The End Justifies the Means

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Why is it that when you are searching for something lost, it’s always in the last place you look?

After wandering the ship for what felt like days and with my disposition growing more and more agitated, I finally located Padmé in one of the handful of small, private viewing stations designed with the purpose of impressing future visiting dignitaries, or possibly entertaining guests of the government. It wasn't the first time I’d been there. A few hours before I was officially released from the medical ward, Obi Wan had brought me there to privately discuss all that had transpired since we’d seen each other on Coruscant. Before we parted company again, he to find Padmé and I back to the sick bay for my final med-scan, my Master suggested I use one of the rooms for my daily meditations. Doubtless, he thought I might be distracted in the stateroom with a certain senator nearby.

Sometimes Obi Wan actually understood me.

The soft carpet beneath my feet masked my footsteps as I bypassed rooms I knew were empty without even having to look. The restricted area through which I was moving was accessed from a private corridor and was off limits to anyone but officers and guests of the Republic. From that corridor several smaller hallways branched off, with each leading to its own separate viewing room. I supposed the arrangement of multiple rooms was intended to allow several different groups to be accommodated at the same time and thus keep potential culture clashes to a minimum. It was a consideration that would likely come in handy with the galactic war we were fa.
.

Padmé had chosen the room furthest from the main door, probably in some subconscious hope that a minor difference in distances would somehow keep me from finding her. Having Obi Wan back on board had made her ridiculously skittish. I, on the other hand, wasn’t nearly as self-conscious as I was frustrated. After just a few hours apart I needed to be with her, I needed to bathe in the reality that she was truly mine.

I needed my fix.

I rounded the wall that served to block the room's interior from the hallway, designed to allow the occupants a degree of privacy I imagined, and gave the area a quick once over. It was the largest of all the stations but otherwise similar to the others in every way.

The room was designed on a curve with comfortable but militaristic high backed chairs and couches arranged in a multi rowed semi-circle, rather like a theater. Every seat was positioned to take advantage of the room's dramatic focal point, the floor to ceiling viewing port that laid the vast reaches of space at the viewers feet like some gigantic black carpet set with thousands of twinkling jewels.

The ship's designers had purposely left the rooms without the availability of artificial light so the breathtaking vista would never lose its place on center stage. My eyes immediately searched for and found the figure standing motionless in front of the expansive port. The tightening in my chest and the swell of emotion that accompanied it struck me as it always did when Padmé had been out of my sight for even the shortest period of time. Would that feeling ever stop? Was it possible that a time would come when the sight of her would fail to send electricity humming through my body? I hoped not.

Dwarfed by the huge window she stood in front of, she was leaning forward with her forehead resting against the smooth surface and her hands pressed flat at either side of her head. She looked for all the universe like a little girl on her first space flight, intent upon seeing as much as possible.

My eyes strayed past her to momentarily take in the star field as the voice of my nine year old self whispered in my head. The ghost memory temporarily obliterated the present, taking me back to the moment in time when I’d made an impulsive vow to Qui Gon under the night sky.

{I want to be the first to see them all}

I no longer remembered his reply just the soothing rumble of his voice; a voice that had too soon been silenced forever. The Jedi Master had saved me from obscurity, had believed in me when no one else could be bothered. It was due to his dying wish that Obi Wan had been forced to take me on as a Padawan. Familiar regret at what might have been tasted bitter in my mouth.

Shaking off the past with effort, I shifted my gaze back to Padmé. As spectacular as the view was and as strong a grasp as the past seemed to have over me, neither could successfully hold my attention the way Padmé did.

My eyes once again alighted on the girl who would soon be my wife, lovingly tracing the familiar lines of her body. As if on cue a tremor shook her slender shoulders. Condensation from where her breath fogged the glass spoke of how cold it must be standing so close to the icy depths of space. Without taking her eyes from the view or giving any visible sign she was aware of my presence, she suddenly shattered the stillness.

“Anakin, you should not be here. Obi Wan is nobody’s fool. You know he is just waiting for an excuse to find me a different escort or to keep me on board until Coruscant.” Padmé warned.

I hated it when she allowed logic to interfere with passion. I had a driving need for her to feel everything as intensely as I did, to be as reckless as I was. Illogically, I need her to prove over and over that she needed me like air and water. Only then would my constant doubts and insecurities be allayed. My mind resided in a fool’s paradise. I didn’t realize then that marriage would actually exacerbate my worries instead of relieving them and any relief would always be elusive and transitory.

“He’ll be busy on the bridge for hours and I haven’t seen you all afternoon.” The last part sounded more plaintive than I’d intended. Clearing my throat, I tried a different tactic. “Besides, no one ever comes here….just like the library.” I said meaningfully.

Padmé lifted her head and our gazes met in the reflection of the glass. I stared back at her ghostly image, mesmerized by the wealth of emotions flickering in the twin pools of her eyes. A soft sigh of exasperation came from her, one that sounded suspiciously like the one my mother use to give when I was acting against her wishes. It was an impatient sound tinged with reluctant humor. For some reason the maternal reminder didn’t bother me as much as it once would have done.

A small, reluctant smile tugged at the corners of the reflection’s inviting mouth and then she turned to face me. Padmé leaned back against the transparent wall that separated us from the heavens, her eyes demurely downcast and her hands tucked behind her back. But when the shadowed sweep of lashes lifted, there was nothing timid about them. The glow from the constant night sky danced in her hair, bringing out deep chestnut highlights that threaded themselves amongst the rich brown strands. Bathed in the soft light lent an ethereal quality to her shadow-softened features. I couldn’t take my eyes off her and my heart skipped a beat accordingly.

“Tell me again, Anakin. Tell me what we are about to do will not destroy us.” A sudden tremor entered her voice that was at odds with her unconsciously flirtatious body language. “Tell me.”

“It won’t, Padmé, I swear it.” I murmured with conviction I was far from feeling as I closed the distance separating us with a few long strides.

Padmé sighed again but this time it was one of surrender. It was the sound someone drowning makes seconds before the cold water pulls them under for the last time. The haunting and melancholy thought knotted the muscles in my neck and shoulders and a frisson of fear slithered down my spine.

{No matter how hard you try not to, you will lose her}

I shoved the memory to the back of my mind, ruthlessly forcing the frightening words into the gaping jaws of the beast residing there. Its sharp, vicious teeth made short work of its prey before it retreated once more to leave me in uneasy peace.

My hands curved over the soft swell of her hips, tilting them forward to press into mine. The alluring fragrance of her body worked its usual magic, with the heat and closeness only intensifying my desire. Suddenly, I was reminded of how much time I’d already wasted.

I captured one of her hands and drew it upwards. Brushing my lips against the inside of her wrist, I tasted the beat of her pulse with the tip of my tongue, drawing a sudden shiver from her slight frame. The betraying reaction pleased me for some unaccountable reason that I chose not to investigate too closely. Instead, I unleashed a slow smile as I scanned her upturned face.

“Do I frighten you, Padmé?” I whispered against the soft skin of her wrist, enjoying the way her breath hitched in her throat and the feel of her rapid pulse fluttering wildly against my tongue.

For a long moment she didn’t respond, not because she didn’t know how to answer, but because it pained her to acknowledge the truth. The poised senator was undone by a man’s touch and a forbidden touch at that and she didn’t like it.

“How you make me feel frightens me.” Padmé admitted finally, forcing the unwelcome admission out.

"How do I make you feel?” I pressed her further. “Tell me.”

Her fingers curled around my hand and her eyes turned unfathomably dark under the continuation of my intense scrutiny. I swear I could hear the blood rushing through her veins and the pounding of her heart.

“You make me feel,” Padmé whispered. “Everything.”

I inhaled sharply, the heat in her gaze piercing my heart and sending electrical impulses along every nerve ending. I placed a swift kiss into the palm of her captured hand and then moved it down to lay flat against my chest where I pressed it against the sliver of bare skin exposed by the open V of my tunic.

“Touch me.” I ordered in a tone that was like satin wrapped in steel. “Touch me like you did when you found me asleep.”

Twin spots of color burned her cheeks and visible tremble ran through her but she didn’t try to move her hand away. Limpid brown eyes stared up at me uncertainly before darting nervously over my shoulder to the empty room behind me.

“Just a little, then we’ll go.” I promised her in appeasement.

Padmé dragged her eyes back to regard me with unflattering doubt. Her teeth sank into the soft skin of her bottom lip, worrying the tender flesh, and indecision furrowed her brow. I tugged at her imprisoned hand causing it to slip past the barrier of material and over my naked flesh. Immediately, she dropped her gaze to study with untoward fascination the place where her hand disappeared inside my shirt. Padmé’s breath grew shallow and she stood perfectly still as my heart beat steadily beneath her touch. Fear of discovery still warred with what her body wanted in a struggle played out through time. An age passed before she finally came to a decision.

As if spellbound, she reached up with her free hand to carefully pull the sides of my tunic apart so it hung open to my waist. Then, after one last indecisive pause, Padmé tentatively spread her hands against the wall of my chest and smoothed them down my torso. The delicate caress sent the blood rushing to my groin with startling speed and I had to grit my teeth to keep from crowing in triumph; afraid the sudden noise would startle her like a skittish animal.

It’s amazing what the simple act of touching can achieve in the human body and mind. I dropped my head back to stare blindly at the ceiling, reveling in the way Padmé was so freely exploring me. My breathing grew harsh and staggered under her seductive ministrations. I fought for control even as I luxuriated in the way her fingers reverently traced the outline of bone and sinew beneath skin, the way she teased my rock hard nipples with the palms of her hands, and the way she skimmed her nails over my abdomen just to watch the muscles involuntarily recoil. Wherever she touched, she left a path of fire in her wake.

The rapid pulse beating at the base of my throat drew her fascinated attention next and she reached up to run a finger back and forth over it lightly. I exhaled sharply at her touch, my hands squeezing her waist. It was a reflective reaction I could not control.

Warm breath feathered over my skin and a guttural groan sounded from the back of my throat. It wasn’t in my nature to stand idly by while the girl I loved was doing such seductive things to me. I simply couldn’t remain passive a moment longer. My hand left its home at her hip to slide up her back and tease the tender skin at the nape of her neck. A sigh of sheer pleasure escaped me as I threaded my fingers through the silky mass of curls and tugged her face up to mine. Patience had failed me yet again.

“Don’t stop what you’re doing.” I rasped against her lips before slanting my mouth over hers in a fiery kiss. I greedily swallowed the passionate moan that escaped her as I dug my fingers into her scalp and hair, ruthlessly tangling them amongst the chocolate strands for better purchase.

Padmé’s mouth parted willingly under the insistent pressure from my lips, melting like sugar in the rain. Delving inside, I feasted on her sweetness hungrily, devouring her with sweeps of my tongue and nipping sharply at her lips. She answered back and soon our tongues were dancing and twining with mounting passion. Trapped as her hands were between our bodies, Padmé attempted to maintain her caresses by sliding down to the flesh of my abdomen and waist. The tiny, tortuous circles she drew with the tips of her fingernails sent bolts of desire shooting through me and I tightened my grip in her hair, fighting the urge to crush her to the glass wall at her back.

The heated caresses of flesh upon flesh drew forth shudders that shook me from head to toe. I was on sensory overload and bitterly regretting my promise to end it after a just a few caresses and kisses when Padmé deviated from the prescribed plan and unwittingly changed the rules of the game dramatically. A worldly woman would have thought twice before throwing down the gauntlet, an innocent one didn’t know any better.

Unable to move her hands upward she chose a dangerous alternate course of action. Her fingers coasted lower, teasing the skin above my waistband, occasionally dipping just inside to skim the hidden flesh with tantalizing promise. My ability to think and reason was fast disappearing as Padmé continued to play with fire and boldly torment me. Still, she was safe enough until she did the unexpected and ran her hand down over the bulge straining against the front of my pants. My heart flipped in my chest and my insides turned to liquid as my innocent Padmé brazenly cupped my hardness with a knowing hand.

I was strangely torn by the turn of events. On one hand, I relished her initiating such intimate contact, taking it as the longed for and constantly craved proof that she wanted me as much as I wanted her. Yet on the flip side was the knowledge that I didn’t want her to have any more control over me than she already did. I wanted the upper hand – I needed the upper hand. I was determined that I would always lead in that particular dance.

Tearing my mouth away, I stared down at her in disbelief. Padmé’s mouth turned up in a small smile of decided feminine triumph. It wasn’t a smile I particularly liked. She was exulting in her suddenly discovered power over me and I couldn’t allow it. That power, so uniquely female, threatened me in its defiance - and I’d already had enough defiance from Padmé to last me a lifetime.

So disconcerted was I by her unprecedented boldness, I actually found myself preparing the words to remind her of my earlier promis cal call a halt to our tryst. I had no sooner opened my mouth when she brazenly stroked my aroused length through the fabric with deliberate provocation, her innocent brown eyes, slumberous with desire, boring into mine. Was that a dare I saw there? Did she really think that I could stop now?

The blood in my veins ignited. The breath hissed in my throat and my nostrils flared with lust. I stilled her hand swiftly, cold metal biting into her delicate flesh and bone. Padmé had issued a challenge, intentional or not, and no man could be blamed for taking it up.

“Oh, you shouldn’t have done that, milady.” I muttered thickly, pinning her hands down at her sides. “I don’t care who walks in, we’re finishing what you just started - now.”

Gripping her hard about the waist, I moved swiftly backwards, dragging her with me, using the Force as my eyes. Her startled cry at the unexpected move rang in my ears, the meaning behind my words breaking through the seductive fug and stirring up misgivings that this was neither the proper place nor time. I wasn’t about to be reasoned with though. Primal desire had taken the reins of control and my body was clamoring for culmination. It was all her fault.

I sat down swiftly when I reached the couch and temporarily released Padmé. Immediately she tried to back away but my hand snaked out quickly to seize her about the wrist and keep her in place. With my free hand, I patted my leg, indicating I wanted her on my lap. A crooked half smile lit my face as I released my hold, my eyes daring her to even think about trying to wiggle out of her predicament.

“Lift up your skirt and straddle me.” I said in a smoky voice full of promise.

My demand was met by a harsh intake of breath and a deeper rush of color, and my piercing gaze locked with hers. To my everlasting surprise she actually started to do as I told her. There was a glimmer of relief in her eyes as she let go and surrendered control to me. By doing so she could later tell herself she’d been seduced into acting so wantonly, that it was my fault. But the undeniable truth was that Padmé was as addicted to the chase as I was to the hunt. Though if I were ever foolish enough to put that thought into words, I’d no doubt she would deny it a thousand times over. For someone so opposed to lying, I couldn’t help but notice how well skilled she was at deceiving herself.

With shaking hands, Padmé began to pull the light material of her dress upwards. She had gotten no further than her knees when she abruptly stopped, doubt and her shy nature briefly reasserting their power over her. She threw a telltale nervous glance towards the entrance behind me, hesitation written across her face as she weighed the possible consequences of our being caught in such a compromising situation. Frustration at the delay made my voice gruff with emotion.

“Now, Padmé.”


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TBC
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