Hanging On

All previous disclaimers apply.

“You’re looking better and better, Ryan.”

Ryan spun around quickly snapping to attention and perfect posture when he heard the voice of the woman nearly three times his age who could still out-dance any one of the students at her school or the dancers in her company. Tala Alterman was somewhere between fifty and sixty though she would never tell them just where between the two numbers her actual age was, but she looked nearly ten years younger. Her face wasn’t smooth as it had been when she was a girl, but the lines were from smiling. Her hair, always worn loose unless she was dancing, was beginning to go white, but she refused to dye it. She took pride that her body still looked every bit as good as it had when she was in her twenties and if a doctor had helped a little in that department she felt no shame. She worked out and was in better shape than women half her age. Why shouldn’t she be a little vain to make sure her boobs and butt stayed exactly where she wanted them? Ryan hadn’t really spoken to her since his audition but he, like everyone else at the school, absolutely adored her. And feared her. But, just a little bit.

“Ms. Alterman!” He tried not to wince when his voice cracked as if he had just hit puberty.

“Tala,” She smiled and linked her arm through his, giving him no choice but to walk away from where he had been putting street clothes on over his dance clothes to go back to his dorm room.

“Tala,” He agreed, wondering if he’d ever actually be able to think of her that way.

“Andrei has been telling me that you’re much too good to be in his classes. I observed you tonight and I’ve come to the conclusion that he’s right. You’re much more advanced than his students.”

“But I’m not!” Ryan looked at her incredulously, “There’s still so much more I can do in Andrei’s classes! My technique needs so much work and he’s such a drill sergeant about it.”

“You’re right on all counts, Ryan,” Tala agreed, “Your technique does need work. You’re a little sloppy because you’ve never had anyone really challenge how you’re dancing. And that’s why I’m moving you into my classes. The size is smaller. I’ll be able to work with you more individually than Andrei has time for. And I want to start coaching sessions and a work out schedule with you to build up your endurance and your muscle. I think you’re ready to start partnering as well as soloing and corps dancing.”

“Tala…I…” Ryan’s throat had closed. He didn’t know what to say.

Tala made a clicking noise with her tongue and stopped walking. She was a small woman, but imposing, when she stood in front of Ryan and crossed her arms in a way that said she would not be argued with. “Self deprecation and modesty are all well and good, Ryan, but if you want to get anywhere in this business you’re going to have to learn to say out loud just how good you are. Because you are very good, Ryan. And you have the potential to be great. I want to see you meet it. You can begin to do that in my classes. But, it’s going to take a lot of work. A lot more hours. So I need to know if this is even what you want. Are you willing to put the effort in? ‘Cause if you’re not, I’m not sure what you’re doing here.”

“No!” Ryan was almost ready to throw himself at her feet, “I am willing! It’s everything I want! Everything!”

“I know,” Tala’s face, so serious just a moment before, broke into a radiant smile, “I just needed to make sure that you knew what you wanted. So…I’ll see you in classes on Monday night?”
Ryan just nodded.

“Good. We’ll make up a work-out and coaching session afterwards. And when we hold auditions for the company at the beginning of December I want you to be there.”

“To audition?” Ryan managed to get out of his closing throat.

“Yes, to audition.”

“But, I’m…”

“Young,” Tala agreed, “And if I put you next to Andrei on the stage you’d look like a baby. I’m not saying you’ll even make the audition. I don’t know. But, I want you to try. Even if you don’t make it the audition will be good experience.”

“But, what if I did make it?”

“If you make it…you’ll be training for nearly two years before I let you step foot on the stage. You’ll understudy for almost everyone. It’ll be hard. You’re feet will bleed, you’ll hurt in places you never even knew you had, and once you’re ready to move on to a bigger company or a bigger city you will never, ever, want for a job. Think on it for a while. You have the weekend to get ready for classes and two months to get ready for auditions. Go home. See you Monday.”

When Ryan told Chad what had happened later that night he thought that Chad would be happy for him. He tried not to be too disappointed when Chad simply smiled gently and congratulated him in a quiet voice that he hadn’t used since Ryan had been in the hospital. But, he decided, the congratulations was real and so he had no right to be angry at Chad at all. And what good would starting a fight do when Chad was not himself at all?

“Is everything okay, babe?” He asked gently, setting a hand to Chad’s shoulder blade.

“Fine,” Chad smiled that same soft smile, “Everything’s fine. I’m a little tired. It was a long day. But, I’m sure it was for you, too.”

“Do you want to get a late dinner?”

“I already ate. Thanks though. If you want me to go out with you though I could go for a drink.”

“Okay,” Ryan smiled, “That sounds good. Why don’t we go, then?”

“Sure.”

Chad took a step and his knees buckled. Ryan called out his name and caught him in his arms even as Chad insisted in that soft, weak Ryan realized now, voice that he had been using all evening that he was fine. Ryan lowered them both gently to the floor.

“Babe,” Ryan set his lips to Chad’s forehead, “You’re burning up.”

“Took some medicine earlier. Felt better. Not feeling so hot now.” He laughed gently, then groaned.

“Why didn’t you just tell me?” Ryan asked, trying not to laugh in return.

“Didn’t want to spoil your news. I’m so proud of you. I thought that I could get through a dinner at least. I’m sorry.”

“No need to be sorry, sweetheart,” Ryan pressed a kiss to the abundant hair. He was just glad that it wasn’t something he had done that was making Chad act so strange.

“Ryan…” Chad moaned, “Gonna…Gonna be…”

Ryan didn’t have to hear anymore. With a strength he had never dreamed he possessed, he had helped Chad to his feet and they were out in the hall and to the bathroom in seconds. Ryan pulled Chad’s hair back from his face and rubbed his back gently as Chad emptied his stomach. When he was through Ryan steadied Chad as he brushed his teeth, helped him back to their room and into pajamas and bed.

“I’m sorry, Ry,” Chad moaned, “I know this weekend is going to be gross. I wouldn’t blame you if you wanted to check into a hotel or something.”

“Chad,” Ryan got into the bed beside his boyfriend and laid himself out against Chad’s back, his hand gripping Chad’s hip, “I wouldn’t be anywhere else. I love you.”

“I knew it was you,” Chad sighed.

“What do you mean?” Ryan leaned over and pressed a kiss to just under Chad’s ear. He was pretty sure that Chad was nearly asleep and a little delirious with his fever, but it wasn’t often that his boyfriend was so pliable. It also wasn’t often that Chad was the one that needed to be taken care of. He was so strong, took such good care of Ryan, that Ryan often forgot sometimes Chad needed him as much as he needed Chad. It was a nice reminder, even if Chad was feeling so bad and would probably throw up twelve more times this weekend, not all of which he would make it to a toilet for. And that was gross, like Chad had said, but somehow to Ryan it was sweet. Right now Chad smelled like warm bed and toothpaste and his own unique scent. Ryan snuggled closer.

“My mom said she knew Dad was the one when he stayed with her when she was sick about a year into their relationship. She loved him already but she didn’t know he would be the love of her life, and her husband, until he was holding her hair while she puked her guts out. I knew you were mine, Ryan. Will you marry me?”

“Chad, this is the sweetest, most ridiculous conversation we have ever had,” Ryan was getting sleepy as well.

“I probably won’t remember it,” Chad chuckled and sighed, sinking deeper into his pillow.

“Probably,” Ryan agreed.

“But, you’ll still marry me?”

“Of course, Chad,” Ryan kissed his hair, feeling ridiculously happy and in love considering the situation, “Just as soon as we can.”

“Good,” Chad murmured.

“Good,” Ryan agreed, and surrendered himself to sleep.

A/N: The conflict of the story will be coming up in the next couple of chapters. Please drop a review if you have time. I’d really appreciate it. So sorry that this chapter was so long. I’m hoping the next chapters will be coming sooner and faster now that I have them all planned out! T.H.