PotC MST

If you want more MSTs some of you are going to have to send me some badfics, cuase i'm fresh out. send them to alieneeeter@yahoo.com

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Jack and Norrington had turned the scrabble board into a drinking game, the opposite player forced to take a shot when the other made a word larger than five letters. While Norrington was winning, he was still more drunk than Jack, lightweight that he was, and thus Jack was starting to catch up as Norrington began to misspell things.

Elizabeth sat on the couch, Will on the floor at her feet while she braided his hair. “She’s making you look like a pouf,” Jack told him, looking up from the game.

“Anything to keep her happy,” Will answered glumly. “Anything.”

“The two of you could take up a leaf in Will’s book,” Elizabeth replied. “He knows how to keep a woman happy.”

“Braiding hair has nothing to do to with keeping a woman happy,” Norrington replied sardonically. “Trust me.”

“Oh? And how would *you* go about it?”

“I--” he stopped, and turned back.

Jack laughed aloud. “You know what’s going on in his mind.”

“You’re both disgusting,” Elizabeth said, smiling all the while.

Their captor appeared, wearing a mismatch of clothes--a leather jacket, top hat, and frilly shirt. “Which is why we love them,” she added to Elizabeth’s comment, tossing the papers of a new fic to Elizabeth. “New story.”

“We’re thrilled,” Will replied.

>>>>>Attack of the Johnny Depps
by CreamLemon

NORRINGTON: Ambiguous sort of title.

ELIZABETH: Don’t you remember, that name was used in the first story. It said that Jack looked like him.

>>>>>Elizabeth, Will, and James had a problem.

WILL: That’s right. We’re trapped in this room.

>>>>Whenever they watched Captain Jack on the deck of the black pearl they all got hot and tingly down below.

JACK: I know I’m wonderful. I’m touched, truly.

ELIZABETH: Oh, bugger off.

>>>>>It was why James (now known as Dirty Jim) abandoned his commodoreship for a second time, why Will kept crawling back to Jack even though Jack was always using him, and Lizzy, even though it was her fault he died.

ELIZABETH: I was only saving our *lives.*

NORRINGTON: I don’t mind.

WILL: I do! There must have been a better way to go about it.

JACK: On the contrary, I think it was *quite* effective.

>>>>>Because he was Jack, and they loved him.

NORRINGTON: (glaring at Jack) Don’t say a word.

>>>>>In that hot n’ bothered way.

WILL: I object!

ELIZABETH: It’s okay Will. You make me hot and bothered too.

NORRINGTON: ‘Too’? So Jack does do something for you. A filthy unwashed pirate.

JACK: Look in the mirror recently, ‘Dirty Jim’

NORRINGON: I hate you.

>>>>“He’s mine,” Will said one day, finding Elizabeth hanging all over the dear captain and pulling her aside.

WILL: Here we go again.

>>>>>“How do you figure that?”

“Like this!” Will ran up to Jack and kissed him hard on the lips.

WILL: I want to go home.

>>>>Jack returned the favor, and when the two men separated he smiled at Elizabeth, then pushed Will aside

ELIZABETH: Oh good, my turn.

>>>>and went over to Dirty Jim, both kissing and groping him.

NORRINGTON: I guess the best man won.

>>>>Elizabeth and Will were furious. “THeres got to be something that wee can do,” Elizabeth said. “BUt what?” Will asked.

Elizabeth went to Tia Dalma first. “I need Jack, but I know I can never have him all to myself. Can you help me?”

ELIZABETH: Oh wonderful. We have to deal with *that* lunatic.

JACK: Are you jealous of every female I make the acquaintance of? I’ll have you know I met Tia and Ana long before I knew you. Not to mention the dozens of other women.

ELIZABETH: I’m not jealous!

NORRINGTON: Oh, you are too!

>>>>“For de right price,” Tia Dalma said, “I may be able to arrange something.”

ELIZABETH: Ah, wonderful.

>>>>“What price?” Tia Dalma grinned. “You must bring me a token that proves how much you love him, how much you willing to pay.”

ELIZABETH: A rock and a half-crown perhaps.

JACK: I merit a whole half-crown? Lucky me.

>>>>The very next day Will arrived on her doorstep asking for the very same thing. “I can help you,” she told him, “For de greatest treasure you can bring me.”
On the third day Dirty Jim came to see here. “Get me something of real value, something worth as much as your Jack be worth to you, and I give you what you ask for.”

NORRINGTON: This is not looking any brighter.

>>>>>So the three Pirates went off to find the greatest treasures they could find. They had many adventures, and they returned in due time to Tia Dalma’s hut on the same day. Tia looked over the pirates carefully, each one holding their gifts to her.


ELIZABETH: What, we don’t get to see the adventures?


NORRINGTON: Writer’s probably too lazy.


>>>>>Elizabeth handed her a small bottle of sparkling liquid. “This is every tear I’ve cried since Jack and I have met.” The bottle was crystal and had a jeweled cap. “I found the bottle at the bottom of the ocean in the wreck of a pirate ship off the coast of Maryland in the Americas.”


JACK: Not bad. Personal, yet impressive.


ELIZABETH: Thank you.


WILL: Oh, don’t take credit.


>>>>>“Dis be a good payment,” Tia Dalma told her. “I can give you an essence of Jack Sparrow, and nothing more. I must perform a spell now.” And she did, and there was a flash of light. When they could see again, standing among them was a young man in a white t-shirt, jeans, and a black leather jacket. His most distinguishing feature was the small tattooed tear falling from his eye.


WILL: What on earth is it talking about? What are ‘jeans?’


NORRINGTON: No doubt an item from the time period we are in now.


>>>>>“Who is he?” Dirty Jim asked, suddenly envious.


“He’s gorgeous,” Elizabeth cried, throwing herself at the young man. He did indeed look like a much younger version of Jack.


ELIZABETH: Look at me. I guess I got lucky.


WILL: I hate you some days.


>>>>“Boy,” Tia Dalma said, “What be your name?”


>>>>“Wade Walker,” the boy said, bewildered. “But they call me Cry-Baby. What’s going on?”


JACK: A kid that looks like me named ‘Cry-Baby?’ Oh please.


>>>>>“How do you like piracy?” Elizabeth asked, taking him by the hand and leading him away from the others.


JACK: I’m so easily replaced then?


ELIZABETH: He’s younger than you. He’ll last longer.


JACK: Well thanks a lot.


>>>>>Next Dirty Jim gave her a blade caked with blood. “This is the weapon of the headless undead pirate Fred the Undead. He stabbed me, but I emerged victorious.”


JACK: Okay, I know pirates are fond of rhyming and alliterated names, but there is a limit, I think.


NORRINGTON: I’m embarrassed myself.


ELIZABETH: ‘Dirty Jim’ starting to sound pretty good then?


NORRINGTON: Yes, surprisingly.


>>>>>“Ah yes, very good,” the witch said. “As I told miss Swann, I canna give you Jack. I can give you this.” She did another spell and when the flash of light was gone, a pale, clean-shaven man in a long black coat and a white collar stood before them. He also looked like Jack, only he was much cleaner.


ELIZABETH: I can see why we went for alternatives over the real thing.


>>>>>“What is the meaning of this?” the man demanded. “I’ll have you know I am a constable, and I wont take being kidnapped lightly.”


JACK: Looks like you got yourself an uppity one.


NORRINGTON: All the more fun to break.


WILL: You’re disgusting.


NORRINGTON: Get over it.


>>>>>Dirty Jim stepped up to him. “James Norrington, sir,” he said.


ELIZABETH: Oooh, look at you all proper.


>>>>>“Ichabod Crane.” He turned and looked at Tia Dalma. “That woman. She looks like a witch. I’ll have nothing to do with the supernatural ever again, thank you very much.”


WILL: Ha!


NORRINGTON: You know our lives were normal before we met Jack Sparrow.


ELIZABETH: Yeah, but what fun was that?


WILL & NORRINGTON: Plenty.


>>>>>Jim let out a long, loud laugh. “Then you are in a peck of trouble, pet. C’mon. Let us get aquaninted. Are you a top or a bottom?”


WILL: Pet? You call other men Pet?


NORRINGTON: Yes. Shall I call you ‘pet‘?


ELIZABETH: Only if we get to call you Dirty Jim.


>>>>After Jim and Ichabod left only Will remained with Tia Dalma. “What do ye have for me boy Turner?”


>>>>>Will gulped. “I had a problem see.


JACK: Big surprise there.


>>>> I tried to get this cursed amulet, and then I tried to get you a mermaid tale. I had a narwhal horn, but I broke it…


ELIZABETH: Mermaid tales and Narwhal horns?


JACK: On the contrary, those are just the things Tia Dalma would be interested in.


>>>>I thought about a kitten, but in the end. . .well, you like chocolates, right?” He held out a carboard heart shaped box with a pitiful smile on his face.


JACK: Tia Dalma would eat a kitten. The chocolates were the better choice.


>>>>Tia sighed. “Well if that be the best you can do.” When the flash of light cleared a man in a velvet coat, purple rubber gloves, a top hat and really bad hair stood before them. “Goodmorning sunshine,” the man said with a plastic grin on his face. “The earth says hello.” He would look like jack, except he was really freakish and scary.


WILL: I feel like I’ve been cheated.


ELIZABETH: I think you did pretty well in exchange for a box of chocolates.


>>>>>“Bloody hell, Tia!” Will cried. “What the hell is this?”


>>>>>“It’s what you get for a box of chocolates.”


“I have a feeling,” Norrington said, “That this story is one big inside joke that we are not privy to.”


Elizabeth sighed, setting aside the papers. “There wasn’t any dirty parts. Not really.”


Jack grinned. “If you want a dirty part,” he said, standing and starting to undo his belt.


“That will not be necessary,” the Devil Woman said on returning. “THe last thing I want is for Will to kill you with the Scrabble board.”


“Who’s this Johnny Depp person?” Elizabeth asked.


“Oh, you’d love him,” she replied. “In fact--” she snapped her fingers and a big black box appeared on a stand. “Here.” She opened a door of the TV stand to reveal a very large collection of slim colored boxes. “The complete Johnny Depp collection. Jack, you’re going to love this.”