Hindsight

Hindsight
Kireania

Warning: Sexual content in this chapter. It’s not to major but there is mention of porn and some description going on. Later chapters will be much more detailed and warnings will be given in advanced. Hmm there is some partial nudity here but besides that nothing really.

AN: This chapter is a filler chapter really and my plot will pick back up next chapter. Sorry but the idea came to me when I heard a little song and my friend and I were just joking around. So I wrote this chapter for both of us.

I’m sorry this one took so long to post but it is a lot longer than my other chapters. The feel to it is a bit different though. Tell me what you think. R&R.

Chapter Six: The Talk

I’ve never slept this well in my entire life. I’m warm, I’m comfortable, and to top it all off I feel even safer than before. I really don’t even want to wake up right now but my mind has a different idea, besides I do have to go bathroom pretty bad anyways.

I open my eyes and smile when I notice that the room is relatively dark. It’s still pretty bright for me but nowhere near as bad as that other room. That had been awful. Red’s room is set up so that all the main lights are off and he just has some background lights on so that he can move about, probably without killing himself. I frown lightly, If I remember correctly, they were all on when we fell asleep. He must have turned them off later, after I dropped off again.

Speaking of Red, I turn my eyes away from the ceiling and look at him. Well at his chest really. The way I’m situated my face is sort of burrowed right where his neck meets his chest and head was cushioned right there. I have to tilt my head my to see his face and when I do I notice that he is still sound asleep. None of the shock from seeing him for the first time is left, I feel like I’ve known him for my entire life and it’s completely natural for me to be here. If I stay here long enough I’m pretty sure I could forget about everything that has ever happened.

I know I’m smiling at him while he’s obviously out cold but that’s ok he makes me smile all the time when he’s awake anyway. I wiggle my arm out from where I had settled it between us so it wouldn’t jar if we moved while asleep and then I run my fingers over his face much like I had been doing when I first saw him. This time though I have much more reverence for him, and much less fear of him being mad at me for doing this. I actually think he was kind worried about my reaction to him, I’m not sure why but he seemed really cautious. I’ll have to ask him later.

I don’t want to wake him up but I can’t seem to help needing to run my fingers over his face making sure that he’s actually there. That I’m actually here. I trace his features lightly a few times and only stop when I notice that his breathing has increased slightly. I shouldn’t wake him up; he needs to sleep as long as possible. The urge to go bathroom hits me again and gently I squirm out of his arms. I roll off the other side of the bed and silently land on my feet, cats scattering around me. I smile at them and they instantly come back up to rub my legs.

I stand up and make sure that my departure hasn’t woken him up. He is still asleep thankfully. Once while on the internet there was a pop up and it was about a little person that was really sneaky and it had done a quick roll right before a little voice bubble popped up. I don’t know what it meant but I feel similar to it so chuckling to myself I whisper, “I am ninja.”

Now I have to ask Red what the hell a ninja is later. I should probably start a list for all these questions. Shaking my head I head towards a door that I hadn’t checked out earlier, I’m hoping that that is the bathroom. I really have to go to the bathroom now but I see something that instantly distracts me from my goal.

Red’s computer. I change directions and am soon in front of the monitor. I touch the keyboard and smirk when the screen just comes right up. My curiosity explodes when I see the enormous amount of programs he has on his desktops. I want to go through them all but my fear of making him angry hold me back. I’m nosy and curious but I’m not stupid…well I hope I’m not anyway. A specific program that I recognize catches my eye.

Windows Media Player© I click it open and my mismatched eyes widen at all the songs that he has. I don’t know any of them. The only reason I know this program is because I sent him my song on this program. On the side I see some lists with names, perhaps these are his playlists. There’s one called “DarkSummons”.

I click on my screen name’s list and I watch as the songs that are in the list load up. The very first one in the list is my song and I notice how many times it has been listened to. There is no other song in this list with this number…it’s so high. He really must like my song. I turn the sound down to pretty low and turn on the music. My head lolls from side to side as I listen to my song, I can’t believe that my voice actually sounds like that.

Standing up straight I leave his computer and go back to heading towards the bathroom. He seems to like music so I’m hoping he doesn’t mind that I turned it on. I’ll be out shortly anyway so I can turn it off before he wakes…

HOLY SHIT HIS BATHROOM IS HUGE!!!! Ok so I’ve just walked through the door that I didn’t check out earlier and indeed it is the bathroom. I see a toilet but I also see a tub, maybe about one person smaller than the pool in my houses basement and then there’s a shower that can hold at least ten people easily. I’m gaping at how huge this room is. I mean I know he’s not as small as a human but does he really take up that much space? I fidget with his shirt that I’m still wearing as I look around. I’ve never been in a bathroom so huge but I actually don’t feel dwarfed. It feels like him in here, it smells like him too.

I take care of having to go and I’m washing my hands thoroughly in his sinks when I see the shower again in the mirror. I haven’t had a shower in months. Showers are treats that I have to somehow earn and if I don’t earn them I have to take barely luke warm bathes. I’m sorely tempted to take a quick shower just to clean myself up and be a bit more presentable. I mean I was unconscious for a while and then I went back to sleep after walking around a building I have no clue how clean it is. I feel pretty dirty, I must smell awful too.

Turning off the sink I tiptoe over to the shower and look at it. Now how the hell do I get to it? My old shower just had a curtain you pulled back. Perhaps it’s the same idea just with a door. I reach out and gently try to slide the opaque door. It slides easily enough. Smiling brightly I peek my head in and look at the knobs that are scattered around the huge shower.

I can’t resist the call of this shower. I strip off the shirt and throw it to the floor before stepping inside and sliding the door shut. I don’t want to make a mess with the water accidentally spilling out. I turn one of the knobs all the way to the left expecting cold water to hit me just like the water at home does but it doesn’t. I’m hit with scolding hot water and I yelp and jump back right before slipping and falling onto my butt. I whimper slightly and squirm away from the extremely hot stream of water as I try to figure out what had just happened.

At home my shower takes at least ten minutes to get some heat to it so I just automatically turn it all the way up and when I do feel it warming up I turn it back down so they don’t yell at me. I guess here they get hot water right away. Wincing just a bit, I stand up and paste myself to the wall and crawl over to the knob that is on. Careful not to touch the water I turn the knob back about halfway and wait. I can almost instantly feel the temperature change. Now it feels a little chilled but I can step under it without hurting myself.

I fiddle with the dial and finally I get the perfect heat, and since my family is not here to scream and punish me I forget that there might be consequences for using the hot water. I don’t need the others on but I turn them on anyway and I almost whine in relief at the sensations. This feels amazing. Not only is all the water being sprayed on me a perfect temperature, the pounding sensation that is hitting my body just about everywhere is making my skin tingle. I hum loudly in appreciation.

I forget everything. I don’t know how long I’m in there, just twisting my body from side to side, sighing in pleasure. Everything is gone from my mind. My family no longer exists, my fears are no longer valid, and I am in paradise.

I’m pulled out of my daze when a cold breeze breaks over my skin sending goosebumps rushing to the surface and causing me to shiver. Opening my eyes I try to look through the door but it’s a little foggy. It’s clear enough that I can see that the door is still shut and that no one else is in here but I can’t make out anything else. Shrugging I pass it off, perhaps there’s a crack somewhere that leads to outside or there might be a window that I missed. But that breeze did bring me back. I can’t stay in here using up the water no matter how wonderful it feels.

Slightly upset, I look around and try to find a razor and some soap and shampoo. I find the shampoo and soap easily enough; a quick sniff and I know they belong to Red. I’ll be sure to use just a little. I actually have to go out into the cold bathroom to find a razor and find one tucked away in a drawer, must have belonged to Liz when her and Red were dating. Shrugging I take back into the nice hot shower with me. I moan when I feel the water after the cold air had had me shivering.

I quickly wash my long hip length blonde hair and then I wash the rest of my body before I shave. I finish everything in a manner of twenty minutes. I might not be the fastest person in the shower but at least I don’t cut myself.

I have to force myself to turn off the wonderful shower sprays and push open the doors to once again step open to the cool room. I know it’s only cold because I’m wet and I just stepped out of a hot shower but still its fricken cold. Shivering, I look for a towel and find a pile of large ones. Those would totally swamp me and I’m pretty sure those are for Red. Next to that pile there are some smaller ones. One fits around me just fine but my leg does show through easily enough through a slit. No big deal, everything else is covered up.

I wonder if Red is up yet…maybe he’ll loan me another shirt cause I don’t think I should put the other one back on if I just showered to get clean. Doesn’t make any sense to me. I head towards the door and step back out to the bedroom.

It seems Red is awake. He’s standing next to the door completely dressed talking with the blue thing and with…it takes a moment for my mind to recognize to the second guy in the room but I smile as soon as I realize that it’s John Myers that I’m looking at.

“Krys, I have to go take care of…uh...some…stuff. I’ll be…back in….a while.” Red’s voice is strained and I frown a little at him but nod and watch as he practically runs out of the room leaving me with the blue thing and John. I might be comfortable with Red and I could perhaps stretch that to include John but there is no way that I’m even remotely relaxed with the blue thing around.

It’s obvious that Red wouldn’t leave it here with me and John if he didn’t trust him but I don’t know him so I can’t really say how I feel. Sure I only talked to John that one time but I still got a feel for him through that conversation. I inch my way behind John and make sure that I completely shielded from the blue thing, as much as I can anyway. I’m pretty sure it’s watching me and I peek over John’s shoulder and sure enough I see it blink at me and I duck down again.

I’m not exactly sure why that thing freaks me out when Red doesn’t but it does. John must be trying to talk to me but I’m not paying attention to him in the least. I’m more focused on figuring out what that blue thing is and why it’s so freaky to me than on what John might be saying.

“KRYS!!”

Ok that got my attention. My mismatched snap to him, fear instantly filling me, my body tenses and I’m ready for the first blow to land. I’ve out stayed my welcome, I’ve done something wrong, I can’t believe I let myself…

A warm hand is on my shoulder and I shrink down but after a moment when that hand doesn’t cause any pain I look up not having realized that I had instinctually lowered my eyes submissively and I see that he’s staring at me with concerned eyes. He’s not angry with me? I raise my body up from my slightly crouched position in my attempt to make my body appear smaller and stand at my full height. I’m about the same height as him but I’m definitely smaller, I fidget as he studies me for a moment before he shakes his head and smiles lightly.

“And here I thought Abe was just being a little sensitive. You are scared of him aren’t you?”

I tilt my head to the side and frown at his question. I’m not scared of anyone named Abe…OH the blue thing’s name is Abe. My eyes dart towards him and my fidgeting increases. I don’t know why he makes me nervous but there’s something about his presence that I just don’t feel comfortable with. I shrug a little and turn my head away from Abe and look else where trying to feign that I wasn’t a bit scared, I doubt it was working especially with me standing in nothing but a towel.

“John I do believe you know better than to assume that I would be sensitive about these matters. I can feel the fear basically rolling off of her. Now I do believe…”

“BLUE”

John shouted his friend’s nickname as the blue thing went down to his knees suddenly. When he had mentioned feeling the fear rolling off of me I had felt something just barely brushing my mental walls. My walls were relaxed partially so that was probably why he could feel my emotions and suddenly I knew why I was terrified of him. I could feel that he had a similar talent to that of many of the members of my family, Abe could read minds. Without thinking about what could possible happen to him I put up my shields and I threw them up in such a manner that they pushed Abe out and forced him to not only go back to his own mind but to physically fall to his knees.

My walls have always had to be strong to get away with talking with Red but I didn’t realize that they were that strong. I’m staring at the scene before me with wide eyes. My hands are covering my ears, clamping on tight, in an attempt to keep some type of control. I feel bad for hurting him but my fear at him being in my mind is overwhelming that I’m actually pretty grateful that I put him to his knees, maybe he won’t try again.

He’s huffing harshly as he speaks, “Well it seems we have learned yet another talent our guest has.” I have to frown at that. I have talents? “I was not expecting mental walls like that. Krys, I do believe that is your name, I must apologize for frightening you. When I seek out information it is instinctive for me to seek out the mind to find out the answers to many questions. Most can not even tell that I am reading their mind much less put up walls such as yours. I did not mean any harm, merely I was trying to assess why you were fearful of me. I think I have found my answer, the hard way.”

I can’t help but crack a small smile. He sure did find out his answer the hard way but that didn’t mean that I trust him right away, but this was definitely a start. Red had told me about one of his friends that used mind games and annoying logic to answer questions, perhaps this was who he meant. It did make sense.

“I promise I will reign in my mental abilities as much as I can, but do understand that they are as much apart of me as your walls are a part of you.”

I nod and slowly lower my hands from my ears. He’s not promising that I won’t feel that pressure ever again but what he’s saying is that if I do feel it, it won’t be because he’s trying to dig. It will be because it is part of his being just as my walls are part of me. He won’t break my walls. I have lowered my hands and the perfect time for just a moment later I feel my towel slip and I barely grab it to keep it up.

Flushing a bit I look sheepishly up at John and give him a small shrug. He’s bright red as well, while Abe seems unaffected. Now that I’m more relaxed I take a step back and look around trying to cool my face down.

“I think I’m going to need to borrow another of Red’s shirts.”

I hate borrowing stuff but I have no choice, I have nothing of my own here, and at least it’s Red’s shirt. John shakes his head and turns to get some bags from underneath a cart that I must have not noticed because of Red’s departure and Abe scaring the hell outta me. He pulls out bags after bags after bags. In all I think there are about twenty bags. I watch as he peeks into a few and separates the ones that he’s looking for first.

“When you went missing I was sent to the city to search for you. Then when they found you I was told to go shopping for you since you have no clothing here. We have no clue what size you are so I had to guess and I got a couple different sizes so hopefully I’m not to far off.”

He’s holding out two bags to me. I take them and look in. Blinking I take one of the pieces out and look at it and look back at John. He’s bright red and I’m clueless. I’ve never worn one of these before. I can see the underwear and that I know how to wear, that’s a big DUH. But the bra, I think that’s what they’re called, I have no idea how they’re even put on. I guess I have to ask.

“Uh John, how am I supposed to wear this?” I hold up the bra in my hand. It happened to be a black bra made out of a stringy material, like cloth you might see on a fancy dining room table. At least that’s where I’ve seen mother use it; this material though looks a lot daintier.

He’s just staring at me like he can’t believe what I’ve just said. I stare at him and after a moment his face gets even brighter. “You’re serious?”

I nod.

“God, Red is going to kill me.”

I tilt my head and almost ask why when I hear a light chuckle coming from Abe. I’m highly confused now. I look back and forth and am about to demand an explanation when Abe speaks up.

“John I’ll be back. I have a feeling we may need a few more things. I’m going to go gather them.”

John looks at him highly confused, well he can join me then cause I’m just as damned confused and I’m naked to boot. Abe leaves quietly, shutting the door tightly behind him and leaving John and I alone in the room. Still bright red John mutters about moving over to the bathroom so that this might be easier. He sets most of the bags on the bed and just brings the two bags with bras and underwear with us as we head back to the huge bathroom.

He stops at the door even though I’ve already crossed it. I look back at him still confused at why he’s being so weird, almost like how Red’s acting.

“Hey John,” He hmms at me to show me that he hears me, I continue with my question. “Why is Red acting so weird this morning? I mean he seems tense. Is everything ok?” I know I sound concerned, well I am but I’m also curious to see if maybe this answer could help me understand John’s reaction right now too.

He stutters out some answer about Red having to take care of some things that just popped up that he just wasn’t prepared for. Hmph I don’t believe him, well I guess I do but I think there’s more to it than what he’s saying and I’m just not getting it. Shrugging I look into the bags again and pick the black bra again and just stare at it.

Now how exactly are these things supposed to work? I hear I deep sigh and I look up and I see John bright red and I can tell that it’s actually heading down his neck now. I tilt my head and he nods toward the other bag.

“Get some underwear on first.” He turns his back as I grab a pair, and they look almost identical to the bra in my hand. The cut of the underwear is weird though. It’s not the normal cut that I’m used to, this one covers my butt and the very top of my thighs (AN: I suck at describing panties these are supposed to be boyshorts). I look at myself for a moment before I give the ok to John. I still have the towel on so as of right now I still have coverage.

“Look if you tell Hellboy I taught you how to put a bra on please make sure he knows that I’m a friend, k? Now turn around and you’re going to have to drop the towel.”

Hellboy…? Oh Red, duh Red’s not going to be his real name. I nod at John, though I’m not sure why I might need to remind Red of that. I turn my body away from John just like he wanted and I unwrap my towel and I’m now standing there in just the underwear. I swear I hear John mutter something like “He’s gonna murder me…” But when I turn my head and ask him he says that it’s nothing and he goes back to fiddling with the bra.

After a few moments he gets the bra ready and he calmly puts it on me and we try to figure out if this is the right size. Of course it isn’t. The underwear fits but the bra doesn’t. So we go digging in the bag and pull out all the bras in that size and put them in a bad pile. The cup was too small, so John said. After one other miss we find my size and my hunch had indeed been correct. I am two cups bigger than my sister. I am a small D or a full C at least that’s how the bras say it.

John thinks we should keep only a few Cs and mostly Ds because I’m gonna fill a bit more when I gain a bit more weight with some proper food, I just nod my head and pretend like I understand. They fit so I’m happy. Finally knowing which ones fit and which ones don’t; he proceeds to show me different ways to put on a bra. I get the hang of it very quickly and seeing this he excuses himself and gives me the chance to be alone to try on the rest of my new under garments.

This is actually pretty fun.

I find a blood red and black lace panty and bra set near the bottom of my piles. I’m instantly in love. I notice that the bra is actually cut a lot lower than most of the others and shows much more skin but the tightness causes my chest to push together. I think I look pretty good. The underwear is of the same design and like a few of my other pairs it’s a thong. I giggle as I remember, peeking my head out to ask John why these underwear were different. And I thought he had been red before with helping me with my bra.

I wonder if John would think this looks good, cause if he thinks this looks good, chances are Red will like this. I don’t even think to just peek out to see if he’s alone in the room before I walk out. I don’t have my towel to cover me, all I have on is the bra and panty set and when I notice that both Red and Abe are back I almost feel embarrassed. Almost anyway, I don’t really because I see John’s face isn’t really that red any more, he’s gotten used to me, Abe has no interest and Red hasn’t noticed me yet.

Red’s back is to me and I know that if I wanted I could sneak back into the bathroom but I don’t. I want his opinion. So I ignore the wide eyes of John and I clear my throat and just like I have been asking John for the past hour with all the other ones I ask them all, “What do you think?”

Red’s eyes are instantly on me and I see them change color and his body tightens up. I tilt my head and wait for his comment, John hadn’t reacted like that to any of the other ones. Does this one not look that good on me? Did I do something wrong? I bring my hand up and lay it on my throat waiting for any comment. John says something thankfully.

“It looks really nice on you Krys. Those colors are the best so far.” I give a small smile his opinion means a lot because he’s seen the others but Red’s reaction is confusing me.

“Red?” I call out to him hoping maybe he’s just shocked at seeing me. He straightens up and nods in agreement with John.

I hear his voice is much deeper than usual when he speaks, “Yea nice.” He turns and grabs something off the nightstand before he shows me that he had just forgotten something. This time when he left he didn’t even say bye. I want to cry. Now I know I’ve done something wrong.

I walk over to the bed and sit on the edge and stare at the door, wishing that he would come back through the door smiling saying that everything was fine and that I looked good and that he wanted to see the rest of my new clothes. I’ve never had my own full wardrobe before and dammit I want to show it off.

I look over at John; I want to know what I’ve done that’s made Red so angry with me. John’s not looking at me though; he’s glaring at the door with a glare on his face. He’s angry…probably because I made Red angry. When he notices my eyes on him that look melts away and he’s instantly sitting next to me. I lean on him and he wraps his arms around my shoulders, he’s not as warm as Red, I should probably call him Hellboy as well sometimes, but he is pretty warm. I can feel his heart beat pumping steadily and his breathing is regular and I use that to calm myself down.

“Why is he mad at me? What have I done wrong?” I really don’t want to know but I have to. I need to know how to fix this so I won’t do it in the future.

John stammers for a few moments as if he’s not quite sure how to quite put what’s going on into words. Abe spares him from having to by answering my question for him.

“Hellboy is not mad at you. And you have done nothing wrong, in fact you have done quite the opposite and have done most everything right which is why he is reacting the way he is.” I look up at the blue male and frown at him. Sitting up straight I narrow my eyes. That makes no sense.

He probably sees my disbelief on my face because before I can voice anything he continues his explanation. “Krys you have garnered the affections of our resident demon and right now he is trying to not act on them because he does not wish to frighten you or push you away.”

I’m still having a hard time understanding what Abe is trying to say. I know Red likes me. We’re friends, friends like each other. I know I love him but that’s me, I mean he’s said he loves me but friends love each other as well…don’t they?

“I’m still confused. I know he likes me. We’ve been friends for a long time. So what’s going on now?”

Abe’s face turns into what I assume is a frown and he easily assesses my annoyance. If I was at home I would be beaten so badly right now for my cheek but I’m not at home and I want to know what’s wrong with Red, he’s worth any punishment I might get. John stands up and says that he’s going to go find Hellboy and see what his issue is. Obviously he’s pretty upset about his attitude as well.

Before he leaves though Abe stops him and they talk for a moment. Johns face gets bright red but he nods and heads over to the computer and pulls up a folder and just leaves it open before he heads out. Abe and I both watch John go. At least I’m comfortable enough with the blue thing now to be alone with him. Once my attention is back on him, his explanation starts back up only in a blunter manner in hopes that I might understand better.

“To put it bluntly he wants to have sex with you but he doesn’t want to scare of offend you with his advances.”

Again sex is a foreign issue to me so I have no clue what to make of it. He must have expected this because he pulls three books onto his lap and then crosses his long hands over them. I tilt my head in curiosity. What do those books have to do with anything?

“Now earlier when I saw you reaction to the undergarments I had assumed that you had experienced very little dealing with personal and private matters. Sex is a private matter many but one that is taught to most everyone. These books that I have are all about sex, they will teach all that you need to know about it. They will also explain about your body and the human male body which you can loosely apply to Hellboy. Now I have marked off the chapters that are the most important for you to read so you don’t have to read through things that do not apply to you but everything that I have marked off I suggest you read.”

He hands me the books and I take the top one and open it to the first page that is marked and nod. This is a relief finally someone that can give me hard answers on something. Closing the book I look back up at him knowing that he’s not done talking.

“Once you are done reading I have asked John to leave some files open for you. I want you to watch one or two. This will give you a better understanding; books can only give so much. Once you have finished that there is a com over on the stand that go directly to the library which is where I will be. Press that button and I will head over here and if you have any questions that the books did not answer I will try to answer them for you. Until then I will make sure you are left alone.”

I nod at him. I understand what he is saying. This is a private matter and though he is helping me as was John, this is something I must learn on my own, well as much as I can anyways. I look down at the cover of the books and take a deep breath, nervous at the information that I might find.

“Well then. I’ll leave you to read now. Oh and I’ve noticed you haven’t had anything to eat yet today. Would you like some food sent over?”

I push my mostly dry hair out of my eyes and glance up at him right before I go back to looking at the cover of the book. “No thank you. I’m not hungry right now. Perhaps later.”

He nods and shows himself out allowing me to settle myself comfortably on Red’s bed to read the three books with the many chapters on sex and the anatomy of sex. It takes me almost five hours to read through everything and by the time I’m done I realize that it’s been over seven and a half hours since I woke up perfectly happy in Red’s arms. Things change fast.

Well the books certainly did explain a lot. So Red is reacting tense towards me because he is denying his arousal for me which is caused by the fact that he finds me highly attractive and he wants to have sex with me which according to these books can be either for reproduction, pleasure, or showing commitment. Words that never had meaning to me before finally have a definition and finally have a basic understanding in my mind. Blue thing said that he was denying himself because he didn’t want to scare me off or hurt me I wonder if he was talking about the first time thing they mentioned in the books. That did sound a little scary.

I stare at those books for a few minutes contemplating the information I just learned. It’s pretty scary and pretty cool. The books basically said that I could give Red pleasure, but then again they said that it could hurt, but only the first one or two times. Running my fingers through my dry hair I sigh when my fingers don’t catch on a single knot, for once that might actually be a nice distraction. Raising my eyes I look at the computer. I’m supposed to watch a couple of things after I’m done the books but I’m not sure if I want to. The books were pretty straight forward.

I did agree that I would though. Huffing I roll off the large bed and walk over to the dark screen. It went black a while ago. Pulling out the chair that I had ignored earlier I sit with my legs underneath me. I’m still in just my new bra and underwear so I feel pretty comfortable right now as I click on a button hoping that the screen will pop back up. Sure enough it does. Good now I don’t have to fiddle with things.

The folder is still up and now that I can look closer I see that it contains a bunch of files. Frowning I click one open. Obviously I’m watching something, Abe said as much, but I’m not sure what I’m going to see.

Ok so I can answer my own question after watching the first thirty seconds of this file. The book had called it pornography or just porn for short. Why does Abe want me to watch this? I read the books and they were pretty forward about what was going on…

I should probably look away but for some reason I can’t. The girl I see is blonde, darker than my hair but still obviously blonde. Her chest is bare and is pretty big, bigger than mine by a lot; her eyes seem to be bright blue and are surrounded by make up. Dali wore it a lot that’s the only reason I know about it. She’s wearing a thong still but with the way the guy is pulling at it I doubt it’s going to stay there long.

I continue to watch as they kiss, I can see their tongues while they kiss…that’s kinda bleh. I can see the guy licking and kissing down her body. The book mentioned that sensations increase when aroused, so maybe that might be ok. I squirm a bit in the chair but settle down when I find a new position on my bottom, legs dangling to the floor.

The guy has light brown hair and is only lightly muscled. Bleh Hellboy is better looking. Titling my head I wonder why Red even has these. Does he watch them to masturbate to? Why would he do that? Does he like the female in them? No I check the others real quick their all different and in all but the very bottom one which he hasn’t watch for a long time, they are all blonde, like me… Wait a minute. I sit up further in my chair and stare at the screen as the two continue on in their foreplay, learned that word from the book too.

Red uses these porns to masturbate about me. He fantasizes that those women are me… I check the dates on the files all except for the non blond one are two years or younger, about the time I think he started to like me, he was still focused on Liz until recently but still I was there in the back of his mind. Until now he’s had no idea what I look like so he’s had to guess just like I had to. And just like I wanted a clean slate with gold eyes he might have wanted a clean slate with blonde hair.

A loud moan catches my attention and when I refocus my eyes on the screen my eyes feel like they want to pop out of my head. The guy is kneeling between the woman’s legs his face right there in her most private area. I can feel my heart rate shoot up, my face is bright red, and I’m completely speechless. Obviously the woman is not. She’s moaning her head off. I whine in the back of my throat and my hand lands on my throat. My body feels tight and tingly much worse than it had when I had been in the shower.

I sigh in relief as the guy pulls away, it’s now over. I’m wrong, of course. Now it’s her turn to kneel down before him. But where he had to use his tongue she has to use her entire mouth. I tilt my head and I barely notice that the hand on my throat is moving itself up and down in a caressing manner. Now I’m beginning to understand why Abe wanted me to watch this as well read the books. Books give the facts but can’t show you the emotions. This can show emotions.

The entire thing lasts about another fifteen minutes and by the times they’re done, I’m panting and wet in my private area. The book noted that this reaction was normal for a female when she is horny or aroused. I sort of wish Red was here. Shaking my head I stand up shakily and force my body to listen to me. I had refused to allow myself to touch anything other than my own neck at this time. There is only so much I can take in one day anyhow.

Shakily I move over to the com button that had been pointed out to me and I press it before I go back over to the bed. I’m almost there when I trip over something and fall. Eepping loudly I land on my hands and knees so my injuries aren’t too bad. Underneath me is one of the other bags that John had brought me, the ones that didn’t have bras and underwear. Figuring it might actually be a good idea to get fully dressed sometime today I pick the bag up and set it on the bed before hunting for the other ones.

I easily find them all and begin the process of trying on different things to find out what fits and what doesn’t. I have a pair of black jeans on when Abe enters carrying a small plate of fruit. I still have my bra on thankfully, but I had just been in the middle of trying of a new shirt.

“I see we are now back to clothing?”

I nod and smile at him. “Yea I trip over one of the bags so I thought it might be a good idea to finish it up. I think I have my pant size down, but if I’m gonna gain weight like you and John think then I’m not sure.”

He looks over at the jeans that I chose and then waves his hands dismissingly. “I don’t think you will gain enough weight to change your pant size. But just in case keep two pairs of one size larger. That way you will be prepared. Now have you found any shirts?”

“Of course I was actually just trying a different one on to see if I liked it.” I turn back to the bed and pull on a shirt that has no sleeves and is cut very low. It’s a bright red color so it matches one of my eyes. I love the material as well. Smiling, I leave it on and go to see what type of fruit Abe brought with him.

“Good, good. I figured you might be hungry so I brought some light fruit with me. Now did you have any questions about any of the materials?”

I take the plate of fruit from him and go to sit on the bed and he just stands in front of me as I think and nibble. Fruit is a rare delicacy for me. I’m not gonna be stupid and turn this down.

“I understand it mostly now. But what I don’t understand is why he just doesn’t talk to me.”

Blue thing sighed and shook his head. Of course I would ask the wrong question. I look down not expecting an answer any time now.

“Red, though he doesn’t act it, is very conscious about what he is. He is a demon and even though you are no longer able to be considered human you still look it. He believes that you deserve to be with someone better. Red and I will always be here, down here in the BPRD headquarters not really existing to the human population. He doesn’t want you to be hidden away from people like that. Besides that he’s also not very good at explaining…anything. And I will give him some credit he’s trying to be good. He doesn’t want you to think that to stay here you have to be with him. He wants you happy. So he’s trying to protect you from himself basically.”

I play with a piece of cantaloupe between my fingers before I bring it up and pop it into my mouth and chew slowly. I know that Abe knows I’m thinking over what he just said quite thoroughly. The porn that I watched runs through my head and I easily recall the pleasure and other emotions that are pasted on both people’s faces. I’m pretty sure there is more to this than just two or three emotions but it’s a start for my mind. Swallowing the fruit I look up at blue thing.

“What if I don’t want him to protect me from himself?”

I’m scared. There’s no doubt about that. I have no clue what to expect and the promise of pain for the first time or two is daunting but I trust Red and I can honestly see myself reacting to him like I react to no one else. Before I came here I had been scared that he wouldn’t want me…but I had been thinking of him not wanting me as a friend, wouldn’t find me a desirable friend. The book says that this is innate and I’m sure it’s right but I’m not sure how I would have reacted to anyone else that would have brought this up to me.

“If that’s how you feel then I believe we are going to have our work cut out for us convincing Red of this.”

I nod in understanding and pick up a grape and put that in my mouth. As I chew I look around the room trying to think of something that might convince Red that I want him to like me and be with me. My eyes land on the computer and something enters my mind and I can’t help but smirk.

“From you smirk I assume you have an idea?” I’m still looking at the computer but I nod my head. Once the idea fully forms I turn around and I look at Abe, my smirk is still in place. Now I’m not normally one to smirk but I my idea makes me feel like smirking.

“I’m going to need some help.” I admit. “And it’s going to take me a little while to get everything all set up.” Leaning forward I lay out my plan for Abe hoping that it doesn’t sound too bad or too simple. He adds a comment here and there but he seems pretty happy with my plan. We will put it in action right away. There are a few things that have to be ordered and we have to talk to John to get him in on this but I can start on some of my parts.

This is going to be interesting.


AN: ok so I have enlightened Krys to Hellboy’s predicament…hehehe what do you all think? This chapter feels a bit different than the others to me but that’s ok the next one is already well on its way to being done. But I’m now alternating it with my other story 7 days so I will be posting chapters a little farther apart but not too much.

Ja ne
Kireania