye."
Will laughed. But said:
"You made me feel so embarrassed that day!"
"I know," Jack laughed. "I noticed it." They both laughed, but then Jack touched Will's face and said, smiling softly: "I'm sorry."
"It's okay," Will smiled at him. Jack stood up:
"Nice to see that smile on yer face again, lad. Well, I'm going to sleep."
"Goodnight, Jack. And thanks for saving Charles."
"It was my duty, lad. Me crew is as important as me friends and me lovers."
Will nodded, and realized again that it was true, Jack cared about peoples’ sakes.
Will looked at him from the distance. If he wasn't so sad because of
Charles, he would have felt really happy.
---
The days passed slowly. Especially for Charles,(space) who was regretting every single day that he was on this trip. His eyes watered every time he looked at Will. And knowing Jack got closer to his beloved with each passing day only made him grieve mo Wil Will tried to speak to Charles naturally, but his friend answered him
coldly. Will didn't want Charles to think he didn't like him, because he did. Anyway, just as a friend. He tried to approach his /friend/
again, but Charles was afraid he would suffer more if he talked to Will as he did before. So he talked to him only about what was needed and answered coldly if Will wanted to talk about anything more personal.
Will was sad because of this situation, but couldn't do anything else. So he approached Jack. It was what he really wanted; he wanted to be closer to him. Wanted Jack to know he didn't like him only because he was famous. Of course, Jack's image had been what called Will's attention first. But then, when Will knew the real Jack Sparrow, he liked him even more. Because he was sweet and open, not proud as other famous pirate captains could be.
Will had a lot of strategies of how to get closer to Jack. He tried to
work next to him. He trio aso ask him something, even though he knew
the answer already. And he tried to be always responsive to everything
Jack asked him. He just didn't want to ask Jack to tell him about his
father and his past because it was really painful.
The trip went on and soon they had been fifteen days on the sea. Jack
was at the helm by the beginning of the sixteenth day and Gibbs talked
to him:
"Jack. We have to stop at a port to get more food, ye know."
"Aye." Jack said, frowning. He had completely forgotten it! Thank God
Gibbs had reminded him. "We're stopping tonight. There's a port near
here, but I think we’re only going to be getting there by nightfall.”
"It's ok, Jack, as soon as we get it before the twentieth day."
"So it is. Go advise the crew, mate."
Gibbs advised all the crew that by nightfall they would be stopping at the next port to get more food. They were all having breakfast at that time. Charles grumbled, voice low:
"Only an idiot could forget to count he himself and two people more."
Will heard him and giggled lowly. He looked at Charles, smiling, but Charles only looked at him blankly, got up and left the table on which they were eating.
Will shrugged and continued to eat.
At night, they stopped at the port. Gibbs went to buy the supplies. Jack was next to Annamaria and Will. Now Will was always with them: Jack, Gibbs and Anna. They loved the lad dearly and wanted him close to them. But Will had already started to be despisedpartpart of the crew, who thought he was being spoiled. He was sad, but tried to forget it, for no one on the crew meant a thing to him. Well, except for Charles, but Charles was an entirely different matter.
Jack said to Will and Anna:
"What do ye think? We can have a drink later! There are taverns in this
city. We can have rum!"
"Isn't there any rum left?" Annamaria asked.
"The rum is gone." Will replied with a smirk. "Don't ye know, Anna, that Jack drinks every day and every night?"
Jack smirked as well and said:
"You forgot to mention, young William, that you've been drinking with me all of these days."
Will said: "So I have.
Anna was giggling and said:
"So, let's get more rum! But who's going to stay on the ship? I know we
can trust the crew, but..."
"Anna," Jack spoke. "Let's face it, you /don't/ trust any of them, right? Okay, so we wait for Gibbs to come back and we go. Poor man won't be having rum with us, he tried to starve us! He forgot to count us!"
"Aye!" Anna agreed and Will giggled. But he said:
"I can stay on the ship, so Gibbs can go with you.” He pd Gid Gibbs.
"Oh, no, Will, you're coming with /me/," Jack stated firmly.
Will smiled sweetly. How could he say no?
As soon as Gibbs arrived with two other members of the crew and brought
mfoodfood - for all the rest of the trip – Jack, Anna and Will went to
a tavern and Jack advised Gibbs to tell the crew they were free for the
night. "Except for you, mate."
Gibbs glared at him but was resigned. 'I may have deserved that.'
Jack, Will and Annamaria got to the tavern and ordered their drinks. It
was a better place than any Tortugan tavern, but was still a tavern; so
whores and rent boys wandered all around. Will noticed one of the boys
- who wasn't a boy at all, for seemed to be around thirty-something -
couldn't tear his eyes off Jack. And Jack was really beautiful that night...Will himself couldn't tear his eyes off of him. Will lusted for him...every day,he touched himself and thought of Jack while nobody was watching him. But he couldn't tell Jack the way he felt...not yet. Will had never been with anyone, which made it completely difficult for him to express his feelings.
But he was happy to be closer to Jack. It was all he wanted because
it would be easier for Will to tell him if he knew Jack liked him at
least as a friend.
And now Will knew it; Jack liked him as a friend. Maybe even /adored/
him. Wanted to be closer to him, talked to him when he was sad...
Will was so lost in his thoughts that he hadn't noticed that the rent boy who was looking at Jack had approached and made his offer. And Jack...had /accepted/! He had left the table he was with Anna and Will and started kissing the guy, who seemed really aroused to be with Jack.
Will felt his heart constrict in his chest. He wanted to cry. He knew
Jack did it, knew that Jack had sex with lots of people, Jack himself had told him. But it was completely different than actually /seeing/ it.
Will drowned himself in rum and Anna noticed he was unwell, as she had
been watching the lad all of those days on the ship, she said:
"It's Jack, isn't it?"
"Hm?"
"Jack. You like him."
"Of course I like him. So do you."
"Nay, Will. I asked if you /liked/ him. As in 'more than friends'" she
said tenderly, so as not to scare the boy.
"Oh."
Anna gave him a small smile.
"It's okay Will. You can open yourself up to me. I won’t tell him."
Will looked at her sadly.
"Is it that obvious?"
"More or less," she smiled. Then said: "Will. You have no need to be sad. Those rent boys...or whores...don't mean a thing to Jack."
"Why does he do it, then? Why does he choose them? Why not..." Will fell silent before he spoke too much, but Anna said:
"Why not you? Well, because it takes a lot of time to Jack trust a person. Ye know Will, most people approach Jack only when they want something. He resents it deeply. So, he doesn't open himself to love...not anymore..."
Will nodded. He was so drunk he thought he would pass out. But Will
Liked to drink and he was strong enough for it.
"So...he's not what I thought he was." Will said sadly. "He doesn't know how to love anymore."
Anna pulled Will to her and said:
"Much on the contrary, Will. Jack has so much inside him...ye see, he lays with lots of whores and rent boys, but his heart is always anywhere else. They only have his body... I myself think that he has such a capacity to love that he is afraid to show it...so he only has sex...it's more secure to him...he can't get hurt by whores or rent boys..."
Anna spoke again:
"Jack is a dreamer, Will. Just like ye are. Ye both deserve each other. Ye want the same things from life...ye want to love...more than be loved..."
Will looked at her and his eyes were watering. Drunk as he was, he thought of going after Jack at that very moment and telling him the way he felt.It didn’t matter if Jack was in a corner of the tavern with the rent boy.
Before Will could do anything, Jack came back to the table and said to his friends:
"I'm going outside. Are ye going back to the ship or are ye gonna
stay?"
"I'm going to the ship, Jack." Anna said.
"Yeah, me, too." Will agreed.
Jack nodded and left with the guy. Annamaria and Will paid the barkeeper and left. But when Anna started to take the way to the ship, Will turned around.
"I'm going after Jack, Anna. I don't care if he is with this rent boy.
I'm gonna tell him how I feel."
Anna smiled at him. She wanted them to be together. They were so cute
when they were together! She rooted for them. And said:
"Good luck, Will."
Will smiled at her and went down the path he had seen Jack going.

End of Chapter 5

TBC