Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me

It had now been six months since all the commotion in Eleanor's life with The Joker. He had since been moved, as predicted, to the high security prison for "regular, more mentally stable" criminals.



Eleanor was somewhat shocked one day, to find a letter from The Joker lying on her front doormat, with all the other mail. He must've known her home address after all, just as she had predicted before the police protection scheme had stopped him from contacting her.



She opened the letter and sat down at the kitchen table to read it. Her heart hammered with nerves. His letter writing was very eloquent, for someone with such a dry sense of humour who didn't like to mince his words.



"To my dear Miss Ellie,



Please accept this visiting order to Gotham Maximum Security Prison. I would very much like it if you came to see me here. I want to explain everything to you about why I wanted to see you before. Such a beautiful woman has never been able to leave my mind. I never got over you, you must believe me. I hate this city and I despise it's people, and I couldn't care less if everyone burned in hell...but I would never have hurt you, Ellie. And I would never have hurt your boy. I know you won't believe me. But I've got to try, right?



You're beautiful,

You're beautiful,

You're beautiful - it's true.



Signed,



J."



Enclosed with the letter, as he had said, was a visiting order form. Eleanor was stunned. The Joker had even quoted a line from the slushy, cheesy James Blunt ballad, You're Beautiful, at the end of his letter. What the hell? Was this "lovestruck letter" just another one of his attempts at mind games? The Joker was a fiercely intelligent and clever man who knew how to dupe people into thinking he was genuine, when he just wanted to stir up shit and mess with their heads.



Eleanor read the letter over and over again, so confused. Clever mind games, or a genuine plea for her to come and see him? What the hell was going on?





She decided to go with her instincts, and ignored the letter and plea for her to visit. She couldn't be sure if he was genuine or wanted to mess with her mind, and she didn't want to risk him fucking with her head. He had tried to do that once before, years ago, and for that, she left him.



The day of the visit came and went. Part of Eleanor actually felt a little guilty for not even sending a letter back to explain that she couldn't make it.



Not even a week after, another letter from The Joker came. She knew right away it was from him, even before opening it.



"My dear Ellie,



I apologise if I have scared you away. I understand why you did not come and see me. I know what I am and that I did not used to be this way. I just want to see you again. I swear on my dear mother's grave that I will not hurt you or play games with you. I really want to see you Ellie. Just one more chance is all I want.



Signed,

J."



Again, a visiting order was enclosed with the letter.



Eleanor breathed in and held her breath for a few seconds, before exhaling a long sigh.



"I really am losing my mind." she said to herself, as she filled in her details on the visitation order right then and there. She then told Elijah they were going for a walk, and they took a trip to the mail box down the road. Her hand wavered a little before she posted the envelope containing the visiting order...but only for a second. There was no going back now. The Joker would be expecting her next week.





D-Day arrived, and Eleanor was so nervous she must've consumed five cups of coffee in one morning.



With Elijah in school and the day off from work, for some reason unbeknown to even herself, she decided to "doll herself up" a little. Not too much...just a little. It was a prison after all, where the men there were feeling the effects of being deprived of sex and their women...she didn't want any shit from any of those creepy guys. So she settled for a a pretty pale blue top, slightly low cut, with accessories, and skinny fit jeans with kneelength black boots. She decided to wear her hair down, and even added a little perfume to her neck. She wasn't even sure why she was doing this. This wasn't the Jack she once knew, this guy was now The Joker. But a little part of her deep inside still wanted him to find her as attractive as he did when he was "just Jack."



Feeling nervous as hell, she drove to the high security prison for 11 am, when her visit was scheduled.



In the reception, she was searched and given the once over with a metal detector, and then she was allowed in to the visiting area. Her heart was pounding in her chest and she could feel her face flush a little...she had never been to a prison before, and this was an eye opener. The inmates sat in in booths behind maximum-strength glass, and there was a seat in front of each booth for their visitors. A police officer escorted Eleanor over to the booth where The Joker was sitting, and stood close by on watch.



As Eleanor approached the booth, The Joker politely stood up and smiled at her. She could barely conceal her nerves and she was sure he could see that she was almost shaking.



There was a microphone loop system on his side, and on the visitor side, so that they could hear each other talk. Otherwise it would've been very hard to hear anything much with the glass panel in front.



Eleanor stopped in front of the glass, and The Joker looked at her.



"Well helloooo, beautiful." he said cheerily, "Take a seat!"



Without saying a word, she did. Her nerves were so bad, she couldn't look at him.



"I'm glad you came." he chirped.



Eleanor was still quiet.



"Hey hey, why so...serious?" The Joker said with a frown. "You don't wanna look at me...is it the scars?"



Eleanor lifted her head and looked at him, catching his eye.



"No." she said softly. "I'm just...I've never been in one of these places before."



The Joker chuckled. "Well I have...ha ha, I've lost count."



He seemed in good form, good spirits. No smart-ass, sarcastic comments from him so far.



Eleanor's nerves settled a little as she looked through the glass at The Joker. He was wearing prison garb, but other than that, looked the same as before - still wearing the strange, attention grabbing facepaint, and his hair was still a little green, although it had faded a lot now, almost back to his natural dark blonde colour.



Eleanor decided to waste no time, and came straight out with it.



"Listen...why did you want me here?"



He cricked his neck and licked his bottom lip.



"Weeeeeeellllll...." he began, tapping his fingers on the desk in front of him, "I just wanted to see ya. I mean...is that a crime?"



She shook her head. "But what's passed is past, Jack."



He looked over at the guard behind her, and that back at her, lowering his head a little to look at her from under his eyebrows.



"I never wanted that." he said in a low tone.



"I know you didn't." Eleanor whispered, "But I had no choice. I really didn't."



The Joker ruffled his hair and raised his eyebrows.



"Yeah okay, I get it, doll. But seeing you again all those...months ago...well, my little torch for you lit right back up again. I know what I am, but I get urges too ya know."



Eleanor rolled her eyes. "Urges?" she repeated. "Look...you're back here now, for how many years? There would be no point. And you're not Jack any more, you're The Joker. Jack is dead."



The Joker sucked in his cheeks and nodded. "Yeah...I know what you're thinkin'...I'm just a freak."



Eleanor sighed and shook her head, "No, that's not what I meant."



The Joker sat forward, almost right against the glass.



"Loo-k...I didn't mean to scare you all those months ago." he said quietly. "I just wanted to get to know you again. You were the only person I ever...cared about! Oh you know what I'm like Ellie...I never go about things in the most subtle way!"



She sat back and folded her arms.



"Oh, at least just let me dream about you or somethin'." The Joker said, rolling his eyes and flapping his hands wildly in front of him. "C'mon. Give a man a chance. I've...well, I've missed you."



"Really?" Eleanor said, shaking her head and looking away. The Joker put his hands on the table in front of him, and looked at them, rather than up at her.



"Ye-p."



Eleanor's mind was racing...no...no...she couldn't...she couldn't. It wouldn't be right, couldn't be right. What about the child? No, no, no...wrong on so many levels.



"Jack." she whispered.



He looked up from his hands.



"There's something..." she stopped.



The Joker was attentive, nodding slowly. "Some-thing? Don't stop, carry on."



Eleanor lowered her head. "I can't, no I really shouldn't."



"Shouldn't what?" The Joker put his hands up. "Aaaah, yknow. I'm not really a mind reader."



Her gaze caught his and they locked eyes.



"When I left you..."



They held each other's stare intently.



"When I left you, I...I was...pregnant."



The Joker's forehead knitted into a frown and the white paint on his forehead started to crease and show lines of his skin colour underneath. He looked her deep, deep in her eyes.



"Okay." he said quickly. "You're saying...um, okay...you're telling me, that you were...having...my...baby. When you left me."



Eleanor nodded slowly, feeling the hairs on her arms and the back of her neck stand on end.



The Joker sucked in his cheeks, and licked his lips.



"And I never...knew." he said quietly.



"I couldn't tell you!" Eleanor sighed, "How would it have been right to bring a baby into all...that?"



The Joker was clearly aggitated now, but ignored the question.



"So you got rid of it, right?" he demanded, thumping his hand on the table. "You wouldn't want the child of a deranged killer...the child of a monster, the child of a freak! Am I right?"



Eleanor's nerves had started up again, and her eyes filled with tears.



"No!" she shouted, loud enough for everyone else in the room to hear and look round at her. "No. You're wrong."



"Oh, I'm wrong?" The Joker mocked her. He shook his hair from his face. "I'm wrong?"



"Yes." she hissed. "I didn't have an abortion."



The Joker was still and silent. He looked at her sideways, and licked the scar on the right side of his mouth.



Eleanor couldn't go back on what she was telling him now. She'd said too much to back down, and now he had to know the truth.



"My son...is also your son."



There...she had said it. For five years, she had kept the identity of her son's father a secret. Nobody knew, not even her family. The shame was too much, and she didn't want to live with people's sympathy or even worse, their hatred.



The Joker clearly swallowed hard. "Right, so I haaaave...a son?"



Eleanor nodded. The Joker held her stare with his.



"And I never knew..." he said, with a rare softness in his voice.



"I couldn't tell you...it wasn't a normal situation to be in, you know that. I was afraid...I thought you might come after us and kill us both."



The Joker's eyes changed. The smudged black rings of make up accentuated the colour of his dark brown eyes...but now Eleanor could see a hint of actual emotion there in those eyes. She could see that his eyes had started to well with tears. Real tears, of real emotion.



"I may be...a cold blooded killer." he whispered huskily, feeling the tears stinging his eyes. "I may be a cold, callous, son of a bitch. I don't care about the people of Gotham. Bu-t. My woman and my child...no. I wouldn't do that. Not my family. My beautiful woman, and my flesh and blood. Even The Joker has...limits."



He shook his head, looking away. Eleanor saw, probably for the first time she could ever recall...a wet trickle making it's way down The Joker's painted face...leaving a glistening trail through the black eye make-up and the white facepaint. Emotion. Actual, human emotion. Eleanor was stunned.



The Joker's tear had an effect on her too. She felt herself start to break down a little.



"I'm sorry," she whispered, a tear trickling down her own cheek.



The Joker's eyes held her's intensely. "Well...I don't exactly blame you. Maternal instinct. Something my own mother didn't have much of. Didn't exactly protect me from my own father, did she?"



Eleanor wiped the tear from her cheek, remembering about The Joker's own fucked up

childhood.



The Joker carried on, "I guess the kid is about five now, right? In school yet?"



Eleanor nodded. "Just started school a few weeks ago. His name is Elijah."



The Joker chuckled. "You're kiddin' me, you named him after the guy who plays a Hobbit?"



Eleanor giggled too, smiling through her tears. "Nooooo. Nothing to do with the Lord Of The Rings films, I just liked the name."



The Joker nodded his head, and licked his bottom lip. "So. Obviously...he doesn't know about me, huh?"



"He has seen you on the news on TV...but he doesn't know you're his father. I just can't tell him...nobody else knows. Only you."



The Joker raised his eyebrows again. "I guess I had to expect that."



"You know I've had my reasons, Jack."



The Joker shrugged. "I can't deny that. So...will I get to see, I dunno, a photograph of him or somethin'?"



"I'll bring one next time." Eleanor nodded.



The Joker brightened up. "Next time?" he repeated. "You mean, you'll come see me here again, right?" He was like an excited child.



"I really must be losing my mind." she sighed. "But yes...I'll come again."



The Joker grinned, stretching his scarred cheeks so much that it hurt. "Oh, oh great...great!"



Eleanor smiled and leaned in towards the glass. "Hey..." she whispered, feeling butterflies filling her stomach. It was happening to her all over again...the emotions, the feelings...the lust. Quick, like a shotgun. Pure lust.



The Joker obediantly leaned in to the glass. She looked deeply into his brown eyes. His breathing started to speed up a little. She could sense his desire for her. The moment was intense. Had there been no pane of bulletproof glass between them, Eleanor knew she would've reached over to kiss him.



The Joker breathed out deeply, a soft groan.



"You have no idea what you just did to me..." he said huskily.



Eleanor knew her breathing was faster now too. Dangerous, lust.



"You like?" she whispered, leaning over the table to deliberately show a glimpse of her cleavage to The Joker.



He pressed his forehead against the glass, almost panting like a puppy.



"Mm-hmm." he confirmed in a husky gravelly tone, winking at her.



Eleanor smiled. The Joker looked down into his lap, looked back up and cricked his neck.



"My right hand...is no substitute for a beautiful doll like you..."



Oh god. Eleanor thought. Oh jesus god. What's happening to me? I want him...I want him now, right here. This is so wrong...he's got me just where he wants me. This is exactly what he wants!



"Do you share a cell?" she asked quietly.



"Me? Nooooo. I'm all on my ownsome lonesome. I could corrupt some young thug way too easily...so I've been told."



Eleanor knew how that felt - he had "corrupted" her not just once, but twice now...sexually speaking, that was.



"Well, if you're on your own in your cell...you can use that hand tonight, can't you."



The Joker laughed out loud. "Ha ha ha, oh you bet I will doll." he jiggled in his seat, almost squirming. "You'll be in my thoughts."



Eleanor stood up and blew him a little kiss.



"Oh hell, yeah!" he laughed, jumping up from his seat. "She still wants me! Ha ha ha!"



Eleanor looked over her shoulder at him as she left and a prison guard led him away. Walking back to her, car, she stopped to catch her breath. What the hell had just happened there?! She had gone into the prison, nervous, shy and mouse-like...and half an hour later, she had come out feeling almost elated and also, quite frankly, horny as hell. She couldn't get her head around the sudden turn around in herself.



Then it dawned on her what it was - The Joker, sitting there behind the glass. He wasn't like The Joker. He was more like Jack, the way he used to be. The man she fell in love with, before he morphed himself into The Joker. It was as though he turned Jack and The Joker on and off, like a switch, to suit whichever situation he was in. And Eleanor knew that falling for him all over again would be dangerous...she was scared of him when he was in "Joker mode". The Joker was the most dangerous man in Gotham, and the fact that he was currently serving time inside didn't take the danger away. He was cunning, clever and had broken out of prison twice before, going on killing sprees and causing upset all over the city.



She realised none of this was right...her head was saying yes, but her heart was saying "fuck, no!" What the hell was going on in her head?