I Remember Padme
folder
Star Wars (All) › General
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
8
Views:
6,738
Reviews:
9
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Star Wars (All) › General
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
8
Views:
6,738
Reviews:
9
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own the Star Wars movie series, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Chapter 7- Pause for Thought
A part of this is all thanks to iloveobiwanmore at fanfiction.net saying that Obi should find someone else. This inspired me to think about the end of this story (when it eventually arrives) and I decided to bring in one of my favourite slash couples ever. Okay, this chapter sounds like the whole story is losing the Obidala element and maybe it is but I’m going with my heart on this story. Also, this is a short chapter but I feel this is important for the final part of this fanfic (which is quite away of yet!)
WARNING: masturbation, and implied homosexuality and bisexuality. If you feel uncomfortable with this, don’t read this chapter.
On a general thought, this story has now had over 1000 hits EACH on adult-fanfiction.org and fanfiction.net. This means this story has had over 2000 hits since I first put it up on the net. With that and the countless reviews, this is officially my most popular fanfic!! Thanks to all the readers and reviewers!!!!
Chapter 7- Pause for Thought
Against my Jedi duties and loyalties, I never said a word to the Jedi Council about Anakin’s marriage to Padme. Although she never asked me not to do it, I couldn’t find it in my heart to do it. Heck, I didn’t tell anyone. If Anakin was the Chosen One, then he could not be thrown out of the Order if he was our only hope to bring balance to the Force.
Also, as time went by, I felt that maybe having Padme in his life might help him. I could sense anger inside him which had grown since his mother’s death. If her love for him could save him and maybe keep him under control, then maybe he would become a great Jedi and fulfil the Prophecy.
As I begun to accept the fact that Padme was not mine anymore, I began to move on and go back to what I was doing before Padme came into my life and get more acquainted with my fellow Jedis and have casual fun. After a few weeks, I felt that my heart was not into it. I thought it could be due to the fact that for the second time in my life, I had lost someone important in my life and I had no idea on how to deal with grief for loss. When I lost Qui-Gon, I felt more guilt than grief and with Padme, I did not have any need to mourn because I was in love.
One night several weeks after I heard about Padme’s marriage, as I tried to sleep, I found myself thinking about the good times, a time when we Jedi apprentices were more innocent and willing to have fun. Although I had told Padme all those years ago that she was my first lover, I wasn’t being entirely truthful. She was my first female lover but I had lost my virginity long ago to a male Jedi Master.
Before then, I had the occasional teenage romance with both female and male Jedis. I knew from an early age that I was bisexual and none of my past girlfriends and boyfriends had not minded that. After all, we were young- we experimented a lot. Although it wasn’t completely encouraged, it wasn’t discouraged either. As long as we were safe and no one got hurt, we were fine.
However, with the experimenting, I felt somewhat empty after about a year. I wanted something more than just kisses, cuddles, blowjobs and hand jobs. I felt there was something more to this but I could not figure out what that something was. I didn’t realise what it was until one night when I was 17.
It was that night I had caught my Master masturbating whilst calling my name. I didn’t know what to think, especially over the fact that I had become aroused from it. I was so confused. Surely my emptiness could not be filled by my own Master! And yet deep down, it seemed possible. After all, I did have feelings for Qui-Gon. It was common for Padawans to have crushes on their Masters. However, these feelings tend to have died out by the time the Padawan turned 16. And yet, seeing him there on his bed, masturbating and calling my name…. it had to mean something. And it certainly had to mean something when I became aroused from watching it. Was I a late bloomer and still suffering from a teenage crush on my Master? Or was I feeling something a little bit more?
Anyway we talked that night and that’s when it all came out. He was in love with me. Despite his harshness and stern manner during my training, he was in love with him. I should have been ashamed but to my surprise, I felt the same as he did. To hear him say that he loved me, it filled the emptiness I had been suffering. I thought to myself that I loved him and hearing the words in my head, it felt right. I told him that I loved him too and well let’s just say he never left my room that night.
Our relationship blossomed. We had our problems like all lovers do but the love never died. Even when we argued over Anakin, we still made up and we were making love that night. Our last night together was magical. After gazing at our final sunset together in Coruscant, we went to our apartment and we made love. We knew that Anakin would be with the Jedi Council for a while so we were in no rush to get back.
As I thought back to our last night together, I could not think that it was only a few days later that I had kissed Padme for the first time. I was angry that she had now betrayed me with Anakin but as I thought about it, I asked myself the question: Did I betray Qui-Gon’s memory by finding myself fall in love after a few days after his death? Did I fall in love with Padme because she filled the void that Qui-Gon’s death had left behind? She helped me take away my guilt that night and from that night on, nothing else mattered. Yes, it was hard at first, having to mature from being a Padawan into being a Jedi Master immediately (a move never used in the Jedi Council before. A Jedi Knight must focus on the maturities of the Force before they can feel ready to take on a Padawan of their own) but with my new tasks as well as the love of Padme, I never had time to grieve for Qui-Gon. Was that a bad thing to do to forget about him so soon? We had been a team for over 10 years and we had been lovers for 7 years. Did finding love so soon after his death make our relationship so unimportant?
For the first time in a long time, I felt tears falling down my face. In that moment, it was not Padme that I wanted. It was Qui-Gon that I wanted. I wanted to tell him I was sorry and to tell him that I loved him with all my heart and that while he was alive, he meant everything to me. I walked over to my drawers and pull out a Jedi cloak and wrapped it around me. As I lay down on my bed, I rubbed the cloak across my beard, smelling the familiar scent that had lain dormant in my mind for so long.
It was no ordinary Jedi cloak. It was the one that Qui-Gon had been wearing the day that he died. As his body was carried away after the battle, I saw his cloak as well as mine still lying down on the ground. I picked them up and kept them in a special place. I never wore that cloak again and this was the first time I had held Qui-Gon’s cloak since the day that he died. And now, as it was wrapped around me like a security blanket, the tears were falling fast down my face and old feelings came back to the surface. The grief of him dying, the shock of seeing him killed in front of my eyes and the guilt of not being able to save him. And now I had more negative feelings going around my head- losing Padme to my Padawan and also betraying Qui-Gon’s memory by falling in love with Padme so soon after his death.
The tears seemed to fall forever but eventually they subsided and it was in that moment, I understood. I finally understood why Jedis could not fall in love.
To be continued……….
WARNING: masturbation, and implied homosexuality and bisexuality. If you feel uncomfortable with this, don’t read this chapter.
On a general thought, this story has now had over 1000 hits EACH on adult-fanfiction.org and fanfiction.net. This means this story has had over 2000 hits since I first put it up on the net. With that and the countless reviews, this is officially my most popular fanfic!! Thanks to all the readers and reviewers!!!!
Chapter 7- Pause for Thought
Against my Jedi duties and loyalties, I never said a word to the Jedi Council about Anakin’s marriage to Padme. Although she never asked me not to do it, I couldn’t find it in my heart to do it. Heck, I didn’t tell anyone. If Anakin was the Chosen One, then he could not be thrown out of the Order if he was our only hope to bring balance to the Force.
Also, as time went by, I felt that maybe having Padme in his life might help him. I could sense anger inside him which had grown since his mother’s death. If her love for him could save him and maybe keep him under control, then maybe he would become a great Jedi and fulfil the Prophecy.
As I begun to accept the fact that Padme was not mine anymore, I began to move on and go back to what I was doing before Padme came into my life and get more acquainted with my fellow Jedis and have casual fun. After a few weeks, I felt that my heart was not into it. I thought it could be due to the fact that for the second time in my life, I had lost someone important in my life and I had no idea on how to deal with grief for loss. When I lost Qui-Gon, I felt more guilt than grief and with Padme, I did not have any need to mourn because I was in love.
One night several weeks after I heard about Padme’s marriage, as I tried to sleep, I found myself thinking about the good times, a time when we Jedi apprentices were more innocent and willing to have fun. Although I had told Padme all those years ago that she was my first lover, I wasn’t being entirely truthful. She was my first female lover but I had lost my virginity long ago to a male Jedi Master.
Before then, I had the occasional teenage romance with both female and male Jedis. I knew from an early age that I was bisexual and none of my past girlfriends and boyfriends had not minded that. After all, we were young- we experimented a lot. Although it wasn’t completely encouraged, it wasn’t discouraged either. As long as we were safe and no one got hurt, we were fine.
However, with the experimenting, I felt somewhat empty after about a year. I wanted something more than just kisses, cuddles, blowjobs and hand jobs. I felt there was something more to this but I could not figure out what that something was. I didn’t realise what it was until one night when I was 17.
It was that night I had caught my Master masturbating whilst calling my name. I didn’t know what to think, especially over the fact that I had become aroused from it. I was so confused. Surely my emptiness could not be filled by my own Master! And yet deep down, it seemed possible. After all, I did have feelings for Qui-Gon. It was common for Padawans to have crushes on their Masters. However, these feelings tend to have died out by the time the Padawan turned 16. And yet, seeing him there on his bed, masturbating and calling my name…. it had to mean something. And it certainly had to mean something when I became aroused from watching it. Was I a late bloomer and still suffering from a teenage crush on my Master? Or was I feeling something a little bit more?
Anyway we talked that night and that’s when it all came out. He was in love with me. Despite his harshness and stern manner during my training, he was in love with him. I should have been ashamed but to my surprise, I felt the same as he did. To hear him say that he loved me, it filled the emptiness I had been suffering. I thought to myself that I loved him and hearing the words in my head, it felt right. I told him that I loved him too and well let’s just say he never left my room that night.
Our relationship blossomed. We had our problems like all lovers do but the love never died. Even when we argued over Anakin, we still made up and we were making love that night. Our last night together was magical. After gazing at our final sunset together in Coruscant, we went to our apartment and we made love. We knew that Anakin would be with the Jedi Council for a while so we were in no rush to get back.
As I thought back to our last night together, I could not think that it was only a few days later that I had kissed Padme for the first time. I was angry that she had now betrayed me with Anakin but as I thought about it, I asked myself the question: Did I betray Qui-Gon’s memory by finding myself fall in love after a few days after his death? Did I fall in love with Padme because she filled the void that Qui-Gon’s death had left behind? She helped me take away my guilt that night and from that night on, nothing else mattered. Yes, it was hard at first, having to mature from being a Padawan into being a Jedi Master immediately (a move never used in the Jedi Council before. A Jedi Knight must focus on the maturities of the Force before they can feel ready to take on a Padawan of their own) but with my new tasks as well as the love of Padme, I never had time to grieve for Qui-Gon. Was that a bad thing to do to forget about him so soon? We had been a team for over 10 years and we had been lovers for 7 years. Did finding love so soon after his death make our relationship so unimportant?
For the first time in a long time, I felt tears falling down my face. In that moment, it was not Padme that I wanted. It was Qui-Gon that I wanted. I wanted to tell him I was sorry and to tell him that I loved him with all my heart and that while he was alive, he meant everything to me. I walked over to my drawers and pull out a Jedi cloak and wrapped it around me. As I lay down on my bed, I rubbed the cloak across my beard, smelling the familiar scent that had lain dormant in my mind for so long.
It was no ordinary Jedi cloak. It was the one that Qui-Gon had been wearing the day that he died. As his body was carried away after the battle, I saw his cloak as well as mine still lying down on the ground. I picked them up and kept them in a special place. I never wore that cloak again and this was the first time I had held Qui-Gon’s cloak since the day that he died. And now, as it was wrapped around me like a security blanket, the tears were falling fast down my face and old feelings came back to the surface. The grief of him dying, the shock of seeing him killed in front of my eyes and the guilt of not being able to save him. And now I had more negative feelings going around my head- losing Padme to my Padawan and also betraying Qui-Gon’s memory by falling in love with Padme so soon after his death.
The tears seemed to fall forever but eventually they subsided and it was in that moment, I understood. I finally understood why Jedis could not fall in love.
To be continued……….