Secret Boxes

He slowly turned around and walked into the kitchen and looked at Jack. He saw that Jack was crying and shaking all over. He looked pale and was breathing rapidly. Too rapidly. Jack swayed slightly, gripping the chair to steady himself.

“Ennis…I…love…you…” he said, breathlessly

With that Jack eyes rolled back in his head and he started to fall, the combination of driving fatigue, alcohol and hightend emotions all too much for him. Ennis rushed to grab him and caught him in his arms and slowly fell with him to the ground, holding him tight, meaning to never let him go.

“Jack…Jesus Lil’ Darlin’…it’s alright…I gotcha…”

He held him close, murmuring words to try and rouse him and he started to slowly rock. He let Jack’s words flow through him like a calm and warm river. His heart felt like it would burst he was so happy. He never really knew if Jack loved him as neither of them had ever said it. He’d always thought he did, because of the way he fought for him. But to actually hear the words, to hear them come from Jack’s soft lips, made he feel like he was filled with a deep warm fire. He kissed his hair, then ran his fingers through the silky strands. He leaned in and kissed his temple, closing his eyes as he did, savouring the taste and smell and feel of the skin. He looked lovingly at the beautiful face of the man he loved and started to hum the tune he’d heard on the radio on his way here. The song made him feel so happy and so sad at the same time. He knew, that whatever happened, that song would always make him think of Jack

After a few minutes Jack started to stir and fidget in Ennis’ arms. Ennis just clung a little tighter. Jack was confused and disorientated, his eyes not yet open so started to fight back a little. Ennis just held on for dear life, afraid to let go

“Please Jack…it’s alright Lil’ Darlin’…come on now…calm down…shhhh”

Jack stilled a little then slowly opened his eyes. He blinked a few times to get the picture in front of him to focus. He had to almost to a double take because there was no way that Ennis was holding him, rocking him, stroking his hair, kissing his forehead. He slightly shook his head to try and clear it but the vision remained. Ennis was holding him like he would never let go. He fidgeted a little because the way he was laying wasn’t very comfortable. Ennis made no move to release him and in fact squeezed Jack even tighter. Unfortunately for Jack, oxygen or lack of it was becoming an issue.

“Ennis…I cain’t breathe properly” he gasped

“Oh…sorry” Ennis said quickly and lessened his grip, but didn’t let go.

“Ennis…can I get up now? Yer knee is diggin’ in my hip”

“Oh…sorry Jack” he said quietly and shifted their positions so Jack was now laying between Ennis’ legs. It was a bit more comfortable, but he still would prefer to be sitting on a chair. The hard floor was making his ass go to sleep

“Ennis…please cowboy, can I get up? I need a glass of water.”

“Oh…right” Ennis slowly and reluctantly let go of Jack and slowly helped him up, steadying him a little when he got a little dizzy. He moved with Jack to the living room to sit on the sofa which was the most comfortable. Ennis tried to get Jack to lie down, but Jack stubbornly refused. Ennis dashed into the kitchen and in about 30 seconds he was back with a glass of water and a cool damp cloth to put on the back of Jack’s neck, to help with the dizziness.

“You alright?” Ennis asked, as he knelt in front of Jack, looking at him carefully, his eyes full of concern

“Yeh I fine now, thanks” Jack said and started to sip the water.

“Thank god! Ya gave me quite a scare there Jack. Ya went down like someone had shot ya”

“Sorry” he said quietly, embarrassed that he just fainted in front of Ennis.

“It’s ok. Jist glad yer alright” he said with a smile. He got up off his knees and moved to sit in the chair opposite him. He watched him in silence for a few minutes. At this point Jack cracked. He couldn’t stand their silence and he had so many questions but he didn’t know where to start.

“Ennis?”

“Yeh?”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Tell ya whut?”

“Ya know damn well whut. Why didn’t ya tell me ya loved me?”

“Why didn’t you?”

“’cause I thought if I did, you’d bolt. Didn’t know if ya felt the same Ennis. Ya don’t talk much and ya seemed determined to never want to be with me all the time. Which, I now found out, wasn’t true. So, you’ve been lyin’ to me, all this time. Made me feel like shit every time I asked ya, no…begged ya to live with me. Ya always said no, made me feel stupid fer even thinkin’ it and all the time, all the fuckin’ time, ya agreed with me. D’ya have any idea how that makes me feel?”

Jack was angry again. All the years of pain and disappointment flowing out of him. He knew he should be happy that Ennis loved him, that Ennis did want to be with him, but the pain wouldn’t go away. All he could think of was all the wasted time. All the years they’d lost.

“Jack…I’m sorry” Ennis said quietly. He knew this was coming. Knew there would be anger, he just hoped it wouldn’t be too bad and they could work through it.

“Ya sorry? Ya fuckin’ sorry??!! Ya have no idea d’ya? No idea whut you’ve done. How long I’ve dreamed of you and me together. I felt like I was the only one fightin’ for it. It was me who looked you up, me who took the first step. I was at yer beck and call Ennis. Everythin’ was done to suit you, but ya never did nothin’ fer me. Not fuckin’ once. And now…now…you’ve gone and showed me different. All these years. 8 fuckin’ years you’ve felt like this and didn’t do one damn thin’. Jist let me try and try to make ya change yer mind. Ya know ya crushed all my hopes today.”

“I’m sorry” he said feebly.

He knew that sorry wouldn’t be enough. He had to tell him everything, he had to speak. But for the moment, he just had to let Jack get all this out. He was starting to realise, this was probably the cause of all the sadness he’d seen the past few years, the cause of his drinking. He had to let Jack get it all out of him. It was the only way to move on from it. So, he just sat there and let Jack talk.

“Ya know En…I’m gettin’ divorced. Ya wanna know why?” he didn’t wait for an answer. “I’ll tell ya why Ennis del Mar. It was because I found out you were. I don’t love Lureen, not sure I ever did. We was friends really, but it’s been going to hell the past few years. When I found out yer divorce had come through, I was so fuckin’ happy. I thought, that now ya didn’t have Alma ya would be free to be with me. That ya had no more excuses to turn me down. Then today…Christ Ennis…ya couldn’t even spare me five fuckin’ minutes. I know yer daughters were there, but I would’ve waited. Would’ve gone to a fuckin’ motel and waited ta see ya. I ain’t stupid En, I know how ya love yer girls and how important they are to ya. I ain’t that fuckin’ selfish.”

There was a silence for a few minutes as Jack composed himself. When he spoke next his voice was soft, the anger gone and now his voice was filled with something mysterious but beautiful

“That box En…that was….well…I had no idea ya felt like that. No idea ya did all that. It makes me so happy that ya wanted me to see it. That yer finally ready fer me to see it. I said ya crushed my hopes today, which ya did, but seein’ all that, you’ve given me more hope than I’ve ever had fer us. But the thin’ is, I don’t know if I want hope En. Especially if yer just gonna take it away from me again. I don’t know if I could handle it. Don’t think I’m strong enough to go through that. I want to hate you Ennis. I really do. For causin’ all this pain. But, I cain’t. I jist cain’t. I love ya too damn much too. So ya better tell me right now, why you’ve given me my hope back?”

“I hated to cause ya pain like that. I really did. I saw the way you changed over the years, saw the way yer light was fadin’ and all I wanted was to get it back. But I was scared. Not of whut I was feelin’ exact but was scared that if we ever did live together somethin’ bad would happen to ya. I weren’t scared fer me Jack, jist you. Ya know I told ya ‘bout Earl & Rich right? It weren’t jist that. I had dreams about ‘em all the time. When you started to talk ‘bout livin’ together, my dreams changed. Instead of seein’ Earl being beaten, it was you. All I could do was stand there and watch while they killed ya. I couldn’t bare that. I knew ya weren’t happy Jack, but at least ya were alive. When I heard ya cryin’ sometimes, all I wanted was to hold ya, give ya whut we both wanted and take that pain away. But, I jist couldn’t risk ya Jack. I jist couldn’t. I…I…”

“Tell me Ennis…please tell me” Jack begged. He needed to hear Ennis say the words. He seen them written down so he knew Ennis felt them, but he wanted Ennis to say them. He closed his eyes and held his breath.

“I love you Jack”

At those words, tears escaped his closed eyes and he sobbed. He lent forward and held his head in his hands, crying. Ennis moved towards him, knelt between Jacks legs and went to hold him. As soon as his hands touched him, Jack collapsed forward into his waiting arms, He held him tight, his own tears leaving silver tracks on his cheeks. He sobbed into Jack’s neck and Jack sobbed into his. They stayed locked in the position for a long time, just holding each other close, breathing each other in, letting the love that poured from the other person fill them.

Jack pulled back first, and cupped Ennis’ face, running his thumb along Ennis’ cheekbone, wiping away the tears. Ennis mirrored the actions and they stared deeply into each others eyes, searching for reassurance, searching for hope, searching for light, searching for love. When they were found, they moved together slowly into a tender kiss. They felt and revelled in the softness of the other persons lips, tasted the salt of their recent tears. Ennis ran his tongue gently over Jack’s bottom lip, carefully and softly requesting admittance. Jack opened to him and their tongues met deep in Jack’s mouth. Slowly they danced together, tasting and exploring. When Jack moved his tongue into Ennis’ mouth and began to massage and caress the warm and wet muscle, Ennis moaned softly and took Jack’s questing tongue and sucked on it gently. Jack answered with his own gentle moan. The kiss deepened, both trying to get as deep as possible, trying to find and taste each others soul.

This was a kiss Jack and Ennis had both longed to have. Not rushed, not urgent or desperate. Just a deep and soulful kiss that they never wanted to end. It felt so good, so needed, so overdue. They both knew they should have been kissing each other like this from the very beginning.

The broke apart reluctantly to breathe only to then meet again a little more urgently this time. The need and desire was building with each touch of their tongues. Jack gently pulled Ennis closer, his hands slowly moving to Ennis’ lower back. Ennis answered by running his hands gently up Jack’s back to his neck, where his fingers played with the hair, causing Jack to shiver with delight and let out a little moan. He released Ennis’ lips and stared at him. Ennis moved and tenderly started to bestow small kisses on Jack’s neck, right below his ear. He knew that this was a spot that Jack loved him to kiss and he loved to do it, because it gave Jack such pleasure. He took Jack’s earlobe gently in his teeth and started to nibble on it but soon returned to the skin on Jacks neck. Jack gasped and tilted his head back to give Ennis free range. Ennis licked on the skin, and gently took it in his teeth and bit, leaving his mark, quickly soothing the pain away with his warm tongue. Jack gasped again, louder this time. His arousal was spiralling higher and higher.

Ennis moved lower to kiss all the way down Jack’s neck and throat, hot little kisses that made Jack’s skin tingle and sing with sensation. Ennis kissed and lightly sucked on his Adam’s apple. His hands trailed to Jack’s chest where he rubbed gently over the material of his shirt. He longed to touch the warm skin underneath, longed to feel the silk and smoothness of it, taste it’s sweetness. He slowly started to unbutton the shirt, shifting lower with his mouth to kiss each new piece of exposed flesh. Jack shivered and started to fall backwards onto the sofa and Ennis went with him, his mouth and tongue leaving a hot and wet trail. Jack moved his hands to rest on the back of Ennis’ neck and started to slowly writhe as Ennis’ fiery mouth ventured lower and lower. Ennis pulled Jack’s shirt free of his jeans and kissed the skin near the waistband of the denim. He raised his eyes to look at Jack and his heart skipped a beat. Jack was flushed and sweating slightly, his eyes were rolling in pleasure and his breath was coming in short gasps with each flick of Ennis’ tongue.

Ennis started to rub Jack’s hard cock through his jeans, the friction of the material against it caused Jack to buck and writhe even more. He started to slowly open and remove the jeans, kissing and nipping at Jack’s hips and around the base of his erection. Jack couldn’t move or speak, all he could do was moan and gasp, his whole body shuddering every now and then. Ennis continued to kiss and lick all the way down Jack’s legs then removed Jack’s boots and jeans and licked and kissed his way back up. As he got to the sensitive inner thighs, Jack bucked hard and shot Ennis the sexist look he had ever seen. His own cock was throbbing with need but he ignored it, this was all for Jack. He wanted to show Jack just what he had always wanted to do, all the little fantasies he had, but they never had the time for. Most importantly, he wanted Jack to make love to him, he wanted to be filled by Jack, to be taken, to be claimed. To become Jack’s, forever.

He decided that the living room sofa wasn’t the right place for all this. He wanted Jack to be with him in his own bed, shitty though it may be, he still wanted to lie with Jack there, to make love with Jack there, to fall asleep with Jack there, to wake up with Jack there.

Slowly he scooped Jack up into his arms, startling Jack slightly, and carried him to his bedroom. When they got there, he gently and carefully laid Jack on it and turned the bedside lamp on, he wanted to see Jack, wanted to see all of him, never lose sight of him. Jack was lost, he had no clue as to what to expect next. This is what he’d always dreamed of, but the reality left his dreams in the dust. If this was what Ennis wanted to always do, he would gladly stay lost. He removed his shirt so he lay there completely naked, his arousal curled up against his stomach.

Ennis was standing by the bed and just looked at Jack. Really looked at him. It was one of the only times he had seen Jack like this. When they were in the mountains it was always too cold to be completely naked for long. When they were, they always quickly got under the cover of the sleeping bags to keep warm. The only other times he had seen Jack laid out like this was that second night in the tent and their reunion at the motel 4 years later. He drank in the vision before him. He ran his finger from Jack’s collarbone down his chest, to his stomach, then ran it teasingly down the length of Jack’s hard shaft. He felt Jack buck slightly and a small gasp escaped his perfect lips. He saw the way Jack’s eyes fluttered then closed, his long black eyelashes almost touching his cheekbone. When his eyes opened, the blue was so vibrant against the dark of his lust fuelled pupils. Ennis felt a shudder of arousal flow through him looking in Jack’s eyes, seeing the desire, the lust and the love that was flowing from those beautiful orbs of ocean blue.

Ennis started to slowly remove his shirt, his eyes locked with Jacks. He let the shirt slip from his shoulders and onto the floor. As his hands moved and started to rid himself of his own jeans, deep brown eyes stayed fixed on deep blue. Finally, he was naked, his own arousal jutted out proudly from his body. Ennis felt no shame anymore, didn’t care anymore what anyone thought. How could something that felt so right be wrong? Why did he ever think that? Why did he care what people thought? He didn’t know, and right then he didn’t care.

He slowly crawled onto the bed and laid down next to Jack and captured his mouth in a deep and sensual kiss. Jack moved slightly onto his side to tangle his legs around Ennis’. Both pairs of hands held on to hips and waists, both pulling the other closer, could never be close enough. Jack pulled Ennis on top of him as he rolled onto his back. They began to writhe against each other, gasps and moans being swallowed in each others mouths as their hard and hot arousals ground deliciously against one another. Ennis released Jack’s soft lips, nipping slightly at them, then trailed a series of fiery kiss all the way down Jack’s chest. He darted to one side and captured a nipple in his teeth and gently bit and tugged at it till it was hard, then proceeded to suck and lick at it. Jack moaned loudly, it felt so good, so unbelievably good. Ennis smiled, pleased that Jack was enjoying what he was doing as much as he was enjoying doing it. He abandoned that nipple and attended to the neglected one and bestowed the same upon it, until both were hard and tingling with sensations then left them both and scooted down the bed and kissed and nipped all the way down to the base of Jack’s erection. Ennis inhaled the deep musk and his own cock twitched with deep arousal at the hormone laden fragrance. Ennis shuddered slightly as the pleasure coursed through him.

Jack simply couldn’t move. His whole body felt like it was on fire. He didn’t think he’d ever been this aroused before, and Ennis hadn’t really done anything to him yet. All he done was kiss him and he was aching to find release. He nearly shot through the ceiling when Ennis licked a hot line from the base of his erection then circled his tongue round the head. Jack yelled out at the feeling

“Jesus Ennis…oh god…oh god!” he gasped and started to shudder all over. He was completely gone, his brain no longer functioning. He felt like he was in heaven. He thought nothing could feel better than Ennis’ tongue on his cock.

Ennis had never put his mouth on Jack’s cock before. He’d always wanted to but his fears and his reluctance to admit he was queer always stopped him. He could no longer deny it to himself anymore. He could say it now, he could admit it. He desired Jack’s maleness, he loved the feel of Jack’s stubble, his hard muscles, his cock. He wanted it, wanted to taste it, to feel it heavy on his tongue. So, he slowly took the hard flesh into his mouth, wrapping his lips tightly round it. Jack was wrong, Ennis’ tongue felt good but that was nothing compared to the sensations he felt having his cock in Ennis’s hot mouth.

“Fuck!! Oh fuck…!!!” he groaned, his hips bucking. He tried to stay still but he had no control over his hips. Ennis gagged a little so pulled back and just let Jack pump his cock in and out of his mouth. He remembered what Jack had done to him, that always made him feel good, so hummed and moaned around the shaft causing Jack to yell out again

“Aaaahhhh…Ennis…god…gonna cum…move off…uhhhhhh!!! Ennnisss….!!”

Ennis felt Jack’s cock vibrate and jerk a little in his mouth. His first instinct was to move off, but he didn’t. He wanted to taste Jack, wanted him to cum in his mouth, wanted whatever Jack was going to give him. He wanted a part of Jack to be inside him. So, he sucked hard and Jack’s cock shot out the warm fluid and Ennis was surprised that he actually liked the taste, so swallowed greedily, sucking even harder and humming to make sure he got it all, he wanted it all. Jack was just a blabbering mess, his breathing ragged, sweating and flushed, heart beating madly. His muscles contracted in delight as the orgasm flowed through his veins like electricity. Jack thought he was going to pass out. He hadn’t experienced an orgasm like this before. It seemed never ending and his cock was still hard. It throbbed and pulsed and he felt a deep longing to cum again.

Ennis released Jack’ cock and moved up Jack and kissed him. Jack moaned at the taste of himself in Ennis’ mouth. He slowly moved his hand down and took hold of Ennis’ cock and started to stroke it gently. Ennis gasped and ripped his lips away from Jack’s. He closed his eyes in bliss and started to pump his hips into Jack’s fist. He did this for a few moments then pulled away. It he didn’t stop, he would cum in Jack’s hand and he wanted more than that. He wanted to be inside Jack, wanted to feel his lover all around him. So he blazed a trail of fiery kisses all the way down Jack’s body again but didn’t stop at Jack’s cock. He kept going lower, licking and sucking at Jack’s balls then lower still. He encouraged Jack to turn over onto his stomach, which Jack did eagerly. Ennis pulled Jack onto all fours and started to massage his buttocks. As he parted the twin globes, Jack’s small pucker was on view and he couldn’t help the feeling and desire he felt to taste that too. He started carefully and slightly hesitantly by licking Jack’s buttocks first, nipping and biting the flesh, before he started to move closer and closer to the little hole. As he gave it a little lick Jack gasped in surprise and pleasure and he bucked slightly. Ennis was surprised again when he realised he didn’t mind the taste. It was a little salty and the scent of musk was even stronger, but not too bad. Feeling braver he licked it again, but slower, then tentatively started to push his tongue inside. The reaction from Jack was worth it

“Holy fuck Ennis…Jesus…do it again…once more…please…oh yeh…oh god…oohhhhhhh Ennis…!!”

Encouraged by Jack’s breathy pleas and moans of pleasure he pushed his tongue in further, as far as it would go. Jack was in ecstasy. Breath stolen, only whimpers and little mewls and deep purrs escaping now. The sounds, the tastes, the scents were madding to Ennis. His cock was aching and leaking copious amounts of pre-cum. He had to make love to Jack now, or it would all be over and he didn’t want to come in his own hand. He wanted to cum deep inside Jack. Wanted to cum at the same time as Jack. So, he removed his tongue ripping a moan of frustration and desire from Jack.

Ennis turned Jack back over onto his back and settled himself between Jack’s thighs, which opened wide in invitation and need. Ennis spoke, he had to tell Jack this

“Jack…I wanna make love to ya…want to see yer eyes when I do…want to feel ya everywhere…want to see ya cum…let me love ya”

“Ennis…please…I need ya so bad…I want ya so bad. Make love to me Ennis…please…I wanna feel it…wanna feel ya”

Ennis leaned in and kissed him deeply, then brought his fingers to Jacks mouth. Jack took them in and sucked on them, his eyes closed as he concentrated on not cumming from Ennis’ words and the sound of love and desire in his voice. Ennis removed his fingers and put them at Jack’s entrance and gently massaged around it until the muscles relaxed and then he slowly pushed two inside. Jack hissed at the slight burn which quickly disappeared when Ennis started to pump his fingers in and out. He then added a third and twisted his fingers slightly, stretching the tight channel. He gently rubbed Jack’s prostate and Jack went wild, his hips thrusting against Ennis’ fingers, rolling them to get more contact

“Aaaaaahhhhhh!!!!! Stop…gonna cum if ya don’t….want ya in me when I cum…please stop Ennis…”

Ennis obeyed and decided that Jack was prepared enough. He discreetly spat into his hand and delicately and carefully slicked himself. He took hold of his hard and needy cock and guided it to Jack’s ass, rubbed it around a little to add some more slick to the entrance, the slowly began to push in until he was sheathed to the hilt, both men gasping and groaning at the feeling. Ennis never could get over just how tight Jack was, how hot and smooth he always was. Jack never could get over how Ennis filled him so perfectly, the unbelievable pressure and extreme pleasure just having him inside him. They both stilled, just enjoying the feelings for a few moments.

Ennis eyes locked with Jacks again and he started to move his hips. Slowly and carefully at first, making sure to not hurt Jack at all, wanting to give him nothing but pleasure. His thrusts steadily got faster and harder. He rolled his hips, hitting Jack’s prostate

“Fuck Ennis…god…right there…oh yeh…right there…so good…Ennis…”

“Jack…ya feel so good…tell me…tell me what ya want…ask me again…please…ask me again” Ennis begged, slowing his pace, eyes fixed on Jacks. Jack looked at him, eyes steady, full of light and sparkling more than ever before.

“I only want you…all of you. All the time…forever”

“I’m yers. Always”

“Promise?”

“Promise”

“Oh god…oh god…Ennis …I love ya…so much…”

“I love ya Jack …love ya so much”

Ennis leaned in and kissed Jack deeply and passionately, tasted the salt of tears. Could be his, could be Jack’s, could be both. Didn’t really matter to either of them. Ennis stopped moving to savour this moment forever. Both had just declared their love for each other and both wanted to remember it. The kissed continued, on and on. Jack grabbed hold of whatever part of Ennis he could reach, wanted to hold all of him in his hands and never let go. He broke the kiss and stared deeply at Ennis and said clearly and proudly

“I love you Ennis del Mar. Always have and always will”

“I love you Jack Twist. Always have and always will”

A sob of relief and joy escaped Jacks lips and he smiled so brightly Ennis was almost blinded by it. He smiled back and rested his forehead on Jacks. Slowly, he pulled back and asked what he’d always wanted to ask

“Make love to me Jack…please…I want to feel you…please Jack”

“Oh Ennis…ya don’t hafta do that”

“Always wanted to” he confessed.

“I’ve always wanted to do it” Jack confessed too.

“Then do it Jack…please…make me yers”

“With pleasure Cowboy” he grinned.