The Darkness of Desire

Darkness of Desire

Disclaimer: This is a non-profit story, and I own none of the characters.
Author – Courtier
Rating – PG at first, N-17 in later chapters
Summary – A coming of age story chronicling the relationship between Anakin Skywalker and his master, Obi-wan Kenobi; a story of passion, empathy, and confliction.

Two years have passed since the end of the last chapter. . . . . .

Chapter VII – A Lost Hope

“Again, Anakin! Attack me again!” Anakin’s master called to him from across the room.

The two of them had been sparring with their sabers heatedly for the past quarter of an hour. Anakin had only begun this area of training not four months past, yet he was learning quickly. And he loved it wholeheartedly.

Smirking playfully, Anakin gripped the hilt of his saber tighter and retorted,

“Very well, Master!”

He crossed the room swiftly towards Obi-wan, lifting his blade above his head to crash it down in a winning stroke. I’m going to beat him. . .for the first time, I just know it! His sensation of victory was trodden completely however, when Obi-wan countered his attack in a rapid motion. The blades clashed against one another, hissing and crackling at their coupling. Master and apprentice were inches from each other, each striving to push the other’s blade away. Anakin used all his strength to keep Obi-wan at bay. He could feel a droplet of sweat cascading down the side of his face. His eyes shifted from the intertwined blades to his master. Obi-wan’s cool, blue eyes were calm and composed. Still. . . .there was a fierceness in him that only surfaced when they battled. Anakin liked this side of his master; he was more unpredictable and erratic. The young padawan’s mind flew back to the matter at hand suddenly when he felt a surge of strength coming from Obi-wan’s lightsaber. I’m not going to win. . .he’s too strong. Time and experience were both on Obi-wan’s side, and Anakin struggled against falling backwards in defeat.

“You shouldn’t have attacked so hastily,” Obi-wan advised rather calmly, despite the fact that they were both locked in a heated offense.

“You told me to!” Anakin retorted. His hands were slipping. Obi-wan’s blade was gradually forcing him down. The Jedi master shook his head slowly.

“In a saber duel you must always trust your own instincts, young one. Never listen to the advice of your adversary. . .”

He’s mocking me! Anakin thought with incredulity.

Just then, the strength of his master proved too much for him and he fell to the floor. His saber clattered across the room, whilst Obi-wan’s was pointed towards his throat. Anakin gazed at the point of his master’s lightsaber, which was hovering inches from him. He could feel the hissing heat of it. Fortunately, the blades’ heat fusion levels had been lowered significantly; otherwise he might now have a rather singed chin.

Obi-wan set his saber off, and the blue blade retracted into its hilt. Anakin looked up at his master sullenly, unnerved that he’d been beaten so quickly. Obi-wan reached down his hand and pulled the apprentice up to stand once more.

“Don’t worry Anakin. You are improving,” the Jedi reassured, clapping his hand on Anakin’s shoulder. The padawan nodded morosely and stalked to the corner of the room to retrieve his fallen blade.

The past two years had been kind to Anakin. He’d gone through a rather radical growth spurt and was now nearly of a height with his master. His padawan braid reached down past his shoulder now, and his features were becoming more angular. Obi-wan had evolved somewhat as well. At the age of twenty-eight, his boyish youth was fading to reveal an older, handsome countenance.

Still within the early dawn of his training, Anakin and his master had not been sent on any strenuous assignments. In fact, his training with a lightsaber had only just recently begun. The young padawan eagerly awaited the day when he would travel to the caves of Ilum to construct his own blade. That day however, could only be determined by his master. Until that time, Anakin would have to prove his skills to Obi-wan. Unfortunately, his master still managed to point out weaknesses of his in their habitual duels. Today was yet another example of this.

Anakin picked up his training saber from the marble floor. It was a plain thing. Padawan guidance blades were smaller and of a lesser length than the warrior sabers. Their hilt was a dark grey with very little shine. Whenever he wielded it, Anakin would often pretend that it was full length and the hilt a shiny silver; envisioning himself as adept in its use as Obi-wan.

As he straightened his arm, he suddenly winced. There was a stiff ache in his elbow. He hissed slightly as he flexed it.

“Are you hurt?” he heard Obi-wan inquire beside him.

“I think I might have knocked my arm a little,” Anakin replied.

Obi-wan frowned and took the padawan’s arm in his hands. Anakin began to recoil in the anticipation of pain, yet his master’s gentle hands kneading the knotted muscles caused the ache to subside.

“Better?” Obi-wan murmured after a moment. Anakin nodded.

“Thank you, Obi-wan.” he smiled, his sullenness dissipating at the gentle ministrations from his mentor. He’d injured his arm the evening before in an attempt to slide down the banister of the temple’s main stairway, and it had been rather sore to the touch since then. Anakin smiled as he recalled the rush of speed as he’d cascaded down to the bottom of the flight of steps. His aching arm and Obi-wan’s reprimand had been but a trivial price to pay for an ounce of fun.

The pair retreated from the sparring room into the wide corridor of the temple. The Jedi sanctuary was quiet, yet alive with life. Two young padawans stood near the right, listening intently to a master as he explained something to them. Anakin’s eyes met theirs, and he felt a sort of pride. I’m their equal now. . . .a padawan just like them. When he’d first been brought here, and received distressing news from the council, he’d looked upon the other children with envy, believing he would never be one of them. And now he was.

Their footsteps were quiet along the soft, carpeted floor as they made their way through the hall. The morning light poured into the temple through the large glass windows, causing the warmth of the sun to shed itself onto Anakin, adding to the heat he already felt from dueling. He shrugged off his robe and carried it on his arm. Jedi always wear so many layers! he thought to himself. He already wore a thick tunic along with a loose shirt beneath. A long, heavy robe seemed excessive to wear at times.

“Anakin, don your cloak please.” he heard Obi-wan ask beside him.

“Why?” the padawan replied. “It’s so hot!”

“Because the council has requested our presence and you must appear respectful,” his master gently reminded.

Inwardly, Anakin rolled his eyes, and he grudgingly threw his cloak back upon his shoulders. He vaguely remembered Obi-wan telling him of their meeting with the council earlier that morning, yet his training exercises had pushed it from his mind. Why does the council want to see us? And then a flip of fear turned in his stomach. Did they find out about the banister incident yesterday? Are they going to yell at me for it? I’ll never do it again, I swear!

He jumped as he heard a snort of laughter from Obi-wan. Turning to the Jedi Master, he saw him draw one of his hands to his face, hiding a smile.

“Anakin, they’re not going to chide you for sliding down a staircase.” Obi-wan laughed. “I doubt they’re even aware that you did so.”

Anakin glowered at him reproachfully.

“You promised you’d never try to read my mind.” He warned, though he was unable to keep from smiling as well.

“I didn’t have to,” Obi-wan swiftly retorted. “Your pale face and wide eyes gave your thoughts away.”

The large hall echoed with the laughter of Anakin Skywalker and his master Obi-wan Kenobi as they made their way to the council chamber.

****************************************


Anakin lay on his side atop of his bed. He smashed a pillow to his chest and hugged it. Hope and exhilaration was trembling through him. They were being sent back to Tatooine. . . . . He and Obi-wan. Jedi Mistress Stass Allie had been on assignment there to discuss Tatooine’s inclusion within the Republic with Jabba the Hutt and she had requested aid. The council had asked Obi-wan to depart there for her assistance, due to his previous experience on the planet.

My mother is there. . . I’ll be able to see her. Maybe even free her. . . . . .

I will free her. . .

He suddenly felt the hole of loneliness that had burned itself into his heart for so long begin to fill once more. Happiness and future plans raced through his mind endlessly. Yes, he would free her. They’d bring her back to Coruscant with them. She would find a home here and he could visit her whenever he wanted!

He placed the pillow over his face so he could stifle a shriek of happiness. As he tossed the cushion to the side, he sighed. His mother, that had loved and raised him, would be his again soon.

The feeling of bliss washed over him like a warm blanket. As he lay on his bed, envisioning reuniting with his mother for the first time in nearly three years, a contented weariness overcame him. Drifting his eyes closed, he allowed himself to sleep. The last image that flew before his eyes as his consciousness left him was Shmi Skywalker smiling.

“I am so very proud of you, Ani.” she would say when she saw him.

You will be, Mother. . . .You will be. . .

*************************************


“Anakin. . .”

Anakin’s eyes fluttered open. The sunlight had vanished. His window was merely a dark mirror of his quarters. A vague outline of the stars and city landscape could be seen as he looked closer towards the glass. It’s night. . . .Have I really slept all day? He blinked his eyes again to notice that his bedside halo lantern had been activated. The light, golden glow it produced illuminated his room in a soft ambiance. Anakin realized suddenly why he had woken so abruptly. Someone had said his name. There is someone else in the room.

He sat up quickly to find Obi-wan sitting not far from him on the bed. His master was smiling tenderly, yet there was a sorrow in the light blue loveliness of his eyes.

“I – I’m sorry to have startled you,” he quietly apologized.

What’s wrong with him?

“It’s alright. . .” Anakin ventured. “What’s wrong, Obi-wan?”

Obi-wan gazed at him for a long while. He opened his mouth to speak numerous times, yet his master faltered on each occasion. At great length, the Jedi stood from the bed, gathering his robes closer to him as he often did when he was distressed, and paced towards the opposite side of the room. Anakin’s eyes followed him wonderingly all the while.

“I – I came to speak with you, and I found you asleep.” He said. “I was sorry to disturb you.” Anakin watched as his master stroked his chin in contemplation. He’s stalling. . .What did he come here to say?

“Sleep often gives us a respite from that which plagues us daily. Dreams can be a wonderful escape. . .except nightmares of course; they are not very enjoyable. . .—”

“Obi-wan, what’s wrong?!” Anakin cut him off exasperatedly.

His master turned to look at him. He seemed almost afraid. Anakin felt a sudden desire to run and hug him, to drive his friend’s fear away. He didn’t like Obi-wan being afraid; it made him feel afraid as well.

“A – Anakin. . . .the council has altered their decision.” His master’s voice was trembling with sentiment.

The padawan’s immediate thought was: What decision? And then he knew. . .Yet he asked all the same;

“What do you mean?”

“They are sending Mistress Shaak Ti to Tatooine in our stead.”

No. No, they’re not! We’re going, and I’m going to see my mother. . . Wild thoughts of denial danced through the still very young boy’s head.

“Why?!” he demanded.

Obi-wan’s eyes lowered at his gaze.

“They feel she is more suited to this task.”

Anakin clenched his jaw and panted with emotion. More suited? Why?! He looked up wildly to Obi-wan and walked towards him pleadingly.

“Couldn’t you have asked them to let us go? Couldn’t you have done something?”

Obi-wan didn’t speak. He looked away. Anakin realized that he hated that. He hated it when Obi-wan looked away. For the first time, he felt angry with his master. This young man, that he had worshipped and devoted himself to, should have known what an assignment to Tatooine would have meant to him! And now he wouldn’t even meet his eyes.

“The council has decided, Anakin. I’m so sorry,” was all his master said.

The smiling vision of Shmi Skywalker suddenly disappeared. He would never ever see her again. And Obi-wan didn’t care.

“I do care.” Obi-wan stated with a heated edge to his tone. “I understand your wish to see your mother, Anakin, but I had nothing to do with the council’s decision and they will not be swayed!” his voice was rising now. “I did everything within my power to ensure our inclusion in this assignment, but it is not meant to be! You must accept that!”

It was Anakin’s turn to avert his eyes. He could feel the threat of a sob swelling in his throat and he strove to stifle it. His anger was gone now. Yet sadness lingered and dampened his heart heavily.

“I just wanted to see her again. . . .so much,” he whispered. The tears streamed down his face in glistening rivulets, and his fists unclenched. For a moment, he forgot everything but the presence of sorrow. He was merely a young boy lost in despair, feeling desperately alone. His moist eyes looked up to Obi-wan.

“She’s – she’s the only one that’s ever cared about me,” he uttered, his voice shaking.

His master looked down on him, his expression lined with empathy. Slowly, Obi-wan shook his head.

“That’s not true.”

Anakin felt his master grasp his shoulders and gently draw him into his arms. It was then that Anakin couldn’t contain himself any longer. The sobs racked out of him as he wept into his master’s chest. The loneliness that had built within him for two and a half years was pouring out of him. Obi-wan was silent as he held him, his brow creased in worry.

Moments passed slowly onward as the sympathetic Jedi Master held his sorrowful padawan. With a shuddering sigh, Anakin ceased his sobs and began to breathe shakily.

“Do you want me to leave?” Obi-wan inquired quietly as Anakin’s breathing steadied. Anakin shook his head against his master’s chest.

“I don’t want to be alone. . .” his muffled voice replied. He was quiet for a few more moments. “Obi-wan?” he ventured finally.

“Yes?” he heard his master reply.

“I – I’m thirsty.” His throat felt dry and weak. He slowly pulled himself from Obi-wan’s arms and looked up at him.

“I would be too, if I were you.” The corner of Obi-wan’s mouth tugged in a smile.

Anakin allowed himself to laugh. He let out a long sigh that still shook slightly from crying.

“Come.” Obi-wan placed his hand on his back and led him from his quarters. “We’ll get you some warm water with lemon.”

“Thank you,” was all Anakin could say.


To Be Continued. . . . .

Thank you for taking the time to read this. All of your reviews were wonderful to read and give me so much inspiration to write. Many thanks to those who have given me kind words. Much more coming soon.